Toolz’ Thoughts: Till Lack of Talent Do Us Part

Posted on Monday, June 17th, 2013 at 11:38 AM

By Toolz

Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly and the WTH in auditions whilst working on X-Factor. Things can get quite emotional during the audition stage, so I was expecting a few tearful and heart-wrenching moments, but I honestly didn’t expect any deep and thought-provoking moments.
Let me explain. A few couples came to the auditions and this mainly consisted of one person coming to audition and their partner there for support. I would generally spend a bit of time with the ‘supporting partner’ backstage finding out (without being too intrusive) about their relationship and if the ‘supporting partner’ thinks the judges would dare say NO to their auditioning boo.

Whether the audition was good, bad or just average, one thing that was constant was the deep belief that the ‘supporting partner’ had for their auditioning boo. After seeing this a few times, I began mulling over this question: ‘To what extent would you support your partner’s dream?’

Everyone has a dream – some pursue this dream and make it a reality, some spend their lives on the continual pursuit of this dream and some are too scared to seriously pursue their dreams because of the fear of failure. It’s only natural that you become knowledgeable and supportive of your partner’s dream if you are married or in a serious relationship.

I’ve always thought that being in a serious relationship or being married essentially means you accept that your partner’s happiness is very high on your priority list. So this includes doing your best to ensure that they are happy and fulfilled mentally, physically, spiritually etc. Encouraging them and being supportive of their dream(s) is something that requires a lot of energy, but is essential for a happy relationship. The question though is ‘to what extent?’

I remember being at a show for upcoming acts a few years ago, and this man in his 30s got on stage to rap. He started by giving a shout out to his girlfriend of 4 years for her love and support and proceeded to tell us a bit about himself. He was a teacher but was passionate about rapping, and had a dream to one day make it big as a recording artist. Halfway through his performance, over half of the audience had lost interest… his performance was average to be honest. What caught my eye is his girlfriend, she was right in front of the stage rapping along to every single word, and she looked at him with so much belief that I was very moved. I left the event thinking that although I wasn’t a prophet, I knew that the odds of him becoming a big recording artist were quite slim, but the support his partner had for his dream was incredible.

After seeing the couples at the X-Factor auditions, I began questioning if I realistically had it in me to be that supportive. What about situations where a partner’s dream seems almost unattainable in your eyes… are you supposed to continue to support 110% or are you supposed to be honest and tell your partner that you don’t think they can achieve that dream and risk crushing their spirit?

Let me leave you with this scenario – You’ve been married for about 3 years and things are going really well. Your husband/wife has this dream project that they would like use some of the family’s savings to fund – not all of it, say about 40%. Remember this is money that you have both saved, you are not totally convinced that the project will be successful, but your partner is extremely passionate about it … what do you do?

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ToolzO is an award-winning on-air personality who currently presents ‘The Midday Show with Toolz’ on the Beat 99.9FM, the Juice for Ndani TV and X-Factor West Africa. You can find out more about Toolz by visiting www.ToolzO.net

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  • 27 Comments on “Toolz’ Thoughts: Till Lack of Talent Do Us Part”

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    • Toolz brought out some valid points here mehn! waiting for the comments

    • cathy June 17, 2013 at 11:56 AM

      If he is passionate and would pursue without relenting and there is absolutely no doubt coming from him whatsoever, i will give him my full support not minding if it’s going to take 60% of our savings. life is all about risk, it’s better to take and fail than not to take at all.

    • Dearie June 17, 2013 at 11:59 AM

      Well done Toolz!

      I’m a very realistic person and I’m glad I have a hubby who knows and understands that part of me. I will gladly tell him what I honestly feel but in a very tactful and detailed manner. Oftentimes, I’ve learnt to use the sandwich principle; first a compliment, then my critique, then a compliment. I sincerely understand it can be quite difficult if the person involved is a loved one.
      As regards the scenario, I’ll definitely voice out my concern but I’ll allow him go ahead. There are no guarantees in life – he might succeed on the project. In fact, I’ll pray he succeeds. But if at the end of the day he doesn’t, well, we still have each other and I’ll pray for strength to weather that sort of storm but trust me, it won’t repeat itself.

      Once again, well done Toolz!

    • Rukky June 17, 2013 at 12:23 PM

      If his dreams are big enough and we’ve spoken to the right people and done our research then yeah, he can use that 40 percent insofar as we still have just enough savings for a rainy day. The only limitation in life is that of the mind, otherwise, nothing can stop him from pursuing and accomplishing what he wants. If I need to, I’ll even resign and get a business on the side that allows me enough time to dedicate my energy and time to working on his project because his success is mine and vice versa. Oh, but the legal papers will have both our names as co-owners sha, even if it’s not 50-50. This is because we’re one and must share everything, except for his spot car and video games lol

    • .....just saying June 17, 2013 at 12:44 PM

      I totally agree with Cathy. If he’s passionate about it and has a plan why not. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
      In other news….. Toolz, I think you’re a good presenter, but you need to add some punch in the form of passion and emotion to your role on X factor. You do come across as quite aloof with the contestants.

    • OK June 17, 2013 at 12:59 PM

      My people say “na your true friend go tell you for inside house say your mouth dey smell so that you no go go embarrass yourself for outside”….some people got it, some don’t, and you’d be doing a disservice to your partner if you are not truly honest with them in regards to their talents (or lack thereof). Some people get so blind in trying to fit square pegs in round holes just because of fame/money and they end up missing out on their true calling…ain’t nothing wrong in telling your partner “look babes, e be like say this thing no dey work, so make we try this other one”…will they listen? Maybe, maybe not, but at least you would have done your part by upholding one of the tenets of true love/friendship: honesty

    • LILLY June 17, 2013 at 1:00 PM

      I remember when hubby told me he wanted to resign from his Bank Job and go into farming. The only question i asked him was do u believe u will succeed?. He said yes and i said ok, then you need to resign coz if we are going to feed the nation, we need to start immediately. Of course it wasn’t easy at the beginning but it was the best decision we made. The success of my husband is my fragrance.

      • Partyrider June 17, 2013 at 1:49 PM

        Awww…bless you both :)

      • Mz Socially Awkward... June 17, 2013 at 1:56 PM

        Maybe that’s just what’s needed – the knowledge that you who is doing the venturing out has the unwavering support of your other half and it gives you the added resolve to succeed in that particular venture.

        I was going to respond with a resounding “No” to Mz Toolz’ question (I’m very averse to risks) but your comment just gave me something to ponder on.

    • Cat on a hot tin roof June 17, 2013 at 1:54 PM

      It all depends on why I am not convinced that he’ll suceed. Some things are ‘cut and dried’… For instance, as much as I love my husband, he is never going to be a Jay-Z… His rapping is t.e.r.r.i.b.l.e! So if he came to me telling me about wanting to be a rapper, I would tell him the truth and no way Jose is he spending a dime of our savings on trying. If on the other hand, he is interested in something where it is possible to be a work in progress, where he can learn as he goes along then yes, by all means… and I’ll be there to support him with research, give him some time to focus etc.

    • tolz June 17, 2013 at 2:29 PM

      Tho there re times hubby& i av different opinions on some issues,we always swing one person’s way @ the end! so if he’s optimistic,i’ll go all the way with him

    • Ajoke June 17, 2013 at 2:47 PM

      Let’s be real, some ideas are not viable no matter how “passionate” someone is about their goal or dream. If I don’t believe in the dream, I won’t allow my partner to use the funds. If it’s OUR money, we must both agree with what to do with it. I think it’s important to support your partner and your loved ones in general (friends, family) but loving people also requires us to be the voice of reason sometimes. God forbid that because I love my spouse I will allow their stupid idea to drag us both down, no ma’am.

      I’ve actually seen this happen before and it’s not good. It affects a lot more people as well (extended family, kids). The best you can do is offer to support your partner in ways that don’t involve putting your family savings at risk.

    • Life is a tree June 17, 2013 at 3:12 PM

      @Lilly- I love your last sentence- “The success of my husband is my fragrance” nice one sis.

    • iyke June 17, 2013 at 4:24 PM

      One of the key problems with Nigerians in Nigeria is FEAR.

      Nigerians are too fearful to try out something due to what people might say. That is why it is almost impossible for any Nigerian to be proud to tell his/her real age….Because he/she is so self conscious and feels that he needs to accomplish a certain standard that is in line with his/her age. And when such has not yet been accomplished, resort to lying (comfort zone) to hide his/her inadequacies, which may not even be due any fault of his.

      Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. The moment you conquer your fear and make up your mind to walk boldly through them, your obstacles will melt away right in front of you. FEAR is a choice and so far, it has been winning over my people. Don’t be that man that looks back with regrets, 20 years from now and wished he ever tried something he has always wanted to do.

      If you have passion for something, all you need is the WILL, COURAGE and perseverance to excel. The support you get from your partner is the fuel you need to push forward. Whether you fail or not is not the issue ….the fact that you are willing to try is what is important.And an honest partner will be their to support you even when it’s obvious that you stand no chance, initially.

      However,I must add that where the dream is unattainable due to lack of requisite skills and delusion, of course, it causes no harm to be realistic, re-evaluate and maybe change course.

      NEVER QUIT OR GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM.NEVER!It’s always YOU v YOU not THEM.

    • Myne Whitman June 17, 2013 at 5:21 PM

      I will support my partner as long as the idea has been well researched. Fear and doubt are enemies of progress. I try to leave them out of my thoughts.

    • Rukky June 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM

      I feel like it takes more than just passion to make something work and work well at that.
      It takes awareness and good networking and a good team and a good plan, to name a few.
      If passion is the only thing you’re offering and have not done anything beyond that to draw up a plan of how to possibly accomplish your ‘passion’, what foreseeable hurdles are involved–basically, if you haven’t done your homework…40 percent of our net-worth is a lot…and some of us want a huge family and still be able to give each and every of my 5 children a good education and so we have to be logical about the choices we make, when we make them and how we make them.
      It is a whole different ball game when it’s not just your neck on the guillotine as the case may be when you’re single. You can’t just say YOU want to dive into the deep and think that that decision will not affect the rest of your family and the relationship you have with your partner.
      Confusing risk management with a lack of support is just plain irresponsible and unfair to your partner. However, I’m not saying don’t go for your dreams however crazy the idea might seem–I mean the entire concept of putting people in a piece of metal that floats in the air is kind of ridiculous (I’m talking about a plane lol) but what will put me at peace is if your passion comes with a manual. Then by all means, jump into the deep blue sea and we shall, with heads held up high and our hopes binding us together, hold our breaths and take that dive.

      • jane June 18, 2013 at 6:00 PM

        God bless you my sister..passion cannot equate to action and successful results…one must have a good plan in hand..if not nobody is spending my hard earned money on nonsense pipe dreams, I love you but NUUUHUN

        • Rukky June 19, 2013 at 3:15 AM

          Lol, oh and Amen, God bless you too dear

    • Rukky June 17, 2013 at 5:34 PM

      hurdle rates*

    • Joey Akan June 17, 2013 at 5:51 PM

      Away from the love, passion and care. Away from that basic feeling that demands that you make your partner happy. If my partner isn’t cut out of material for their dream, then blow me, because I won’t give a yes. But in some cases, passion and hardwork trumps talent or skill and if that is present in abundance, then let’s roll. Far be it from me to be the root of your regrets. Thanks Toolz.

    • sue June 18, 2013 at 12:26 AM

      Well done tools!

    • Segun June 18, 2013 at 1:12 AM

      Toolz, thanks for nicely conveying your thoughts. I’m a firm believer in couples supporting each others dream. Think about it this way – if I can’t get my wife to buy into my dreams, how do I convince other folks who know nothing about me? The support system is essential to any meaningful accomplishment.

      However, I do believe that dreams and goals should be SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. I wrote a post on my blog’s inspirational section about setting SMART goals. If the dreams/goals meet these criteria, I’m all in!

      Per the 40% scenario, I believe life is about taking risks and everyday is an adventure. Since we have no way of accurately predicting what tomorrow holds, we just have to take our chances as long as goals align with our core principles.

      Thanks again Toolz for share your off-stage experiences. It’s a testament to d existence of unwavering love and support!

    • Bella Noire June 18, 2013 at 3:56 AM

      I think what Toolz is asking here is, what if he has no talent for the said ‘thing’. Music is not the only occupation that requires talent. I dare say many jobs require talent to be great at them. What if your partner wanted to go for a music talent show, but can’t sing. Would you support him/her or would you burst their bubble? I think this is the question Toolz is asking.

    • I.C.O June 18, 2013 at 11:04 AM

      I would support him as I expect him to do the same if I were the one who needed his support.

    • RIO June 18, 2013 at 12:38 PM

      @ Iyke 80,

      I agree in your assertion that We Nigerians have become a society by in large, part motivated by the shallow trivial matters of life. The fancy car, the big house, the the regular trips abroad,the premium phones,weaves et al.
      No doubt,when you are motivated by things that lack substance and depth, you lack any chance of subsequent success which is derived from passion with extra ordinary courage and will.
      Having said that,our society in someway, has a role to play in killing our dreams.Unfortunately, Nigeria is not country that watches your back or encourages you to be the best that you can be.
      As a young man, growing up in my state, I was greatly influenced by the action movies that I watched.I knew right from time that I had always wanted to be an intelligence officer with any arms of the military. It was my passion….I worked towards it despite the little within my disposal. After my O’Levels, twice I wrote and passed the entrance exam to attend the Nigeria Defence Academy, and twice, I was rejected due to the stupid quota system in Nigeria.The third year, I also wrote and passed the entrance exam to join the NIA in Abj, and I was also rejected due to quota system.Some stupid politician has actually usurped the openings meant for my state for his own cronies. I lost three years of my young life chasing a dream that I was so passionate about. Out of frustration, I sat for jamb and went to study a related course in one of our universities …..For a 4 year course, I ended up spending close to 6 yrs due to the industrial disputes and ASUU strikes et al.
      I never lost hope despite the time that I had wasted.
      After graduation, to get a job was another wahala. For close to 3 yrs, I never had any meaningful job ….just hustling in Lagos until I left Nigeria. In all of these setbacks, I never lost my focus and dreams.
      Here in Canada, I settled in and reignited my passion.I fell in love with this country because not only is it a safe place to live, it’s a country that actually watches and encourages you to be the best if you are willing to try. I applied for a grant, got admission into the Royal Navy and today, I am an accomplished Naval intelligence officer, irrespective of the years I wasted in Motherland.

      Point of my story???There are thousands of people who have worse case scenario than mine but you know what….. NEVER EVER QUIT ON YOUR DREAM AND PASSION.

      Man who says it cannot be done, must not laugh or interrupt man who is doing it….And YES, if it is to be, then it’s up to you. NO excuses! Develop the mindset of a champion, for to be a champion in the game of life, (Support/No support from partner) you need to constantly improve in every area of your life, for you are only as strong as your greatest weakness….And the only reason why your partner would walk with you all the way is because he/she has seen the potentials in you, that others never saw…stupid or illogical as it may be.

    • Pamper Me June 18, 2013 at 1:11 PM

      Nice one Toolz. If my partner had this dream project hez really passionate about evn though realistically I feel it is not achieveable..It would crush his ego if I tell him (tactically or not, lovingly or not)that I dont believe in that dream of his. It will make him loose his self confidence. There is the possibility of him not telling about such things again next time for fear of it seeming unrelaistic to me again. So ‘MY TAKE’ is that wether the dream/project seems realistic or not, I have to support him, encourage him and possibly contribute my intellectual quota to the dream project, if it fails, He would have learnt his lesson without me saying a word, if it succeeds, well, I have nothing to loose.

    • Tyslane June 18, 2013 at 6:23 PM

      I believe life it self is a. Risk and what ever we do either ou believe it or not there is some atom of risk involve, So if my partner “NOT MARRIED THOUGH” is involved in any project that she belive is her dream and she want to pursue it I will definitely give in 150% support but then I will advice her to take a professional training on the field of her project as a saying tha “TALENT IS NOT ENOUGH”.