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Nkem Says: The Unique Perks Of Dating an Older Woman

Nkem Ndem

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I knew I was studying the right course in university when our lecturer at the time, Dr. Ekeanyanwu Nnamdi (probably the best teacher I’ll ever have) mentioned that a journalist had to have a “nose for news” and “an eye for detail”. I certainly have all of that, including an ear for the most silent whispers. I notice and hear EVERYTHING. Matter of fact, I once narrated an event to my mother – an event that happened when I was just about a year old- with so much detail that she was shocked and was like: “How could you possibly know this? You were a baby” and I was like: “Yeah, it is what it is”

One of the places I like to visit and observe the people as well as surroundings is the grocery store. It’s amazing the kind of people you see and the conversations you overhear. To be honest,I didn’t imagine I would find anything interesting last Sunday when I traveled to Novare Mall to do some grocery shopping, though. It was meant to be a pop in, really. I wouldn’t even have gone, had I not been a little partial to the Game store… they always have the freshest of veggies and fruits.

As was routine, I was garbed in a worn out tee, PJ bottoms, and bathroom slippers, my signature resting bitch face…earphones plugged. I didn’t really expect to see anything interesting until I joined the queue to pay. On the line opposite to me was a white woman, possibly in her early 40s; her husband, certainly in his mid-20s and their son (the cutest little munchkin I’ve seen in ages). It was a difficult situation for me: I was torn between smiling at their very beautiful child and judging the older white woman who obviously lured the younger man to marry her.
I stared at her so much, that she feel probably uncomfortable. I mean, other people were also staring.

Why would she come and deprive us of such a handsome young man? She was not fashionable either; she was two times his size and she seemed to be a little slow. Just as I wanted, her eyes met mine and I could see the embarrassment in her eyes. Clearly, she was battling some insecurity. Who wouldn’t… if you have to deal with judging eyes everywhere you go with your younger husband?

Maybe it was the sad look in her eyes or how uncomfortable she seemed, but instantly I felt really bad. Who was I to judge? Am I any better? Since after the guy I dated when I was 24, the rest have been younger than I am actually…I mean nothing extreme like less than 4 or 5 years …still. I know firsthand why a younger man would sincerely opt for a woman older than him. It doesn’t always have to be for some kind of gain or the woman is not always in the relationship out of desperation either.

The thing is, tradition and religion has programmed us to expect the man to be the older one in the relationship. In Nigeria especially, most couples are about the same age and when they’re not, it’s the man that’s older.

Perhaps it is set that way as there is the belief that an older men will be in a better position to care for and protect a younger woman. Truth be told, it’s not always so. Most guys would actually go for older women.

From Peter Okoye and Lola Omotayo, Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, to Kaffy Shafau and Joseph Ameh. There are so many perks to being with an older woman!

An older woman, most usually has got her own life: her own apartment, her own money, her own career. She doesn’t to depend on any man for survival in life really. When she is interested in a man, it is because she wants him. Her affections or love are genuine as well. The woman has been through enough ups and downs already and can handle just about anything. She is not desperate either. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.

She may not have the same body she had 10 years ago, but she is not one to feel threatened by younger girls or get bitchy-jealous about exes. And why would she? She is comfortable in her own skin. She doesn’t blow her own trumpet, even though she knows time has allowed her to acquire skills far superior to her younger counterparts. She is hardly dramatic and is less likely to play games.

Quite refreshing is the fact that she does not move in a herd. She can make decisions for herself and she has good judgment too. She does not need the approval of a ‘larger governing body’; her man will never be in a position where he has to apologize to not just her, but every single member of her herd when they fight.

Most importantly, she has a wealth of experience and connection that informs her actions and decisions, and this is what will help her make him a better man.

Dating an older woman is by no means for everyone. It can sometimes come with unique challenges, but with all the perks that come with it, Nigerian men may want to consider changing their preferences and broadening their bracket when searching for love.

Also, onlookers may want to judge less when they meet a woman dating or married to a younger man…no matter the age gap.

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

11 Comments

  1. john

    September 8, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    That moment you realize and it finally Dawn on you that ure getting that old and nearing your expired date after the whole shakara and being strong and independent ….u begin to write this kind of rubbish justification
    ….”Most guys would actually go for older women”……no they don’t ..maybe in your dream where you metamorphos into a beauty like Jennifer lopez etc ..or your the one feeding the poor guy while he bids his time and hope for God to bless his hutlse so he can disappear with a younger and fresh bird…. even in a well developed country with some one like the first lady of france ..it was still frowned at talkless of an average woman…unless ure willing to put in time and start brainwashing a kid still in primary school (even that is not a guarantee)…also, ask the french first lady ..how?

    • Deleke

      September 8, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Lost my virginity to an older woman, best ever. Sowed my last oat with an older woman before I got married, still hating on how lucky her husband must be.

    • Osa

      September 10, 2017 at 11:11 pm

      @deleke, most men lose their virginities to older women. And i dont believe that you still have the hots for an older woman. You took the decision you wanted to take and desired when you got married to the younger woman. So plsss plss plsss.

  2. AceOfSpades

    September 9, 2017 at 12:16 am

    A woman in a relationship is a woman in a relationship. Being older in a relationship doesn’t guarantee job, financial stability and all you mentioned. I even feel older women (I mean older than the man in a relationship) are even more jealous than younger ones and I’m talking from experience.

  3. Nahum

    September 9, 2017 at 4:05 am

    All the Naija men with their misogyny are coming for your head with this write up. These men that hate women, you are now telling them to consider older women.. they will eat you raw.

    • Shadow

      September 9, 2017 at 8:26 am

      Over generalisation ma. Many of us are fine dating older ladies. If a guy is mentally and emotionally mature, age no be issue. #MyOpinion

  4. Mz_Danielz

    September 9, 2017 at 7:29 am

    You have a signature resting bitch face? It’s not good oh, I like you Nkem, you are an interesting one, please smile more when you go out

    There’s this Smallie asking me out. I’m 3 years older, he lost his dad a year ago and just started heading the family buisness and started his own company. He always acts the man oh, paying on hangouts, asking if you need money, (I always say no) getting his subordinates to wait on you etc. but he also acts like a child; he is extremely respectful, the way you respect your elder sister; it’s subconscious for him.

    I don’t have any romantic feelings for him, he comes across like a young boy handling too much responsibility, I listen and tell him he’s doing a great job, I also try to give big sis advice though I must confess, his practical wisdom is commendable.

    I pray it never gets to the point where I have to spell it out that he’s a Smallie. I always tease and ask about his girlfriend and he gets visibly irritated; the kind of see me as a man anger.

    Me I can’t date/ marry a younger guy oh

    • BBB

      September 9, 2017 at 10:17 am

      Hi ma’m.

      Usually I smile and say to myself each man to his own.

      But I think I should say this, this manchild (as you describe it) is only one because you have choosen to see him as that. His maturity to handle responsibilities and his care for him should not be thrown away for the simple reason because he is younger than you are, some are just “blessed’. Trust me, men twice his age or your age don’t come close to what you describe of this man.

      If you see flaws you cant stand in a man in him, please do not consider dating him. But the reason to throw him away should not be because he is three years younger than you.

      All the best.

  5. esta

    September 9, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Currently dating a guy I am seven years older than.. It’s just not easy.. I have tried to get over it I just someho can’t get over the fact that two of my younger siblings are older than him.. Seriously thinking of ending things.. I still can’t even explain how I got into this in the first place

  6. Ada

    September 9, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    MzDanielz: Just introduce him to me. Lol. But seriously if he has a good head on his shoulders like you described is age really a matter?

  7. Someone

    September 23, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    I’m 9 months older than him. He lied abt his age at the start bcos he felt i wont date him if I knew d truth. I found out later but was already in love with him. Still with him and he is everything I prayed for.

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