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5 Things You Should Do If You Want to Become The Alpha Male



Have you ever wondered why it is just easier for some men to get female attention? Sometimes it is that they get more admiration from other men too! They have this captivating and arresting aura that commands the boardroom, the bar room, and the bedroom.

From real icons like Odumegwu Ojukwu, Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama to fiction characters like James Bond, Tony Stark, and Bruce Wayne, some of the most daring and successful men are greatly admired have one thing in common: the alpha male status.

Alpha males always find themselves in leadership positions or at the top of the social status hierarchy. Usually, they are the ones described as the “real men.” They possess power, wealth, and mates (women) – all which they usually attain through dominance, intimidation, and physical prowess. Sometimes, they achieve it through compassion and cooperation.

However, nobody is born an alpha male. While some people are born with certain characteristics that make it easier for them to achieve the status alpha behavior (such as extroversion, assertiveness, and social charm), being an alpha male is more of a state of mind.
To achieve it, you have to deliberately mold yourself and stay determined to be different from the “Beta” and “Omega” men who are weak, submissive, low class or even crass.

If you are reading this article and wondering whether you are an Alpha male or not, chances are you probably are not one. All hope is not lost though.

Here are five tips that’ll help you reach your full “Alpha male” potential.

Build up your Confidence
You cannot be timid or shy an alpha male. You must b believe in yourself and your talents no matter the circumstances or what people say. Stand your ground, hold fast to your opinions and let your confidence shine through. If you keep second-guessing yourself or hedging your statements you will never become an alpha male. Convince yourself that you are awesome and worthy of admiration and most importantly, let it reflect in the way you carry yourself.

Have some swag; look into people’s eyes when speaking to them. Maintain powerful, open, and confident body language. Be careful not to overdo it and become a braggart. Also, do not also become proud. Pride is actually a sign of weakness. When you are proud, you are vulnerable, because you are affected by compliments and criticism.  You are easily manipulated.

Staying humble and real ensures you are more powerful and self-assured…core traits of an alpha male.

Become Self-Reliant
Yeah, we all need somebody to lean on sometimes, but in the face of difficulties and lack, it is important you learn to lean on yourself and persevere.  An alpha male doesn’t need to rely on others to pay his bills, make his meals, for emotional support, or for strength. He gains strength from his inner core. This strength comes from knowing that no one owes him anything and he is not entitled to anything that he does not give himself.

You have to learn how to assist yourself and push past obstacles. Learn how not to be afraid of failure or setbacks. Be resourceful and learn to thrive on your own rather be a cry baby who gives up at the slightest discomfort. Break free from you parents. Go off on your own. Have faith in yourself and pave your own path.

Be great at something
To be an alpha male, “good” will not cut it. There must be something you can say you are great at. Good is too common and an alpha male is all about being uncommon.
Be competitive, but be sure your competitiveness is coming from a place of strength and power rather than a place of insecurity. As an alpha, you will be expected to master one thing.

Cut out your half-assed approach to your craft and life in general. Set your mind to something and follow it through. In fact, pursue it to be the best at it. Every alpha male has that one skill that he pursues to perfection. This trait usually plays a major role in attracting people to you.

Have values and stick to them
You cannot be someone who is afraid to stand up and give his opinion for fear of being seen as critical or judgmental. You cannot go with the flow. You must know what you value, define them and stick with them. That’s what it takes to be an alpha male. An alpha does not analyze situations or “judge” to belittle others; rather he calls himself and others out, if it needs to be done.

He is not interested in pleasing anyone or kissing ass. He is not a pussy. He stands by his values and surrounds himself with good, strong, honorable men who hold same values. To be an alpha you must also work toward growing your mind and spirit by pushing yourself at any opportunity.

Basically, you must stand for something that you feel is right, even if it means you have to stand alone. Also, you must learn to own up when you make a mistake. Have honor. If you don’t, you can’t be a man, and you can’t be an alpha male.

Groom yourself
You cannot be an alpha male and look shabby. Your physical appearance comes into play as well. To be an alpha, you must have the body of an alpha.

Exercise. Build your body. It is not about becoming a beaux or ladies’ man, it is about self-respect. If you sorround yourself with  people, it will be hard to take you seriously or even approach you. If you are well groomed, however, people will automatically assume that you’re ready to handle whatever level of scrutiny they can throw at you. They will respect you more. Use good perfume or deodorant.

Most importantly, ensure you have impeccable dental hygiene. Fresh breath will not only make it easier for people to listen to you, it also positively affects your health.
The truth is, not everybody can achieve the alpha male status. It takes a lot of commitment and determination. However, once attained, it gives you an edge over others and you shine brighter than you ever imagined.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Lightfieldstudiosprod

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.


  1. Priye

    May 4, 2017 at 6:25 am

    Dear Nkem, does this make me an alpha female if I have all these qualities? And does it make it difficult for guys to approach me?

    • On topic

      May 4, 2017 at 7:58 am

      Over 90% of the articles featured on BN is about women or tailored to be helpful to women. And when a little of what is left attempts to flatter the men, some blog visitors will still make efforts to switch the subject and make it about women.
      Thanks for the piece @Nkem.

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 4, 2017 at 9:04 am

      What is this one saying?

    • Uzzi

      May 4, 2017 at 10:45 am

      Lmao .. Yello “Bro”

  2. Thelma

    May 4, 2017 at 8:13 am

    Dear BellaNaija, you just lost a reader. I simply cannot bear to read any more of Nkem Ndem’s puerile, sidewalk-psychology-based drivel. Especially since she appears to have become a regular contributor to your writing staff with what appears to be minimal editorial oversight.

    Dear Nkem, grow up! And for the love of God stop writing about things you clearly know nothing about.

    Just so you know the Alpha male is a myth! It is code for emotionally-stunted man-child spending all his energy maintaining a facade.

    Show me an Alpha male and I will show you a man who is afraid of living in his successful daddy’s shadow, who is afraid of being replaced by a younger challenger, who is afraid of rejection, who is afraid of ridicule, who is worried that his penis is too small, who is sad because his mummy doesn’t love him, who is afraid that the world will see through his act, who is afraid he will lose his woman to an even “real-er” man, who is just afraid! These are all “Alpha males” I have loved or been close friends with.

    The man at the top of the social pecking order is not an Alpha male. He doesn’t have to pretend to be dominant, and certainly not by following criteria written by a silly girl in her bedroom in her parents house!

    A good man is a good father, a good husband, a good employer, a good colleague, a good sibling, a good friend. He is considerate and kind to the people under his care. He is respectful and polite to everybody, including his subordinates. His strength exists to protect and nuture, not bully and intimidate. He is considered and measured in his actions. He loves fiercely and unconditionally. His family are his number one priority. He works hard to provide. He takes his responsibility seriously. He encourages and promotes. He does not need or seek external validation from people who don’t know him. He is self-assured because he has nothing to prove to anybody.

    So dear Nkem, until you acquire some real world experience, for God’s same stop writing this sort of nonsense. I want to believe that you are capable of better.

    Till then Bella Naija, adios!

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 4, 2017 at 8:51 am

      Thank you! Perfectly said.

      Every single thing she posts on this website is downright horrible. Nkem is an atrocious writer and also seems to be a petty, misguided human being.
      It’s ignorant, empty women like her who propagate the rotten rhetoric of the patriarchy. I find it hard to imagine what goes on in her brain if she even has one.

    • Adunnie

      May 4, 2017 at 9:47 am

      I love you Thelma. I haven’t even read your comment till the end. I just wanted to tell you I love you and you are a very smart person.

    • Nkem Ndem

      May 4, 2017 at 10:19 am

      @Thelma, I have only chosen to respond to your comment because you have made a direct reference to me. I am sorry you feel the way you do about this article, but bear in mind that this article is not a personal attack on your beliefs/perceptions. It is rather an expression of thoughts garnered from observation and research. Certainly, you must know that you having a different opinion does not in any way disqualify another’s or a previous opinion. To be honest, I actually find it contradictory that you have stated that concept of the Alpha male is a myth, yet you also refer to it as an existing code “for emotionally-stunted man-child” who you have apparently “loved or been close friends with”.
      The concept of the alpha is well ingrained in the popular wolf literature “The Wolf: Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species,” written in 1968. And yes, while the social status among human social groups is less rigidly defined than in the animal kingdom – seeing as we are more complex, there are some recognizable parallels. When we speak of human alpha males today, we refer to the trait of social dominance and so, gaining the status becomes based on traits such as confidence, ability to persuade, ability to command attention, etc.
      Note that I have also not equated an alpha male to “A good man”. I hope you will take time to read my article again, so that you understand exactly my point. Otherwise, cheers.

    • mz_danielz

      May 4, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      While I can’t say I like you and Cizi Eze because I believe that both of you are still a work in progress and also more idealistic than real, I love your response.

      The Alpha male concept does exist and a part of me believes that it is the quest to attain this status that has made men act in funny ways like putting females down, beating their wives and being unnecessarily uncouth.

      I think your definition of the Alpha male is okay. Maybe the term Alpha male just ticked some people off because whether or not it is attainable is a topic for another day but then, we’ve all met that one guy that had the cool, calm, nice aura that effortlessly attracted the attention and respect of girls without trying too hard I’m not talking of the gangster/swaggalicious types but those ones that make you feel beautiful and at ease in your femininity without allowing you walk over them. I guess that was the type of Guy Chimamanda was gunning for in her Americana’s Obinze who she described as ‘the boy who didn’t try too hard. The guy that all the girls wanted and the boys tried to be’

    • A BN Reader's response to Thelma

      May 4, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Madam Thelma.
      Go and don’t come back.

      As you leave, BN will gain 100 new readers.

      People like you who tear down writers with their hateful words just because they think they are right are also not welcome on this blog. Did you even take your time to read the article before writing your comments? It’s very arrogant of you to tell Nkem that she knows nothing about what she wrote.

      Nkem, most of the time i don’t agree with you but don’t let people like Thelma tear you down. We are all humans from different backgrounds and different experiences in life hence we all will have different opinions. Continue writing your articles.

  3. Chief

    May 4, 2017 at 9:01 am

    As a” RED PILL” man and an “ALPHA MALE”,i’m totally in agreement with you on few points you made on this article but few points are still missing though.first off,

    MANIPULATION…This is a tactic beta men and blue pill men need to aware of.Never spill all to a woman cause most men are parrots.All women are manipulative,it’s part of their instincts,some are rationally machiavellian eg stragetic/consciously cunning.As an alpha male you don’t allow any woman manipulate you.

    SUBMISSION/FEMINISM…The western society and feminism programs men to submit to their women but it is up to us to counter this destructive ideology.It’s a huge shame that bunch of poor deluded beta males,blue pill men,simps are getting grabbed by this western sociological terminology called feminism.(The invasion of feminist psychological program operation on men smh) Say no” to feminism.Banky wimpy take note cause you are becoming commander in chief of Nigerian simps.

    BEING A LEADER…A man is a dominant decision making character..Women are biologically programmed to follow a man’s lead.Masculinity attracts femininity.The African culture believes that the man is the king of the house and we must respect it…Anything other that is misery.period.

    STOP EXPLAINING YOURSELF TO WOMEN…Stop being shamed into submitting into a woman’s will.You don’t owe women anything.Never apologized to women(AY take note).It’s a pity that these younger generations are growing into feminists and Gynocentric society.I know most men have been taught by society that all approval comes from women but don’t buy that idea.NEVER!!

    NEVER ALLOW YOUR WOMAN EARN MORE THAN YOU….Alpha men are not attracted to masculine qualities in women.Many women might not know,the more ambitious they get the more threatening they become to their male counterparts.Listen i never said that men are intimated by ambitious women,please don’t misinterprets PUT OFF as intimidation.You don’t allow your woman accumulate more power and fame than you cause they can’t control power and fame.(Tee billz take note)The ability to provide for the woman makes a man feel relevant and important.Anyway let me stop here

    BTW i never said that women are inferior to men or men should beat/hits their women.I don’t condone violence.A Red pill man and an alpha man man should take good care of his woman.

    • Sola

      May 4, 2017 at 10:20 am

      Chief thank you so much for making Thelma’s point so eloquently. Just so you know, you come across as a permanently-afraid emotionally-stunted man-child with a small penis who cannot sexually satisfy a grown woman. Get help please Mr Red Pill

    • Pippy

      May 4, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      Chief, the person that told you you’re an alpha male should refund your money oh.

      You have been scammed. You’re no alpha or even beta.

      You’re just that male that beats his chest looking for attention and adulation to the fact that he’s male.

    • ugh

      May 4, 2017 at 2:01 pm

      chief…. i have decoded you… stop being an attention seeker

    • missnk

      May 5, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      lmaooooo this makes so much sense now. So you’re one of the losers on rooshv forum that spend all your waking hours on a site with men like you that talk terrible about women and still turn around to set up plans (in your words, gaming) to still attract the same women you despise? Your case is sha hopeless so continue…

  4. m

    May 4, 2017 at 10:08 am


  5. john

    May 4, 2017 at 11:00 am

    I always find it funny when low self esteem confused women like @thelma @ nkem [email protected] try to define what a real or alpha man is ..both of you are wrong even though ure are all coming from different directions..ure just trying to project your insecurities on men ..just face your life as a woman

    • Tee

      May 4, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      And there you go….insulting people but making NO contribution whatsoever.

      Get over yourself Johnny boy.

  6. Ennny Heart Heart

    May 4, 2017 at 11:33 am

    I agree with @thelma.
    The “difference” between an ‘alpha male’ and every other man, my dear Nkem is unrealistic. And this distinction, not only does it greatly simplify the multi-dimensionality of masculinity and grossly underestimate what a man is capable of becoming, but it also doesn’t even get at the heart of what is REALLY attractive to women.

    So dear writer, try getting off cloud 9 and research a good topic, bearing in mind that posts can actually influence some young person’s life decisions.

  7. LemmeRant

    May 4, 2017 at 11:56 am

    Just look at all these women defining what a Man should or shouldn’t be…


  8. Frida

    May 4, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    Barack Obama is not an Alpha male. That’s more like Donald Trump. Just saying.

  9. Cetta

    May 4, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    Hello Nkem,
    Good article

  10. oloye1

    May 4, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    the fact that feminism is becoming a wildly embraced concept for a reason socially obvious( apathy to domestic violence and women repression) should not obviate objective discourse on some very pertinent issues. I do not see any wrong in this article except for some hidden reservations against men by madam Thelma..

  11. Alpha Male

    May 6, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Half of the people I meet don’t need to learn what to do, but what to stop doing.

    There is a basic difference between a boss and a leader (an alpha), most of the people confuse themselves in differentiating the ideology of being a boss and being an alpha. Being a boss doesn’t always makes you an alpha but being an alpha will eventually groom you are a great and productive boss.

    I have been observing all the time that most of the time people tries to strengthen the traits that will groom their personality as an alpha man, but they eventually fail. Why? Because they usually fail to eliminate those habits that’s pulling them back.

  12. Eric

    May 13, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    I’d say these qualities are on point. I find that it’s difficult to do #4 because confrontation will find you in ways that you least expect, and it’s typically much easier to succumb to resorting to a default and not thinking about what your values are in the context of a situation.

  13. AGL Lifestyles

    May 14, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    This is an interesting article. Most of the points are obvious, but a good reminder on how to become a grounded man.

  14. AGL Lifestyles

    May 14, 2017 at 7:33 pm

    And self reliance is definitely underrated. Too many guys are self-victimizing which immediately takes away their alpha energy.

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