The Rules For Not Using Rules in RelationshipsPosted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2012 at 10:15 AM
By Doug .E. Douglas
“If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere” – Marilyn Monroe
“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them” – Bill Cosby
“There are no rules when it comes to love” – Taylor Swift
I find it most amusing that whenever relationship issues are being discussed, there is always a stereotypical “feminist” who is usually single and quite vocal about the rules or high standards she sets for her potential partners. While it’s all well and good that people set standards for themselves, I have read some of these “rules” and some of them are just ridiculous.
Let’s talk about some of the rules I’ve heard recently and the issues I have with them.
“My boyfriend must not have more than 80 BBM contacts on his phone”
“I can’t cook for my boyfriend”
“I cannot date a person that doesn’t have a functioning air conditioner in his car”.
I think it’s important that readers understand that I’m writing from a man’s perspective and that’s why I’m giving examples relating to women, it’s not like I’m bitter towards women or anything like that.
Like I said, thresholds and standards are necessary for every person to determine one’s goals and objectives and also serve to highlight the progress we are making as individuals in realizing the same, on the other hand, I also believe that a person shouldn’t enter into a long term relationship with preconceived rules and regulations because if you like/love someone well enough, you will cut them some slack and be willing to make sacrifices for them. I think it actually makes more sense to sit down with your partner and tell him/her what you find acceptable and what you don’t.
Let me make elaborate: if you say your boyfriend shouldn’t have more than 80 BBM contacts, what if he works in an industry where it is necessary for him to network and BBM is one of the channels through which he does? Let’s look at the example of the girl who said she wont cook for her boyfriend. If you go and spend a weekend at his house, will you continue to let him buy take-out when you can make a decent home cooked meal? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think guys have any divine right to expect to be fed by women but if you know how to make a decent meal, will you deny yourself and him that just to make a point? For instance, I can’t cook to save my life. My kitchen is pretty much deserted most of the time so I don’t expect any girl that comes to visit me to cook for me because I know how to sort myself out. If, however she suggests it I’ll go along. A girl that can cook is convenient for someone like me because I can’t but it is by no means the only criteria I’ll consider before dating a woman.
The last example about the girl that said she won’t date a guy that doesn’t have a functioning air conditioning in his car, I wont give the comment any credence, it’s all sorts of unreasonable.
It would be unfair to forget the “90 day rule” while we are at it. I’m sure this topic has been beaten to death but I really wonder about it. What does it seek to achieve? I believe that the fact that you deny a guy sex for 3 months does not in any way guarantee he will be more committed to you. What if the sex is disappointingly bad after making him wait for 90 days? What if he meets someone else within that period and she has sex with him first? There are so many “What ifs” to consider in relation to this scenario. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for one night stands but I feel that women should have sex when they feel comfortable enough to and not because of some silly rule. Sometimes we need to just go along with our gut instinct, we will make mistakes but life is about making decisions, making mistakes and learning valuable lessons from them.
I also think the relationships that last the longest are those ones that no one and this includes the parties to the relationship gave a chance for success. As they say, love is about making sacrifices, love is about giving and taking so why so many rules and regulations? Even if you adhere to theses rules and regulations and you meet someone that fits those criteria, if along the way that person fall short, will that be grounds for a break-up? I fully understand that there are some “deal breakers” and there are just some things we can’t live with as individuals so I suggest we don’t sweat the small stuff and look at the big picture. What do you think?
Photo credit: rachelmariestone.com