Juwon Odutayo: Your Relationship Needs Proper Attention to Thrive

About six years ago, we wanted our daughter to learn how to play the piano. As parents, we lacked the skill to teach her, so we engaged the service of a music teacher who was an expert in teaching young children how to play the piano. He would come two or three times a week and pay attention to her. Little by little, she began to play basic notes and simple songs. With more hours and more attention, she was playing the national anthem and chords to many choruses, Christmas songs and hymns. She gained the skills and could hold her own on the piano.

It was a similar situation when we wanted her to learn to swim. We found a pool and hired a coach. She would go to the pool on Saturday afternoons and spend time with the coach for an hour or two. It was only for a couple of weeks before she started swimming on her own.

There is a common denominator in these two stories: whatever you want to see grow, you have to give it time and attention. Time and attention made my daughter become skilful at playing the piano. Time and attention made her become a good swimmer. Take the time and attention away and she would never have gained those skills. Whatever you want to see bloom or blossom, you have to pay attention to it.

Your relationship isn’t any different. If you really want to see it grow, you have to pay attention to the details of the process. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a dating or a marital relationship, the same process is required. What you pay attention to, thrives. What you don’t pay attention to, dies. Leave a land untouched long enough and it would grow all sorts of weeds.

If you take a moment to reflect on the areas of growth in your life, you’d attribute time and attention to them. And even in those areas where you lacked the requisite skill to develop, you engaged someone who is skilled to give attention to them. To be healthy, you have to eat well. Thus, eating well means and requires paying attention to what you eat, which is why if you can’t cook, you’d hire a chef to prepare and pay attention to your meal. If you are too busy to do your laundry, you would outsource it to people who would pay good attention to your clothes. If you want anything good or anything at all to thrive, you have to give attention to it. And this applies o your relationships as well. Fortunately, your partner and relationship cannot be outsourced, you will be the one to work on making it better.

Have you noticed how for many people, the media, your phone, and the TV competes for their attention while their partner battles to get even a small amount of it? That is because they have not realised that for their relationship to thrive, they must actually pull their weight. There’s no excuse, you must create that time to be with your partner and make your relationship work.

It’s not enough to be in love, if you want your relationship or marriage to bloom and blossom this year, give time and attention to it. If you don’t, it will simply die a natural death.

A violin teacher resumes in our house next week to teach my girl how to play the violin. Give her a couple of months, and I would be proud to share her journey with you.