I am Toasting/Impressing: Forget that silly poem you are writing and mix tape you are putting together! They’re so 90s please. We’re now onto bouquets of flowers, chocolate, teddy bear, Dom P, Chanel bags and the latest iPhone. If you are big boy or bigger boy, it has become part of the culture for men trying to impress a babe to get lucky. On the flipside, boxers, handkerchief, tie, cufflinks, and perfume are still the norm for women. Ladies! We can do better.
Valentine Craze: Hmmm Valentine’s day a.k.a na who get gift pass day. Men strewing with last minute orders, some ladies getting cars, cupcakes over flowing and the competition for whose desk is filled the most, some people ordering flowers for themselves (shhhhh). The hustle is real!
Christmas Hamper: All I will say is this: Danish Butter Cookies. If you know you know.
Thankful for Testimony: Praaaaaaaaaaaaaise the Lord. The contract is in, my wife just gave birth to twins, it can only be God and my pastor of course. Pastor here is the key to a brand-new Prado Jeep… my contribution to your ministry. Come on, it’s 2018, who still carries pigeon to church for thanksgiving?
Thanks for Coming: From weddings to birthday parties and funerals, picture Aunty Silifa and Mama Ibukun fighting over that plastic bucket being distributed. In recent times, Nigerians are now trying to outdo themselves with over the top souvenirs. We now have customized recharge cards, personalised bottle of champagne, mini electric cookers etc. shared at society functions. Former President Goodluck Jonathan reportedly gave out gold-plated iPhones as souvenirs at his daughter’s wedding. #happliyeverafter
Contract Hustling: Also known as brown envelope. How do you secure that government contract faster and get meetings with oga? No, it’s not bribe, it’s “lunch money.”
Corporate Gifting: How else does your favourite bank say happy new year without that diary? GTB catch your sub!
Birthdays: Now that we have given you your cake and present, where is our small chops? Also, don’t forget that you will be the one paying for dinner. After all it is YOUR birthday.
The new craze. just because it’s *insert day of the week*: This one is for the cool kids – the IJGBs. How thoughtful is it to send a cake just because or lunch from his or her favourite restaurant to score some cool points?
Last but not the least! Bridal Train Gifts: the least a couple can do is to thank their bridesmaids and groomsmen for spending that 100k on aso ebi, dresses and suits with a token of appreciation.
The list is exhaustive and if you know of any more interesting situations that I have missed out, feel free to share!
Photo Credit: © Stephanie Zieber | Dreamstime.com