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Eniola Olaosebikan: Self Esteem – Changing the Story You Tell Yourself



The way we see ourselves matters a lot. It controls the way we carry ourselves, even around other people. It also dictates what we feel we can, or can not do. The way we see ourselves is called self- esteem.

Self-esteem, to a large extent, is about the story we tell ourselves. When you see yourself as a failure, you tell yourself stories full of defeat and phrases such that ‘I cannot’ is found, and established in your thought. Telling yourself woeful stories about yourself causes you to eventually look down on yourself.

You feel you are not good enough, simply because your mind is fixed on the negative occurrences in your life; a factor which affects not only the way you see yourself, but also the way you see yourself in relation to other people. This in the end pushes you to have a low self-esteem.

Self-esteem isn’t necessarily about beauty, although it can contribute to it. I have met stunning individuals who have very low opinions of themselves. They refuse to see themselves as beautiful, even though they are. Self-esteem is about the general way you see or perceive yourself. It has to do with what you focus on, when you think about yourself.

When you focus so much on your weakness and things you do not like about yourself, you lose a lot of self-worth. On the other hand, if you choose to focus on your strength, the opposite happens: you gain a lot of self-worth and energy to pursue the things that’ll make you better.

Rhonda Byrne once said in her book (The Secret) that “Everything that’s coming into your life you are attracting into your life. And it’s attracted to you by virtue of the images you’re holding in your mind. It’s what you’re thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you

The way you look on the outside is a solid reflection of the way you feel on the inside. You can’t be happy on the inside and be sad on the outside and vice versa. Simply put: self esteem is the story we tell ourselves about ourselves; the very image we portray in our minds and therefore project on the outside.

If people see you as weak, it is largely because you see yourself as weak on the inside and you portray yourself as such. People that usually feel they are ugly and so not worthy of complements usually turn down complements in cold ways or feel suspicious when complemented. The truth is: we tell people how to feel about us through the way we act and treat ourselves.

We all make mistakes. You should never base your self-worth on the mistakes you have made. If you knew better than you did when you made them, you simply wouldn’t have made them. Low self-esteem arises from the bad stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, and our staunch refusal to forgive ourselves for such innocent/ignorant mistake made at such point it was made.

What are your thoughts of you going on inside your mind? How do you perceive yourself? Do you still see yourself as the person (though unserious back then) who failed a lot of courses, and had to repeat many classes, leading to extra years in school? Do you still yourself as that child who wore rags because that was what your parents could afford?

Sweetheart, look at your calendar, it’s no longer that year, it’s now 2017. You are no longer who you used to be. You are now matured and full of hope and goals for life. Why punish yourself with that view of you? It’s time to let go and see yourself for who you truly are.

You are amazing and you are unique. You are the beloved and masterpiece of the One who made you and sent you here on earth.

Your life or mood won’t change by itself, if you refuse to change it. You have to change the story you tell yourself by seeing yourself right.

To be the best of you, you have to acknowledge and deal with those ugly stories that you currently use to define yourself. If you continually live in denial, you will never be able to conquer. Face your fears and you will overcome.

Accepting the truth of a circumstance makes you face the reality of it. Recognise that you’re an adult; stop getting stuck in time and telling yourself past woeful stories about yourself.

For the scars that seem too deep and too dark, find ways to heal. You can do this by exploring your spirituality in a deeper way, or by getting more knowledge into you that will flush out the negative impact of such memories.

After finding healing, be intentional about never going back to your past, especially those bad past stories. Choose to tell yourself positive narratives about yourself. Focus on things that would bring about a great and healthy self-esteem, and will make you stand shoulder high with confidence any where you find yourself.

Above all and conclusively, choose to guard your heart with all diligence and entertain only positive and higher thoughts about you with yourself. Be trained and disciplined enough to think only the best thoughts about yourself.

Till I come your way again, do enjoy the rest of your day.

Photo Credit: Groovychick69 | Dreamstime

Eniola Olaosebikan is a creative, spontaneous and in-depth writer. She writes poems, fictions, articles, songs, speeches and biographies. She holds a master degree in International Business Management from the Aberystwyth University, Wales, United Kingdom. She also speaks at conferences and seminars. She is the Author of the best selling book - The Treasure in Your Vagina: Using What You Have to Get What You Want. Her other books include - My Grandma's Story, Oge (English and Yoruba Version), Homecoming and The Priceless Jewel - all available on Amazon. You can connect with her on her social media handles; @Facebook- Eniola Olaosebikan @Instagram - cream_legend @Twitter- TheEniolaO Blog site:


  1. Exotique

    August 20, 2017 at 10:43 am

    Thank you so much. This spoke to me

  2. mila

    August 20, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Wow I needed this

  3. Mummybobo

    August 20, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks alot

  4. Lola D

    August 20, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Beautiful piece. Thank you!

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