Uchechukwu Orji: The Broke Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss

It’s over now.

You went to the village to eat okpa and drink chilled malt. Or maybe you went to the abroad to chop life. If you stayed in Lagos, you probably visited all the hang out spots because you no fit die for nothing. But now, Onwa December has come and gone. And you have begun the 72 days of January. It’s like God took you to heaven, and without any notice just threw you back to earth. All you have now is big belle and no money. It’s not just you, everyone is feeling it, apart from DJ Cuppy, because she is not your mate.

Your New Year resolution is to lose the weight but you lack the Otedola money. Fear not, sister, I am here to give you the good news. It shall be well.

While you were drinking coke and chopping life, I was writing this article so that when this time came, I shall be here to smack you back to reality.

Let us begin.

1. It’s about calorie deficit not “clean eating”
Normally, the phrase “lose weight” brings to mind another phrase like “clean/healthy eating.” While it is good to eat healthy or clean, the thing is if you consume more than your required amount of calories, you will add weight. The body doesn’t care what kind of calories it is. If it is excess, it is converted to fat. Practical example, bananas are generally seen as healthy. However, a medium sized banana on average contains about 100 calories. Cake, on the other hand, is seen as “fattening” or “unhealthy.” However, the calories in an average slice of cake are 255 calories. So you may think nothing about eating four fingers of bananas but you might start feeling apprehensive if you ate a slice of chocolate cake. However, you would have consumed more calories with the banana. Thus, when you want to lose weight, focus on portion control not avoiding certain foods.

2. Choose cheaper options
You don’t have to eat asparagus or broccoli if you want to lose weight. There are cheaper and better options available. If you are following a particular diet plan, you can substitute the foreign vegetables for local ones as they may be cheaper. Ugu (pumpkin leaves), gure (water leaves), akwukwo ofe ( garden egg leaves), nchuanwu ( scent leaves) are great vegetable substitutes. Eja kika (I do not know the English name), kote fish (same thing) and titus (mackerel) can work as chicken substitutes. If you want to avoid garri or akpu (both made from cassava) because of their high carbohydrate content, you can buy wheat from the market and grind on your own. Here, you are sure that all you are getting is whole wheat and it is also cheaper than buying the packaged kind.

3. Exercise
This has been shown to help with increased metabolism and building muscle. Thus it is very essential to aid weight loss. However, if you cannot afford a gym (a’ la DJ Cuppy), you can still reap its benefits. Cardio particularly is essential for weight loss. Walking, jogging, swimming and running are great cardio exercises. I particularly recommend running up and down the stairs continuously.
Weight training and calisthenics also help with building muscle which in turn helps to burn fat faster. To weight train, you could fill 2 five liter containers of water and lift it consistently. Use it to jog around and you will have dual benefits of cardio and weight training together. Calisthenics exercises are exercises done using your body weight and gravity as resistance. Squats, jumping jacks, planks, abdominal crunches, etc., are forms of calisthenics. Combine these 3 types and you will get a full body work out. Your booty will benefit greatly too *wink*.

I was listening on the radio one day and a caller was asked why he wasn’t keeping fit and his answer was “no money oo.” Of course, this is Nigeria and “no money” is a legitimate answer to every question. However, I know that lack of funds may be a genuine reason why some people do not want to be fit, hence this article.

PS-if you have sat down with yourself and come to realize that this fit-fam life is not for you, my sister, eat puff-puff and enjoy your life. You did not come to this world to come and suffer.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime