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Cisi Eze: Nine Additional Traits of The Average Nigerian (TAN)

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This is sequel to my last post – “Nine Traits of an Average Nigerian (TAN)”.

Ostensibly, the idea jumped over some people’s head and I feigned shock whilst reading certain comments doused in vitriol. (Sighs). Average Nigerians are a bitter bunch; hence they always miss the point. Hahaha! I wrote about our reality. How often do we keep to time? Aren’t some of us tribalistic to the point we hate other Nigerians? We hold on to redundant values in a world where nothing stays the same, but we gladly move to countries that embrace the values we oppose.

Well, in the spirit of pettiness, I bring thee “Nine More Traits of The Average Nigerian (TAN)”.

Suffers inferiority complex
Funmi Iyanda tweeted: “Tboss, the lightest most apparently refined, more foreign and confident female, unconsciously stroke many’s deepest insecurities. #Bbnaija.” Over and over, I’ve asked myself, “What did T. Boss do to garner all this hate?” T. Boss probably stirred insecurities in some people. Some people say she has diva complex. Really? Their inferiority complex probably made it seem as though she was condescending. Well, I did not watch the show, sha; let me not lie. Maybe she was haughty; however, I’ve noticed something: when you are well-read/well-travelled, eloquent, reserved, and refined, people say you are forming. They say you are pretentious. Funmi went on to tweet: “Deep down, most of our people wish to be oyinbo, think oyibo is superior and have a deep love-hate for any suggestion of oyinbo.” She nailed it there! The Average Nigerian thinks white is right; hence we have internalised racism.

Internalises racism
Truly, The Average Nigerian (TAN) believes he/she is inferior; as a result, he/she internalises racism in the process. We have internalised racism to the point where we practice colourism in our own country. How is dark skin, melanin not attractive? Please, let’s not lie to ourselves that some people do not favour light-skin over dark-skin. How is keeping your natural hair tantamount to being irresponsible? Oh! Let’s not forget how people with M.Scs are laid off work only for the management to hire a foreigner that doesn’t even have a B.Sc. Then someone says our poor educational system is the cause of this injustice. What are we doing about the educational system? We award winners of maths competition N100, 000 while awarding the winner of a reality TV show N25M. What did we expect? (Gist for another day.)

Does not understand humour
The Average Nigerian does not understand satire, irony, sarcasm, and dark humour, to mention a few, are forms of humour. For something to qualify as humour to him/her, the actor(s) must throw sense to the wind and act dumber than Chaplin. In other cases, affecting an indigenous Nigerian accent tickles him/her.  Serve The Average Nigerian (TAN) a little dose of dark humour and he/she cringes and shrieks in horror at how macabre you are. It’s a chore and a bore for TAN to wrap his/her mind around the fact that horror could be tweaked in a way to elicit laughter from an audience. “South Park” probably hurts TAN’s fragile feelings.

Oversensitive
Average people get angry over trivial things. All that emotion! It’s okay to be emotional, but when one takes it to the extreme, it becomes annoying. (Sighs) Well, only ugly people get too emotional and oversensitive. “Ugly” in this context means “unpleasant and annoying” The Average Nigerian is willing to be angry at the inconsequential things. I wrote about that in a previous article titled, “How to Vex Nigerians”.

Ridiculous and illogical
Whilst shivering and suffering mallet-like blows from a migraine, you go on to ask TAN, “What is wrong with you?” The reply you get is, “I’m strong.” Really? TAN refuses to see a doctor because he/she believes in miracles. Whitney and Mariah did not sing “When You Believe” for this to happen. This instance pales in comparison to the one that titillates me into wicked laughter. Every week, TAN goes to “chill” with someone that peddles hopeful messages to him/her. Willingly, TAN gives that person some amount of money. After the hangout, TAN treks home, while the peddler of the message of hope goes home in an air-conditioned car. Cast all sentiments aside and ask yourself if this appeals to logic.

Sexist
The Average Nigerian is sexist because he/she is not feminist. TAN does not understand feminism is simply, “Don’t treat people differently based on sex organs they did not choose. If you must treat people differently, let it be based on their personalities and capabilities.” Stop restricting a person’s mind based on a body part he/she did not choose. Why is it so difficult for TAN to understand this?

Homophobic
Two grown adults having consensual sex irks TAN. Funny enough, TAN is guilty of sodomy – oral and anal sex. At a point, he/she has had deep emotional relationships with same-sex friends to the point they wished their friends were members of the opposite sex so that they could get married. Selective homophobia amuses me. Some people claim to be homophobic, but they would not mind watching lesbian porn. You are not allowed to be selectively homophobic. Read articles to satisfy your curiosity about homosexuality. You did not go about watching porn to understand the emotional dynamics of hetero life, abi?

Relishes mediocrity
Media reflects a society. What do you expect from a society that celebrates tacky, lyric-less music? Average people are expected to love average things. At times, when you are mediocre enough for them, they say you are being real.

Easily invalidates research and statistics
TAN is close-minded and when you come with facts and figures from a research to buttress your point, TAN, in his/her characteristic dumbness, swats it aside. Just like that. As I explained in my previous post, TAN does not read.

Haha! These things I wrote here are not lies, abi? Until we stop doing business as usual, we will remain where we are. Just look at us! We keep running to other countries; we believe we can’t fix our country.

Let go of your pessimism and understand this: Nigeria would be better if you and I make a conscious effort to do better in the spaces we control. A foreign deity will not fix things. The government alone will not change things. It is left to you and me.

P.S. TAN will read this and type funny sturvs in the comment section and ama laugh-laugh. No be them again?

P.P.S. After saying BBNaija was immoral, some people ended up saying, “Grace made Efe win.” The way these people twist the concept of Yahweh to suit their whims, sha. They make it seem as though He were confused about His stand on certain issues. It does not make sense, honestly. Anyway, logic is the greatest threat to religion. It is not meant to make sense. Haha!

P.P.P.S. “Feminist” is not a tag. I’m not going to label anyone for doing what is logical. It is only logical and human to treat people based on their abilities and personalities, not sex organs, right? Abilities and traits do not go to you based on your sex organs.

Photo Credit: Сергей Толмачев | Dreamstime.com

Cisi Eze is a Lagos-based freelance journalist, writer, comic artist, and graphics designer. She feels strongly about LGBT+ rights, feminism, gender issues, and mental health, and this is expressed through her works on Bella Naija and her blog – Shades of Cisi. Aside these, she has works on Western Post NG, Kalahari Review, Holaafrica, Mounting the Moon, Gender IT, Outcast Magazine, Rustin Times, 14: An Anthology of Queer Art Volume 1 and 2, and Sweet Deluge (Issue 2). Her first book, published by Tamarind Hill Press, UK, is titled “Of Women, Edges, and Parks”. Cisi’s art challenges existing societal norms.

58 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    April 12, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    HahahahahHahahahahaaaaa!!!!
    Now watch as the supersensitive crybabies come here to whine, moan and hurl insults at you for challenging them and hurting their fragile egos.
    Woooooo!

    • Oyinade

      April 12, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      Father Lord, reveal yourself to your child that he or she might know you for who you really are. God loves you, whether you believe it or not.

    • A Real Nigerian

      April 12, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      If God loves me then why did he make me miserable?
      Go away!

    • smdh!

      April 12, 2017 at 11:18 pm

      Do you really think that what she is saying is average of an average Nigerian?
      An average Nigerian has been through a lot and would thrive given the right environment….all she did was compare an average Nigerian to an upper class Nigerian….how did this article bring the change she wants to see?
      Y’all swear that y’all so ‘woke’ and ‘challenging’ your ancestors…when all you are doing is running around in the same circus.

    • Mohammad

      April 13, 2017 at 1:44 am

      I wonder how much of a coincidence it is that I was wondering if A Real Nigerian wrote this, and then I see your comment at the top.
      Too many truths in the article and I’m sure it will rub people up the wrong way, but who gives a sheeeee? Pessin wen get the insult na im go come collet am for here.

    • The real dee

      April 14, 2017 at 1:52 am

      Aww @ A real Nigerian, I sometimes have that thought too. Questioning whether God loves me, why things don’t work out the way I want, why I can be miserable sometimes.

      And I found my answer, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, I had my flaws but God overlooked it and made a big sacrifice for me. If he could do that, what else can’t and won’t he do for me? God didn’t make you miserable and irrespective of how miserable you feel, he loves you unconditionally.

      God doesn’t love you, yet you’re alive. God doesn’t love you, yet you have a gadget to browse the internet, pay for data and surf BN. God doesn’t love you, you sleep and wake up everyday and didn’t die in your sleep. God doesn’t love you but you have shelter, you have a place to call home. God doesn’t love you but you have the resources to get an education, hence your ability to write well. If only you knew how much this God loves you…i can’t even explain it enough.

  2. Mimi

    April 12, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    To be honest, you are actually silly and miserable and quite frankly very bitter. You’re go about writing about people living their lives. Your bio is really nice and your goal is commendable but this just comes off as stupid rants of a bitter, frustrated lady. Happiness is a choice, choose it. I am sure if one checks properly, you are not far from the average Nigerian. The Funmi Iyanda is very much a “TAN”, judging and commenting on a show she has absolutely no idea what went on! Projecting her own insecurities to the Nigerian populace. This Tboss you guys speak off that people hate, I really wonder how she was second runner up. Coming before the other two that people really love, right? You are quite senseless to talk about the education bit also and then tag it colourism or whatever. Now answer this by yourself, is the system of education in Nigeria better than most countries in Europe or North America? Some Nigerian graduates can’t even write a proper cover letter void of grammatical errors. Let the average Nigerian be, you are not footing their bills! And by the way, where the you fall? Above or below average?

  3. Nitomeya

    April 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    No comment!

  4. Vee

    April 12, 2017 at 8:39 pm

    You obviously possess most of these traits

  5. Adamazi

    April 12, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Thank you Cisi. You nailed it.

  6. Zinay

    April 12, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    TAN doesn’t read! Edakun o, I will send numerous emails to staff and staff will run off and do the wrong thing, then TAN staff will start to complain that you talk to them like babies. Babies don’t read, so it’s not exactly a bad comparison. TAN like to manage, and when you complain about work not done well TAN will tell you it’s okay like that and that you have wahala. I can be TAN sometimes, but I recognize when I’m being TAN so I do hard reset and reject it. TAN is nothing to be proud of. TAN is the reason Nigeria won’t move forward. One TAN told me the reason why Lekki garden building collapsed was because of the government.. How dear TAN? He replies, dollar is high, building material is costly, so the result is bad houses. TAN found a way to blame the government. TAN has issues.. TAN doesn’t even know it

    • Jezebel

      April 13, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      ??? we are of the same mind, it’s uncanny.

  7. john

    April 12, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    You lost me at feminism..I dont know why the typicall average dumb black nigerian woman always copy nonsense from the west they don’t even know the origin and how it starts..do u all read from the same notebook

  8. john

    April 12, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    You lost me at feminism..I dont know why the typicall average dumb black nigerian woman always copy nonsense from the west they don’t even know the origin and how it starts wven to thier own detriment…do u all read from the same notebook

    • Mrs Pangolo

      April 12, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      You lost me at “typicall average dumb black nigerian woman”! Your comment is idiotic. Go and drink chapman and read some articles on Gender Equity. Foolish monkey @John (The IDIOT)

    • john

      April 12, 2017 at 10:00 pm

      if a white woman forgets about feminism or all this sisterhood crap and calls you a monkey , u will be the first to shout racism

  9. Naina

    April 12, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    Sums it up! Nice write up.

  10. Smh

    April 12, 2017 at 9:03 pm

    A follow-up to the previous (crap) article, anything for clicks these days BN.

    Keep on denigrating the whole country, you are doing yourself, not us.

  11. Lliki

    April 12, 2017 at 9:18 pm

    Stupid generalisation! Stupid,senseless and lame article.
    BN, if guys like have late dinner with my comment.

    • Derin87

      April 13, 2017 at 1:01 am

      Lol @ stupid …Stupid is when you take the term ‘average’ to mean ‘generalization’

    • Mawi

      April 13, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      How is average a generalisation? Do you understand English at all? Na wa

  12. Ladybird

    April 12, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Someone clearly has too much time on her hands. Pray tell, what will writing of this do for you, me or everyone else on this platform? All you have stated are generalizations and do not reflect the entire population. I am finding it difficult to agree to what you are saying. Or maybe all the people you have met in your life so far are the way you have described??!

    • Smh

      April 12, 2017 at 9:37 pm

      It’s extremely disappointing that BN would promote an article which is solely based on generalizations. The internet is free for all and one day some foreigner will read this and create a pre-conceived idea in their head. Will a Brit or American so shamelessly run down their country in this manner?

      BN, your desperation is getting to high levels. Continue.

    • Fear God

      April 12, 2017 at 9:56 pm

      If BN do not post these articles they will be accused of TAN-nism!

    • tunmi

      April 13, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      reflect on it

  13. ogeAdiro

    April 12, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    If you don’t like Naija music, then you don’t have dance in you. And if you don’t have dance in you, then you can’t possibly understand the value of Naija music. Naija music makes you move your body in ways you never imagined.
    If loving Naija music makes me TAN, then I’m flying my TAN flag with some serious pride. Off to listen to some ‘If’.

  14. Please read carefully.

    April 12, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    Homophobic
    Two grown adults having consensual sex irks TAN. Funny enough, TAN is guilty of sodomy – oral and anal sex. At a point, he/she has had deep emotional relationships with same-sex friends to the point they wished their friends were members of the opposite sex so that they could get married. Selective homophobia amuses me. Some people claim to be homophobic, but they would not mind watching lesbian porn. You are not allowed to be selectively homophobic. Read articles to satisfy your curiosity about homosexuality. You did not go about watching porn to understand the emotional dynamics of hetero life, abi? This makes no sense at all. What??????

  15. Oyinade

    April 12, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    BN, on a serious note, i might just decide to stop visiting your website, if you keep letting people put up these sort of articles.

    Cisi, please calm down and ask God to reveal His undiluted truth to you. There’s no harm in doing that and you have nothing to lose.

    • Smh

      April 12, 2017 at 10:55 pm

      I had stopped visiting for months, decided to have a look today just to see this nonsense. I choose not to continue reading these kinds of articles when there are other forums out there.

      BN, one day you will wake up and see your fan base has gone down the drain. Till then. Au revoir

    • Wisdom

      April 12, 2017 at 11:18 pm

      Please introduce me to other blogs.. tired of the BN community and their condescending writeups

    • Smh

      April 13, 2017 at 10:07 am

      Wisdom, here you go:
      loveweddingsng dot com
      lifetitudes.wordpress dot com

      Lifetitudes main domain seems down at the moment, that is the old wordpress pending the time it’s back

      That’s it. As I close this page, I’m done with BN until they find themselves again. This kind of article has no place in 2017. I hope the writer gets blasted wella, maybe that will make her think twice next time before writing obnoxious pieces.

      Cheerio

    • swerve

      April 13, 2017 at 10:11 am

      Bye , Felicias

  16. Bowl

    April 12, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Foolish musings of a superior intellect!

  17. Bad gang

    April 12, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    The fact that the TAN tag is used so condescendingly makes this article so idiotic…in your mind you are one witty perceptive writer… stupid generalisations
    You think you are not an average nigerian?
    What are the other type of nigerians called? The impeccable etiquette, feminist, well-travelled blah blah called? You think forcefully loving jazz or european art and culture makes you classy? Hope you are not the type of girls that go on dates and start discussing van gogh and impressionism, forming one stupid posh that you are not?.lol..a lot of these wannabes are so delusional ehn
    Your article is chicken shit!
    No matter how ‘priviledged’ or ‘refined’ you think you are it is in bad taste to make illogical broad statements .it is better to correct than to downright mock…
    I am far from your TAN description though

    • sharon

      April 13, 2017 at 10:41 am

      The fact that y’all are bursting a vein over this article pretty much sums up your average thinking. Lol

  18. Wisdom

    April 12, 2017 at 11:08 pm

    The average Nigerian is sensitive? Th average Nigerian suffers inferiority complex? What a load of crap. Everyone wants to feel like they are advanced and above average now a days. What a senseless and condescending article. The writer must be reflecting all her belifs. (The writer is such an idiot and a foolish dirty unkept looking dirty monkey…haha it’s a joke don’t be sensitive ) . Smh

    • Cocolette

      April 13, 2017 at 3:22 am

      As in ehn! Everyone wants to feel so advanced and exposed these days. I just scroll through articles like this and smile.

    • Manny

      April 13, 2017 at 4:01 am

      You nailed it. Everyone wants to be seen as intellectual, questioning, breaking away from the mold etc. Reading this chic, you would think that >90% of Nigerians are “uncivilized” Neanderthals. Hence her mission to “bring positive social change in Nigeria by provoking people to rethink and reconsider certain beliefs they have clutched to their chests like it were a medal” blah blah blah

      The “Does not understand humour” part is as insulting as insulting can be. And nobody should give me that “it’s an average” crap. Average means the most common.

    • tunmi

      April 13, 2017 at 5:35 pm

      the way you guys are proving this point is something else.

  19. Inonam

    April 12, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    In your attempt at edginess, you’ve managed to expose your own inferiority complex. TAN enjoys afrobeat with trashy lyrics,The Average American enjoys Trap with trashy lyrics. You are perpetuating internalized racism and you aren’t even aware of the irony. People saw a manipulator in Tboss, you see her as a victim of her own (oyibo) awesomeness. You already admitted you didn’t watch BBN, so your first reaction was to side with Oyibo because white must be better and the unwashed mass jealous .TAN does not understand dark humor and satire? That is all TAN knows. Please do try not condescend when you are in no way better. You’re just another TAN drunk on the little power you think you have.

  20. Aisha

    April 12, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    Dear article writer, kindly edit your catalogue of friends and be consciously discriminative of the traits you choose to imbibe from others.
    Good God! why the generalizations? To think that you can just pick a swatch of traits from the few people you hang out with and apply it to majority of the populace is mind numbing and rather foolish.

  21. Dt

    April 12, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    First, Cisi does not know all Nigerians to make these generalisations neither does she have statistics to prove this.
    However, if this is true. The word Average means -you know – average. That means that there may be other extremes (we know there are), so when Nigerians are studied they maybe a higher proportion of people that are not “TAN”

  22. Weezy

    April 12, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    Cisi strikes me as an internet troll.

    Definition (Urban Dictionary): One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup (or message board) with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.

    This basically what Cisi is doing. Best thing would be to ignore her completely. Commenting angrily only feeds the troll. People like this get off of flaming and insulting groups of people, then blaming such people for being “too sensitive.”

    • In

      April 12, 2017 at 11:47 pm

      Witb this article she definitely reached troll status.

  23. Sense

    April 12, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    How do you sound so bitter in conveying your thoughts???
    I mean there are a million ways you might disagree with me but this writer doesn’t know shit about what an average Nigerian goes through….to come here generalizing and talking down on Nigerians like you care the tiniest bit….
    Girl please have several seats and drink some brown juice!

  24. Derin87

    April 13, 2017 at 1:05 am

    What I don’t understand is the comments, why are people so hurt? Did the writer come for you or your family or are you all just using this as a platform to transfer your aggressions? Someone should please explain to me, cause all I read was someone’s opinion on TAN, which frankly, I agree with

    • Wisdom

      April 13, 2017 at 3:22 am

      Shut up, just shut up. What do you mean why are people so hurt. A fellow Nigerian sits down and writes such lies, such baseless lies about an entire nation and you ask are they my family. This is the nonchalant attitude that has gotten this country of tenacious individuals that stand out in different societies where it is. To be honest she did not receive enough backlash for this hogwash she wrote.

    • Mawi

      April 13, 2017 at 2:20 pm

      She did not write about an entire nation. Please read again and assimilate. She clearly said ‘the average nigerian’. This means a majority, but not all. It is simple English.
      You see how angry and rude you have gotten over one person’s opinion? You truly define a T.A.N. Illogical, dumb, hypocritical and ANGRY. Well I guess she hit a nerve in you, hence your unjustified anger. Pele o. They say the truth is bitter.

  25. Jess

    April 13, 2017 at 6:46 am

    Some comments here proves the article is right.the truth is bitter they said.

    • Wisdom

      April 13, 2017 at 7:29 am

      So because a person defends himself against lies it proves the lies are wrong? I see how WOKE you are

  26. Jess

    April 13, 2017 at 6:47 am

    Prove the article is right*

  27. funmilola

    April 13, 2017 at 8:05 am

    I detest generalizations, it irritates me to the bone marrow….how can one put so many people in a box and write about them? that’s the same issue I had with funmi iyanda.
    anyways, it’s your opinion sha and you’re very much entitled to express it

  28. Onyie

    April 13, 2017 at 9:30 am

    I love u Cisi!!!

    Please keep the articles coming. So much fun and truth to them.

  29. Funms

    April 13, 2017 at 10:48 am

    The article is your opinion Cisi. Here’s mine :).

    “TANs” are human being just like every other in the world. They are affected and react to life based on the environment they find themselves in. That’s it!. Whatever is wrong with an environment creates reactions that are wrong in the people.

    You need to spend quality time with more TANs to understand their psychology, Then you wont be so condescending.

    PS: Also try to research the many forms and effects of suppression on people. It may help you understand your race better.

  30. CHIKA

    April 13, 2017 at 11:04 am

    Thank you Cisi! Love every part of this piece! Like when will Nigerians ( myself inclusive) ever get over themselves and start to think right, plus rethink where necessary? I don laff enough this morning too, God bless you!

  31. Lailatu

    April 13, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    Why do people like Cisi and Funmi Iyando try too hard to be non conforming? It is tiring to watch. Take a chill pill dear, it’s the same condescending attitude that made Tboss loose bbn and now you people are crying racism as though it’s first time Nigerians are seeing a mixed race person. Cisi,since you have such a low opinion of Nigerians, then maybe you should stop writing for a Nigerian audience?

  32. Anonymous

    April 14, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Cisi you are the ugliest human being I’ve had the misfortune of coming across, your write up is filled with so much bile which in itself depicts who you really are. You delude yourself if you as much as imagine you are better the “TAN”.
    You only succeeded in showing your desperate desire to be acknowledged/accepted, your moral bankruptcy, nasty attitude and refusal to be trained properly.
    Your write up was insulting and not constructive and if the last few paragraphs was an attempt to deter us from airing our honest views, I must say that was a very lame one.

  33. VOOM

    April 25, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    The average TAN is apparently also angry and doesn’t like to take correction ??

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