Mrs Kush: You’re Not Addicted to Coffee, Shut Up!

Before I start let me just say this. I am very guilty of pretending to be addicted to coffee. I even did a post about it on my Instagram not too long ago.

But you see, after careful consideration and reflection I have come to the realization that I am NOT addicted to coffee. I didn’t even know I was pretending to be honest.

After years of caffeine intolerance, I discovered that I could in fact get the famous coffee buzz that I’ve heard all too much about and I ran with it.

I know better now. I even find it annoying when I’m unable to fall asleep because I had coffee late in the day.

Nowadays whenever I see someone openly declare their addiction to coffee I just shake my head on their behalf. We can’t really blame them, though. After all it’s one of the few socially acceptable addictions that you announce with pride without sounding like a junkie criminal.

I blame the media for this one. There are too many portrayals of high flying business execs in movies not being able to function without getting their caffeine fix. Somehow when their assistant brings them their cup of coffee, they magically transform from Godzilla to Superman. Closing business deals and getting the girl or boy… as it were.

We, as a society, have been conditioned to associate caffeine with success. We’ve had it stuck at the back of our heads that being addicted to coffee will up our cool factor. And we openly confess to a crime our bodies did not commit.

Before you start arguing with me and hanging on to dear life to maintain you addict status, let’s define what addiction is.

According to dictonary.com addiction is:

“The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma”.[1]

Psychology Today summarised it as:

“A condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable but the continuation of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary responsibilities and concerns, such as work, relationships, or health.”[2]

So, let me ask you this, have you spent your house rent on coffee? On the day that you didn’t /couldn’t get coffee did you experience severe trauma? Has this addiction of yours prevented you from getting a Bae?

If you answered no to all of the above, my friend sit down; be humble. You love coffee, we know but you are a long way off from being an addict. Go back to the drawing board and check again in a few more years.

It isn’t fun to be addicted to anything! Some people that suffer real addiction will openly tell you that they’d do anything to be free from it… some. I know addiction to caffeine is no where near as severe as addiction to narcotics for example, but you get my point right?

You like coffee, hell you love coffee but please stop saying you’re addicted if you aren’t. According to brainfit.com you know you are addicted to coffee if you meet the following criteria:

Dependence. You crave caffeine, spend a good deal of money on it, and arrange your day to acquire it.

AKA: Buying coffee for a few days a month after getting salary alert doesn’t count.

Tolerance. You need to keep consuming more caffeine to get the same affect. Eventually you need it just to function normally.

AKA: You used to make your mug with 1 teaspoon of coffee now you NEED 10.

Withdrawal. It’s hard to quit and you experience withdrawal symptoms if your caffeine consumption is interrupted.[3]

AKA: You’ve left your house at midnight once to buy coffee because you ran out and couldn’t wait till the morning

If we are to apply the same logic you have used to self-diagnose your coffee addiction to other things. We can safely say some of you are addicted to Amala, bad bitch*s and arse kissing.

But few people will declare an addiction to these things because there’s no swag involved. Like my mum would always says “Don’t use your mouth to invite demons that are minding their business into your life”.

After reading this article if you realize you’re not addicted to coffee, please start using that same mouth to reject the spirit of coffee addiction.

If, however, you find that you are genuinely addicted to coffee, please let’s hang out. I will always think highly you. What can I say, I’m addicted to the media and the media has told me that you guys are cool.

Love,

Mrs Kush.

Ps.

I found a short caffeine addiction quiz you can try. Its just for fun, do not substitute this internet quiz for professional diagnosis!

References

[1] http://www.dictionary.com/browse/addiction

[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction

[3] https://bebrainfit.com/caffeine-addiction-withdrawal/

Photo Credit: © Olena Yakobchuk | Dreamstime