It happened at precisely 3:40am on Thursday morning. For weeks I hadn’t managed to write anything I was remotely interested in, yet alone something I would publish online for my dear Bellanaija.com readers. Insomnia ravaged the inner corners of my mind and the worry of missing all my pending deadlines rose like bile to my throat. Then like magic, it happened. It was as if the writing gods had decided to give me another chance to redeem myself, another chance to prove that I merit the title “writer”.
As all writing induced light bulb moments go, they usually happen when you least expect it. So there I was chatting with my friend Chuka in the early hours of the morning about his love life. An intelligent, handsome, polite, well spoken and financially capable guy who has chosen to banish himself into the land of ‘single men’. It sometimes surprises me how many available, sane men, like Chuka exist in Lagos, yet many single women, keep going through the revolving door of clown like time-wasters who have very little to offer by way of a meaningful progressive relationship. So, as I chatted away with Chuka, I was eager to unearth the reason behind his reluctance to enter into a meaningful relationship, seeing as he possessed many qualities any woman would appreciate.
The reason was a simple one. He wants to attain a certain level of wealth before he settles into any long term relationship. According to him, this is the time for him to buckle down and hustle, so that he can be financially capable of taking care of any woman and family he has down the line. I have met many guys who think this way. To them, they see little need in being in a serious relationship now, when they could be earning loads of cash. Even guys, who are in relationships, spend ages waiting to make astronomical millions before they propose. As I pointed out to Chuka and other guys I have discussed this with, this argument is flawed in many ways.
Surely, there is little to gain in earning every naira under the sun and have no one to share it with. As a guy, how can you tell when you’ve made all the millions possible that the woman sitting beside you, loves you for you and not the money in your account? Is it really worth it to waste your youth searching for money, that may never satisfy, when you could have spent wonderful moments with a true companion? And on those nights when you feel like you can’t go on, when you need a shoulder to cry on, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had the woman of your dreams lying next to you urging you to carry on? Plus if house helps and drivers, can on their meager salaries manage to maintain relationships and families, then surely a man in his early thirties who has been working for a fair few years, shouldn’t find this too daunting.
I know many men reading this may think I have no clue. Like Chuka said, I don’t understand the kind of pressure men of our generation are under to succeed. And this pressure not only comes from society but from us women too. We want our men to be providers and we are very vocal about it, so every man is busy trying to be just that. That maybe true, but most women I know also want to grow with their men. They want to nurture him, contribute where possible and inspire him towards something greater. No self-respecting woman wants to be just a taker, after all why have women been fighting for decades, for the right to work and earn equal pay, if they don’t intend to contribute towards the running of a home. For the right man, any woman will swim any financial length to support him. Yes, being financially capable is very important to us, but we also want our men to posses other worthwhile qualities that are of equal and possibly of more importance.
So to all my strong hustling single brothers out there, next time the weight of your wallet makes you think twice about talking to the woman of your dreams, remember that the true weight of a man lies in his integrity and overall sense of worth, and any woman worth a dime should know that. Abi, my ladies I dey lie?
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