The Rules For Not Using Rules in Relationships

If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere” – Marilyn Monroe

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them” – Bill Cosby

There are no rules when it comes to love” – Taylor Swift

I find it most amusing that whenever relationship issues are being discussed, there is always a stereotypical “feminist” who is usually single and quite vocal about the rules or high standards she sets for her potential partners. While it’s all well and good that people set standards for themselves, I have read some of these “rules” and some of them are just ridiculous.

Let’s talk about some of the rules I’ve heard recently and the issues I have with them.

My boyfriend must not have more than 80 BBM contacts on his phone

I can’t cook for my boyfriend

I cannot date a person that doesn’t have a functioning air conditioner in his car”.

I think it’s important that readers understand that I’m writing from a man’s perspective and that’s why I’m giving examples relating to women, it’s not like I’m bitter towards women or anything like that.

Like I said, thresholds and standards are necessary for every person to determine one’s goals and objectives and also serve to highlight the progress we are making as individuals in realizing the same, on the other hand, I also believe that a person shouldn’t enter into a long term relationship with preconceived rules and regulations because if you like/love someone well enough, you will cut them some slack and be willing to make sacrifices for them. I think it actually makes more sense to sit down with your partner and tell him/her what you find acceptable and what you don’t.

Let me make elaborate: if you say your boyfriend shouldn’t have more than 80 BBM contacts, what if he works in an industry where it is necessary for him to network and BBM is one of the channels through which he does? Let’s look at the example of the girl who said she wont cook for her boyfriend. If you go and spend a weekend at his house, will you continue to let him buy take-out when you can make a decent home cooked meal? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think guys have any divine right to expect to be fed by women but if you know how to make a decent meal, will you deny yourself and him that just to make a point? For instance, I can’t cook to save my life. My kitchen is pretty much deserted most of the time so I don’t expect any girl that comes to visit me to cook for me because I know how to sort myself out. If, however she suggests it I’ll go along. A girl that can cook is convenient for someone like me because I can’t but it is by no means the only criteria I’ll consider before dating a woman.

The last example about the girl that said she won’t date a guy that doesn’t have a functioning air conditioning in his car, I wont give the comment any credence, it’s all sorts of unreasonable.

It would be unfair to forget the “90 day rule” while we are at it. I’m sure this topic has been beaten to death but I really wonder about it. What does it seek to achieve? I believe that the fact that you deny a guy sex for 3 months does not in any way guarantee he will be more committed to you. What if the sex is disappointingly bad after making him wait for 90 days? What if he meets someone else within that period and she has sex with him first? There are so many “What ifs” to consider in relation to this scenario.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for one night stands but I feel that women should have sex when they feel comfortable enough to and not because of some silly rule. Sometimes we need to just go along with our gut instinct, we will make mistakes but life is about making decisions, making mistakes and learning valuable lessons from them.

I also think the relationships that last the longest are those ones that no one and this includes the parties to the relationship gave a chance for success. As they say, love is about making sacrifices, love is about giving and taking so why so many rules and regulations? Even if you adhere to theses rules and regulations and you meet someone that fits those criteria, if along the way that person fall short, will that be grounds for a break-up? I fully understand that there are some “deal breakers” and there are just some things we can’t live with as individuals so I suggest we don’t sweat the small stuff and look at the big picture. What do you think?

Photo credit: rachelmariestone.com

83 Comments on The Rules For Not Using Rules in Relationships
  • Annabelle August 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

    1st to comment :) .
    I think all those things are minor concerns and can be fixed such as the amount of contacts, AC, and cooking. The main issue the girl should focus on and vice versa is if there is love, respect, honesty, commitment, and communication. These things would and should be the basis of any relationship once you have that locked down all other issues/concerns would be easy to handle and deal with.

  • x August 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

    1. Functioning air conditioning is not a luxury in Nigeria, I’m sorry to say. A guy could have a broke-down old corolla – i’m talking 80’s type refurbished, square box – and still have air conditioning.
    What does it profit a girl to go on a date with a nice guy and suffer the emission of sweat?
    2. Rules are there as guidelines, general expectations that help steer relationships in the right direction. Once they start to control the direction of the relationship, either the rules or the relationship must go.
    3. And only 80 contacts? That’s kind of ridiculous in today’s social network-dependent society.

  • pinkdiamond August 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

    am first yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy>>……
    i totally agree wif u but its really not about the rules its tryn not to make the same mistakes u ve made in a failed relationship……….BDW am just saying>

    • Mz Socially Awkward… August 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

      What the heck is “BDW”? People, stop with the acronyms, please… they’re becoming a sereious nuisance…

  • Seun August 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

    what a useless article

    • sepia_chick August 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

      If you don’t think the article is reasonable then don’t comment. Leave others that enjoy the article and think it worthwhile to comment.

  • Fola August 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

    pls stop glorifying premarital sex abeg. we all know its wrong but pple still do it. now u even have the nerve to refute the 90-day rule. How about showing her you love and respect her by waiting it out??? LOVE IS PATIENT dude!
    Let pple set and keep rules if they like. it reflects their values, boundaries and limits. wots ur own?

    • winnie August 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

      Fola u just spoke my mind!

    • Princess of Zion August 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      That’s very true! For me, my blueprint for a successful relationship with your friends, family, colleagues, business associates, partner or spouse lies in the Bible!
      Love one another, treat the other person how you would want to be treated, use wisdom, be discerning, respect each other, honour God, be faithful to one another! If both parties in any relationship do this, it will be beautiful, harmonious and happy.

      It’s the Celebration of Marriage week- Appreciate your spouse today!!
      http://www.princessofzion.wordpress.com

    • Chattyzee August 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      Gbam! I agree with you.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

    • fokasibe August 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      Bless you! Well said!

    • TruthTeller August 14, 2012 at 1:34 pm

      Thanks for reminding us that FORNICATION still remains ungodly and ONE of the sins that leads to hell. We can choose to repent from our sins, or remain urban/funky about it, calling everyone that calls us to order a ‘hater’ or “judgmental’ all the way to eternal damnation – HELL.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… August 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

      Don’t mind them… the very same group of male amebos who’ll spread your gist far and wide if you gave it up on the first date… although, I probably shouldn’t generalize… but still…

      The worst part is many of them want to marry virgins… again, I maybe shouldn’t generalize…

      Stick with the rules in the Bible, people! God knew exactly what he was protecting us from when he implored us to abstain from pre-marital sex.

    • somebody August 14, 2012 at 2:33 pm

      Spoke my mind Fola, same thing I was thinking as I read this article. God bless you ma’am.

    • Debo August 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      Thank you. By the time I got to that part I just switched off. What is wrong is wrong

    • Chi August 15, 2012 at 1:19 am

      God bless you. Yeye guys!

    • KingBey August 15, 2012 at 1:20 am

      You’re just being over-sentimental. If people are going to have sex, THEY WILL. He is not saying jump into any bed but if sex is your thing, then don’t set any stupid 90-day rule. Shikena.

      And listen to yourself-” a guy should WAIT IT OUT”? With all your holier than thou behavior, you should at least have the ‘holy sense’ to date a guy who is just as passionate as abstinence until AFTER marriage. You don’t know it all so just relax. Schew.

    • Tunmi August 15, 2012 at 6:57 am

      Not everyone sees premarital sex as wrong and not everyone is religious. You believe in it, as do others, and that is fine. But don’t go forcing your views on others. Premarital and in-marital and post-marital and gbo gbo e, use protection and live your life.

  • elohor August 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Somehow, I aint feeling this article @ all. When I saw the title I thought it would be an engaging read. Whats your point exactly

  • isoken August 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Nice write up. Me myself I don tiyah for all these rules in relationships, sometimes it does more harm than good. Just do what feels right for your relationship and be happy. To each its own.

  • tonia August 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

    heheee. it appears you are looking for a cook and sex machine. this sucks

  • olabisi August 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

    GOOD point.

  • adenike August 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I won’t critique the article because I’m not much of a great writer myself.
    As regards relationship ‘rules’ – I always say this; relationships don’t come with manuals. You may set rules for a man and after 9months – you realise he’s your number one ‘law-breaker’. Do you opt out? And such keeps happening again? Besides,you don’t set rules for someone you love or intend loving.
    No one is perfect so most of the time,I advise people to go with the flow,work on those imperfections and you’ll be fine. But before dating someone, you must know what you want and what you sure don’t want.
    P.S: Aircondition/Cooking/BBM Contacts – how old are these people you talk of?

    • mma isaac August 14, 2012 at 1:07 pm

      yea that so true. How can u start your relationship with rules. i don’t buy dat.

    • Mee August 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      i soo love ur comment, dats d rite question, how old are they? 19 going 20 im sure. i’ve never heard of such b4, no ac in d car, if he does not have car nko? yeye pple… smh

  • Omo August 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I was really expecting more from the article..I bet its from a guy’s perspective..lol

    Well I think there should be certain rules guiding a relationship..there are certainly general rules that should apply to all relationships..but not flimsy things as “having a functional a/c in a car” or “to cook for a guy or not”..there should be more binding rules like fidelity, trust and love.

    There is always compromise in relationships..and of course for me the rule is this: that a guy should be able to express love, trust and be faithful…aside those (and probably some other important ones) I don’t think there should be any hard and fast rule to relationships..What works for couple A might not work for couple B..cos we all have different approaches and attitudes to life!
    Different strokes for different fellas they say ;)

  • Kemi August 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

    lovely write-up. I totally agree with you. My fiancé will always tell me that “nothing is cast on stone” . What works for ‘A’ might not necessarily work for ‘B’, we just have to overlook some things if we love someone and make some sacrifices just as you rightly said.

  • jemmi August 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

    wow,boring and pointless…sorry but this article lacks substance

  • dezzy August 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

    ZZZzzzzzzz

  • mp August 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

    dis article is not just it. wasted my precious time reading it and gained nothing from it. mtcheeew……………………………..

  • bellybutton August 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

    relationships that have rules tend to have a limitation period. i say this coz i know the human nature is forever adapting to its environs, if this is true why set rules for something that you want around for a long time when you could just be carpe diem? the article was weak, as he struggled to make his point, but the idea was brilliant. if the writer takes another go at it with oscillating views about rules, i.e. man v. woman oerspcetive it would be great. Also, having some serious rules e.g. never get get involved with a foriegner, will give the article a mature spin. good job for a first draft though.

  • didikan August 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

    article is below standard. nexxxxxt. mtsheeww

  • 1st Anon August 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Who made the rules in the 1st place? People with perfect lives and relationships? There is a constant, humans are not perfect including you and I, so relying on yourself, your wisdom or the way it generally goes in the world, or some rules is bound to FAIL. We bible thumpers will always dare you to try the traditional principles of the good ole book,try it to the letter and with someone who’s willing to follow thru to the letter as well, and see if you won’t find a solid life-long lasting and exciting love.

  • O August 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    That you would say that women that say these things are feminist just shows that like everyone else you are shaped by what you read and see in the media and do not bother to do your own personal research. I am tired of the feminist movement being treated like this and misrepresented. The three statements that you based your article on have nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with personal preference.

    The next time you want to mention the feminist movement do some proper research

    • Mz Socially Awkward… August 14, 2012 at 2:07 pm

      Thank you!!!

    • somebody August 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

      Bless your heart! Well said. Those statements are more like silly personal preferences than rules. I’ve never heard of such before.

    • Sabirah August 15, 2012 at 1:11 am

      Thank youuuuu!!!!!! ughhhh such a baseless assumption!

  • Cheerlady August 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    First off, i do not agree with either sides of the argument.
    Saying No rules in a relationship is a rule in itself…don’t u think?

    Having said that, my take on relationship is quite simply there are no hard and fast rules but If u have standards u live by then there’s notin wrong in expecting certain standards from the one person you plan on spending d rest of ur life with.
    Standards are not alwaz about money or social status…its just knowing that there’s a level u won’t go below , not for anything or for anyone.

  • PussyBoy August 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Bellanaija should just focus on weddings & events and stop publishing articles scribbled by some immature writers!

  • efe August 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    The issue of glorifying SEX before marriage is just RUBBISH,not a point to be considered.

  • phaytea August 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    …i’m not done reading the article but just had to quickly say people who actually consider those 3 rules mentioned are plain silly…..like seriously, i mean limited bbm contacts, not cooking, no air condition should be least on the list. if i were to be a guy, i’ll gladly remix fabolous’s ‘cant let you go’ to ‘i can let you go’

  • phaytea August 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    And now i’m on the 90 day rule and it screams selfish….so i’m thinking how about the guys respect her decision for not wanting to go all the way…what if you just stay true to her not go arounding sniffing any and everything in skirt.feel free to make your rules as long as the other party knows whats in for him /her.

  • Funmi O August 14, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I agree with others in saying that the article did not seem well thought out. I don’t see what the point you were trying to make is. Very very weak article.

  • Chattyzee August 14, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    I’m not sure how I feel about this article. Mixed feelings in fact.
    http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

  • ngodoo ihom August 14, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    I agree with Fola, the best manual for relationships is the Bible and glorifying pre-marital sex stinks. beside if you are in a relationship where someone will not treat as he or she would treat his own brother or sister, then what is the point? too many times ladies especially settle for less and the guys meet she devils

  • Chattyzee August 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    After much thought on this article, here is my 2 cents;
    1) I don’t think the writer of this article meant any harm. It he he had good intentions but he just struggled with putting his thoughts together in a way that would appeal more to people. So y’all should cut him some slack.
    2) As to the rules stated here, that’s just simply ridiculous! I mean what educated girl with confidence in herself will have a rule like “he must have 80 contacts” on bbm? That’s just arrant nonsense abeg!
    3) Rules in relationship is same as rules everywhere else. They work for some and don’t work for others. That does not mean that rules are totally useless. Take me for e.g. I have some things that i will NEVER compromise on in a relationship, it’s just the way it is.
    4) As to the issue of sex, well, y’all know where I stand on that.
    5) The basis of a relationship, marriage, family, or any other thing should be God. When God is your foundation, the house you build will not collapse and he guide you the steps to take to make you a success in whatever you do.

    want more? lol visit http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

  • Ikunkun August 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    All I know is that just because the AC in my car is broken right now…and I am in fact in search of a man with functioning Air Conditioning(At least for a couple of weeks) in his motocar….babygirl;-) is about to get a heat stroke any minute from now…and trust me, You sure don’t want it to be in your car!!!hehehe
    My point?? We all have different needs or wants depending on were we are in our life’s jare, Priorities differ, hence I shall advise that you do not create a no rules rule :-).

  • joinmecelebrate August 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I don’t understand the fuss about this write-up. Simply savour the writers message and move on. All he is trying to say is there are no rules in relationship. what works for A won’t for B. ….So many broken records in da house! smh

  • Omo August 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    @1st Anon..You are very right..we have to learn from the Author’s Book

  • taiwo August 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I commend you for taking time out to write this article but i would appreciate it if you did more/ a better research next time. I agree with you in some things but dude! you CAN NOT go about supporting premarital sex. Please why is she sleeping over in his house?….except they have a family event and they are in separate rooms i see no point..
    I believe a relationship should have certain rules and standards such as “we never go to bed angry with each other”, we neva invite a third party to our quarrels/arguement, i can go on and on. Also a relationship based on GOD,LOVE, TRUST, COMMITMENT, FRIENDSHIP will not have issues with the 3 examples you gave.

  • lil miss perfect August 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I am utterly surprised at how people miss the entire point of this lovely article. He spoke from a guy’s perspective and I am inclined, even as a lady, to agree with him. He is by no means advocating sex neither is he looking for cook. What the writer is saying, and indeed, I think he made that point is that do not set rules even to your own detriment. As he said, if cooking is your thing, do not because of some lousy rule set by others deny yourself or your bf that advantage. People smell fake a mile away, people know when you are just pretending and sticking to the rules so that you will be seen as a “no nonsense upright girl’ when in fact you are just a cheap lowlife looking to bag a ring from the guy. In the end, do not let any rule determine how you will run your relationship. To each really his own. Whatever sincerely works for you, then, by all means, do it. As the writer concluded, there are indeed ‘deal breakers’ that people just can’t live with. For some one like me, the deal breaker is built on Christ. We must connect when we pray together. I f we do, then it won’t matter if he needs my support to buy a new car (remember the rule that “don’t spend on a guy”) or he needs my help to make his favourite Afang soup. I will still love him regardless.

    • Asking Questions August 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

      God bless you!

      And guess what? Half of those screaming bout Pre-marital sex are the ones getting it the most outside marriage. God is watching them all!!!

  • @joy August 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Why on earth will the writer mention sex. U and I knw pre marital sex is bad, people still do it 4 fun.The article is all abt single not married. Anyway nice1

  • Dids August 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    You should have balanced your piece by writing a few ridiculous rules set by men too. E.g I can’t date a girl that has natural hair , I can’t date a girl that has male friends, I can’t date a girl that works in a bank. Trust me you guys even set dumber rules.

  • Sade August 14, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Its bad enough that the article was terrible, and I mean terrible, but to use such examples, I am beginning to wonder if this article was written by a 15 year old boy, because such rules are the ones you will see among teenage girls. So, Oga writer, did your nephew write this for you? I knew this article was terrible the second I read those 3 rules first. i said to myself. huh? Those are the best examples of rules, he could think of. Ok, let me not write it off totally, let me read what else he has to write. Mschew comes to mind. I mean seriously. Rules are there for a reason. They bring order, structure, discipline and sometimes guidance. Rules can define your character. Even the Bible has set rules, how we mere men, can suddenly scoff at rules, just makes me know the devil reigns supreme in this world. When i say rules abeg, not the chewing gum ones that the writer put down, but proper rules with moral and spiritual backing, which should permeate every aspect of your life. Ah ah, what is wrong with having standards. No wonder 9ja is the way it is. No rules, all gloves are off, do what you like, go with the flow. Phlease. 90 day rule for sex? What about no sex before marriage at all. What is 90 days. Please BN, this is rubbish. Who vetted this? Standards must be falling big time. Like someone said, please stick to reporting weddings and events, no shame in that. At least, the E News channel is the most successful enetrtainment channel in the world. Dont pretend to be capable of putting up deep articles, and then fall flat on your face

  • Doug E August 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I think its important that i made a couple of points here. The examples i used in the article were the most ridiculous rules i had come across and that was the reason i used as the basis for the article. I’m not promoting premarital sex, i stated that clearly in the article. The main point i was drawing your attention to was the fact that every rship is different and there are no hard and fast rules to making a relationship work.

    • Sade August 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      That’s just a lame excuse. Sorry Doug. Please read what you wrote from the perspective of the readers that have left not so glowing feedback, myself included. Then you’ll see that it is not just the examples and the premarital sex, that is wrong with this article.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… August 14, 2012 at 2:21 pm

      Doug, I hear you but this article wasn’t the best way to make your point. What you’ve effectively done is:-
      a) label every woman with the audacity to even set standards for herself “a feminist”
      b) highlighted your own rule is “to have no rules”
      c) rubbished certain guidelines which some females have set (for whatever damn reason they had for setting them) as being silly.

      Tell me, how are we not supposed to take offence? You came off sounding like a sexist _____ (insert appropriate metaphor in blank space), firmly bent on changing women’s attitude to dating so they could become more like what men would prefer them to be … but, what do I know, I’m just a feminist who likes her own rules …

    • Inspector Gadget. August 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

      hey!! r u actually explaining to d pple??? ah- ah! dat means u urself agree wit us dat ur article wz quite a weak one! wen a stand-up comedian cracks a joke & den begins to explain it, it means only one tin, d joke wz dry(boring). u just knacked ur article inside portor-portor wit ur own hand, y naa???

    • Sade August 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

      I am going to copy and paste what you wrote, because it looks like your memory is a litle short. “It would be unfair to forget the “90 day rule” while we are at it. I’m sure this topic has been beaten to death but I really wonder about it. What does it seek to achieve? I believe that the fact that you deny a guy sex for 3 months does not in any way guarantee he will be more committed to you. What if the sex is disappointingly bad after making him wait for 90 days? What if he meets someone else within that period and she has sex with him first? ”
      Read that again Doug. So, you deny a man sex, and he goes elsewhere. WTH. So that he shouldnt go elsewhere, you shoudl sleep with him to keep him. I swear, only a man will write that. You make the man sound like the offendee. What if you deny him sex. Erm, is it your right to give a man sex, or is it his right to demand it form you. Abi, where is teh talk of deny coming from. Seriously. I’ll paste this again “There are so many “What ifs” to consider in relation to this scenario. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for one night stands but I feel that women should have sex when they feel comfortable enough to and not because of some silly rule.” Oya, defend yourself. Mschew

  • lyndah August 14, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    nice writeup, but in a relationship sex should have to wait till the appointed time(marriage) comes.

  • Theodora August 14, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Seriously guys its wrong to call someones hard work rubbish in regardless of how you feel, its a free world this is how the writer feels and what you should do is be for it or not for it, everyone here is shouting NO TO PRE MARTIAL SEX but i bet a lot of people here shouting it dont pratice it, cause i realized a lot of peeps are just hypocrites …now to my own point i dont know who made those rules but i think its wack… ALL I CAN SAY IS FOLLOW WHAT WORKS FOR YOU GBAM////

  • God Pikin August 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I tink i get d gist of dis article, however the truth is any rship nt based on God’s word will SURELY crumble!

  • Doug E August 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    @Sade, maybe you may care to tell me

    • Sade August 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for one night stands but I feel that women should have sex when they feel comfortable enough to and not because of some silly rule.” Oya, defend yourself. Mschew. I will like to hear you say this to your daughter when she’s old enough. How many men will she date, before she gets married, that she will be comfortable with. So, she may as well go ahead and sleep with all of them then. Seriously. If you still have to ask what is wrong with the article. Dont blame me if i ask, did your 15 year old son or nephew write this? Because this doesnt come from the point of a mature man. End of………..

    • Asking Questions August 17, 2012 at 6:23 pm

      @ Doug E, Why are you busy responding to them???? Your write up must have hit @ Sade in the wrong place. I guess she must have shallow standards and she’s attacking you just to mask it.

  • ty August 14, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    bleh… dry article, dry comments…

  • grapes August 14, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    These incessant articles always addressing the role of a woman in a relationship is a picture of how our society thinks. I mean, why don’t we have more articles telling men what to do and how to make a woman happy in a relationship? while i am not here to challenge the truthfulness or otherwise of this article, my point is, we need more articles that address the behavior of men. i am simply tired of these mundane, typical and condescending articles always trying to paint a woman’s perspective as bad and wrong.

    • Tunmi August 15, 2012 at 6:58 am

      GBAM!!! Lets have it balanced for once.

  • Dr Bee August 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I wish some ladies would wake up from their fantasy haven and start being realistic!

    • Sade August 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

      I hope you have also told the men too, to wake up from the unnecessary stress they put on women and be realistic. I dont blame the way guys treat women in our society. When you have articles like this, bashing the women. Like someone said, why didnt Doug write something about the silly rules, some men also have. “I cant date a woman who wont have sex”, “I cant date a woman who earns more money than me”, “I cant date a woman who has family responsibility”, “I cant date a woman who has more degrees than me” trust me, I have heard some rules, some mean have. It borders on ridiculous, yet it is the woman that would be slagged off. Mschew

  • God Pikin August 14, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Y’all shld calm dwn plz, all dis writer did was 2 put dwn his opinion in the way he knew best,u dnt ave 2 accept it if u dnt like it,ders no need attacking him like dis nw, criticism is only useful when its constructive…

  • Shay August 14, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Right. A lot of your comments seem to be focusing ONLY on the ’90 day’ rule. So it’s safe to assume that you’re all keeping your legs closed and working on other ways of making your relationships thrive. Otherwise, you’d be waiting a long while for that first night of marriage to materialise!

  • walewades August 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    i personally dont believe in all of these rules setting, the max i go is making my expectations and reasons known and that i demand from my partner. that said, i believe that some (not all) ladies now see relationships as a means to a better life (no offence). i always ask as many as i have a chance to discuss this topic with this question, “WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE?” since this is supposed to be a partnership. you will find out that a lot of these ladies are not worth the bargain. i believe a woman who knows her worth and place in a family thinks differently. its okay to desire a better level/person/state/status but make sure you are contributing something substantial to the relationship and its growth

  • oge August 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    ”Like I said, thresholds and standards are necessary for every person to determine one’s goals and objectives and also serve to highlight the progress we are making as individuals in realizing the same, on the other hand, I also believe that a person shouldn’t enter into a long term relationship with preconceived rules and regulations because if you like/love someone well enough, you will cut them some slack and be willing to make sacrifices for them. I think it actually makes more sense to sit down with your partner and tell him/her what you find acceptable and what you don’t”
    I believe the writer said he was talking from the perspective of a guy which he is. and also that he is asking your views on those particular rules and rules in general. i don”t think a lot of you read the above lines well which sum up his viewpoints. Please let us all stop being sanctimonious. i believe 98% of those commenting all had/have premarital sex. and it is also extremely rude to just up and tell someone that their work is rubbish. I wonder how u will feel if you were told the same in the office. we all need to learn what constructive criticism is about. As to the write up, i believe there should be rules but we shouldn’t let them get in the way of a good thing. I have heard a lot of ladies talk about the AC and cooking rule and I can understand your viewpoint. To me it is also ridiculous. but for the 90day rule I think it might work only if the guy is really interested in you and also i believe that he could still cheat on you after the 90 day period. It could go either way. It all goes to show that all you have to do is be the best you can in a relationship and do what your instincts tell you too. I believe your instincts can never guide you wrong if you listen to them.

  • Dids August 15, 2012 at 12:50 am

    Well like I stated previously dear writer you should have written on ridiculous rules set by men too , balancing the article……

  • CEO August 15, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Anyway, I agree with “God’s pikin”. If a r/l is not built on God, just like everything else its doomed for failure which is why people feel the need to make up rules. I just obey God’s Word. His commandments are not burdensome and they surely come with blessings! That’s the way to go

  • envy kills August 15, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @sade,enough said,is he ur ex boyfriend,why so bitter and u kept rattling.Girls that preach so much against sex are the worst,they commit abortion every now and then,date sugar daddy all for money,why killing somone simply blcas he talk abt sex?? I stop having sex,not because the bible condemn it,bt blcas my relationship never work for me,and wen sex goes with it,u feel greatly hurt.let stop pretending pls,guys are beginning to have girls thrown sex right into their face,why all the bashing about girls and moral standard?

    • Sweets August 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

      That is a totally inaccurate generalisation. Just because you condone pre marital sex, and/or don’t want to be “hypocritical” about it, doesn’t mean that EVERYONE, who does not tolerate it, is having sex behind close doors. Open your mind, geez, and stop being narrow minded. Some people have chosen this path, and I don’t think they should be slagged off, because they have dared to be different. You, that have gone on the road of pre-marital sex, thats your decision. At least their decision is based on the Bible, and their faith. What is your excuse? I may be wrong o, and I am not generalising, but sometimes, i think it is misplaced sense of guilt, or self annoyance that someone has decided to keep themselves until marriage, and you failed at it, so, deep down it really ticks you off, so, your way of dealing with it, is to attack such a person. Or maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, that what you are doing or have down is not so bad now, since everyone does it. So you don’t have to look at yourself real good, and ask yourself where you went wrong, or if you have done things differently, you would have stayed away from pre marital sex. Because they say, you attack people’s views, when it reminds you of the flaws that you yourself have. There is truth in that statement.

  • babierose August 17, 2012 at 12:08 am

    very weak article. Bella naija, u can do better dan dis nd mr Doug, did u really have to defend urself? Ujust made urself sound more clueless.

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