Friday, the 15th of February 2013 is a day I looked forward to for over a month. Banky W‘s Grand Love Project was a fantastic show. Because, I’m such a fan of Mr. Capable, I got to Civic Centre at 7.20pm. As I hurriedly parked the car, I hummed “Don’t Break What’s Left of my Heart” a song from his Back In The Building album.
Ah! I’ve been following Banky W faithfully for a while now and I was finally going to be in a really small enclosed space with him. I was happy.
Over the past few weeks, Banky has dropped a few singles off the new R&BW album and if there’s any doubt as to who Bankole Wellington was, R&BW dispelled it. He has redefined Nigerian R&B and my love for the man only waxed stronger and deeper.
As sharp as my mouth is on here, I’m ridiculously shy. I can’t fully express my effusiveness in person and since my feelings for Banky have no intention of going anywhere any time soon, I’ve decided to write and this piece was inspired solely by the object of my affection - “Banking Dobliyou”.
Please find below, 10 reasons why you should be my lover. I look forward to your favourable response and if you need to reach me, just send an email to the good guys at BellaNaija, and they’ll get in touch with me.
1. I am a Fantastic Cook – For someone who loves cooking the way I do, it’s only right that I find someone who loves good food. Really babe, I know food like science. I have cooking on a lock down and I LOVE to experiment. Do you remember when you said this?
“I like fun girls; girls who love music and can dance because I love to dance. If you can cook it’s a huge plus because I am a sucker for good food. I am not a sweet tooth; I don’t eat cakes, candy, chocolate etc. I will eat ice cream once in a blue moon but if you give me goat meat, rice, chicken or beef, I am VERY happy. I also like friendly, go-getter girls that have their own thing going on. So I can be inspired by what they do as well”
Ah! Bankole, I read your chat with BN’s Glory Edozien a while ago and all I can say is you don’t have to look any further. I am the
not so tiny embodiment of all that you have encapsulated above. I can cook and I love cooking. You don’t believe me? Ask my friends!
2. I am a Huge Fan - I have been following your work from the Undeniable EP! I nearly killed my room mates in Uni with the tracks from “Back in The Building”. Every line from each song sounded like you were crooning specially for me.
I have all your songs and your videos on my computer. They’re even backed up on my external harddrive. You know how these things know how to mess up and crash. Mba! I can’t risk that happening. I even have all your videos. The Etisalat and Samsung ones are not excluded. If it has Banky in it, then I have it. You need a lover who believes in you and roots for you every step of the way. I don’t like how you guys did “police and tiff” video for “Feeling It” but I trust that you knew what you were doing when you decided to go for that theme. I mean, surely love is something worth fighting for. I will leave talking about how I tirelessly and endlessly pored over everything you posted in The Bank Statements. Oh Banky, please say YES!
3. I Do Not Care about the Size of your Head - Can we all agree to rest the Banky “head” jokes? I mean, they’re overplayed out and tired already. Dear Bankole, I do not care about the size of your head. I’ve spent so long staring at your photos that I no longer see anything out of place. You see sweetie, where others see a humongous orb that needs to be covered up with a hat, I see body part that sits quite nicely on a well toned neck. Heck! How many people can rock different hats like that?
Where others see a huge head, I see the fact that inside head lies a lot of intelligence and business acumen. You see Banky, you should be my lover because like you, I’m an entrepreneur and we will form a formidable team together. Inside that head lies the smart that came up with the appropriate retort for Dr. Reuben Abati when he tried to smutify the work of young people in the entertainment industry. So you see, I don’t care about the physical size of your head. I know for a fact that the space in between your ears, in its wide expanse is one of the reasons why you should say yes. Banky, be my lover!
4. I Do Not Believe Everything I Read - I am a smart,
not so young woman who knows not to believe everything in the media. I know that newspapers and magazines sometimes colour the truth to get more people to buy their products. The fact that you’re a talented super-star automatically means that your name alone drives traffic to social media platforms. You should be my lover because I choose to trust anything you tell me. I will not blindly believe any and everything in the news. All that talk about how you hang out in a particular bar in Lagos because you play for the other team will not be believed by me. I will be your friend and your partner. The papers and blogs can write whatever they like, I’ll dutifully believe you and only what is logically plausible. You know what’s even more fantastic? I’m a writer! Which means that there is no need to get a publicist to do a shoddy job of issuing press releases with regards to your music… We can keep it in the family. Say Yes, Banky, say YES!
5.I Love your Surname – The way it rolls of the tongue and how every time it rains I look for Wellington boots just to have the chance to say that name willy nilly!
It doesn’t matter that it’s more than two syllables, I’m sure I can manage. It’s just so sweet. Baby, let me be your
6. I Would Love you AND your Sideburns -There’s a thin line between love and hate; boo, your side burns is that line. Baby, I am not a fan of your side burns but I promise to love you and your sideburns forever. I promise not to go all Delilah on you and sneak in a Wahl product. No, I wont.
Banky, let’s not lie, you are one FINE specie of a man. I appreciate a man who looks good and dresses good and you’ve shown consistency over the years. They say that a man can’t have everything in life and as such I’m willing to concede that the sideburns are the one thing that tries to take away from perfection. Baby, I love how you look with or without the annoying facial hair and one thing is for sure, I wont leave you for a better looking man. I’m consistent and diligent like that. Say YES, babe! Just say the Y word Meesta W.
7. I am Capable - In your interview with BN you said:
“Also, apart from time, there’s the question of trying to find the right person which is the million dollar question. Because in my line of work you tend to meet with either real big fans or people that you just don’t really identify with. There is always the question of whether this person will love the real me. Everything is so jumbled together because my music personality and my real personality are kind of the same…“
Boo, I am all you need and more. I am that girl who will make you smile. I will look beyond the public veil and see the real you. Passionate, kind and energetic; I am that girl who is demure when I need to be and I’d gladly knock your socks off because it is you. You mentioned the fact that you have a hectic work schedule, boo, I’m a professional too. I understand work ethics and diligence in my endeavours. Heck, I’m a LAWYER AND a WRITER. Baby, I wont be twiddling my thumbs waiting for you to bring home the bacon. Rather, we’d have intellectually stimulating discourses over the phone and over Skype while you’re away and when you’re home we’d cuddle in front of the TV and watch re-runs of our favourite shows. I’d gladly make you goat meat or chicken peppersoup to comfort you when your team, Arsenal, does what it does best.
8. I LOVE your Voice – There’s a lilt that sounds almost too good to be true. It’s the twang of down to earth mixed with the slight Yankee accent. It is there in that little laugh of yours that made me want to tear out the eyes of that girl you were grinding up against on the day of the R&BW concert. It is that voice that has made you a multi-award winning singing sensation. I was rather mesmerized by your performance at the concert. The only problem was that blasted Seyi Law! He was VERY funny! An agent of the devil, sent to distract me from making you the sole focus of my attention. Baby, that Grand Love Project was a great show. It was classy and sweet. I mean, I was really miffed that y’all started 4 hours behind schedule, but baby, I forgive you. Love keeps no record of wrong doing after all.
Banky, you can SING! It would be an honor to be with someone so utterly and completely blessed with such an amazing voice. Let me ask you, here and now: Would you be my lover? Don’t use me catch cruise. Please let me be the ONE! Would you be my lover? Don’t say NO!
9. I Have Remained Faithful – You see, back in 2005 when people started hearing your name in the Nigerian music scene, there were very few good looking, well spoken and charismatic artistes. So there were so many girls lusting after you.
And a few guys too, dare I add. But you know fickle the human mind is, they have all fizzled out. Especially with the influx of good looking celebrities in the now; Praiz, Bez, Iyanya, Lynxxx… These men have come but all they have done is try, at the very least, to shake my devotion to you. Bankole my love, you alone dey make my heart go chin ke le le. Eh chin ke le le! My heart is going gbim gbim as I write this. I have not joined the band wagon of everybody drooling over Chris Attoh. I have remained firm in the face of temptation. This is only to prove that my love for you isn’t one to be blown away by every wind of sexy-looking celebrity that comes along. No, no, no! My devotion is reserved strictly for you Banky. Please, be my lover!
10. I Have Taken Time Out to Point Out 9 Reasons Above – They asked me to wait to be chosen. They said you are a super star and definitely out of my reach. They said you have actresses and beauty queens falling over themselves to be with you. They said I stand no chance with Mr. Capable, Mr. Strong Thing, the Life of the Lagos Party, Chairman E.M.E; they said all that and more… but I said NO! This is my year of being proactive and taking the bull by the horn. Time will not permit me to describe how loud I screamed when Christiane Amanpour played “Change” and mentioned your name on her program. I’m also constrained for space or else I’d have regaled you of tales of bravery; of how BankyBoo was in the front lines for Enough is Enough, Occupy Ojota & the Anti-fraud drive. Ah! Banky, no greater lover would you have than me.Please say you would be mine and let me have “the W experience”.
Boo, your Etighi in this video na wa oh! *side eye*
So Banky will you be my lover? Underline your answer and send this note back to me.
B. Of course
C. All of The above