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Peculiar Okafor: Why You are Hurt By Fake Friends

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Most people have been victims of hurt and betrayal inflicted by fake friends; and if we are honest, some of us have been fake friends too. Here are some factors that make us victims of fake friends.

The person became a friend too fast
You meet someone and in two hours decide you’re best friends? My dear, good things take time.

The friendship is based on a shallow or negative bond
Did you guys become friends because your boyfriends are close or you’re the happening crew? While these are good things, there has to be deeper bonds to a friendship. You have to know that you can show up rolled in mud and they’d hold your hand.
Did you guys become friends because you gossiped together or are bullies/trolls,etc? There is no honor among thieves. I had a friend who gossiped about a mutual friend of ours the very day we hung out together. She told me ‘I prefer your type of people because you are well trained; not like x that is a user’. I made a mental note that day to keep her at arm’s length. Three years down the line, I was the subject of her gossip with that same X that she said didn’t have home training. She knew nothing about me, so she had to make up a theory in her head that I was jealous of her.

This person uses others
Some people do not have the ability to make friends, they just use and manipulate people. Make friends with that person at your own peril.

There is silent competition
If we are honest with ourselves, we know when a little competition is brewing, that’s the time to create some distance and love from afar, so that you and the person don’t hurt each other.

You are a user/troll/queen bee
Some of us, especially those with esteem issues, put others down and create some sort of clique. What then happens is that for others to survive socially, they pretend to be your friend and care about you. When you put them down, they laugh about it, even though they are hurt. They do anything to be in your good books. The challenge with being this kind of person is that strong, emotionally healthy people see through you and want nothing to do with you. They stay out of your way, thus you attract your type, or weak and shallow people. The day you need help, you realise that all your friends are  gone; they were never your friends. They simply needed to survive. In fact, some of them might kick you when you are down.

You are not emotionally healthy
When you are healthy, you can see through negativity; if you don’t do that early, you can’t walk away. Authenticity is not being afraid to walk alone.

You don’t understand seasons
Life comes in seasons and you must also be ready to embrace it. If the time set for a friendship has elapsed and you force it, hurt begins to set in.

You don’t appreciate independence and forgiveness
Your friend is not an extension of you. When you over involve yourself in your friends’ lives, they could hurt you in a bid to regain their independence. Forgiveness is also important. Peter was a friend of Jesus who denied him, because he was afraid. We need to allow our friends be themselves, accept their shortcomings and forgive honest mistakes.

They were never your friends
I’m not saying they were fake friends, I’m saying they never even considered you a friend. They were just being polite. Most people know what they want, and decide if they want to be friends with you. Sometimes, someone views us as a colleagues/neighbours, and we view them as best friends; that’s where the hurt comes.

Life happens
Actually sh**t happens. While we try to protect ourselves, life still happens even to the wisest of us.
Remember, he that must have friends, must himself be a friend. If you get hurt, learn, forgive yourself and move on.

Photo Credit: Jami Dennis | Dreamstime

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it.She blogs at www.daworkdiva.blogspot.com.ng.. Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook 'www.facebook.com/Daworkdiva'

7 Comments

  1. Firstlady blessing

    August 19, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    Hmm

  2. lulu

    August 19, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    My current situation. Made a new friend at work recently and in my head we were already best buddies as our work required us to virtually do things together till the chick called me out over a very frivolous matter. Omo I have decided to maintain my lane and not be too fast to give people friendship status immediately

    • Dede

      August 20, 2017 at 4:49 am

      What if you are way too sensitive or it wasn’t as frivolous as you think and meant something to the other person. It’s good to be considerate of other people’s feelings too. Nowadays, people don’t understand what true friendship means. Women bond over makeup, shoes, men, gossips, comparison etc become bff instantly but never connected on important things in life, get to know each other on a deeper genuine level.. Then easily disappointed bcos an expectation wasn’t met. You can’t have lemons and expect lemonade without putting in the work.
      What I’ve learned over the years is, friendship is two way and the focus is not on the other person but myself. We are so quick to say, I want a friend who is this or that, the same for a man but are we living example first.
      And everyone is so quick to see the other person as the main problem, what if you need to work on yourself as well. You receive what you give out.

  3. bolaji

    August 19, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    Life is short so it would be great for us all to get along but that is not the reality. In Nigeria especially, people form strategic friendships occasionally to get ahead and loyalty is to the highest bidder!

  4. Bowl

    August 20, 2017 at 3:08 am

    Great article.
    Beautiful enduring relationships take time.Your best friend is one to whom your life burden is light. They will carry it at anytime.It never becomes grievous to them.
    Insecurity is the bane of many relationships.
    Everybody has some form of insecurity. Real friends bare theirs: it is nothing to be ashamed of. While many will hide under it to commit all sorts of heinous crimes against humanity.
    Now I don’t know who is worse between those friends that think you are their subordinates ,those that manipulate you, and those who think you are in competition with them.
    I have learnt with benefit of my powerful gut instincts to know who is a friend.To be honest , they are not more than 3 people on this planet

  5. Bowl

    August 20, 2017 at 3:13 am

    Now I forgot to add that humans like animals prey on each other. If you have friends who constantly hack into your vulnerabilities, then run they are not your friends but predators. They will manipulate such vulnerabilities to their advantage.

  6. Teekay

    August 20, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    Yep i have been a victim of this and i learnt my lesson. For me for no point gathering friends up and down, having two or one who you understand and can rely on is enough. And always have it in mind that your friend will hurt you and vice versa hence create a space in your heart for forgivness….

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