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Sent From My BlackBerry: Just Say Amen!

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Someone woke me up with a Happy New Month broadcast. This was just after I was drifting off to happy slumber @ 2am from news of the latest addition to my family (Yes, I’m an uncle again! Yay me). While I’ve made my peace with said broadcasts (seeing as a prayer really shouldn’t be seen as annoying), it made me reconsider what I had prepared for this month’s Sent From My BlackBerry

*clears throat*

All the prayer points may not apply to everyone, which ever is your ‘portion’ there, just ‘claim it’ in the name of whoever you serve (or don’t serve). Just say Amen.

Here goes:

 

    1. May your enemies suddenly develop a penchant for playing with live wire
  • I am here to tell you this morning, that not only will you wear the Jeans, but you will also drive the car.

  • May your vehicle not carry you to accident-porn areas
  • Ah noo nooo, may your (last-kobo) BlackBerry Torch/Bold Touch/StruggleBerry/Scroll-wheel-BB not become a bottle of Aba-perfume overnight.
  • May you and yours, never have need to call Daddy Bliss
  • When all the Hot Girls in Lagos are going to a particular church, you will carry last. In fact, your legs won’t carry you there
  • *ominous pause* Please close your eyes and read this carefully… There is somebody here, the enemies have been doing you ‘yinmu-yinmu’ behind your back, The almighty has told me to tell you that, Ndi ocha will come and celebrate with you when you’re warming your house by the water in Lekki.
  • Your enemies will not use your destiny to fly kite
  • The enemies will not Mach on your flauwar this month
  • *ominous pause* It has come to my notice that some people have refused to close their eyes to read while this prayer is going on. I want to tell you this morning, God knows your IP address. It is my prayer for these ones, that your children will not end up in Olodo Community Grammar school
  • May they not have Superman flying all over their Batman bags.
  • May your children not have reason to end up in such a hostel 
  • Your children will not learn Fockanaizer/Vulganizer/Voganizer trade in your life time (and after it)
  • May you not put Steak in the oven and have it come out like this

 

 

Amen! Oya say Amen again! Ameeen!!!

 

Now that we’re done with the prayers, use this to bath — twice everyday for the rest of this month.

MUSIC FOR THE MONTH: Jay-Z & Kanye West Feat Chris Brown & Ludacris – Watch The Bed

78 Comments

  1. Deola

    September 1, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    LMFAOOOOO!!!!!
    Jibola you are MAD!!!

    • Answer

      September 1, 2011 at 9:16 pm

      LoOlolOoL

    • Kofoworola

      February 24, 2013 at 3:34 am

      Prophet Jibola is preparing the way for Our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!
      Jesus is Resurrecting this here 2011 Prophecy for 2013 GBAM BOOOOM !!!!!
      Enemies Scaattttterrr !

  2. oluwadee

    September 1, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    jibolaL IS SICK! SICK IN A GOOD KINDA WAY!!!!! I LOVE THIS POST AND YEAH I SAID AMEN!

  3. Pizzazz

    September 1, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    ROTFL!!! Beautiful way to start the month!

  4. yeye

    September 1, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Very funny post!!! Can stil remember the day dey came to share the pamplets for the church in my school,I couldn’t believe my eyes, I even took a pic of it too.

  5. AA

    September 1, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Amen and Amen. i laughed so hard, tears welled up in ma eyes. Blackberry perfume o_O

  6. Alero

    September 1, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    LMAO.Thoroughly hilarious!

  7. Mosunmola

    September 1, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    *dead*

  8. Jess

    September 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    *wipes tears* LMAO, Jibola I miss your blog!! #famz. Anyway I say a big Amen to my children not going to “Olodo community grammar school” lest they end up unable to spell flower X_X

  9. Lola

    September 1, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Jibola I so love you. Thanks for putting a veryyyy biggg smile on my face.

  10. Onyx

    September 1, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    AMEN!!! Dead @ “accident-porn” and “Dr Fireman’s church”. And, dang, that Blackberry eau de parfum… no words.

  11. lucy

    September 1, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    haa………..dis funny…………

  12. speaking of which

    September 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    LMAO, LRMOF oooooooooooooooooooooo…. Jibola Has killed me with prayers oooooo.
    Thumbs up Bro… Just what i need on a hectic first day of the Month.

  13. nana-hauwa

    September 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    LMAO, too funny.
    thanks

  14. Africhic

    September 1, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    LWKMQ

  15. tbn

    September 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Laff wan kill me die!!!! esp the one for rising cock hostel and “stop maching on flauwer” rotfl

  16. Nma

    September 1, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    very funny…

  17. MzLucy M

    September 1, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    lmaoooooo dis is my 1st time commenting here, i just had too…hahaha i love this, ooo nd yh i said AMEN….

  18. T T

    September 1, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Hei!!!! laff wan kill mi die o!!! lol!!!

  19. diamond

    September 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    LOOOOL!!!!!!! I cant just stop laughing. more of thses to ease the tension one has to face in toiling for food. Correct post o jare!

  20. annie

    September 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    hmmmmmmmmmm

  21. koyn

    September 1, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    this is funny. laughs for days

  22. http://diaryofsnw.blogspot.com/

    September 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Too funny

  23. afolabi olabisi

    September 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    help me cant stop lol.it crazy o.tnk u 4 dis 4 a start of a new month.luv it nd it too funny keep it well.

  24. El Bee

    September 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    LMBOOOOOOO!! The “Superman flying all over their Batman bags” did it for me! lol

  25. Spicytee

    September 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Oh my goodness
    This made me laughed teary eyed….
    So nice.. Amen… Amen oooooooo

  26. Demmy

    September 1, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Some of it is funny and some is just plain nonsense to me!

    • annie

      September 1, 2011 at 3:44 pm

      those were the exact words that refused to form in my head, hence my earlier comment (which didn’t actually contain words).

  27. Odior

    September 1, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    CHEI……..WIPIMG TEARS OUT OF MY EYES…..Pple don mad finish

  28. http://mynaijalifestyle.blogspot.com

    September 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    LWKMFH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNY CRAZY STUFF!

  29. Gidi'More Girl

    September 1, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    O my goodness! Jibola, I’m here laughing hard and my Oyinbo co-workers are wondering what is funny about what I’m reading! LMHO @ Rising Cock Hostel. Amen o, my children will never end up there. And zsuperman flying on a Batman Bag, kai! Good laugh for a crazy Thursday morning.

    http://gidimoregirl.blogspot.com

  30. adeola

    September 1, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    cant stop laughing and rolling……nice one

  31. Tiki

    September 1, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    I laughed so hard, I just snorted pepper up my nose…and it hurts! :'(
    Thanx Jibola…

  32. missp

    September 1, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    jibola o serious o lmao,that daddy bliss banner is all over port harcourt

  33. Yetty

    September 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Had a really good laugh. Thanks Jibola for making my day!

  34. anonymous

    September 1, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    …..hmmmmm…accident porn areas………..hilarious post.

  35. Enwongo cleopas

    September 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    RISING COCK HOSTEL FOR REAL? That was crazy funny. And about that having babies in ninety days…hmmmmm. I no fit comment o.lmao. This is a good one for september.

  36. Natoday?

    September 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Jibolaaaaaaaaaa! u won’t kill me. kai, but pple wicked o. COCK RISING ke?

  37. @Legatus_teejay

    September 1, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    lmao jibola is a case i swear

  38. mary007

    September 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    You just simply get better

  39. cathy

    September 1, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    na real wa abeg. LWKMD!

  40. Aibee

    September 1, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Amen,Amen,Amen in Jesus name. Fireeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Jibola ohhhh. LWKMD. In fact Laff don tear my belle.Imagine having children from Daddy Bliss only to have them go to Olodo Community Grammar School and not being able to spell ‘flauwar’. I don laff soteyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Woo Jibola, awon enemies ma gan pa ni!

  41. lol

    September 1, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Do you realise some of us are at work reading this thing, come and see tears rolling down my eyes, may your children not be vulganiser, wo dont injure me, oyinbo man will soon think I dey funny for head

  42. lepatohbad

    September 1, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    lmaooo amen ooo

  43. lol

    September 1, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Amen forgot to add that at the end lol

  44. jmayaki

    September 1, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    every body in my office is now contemplating if im running mad as i v bin laughing hysterically ooooooooooooo. the “stop evil ” soap was the the heights. i still cant stop laughin. jIBOLA U R GUDDDD!!!!!!!!!

  45. Jade

    September 1, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    No wah oh, Jibolaaa, i don die… cant dtop laughing Abeg oh, go easy on apoor soul. and ofcourse AMEN and AMEN again.

  46. Jade

    September 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    LWKMD!!!! i cant say a thing more.

  47. lamidejitog

    September 1, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    lwkmfh jeez….made my morning..tnks…. looooool @ d blackberry perfume

  48. pynk

    September 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    ROTFLMAO!

  49. posh

    September 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Good one!

  50. oluwatosin

    September 1, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    This Jibola L is literaly a funny guy!love his articles n pls wats ur twitter handle?thumbs up!

    • annie

      September 1, 2011 at 5:27 pm

      @JibolaL U’r welcome 🙂

  51. Bela Negra

    September 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Hey! I have died! I have Died. LWKMD.OMG. Abeg Oh! this one is too much! Your a very funny guyt i’ll give you that.

  52. awizii

    September 1, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Apayan…looool

  53. 9jamom

    September 1, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Is that a real church? Can’t be oh… na wa for ppl… Love dis

    http://www.9jamom.com

  54. fashionconscious

    September 1, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Jibs, i have settled with you, this is so hilarious ! really and very creative too, well done dear!——

  55. pendo

    September 1, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    *DEAD* AND *BURIED* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

  56. Angela

    September 1, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Jibola your articles are just the best……….. I could not stop laughing. Good one ..

  57. ary

    September 1, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    LMAO @ the accident porn area! http://www.karimalo.com

  58. iTawa

    September 1, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    LWKM4H…literally laughing out loud @ work!

  59. Candor

    September 1, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    Very good and funny way to start the month.

  60. odunayo

    September 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    this is creative, where do u get those picx from?

  61. wisper

    September 2, 2011 at 1:47 am

    How can u read this at night without waking up d baby??? Jibola better come n rock him back 2 sleep o

  62. Joy

    September 2, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Omg, this is too funny. I can’t stop laughing.

  63. Joy

    September 2, 2011 at 6:34 am

    The little boys are too adorable. The way he raised is hands is classic!!!!

  64. kelly

    September 2, 2011 at 9:08 am

    I just want to use this opportunity to tell Jibola thank you. I nearly disgraced myself in this office with the way I was laughing. Now awon oyibo think the quiet black girl is crazy…I don’t care mehn. this is hilarious….

    You na no go kill person

    Sha thank you…hahahahahahaha

  65. emjay

    September 2, 2011 at 9:36 am

    pursue ur God-given talent now,JIBOLA!

  66. AlittleHumor

    September 2, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Ha! Nigerians!! fear God nah!! hahahahahahaha hilarious shit!

  67. kiki

    September 2, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Chei!!! You will not kill me ehn.
    LMAO!!! (in the office for that matter)
    Thanks Man,needed this.
    Lets make history again.
    Vote Sophie Gemal for Miss Universe 2011.
    http://missuniverse.com/members/profile/599553/year:2011

  68. Lola

    September 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

    laff wan kill me die!!!!!!!!!

  69. Lue

    September 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    lwkm…………………..very funny

  70. Yvonee

    September 2, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    bwahhahaha ROFLMAO Gosh LWKMD… I just read this in class and am sitting here cracking up #wipestears AMEN AMEN AMEN LMAO

  71. amaqqs

    September 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Jibola are u in any way related to Segun that used to write for True Love….. U guys just crack me up!!!

  72. aigee

    September 6, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL! the people at work are looking at me like i’m crazy but they do not understand! haha you just made my day with this prayers.

  73. cee

    September 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

    going laugh, going laugh, gone!

  74. Temi

    September 16, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Amen! Lol!

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