Two. Hundred. And. Thirty. Seven weeks since I looked into those big eyes that give me hope.
From the first time I heard the innocent giggle that always illuminated me from inside,I’ve never quite understood why she flared up so easily. Why would a face so beautiful suddenly decide to be filled with anger and rage at every slight provocation?!
I love her! Surely, she knows this. I love her! Maybe a little too much, because that’s why I’m here.
I’ve always known her feelings were not as intense as mine but it has never bothered me. The first day I beheld that smile, I knew that I would spend my entire life loving and protecting her. It was Christmas eve…
… and walking my clumsy self to my car after my last minute Christmas shopping, my eyes caught some delicious eye candy. I would have loved to stare longer but I managed to drop all my bags and my petite self. How embarrassing! I could have sworn he saw me fall and I was expecting him to come to my rescue but I was left to pick myself up. I remember directing all the curses in my head at the man that saw me fall and couldn’t help me up. I was still grimacing when I realized my car keys were no longer in my purse. DarnIt! I turned to start looking for the darned keys and there he was playing catch with them.
I remember the first words I heard him say… “Smile more!”
He had my entire being that instant. I wanted to have his babies immediately. I wanted his shoulders to be the ones I’d cry on. I wanted to be his everything and him my everything. I wanted him to protect me, within the boundaries of the law of course.
I test him! Surely, he knows this.
I test him! Maybe a little too much. That’s why I’m here in the first place instead of resting in the spirit realm.
He should have known I wasn’t being serious. He should have known that I wouldn’t do that to him. It’s just that I had the strongest urge to tell him the truth and I didn’t want to. It would kill him. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have told him that…
… “I’m getting married.”
Those words still ring loudly in my head. You know I guessed all along. Why else would she reduce visiting me to only our anniversary, December 25? I’m sure she started seeing someone… someone who probably didn’t know I existed. Someone who probably questions her every move.
I still had no right to yell at her. For one thing she was still mad at me for earning a sentence.
I remember that incidence like it was just yesterday.
Her boss had been harassing her subtly and she had complained to me a few times. She stopped me from going to have a talk with him the first time but when she came home one day shaken, with the light drawn out of her eyes, I knew I HAD to have more than a talk with the dog. I knew where he lived, we had gone over once for dinner and I never forgot the address.
I was enraged. I couldn’t imagine another person touching her. My head, if it was thinking straight, should have told my hands to only threaten the man. Things just got out of hand, I took the cord and…
… Strangled my boss. He killed a man! I didn’t want that! I just wanted him to touch me the way he used to. I had missed his touch and thought if I came home looking beat, he would give me what I wanted.
He ran out of the house in a flash. Everything happened so fast. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t stop him from being sentenced for 15 years.
For 237 weeks, my wandering spirit has watched him sit in the corner of his cell and stare. I know he thinks about me… us. I’m all he has… his family… his everything. I’m a selfish person, agreed but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was a walking corpse. I didn’t want to take away the one thing that gave him hope. He asked no questions when I stopped visiting monthly. He didn’t complain when I visited twice in the year. Seeing me at Christmas for our anniversary was just enough for him. I gave no excuses. I couldn’t tell him that every other day of the year; I was bound to a hospital bed.
I wasn’t satisfied with his silence. I wanted him to probe… so 237 weeks ago, I lied that I was getting married. He flipped out on me and I got very angry. I walked out. He didn’t stop me. Had he known what was coming for me, he would’ve grabbed my hands and pulled me back. I realize that I don’t deserve him but I have him and I don’t…
… want any other and so I shall fight to survive these next five years.
I will find her when I get out and make her realize she can’t stay married to another guy.
I will apologize for yelling at her and causing her to walk out on me.
I will ask her why she didn’t visit me for 237 weeks.
No. I won’t have to wait that long to see her.
She will forgive me in a few weeks … and for our anniversary, this Christmas, I’m sure I will not be alone.
My spirit craves a final resting place but not with him living in this cell.
He should know the truth soon and this Christmas, he will.
He will when he leaves this lonely world and joins me to rest in the world beyond.
This year, on our anniversary, I know will will be together again
Photo Credit: davidsanger.com
July is a special month for us at BellaNaija. This year, as we celebrate our 6th anniversary, we hope to bring something special to our dear readers. Today’s BN Prose is the second of five anniversary themed stories you would read this month.If you missed last week’s story, please click here. We look forward to sharing more interesting features with you.