Before you laugh or say “ahan, what sort of question is this”, let us tell you now: it is a very legit question.
Many people are stuck with lazy spouses. Lazy in everything – making money, doing house chores and even in the other room. Being married to a lazy person can get very stressful; it is like fetching water and pouring it into a basket – you get nothing in return.
Lazy people have very little or even nothing to offer their spouses in marriage. They are dependants and can be likened to ticks who feast on their hosts, sucking nonstop and getting fat without giving anything in return.
So are you dating a lazy person? You better talk now, so we can know what we will do about their condition. Being with a lazy partner means you get to do all the work, even when they are available. It is like carrying your load and carrying their own load too. In fact, it will get to a stage where you will carry their own load way more than you carry yours. Funnily enough, their load is usually heavier.
If you’re not sure if your partner is lazy or not, don’t worry, we’re here for you! The simplest definition of lazy is when someone is ‘unwilling to work or use energy’, according to Oxford Dictionary. If you have a partner who is unwilling to work for the greater good of both of you (or even if it is for only him/her), the person is lazy. Period!
Anyone who is willing to relinquish all duties to their other half (who they claim to love so much) without raising a finger to help is lazy. There’s no need to sugar-coat it.
Laziness comes in many forms; it’s not just about domestic work or making money. There is emotional laziness. Some people cannot meet your emotional needs, they are detached and are not willing to put any effort into meeting your needs or making your relationship work in that aspect.
There are also people who are mentally lazy. These ones are not willing to brainstorm on anything or bring up solutions to problems. If you have someone like this, you better jaapa…
Now that we’ve established who a lazy person is. Are you married to a lazy person? First things first, are you lazy? Because if you are lazy, you are not welcome to chook mouth in this discussion. Not to be mean, but go and work fess, then come back to join us.
If you are currently dating a lazy person, it is better you either leave the relationship or begin to work on how to make him/her hardworking. You see all those broke men that will constantly be begging you for money, saying things like “Baby, borrow me 2k. I have money in my account but I don’t just want to spend it because I’m keeping it for our wedding…” All na wash!
If you are dating a lady who believes that everything should be done by her partner in a relationship – he must take care of all her needs when she brings nothing to the table – it is better to just vamoose quickly, especially if she’s not willing to change.
You need to decide if you are willing to do this for the rest of your life, if you can change such person, or if you need to jejeli walk away.
If you are already married to a lazy person, sorry o, it is too late. But since marriage is for better or worse, let us give you tips to help you through it.
Let your spouse know
In most parts, laziness is being tagged as ‘culture and tradition’. In many parts of Nigeria, men do not “enter a woman’s kitchen” because it is traditionally wrong and makes the man look weak. These men make up for this by providing for the family financially. In the same vein, the women do not work (so they don’t provide financially), but they take care of the home, children and the husband.
If you have this kind of arrangement in your marriage, good for you. But if your partner is not fulfilling their end of the ‘bargain’ (either to provide the finances or take care of the home), it is better to call their attention to it.
Especially in the case where the man loses his source of income, has to stay at home for a while and the woman is ‘forced’ to make the money. Will the roles flip? Will he start cooking and cleaning while she makes the money?
These are things that should be discussed, so you don’t feel cheated or overwhelmed. If your spouse is not fulfilling their end of the bargain, talk to them.
Lay out chores
There are some people that would not raise a finger if you do not drag them by their collar or tell them exactly what they need to do. If you have a lazy spouse, spell out their tasks and yours too. You don’t have to make it obvious. Saying things like “I will sweep, you will mop” can get awkward. Just do it stylishly “honey, can you please help me slice the onions while I chop the pepper”, “baby please fetch the water while I mop”. If after this subtle and loving method, your spouse does not still get the drift, you better be blunt…before work wee kee you.
Help them through it
The truth is, you can only help those who want to help themselves. If you have a spouse who is emotionally or mentally lazy and is willing to get better, both of you can work on it together. Start by pointing out where he/she is lacking, what exactly you want from them and how they can meet up to your expectations. You also need to realize that this won’t happen overnight. So be patient.
Make it fun
If your spouse is lazy in doing house chores, you could make it fun for them. Washing, cooking and the rest don’t necessarily have to be boring, spice it up.
Stop doing their chores for them
Sometimes, you get tired and you just want to ‘do it like that jare’. The best thing is to fight the temptation and let them do it themselves. If you continually do things for them when they are meant to do it on their own, they’re never going to change. Stop indulging them.
Walk away or live with it
If you cannot cope anymore, you can choose to walk away from your spouse before you collapse. If you cannot walk away, then you need to learn how to live with it. It is either you both agree to get a help who will assist with the homefront while you go make money, or you do all the work yourself. If your spouse is emotionally lazy and is not making any effort to get better, well… leaving is your decision to make.
Don’t nag. Continuous nagging will discourage your partner and put them off totally.
Final final tip:
Correct in love. Your spouse will only learn in an environment filled with love, not one shrouded in tension.
Last tip, we promise
Concentrate on bonding. While teaching and rehabilitating your spouse from laziness, you can use that opportunity to bond better. This can only happen if you work together as a team. Don’t leave your spouse to go sort out their problems. Work together.
Note that all these tips can only be applied if you have a willing partner. If you have someone who is bent on being lazy, OYO is your case. Accept our condolences, ndo.