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BN Hot Topic: “No Sex Outside of Marriage” Is This a Question of Law, Religion, Culture or Morality?




I loved my Jurisprudence classes in University very much. It’s the one reason why I’d study law again if I come back to this side of the divide. I was super excited when we did “Law & Morals”. We discussed the issue of the criminalization of murder. Why was killing another person a crime? Was it because it was wrong? If  it’s wrong, who determines what’s right and what’s wrong. (Please note, we were not justifying murder! We were having a discourse in class about law and morals!). Sometimes, I wish I was a lawmaker too… imagine what I’d do with my powers; all my pet peeves would be criminalized. Peeing on the streets, tossing Gala wraps out of the window of your moving car, even foolishness would be a crime if it were up to me! We talked about prostitution and whether it should be criminalized as it bordered more on morality when we explored the topic further. The issue of bigamy as a crime was raised; some people argued that it wasn’t the business of the State what a man did within the privacy of his bedroom but whether we like it or not, morality has somehow found its way into our laws.

Last week, I was having a very animated discussion with TJ about his article on whose responsibility it is to get contraceptives and he said “Atoke, your readers are quite self-righteous! Do you mean nobody is having sex outside of marriage?” As a Voltron, I was offended by the wide sweeping generalization but it actually got me thinking about the issue “Sex OUTSIDE of matrimony.” So why exactly is the issue of sex outside marriage an issue? Please don’t get angry yet and jump to the comments section… hear me out.

  1. Is it a religious requirement?  If it is, is there a presumption that everybody shares the same religious beliefs? If my religion is silent on the issue of sex outside of marriage, why should I be judged by your religion? Why should I be castigated for not living by the instructions of your religion?
  2. Is it a legal requirement?  Is there a law one is breaking if one is having sex outside marriage? Is adultery or fornication a crime?  
  3. Is it a cultural requirement? Does our culture prohibit sex outside of marriage? 
  4. Is it simply morally wrong? Bearing in mind that morality is highly subjective, we know that what is moral to John may be simply appalling to George!

I put this up as my personal message on my Blackberry Messenger: ‘Is No Sex Outside of Marriage’ a religious requirement or a cultural one? Please share your well thought out thoughts. The responses I got were mostly in favour of religion.  My friend, MiMi, said “Both, but more religious because some cultures allow you have babies outside of marriage! In fact, some cultures wont allow you marry if you’re not pregnant” So I asked if I was required to be held by the same standards if I wasn’t bound by the requirements of that religion. To that she replied “Oh well, I guess, to each his own“. My friend, Funke, said, “The Bible says it’s wrong” So I retorted cheekily “So do you abide by the laws/requirements of the Bible sensu stricto”. Unfortunately, I asked my silly friend, Anne and her response was “It’s an insane one” and she went further to buttress her point concluding with “Getting married in a church doesn’t automatically make you a christian. Neither does getting married in a registry make you a law maker. Why pick and choose the laws you want to obey?People just talk from a sanctimonious point of view oh jere! 

I guess these things get to me because of the things I see in my line of work. I find that a lot of people take the moral high ground on a lot of issues without having properly thought them through. I’m afraid that the more I think about issues and I rationalize them, I’d become less sociable because I’d end up not really having an opinion about a lot of things.

What do you guys think? Is sex outside of marriage wrong because it’s morally wrong? Is it wrong because your Holy Book says it’s wrong? Is it wrong because our fore fathers have said it is wrong? Or is it just a crime to be going at it without a certificate legalizing it?

Let’s discuss!

 Photo credit: google images


You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Kemi

    September 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Its more to do with “religion” in my opinion… Especially in a time like this where some people are actually ashamed to say they are virgins..

  2. fokasibe

    September 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

    morality for me…

    • Kokoro Dudu

      January 29, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Who defines morality?

  3. Nnenna

    September 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I know I can’t marry someone that I’m not certain can satisfy me in the bedroom! Sex is a VERY IMPORTANT part of marriage. It can truly destroy a marriage! I plan on being married once and forever so I am team sex before marriage!

    • brownie

      September 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

      Sex is an important part of marriage but it is not the solution to a successful marriage! If everyone decided that they wanted to test every prerequisite before marriage, people would probably never get married since no one person can tick the box on every level.

      You can have all the sex in the world but without love, respect, communication and many other attributes, any marriage can still fail.

    • Ure

      September 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      well said Brownie!

    • pearls

      February 2, 2013 at 11:00 pm

      My thoughts exactly.

    • GeeCee

      March 31, 2013 at 2:03 am

      Well said brownie, well said. Moreover, there is almost always a way/ possibility/ solution to virtually every challenge! Sex should come in marriage not actually outside of it.

    • Noms

      October 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      I’m wondering how many guys you will have to sleep with to know the one that actually satisfies you. Sex is very important in marriage but it is not the only thing that makes a gud marriage,if it were,all the sex workers would be happily married.

  4. olah

    September 20, 2012 at 10:45 am

    I think we should ask, what is sex meant for? we can answer by looking at the genesis/origin of sex? why is marriage a prerequisite?

  5. Debby

    September 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Of course sex outside marriage is bad,d bible is aganist it.I believe its more of a personal thing cos nt everybdy really sticks to what their religion says

  6. k.jay

    September 20, 2012 at 10:47 am

    it is morally wrong based on the Bible. But if we are dealing with society filled with people with various beliefs and ideologies, then we can’t force it down their throat. I stand by it, i believe it. I know a lot of people who advise that it’s best gift to give your spouse. But I also know how increasingly difficult it is in our day to stay sexually pure. But it’s possible. I’m in my mid-twenties and I’m still chilling till wedding.

    • me

      September 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

      thank you, as 4 me I don’t care what is in vogue. i will wait till marriage

  7. isoken

    September 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

    To each its own. The bible says its wrong, but that doesn’t stop some christians from fornicating. At the same time it doesn’t mean because you kept yourself until marriage, that you are better than the person who didn’t. At the end of the day, it depends on you as a person, and what you believe in. And imposing your beliefs on pre-marital sex on another person is wrong.

  8. Gbemi

    September 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Asides religion, legal requirements. cultural requirements and morality. I think “sex outside the boundaries of marriage” is a matter of an individuals Principles. Its interesting because most of our principles are based on religion or morals. A question crosses my mind everytime this subject come up “IF WE THINK SEX OUT

  9. Gbemi

    September 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Asides religion, legal requirements. cultural requirements and morality. I think “sex outside the boundaries of marriage” is a matter of an individuals Principles. Its interesting because most of our principles are based on religion or morals. A question crosses my mind everytime this subject come up “IF WE THINK SEX OUTSIDE THE BOUNDARIES OF MARRIAGE IS RIGHT WHY DO WE DISCUSS IT?”. Honestly married people don’t set up an article saying – ‘Having sex with my husband is wrong’.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

      But a husband RAPING HIS WIFE WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE IS WRONG….another argument for another day

  10. Purpleicious Babe

    September 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Right topic… as u have guessed right, I love debate / the opportunity to analyse and talk..hehehe.. (am very opinionated too lol as u know)now am sending this link to other friends buahahahah..

    Back to the point, to be honest I THINK ITS ALL OF THE ABOVE and more. Religion and cultural mostly. Above all, as I have always said to be a virgin does not make you a good person btw none is good but (you could be the world best rumour carrier for all we know and still be a virgin).

    My view: to be a virgin or not to have sex before marriage is a personal decision one that I consider important just like every other decisions e.g. not to carry rumour/spread rumour, not cheat and keep malice etc etc. BUT,all of our decisions are stemmed from motivies, which comes from various facets of situations. Your motives are indication of the principles/values you uphold, practice and feel strongly about (it should be imposed on anybody else sha)lol… which I think boils down to personal convictions . People make decisiosn to avoid things i.e. lying, backbiting, stealing etc. BUT why, is the question cos its the motives you should question (to please God, to make a heaven etc etc).

    As for me, its a combination of my faith, my upbrining, my perspectives about life and ultimately my convicitions of what I think its right and wrong and pleasing to God.

    Yes, we are all individuals in our own right and I think sex or no sex it does not make anyone qualify for heaven if you have a stinking attitude/ character (God looks at your heart too).lool.

    Judgement is from God not from men. so although I might not agree with some people decisions just as some will not agree with mine but to single out one act and make it the ultimate is just delusional.

    So in nutshell, I am not for SEX before marriage but its my view… AND virgins should not feel stupid or silly or even shy or better still ashamed of WHAT exactly.. That people will think u are behind or that your are late? Pls dont be ruled by society thoughts/ideologies. If you know the reasons why you are not doing something then I dont think you will be ashamed of it sha..

    As usual, I go off topic sometimes because (i think about other things lol).

    • Purpleicious Babe

      September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am


    • yummymummy

      September 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

      You juste expressed what I have in mind¬¬¬¬¬Purpleicious babe.

  11. Cindy

    September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

    For me, it’s an answer of one’s relationship with the Lord(I won’t call it religion) and what is morally right. In as much as we din’t just drop from d sky and we din’t create ourselves, nor put breathe in our own nostrils, that means we are subject and at d mercy of SomeOne, Who is God.

    For as many people that know the Lord on a personal level and how real He is(not talking of those who are following religion), we can’t live our lives anyhow bcuz we know we are accountable to God. We can’t just afford to do it, not just because it’s a sin and God says so, but also because we love the Lord and want to please Him and have made ourselves subject to Him, thus we don’t find ourselves doing this.

    Morally, because you too, think about it, you have a wife or husband at home, yet you engage in extra marital affairs. It shows covetousness & lack of self-control. And if one lacks self-control, how can one do things right, given d right ‘atmosphere’ to do some wrong stuffs, such as stealing, lying, taking bribe & even committing murder. So, doing some stuffs, such as this, just shows who one really is, when no one is looking. My thot.

    • OmogeNaija

      September 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      I resonate with you Cindy, it not religious, it is spiritual. It stems from my relationship with God. Interestingly, all those instructions/commandment as for our good not God’s. What would God suffer from my killing a fellow human being? Nothing! What would God benefit from my not killing a fellow human? Nothing!
      Man is first a spiritual being, then a physical being. For me it is spiritual.

    • happyhilly

      September 20, 2012 at 5:53 pm

      Thank you Cindy; it’s actually more spiritual than religious or moral. Sex involves a blood union (now, don’t ask if that applies when a condom is used; I don’t really know. Getting into blood relationships/unions/covenants with multiple partners is one of the deadliest things a human can do to himself/herself. I think it’s also morally wrong to cheat when married.

      Having said the above, nobody should force his/her beliefs on another; and humans will always be humans

  12. Ai

    September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

    “Getting married in a church doesn’t automatically make you a christian. Neither does getting married in a registry make you a law maker. Why pick and choose the laws you want to obey?People just talk from a sanctimonious point of view oh jere! “
    Your friend is very smart! Sex outside (or within, really) marriage is up to the individual and the choices they’ve made whether it involves religion, protection, or any other moral guidelines they’ve set.

  13. Ade

    September 20, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Hebrews 13:4 (New King James Version)
    4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

  14. olah

    September 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

    If sex outside marriage is okay then why use protection? why have abortions? why get married anyway? Sex is very intimate and marriage is the form of security. The major reason for sex is actually procreation, i would say sex in the context of marriage is actually to protect the parties involved. Listen, if you are not married and you are having sex, you don’t have the moral right to question your partner’s loyalty i.e you have no right to bug them when they “cheat”. They do not owe you anything! Because nothing binds the two of you together, covenant is binding, the law is binding but sex is not binding. So if sex outside marriage is okay by you then you can’t pull on moral etiquette,you can’t use a lawsuit and you can’t ask God to intervene when your partner cheats because these three are against sex outside marriage in the first place.

    • nomad

      September 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm

      lol even within marriage people use protection. Abi you wanna have football field of children

    • olah

      September 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

      lollllll but at least its not because you are scared of staph or syph.

    • Ohgey Agim

      September 20, 2012 at 5:43 pm

      #Gbam!! God bless u bruva! Cudnt have said it better!

    • purplelilly

      September 21, 2012 at 12:53 am

      Errr.. STD’s, HIV and such??…

    • jennietobbie

      September 21, 2012 at 1:34 am

      U killed me with this! Thank u~ a very smart and polished perspective

    • Mell v

      September 21, 2012 at 4:43 am

      Ur right olah, about not questioning ur partner if he’s/she’s cheating when ur having sex outside marriage with him or her, point a finger at someone and the other four fingers are pointing right back at you, which means ur no better but worse

    • Naija4life

      February 8, 2013 at 2:17 am

      @ Olah very well and wisely said!

  15. Nems

    September 20, 2012 at 11:42 am

    The reason most people don’t think it is wrong morally is beacuse of the MORAL DECLINE of our World. First it was ok to have sex outside of marriage , then Gay marriage and now some silly Hollywood Director is saying there is nothing wrong with INCEST and soon people will be fighting for incestous marriage rights.
    Whatever you decide is right for you make sure you can deal with the repercussions 50years down the line. IT IS TIME FOR US TO TAKE A MORAL HIGH GROUND.

  16. omoibo

    September 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

    So my question to all the folks that say no SEX before marriage is; what happens after you have saved yourself & finally get married and sex completely sucks with your mate due to no fault of yours?? I am of the opinion that you need to kick the tires before buying a car, am not saying becoming promiscuous in any way but just as we test out of compatibility in every other aspect of a relationship why does intimacy(SEX) have to be excluded? It’s a key piece of the puzzle in my opinion, or is it not?

    • kele

      September 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm

      you wouldnt know because you have never tried anything different.

    • omoibo

      September 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      Sure you wouldn’t know the difference if both partners have never experienced sex, but what if one has?

    • Observer

      September 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

      If in the context of marriage, one partner feels unsatisfied in the bedroom, there are sex therapists, and books that can help. Another thing is sex is a learned behavior. Over time, as you get used to yourselves and COMMUNICATE, you will find that the sex part will take care of itself. The problem is that people have idolized sex, when it is not the brick and mortar of a relationship. I’d rather marry a man that loves God, respects me, that I can trust, is a provider, a protector, and my friend than marry a man who is great in bed but lacks all those qualities. At the end of the day we can always learn more about each other’s bodies and how we connect in intimacy within the security of a faithful marriage.

    • carphy

      December 24, 2012 at 10:17 am

      U re on point. I concur!

    • somebody

      September 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

      Together, you can work on it. Isn’t that what marriage is all about? #sigh#

    • A.D

      September 21, 2012 at 12:20 am

      My dear, the original intent was to only have the knowledge of sex outside your marriage. Believe if or not, things like this are the causes of increasing divorce rates.
      That was why it was intended for there to be purity before marriage so that the gift of ‘love making’ is truly enjoyed and appreciated not analysed and compared

    • A.D

      September 21, 2012 at 12:21 am

      My dear, the original intent was to only have the knowledge of sex in your marriage. Believe if or not, things like this are the causes of increasing divorce rates.
      That was why it was intended for there to be purity before marriage so that the gift of ‘love making’ is truly enjoyed and appreciated not analysed and compared

    • virtue007

      October 21, 2012 at 7:44 pm

      So how many do you want to test before you find the right one? Is there a limit or you just keep tasting until you hit it? just wondering

  17. Princess of Zion

    September 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

    For me, sex outside of marriage is a no-no based on my relationship with Christ and what He instructs! However, I also believe lying, stealing and so on are wrong; but that doesn’t stop people or even Christians from doing it! I am proud to state this but I can’t judge or force anyone to adhere to it.

    In terms of morals/culture, I live in London where it is very acceptable and normal to have sex with someone you aren’t married to; waiting till marriage is almost extinct/unheard of. However, in Nigerian culture, there’s still a generation that believes sex should be practised only within the institution of marriage, however there’s a growing generation that doesn’t believe in this anymore, so I think it’s down to religion and an individual’s own personal conviction, sense of morality and culture.

  18. yummymummy

    September 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

    You just expressed what I have in mind¬¬¬¬¬Purpleicious babe.

  19. Radiant

    September 20, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    For me ‘No Sex Outside of Marriage’ is originally from God (I got that from God first. I don’t think it was man’s idea. #thinkingaboutitreally). It was then adopted by societies, groups and individuals making it about culture, moral and religion. In all, its really about making up your mind to believe God or not.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

      Without religion, there is no God. The reason you know one type of God exists is because your ancestors had to enslave themselves to serve a particular race. Yes in igbo we had our CHI, but we were called pagans. We believed in God the way we chose to, but it was considered inferior to the white man’s God.

      It is religion, Catholic and other Christian missionaries, that brought their beliefs to you and you suddenly cast your God aside and believed in theirs.

      Can you believe in God and not be religious? I think it is possible. But to say “no sex outside of marriage is God’s will” is to speak for God. And in speaking for God, you undermine his existence. That is my position. Religion speaks for God. Spirituality works for Him. Two different things.

    • Princess

      September 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

      If you want to live in the past, and bring up ancestors, you better invent a time machine, and go back to the 1800’s. You must really think that the hundreds of millions of christians all over the world are all fools. Your arrogance stinks to the high heavens. Your view of course is the right way. You criticise other people for accepting the white man’s religion, and yet you come here and type your own views, with the notion that yours happens to be the correct one. Abeg go sit don make we hear word. Hypocrite much. Attack christianity all you can, it doesn’t remove from the awesomeness and beauty of the faith. Ridicule it all you can, it doesn’t remove from the majesty of God, you are just an insignificant speck of dust, compared to the whole of His Creation, and no one is forcing you to serve Him. If you want to serve CHI, go ahead, no one is stopping you. People have their own personal relationships with God, and you can’t tell me that all the hundreds of millions of people are just deceiving themselves, or that Almighty doesn’t exist. He doesn’t need you to validate Him, so please abeg. I really detest it, when people like you, mock people of faith. You have no right to judge me, or tell me that what and how I worship is sub par. I have seen and experienced the manifestation of His Grace in my life, and the lives of family and friends, so, whether you believe or not, is not my business. Give christians some credit, we are not all morons and sheep. Yes some people behave like that, but not all of us, are pastor or church following people, some of us take our relationship with our maker far beyond any human congregation or ordinance. I didn’t live in the time of the white man bringing christianity to Africa, wetin concern me, I have come to a point of my devotion and faith, on my own, especially as my parents rarely attended church. You even have the audacity to type, marriage is a social construct. Who died and made you king, or who screwed you up this bad to make you cynical. Don’t worry, you can sleep with whomever you like, even have 4kids from 4 fathers sef, all because you don’t want to live your life in a box, or you want to be free to self express, and when your kids are adults too, let them run a mock, with no moral or spiritual guidance. I shudder to think of such people walking in society. The funny part is that even atheists don’t realise that they are practising some form of religion. Mschew.

    • A.D

      September 21, 2012 at 1:05 am

      You know, heart crosser, going through all your comments, it shocks and even scares me that we still have obviously well educated people like you with this kind of belief system
      Your comments are so contradictory, it not easily understood, u admit to the existence of God, then you doubt it towards the end.
      Then there is the part of you calling the emergence and acceptance of Christianity enslaving,buh u found the way of ‘CHI’ quite liberating, I put it to you that the only reason that it was widely accepted was because they saw proof of the greater liberty they had in Christ.
      You alo make it seem like the religion of Christianity is just a bunch of rules made by they westerners and further……reformed by our ‘today’ pastors, well. 1stly, Christisnity is not a religion but a way of life, 2ndly, if you sincerely and unbiasedly research again, you will discover that ‘the way of the CHI’ was even more preposterous than Christianity because even the pastors have the Bible to fall back on as they churn out new rules or morals, buh CHI cheif priest was literally the ‘god’, whatever he said was law and there was no investigation or research.
      I know I’ve flown way off the handle, but u always seem to be on the offensive of the Christians, it’s quite obvious that I’m on the #no sexb4 marriage team.
      Apart from it being religiously wrong, it is also psycologically and spiritually wrong. I knw that being a virgin doesn’t make you a saint but having more than 1 sex partner, yes, 1, on the long run causes volatility of emotions, because no matter how hard we justify the act, wen a man and a woman have sex, they is an attachment, even some rape victims can testify and when we try to break the connection in the name of’moviing on’ or with the mantra ‘onto the next one” the degree of passion and emotions are reduced, and then we tend to have ‘hardened’ hearts on the long run and then some people are found incapable of truly loving like they should. Now some of us will not believe this but check yourself sincerely, your 1st time is always remembered whether it was good or bad or memorable, buh as one goes on, and as partners increase, there’s no more passion like there was, just unhealthy erotic adventure and greed of satisfaction, that sometimes can never be reached and then nymphos are born.
      Spiritually, whenever a man and a woman have sex, the Bible says they become one, thus sharing every form of spiritual identity between both parties, and then u find people suffering from ancestral curses they know nothing about.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 5:33 am

      @ Princess,

      How did I mock people of faith? Or are you assuming that I am not of faith? By expressing yourself in the manner in which have shows why people have problems with Christianity. Your self-righteous attitude has forced you not only to look at my position objectively but to use a language that mocks me. If the tone I used in my previous posts appears to mock people of faith, I apologize for your misunderstanding.

      Christianity stems from colonization. Colonization was and still is a process where one race insists on the inferiority of another race. Is that not accurate? If Christian missionaries did not come to your continent, do you think any one would have been enslaved? How did Christian missionaries succeed in winning souls? By mocking, undermining, and making sure that Traditionalists condemn their own religion. If you read Things Fall Apart and other literature and works you will understand that religion played a role in the destruction of most African cultures. It is not a lie. You can ignore it as much as you want, but that is exactly what happened. It happened so that you can die hard for a religion that has naturalized itself into our culture.

      Believe in what you want. If you want to wait before you get married to have sex…PLEASE DO. But if you MUST apply the principles of the bible, MY DEAR, DO SO LITERALLY. YOU SHOULD NOT PICK AND CHOOSE. No make-up, no human hair, no internet, no wearing of more than one fabric, no piercings, when you have your period go to the bush so that you may not make others (especially men) unclean, and the list is endless. You cannot preach one part of the bible that works for you and use other parts of the bible to condemn me and others who are different from you.

      If I choose to have more than 4 children with different fathers, AGAIN MY CHOICE. If I choose to sleep with 20 men in one day, MY CHOICE. After all, how many NIGERIANS will die to live abroad where CHOICES ARE RESPECTED? You enjoy the perks of the WEST -internet, clothing, cell-phones- but these perks co-exist with the freedom to CHOOSE (and also co-exist with morals that apparently are inferior to the morals of Nigerians)

      So my friend, we cannot hide the origin of Christianity in Nigeria just as we can not delude ourselves to think that our subjective view of morality is a universal one.

      You do not need to know my faith or my stance regarding my faith because it is not necessary. If waiting before marriage suits you because of your faith, background and experiences, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE. And it is NOT RIGHT FOR YOU TO IMPOSE THAT ON ANYONE.

    • atm

      November 22, 2012 at 10:17 pm

      Sorry, I really do not like to comment but I wouuld like to correct you on this: Christianity got to Africa way before it reached the “oyinbo”. Remember the Ethiopian Eunuch?

  20. Schmorty

    September 20, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    The fact that the author asks this question shows a remarkable amount of religiously inspired sexual repression. We evolved biologically with sex. Marriage is a social invention. Obviously sex outside of marriage is an element of natural selection, and can’t be “wrong” unless some learned or brainwashed “morality” is in play. Just saying…

    • X factor

      September 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

      NO Marriage is NOT as social Invention……..

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

      MARRIAGE is a social construct used to specifically build a one-sided view of a nation. If you look at nations today you can see that it is modelled after a specific notion of family. That is president, first wife, and the constituents/subjects or whatever you call it, are referred to as children. Marriage is a social construct. And because it is, we can see that it is not perfect. No two people can live together forever if they do not want to anymore. You can use the bible to quote Adam and Eve and even at that, they were not married. One was invented for the other. Of course I do not believe this line of thought because it places one sex/gender over the other.

      If you want to use the union of Adam and Eve as the basis for your argument, then you should wait for God to use your ribs to invent your partner. No need to date/court/ or in most Nigerians’ cases, wait for your pastor to choose for you. There is mockery in my tone of course, but it is to make jest of the situation in Nigeria. We do things blindly. We ask the “how” questions more often than the “why” questions.

    • buchi

      September 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      My dear, marriage is not a social invention. i’m disturbed that u have that notion

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 5:18 am

      It is my dear. Your disturbance is for you to deal with. We do not have to get married. Yes we need to procreate but the institution of marriage is not necessary for that to take place. If it is not a social invention that why has it failed. Is your next argument going to be “because God did not bless the union” or ” We need to seek guidance from our pastors” or “The couple should have taken time to know themselves”? The fact that a man or a woman can walk out of a marriage demonstrate that it is a construct. Race is a construct. We humans have designed projects and institutions and have naturalized it to the point that anything outside of such projects or institutions is considered “ABNORMAL” “DISTURBING” and ” STRANGE”. It is because of this mindset that women in Nigeria are dying to marry by force regardless. Why? So that they can be normal. Why? Because if they are not married something must be wrong with them. What about people who may never find someone to marry or people who simply do not want to marry period. It is a choice. And when we have a choice to choose something, that my dear, indicates that marriage is a construct. We choose to marry. We choose to marry whomever we marry. WE CHOOSE. As long as you are CHOOSING or you have the right to CHOOSE. Then marriage is a SOCIAL CONSTRUCT. If that choice is taken away from you, then you have arranged marriages. And as you have seen from extreme cases in India and other parts of the Middle East (even in Nigeria), women are killed if they CHOOSE to escape such marriages.

  21. preety

    September 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    For me,i fink is the thnk of the heart….bin a virgin doesnt mean ure a saint,jst lik purpleious babe has xpressed it,soo pple am on the side of the religious side,wat is worth waitin forn is worth waiting for so y d rush.

  22. winnie

    September 20, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Radiant u hv said it correctly!

  23. Henrietta

    September 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    This is a topic that is bound to generate multiple and contrasting opinions. What defines us as individuals are the choices we make. How do we come about making decisions? They are products of our thoughts pattern, beliefs, upbringing etc. Choosing to have sex or not are guided by religious beliefs but is never a criteria to judge whether someone is good or bad.

  24. mr man

    September 20, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    I think it depends on the nature of the parties involved,and the konji in their bodies.but seriously even when bible says don’t look at another man’s wife lustfully many guys still go behind that to go and set p,so I think its more of a religious thing.

  25. igbo canadian

    September 20, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I personally believe that obedience to God brings a great and beautiful reward. The word of God instructs us against premarital sex. I believe that Daddy knows best so the best thing is to obey. Also, I find that obedience come with your love for God as well. If you love your parents you will do everything and anything in your power to please them. That is how it is with The Most High. I also understand that people have weakness but in oure weakness He makes us strong. So let keep looking up to Him and not put our ‘own’ selves into temptations

  26. Evilicious

    September 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    @Cindy God bless you, u couldn’t have put it any better. Christianity is not a religion, it’s a way of life which entails having a personal relationship with God. And when you do, you won’t do things to hurt Him intentionally and as you grow with your walk with God, you won’t find yourself struggling with sin or doing things just because it is part of the 10 commandments, it becomes a part of you. And not having sex before marriage is for our own benefit too.

  27. NAIMA

    September 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I am going to be contoversial on this one their is no specific prohibition on sex between an unmarried man and unmarried woman in the bible and you are free to challenge me just like there are no prohibited sexual acts between a man and a woman (Daddy GO redeemed once referred to oral sex in his Open Heavens series as being a sin) 1st Corinthians 7-15 where this verse comes from was written by Paul not God these were his personal opinions and advise it is not a law. Christianity was brought to Africans mostly by British missionaries a very conservative lot just like today’s pastors can interpret a verse to suit them or justify what they may not personally be comfortable with and try to impose it on their congregation i believe these missionaries coming from a country where at that time being an unwed mother was looked down on and so was cohabiting took this verse and translated it to justify their moral teachings on sex and marriage to the uncivilised african population. How many people challenge their pastors we just take their words literally a pastor may quote a verse and say something is a sin based on that verse and most people will not take time to open that verse and read it for themselves and understand it well. We are just told and we accept. To have sex or not is a personal choice so what happens if you never marry and live till you are eighty does that mean that you should never have sex? If that was the case then the Creator would not have created our bodies wiht hormones that make us susceptible to sexual feelings and sex would have been created solely for procreation it would have been like taking a bath and not come with feelings and emotions attached to it. I could go on and on those who condem drinking of alcohol when Jesus turned water into wine he came from a wine drinking and producing region it was the drink of choice other than water 1st timothy 5:23 says stop drinking only water and use a little wine for your grequent illnesses and stomach problems. Most Nigerians choose to hnour one law in the bible and turn a blind eye to the other religious leaders are human beings just like the rest of us and are prone to making mistakes and imposing their beliefs on others so always double check and reas your bible if not sure. Sex to me is a personal choice not religious nor cultural which is funny coz traditionally in my tribe your brideprice could only be paid once you got pregnant men had to ascertain your fertility before then so pre marital sex was the norm.

    • camo

      September 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

      Read ur last paragraph it says after the ‘bride price is paid’ that is marriage for a non christian or muslim. so u just contradicted urself. in the olden days if u get pregnant without ur brideprice being pain you stand to be scorned, i have my grand uncle of about 120 plus years to concur to this. If u choose to have sex before marriage its ur choice no one is judging you but dont back it up with wrong insinuations.

    • NAIMA

      September 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

      show me a naija couple who got married without their bride price being paidyet it is not a requirement in the bible but even christian families insist on it. if you reread the last paragraph i was pointing to the fact that that’s how it is done in my culture and that is why pre marital sex is the norm it had nothing to with christian/muslim weddings. You are born to christian parents somehwere along the way you start attending sunday school, teenage christian clubs graduate to young adult bible classes you are told it is a sin not to have sex before marriage you take is as the gospel truth because your pastor says so do you get where i am coming from with this?

    • NAIMA

      September 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      The last paragraph is meant to show how it is done in my cultute it has nothing to do with christian/muslim weddings if i took that verse literally then i would be torn between culture and christianity. Just like the christian parents who will not give out their daughter before a brideprice is paid forgetting that it is cultural not religious as there is no law in the bible requiring the payment as well and if they were bible believing christians that shouldn’t matter. What i am trying to say is you are born to christian parents start attending sunday school, teenage bible classes graduate to young adult bible study and somewhere along the way you are told that premarital sex is a sin in my opinion this is done more to hinder teenage sexual activites and early pregnancies which your body and emotions at that age is not able to handle than to serve a religious purpose. These rules/laws however you may want to call them are given to us in our formative years before we are able to form our own opinions based on our own understanding of what we have read. Think of all the hogwash superstitions you were told as a child which you now as an adult know have no basis but still rule your life somehow

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

      Thank you……

    • Ada Owerri

      September 21, 2012 at 12:46 am

      There is no specific prohibition on sex between an unmarried man and woman in the bible? So when the Bible talks about fleeing fornication and it being against one’s own body what do you think the bible was talking about? A holy dance? Wonders!

    • Oj

      September 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

      Then please define FORNICATION?!

  28. Evilicious

    September 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    @Olah that’s deep! Never thought about it in that way. Wow wow wow!

    • jennietobbie

      September 21, 2012 at 1:35 am

      I thought I was the only one that felt that. Olah, damn damn!!!! lol

  29. Abd Ghaffar

    September 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Wao this is a very exciting issue to discuss. To me I will say its religious requirement that :No Sex outside marriage: to say the fact its religions that teaches morality as we are created by uncreated creator. So no matter how the fact is all religion against sex outside marriage, so it now depends on how your obedience to your lord is.

  30. tootsy

    September 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    First we should ask ourselves, Where did Sex originated from? If am correct it originated from Creation when God created man & woman and he said they should cleave together and be one. He also said the marriage bed should be undefy meaning no sex before marriage. From this point of view No sex before Marraige is first a Religious thing. likewise, its also a moral thing in this our age and time,when some say they advocate for sex before marriage why do they prevent all the consequences of sex before marriage if truly its what they want. they cant because they dont want to be pregnant outside marriage, they dont want to take responsibilities that comes wiv being a mother or a father. Meaning morally, they dont want to be tagged irresponsible bringing to life what they cant take care of. With this being said, i believe sex outside marriage if first a religious requirement, secondly a moral requirement, thirdly a cultural requirement and fourthly a legal requirement.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

      huh? Before your ancestors knew there was such a thing as the BIBLE…ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY DID NOT HAVE SEX?

  31. Seun

    September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    If its not wrong then why this article in the first place huh? Do we write & debate over artcles about work, earning a living etc? Am sure you get my drift.

    Anyways I’m 26 yr old virgin, I’m engaged to a wonderful man who loves me to bits, we’ve known each other for 9ys, been dating for 2 yrs and will be married by 1st quarter next year. We have never had sex and these are our reasons:

    1. We answer to GOD and HIS WORD says to abstain from sexual relations until marriage.

    2. Our decision not to have sex until marriage:
    a. Honours God and shows that we truly respect each other. True love is patient.
    b. Deepens our trust
    c. Eliminates feelings of guilt (you must agree that this will surely happen after sex)
    d. Prevents unwanted pregnancies. If we had had sex 9yrs ago when he first told me he liked me, I would probably have ended up a teen mom and he a dis-stabilized young man.
    e. Strenghthens our relationship. We “talk through” our misunderstandings and not “sex through”.
    f. We spend quality time together. Since sex is outta the picture, all we can do is get to know each other well.

    3. Prepares our marriage on a strong foundation. Marriage is honourable in all, the marriage bed undefiled.

    4. The build up sexual feelings we have for each other will make for an exciting sexual life. We have the rest of our lives to discover each other’s bodies so why “steal meat from the pot” when the whole pot soup is being cooked for you???
    Please read up by following this link if you please.

    5. If we dont imbibe a culture of patience, discipline and deferred gratification, tell me, what do we teach our children?

    *****Just as an after thought though, can you tell your girlfriends father that you wanna take his daughter into the next room and have sex with her?***** just a simple question. his response will answer your question on right or wrong!

    • somebody

      September 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      Bless your heart dear! Well said!

    • Chattyzee

      September 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm

      GBAM! End of story. I totally agree. I chose not to engage in pre-marital sex because I trust God to call the shots in my life. And so why will obey him in every other area and not this one? So, if God says “Adenike, no sex for you before you marry”, I will answer “Yes Lord, your daughter heareth!”

    • portable-oge

      September 20, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      Seun,God bless u loads! i support u 100%!

    • molarah

      September 20, 2012 at 11:47 pm

      Gbam to the hundred fold!

      I especially like your last point on what will be passed across to the next generation. That’s the part people forget when they decide to argue against what is morally right. My people, what the adults do in moderation the children will do in excess. Here you are supporting pre-marital sex, please don’t come and complain if your daughter turns out as a full-fledged prostitute. If you are going to find it difficult to draw limits on a particular lifestyle you are better off staying away from it in the first place. A word is enough for the wise.

    • jennietobbie

      September 21, 2012 at 1:51 am

      best! And keep it up girl…

  32. Seun

    September 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Oh and by the way, for those who say you must have sex b4 marriage to investigate your sexual compatibility, let me just say this- WE KNOW IN PART MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR BABIES

  33. nich

    September 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    One thing I can tell is that if you are enjoying sex in your marriage…..u will not want to have sex outside…….when you are not enjoying ur marriage then sex outside marriage would likely happen……

  34. Seun

    September 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Oh and by the way, for those who say you must have sex b4 marriage to investigate your sexual compatibility, let me just say this- WE KNOW IN PART and thats why MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR BABIES.
    Do you know if you and your spose will ever have children/when? Do you know which one of you will die first? Do you kow if you will ever have grandchildren? Do you know if you’ll have singel or multiple deliveries? Do you specifically know when your wife will get to menopause? DO you know if you’ll get sick later? Do you know if you’ll have sons, daughters or both?
    C’mon, we dont know everything! All we can do is pray and hope and be optimistic. We’ll work out whatever issues we have bcos WE ARE SUPPOSED TO!!! that why its for better for worse. So prepare for a good sex life – ask questions from sincere married couples, read books, talk to each other and learn from each other when you get married.

    How many people do you have to test your sexual compatibility with b4 you even find the perfect match? its an endless journey riden with STDs, unfaithfulness, quick-fix-mentalities and zero faithfulness. By the time plenty guys don sample a babe, d commodity don finish be dat now, ashawo don begin

  35. sanctimonious crap

    September 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Nigerians una tire person….all of u talking about no sex b4 marriage here and will be getting it on at the weekend, God is watching uuuuuuu

    • anonymous

      September 20, 2012 at 6:46 pm

      THANK YOU!!!!! even the married pastors sef

    • Ada Owerri

      September 21, 2012 at 12:52 am

      Yes as hypocritical as that sounds, I’d rather have people that fall short of the goal but would still admit to it being a goal that those that just remove the goal posts entirely. We cannot start changing God’s words to assuage our consciences, at least for those who claim to be in a relationship with God anyway.

    • annie

      September 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

      This!!!! Couldn’t have put it better…

  36. anidiv

    September 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Read all the diverse opinions – here is mine…..
    I strongly believe that sex originated from God…it was created so that a man and a woman can experience the type of oneness that God wants to have with us. That been said, sex outside marriage according to the bible is wrong – but you can only accept that if you understand the reason behind the law. As much as we hate to admit it, sex is a spiritual thingy. Saying you are a xtian does not equate having a personal relationship with God, so it is understandable that most christians still have sex before marriage. I dont care how you all put it, sex before marriage is a sin – we just have to pray for more understanding as to why we are been told not to do it cos with understanding brings freedom! If u commit fornication and ur conscience doesnt judge you, den its not a sin to u…but im sure pple who ve sex outside marriage feel that its a sin, if not, why do they feel the need to justify it??? The act of sexual intercourse has such a strong bonding effect that God describes engaging in it as bringing about such a union of a man and woman as for them to become, as it were, one flesh or one body!There is no problem to this within a stable marriage situation, in fact, it’s just as it should be. Consider, though, the consequences to a boy-girl relationship where not marriage has been entered into. A break up will mean that this strong bonding brought about by sexual intercourse will be rent apart. In this case the rending is likely to be emotionally more painful than usual.
    I have found that it is more easier to let go of a relationship that is not going right when there has been no sex involved but itz reverse in a case where sex has taken place – y? because there is already a spiritual connection.Sex outside of marriage creates a conflict of soul and body. This conflict may not at first be evident but later it has the potential of resulting in soul damage occurring between the two people involved. (See 1 Peter 2:11.)
    For those saying the have to sample before marrying just to make sure the sex would be good in marriage – first sex isnt wat keep a marriage together. secondly, in the long term, the woman’s “performance” in bed is generally the consequence of how the man is with her, his attitudes, his gentleness and his approaches to her.In any case, sex is not a performance but a developing relationship where a man and a woman learn to interact with one another sexually. This happens best where the woman has a sense of security in the male to female relationship. The marriage relationship gives a wonderful opportunity for this sense of security to develop.

    visit my blog for interesting write ups –

  37. iCROSSmyHeart

    September 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Sex is an individual CHOICE. I do not believe religion, bible, or culture should determine what one does with their body. Humans dictate the direction of religion and culture, thus, anything we do , is an individual choice. Many decades ago, white people used the bible to dictate who is to be superior and inferior. Unfortunately for them it worked to their benefit. They have used the bible to put the black man in the back corner. That is why where you find the most progressive and developed nations do not believe in God compared to the developing and impoverished nations. Because Africans and other citizens of developing nations, spend more time in the church saying ” God said this” “God didnt say this” instead of acting and actually doing something. If something bag happens, it is by the grace of God. If something bad happens in the West, people want to get to the heart of the matter and have it resolved.

    If we spend less time worrying what others are doing behnd closed doors, Nigeria and every other African country will be developed by now. But of course, they will have to ask their pastors first.

    • A.D

      September 21, 2012 at 12:07 am

      Fisrtly, heart crosser, the fact tha Africans are in arguable the most backward race is also rooted in the Bible, after the great flood and Noah was celebrating and got drunk, he got deposed and one of his sons Ham acted stupidly, and when Noah was told of what happend, he layer a curse on Ham’s son, CUSH, who according to history and fact(since that is what you will believe) has proven that Afrocans are descendants of Ham.
      I’ve been reading all yr comments buh I just couldn’t let u wallow in yr ignorance on this issue, no offence intended buh do more research swerieee

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 1:12 pm

      So you are more informed by quoting Bible verses? I am the ignorant one? You have come to accept that your race is cursed and you believe that? Who is more ignorant? I will not accept that my race is CURSED. In fact with such premise that is why you act, think, speak, and believe like the white man. It is no wonder that the likes of Frantz Fanon conclude THAT THE DESTINY OF A BLACK MAN IS TO BE WHITE. You are the ignorant one my dear. Anyone who has to resort to quoting bible verses instead of logically arguing a position, is ignorant. Do not regurgitate what your pastor told you. THINK. The bible serves as a guideline. But we cannot ignore the origin of Christianity in Africa.

      I believe in God wholeheartedly, but before I can become a full Christian, I have to understand how me and the people before me had access to such faith. To ignore it, my friend, is IGNORANCE TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE. Your ancestors did not know Christianity. It was brought to you THROUGH VIOLENCE. To ignore that people suffered and treated inhumanely so you can be a staunch Christian, is TO BE IGNORANT.

      Education has nothing to do with knowledge. One does not need education to think. Yes education opens doors to the possibility of heightened knowledge, but it does not guarantee that.

      Please do not deceive yourself to think your race is cursed. IT IS NOT. If you believe that, then my condolences. It is that belief that helped apartheid to live well to the 1990s. It is that belief that African-Americans are still being systematically discriminated against despite a mixed race President in Office. It is that belief that insists that blacks are inferior. If you continue to believe that, then there is no hope for the black man. If you continue to believe that, then all efforts to develop Nigeria should END.

      This is my last response.

  38. Gezani

    September 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I was struggling with this one because I am not the one to oppose the scrioptures. But I always ask myself what happens when a man manhood didnt fully developed as its expected and he cant satify that woman? All I know is that sex brings people together in such a way that if sex its good and even if they are disagreements but when the man touches the wife she will respond. But if he is not good she can even get more angrier. I wish I was a virgin and pure but I dont think I can cope with one minute man or a man who is not gifted with his manhood.

    • idak

      September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      I respect your sincerity.

    • happyhilly

      September 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      I too respect your sincerity. Truth is: christianity is not a religion per say but a relationship, and the closer you get to God the more you realise you feel less itch for things He detests. So the goal should be getting closer to Him. You’ll really struggle when abstaining from sin becomes the goal.

      Jesus knows our feelings, desires et al. Cheers

    • Ada Owerri

      September 21, 2012 at 12:54 am


  39. Layo

    September 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Good article, but you the writer, even the people commenting need to define EXACTLY what sex means to you. I say this, because you have cases of girls who do everything with their boyfriends, including anal sex, and yet they say they are still virgins, because there hasn’t been vaginal penetration. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!!. So, let us make it clear, what exactly you mean by sex, and then the rest of the argument can be clear. Sex will always remain a personal issue, and those who talk about it form a religious point of view, are just hypocrites. Don’t judge someone else because they sin differently than you do, and also don’t give yourself a badge of honour because you are not sinning in one aspect of your life (no sex before marriage), but you are sinning in the rest. When I see women or even men, raise the flag proud and say they are virgins, I find myself rolling my eyes, because it does not guarantee automatic passage to heaven, and if you sin in other areas of your life, from above, my dear girl, you are just as bad as the next person. Show me the blameless person on earth, you will find none, because they are in heaven, so please, let us not focus on one aspect of our lives, and discuss it like there is a certificate at the end of the day. If you want to have sex, make sure you are doing it for the reasons you are comfortable with, be aware of the consequences, and don’t blackmail anyone with it. Personally, I don’t subscribe to sex before marriage, and this comes from a personal and practical perspective, not even a religious one because I am not even Christian, but do i judge people who have made the choice too, hell no. Will i want my husband to be a virgin before we get married, it doesn’t even come into consideration, because him having sex before he met me, doesn’t define him as a person. His virginity or lack of, was not a factor in me falling in love with him. So please people, let us stop holding virginity up as some kind of prize or worth of a person, there are more important sides of a person.

    • molarah

      September 21, 2012 at 12:00 am

      What really is all the reference to judging on your post about? Please people here are airing their personal views, just like we normally do for any regular post. You are free to pick what side of the convo you wish, just be bold enough to stick with it. I’m sure you didn’t realize that by referring to a particular set of people as hypocrites, you assumed a highly judgmental position, becoming the very thing you are criticizing others of. And besides, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. So quit the victim speak, PLEASE! Thank you!

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 5:36 am

      Layo thank you……well-said.

    • Love

      September 21, 2012 at 7:32 am

      @ Layo: You said “show me the blameless person on earth, you will find none, because they are in heaven.” I have a question for you? Didn’t these blameless people in heaven get to heaven from earth? So, if they could make it to heaven, then you & I are without excuse. You see all unrighteousness is sin, and the wages of sin is (spiritual) death. Don’t be deceived, some people are living holy, and these are the people that will be raptured when Jesus comes. Some people keep saying that they don’t understand how a loving God will send people to hell, but you see, it’s not God that sends people to hell: people send themselves there! If people choose the ways of satan, doesn’t it make sense that they also share in his punishment?

  40. long writup get tiring to read

    September 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Why is it so easy to preach on the net,but in reality we are whore,pls are there anyone among you who have not test sex before marriage? Is it just with one person,it would have been justifiable,worst with guys.I stop having sex,because I feel quilt,especy when it comes with having several difficult getting a boyfriend who wouldn’t want sex,I have lose several marriage proposal for that,except may be you are not good looking.Abeg sin na sin,spare me with that

    • Layo

      September 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      Speak for yourself my dear, call yourself a whore. Ah Ah, why do people who partake in an act, suddenly ridicule those that don’t. Are you consoling yourself with what you are doing, with the notion that everybody does it. That is the lamest argument I have ever read. Everyone does it is the mantra of losers. Not everyone has had sex before marriage. People do things for different reasons, and don’t come here, and look down from your very narrow minded tower and say everyone does it. Your command of english, already explains the way you reason, plus your comment about the article being too long. You should read more my dear, it will broaden your mind, improve your ability to reason, enable you discuss and contribute intelligently in discussions, I can go on and on, bottom-line, it would do you a whole lot of good, not to mention improve your grammatical skills. Shior.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      September 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

      lol…..loves the comeback…


    • Chattyzee

      September 20, 2012 at 5:52 pm

      @layo … ROFLMAO…. ki lo de? Take it easy on the poor lady na? lol

  41. lol

    September 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    So if a girl is above 30 years of age,and without husband,she should keep waiting abi??thing are no longer thesame,the reason why virgins are common in the old days is because they get married so early in life,but nowaday girls or guys of 35 yrs and above are still single.And what you should know is that sex is no longer exciting after sum age in life. Sex is sweet when done with the right person,a trusted person,especially when it cold,the cuddling,kissing,fingering,you will be all wet and then you CLIMAX! Pls don’t remind me of my ex boyfriend,the dude is good,he is strong and doesn’t get tired,if you want a good sex,get a girl,with slim frame and long legs,she can be turn 360 degree !not as if been a virgin is a gateway to heaven….just joking anyway

    • Funke

      September 20, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      Since you decided to approach this discussion from the age angle, then it must be acceptable for a 9 year old to be having sex. Things are not the same these days, man has changed, but the right way hasn’t changed. The principles haven’t changed. What is wrong with being over 30 and single, is that an abomination? It is people like you that make women fell pressured. She has waited till 30, whats wrong with still waiting, and having a sexual connection, with only her husband. Is there a gauge of the amount of sex you must have in a lifetime, in order to feel fulfilled? So, you slept with your ex, because he was the right person, and also a trusted person (your words, not mine). Hmmmn, I wonder why he didn’t marry you. Will you trust the next person too, and the next person, and the next person, since you obviously trusted the boyfriends you had slept with. You should be married by now nah, you mean all those right and trusting men, none of them married you? Shock face BBM smiley

  42. Anonymous

    September 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Imagine the world without order. Imagine everyone sleeping with everyone. Imagine no laws or morals. Imagine everyone on earth being liberal. Like NEMS said above, soon INCEST will be legal once there’s enough support for it. Its all going to culminate in the self destruction of the world as we know it. Like someone said above, SIN IS SIN. But not acknowledging that we sin and need to change is the greatest delusion of all, that’s why every known sexually evil is being categorized as a human right issue. I personally know that I need salvation and go to where it is freely given, who ever says they don’t are just deceiving themselves. Like someone said, “I have seen the wise and atheist fight for for life like chickens on their death beds and seen the lowly hearted take death with great grace”. Go figure.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 5:35 am

      Sin is subjective my dear. A world without order? Like Nigeria right now?

    • khemmy

      September 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm

      I LOVE THIS!

  43. curious

    September 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    My dear NAIMA, pls get your facts right. It is stated in VARIOUS places in the bible that pre-marital sex is a sin. Christians live by the 10 commandments, the 6th commandment forbids fornication.
    Most religions abhor fornication- Christianity, Islam, judaism etc.
    It is also erroneus to think that christianity originated from europe. Christianity originated from israel and spread from there to other parts of the world. So it annoys me when people say that christianity is a Western tradition. It is not! The West just helped propagate it.
    The british were pagans ( just as we africans were) before they were converted by the romans.
    The fact is that your religion supresedes your culture. Christianity comes before my traditional beliefs especially in areas where they conflict.
    For instance, I’m an Igbo girl, in my culture, pre-marital sex is not a sin. It is generally frowned upon when an unmarried girl gets pregnant while in her father’s house. But there are instances when it is right to indulge in pre-marital sex in igboland, in families where there are no sons, a daughter of the family can have sex with men solely to get sons for her father, the child belongs to the mother’s family since her bride-price was not paid.
    However, christianity has abolished such practices.
    So Atoke, I would say that, RELIGION and not culture forbids pre-marital sex

    • NAIMA

      September 20, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      If religion indeed supercedes culture then i believe that christians should do away with all the traditional rites and ceremonies that follow one throughout life naming ceremonies, brideprice traditional engagements, burial rites (dancing around the compund etc) etc because they are ALL cultural like i said before pre-marital sex is a personal choice but those against it should not shove eligion down our throats to justify why they prefer to wait. Fornication is not premarital sex the biblical meaning of fornication is the act of sexual idolatry. A common practice in the olden days of the bible times and the early church was that men would go to the Temple of Baal and have sex with the high priestess of Baal in an act of worship to the fertility god. The man having sex with the priestess of BAAL represented the fertility of the land. This act of sexual idolatry is called FORNICATION. Look it up if you do not believe me.

    • Pendo

      September 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      If religion indeed supercedes culture then i believe that christians should do away with all the traditional rites and ceremonies that follow one throughout life naming ceremonies, brideprice traditional engagements, burial rites (dancing around the compund etc) etc because they are ALL cultural like i said before pre-marital sex is a personal choice but those against it should not shove eligion down our throats to justify why they prefer to wait. Fornication is not premarital sex the biblical meaning of fornication is the act of sexual idolatry. A common practice in the olden days of the bible times and the early church was that men would go to the Temple of Baal and have sex with the high priestess of Baal in an act of worship to the fertility god. The man having sex with the priestess of BAAL represented the fertility of the land. This act of sexual idolatry is called FORNICATION. Look it up if you do not believe me.

    • Pendo

      September 20, 2012 at 8:32 pm

      just saw this Naima is my cousin and is using my computer hence the similar comments different names:)

  44. tootsy

    September 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Obviously some pple just come up with reasons that dont fit. And who for God’s sake said sex is no longer interesting at a certain age( lies of the devil).I have a friend that is 35 years and by God’s grace she is still waiting. Why wuold you do things that you can’t even say it outside with all pride? When the Maker made all things He made it very good. Again even before our ancestors it was recorded in the bible that they had fornicators and adulters that did not make sex before marriage acceptable before God and even before man.People have their choice to do whatever God has given that choice to us. We shuold not condem odas that decide to wait. keep ur choice to ursef,let other people decide what is good for them!

  45. Kem

    September 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    I think we should ask, what is sex meant for? Procreation!!!! so if u r ready to start procreating, u can start having sex! For us Christians, the Bible should be our standard and the Bible calls it Fornication and frowns at it as well as other sins! So for me, its wrong bcos the Holy Bible says so!!!!

    • Bayo

      September 21, 2012 at 4:36 am

      Aside from procreation, it is a very powerful bonding process ,and it’s for that reason it is meant for the institution of marriage only and not for recreation…

    • Xtelle

      September 21, 2012 at 4:46 am

      Correction…sex is not meant for procreation. If sex was made for procreation, even married couples should only have sex when they are ready to procreate. Sex’s primary purpose is to create a strong bond between 2 people through intimacy.
      Even marriage is not meant for procreation…so please try that your logic again

    • happyhilly

      September 25, 2012 at 12:20 am

      Thank you

  46. Pendo

    September 20, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I usually don’t like engaging in morality/religious discussions because what may be immoral to one person may be perfectly moral to another and also i think we should make opinions on Christianity based on our understanding of the bible and not what we are told. I took it upon myself to read the entire bible this year something i had never done before i would only read scriptures given to us in church or bible study and i am amazed at what i keep finding out please read your bibles from Genesis to Revelations and make sure you understand it well. Ok on to topic i have a question girl one stays a virgin till marriage but is snobbish, mean, looks down on poor people would not be caught anywhere near beggars or leppers is selfish, arrogant basically eveything negative. Girl 2 has had sex before marriage but is kind, helpful does charity work, always lends a helping hand, stops by to greet the beggar on the street offers him food does a lot of good work both girls are christians. So who is the better person? I think the whole sex before marriage issue should be personal not restricted to societal, religious or moral codes. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory no one is better than the other we are all equal before God.

    • Love

      September 21, 2012 at 7:15 am

      @ Pendo/ NAIMA: I have read all your comments, and the very fact that you need to keep justifying your views shows that something is wrong somewhere. Satan has deceived you into believing that it’s not possible for anyone to live holy. I pray you repent before it is too late because you see in hell, there’re no unbelievers; there’re just people that believed a little too late. In eternity, we will walk by sight and not by faith. You can wait till you get to eternity to verify all your philosophies, but if I were you, I won’t take that chance. Since you’ve read the entire bible, did you not read where God said “If you love me, you will keep my commandments”, “Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only…” Please when next you read the bible, be humble enough to ask the Lord to help you understand what you’re reading.

    • i love love

      October 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

      i wish i cud hug u for dis comment u just made! its d best i av read so far..

  47. Oyin

    September 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Biblically, it’s wrong because it’s meant between husband and wife for pleasure and reproduction. But, christians and non christians still do it. I can only worry about myself. For now, I’m celibate, waiting for the right man, and hopefully wait till marriage. So team abstinence/celibacy.

  48. Chattyzee

    September 20, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Will I have sex outside marriage? No. Why not? Because I live my life based on God’s word and principles and he told me not to have sex outside marriage. Because I know he wants the best for me, I choose to obey him and trust him. So No Sex Before Marriage.

  49. lilly

    September 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    Interesting topic raised. As for me it’s more spiritual than religion and it’s more of doing the “right” thing.

  50. anonymous

    September 20, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    I AM ASEXUAL lol

  51. there are indeed more righteous pple on net than in real life!

    September 20, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I can still remember a family friend that always brag that his fiancee is a virgin…..when we finally get to see her….imoa we all agreed that,she ought be more than a virgin self

    • me o

      September 23, 2012 at 8:09 am

      I FEEL U……lmao

  52. anonymous

    September 20, 2012 at 7:18 pm


  53. Blossom

    September 20, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    So much self-righteousness on this site though :/

  54. AnonYMOUS..

    September 20, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    For me the decision to abstain is purely based on my relationship with God. For most people coming up with the argument that SIN is SIN, as much as I agree I also want to quote from the scripture that says “Shall we then continue in SIN, that grace may abound?” God Forbid. Personally, I do not keep all the laws in the bible but I try my best to do so. I try not to lie because when I do my conscience convicts me, I also try not to gossip etc. Note the keyword is TRY. I make an effort and God is always faithful which is why his ways are and can never be our ways. Our reasoning/generalizations don’t work with him. He is an ever a loving father. Like most people commented, the decision to abstain does not make you a good/righteous person. It stems from a personal connection you have with God. I remember when I had oral sex for the very first time with my boyfriend (he knew I was a Virgin), I was shattered. To me, it felt I had hurt God. I remember not being myself for about 2months and thereafter I decided that it was not worth it, I’d rather wait. For some other Christians it might be okay but then the bible says work out your own salvation. Adults and mature minds know they do things not out of trend but based on their personal choices. Again, this does not make me better than someone who has had premarital sex. I am constantly working on other aspects of my life and trying to become a better person. That said, I will not refuse a guy just because he has had premarital sex, as long as the qualities I am looking for are evident I will definitely go ahead based on God’s direction.
    Let me also mention that waiting is never easy, God knows we are flesh and blood but like someone said when you love and respect someone you will do whatever it takes to obey them and make them happy.
    Many guys these days wouldn’t date a virgin…lol. I’ve met many of them who stopped calling once I said hey, I am V; to cut the long story short, such a man isn’t just the one God is preparing for me. Cuz True love is Patient!
    Finally, to those saying Christianity is a western religion, you HAVENT experienced GOD before and I pray you do soon.
    Sorry for my long epistle. The matter pain me well well.

    • AnonYMOUS..

      September 20, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      • I should have added to the comment where I said I do not keep all the laws. First because, I do not know them all but bearing in mind that “all things are expedient but not all things are lawful”. Basically, I try to please God with my ways. Collectively we are all a work-in-progress in the sight of God. And to those saying people who flaunt their virginity status, well it depends on how you look at it. If I meet an intending boyfriend, I make it known well in advance so that the guy can make his choice and move on if he so wishes. I don’t think that is flaunting it. I believe that way I am saving both of us the stress, time, emotions and resources in a relationship that may not work eventually.

    • Olu

      September 25, 2012 at 4:02 am

      Lol…ur not the only one in this predicament…being a male virgin is frustrating…downright frustrating!!!…told about 8 girls so far(I thought they were the ONE)…the first reaction is surprise..followed by disbelief..then some will ask “are you ok”?…so I have resorted to avoiding the topic,the reason is cos nobody,especially “born-again” Christian babes actually believes a guy can keep himself for marriage, aside from that the other reason is that early on in my teenage years i had an epiphany and i reasoned that if i start having sex, i will retain all the memories…information I don’t need and frankly I can’t handle…so it’s got to be one person.

  55. omoibo

    September 20, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    I think it safe to say that we can all agree to disagree on this subject, in my opinion it’s not a matter of religion for me because it’s btw me and the infinite…. But, I can’t help but notice from the various post that there is an element/ certain tone of over-religiousness in my naija folks. Please before you crawl up my azz or jump down my throat I am only expressing my freedom of opinion :-). Does being a virgin guarantee the longevity of a marriage? Does having sex before marriage mean that one cannot have a successful & lasting marriage? Being religious doesn’t negate the need to still use common sense & logic when necessary, just saying peeps……. Abeg make I go nak apako jare, brb 😉

  56. Madge

    September 20, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    It’s all been well said.for me,it’s an individual conviction.I do indulge sometimes not because I want to but because my flesh is weak and trust me there has been no time I was happy afterwards cos it comes with the guilt feeling that God is not happy with me.I know i shouldn’t be having sex outside marriage and I’m praying and working at it boils down to one’s personal conviction,values and relationship with the end you are safer not indulging.ABSTINENCE.

  57. T

    September 20, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    When you look at abortion, AIDS, STD’s, unwanted pregnancy, emotional trauma caused by breaking up with yet another guy or girl that you gave your all to, divorce rates e.t.c, you ask yourself if premarital sex and adultery is right. I mean everyone can come here and say test the waters and all that, but common that is sick no? U can’t just go around testing every person you feel something for to see if they are they one. Soon everyone in a community would have nacked each others wives or husband once before all in the name of testing!

    My belief, just like many people have said, is that its up to the individual. Its all about what you believe in. I believe in God and read the bible and in the bible it says don’t do. Now because I am a human being, I have been tempted and have done before marriage. And the guilt ate me up cos for me, and my belief, its not right. So it has now become a battle just like lying, jealousy, lustful thinking e.t.c. And I will forever try my best to be better each day praying to God to forgive me when I slip!

  58. Sweet Steph

    September 21, 2012 at 12:39 am

    The issue here simply stems from the longstanding Hart-Devlin debate. I am a Devlinite and believe that if the moral convictions of a community deem sex outside of marriage as immoral then it should qualify for criminalization. Further, I do believe that adultery ,for example, is generally deemed as immoral by the estimation of a reasonable man/woman thus indicating that sex outside of marriage is usually frowned upon because it is offensive to the majority of people in a society—so is incest. If one was to include the issue of virginity as applying to the meaning of “sex outside of marriage”, then I feel that because society does not generally frown upon people having premarital sex, a devlinite approach would not deem it immoral and thus legal. From a Biblical viewpoint, both men and women are required not to have indulge in sexual sin, including sex before marriage as made evident by Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1-40, 1 Corinthians 6:18 and the list is endless! Thus, I believe that sex should be enjoyed in the religiously, morally and legally recognized union of a marriage. As an aside, some religious countries in the middle east criminalized sex before marriage. At the end of the day, having sex outside of marriage is a personal choice and my motto is that as long as you fit sleep for night and you’re not hurting anyone then you may do what makes you happy. No one can judge you for having sex with one who consents to it whether in or out of marriage–God is your only Judge.

  59. curious

    September 21, 2012 at 12:59 am

    My dear Naima or Pendo, pls I’d like to know what brand of bible you read. Fornication is pre-marital sex!!! I can’t believe I’m having this argument!!!
    And I think you are missing the point here, the question is ‘does christianity condemn pre-marital sex? ‘The issue is not about which sin is the greatest! Pre-marital sex is a sin, so is stealing, so is murder! They are all sins! Don’t try to justify anything. No one is saying that all virgins are saints! We all have our vices, but let’s call a spade a spade
    Religion does supercede culture my dear, that’s why igbos stopped killing twins, that’s why fetish practices including masquerades have been stopped in many parts of igboland. Traditions that conflict with religion have been abolished, but harmless practices such as naming ceremony, bride price, burials are still practiced!!!

  60. Lazioman

    September 21, 2012 at 1:18 am

    I think its more of a moral obligation than cultural.

  61. NNENNE

    September 21, 2012 at 3:24 am

    I vote for no sex outside marriage because of religion,morality,intimacy,health.
    For me it is not sex but love making and I can only love one person.That individual should be a partner in every sense and not a mere financier. He will not be my liability and vice versa.
    Btw , I also vowed to marry only once. God forbid, anything happens ( death, divorce), that will be it.
    I speak for myself. Most people are not as fortunate as I am, so they got to do whatever to survive. To all their own!

  62. NNENNE

    September 21, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Btw, am married!

  63. OmoIgbo

    September 21, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Well, honestly, I think it’s a personal decision. It can be influenced by cultural, religious, societal views but at the end of the day the decision to have sex is made by the person in question.
    I feel like waiting till marriage is the best. Reason being that people who have sex outside marriage are likely to do so with at least one person and probably marry another. And you know the human mind loves to compare everything including the sex experiences. Then the partner might have to live up to the other’s definition of sexual pleasure. And when that standard isn’t met problems might ensue.

  64. lol

    September 21, 2012 at 4:20 am

    i agree with mimi it both, but looking at our generation it more about religion dan culture no one really follow culture dis days everything has changed..i don’t know if d bible specifically says it oo but sha, but if u ask a pastor he would probably say it wrong but on d oda hand i personally believe until you get 2 dat age where u r strictly responsible for urself u shouldn’t make dis sex decision. but we all know konji is a bastard mehn!

  65. lol

    September 21, 2012 at 4:25 am

    but wait oo atoke all dis people claiming celibate abeg u should raise a topic much of a virgin r u? bcuz some people still u know go all d way without having sex sex u i don’t understand wat going on here oo everyone here da claim virgin and shit so please who are this men having sex with sigh

    • AnONYMouS

      September 21, 2012 at 9:04 am

      It just shows that there are still women who are not having sex or following the norm as you initially thought before. Besides, I believe people will only comment if they strongly believe they have a message to pass across. So maybe the non-virgins have chosen not to comment.

  66. Janet

    September 21, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Now I see why no one respects countries in Africa. You all have been sold a bag of hogwash called religion and those that sold it to you hook, line and sinker and laughing all the way to their swiss banks accounts while the have lustful passionate sex with the russian girl they picked up at the airport, who happily collects her fee (pretty hefty by the way) and goes home. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t have sex. End of story.

    • AnONYMouS

      September 21, 2012 at 9:01 am

      Who are you fighting with??? Cant you notice the pattern of the comments??? It is a choice! Biko leave matter no one is asking you to believe in God. If you want to believe fine, and if not still fine!

  67. Papa

    September 21, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Sex is the small picture, commitment is the big picture. I think commitment won’t be absolute without sexual exclusivity. We’re possessive and competitive creatures so we don’t want another person near our property, sex or no sex.

  68. feisty chic

    September 21, 2012 at 5:41 am

    @ADE please stop spewing your religiousness at people. I hope u know that not everyone lives according to the tenets of the bible or have you already condemned non-Christians to the fires of hell? anyways as to the topic, i believe having sex before marriage or not is based on your personal beliefs and the dictates of your conscience. If your conscience tells you it ok, then good luck to you but if it doesn’t then stick to your chastity until you get married. I am a christian and i believe fornication is a sin but there are some religions who believe that sexual intercourse brings a merging of the spirits and puts u a god like state. each to their own.

  69. anonymous

    September 21, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Personally for me, I choose to abstain from sex till marriage because I am a christian (Christ-like). I do not associate this decision with my religion at all but strictly with what the Bible says. But however, I do not impose my beliefs on others because not everyone shares this point of view. so it is an individual decision and the person has to weigh their options including the risks of premarital sex. For those countries and states that are or where under religious control, it might be imposed on the individuals not to have premarital sex but at the end of the day, people are given freedom of choice.

  70. Anonymousone

    September 21, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Religion and morality, never law.
    NB BN, LOL. How come I see people’s Name and email when I want to post a comment. That’s sooooo wrong. The latest is Anonymousone (not posting the email). Hope same doesn’t happen to me.

  71. Fre

    September 21, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Mistakenly posted as Anonymousone earlier. Its not nice that I can see people’s names and emails

    • Pendo

      September 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

      that happened to me too!

  72. Seun

    September 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Na wa o. Serious debacle over this issue. Religion or not, something restrains/restricts/red-flags sex before marriage.
    Whether culture, religion, values, family pride etc.

  73. Pendo

    September 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

    First of all it is not Pendo or NAIMA it is Pendo and NAIMA we are two different people who are related and using the same computer so we have to change names before posting and it messed up on the previous post. Too many self righteous people on here and for the one talking about hellfire to us who are you to judge the bible says “Do not judge lest you be judged” how do you know we are going to hell and you to heaven? Let he who has no sin cast the first stone as far as i know sin is sin whether it is big or small both na sin there are no levels for sin it is the same. We were brought up in a christian household both active in church we believe the premarital sex is not a sin infact it is not even mentioned as a sin. That is our personal opinion. I (pendo) said before and i believe my cousin did too that is our personal opinion so those who choose to abstain should not shove religion and in this case hellfire down our throats as reasons as to why we should repent/abstain we do not believe in it being a sin or whatever and fornication is sexual idolatry according to the bibilical meaning. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion respect other people’s opinion.

  74. Jamce

    September 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @Naim or Pendo, I assume that you are a Christian because you got Bible passages during messages preached in church before you decided to study the Bible for yourself. It is a commendable effort. I encourage every Christian to study the Bible and not rely entirely on others. Having said that, I must also say that studying the Bible without a deep hunger for knowledge of and relationship with God, but merely as a critic would be in vain. The Bible is the living word of God that speaks of our past present and future. The Bible speaks to us every day and in every way. Its depth cannot be imagined.
    As a Christian we must live by true word of God and not our convenient interpretation of the Bible as most charlatans are doing today. God told Joshua to meditate on and live by the “Law” every day. Joshua 1:8: “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” I must also say that there are no contradictions in the Bible as some people would want to believe. If you study the Bible carefully, with reliance on the Holy Spirit you will get proper enlightenment.
    It is true that a lot of so-called “pastors” and “men of God” are using the Scriptures to manipulate and dupe gullible people. But it is because of laziness and refusal to be broken enough to have a true relationship with God. But that does not derogate from the validity and truth of the word of God. God will judge those who call His name in vain and defraud others in His name. Please don’t forget the story of Hophni and Phinehas, the sons of Eli. See 1Samuel 2-4.
    On the subject of sex outside marriage, the word of God is clear from Genesis to Revelation. Jesus made it absolutely clear in Matthew Chapter 19 that any sexual relationship outside of marriage of one man and one woman is a sin. Sexual relationship is beyond physical pleasure and emotional connection. It is spiritual as ordained by God, it unites the parties spirit, soul and body. If you studied the Bible, the books of Leviticus and Deutoronomy contain sexual laws given by God to man. They have not been abolished and we must take them to heart and obey them even as has been broken down in the new testament. The devil is at work to draw men to hell through glorification of sex. Fornication or adultery is a form of idolatry because it feeds on images created in the mind. We worship sex whenever we succumb to its pressure against the word of God. Let us not take the word of God in vain. Shalom.

    • iCROSSmyHeart

      September 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      Why cant you argue your position without quoting bible? Is there a passage in the bible that states you should not use INTERNET? I am sure you are wearing multiple fabrics of clothing? Are you not sinning? Some Christians will argue that your perusing Bellanaija is a SIN and trust me they will quote bible verses. Cant you argue your case logically and rationally? Must the bible and your pastor think and speak for you? My God!

      I am sure you are educated. So do you quote bible verses to answer exam questions? This topic is about moral, culture, and religion. Religion does not mean CHRISTIANITY. Religion encompasses all faiths including TRADITIONALIST BELIEFS. I am sure you will say, but I am Christian. GOOD. But not all people are so that is why you should use your opinions and not use the bible that many people are not familiar with because of their religious backgrounds to argue your case. My God! If Nigerians used as much energy in developing that country as they do MEMORIZING (and not necessarily LITERALLY LIVING) the bible, that country WILL BE A SUPERPOWER by now.

    • Pendo

      September 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

      Bless your heart for this reply! We are done with this topic we know who we are and what we stand for our beliefs are our own and we do not impose them on anyone. Pendo AND Naima

    • Blessmyheart

      September 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm

      I just had to reply to this, I’ve never had to post a comment on Bellanaija before. Listen, iCROSSmyheart, there are people who have recognised Jesus as their personal Saviour and the Bible as God’s Word for their lives. Its not about being brainwashed, its about having experienced the peace, joy, love and so much more I can’t even talk about that comes with having a personal reltionship with God. When we read the Bible, we do not read or study in order to make arguments but, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to be able to know what God’s will for us at each time is. I would use the Bible in this case because I KNOW it is God’s instruction for me, most especially when it comes to topics like this. And yes, I would also recall the Word of God when I’m in the exam hall(that tells me success is guaranteed, I will recall all I’ve read, I have favour with the examiner,etc). As regards, pre-marital sex, I know what the Bible says about it and I’m trusting that by the grace of God, I will not engage in it. Am i a saint? definitely not but I have the righteousness of God and I also have an advocate in Jesus Christ. All I have to do is to keep trusting in his grace to see me through. Finally, being christ-like is not a religion but a relationship. You can’t understand until you’ve tried it and trust me, you will never want to go back.

    • Observer

      September 21, 2012 at 7:23 pm

      You know icrossmyheart, I have had enough of your childish arguments. If I call myself a Christian, it has become a part of me, and I cannot separate the holy Scriptures from who I am. It is like fire shut up in my bones. The yorubas when they speak use a lot of Yoruba idioms and proverbs because it is part of their identity, why can’t a Christian speak using phrases and idioms from the Bible? Remain staunchly in your love for traditional beliefs and humanism, but please let Christians be! Enough is enough of this rudeness!

    • chichi

      September 30, 2012 at 1:30 am

      @ iCROSSmyheart..ok i dont know where to start from…Believe me you brought up some excellent points..a lot of things you wrote about religion today and pastors i totally agree with…You come across as a smart, intellectual person who loves to know “why” all the time and that is great…My problem with you is first of all, you are not as open minded as you want ppl to believe.. you have ppl here who comment and talk about their faith and why they wont have sex before criticize them and make them feel stupid for quoting the the open minded person that you are and as someone who has all these questions that she needs answers too or should i call you a researcher,i thought you would be willing to hear what everyone has to say, pick up a few things and move along…Now, my two cents totally agree with you on the pastor far as im concerned a lot of them brainwash ppl, are only interested in making money off the lowly ones in nigeria, fly privates jets and stuff..some even have security ppl dont sit and ask themselves how jesus conducted himself while on earth..jesus could have had whatever he wanted while on earth but he lived a very lowly life and the bible says he was my number one rule is this..if you call yourself a minister of God and you have a body guard then trust me there is something wrong there…Is religion one of the reasons why our world is so messed up?? totally, because ppl have committed all sorts of atrocities in the name of have bishops, popes, pastors or whatever that bless soldiers to go fight or go to war while the bible they carry says “do not fight or go to war” have religious leaders who get involved in politics even when jesus said “my kingdom is no part of this world”…Like you said, ppl are so blind its unbelievable…a pastor will perform one miracle and everyone starts flocking the church without asking if this is real and if it is what is the source of his power?? because the Jesus also said “MANY will perform miracles in my name but i will deny them”…so yes once again a lot of us are blind…However, i respect the bible very much and i tell you that if we all REALLY follow or apply what that book says..we will all be happy…i do not agree with you that marriage is a social construct or whatever you call it..if you said weddings, then i agree but not marriage…true, marriage might be defined today a social union, but it is also a contract signed before God which makes it a “sacred” it is not just a casual thing between a man and a woman or whatever rubbish society says it is..its more than that and you owe it to your spouse and to God to make it..You asked why ppl divorce or walk out on their marriage??..Duh, because a lot of ppl dont take it seriously..when you have ppl like you who say it is just a social thingy, how do you expect it to work?? you have ppl who say it is just a piece of paper and think they can do whatever they like..You asked the question like if God made this institution called marriage then all marriages should work…it really should but the problem is ppl are too lazy to save their marriage and are not willing to work..secondly, we are not perfect..But the bible also says that the only ground for divorce is adultery..just to show you how serious adultery and fornication is..i will not quote all the scriptures about marriage..oh, you mentioned adam and eve..well guess what, the bible says eve was the woman made for adam and they belonged together just like husbands and wives belong together today..unless of course you were expecting the bible to say that a wedding took place before you believe it was a marriage.. i wonder who would have attended anyway..whether you like it or not it was a marriage and God started this institution called marriage..As for ppl arguing about customs and weddings and sorry but that makes no sense..God is not against cultures and stuff but if your custom on weddings conflicts with God’s principle, then there is a problem..for example, if they have to bedhead a human being for a princess to get married or something..yeah, then we have a problem…Other than that, im pretty sure what God cares about is that it lasts..i do not believe what some girl above said about africans…because that is not God’s eyes we are all equal..You say you love God so dont you think you owe it to him to pick up his book the bible and READ it..You will learn a lot…in the future, please do not be haste in disregarding what the bible says..the fact that ppl quote the bible doesnt mean that they are stupid, dont read other books or are not as open minded as you are..mehn, my comment is getting too long..Even things that scientist fought about has been in the bible all these years..For example, there was this huge argument among the so called wise ppl of the world about the earth being flat until they finally discovered it was round..voila, its been in the bible all along in job that the earth is round and hanging on nothing…This is just one pick it up and may be u will learn a thing or two…as for nigerians forcing marriage on ppl..that is not God’s fault..but society’s problem because even the bible says that God loves single ppl and they can do more in his service with less distractions..once again “read the bible”..As for sex, you are right, it is your body and God has given us all these commandments and has also given us free will or a choice but then we will all answer to him one day..Basically all these depends on how you view God’s commandments..Do you view them as burdensome or do you believe that God loves you and that his commandments are for your own benefit?. I know his laws are good for me cos i have friends who have had sex outside of marriage and are smelling it you are right, it is my body and because i have RESPECT for my body, only my husband will see my nakedness and no one can tell me otherwise….My parents have been married for twenty fours years and they are my mentor when it comes to marriage..they have never had to go marriage counseling in this confused world…all they do is strictly follow what the bible says on how husbands and wives should treat each other and really how people should treat one another and their marriage is wonderful..i even get jealous watching them…The bible is a book filled with precious gems. I am also educated but i know that there is more wisdom in the bible than what this world has to offer even though you are right that some twist what the bible says for their own selfish interest.So please pick one, sit ur butt down and READ.. take care

    • chichi

      September 30, 2012 at 1:38 am

      yep, forgive all typos cos i have tons..i was in a

  75. Traditionalbay

    September 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Sex before marriage is a sin! Is that difficult to understand?
    Ladies and girls should learn from ALL the arguments above. They have much to loose and God will surely judge EVERY act of SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!
    From sleeping over at his place… Straight to church service on Sunday!
    It’s easier during the week, because you have more time to say GOD FORGIVE ME!
    He knows your favourite style in bed even though your parents have not set eyes on the request for your hand in marriage!
    You have even gone to the extent of joining him to kill an innocent human being; you called her… Probably the first fruit of your womb… An unwanted pregnancy!
    If she was unwanted, what were you doing … Sleeping with a man?
    You are reliant on the best if family planning… Afterall He will marry you someday!
    1 orgasm per day… That’s if you are even lucky to get that.. And the One who holds your breath watches patiently!
    You are not married, but you daily defile the temple of the Lord! Yes, there is mercy!!!
    But, you don’t know when you have used up your allocated measure!
    The Bible says FLEE!
    He that is chastised and harden up his neck shall suddenly be destroyed and that, without remedy!!! Proverbs 29:1

  76. oyin

    September 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    @ Traditionalbay

    Thank you. It’s not that hard to understand. It’s as simple as 1 + 1= 2, but you know we human beings like to justify what we do. We like to make too many excuses for something that is so clear and not that hard to understand.
    The reality is, many people who claim to be christians couldn’t care less what the Bible says. We all sin, fall short but don’t continue to do it or act like it’s okay. I’m not a virgin but now I’m celibate, and I pray to continue till my wedding. I don’t expect everybody to be virgins neither does God expect us to be perfect but DO NOT FOOL GOD. He says, repent, ask for forgiveness and turn away from that sin. He didn’t say continue to do it. And, the good thing is we can always ask for forgiveness.
    And for those, who are sexually active, make sure you protect yourselves.

  77. Evilicious

    September 21, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Sex before marriage is a Sin, period! If you no wan hold yourself, na you Sabi. Stop looking for cultures, “religion” or what the world thinks to justify your act. It was created by God for married people, take it or leave it, His word will never change. Next topic please!

  78. Hmmmm

    September 22, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Okay, I know I’m a sinner and all but currently celibate because I choose to. But wat battles me the most is that everyone is claiming to be a virgin and that they don’t have sex. Really? Wow, we and our pretentious and overly righteous behavior. I guess we have just a few sinners in the building. God is watching you all. Mtcheeww.

    • whitney

      October 5, 2012 at 12:13 am

      *long hiss* are u minding them…virging that have been fingered and done all he shit u can think of…
      a sin is a sin…kisssing b4 marrigae and sex b4 marriage equal fornication…equal boos….
      so if u are in support of no sex b4 marriage…u better nt be makign out or thnking about kissing or sex…cus guess what…in Gods eyes…all na sin

  79. Ash

    September 22, 2012 at 8:49 am

    The issue of sex before marriage especially in African countries is much more down to mentality than even religion. My grand father for instance was an animist; he believed in the forces of nature as did most people of his time yet he sent my uncle packing when he was caught having sex with a neighbour’s daughter. Moreover, People should stop assuming that every ‘religious’ person is a Christian.. There’s more religions in the world than most of us can imagine. What works for some people might not work for you.

  80. Jamie

    September 22, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Bravo to all faithful Christians who takes a stand in defence of the faith and the word of God. To all as Christians and humans, we do not claim to be perfect or within sin. But we would not compromise the truth and standard of the word of God. We make reference to and quote the Bible because it our CONSTITUTION, our Way of Life and the only STANDARD by which we must judge and live our lives. As Paul the Apostle has written in Philippians 3:12-19

    “12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. 16 Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind. 17 Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern. 18 For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: 19 whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.”

  81. Jamie

    September 22, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    *without sin*

  82. jay

    September 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    The word of God will never ever change,come 10,000 yrs from now. Fornication is a sin,look at the consequences,so many of them. Last week,a friend of mine got in trouble with her friend’s family just bcos she introduced the friend to a guy she thot was a nice guy. The nice guy got her friend and pregnant and refused to come see the girl at the hospital or even see the parents he was addressed as in-laws, when she gave me the gist i said,well the word of God would never change no matter how modernised we become…..His word is for our our guide and less stress on earth so u dont get caught up in deep shit. Anyway,i am guilty of this too*smh* cos i fall and rise as soon as I am down.
    God help us.
    I know of another girl who used to come her see her bf,a decent young man who she didn’t know had been infected. Well,the guy was on anti retrovirals so you would never know. When she was down,my guy ran away. He never came to see her till she couldn’t walk properly and died. The first child of a family,the guy killed the hope of that family. Very beautiful young woman.
    Moral of the two stories: Sinning is sweet,its nice to hide and do stuff when no one can see but when the results come out,they are disastrous. This guy is still out there,Girls u don’t how many of his type are out there. God’s instructions are for us to enjoy life on earth and not for Him biko. Konji is a bastard*cantwatch*


  83. khemmy

    September 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Hmmmmm, looking at all the arguements given above, i can only comment from personal experience…Sex before marriage is a sin as stated by God, who owns my life, last time i checked, i didnt create myself, though i could have argued that i had a birth Dad, but can my birth dad give me life, should i slump just now? but God can, and He will. Knowing that, is it too much to ask if He tells me to keep myself for him? afterall, who stands to benefit? Not Him, am certain. I cant tell my dad am having Sex, because i know he will beat my ears off, yet because i feel God is invisible, i feel i can do as i like? to be candid, all those who have had sex including me, regrets it soooo much, though we might not let on that we do. i wish i have kept myself pure, because, all the heartache, D & C, STD , and carnal knowledge i got are certainly not worth it. But still , Grace abounded for me, God pulled me back to Him and knowing that, why would i want to hurt him again? Truth is, sex before marriage is totally totally wrong, many people who indulge in it, myself previously included, did so out of personal choice, it is spiritually ,morally , religiously and whatever -ily wrong as the conequences far outweigh the benefits…..that is just my two cents though. we all seem to love the forbidden fruit simply because it is forbidden, tell your children the honest truth,all the consequences involved and see the difference.

  84. Andrea

    September 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Man came to be by one means or the other, now I’d depends on which u believe but I’m sure everyone believes in one and majority believe in the religious and spiritual rather than the scientific. This means we believe in the existence of a higher and divine power which is God. His son wlked among us long ago and carried His message but that period is gone. Now He speaks to us through those He has appointed and these use His words as in the Holy scripture. God cannot come down but He has give us his word to be our guide and in dat word it is said dat fornication and adultery are sins. To believe in Him is to accept all He says no matter how difficult it may be. He understands that as humans we may fall but the most important thing is to pick ourselves up but that doesn’t mean that he accepts sex before marriage. I think your opinion about this matter is based on your personal relationship with your God . Some may argue that you need to make sure you are sexually compartible but the truth is if everyone who believed it in the first place abstained from premarital sex there won’t be situations where you discover you cannot satisfy yourselves cuz the more you try it out and sleep with people, the more your sexual urge and libido increases and you become more difficult to satisfy. Finally like some have said I believe that sex brings a bond between you and your partner and what joy it is if you get to share your first moments with the one you love and spend the rest of your life with

  85. TT

    September 25, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Observer…….Hmmm ….. Let us imagine the scenario where there is a community comprising of 15 guys and 15 ladies…… if we agree that it’s right (morally) to practice premarital sex…ehn….hope you know that all the 15guys would have have carnal knowledge of the 15 ladies…….then try and envision yourself being 1 of the guys who have to choose among the 15 girls who to marry……… will you feel knowing that 14 other guys has known your wife in the worldly way…….will you be delighted, excited, annoyed, ……fix whatever adjective that will define your state of mind……. That’s that for moral perspective of premarital sex…………. Let’s now assume that after marriage, you now found that you’re still not satisfied sexually,(remember you’re still that one guy that selected one out of the 15 girls your 14 friends had known intimately) you now decided to pick one out of the 14 girls (who might/might not have married one out of your 14 friends) to satisfy your sexual urge. What will your friend the husband/husband to be feel? what will be his action, reaction, decision or imagination? If he decides to kill you/you decide to kill him in order to gain full custody of his woman, will it be counted to him/you as a crime or will it be overlooked as ONE OF THOSE THINGS? That’s the legal part of it….. In the garden of Eden when God 1st created Adam……. was it recorded anywhere that God created help mate(s) or mate? Can any man be wiser than God? After the couple ate the fruit from the tree of life (BEHIND GOD……. WITHOUT GOD’S CONSENT) where they not sent out of the their abode…. don’t that signifies that it’s improper? My point it is legally, morally, culturally and religiously wrong to practice the act outside of marriage the consequences are so vast and it brings about different criminal cases we see or hear..

    • Damie

      September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

      Ok. This your analogy is quite warped. You have assumed that all 15 males and females have had “carnal” knowledge of each other, right? So why is it the man that gets to be “annoyed” that his wife has had sex with 14 other men (supposedly his friends in your analogy) when she knows fully well too that he (the husband) has had sex with 14 other women (whom we can suppose are her friends too)
      Also, jealousy and violence are not necessarily tied to sex. If both parties are virgins, it does not stop them from being either jealous or violent. If you read a lot, you would realise that crimes of passion (jealousy and violence) can be set off by even the simplest of things such as a handshake or an insane desire to possess. It has nothing to do with whether or not they have sex.
      Before christianity/islam were created there had been many religions and there are many more religions as well as variants of the two. Our ancestors (white, black, whatever) have always had sex within or without the confines of marriage. If as you say, sex is JUST for procreation, then there is no need to get married as procreation is nit dependent on the institution of marriage.
      I also don’t get why people call sex a “defilement” of the body. How does having sex make one dirty?
      Atoke, I am sure you have seen just how hypocritical Nigerians can be. I wonder how the other writer feels?

    • Chairman

      October 5, 2012 at 1:34 am

      My brother/sister this is happening everyday in yankee. Some say it’s actually good so the person has a better idea of who they are, and what they want in a partner.

  86. Jamce

    September 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    @TT, your analogy is simply brilliant. God bless your soul. Those who think they know more than God should think twice.

  87. Hadassah

    September 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Sex outside marriage is more religious than cultural. But i advise true Christians to be more spiritual than religious if they intend making heaven.
    Apart from religion, sex before marriage complicates things most times, a lot of ladies have gotten married because they got pregnant during their “trial and error” relationships. Some are single moms out of lack of choice. If these ladies had abstained from sex they won’t be in the mess they’re in today. Sex outside marriage brings regrets, do you know many girls have aborted unwanted pregnancies each day? and I am sure they regret opening their legs, well some have done it to a point where by now they don’t even see anything wrong with it anymore. what of heartbreaks that could have been avoided? most times after we ladies have sex with a guy we automatically assume he is our boyfriend. not knowing the guy was only shagging for fun, then they say “he broke my heart, I will never love again” but Love aint sex baby… lol
    I am not claiming ms “goody goody” or holier than thou cos I have been having sex outside marriage and it hasn’t brought me any good, so I just thought to let you guys know. Thumbs Up to the virgins, una try, God give you strength and grace to wait for that Man he has ordained for you. Amen.

  88. someone

    September 27, 2012 at 4:32 pm


  89. chemmy

    September 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Many people gave reasons why they supported premarital sex; all these are mere excuses and do not have scriptural backing. your body belongs to God. Awake to righteousness and do not sin. Many have allowed satan to make them believe its right to have sex because they would eventually get married and to make them think everyone is doing it. why should you have sex with a person you are not married to? forget about your choice or decision, didnt you create yourself? who made you lady beautiful with nice figure? who created you brother with handsomeness and 6pack figure? why do u wanna ruin that body that God took him time to create and make, all in the name of few minutes pleasure? if you had a choice or decision, you would have choose to come in the shape of an alien or animal. God ordained sex to be between a man and his wife, any environment other than marriage is wrong. if you are having sex before marriage, you are robbing your future spouse of what belongs to him or her. you say you wanna test run it before u marry her, why rush? what you will eat and tire sef inside marriage, ask those that are married if na everyday dey have sex. wait until you are married then sex becomes right. Infact God smiles down on you when you are together with your spouse. If you are still a virgin, i congratulate u. if you have lost it, don’t continue in that direction. stop! wait until you are married and you will have God smile down on you. Its so great if you obey.
    He that obeys my laws and commandment is wise. Leviticus 11:44, 1 cor 6:13,18; 7:12; 10:8, Galatians 5:19, Eph 5:3; colossians 3:5; 1 Thess 4:3-5; Hebrews 12:16,;13:4

  90. ini

    September 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Looks like virginity was on sale through out the long comments!

    Girl saying she is a VIRGIN….Boy follows right after to say ‘ME TOO!!’! Get married already. Staying a virgin should be between you, God and your man. All these advertisement for husband/wife in the name of virgin here is not the way….well, God is watching you all on HD. My 2 cents.

  91. Miz Imani

    September 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    A while back, we had this conversation on BellaNaija and a lot of ppl were more open and honest with their opinions. Now it seems we are ALL virgins…

    Jokes aside it seems we Christians have forgotten the main reason why we were called. It’s by His grace and the only way we can distinguish ourselves is by our love, unconditional love and not by abstaining from sex or anything. All these trappings are all vanity when there is no love. We are not in any place or position to condemn anyone, we are not better as it is ONLY the Holy Spirit that makes us better people and not by our power.

    My two cents is, Love God and Love your neighbor and you won’t be at a loss on what to do on issues like this….stop these sanctimonious bleating and let your words win souls for Christ instead of judging them.

    I realize I may have judged some people here and for that I apologise…..

  92. Miz Imani

    September 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    ….after all, my sexual life should be kept private and not be anyone’s business! So can the advertisement of virginity and no virginity be reduced?……looooool

  93. chichi

    September 29, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    haha over 160 is indeed a hot topic

  94. Danny K

    October 1, 2012 at 2:42 am

    ……..I read all the comments and ask.

    So if premarital sex is not the way to go, what about premarital KISSING?

    Talk about break one rule and break all. Trust me, being a follower of christ is not just a two cent thing. I know alot would say ”Premarital sex is bad and bla”…but please can you also make sure you are not making out.

    Now that’s probably a difficult thing for 90% .

    My point….I do not think it’s religion again (because you break one, you break all) to most. I also do not think it’s culture too (because culture does not permit alot that we do in the ”21st centuary” ” …..

    I think it’s more of Moral, what value one has placed on ”sex” and a lot more.

    I’d love to type a bit more, but typing isn’t the best thing i like to do.


  95. Jamce

    October 1, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    @chichi, God bless you for your “long” but very instructive comment. More of your kind with the grace of truth from the Almighty God.

  96. Saintme

    October 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    The purpose of life is to experience, as much as possible, its various pleasures. Morality is just the sentiment of unenlightened minds bigoted with religious ignorance. Therefore, what is, is. What will be, will be.

  97. whitney

    October 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    ok ok…i hae read d article..the comments no!!!
    I do not think sex before marriage is all that bad, the problem i have is keeping down the numbers of guys or girls u have being with to a minimum.
    if i got into a relationship @ 18 and decided to have sex with him thinking he was d one and then we broke up
    the odds of me having sex wit my next boyfriend is 90%
    one u start you can’t really control it.
    that being said i think trying to hold being a virgin for as long as possible is advisale, i am a xtain but honestly.. if u aren’t physically attracted to somebody u are with and the sex isn’t good.
    u are literally screwed and all that bullshit about ohhh if u are a virgn and u wait u will not be able to compare
    na lie!! if u aren’t getting sum in a good way u wil be frustrated.
    ok my point is sex b4 marriage, religion wise…is a no no
    but if u do….girls dont be a slut…get friends with benefits so on ur wedding day ud be able to count on one palm d nume rof men u have been with
    n yeah am 21 and a girl…

  98. tosyne

    October 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm many of the professing christian that favoured that debate..its a pity…we need to stand to the not a matter of a personal believe for professing christians. We need to also know that it is beyond physical intimacy,its spiritual..its a bond.

  99. Jamce

    October 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    @ Damie, sex outside marriage brings “spiritual defilement” to a person. This can only be understood by those who understand spiritual principles. The truth is that there are demons of sexual immorality orchestrating all forms of sexual perversions so that God can turn his back on people who succumb to and practice such perversions. You may want to see what happened in the book of Numbers 25. In summary, when God did not allow Balam to curse the people of Israel as requested by Balak the Midianite king, Balam counseled Balak to send their women to entice the Israelites to sleep with them and worship their gods. Balam knew the spiritual implication that God would turn His back on the Israelites who defiled themselves through sexual immorality. Of course God was truly angry with the Israelites. These Biblical accounts are given to guide us. You may wish to go to any “spiritualist” or occultist to ask if you so desire, they will tell you. This is why satan has invested so much in promoting sexual immorality because it has become his strongest weapon to lure mankind from the love and protection of God.

  100. Renny

    October 9, 2012 at 2:11 am

    I personally think it’s all up to! All that religion stuff is never personally applied to people. They are just doing it for the sake of soceity. Premarital sex is a personal decision!

  101. NA TODAY???

    October 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    BN HOT TOPIC…this is not hot topic o, it’s SIZZLING, SPICY TOPIC!!!
    I am a Christian. The Word of God is my guide. This doesn’t make me perfect in any wise but bottom line, I fear God with Holy reverence because His ways are past finding out. He can decide, do and undo and I sooo don’t want to see His “red eye”, meaning I don’t want to wait to find out the consequences of my disobedience!
    Sometimes, I ask myself, “What if there’s no God?” But all these wonders (even our ability to reason and speak) will not allow me dwell on that topic for too long!
    We all have a conscience and His word says if our conscience doesn’t condemn us, then we’re guiltless because . But can we honestly know what is “right” and not do it and our conscience won’t condemn us? Meaning, whether we believe in God Almighty or in some other deities, we do believe in something and we have principles that that guide and guard us. Else, if we’re walking up a street and see someone dressed in a way we don’t like we can just undress the person and walk away and the person is also free to give us the beating of our lives and everybody will walk by whistling!
    “Laws” are not meant to frighten or bind but to liberate us; for our ultimate good. I agree with the person that said God doesn’t lose or benefit from us obeying or disobeying any of these laws; it’s purely an act of love. Why did your parents teach you not to steal/kill? If you grew up and decided to do otherwise, they can only mourn if/when decide to do otherwise. They don’t share in any of your discomfort in prison.
    “God has spoken once and twice have I heard…” Whatever, we define fornication to mean – evil, sin, ungodly, idol worship etc, we KNOW the TRUTH and let our conscience judge.
    For the record: Please can we as reasoning adults remember always that 1: we’re adults and 2: we’re reasoning, therefore there’s no point for name-calling? We all have different backgrounds and should always respect that.

  102. Anna

    October 11, 2012 at 12:45 am

    Congratulations for the article.
    I think the problem is not only about having sex outside marriage, the problem is about lying or hiding it. If you know your partner trusts you and he /she thinks you are faithful then is morally wrong what you are doing. This morality doesn’t necessarily come from religion, you can be atheist and have at the same time a strict moral concerning all the issues related to what’s good and bad. It’s a socio-cultural issue, to my opinion. Of course, it is not and should’nt be related to law!

  103. beauty805

    October 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Sex b4 marriage is a sin yes bt hw many of us adhere to dat. Anyways a diff topic nau,I think we Christians r confused @tyms cos of so many church doctrines unlike d muslims. If I may ask,wat was king solomon doing wit so many wives in d bible plus his concubines(isn’t dat adultery?) Yet God made him d wisest man nd even blessed him. Bt today we preach one man one wife. I keep wondering,I knw my question is abstract bt am just curious. Bk to d topic premarital sex is a sin biblically , oda sins r also egual to forniction for pple who tink fornication is d highest sin.

  104. aleesha

    October 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    interesting topic! well, sex outside of marriage, whether premarital sex or adultery does have religious and cultural sanctions against it, and I’m sure there are reasons why.
    sex is the wellspring of human life, as well as a means through which husband and wife bond. if we treat it merely as a recreational activity, then we would ultimately be hurting ourselves. even if one isn’t particularly religious think about the myriad issues that arise: abortions and its attendant consequences, the hurt that infidelity causes amongst other things. also, sex outside of marriage has a way of really hurting women deeply. you may may use all the contraceptives and protection possible to avoid pregnancy, and abort the ones that result despite all precautions, but at the end of the day, when that relationship doesn’t work out, one does tend to feel cheated. I’ve never heard a girl say ‘ i regret not sleeping with that guy’ you don’t have to be ‘born again’ to want to avoid feeling used in a relationship

  105. Jatropha

    October 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Should a man control his morals or have his moral predicates control him?If you get the answer right,the subject matter would have been made easy. The Definition of moral is very relative and swings to whichever direction you are comfortable

  106. chique

    November 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    observer you’ve said it all.

  107. jumy

    November 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    I must say engaging in sexual intercourse is a personal thing. For Spiritual reasons, many abstain from it even in marriage. A huge number of women ceased sex activities after the purpose for which they did, childbearing. How do you explain a woman not wanting to sleep with her spouse because of numerous church activities? Sexual experience between couples should be of mutual interest hence a marriage get shaky. Keeping oneself before marriage is a fantastic idea, it saves you a lot of thinking about STDs and pregnancy. When you’re in, you can’t tell if your husband is below the “average” expectation. It’s bliss not to know and keep it that way except your spouse is loving enough to teach you. I read a book, The Sex Myth by Brooke Magnanti. Highly Critiqued literature but deeply explains human sexual experience. I don’t like the idea of experimenting with several genitals in the society, it has nothing to do with what my forefathers percieved nor what my religion teaches, it’s for my own good.

  108. DEE

    December 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm


  109. Scorecard

    December 7, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    May I categorically say that sex before marriage, as sinful as it may seems, appear to be a bonding force that make most relationship to work. First and foremost, I share the sentiment based on religion that sex outside marriage is wrong. I mean wrong in a classical sense of the word.

    However, I will like to share my experience. I have had two girlfriends who were both virgins when we were dating (dated one at a time). I never slept with either of them. I was living abroad and the chick was in Naija, so possibility of thinking about sex was even out of the question. I was so much in love and wanted to marry. In spite of everything I did, playing good boy and all, yet they broke my heart. It was like the world has come to an end. I preached no sex. I was very nice and kind. I often travel to Nigeria with gifts and all. I played the role of Mr Nice very well but it failed.

    Meanwhile, majority of my friends are married. They all slept with their wives before marriage. They will often tell me the chicks won’t leave once sex bond is attached. Whether sex keeps them together or not, all I know is that everyone around me slept with their wives before marriage and it works fine for them. They are all happily married now. I am still here single playing Mr Nice.

    Although I am not prepared to compromise now but it appears sex before marriage plays a major role. That’s just the reality of life.

    • aduke

      January 14, 2013 at 5:56 am

      Hi may I ask what religion u belong to, because not everyday do u come accross people who actually practice what their religion teaches, am sure it must ve really hurt to be let down by those ladies but never let that deter you because no matter what, what is right is right and what is wrong is definately wrong.

  110. jumy

    February 6, 2013 at 1:38 am

    @scorecard, you don’t need to worry about what happened in the past about your virgin girlfriends. you can still find a good woman who shares your beliefs. Prayer is the key.

  111. victor

    March 17, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    most people who are very good in bed dont make faithful partners…..verify my postion with any guy/girl who is good at sex.

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