Connect with us



BN Hot Topic: “I’m Tired! I Don’t Want to Do Again” Is There A Good Way to Break Up?



There are no guarantees in life. Absolutely NONE, so as much as possible I like to encourage people to be as happy as they can. I mean, life is too short to be unhappy or even stay in an unhappy relationship!

Yeah, that’s where I was actually going. I just wanted to appear really serious in the first two lines of this piece*chuckles*.  So let me give you guys the gist.  I was having drinks a few weeks ago with my friends and the issue of relationships  came up.  My friend had told his girl friend of 2 years that he needed some space. Truly, the babe gave him the space he needed. They weren’t seeing each other and they were just sending each other messages every now and again. Nothing intense, or serious so dude assumed he’d been let off the hook.  At this point, I sipped my really intoxicating Long Island and smiled… “Femi! You’re a bad person. Why didn’t you just tell her you wanted to break up! How hard is that?”

I was about to launch into a tirade on how he was a coward and couldn’t face his situation like a man and just tell his girlfriend that it just wasn’t working out any more.  Then, I remembered he’d actually tried about 8 months before that. The babe sent people to talk to him. How she loved him, how she was going to change, how nobody was perfect and *cough* how they were meant to be together.  They got back together after that and my poor friend had just been suffering in silence.  Res Ipsa Loquitor. My question answered itself.

Is there really a good way to break up with someone? There are some relationships that start out as just  “having a good time” sarewa. Usually, one person gets to the end of the “good time” before the other person and then the whole trying to extricate yourself from the “situation” becomes untidy and messy, complete with name callings, hurling of eggs and smashing of windshields!

Someone argued that some of those ‘good time’ relationships have potentials, if you’re patient enough. For some others, they say they’re just sitting it through.

So how do you break up with a person when you feel you’re being stifled? Is there really a GOOD way to say you’d like to move on. I was going to say nobody uses Dear John’s any more and then I remembered my friend whose fiance broke off their engagement via an email. Some people say they’ve managed to remain chum buds with their exes! I guess the break up wasn’t brutal or maybe one person is still lying to her/himself.

Let’s talk! What’s the worst way you’ve ever been dumped? What’s the worst way you’ve ever dumped someone? Do you subscribe to the idea of openly saying “Babe! I’m tired. Let’s give it a rest” Or are you like my friend, Jide, who says “I’ll just keep behaving like a jerk till she gets the message and moves on!”


 Photo credit:

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Dr. Dayo

    November 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Whether you you are frank about it or stylishly wriigle your way out, most times there is still some enemity from the dumped party. I just believe in being civil, see the person and tell them your decision. Breakups via sms, email etc show either cowardice or plain contempt. NO relationship is by force and everyone has a right to opt out of one.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      I was once broken up with via text msg by a useless mo-fo. An argument lingered and he text me back to say we should break up. I was like “Nigga, whaaaaa???”… before then, I had an earlier relationship where a guy I was dating suddenly reduced his calls, texts etc in proportion to my growing sense of alarm until he cut me off completely. Probably his way of saying he wanted space.

      Without justifying it, I see how that sense of enmity may arise on the part of the dumpee if he/she get’s the break-up where the other party “stylishly wriggled out”. Being frank in a face-to-face conversation remains the best way to at least give party no. 2 all the information they need to move on and maybe get some form of closure.

    • Dr Dayo's Karma

      November 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      Dr Dayo, I’m shocked that you’d leave the last comment seeing as you are a serial dater who dumps girls for no reason at all. I know your story very well and Karma is already stalking you I case you haven’t realised. BTW, I’m not one of your ladies, I just happen to know a good number of them so fix up before you start talking about cowardice. This single word is enough for you if you have any iota of wisdom!

    • Tiki

      December 3, 2012 at 11:06 am

      loooool. And thus doth yawa gas…

    • DocDee of Badoo

      November 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

      Excuse you, I beg your pardon! The “dumper” in most cases are the ones that draw the line of enmity just to be sure they are as far from the person as possible for whatever hideous reason or reasons and out of spite. Speak only if you’ve been there, pro!

    • Ms.jen

      November 30, 2012 at 6:20 pm

      #Word Dayo.. i love this

  2. Ginika

    November 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    You are guaranteed to die!

    • Ready

      November 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm

      Lol. Debbie Downer!

  3. JEZ

    November 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I dated someone i thought i was friends with, everything was good but after a month i noticed that our conversation became awkward. He started giving excuses but kept assuring me he loved me and appreciate how i understands his situation then i said something silly he picked offense and said he needed some time alone. That was all he said and never called or reply my messages up till today. I felt sad because we were friends to start with and to think he wasn’t man enough to tell me it was over was what made it more sad for me. Maybe i thought highly of him but thank God he showed me who he really was, no body will like to put up with that.

  4. Audrey

    November 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Tell Jide,that like many other men out there,he is a MONSTER! That’s a terrible way to break up with anyone especcially women considering that we like to fix things and so when the boyfriend starts misbehaving we stay on to try to work things out. The best way,be upfront! You’d be doing the person a huge favour. Being tortured emotionally is painful as hell! I’ve been there so i know. Consider this; taking of a plaster slowly from a wound and removing it sharply at once,which one hurts the most?

  5. Funmie

    November 29, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I broke up with a dude via text once… lesson learnt, never leave a trace .

    Peoples, you dont do stuff like this via text, emails , letter… No No NO (well, except there are no other choices, like LDR sha… even LDR gan, i would wait)

    this kind thing na face to face… yes, swallow ur pride, carry ur face off the floor and say it clearly… then pull out the “its not you, its me’ card.

  6. pepe

    November 29, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    hmm..well i broke up with my ex because he started displaying some really hard -to -ignore attitudes.. i knew i had to leave because i just couldn’t tolerate them. After the break up,he stopped talking to me. I mean if we run into each other, I’m always the one saying hi and he gives me this cold attitude. His friends still talk to me though and some still beg me to come back to him. i kind of feel bad about everything but i know i did the right thing and i don’t regret it.

    • cynthia

      November 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      That is exactly my case too cold attitude and serious ignorance..To make it worse it was long distance when there is no communication what will you do.Especially when everyone around feel your stupid for attempting a long distance relationship.

    • Pd

      November 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm

      That cold attitude thing……I got the message after listening to Adele on the replay .i just washed my soiled bottles clean and place it on the fence.moved on like nothing happened ! I can’t stand divadudes.

  7. jokes

    November 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    nyc write up

  8. loreh

    November 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Seriously, i think this piece was meant for me. I am in the middle of this relationship that just makes me sad. No more fun, no more excitement, no more laughter, no more togetherness. we have been trying to patch it up for the past six months but its not working. When i said i wanted out, he said he was not going away, saying i am the one breaking up with him but he is not breaking up with me, and he would still be waiting, whenever i change my mind! Then he keeps updating his DPs and DMs, playing victim and making me feel extremely guilty. Its just so annoying. Don’t know what to do.

    • Lolade

      November 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      emotioanl blackmail. try deleting him from your BBM first, then move on to facebook and remove too. So at least your head can be clear. If he calls you up on it, good, at least you have gotten his attention, and he’ll know you are not playing. He sha cant force you to re-add him. Letting go digitally is the first step. At least you dont have to see his crap everytime you go through your phone. It will give you some breathing space small, and you can clear your head without him manipulating you with technology

    • dp

      November 29, 2012 at 2:20 pm

      delete him form ur bb simple

    • Mee

      November 29, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      Kindly delete him and stop feeling guilty.

    • Mama Put

      December 1, 2012 at 7:30 am

      Hey love, you owe it to him and to YOURSELF to,let go. Trust me! Two months after dating me ex, I,knew it wasn’t right and I attempted to break it off. He begged and begged, did and said all sorts and so I continued because there was so much emotional blackmail. Imagine this went on for three years. I loved him and we were great friends but I knew we had to break up but he wasn’t listening. In the end, we did and it was a lot more painful, messy and brutal. Do it as soon as you can! In person, maturely and nicely! When you leave, pray for him to move on, get comfort and strength. That’s all!

  9. cathy

    November 29, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    You just have to seat and talk it out, even if it ends up with your ex becoming your enemy so be it. Anyway i know with time the other person ends up being grateful atleast for you were being honest with her/him.

    • Ama

      November 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      you mean sit?

    • Ada

      December 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      you are very childish

  10. Yeni

    November 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Hmmmm. I’ll rather face to face pls

  11. Slim

    November 29, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Break-ups are extremely difficult except if that is the person’s ‘regular’ behavior. If you care or at least cared for the other person, it is best to be upfront about the need to split. Behaving like a jerk until the other person gets the message makes that person an actual jerk and no one should make you less of a person than you really are. In the end, if your reasons for breaking up are true and genuine, the other party will understand eventually and respect you for it – even if grudgingly. Behaving like a jerk brings unhappiness to both parties and the jerk will always look immature

  12. chic

    November 29, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    if u ve made up your mind to breakup simply tell the person face to face and move on with it. SIKINA

  13. Emails work

    November 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Well i’ve broken up with sm1 via email before. Not one but two emails, and judge me if you may, that was the best way I could do it. As fate would have it, I was away when I heard the BS that he pulled, and he had the guts to lie about it. I asked and asked to his face prior before I left as i suspected some things, and he LIED about it, and kept on sticking to his story. When the proof was handed to me, I was sooooo angry ehn, if i had waited till i got back, that anger would have eaten me up, and when i got to see him, i would have said or done things i would later regret. So, that face to face thing doesnt always work. I emailed the ass, said my mind (it was like purgatory i swear), and ended it. Dont owe him jack. Someone that treats you abominably, DOES NOT deserve any consideration from you. If they showed you any consideration at all, they would have behaved differently. So of course, I simply returned the favour. Yes the emails are evidence, but you know what, they are also evidence of what he did, so he cant deny it, or dare show it to anyone he thinks will take his side. If i had broken up with him face to face, he would have continued lying, and spread stories around that I broke up with him over something he did not do.

  14. what

    November 29, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    First of all i believe the best way to break up with someone is face to face…..unless the person is a murderer………I absolutely hate breakups via text, phone, email etc…to me it shows absolute cowardice!!…..had someone breakup with me by phone and it was not funny….i had to meet up with the person to talk it out no matter what and officially end it…..also relationship/dating is not compulsory, everyone has the right to leave when they are tired or bored…..but what i cannot stand is taking that same right into marriage……Marriage is a whole other level and not a game… be sure…..

  15. she

    November 29, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    @Loreh, abeg delete him from all social media that connects both of you. to be in a relationship is not by force, if all you get from it is sadness, then that’s your cue to take a bow honorably (well if the reason behind it is not fixable)
    An ancient ex used those same lines on me, well i knew he was an unrepentant fellow, so i cried all the tears i could and still walked out of the relationship. am still single but in a VERY HAPPY PLACE! Break ups are never easy, whether you are the one doing the dumping or the one being dumped, either way it still hurts. just be brave, face the person and talk about what you had, what you have now and what you want, and that’s why you are moving on! kalas!!! (like the Arabs will say)

  16. anonymous

    November 29, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Sometimes u really cnt blame pple 4 the way they break up. Some can’t face the other and some aren’t strong enough when d begging starts. My ex left me unceremoniously telling me he was jst going 4 holiday mean while he was going away to school. I took this hard when I found out cz I didn’t understand why he lied and I made a big deal out of this. When he was done I still got bck with him (with d dumb thought dt we were meant to be) and forgave him. I later realised dt he didn’t want d relatnship although I asked him several times and he said he still loved me. Like a fool I still stayed unhappy with him. Of recent I jst decided to stop calling or texting, I figured it was best to cut all forms of communication cz I didn’t want him begging asusual and claiming to change. I jst didn’t understnd why he cldnt say I don’t want again

  17. Otunba

    November 29, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    @Audrey that your question get as e be o, but I think removing it at once hurts more o. It is easier said ooooooooooooooooo my people. How can you stand face to face with someone you have or had feelings for and say “i no do again”. Haba, the person will just see you as a very callous monster and it’s also risky. As for me, the best way is to send a message stating your position and also explaining how difficult it is for you to face him/her. After this, please disappear into thin air to forestall acid or hot water bath.

  18. gloria

    November 29, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    please can someone help me out in a situation whereby the guys breaks up with you giving you the ‘it’s me’ card. and then coming back like 4months later pleading to have you back. after he know you were hurt and then giving flimsy reasons on why he broke up at first.

  19. Dora

    November 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Both instances where I dumped my boyfriends I told dem to deir faces dat it was over.

  20. Berry Choco-Latté

    November 29, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    #1. Worst way I was broken up with – “Hello Berry. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not happy.” *hangs up on me*

    #2. Guys, a break is NOT a break up!!!!!!!!!!

    #3. Breaking up is hard to do. But it is not okay to string someone along or make them frustrated enough to break up with you.

    The End.

    • Abana

      November 29, 2012 at 3:53 pm

      For me, a break is a break up. Do you take a break from life when things are not as you want them to be? No. Anyone who needs a break from me is cut off. Gone forever.
      The guy who tried this with me got it right up. After he took d break, I just left him jeje. By the time he came back (4 months later). I was with someone else. The idiot actually thought I was going to wait for him? Like hell. You expect me to wait for you, put my life on pause while you sort out your emotional junk? I am sorry, no. My present boyfriend knows now, if he is stressed, we stress together. If he is down, we are down together. If he needs a break, he’s out the door for life.

    • Bleed blue

      November 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

      Babe you’re hardcore oh! Chai!

    • nana

      November 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm

      my sister thank you ! a break is definitely a break up!!

    • SheyShey7

      November 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm

      Oh yessss! as a sure geh mehn…ok seriously that is definitely the way forward…I mean wth does a “break” mean mschew the guy should bounce abeg.

    • sirkastic

      November 30, 2012 at 8:51 am


    • Tiki

      December 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

      I agree! Break ke? Love does not take breaks, life does not take breaks, what kind of feelings do you have which take breaks?

    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

      lol. had to comment.

      I think u do and can take a break from life…. things can be overwhelming sometimes and you just need to STOP and think.

  21. Gbemmy

    November 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I think some ladies even guys become so emotional about break-up , even to the point of been foolish , because how would you explain people begging the other party endlessly , falling seriously sick (taking drips) I have a friend that is stuck to this girl any time he decides he wants to get out the girl starts all type of funny activities like camping outside the guys house over the nite to see if any girl would visit , refusing to eat for days , a times not even going to work, by this time the guy would have no choice than to accept her back and it’s been a circle for ages … So i don’t blame those who break-up by text or even change sims

    • masked

      November 29, 2012 at 4:11 pm

      i just had a good laff at your mssg…its cos your friend still feels for her na…wats with the drama abeg….if its not working, leave her and let her act as much as she wants trust me, movie go reach “the end” one day. But do people actually go that length??jst wondering#

  22. Heartbroken

    November 29, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    I just broke up with my bf of two years and it was the hardest thing ever.
    I had been trying to breakup for the last 3 months and every time we had the talk, we realized we could try harder. 2 weeks later I find myself really unhappy again.
    So I decide to break up and I cried my heart out. but I know its for the best 😀

    Things would get better with time, I’m still in the crying phase but i’ll get over it.

    So, If you feel you need to be out of a r/ship.. don’t wait 3 months. As long as you are sure your reasons are valid.
    You’ll be fine. Time changes everything.

    • Heartbroken

      November 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm

      and please do it face to face.. there is nothing worse than breaking up using technology or any social media. Gross !!! Man up , be honest and you’ll be fine.

    • masked

      November 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm

      i’m kinda in a similar situation but my r/ship has being for a yr and i av being wanting to break up for like 5months now but le boo thinks we can still work things out. I’m jst not happy in the whole thing but le boo says i can’t go….do i rily need any cock and bull reason to wanna be out of a r/ship?

    • R

      November 30, 2012 at 2:26 am

      Happy to see you’re smiling!
      I’ve heard time time heals…

    • loo

      January 9, 2013 at 2:22 pm

      broke up with my le boo of 3yrs 3month and some days in feb 2012 it was the hardest thing to do i swear but spoke with him this yr 2013 nd he is still hurt nd says he would no longer be a good boy because being a good boy didnt pay him

  23. zika

    November 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    i dated my ex for 4yrs and in that 4yrs, he didnt see me as sme1 who he wanted to settle down with. he didnt wnt to let me go but he still wasnt giving his all. i felt like i was the one with the problem. Until he left the country and said he needed some space, in my mind that was just the end. i rili dnt knw y he cldnt hve told me outrightly that it wasnt working. it still hurts so bad, that i am scared of been in a relationship.

  24. 9Grian

    November 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    My ex broke up with me over the phone and at the time he lived 10mins from my house. Sha the break up was over a one time stupid arguement. But all the same the break up lead me to find my husband. Now I am happily married. As the saying goes every disappointment is a a blessing.

    • Omotalk

      November 29, 2012 at 4:27 pm

      Congrat, then!

  25. Diva

    November 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Hmmm. I’ve been on both ends of this particular stick. I had a boyfriend who just went cold on me and then i had a boyfriend whom i went cold on and broke up with him via sms. Break ups are always HARD. Whether we like it or not, someone always gets hurt. You are damned if you initiate the break up and damned if you don’t. You punish yourself by remaining in something that gives you no joy (i say joy because happiness is fleeting but joy lasts a good long while). I think the best way to break up with someone is face to face (even though i failed to do this once). Be honest but polite becaue being vague only gives him/ her hope that you guys may get back together. Put yourself in his/ her shoes and do the deed. my 50 cents!

  26. DeeDee

    November 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Hmm, I called one up broke up with him cos we were not communicating well. The next one used to hit me and was sooo obssessed I cudnt breath tried breaking up with him and I got the beating of my life and he attempted suicide 6 times.I had to seek help from my military friends.Even after that he still bugged me for 2 years after that.So I dated one of my military friends,the relationship was full of love,happiness drama cheating distance.Well I didn’t v d patience to make tinz work even after staying in the relationship for four years.He said he was serious bout marriage I didn’t bliv(tanx to listening to my gel friends)so I tink he heard it was over and I was with someone else through his friend.So the person I left him for had a kid I knew nothing about several gfs he woke up one morning went to SA and I didn’t hear from him again.

    • Tiki

      December 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

      And now in English…

    • Iya Oloja

      December 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

      Thx Tiki, my thoughts exactly! Can’t understand anything beyond the break up with the suicidal dude.

    • janet

      December 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm


    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm


      I was like huh??? i didnt gerrit loool..

    • Oga A'the Thorpe

      April 12, 2013 at 4:25 am

      LMAO…i don die.

      that post reads like a telegram.

  27. Funmi

    November 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Communication is the key I don’t care how u say it face to face, fax, email, phone, text messages or moving out of your shared apartment as long as the other person is aware that you are moving on. Not telling and playing eating your cake and having it is suicidal. There is no good way to break a bad news

  28. Hmmmmm!!!

    November 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    In the same situation at the mo. The said guy suddenly stopped communicating even after various attempts to know why, he kept on telling me the things he didn’t like about me meanwhile i kept on struggling to get his attention back. It would’ve been better if he told me face to face that he is tired. I later found out that he is back with his Ex that he claimed he had broken up with before he met me. Some guys can be funny

  29. STing

    November 29, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    There isn’t any easy way to do such things especially where human emotions and possibly sanity are at stake!If u feel the dude is abt to ditch you, save urself the embarrassment n ditch him first!

    • Retrochic

      December 14, 2012 at 2:41 pm

      my dear, quit being Miss stuff guy, u will regret later, breathein and out

  30. lolly

    November 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    i broke up on the phone, cos any time i try to be honest and give him the face-to face talk, he gets all emotional and i will have to take him back, cos it broke my heart to watch him beg………….when i relocated i told him on the phone and stopped picking his calls…its wrong but it was the best way……….However my last guy told me to my face, that i should take my options, Gosh! it hurt like a dagger through my chest, funny enough homeboy still wanted me after asking me to take my options, i strung him along till, i dumped him back, after all i took his advice…i took my options…:D its not easy either way, i felt insulted when he told me that to my face, i don`t know if i would have felt better if he had said it on the phone.

  31. Debs

    November 29, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Worst Breakup 1 scenerio.-Dated this really kool dude then (long distance relationship) everything went on great until one day opened my email and he said he was born-again and cldnt be sinning anymore. lol I cried myself out & recall someone at the cyber cafe thinking someone must have died. Years later I found out from him he got posted outside of the country & he still wanted to soil his oaths and not be tied down…Well really felt terrible.

    Worst break-up 2-Broke up with some dude just got fed up with his excuses, he pleads and begs constantly after a year or so we got back together (long distance). Didnt know the idoit had gotten married during the One time came to lagos for work and saw him at V.island & guess what he had a wedding band on. I cursed all his generations. We are good friends today & we can laugh about it now. I showed him crase on V.I that day. lol

    Break-Up 3 (still didnt learn my lesson-Long distance)for 2 years love was on phone email etc. We broke up amicably. I initiating it, fimile mi oshe mo

    After these experiences I became the master at break-ups. I began to break hearts before they broke mine.Funny thing I made sure they were no attachments.

    Happy Ending (Short distance- Lagos-Lagos) Met my wonderful hubby,tall dark & handsome,God fearing, Love of my life. He loves all my gist die.

    I hope my story cheered someone up & made them laugh. Life experiences. Cheers

    • Tiki

      December 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

      Ha ha ha ha ha.

      * ‘sow his wild oats’ *

    • loo

      January 9, 2013 at 2:37 pm

      ROTFL…….. debs u breakup are funny

  32. Naveah

    November 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    This iss gonna be a long one so I apologize in advance.

    This question should be open to NOT just relationships between lovers BUT relationships in general, how does one extricate oneself from a friendship or relationship because both have the same emotional toll because it is time invested in another person.

    I think if you invest time and energy in a person, you should accord them the respect of calling it off by a meeting in a public place (so they don’t act out crazy on you) at the most but at the very least a phone call or email (if you think the person is truly a wack job). People are not object to be discarded like old pairs of shoes, it is rude and uncalled for especially in light of the fact that in the months/years together, you’ve shared some really good moments that don’t need to be junked simply because things are not working out. I have never ever just dumped a person without sitting down and talking with them. I always treat people the way I would want them to treat me and I do believe that should be a general principle people should carry with them. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and it will help with your compassion and empathy:)

    Personal Experience 1 – I was dating this Nigeria guy who is Ijebu Yoruba, my first serious foray into dating a Nigerian and needless to say my last. I told him two things from the outset: I was not dating for fun, if he wasn’t serious, we should just be friends. And if it would be a problem with his friends/family that I am not Yoruba, again let’s be friends. He slapped his gums together and told me that all was well, ahhhhhhhhh after all his mom is more worried that he will end up with a white girl or worse akata so as long as the girl is Nigerian, she doesn’t care from what region. To bring a long story to much fast to the end, it didn’t work out for several reasons – it didn’t matter that I was from a great family, I did very well by their son, mama and entire family were tribal separatists (for a lack of better words), he was chained to his mama apron string, he was closed minded and cheap.

    How did he decided to break it off? He dropped me off at my house after an out of town trip and never called again. I waited several days and let it go. I didn’t bother to call him either to see what was up, I checked the news and there were no reports of a Nigerian man’s body found in a car wreck anyway on the interstate and knew he had to be fine. I had already begun to doubt the relationship a bit so I said to myself, “self, God has a way of eliminating trouble from your life without you having to lift a finger, follow the yellow brick road to peace in your life.” I didn’t not speak with him or see him until about two months later, he acted as if we had just seen each other the day before and I went with it too. I just thank God that when he did see me, I was look like a few million dollars.

    What would have been my preference? He certainly knew I wasn’t the needy type so he could have just said that he didn’t think it was working but guess what he would have to admit that he was wrong about his family, with all their education at Oxford etc they are simple, tribalists point blank period. He chose the coward’s way out and I think that said a lot more about him as a person than it did about me. I give him this much, he did call several times and apologize for his behavior several months after the first meeting after the incident. I told him what I thought has been flaws in our relationship that I thought he shouldn’t repeat such as telling me every single nasty thing his mother and sister were saying about me, not a good look at all. Sha, I value myself highly and I knew that any man who married me was getting a gem of a woman, he wasn’t deserving so it said “sayonara” and never looked back. Same way he came along, another man did and he knew what he had and put two beautiful rings on it LOL!

    Personal Experience 2 – Non Romantic Relationship

    Had been friends with this girl for over six years, I was a great friend to her in my own opinion. My family took her in, she would eat at our house, we took her on outings etc. When she was single, we would commiserate together about what we were looking for in a mate etc. We were by all accounts best friends but she was also a bit of a pain the ass in that she found lines to read between everything said to her, constantly on the defensive…case in point, she had an injury that was causing her pain, my father works in PT so I asked him to give her a few pain relieving exercises/tips to help. After he did, homegirl calls me ripping into me for telling my father her business. One more example, she bought a pair of pants which I complimented and about almost six months later, I saw the pants on sale and I didn’t even remember she had them, I bought them and she ripped into me buying them as if she had exclusive ownership of designs by Express. So, she finally met someone and everything went down hill from there. She just developed this attitude towards me, it became a married vs single type thing even though she asked me to be her MOH, she didn’t involve me in planning and then accused me of being jealous (a first may I add and I have had accomplished/married friends for over 20 years…14 years longer than she and I had been friends). Let’s just say that being friends with her became difficult but I knew how to manage her many moods, I was cooling it a bit because I was getting tired of defending myself in conversation with her all the time but I acknowledged that there were parts of her that were sweet and so I was willing to give it a go even if not as vigorously as when we started out.

    How did things end? I made her my maid of honor as well when I got married, right after I went on my honeymoon, she took me off her Facebook. Just like that after six years of friendship. Now, we’ve had misunderstandings before that we hashed out in emails but I guess she didn’t think it was worth the effort this time around. Six years of her crying on my shoulders, me on hers and she didn’t think I deserved the respect of a sit down, phone call or in the very least, an email.

    How would I have preferred it? I would have preferred that we talked about it but once she made that decision, the door was closed as far as I was concerned. If we had dwindled down to a few phone calls here and there, a facebook post or two, a text once a week, it would have at least left room for a revisit of the friendship in a year or two or five but what she did, to have stood beside me at my wedding knowing fully well what she planned on doing, I could never in this life be friends with her again. When there was a disaster where she lives recently, I did send her a text to see she and her family were faring but that’s just me, would she do it for me…probably not but I don’t live my life on how others operate theirs.

    • Idak

      November 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

      Apologies accepted.

    • Naveah

      November 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm


    • Nice Anon

      December 3, 2012 at 6:19 pm

      LMAO! Now that was funny.

    • Bleed blue

      November 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

      Eya, you sound really hurt by this friend of yours. I’ll tell you what, you may not know this but you may have been hurting her with little things over the years. Search yourself.

      The reason I say this is because I have a friend who has told me people keep “deleting” her and she never knows why. She’s faced this problem for years, she said. So I at first thought they must all be nasty sorts becuase like you Neveah, this girl would bend over backwards for her friends. Fast forward a few months and we got to be proper chums and ahaaaaaaaaaa!!! I understood the phenomenon.
      She just knows how to say the most hurtful one liners that you don’t expect even from the meanest bast**d on earth. And she’ll just say it and move on and wonder why you’re so upset. The thing tire me oh, it’s been 5 years of being her friend on and off now and sad to say, I’ve deleted her men. She’s a real sweetheart most of the time but NOTHING can ever justify the kinds of thigs she says.

      Anyway, if your was a one-off, this story of mine probably doesn’t apply. It’s just that you reminded me of my own story and I had to yarn.

      As long as you’re sure you’ve not done anything wrong, abeg free her. If she won’t “friend” you, someone else will 🙂

    • Naveah

      November 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

      @ Bleed Blue – the difference between me and your friend is that I don’t have anyone keep deleting me. She is the only person who has ever deleted me on FB and I don’t want her friendship.

    • AA

      November 30, 2012 at 5:47 am

      I understand breaking up with a lover face to face, but breaking up with a friend is very hard to do and Isuck @ it and have hurt quite a few feelings. Girlfriends know you in and out, where does the incision start? Its just hard to cut them out just like that. I support slow withdrawal o

    • jcsgrl

      January 30, 2013 at 8:01 pm

      Gosh your story is soo similar to an ex friend of mine. She threw me a birthday and housewarming party and after that broke up with me lol but via email shaa accusing me of all sorts. Nyway I was soo happy to be free from the relationship than the hurtful words in the email did not bother me. I responded with a happy God bless and take care. And mehn I have lived happily ever after. She’s doing grt from what I’ve heard but boy am I glad i aint gotta deal with her drama

  33. iffy

    November 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Face to Face break up requires a lot of preparation psychologically, else you’ll get there and cry over yourselves and say nothing. take this example i had to break up with a guy because i discovered we were both AS, he didn’t have the nerve to walk away and we toyed on for some months. I decided to come out of the folly and walk away as hurting as it was so i sent him a message. i know i need to see him and talk it out, but i was not psychologically prepared for that then, i’ve cleared my head now and when i see him we’ll talk it over.

  34. dami

    November 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    hmm @Naveah, i feel you dear..was dating dis guy..everything was going on well..n all of a sudden he decided to end it on my buffdai..he didnt wish me HBD.., he deleted all my friends that knew we were dating n even deleted me off his bb on my buffdai..hmm i called him n he didnt pick..up till now i vnt heard a word from him…it was a source dat later tld me he had a srzs rlship somewhere..its still misery to me but i must say.. LIFE GOES ON!!!!.

  35. Tosin Alalade

    November 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Face to face break up will be better except there is likelihood of violence.

  36. Abie

    November 29, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Nice nice nice. I am in a dilema rightnow and this thing came at the appropriate time.

  37. mm

    November 29, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    hmmn my bf cheated on me and then we broke up and got back together agaun. He continued seeing d oda girl in the process, she got pregnant. He didnt tell me instead he stopped calling me. oneday i wanted to get sth cos it was late i called him to escort me. He was acting weird then when i got to my house he wanted to kiss me so i moved away he got angry and pushed me to the wall and said he cursed the day he met me bla bla bla. i calmly walked into my house and shut d door behind. my friend not aware of what happened let him in. he came to my room and was kneeling down to beg me i refused

    • mm

      November 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm

      he sha called me stupid lets just say my friend asked him to leave. good riddiance!!

  38. Ekene

    November 29, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Is there a good way to break up? I think so, yes.
    Meet with the person, have a conversation, tell them where your head (or heart) is at.
    It’s not going to be easy, cos your significant other might want to convince you to try, or to stay, blah blah blah.
    Just do it with respect, and a level head. They might be mad at first, but sooner or later, they’d appreciate it.
    Guys should never think that acting like a jerk is the way to go, so that she’d code and break up with you first. Women are tenacious ‘forcers’ in relationships, and she might act completely oblivious to your hints, or she might be holding on even tighter, trying to fix things you’re clearly not interested in fixing.
    Be nice, be honest. It’s tough and you feel bad, but it always works for me.

    • oge

      December 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

      ekene oguchient! i completely agree with u

  39. Rest in heaven,my little cuti!

    November 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    @Niveah,who can read such a long tale????

    • Naveah

      November 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

      Who asked you to read it? Na by force? Move on to another if my own dey bother you, na ahn ahn!

    • R

      November 30, 2012 at 2:35 am

      I did

    • Idak

      November 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

      Maybe the post was not meant for you.

    • Mousepad

      November 30, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      I just read it!

    • Bliss

      November 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

      Just read it. Lots of valid lessons 2.

  40. Name

    November 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    My ex ” broke” up with me over the phone. The very next day, he was in my door way to apologize saying he realized he ” should see me face to face to iron out our issues” . Even though we were young then, we both told ourselves some very hard and bitter truths that led to the split. At that time, I utterly hated him for it. But after a while, I got over him and moved on. Today, I’m thankful that I left that relationship knowing where I erred, where I was right and that I wasn’t 100% guilty for us not working.
    In my opinion, the best way to split is still to see and talk about it face to face, no cold shoulders or any form of “he/she will get the message. Even though its hard to do at the time, you’ll realize your conscience is free and yo head is clear once you do it. No need for name calling or blame games, just speak the truth and set yourself free.!!!

  41. nwachinemere

    November 29, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    I jst broke up too wit my bf of 7yrs. Parental issues, N it hurts to knw that after wat we’ve shared he’s not able to stand up to his folks.
    It hurt a lot at first and I knw how many times I was tempted to call and beg but held back. He called it off on BB cos it was for d most part a LDR, we haven’t seen since then to talk it out, and funny enough we’re still friends on bb and oda social netwrks and d breakup is going on jst fine.
    I’ve got a lot of male attention right nw but I’m cooling my heels, biko let me receive fresh air in d singles club, dating 4 7yrs isn’t beans plus dnt wanna rick a rebound relationship.
    If probably we has broken up and cut off all communication it’d have been harder. Weird I know but hey it works for us…

  42. nwachinemere

    November 29, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Typo *risk *had

  43. Concerned_Boyfriend

    November 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I fell for a bait and switch ploy. When we met, she was working to lose weight. She lost a lot of weight. After sometime in the relationship, she gained all the weight plus more. Of course, I can’t tell her I’m unhappy with her weight and her unhealthy eating habits. Now I wanted out and don’t know how to go about it. Please help.

    Concerned Boyfriend

    • Idak

      November 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

      Simple; encourage her to get back to the weight loss program that she was on when you met. Depending on how big she has gotten, encourage her to do it for health reasons most of all.
      This weight thing is a complicated matter. I find some folks are hung up on it at different extremes. Some like it big, some like it thin. The most important thing is being reasonable in your demands and expectations. Wishing you all the best.

    • Ikunkun

      December 3, 2012 at 7:29 am

      As an overweight person myself, I feel bad for you, but to tell the truth, being overweight is a constant struggle kinda like being a drug addict, there are always relapses, in my life I have probably lost and gained back more weight than anyone you’d know…good news however is she’ll probably start working on her weight again sooner or later (it could be up to a year maybe but she’ll definitely will), if you want it any sooner then you’d have to encourage her to start whatever she did too loose weight to start with…join her if possible.
      p.s. I have made sure over the years that I only date guys that are into chubby chicks( Hey am a sexy orobo o, flat stomach, figure 8 and all but dang I am seriously overweight/obese sef)….My Ex’es usually are indifferent to my fluctuations (the last one even found it amusing, lol).
      but please I beg you if things don’t work out, I know everyone is encouraging honest on here…. don’t go being honest telling her you want to break up because she’s fat oooo….you will kill somebody!

  44. Somebody

    November 29, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    Pls what is LDR?

    • Idak

      November 30, 2012 at 9:54 am

      Long Distance Relationship.

  45. Pd

    November 29, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    He came back for a booty call dear.

  46. Anonymous

    November 29, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Reminds me of my own very dear relationship with my ex who was my best friend. We were just really close friends in secondary school, until few years later after graduating, we met up when I came visiting and realized we both liked each other but just respected ourselves. Anyways, the relationship kicked off and we were so happy. I remember him begging me to tell our friends and put it publicly on fb and his twitter(he is popular). A long distance relationship thingz!!! Lo and behold, I started seeing clearly the other side of him, although I’ve known him for a while. Boy, dude had terrible mood swings. Me, the hyper one was always there for him and just to see he was happy and cheering him up whenever we get to chat on bbm (had a fixed time for that since we both students with diff time zones). We truly had feelings for each other, respect, maturity and every other thing you want in ur dream relationship. Although, we were just few months apart and am always keen on NOT dating my age mates because they all not matured enough. But, he was different….that was what actually attracted to him. Always act old for his age. Anyways, the mood swing, distance plus strike in his school (naija to dey mess pple up) stirred up the relationship. So, he suggested about we taking a break, in which I was already giving him due to the mood swings (can’t deal with that). Eventually, we broke up couple of months later cuz his moodiness changed him entirely to someone else. …..Chats were boring, hated talking/calling, texting na by God’s grace, posting crap on twitter. He broke up with me on bb, early in the morning when I just woke up. It hurt that bad and I cried, had to toughen up and start my day. I no fit beg man to love me. I love myself more!!! Then, I remembered I bought a surprise bday ticket to land on his bday, i told him. We had no convo from there. i just forcefully moved on. Fast forward, I landed and text him am in the country. No reply until the next day or 2. At that point, I was so mad at him, even though we no longer an item doesn’t mean he shouldn’t respect me as per friendship sake or even welcome me back since only him knew i was in the country. We sha text to and fro with excuse he went out with some frnds for his bday, so was kinda drunk. I let it go. He invited me over to some Xmas event at his house, was just so awkward seeing up for the first time in months……was on my phone all through. Meanwhile, I deleted him from my bb and unfollowed him from twitter (sure he was so happy, doesn’t believe lovers should be ff each other). I told him at his place and was mad that how can his ‘gf’ delete him from bb. Was shocked he still addressed me as his gf, and still had feelings for me. At this point, I was confused because I came to know my stand exactly, but no answer from him. Went clubbing sometime with other frnds, said he came because of me and me likewise. Because he had been buzzing my phone all day. We clicked back as one, hugged forever, kissed, laughed, did crazy stuffs like we were before at the club. He was even whining his waist for me at some song. Walked me to the station and hopped on a bike (I no dey do lag traffic, plus family beginning to be worried). Before I left him, I asked him about our status, cuz am a good girl. I don’t do all this clubbing, and other iranu some pole do. Till now, he never replied or called me about it although he called few days after his bday and poured his heart out about why he broke up with me. I just listened to one of my married besty, move on. He doesn’t appreciate you. Without thinking twice, I put everything behind me. That was a wrap!! I did so much to get a leave from work, took my school final exams within 2days instead of a week, flew my ass down to naija and am being treated as crap. Hell no!!! Made up my mind since I gave the relationship another chance as a no second chance relationship girl. If you don’t know my worth while been in the relationship, you can’t have me twice. ALL my ex’s ask me till now for that and I say no. I know my worth and won’t stress over someone that doesn’t know and appreciate it. I love myself being single at this point, no cause to worry over mood swings and trying to cheer up and make someone smile over him. We don’t talk again except when he called me on my bday and said hello on twitter. Man is meant to be chasing me and not the other way round.

    Talking of break/breakup, I guess his was the dead silence after been asked at the club. He had the coward problem of facing me and breaking up with me with the feelings he claimed he had. Whichever way, i was so ready to be done with me. Girls, know your worth and respect, don’t let some guy reduce you to nothing. He is a good guy with bright future, but gotta work on yourself if by chance you reading this (he knows am a BN reader).

    *Sorry, if not well articulated or there be any grammatical error.

    • Idak

      November 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

      Just my naive opinion: i just sense the long posts on this topic are an indication of unfinished business, unresolved emotions tinz………….

    • Person pikin

      December 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      You for warn us say na epistle we wan read na! You nor see your friend Naveah?

  47. Pd

    November 29, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    An ex told me he had a terminal disease and he has only 3 months to live! I cried like a bush baby! Well….the guy was going for his masters in the uk and didn’t know how to break it to me and in the process break up with me! Well unknown to him ,the crying was a sign of relief on my part that we always have protected sex and my brain was like …..hope this disease no dey contagious .

    • Person pikin

      December 2, 2012 at 8:33 pm

      Whaaaaat??? Terminal gini??? Lmao!

    • Ibinabo

      December 11, 2012 at 12:13 pm

      lmao… kai, you’re not nice..

  48. AnONYMouS

    November 30, 2012 at 6:28 am

    The comments here are mostly by ladies. Men wont comment here oh!

    First Break up: Mutual…I was older than he was by a year but he was really immature and I was tired of being a mummy, so we met…kissed passionately for about 20-30minutes and said our final bye-bye’s. Lol. We are still cool though.

    Second Break up: I was kinda waiting for him to break up and so I was expecting it. He gave me the “it is me talk” and then we both cried our eyes out and we were done. He never told me why he was breaking up and that is my only issue. I feel like that would give me some closure but oh well. Almost 2 years after, we still talk and are not dating anyone else. 🙁

    • Idak

      November 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

      Second Break up: Beware of Okafor’s law. 🙂

  49. Chair

    November 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

    I broke up with ‘oh girl’ at my place and I was scared she was going to pass out. She cried and lamented for hours. She talk say she no go ever talk to me again. A few days later she dey ask to come over. The whole break up thing can be messy.

  50. teetee

    November 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

    i once told a very cls friend of mine i didnt want to b his friend anymore via phone becoz i was falling in love wif him….he told me in d begining when we met he didnt want any gal friend….d sad part am now begging to b friends wif him again, he is no longer interested

  51. matilda moro

    November 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    love you debs really made me laugh

  52. newbie

    December 1, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Anonymous 11.57pm 29th November…… Babes you have issues!

  53. Yo!

    December 1, 2012 at 8:21 am

    “Worstest” break up-we were 2geda for abt 6months with high hopes for each other. Like most Sundays , we spent our time together as we both have crazy work schedules, all was well as it could be. Didn’t hear frm him for abt 5 days after and i was due to travel, called him while I was at the airport n he picked tellin me he had to make an impromptu travel for work n he just gt bac.i bliv it was natural for me to be mad n I expressed my displeasure, I still apologized b4 I gt on board cos I cldnt bear to hold a grudge, kept in touch wit him for d 2wks I was away till d very last min I back home,called him since I didnt hear from him in almost 48hours and he never responded to my calls .called endlessly for weeks ,went to his house to check just to b sure he was okay-security man said he went out n he still never spoke a word of break up. He just blanked out,he was gone wit d wind! Deleted him frm all social media after a month for sanity sake. 5 months later , my fone dialed his mistakenly frm his past msgs I guess and he called back. I told him it was an erroneous call n dat I didn’t wanna talk to him and cut d line ; what puzzles me is how in d world a man wld have so much insensitivity in him and think dat d best way to start a conversation after months of silence is to return an erroneous call and sound like we just spoke yesterday ! Ryt nw, I’m just prepared for d worst in any1 cos ways d point? Seriously !!!

  54. nelly

    December 1, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Break ups should b done face to face. On a neutral ground. Space should b semi private. For a girl, have ur besties close by so u can cry in a loving environment. Dry ur tears and move on. It is never easy to let go of anything that took time & energy to start. (*love isn’t a prerequisite) also never settle4 anything less than what u consider ‘ d best’

  55. Abygurl

    December 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

    My BF and I have been dating 4 sixg years,I met him as a teenager,young and naïve,along d line,he stopped been d guy I used to fall in love with, this relationship just makes me sad,Its so boring, no excitement,and we don’t share same dreams,I don’t have passion 4 him again,I have been trying to make it work 4 a year now been d fact dat our families are so close.The last time I told him….he is dry and Boring&am getting tired of the relationship,he almost made an attempt to hit me. I met dis new guy some months ago&we were best of friends b4 we fell in love,he has most of the qualities I want in a man&he has been showing a lot of interest in me,he made his intention known to me dat he wants to marry me,he introduced me to his Family&want me to do d same,bt am so confuse right now cos I don’t knw d best way to break up with my previous BF without it causing any enemity btw him &I.

  56. Anonymous

    December 1, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Hmmmmmmmm…I’m in this kinda situation at he moment, I met this supposed God fearing and serious minded guy and things started getting all serious,we became an item & we were seeing each other like every other day…He was acting all serious and sweet….I met this other guy almost at the same time I met mr Godfearing guy,i’ll call mr Godfearing mr A…for some reason I gave mr A more attention,thou all my friends felt d other guy was better off…I ignored them and went ahead to be with mr A…mr A pressured me so much that at the end of the day we got really intimate, he knew quite all right I ddnt want sex.Thought he’ ll be saner as per being a Christian brother…well fast forward after a bit mr A came up with stories bout how he didnt feel we were doing the right thing and how he needs to hear from God about our relationship…hmmmmmmmm,I got the message, this is the same person that used to act like his world revolves around me…anyways, we went n a break & I discovered he’s just a pretender that was hiding under the shade of being a Christian,at his age,he hasn’t kept any relationship whatsoever for long….anyways, I’m happy now cos if I dent leave him I won’t have discovered the beauty of a good relationship…I’m with someone that adores the ground I walk on..he pampers me silly…I guess God just decided to reward me for being good & loving without reservations in the past… Mr God fearing is history…Ladies should be careful…d churchy guys can be funny…not o forget that I have been with th new guy or a very long time now & he has not pressured me for sex in any way…he’s willing to wait till I’m ready…..

    I’m in a very happy place…

  57. kratos

    December 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    guys need to learn how to apprecate what they have,if you truely love someone, you wont do anything to hurt the person.if i do find one, i will do just that!!!

  58. Omotee

    December 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I really dont care whichever way mehn, usually I pick up on sign languages and gerrout first. Sign language is when his calls n texts reduce, u call n he hardly picks, he picks he’s either funny or gives an excuse. I dump u before u start calling me nuisance. It’s fine to cry my heart out in my room. Life goes on.
    I however think its more painful to watch someone who loved u tell u he wants things to end. SMS n bbm n emails are just lame but hey, whichever way works.

  59. Nok10

    December 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    @ Anon Dec1 1:12 pm: Yes o, beware of church guys, some of them are wolves in sheep’s clothing just sleeping around with the ladies in church under the guise of ‘relationship’.

    @ Omotee – Spot on! The truth is most guys feel very uncomfortable with breaking up. They’d rather avoid it, so they give you all these signs like not calling etc and hope you get the message. They just find this cowardly approach easier. Meanwhile, women are looking for the whys and closure. As Omotee said, if you start picking up on hints or the guy is being evasive, just stop calling the guy. If he’s really into you he’ll call you, if not he won’t. If he died or was in an accident, you’ll eventually find out. So ladies stop using that ‘ I kept calling him to make sure he was okay’ as an excuse to call a guy incessantly – guys think its desperate!

  60. JADE

    December 3, 2012 at 11:57 am

    My bf has broken up with me twice via SMS and called the next morning to apologize, i dont even know why i take him back cos im not even sure i love him, we’ve been together 3 years now,other BFs i just blank them, stop taking calls dont reply messages just move on.

  61. Blumen

    December 4, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Am in a dilema. Been with this guy for 4years and in that 4years, i didnt see him as some1 i can marry. The issue now is that the guy loves me so much and adores me. Buys me anything i want, he thinks of me before he thinks of himself. He knows me in and out and still loves me to death. I decided to move on days before our 4th ann and didnt tell him coz i couldnt face him. I was introduced to some1 and we actually started dating. Now am madly in love with the new guy and my first boyfriend found out i am seeing this guy. He forgave me and asked that i come back to him. Now, because this new guy wouldnt stop talking to his ex, i became skeptical and decided to go back to my first that i actually do not love like i use to but trust me, he is a great guy. Now the new guy has assured me there is nothing with his ex. They have religious issues coz shes muslim and his is a christain and he said it cant happen. I have been given an ultimatum by the first to free the second i really love. I dont know who to go with. My heart is with the second guy even though its only been months

    • kratos

      December 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

      you are just been incosiderate and selfish.if you dont love the Guy, let him go and stop holding on to him.

  62. princess zara

    December 4, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    hah for teenagers lyk me….dont even give a trace just let it flow….dnt know abt d elderly sha but

  63. my two cents

    December 5, 2012 at 1:09 am

    Oh wow! All these stories, and i thought i was alone. My boyfriend broke up with me by text message at 5am,and ended it with sweet dreams. He basically gave me the “my head is not a relationship” speech. It pained me,i won’t lie moreso because i’m neither clingy nor needy so he couldn’t have said he did that because he didn’t want me to bawl like a baby or camp out in fromt of his office/house. Breakups hurt, but when there is no closure they are the absolute worst. Karma is real, just be civil if you’re breaking up with someone. Sorry for the epistle!

  64. Jenna

    December 5, 2012 at 1:28 am

    I think whichever medium you choose… Best do it with sensitivity. Weirdly no one mentioned breaking up by BBM, WhatsApp, Facebook, all popular mediums of conversing these days. P.S loving the comments. One big conversation. 🙂

  65. Nwanyi na aga aga

    December 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    break ups are hard believe me,
    my first boyfriend: i tried breaking up with him more than 7 times and we ended up crying and saying we will work it out. i moved out of my base and after a small quarel i broke it up he called i avoided the calls cos if i hear his voice i was sure i would agree to his ‘lets work it out even if u dont love me again now you still will’ line. we are good friends now.
    boyfriend 2: i ve never met anyone who lied as much as he did. i tried breaking up, same story we will work it out, ppl are not perfect, now u know my flaws lets work on it *abeg how do you keep living and working on a pathological liar* i will never know. i tried again he said he will give me a break but will come back later, my dears i had no other way out than to start avoiding his calls God being so merciful i left the town after service. that became over. till recently he came back and is currently giving me headache *newsflash: still his same old lying self – told me he now works in mobil oil company *rolls my eyes* meanwhile he is still his radio presenter self.
    boyfriend 3: Actually broke up with me face to face.But not before he stopped talking to me for 1 month. he didnt call and i also didnt call. shikena he got tired and said he was breaking up cos he wasnt sure he was going to marry me *laughs* i accepted heartily as the relationship was beginning to weigh me down. bobo begged to still be my friend i agreed. fast forward to 3 days he is begging to come back. i asked as what? we already friends i told him leave it at that.Bobo said he was testing my love for him biko what is the meaning of that? maybe he was waiting for me to break down and weep but no way. if i want to cry i ve my friends and my pillow for that.
    summarily you can say its ok to break up face to face but sometimes it aint easy i am telling you. especially when the other party wants to still hold on.So the method of break ups depend on who you re dealing with. so what ever works for you its ok

  66. Ms. B

    December 7, 2012 at 5:00 am

    I was dumped for the first time ever this January and it was via email after a long and what I thought was an awesome conversation. His emailed stated that he really loved me but he just felt we were not meant to be and he made a few confessions about things he lied to me about. Nothing too major. But as of today he is engaged and planning his wedding with the woman he claims he met at a party in February.

  67. koko

    December 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    mine happund yesterday and it wasnt verbal …..ive had a bf for 2nd half years things been going on well ,I never asked if he wld marry me or what does he have in mind i just assumed …suddenly last month he deleted me frm facebook I askd him why he came up with a lame excuse that his laptop had issue or dat his fbk has been compromised after which I angryliy deleted him frm bb only for me to get a pic frm a friend he got married yesterday….i sent him an email he said it just happund dat duee to circumstances beyond his control nd he den wished me d best in life….funny i tot i was the perfect gf ….

  68. Tunmise

    December 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    @Ms. B and @Koko…i’m sorry…men are like fleas on rats…liverless beings!! mine was a horrible experience too but truth is life goes on. no best way to break up especially when you are at the receiving end but it’s easier when it’s mutual… right now, i gave myself a holiday, 2 can play the game…marriage isn’t even on my mind…love sucks, only the one from God is for real!

    • koko

      December 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

      yes oh for me love doesnt exist i wish he told me b4 though ..i feel so stupid now

  69. JADE

    December 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Sorry you guys, take time out for urselves, like tunmise did take a holiday, love ur self pamper ur self, use this time to get to know ur self, appraise the relationship and start working on urself, forget the men. Self development is key. try to keep being the good human being that you are and if it is in the will of God for you it will surely happen.

  70. jyde

    December 8, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Sometimes its not that easy to break hearts,so we lie and dump anyway we can.
    However guys be warned,most of you dont know this,nor did i till i found out that,a very angry,hurt woman with just a shoe with a pointed heel can shatter a windshield with a noise like an explosion.
    Dont believe me?Wait till you dump the wrong woman.
    There are ways to go around ending relationships and in a car is not one of them.
    Trust one who knows.
    I had to tell my friend a truck reversed into my car.

  71. Jumai

    December 9, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    i read a few comments and to be honest, it is very difficult to break up with someone vise visa especially if you once cared about that person. we are all taking but if we are in that situation, our way of thought would be different. I dont know if its me but i remembered i once told a guy that i didnt want to continue with him and it wasnt like i was 100 percent in a relationship with him. This guy decided that no way he will never let me go…….omd……. he found all sort of way to tell me that he wants to marry me and meet my parents, i tried severals times to tell him i am not interested and he wouldn’t just listen, and that alone irritated me and made me not like him any more. the only way out was to delete him off bb, deleted him off my phone and i stopped picking his calls, months went by and he still tried calling n i refused to pick up,until then he
    got the message, i know it was bad me deleting him of bb and ignoring his call but
    sometimes the best way to allow that person go is to mean to them before they get the message. that way you are not pretending and one day that same person might look back in years to come and thank you if not they wouldnt have been where they are now…. covers face

  72. Anonymous S.

    December 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Hi guyz, been reading a lot of messages posted here!! Would just like to add my views.
    I was in a relationship with my ex for over 3 years which almost lead to marriage but unappearent to me his family had issues with me, I think it started off with his sisters thinking I’m spending there brother’s money while he didn’t even have a job( I was the one feeding his ass!)… Anywayz we eventually started having issues and to cut the long story short; I guess he could find a way to break up with me, he didn’t call or text on the valentine day on the year we broke up, den showed up at my house at 9pm in the evening to give me a 50pence card! (God dey!) after that I decided I was worth more and deserved better so I stopped calling him. Prior to that he had asked me to help him sell an item worth £700 on my eBay account while he was in debt if the £1000 I loaned him to pay his school fees…. Two weeks after no communication the item sold an he had the audacity to call me request the money. I told him I wasn’t releasing it and that he should find a way to pay the rest of the money he deleted me off bb and Facebook…..(didn’t care much!) at least I got £700 back out of my money. Then I heard a few month later that he was telling our mutual friends that he proposed and I said no and that was the reason we broke up(I guess he was trying to justify the supposing ugly version of me that he just started dating). Either way I’m glad he acted that way n I thank him because if he wasn’t out of my life I wouldn’t have even given my fiancé now a chance….(God has truly sent me an angel!) and I’m grateful to my ex for letting me go….

  73. tplusf

    December 12, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Interesting article… yes, a guy broke off from me through yahoo messenger!!! and since then, I realized what a jerk he was for he couldnt face me and tell me to my face!!! well, thats life sha

  74. Chinny

    December 19, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Interesting Article…I hv bin dating my BF for a i tot, suddenly he reduced calling, i asked y, he told me it wuz work. I still stayed on cos i rili luved him untill day b4 yesterday , went thru his fone and saw his Sms and pings to babes saying stuff. I stopped calling him , he didnt call me either till 2day. Life goes on …..There is rili no best way to break up.

  75. T.O

    January 2, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    Why beat around the bush? Why not just say it and forget about it? Acting like a jerk is just longing matters.

  76. miss me

    January 9, 2013 at 12:34 am

    I think r/shp is sumtin we try evriday, two years ago I was head over heels wif sumone I was dying to jst sleep with,afta few months of sleepin wif each oda,I askd him to date me and he gave me excuses that it would b awkward.
    I was stupidly persistently trying to please him,after a while he told me on the phone the reason he came into my life was to make it miserable(cuz someonelse broke his heart and he is trying get back at all the girls)
    I most died,but I didn’t. As a uni chick,I wiped my eyes and moved on.
    He would have told me straight up that the sex was enough (I was enjoying it too much)
    I started dating again,a long distance this time and he was so cool but along the line I met someone else and I had to tell him(I lied) I slept wit somebody else. This is the same guy that gives me money evn when we dnt see often.we didn’t even have sex. He said he wouldn’t forgive me cause he did his some extent I am glad I lied cuz I like ds new guy.
    He doesn’t hav like the last but he is close by and always there esp when am broke in
    My last guy is a banker and he was close by until he was transferred to lokoja.I want to break up with him because I have one and I wana see how it works,I dnt want to do it via phone because I dnt wana hurt anybody.
    I mean I dnt knw why he takes all my nonesense.his friends sees me wif my new guy but he stil cares,provide,and act like nothing is up.
    I knw I haven’t matured when it comes to r/shp and heart break,buh at this point in my life I want to know what not cheating really means.
    My new guy is suspecting that I haven’t broken up with the banker cuz the guys calls me a nyt esp wen am wif ds new guy…….I dnt want to travel al the way to lokoja to break up wif someone sooo I wondering what to do…….

  77. kolade

    January 21, 2013 at 11:03 am

    My gf broke up with mw a week after giving her 550k for her school fees in babcock

  78. JUBRIL

    January 21, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    loool, funny thing is my gF broke up with me just after i loaned her* brother* 15million for a largescale prjoect and they both vanished into thin hair 3years ago, i have only paid 3million from the money, later i discovered that they are both married in sweden now,wll bright side is that my company refused to sack me until i complete the payment,

  79. chic la bebe

    January 24, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    whaaaaaaaaaat! your gf broke up with you afeter giving her 550k and jubril after lending her broda 15mil. i hope this is not a joke, so men are still this generous na wa o. the highest a guy has given me is 40k and i recieved insults worth 1mil from him. these gals are so lucky

  80. sleek

    March 8, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    my boyfriend of seven yrs told me another girl was pregnant for him,i later found out it was all a lie just to let me go.

  81. uju

    March 26, 2013 at 6:15 pm


  82. uju

    March 26, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    am just heart broken,on my boyfrieds bufday i made ssure he was happy,2days to my birthday he stopped picking my calls,i kept calling he neva did,but if i use sm1 elses phone he would pick,i summoned courage to talk to him wt a friends phone and he picked,his excuse was dat he was ill,i was like atleast u would have picked to tell me,he but he was picking other pples calls,he fled that y did i use sm1s phone to call him,blabalbal,i was like u couldnt even call me on my birthday,he satrted laffing ,it all broke my heart.all he was asking was wen i was coming ova.wen i droped d call i sat on my desk i tot about it,i called him at night he didnt pick,i quitely sent him a txt that ,am so unhappy in dis relationship and he shows no level of commitment i guess we should just let go.i cried soo hard but i think i made the right desicion…….my friends any repationship u are in and u seem sad i think u should pull out cos its not worth it.

  83. uju

    March 26, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    as for my case ,if he truely loves me he would have called back or try hard to make things work.but till now he hasnt,so it means he neva loved me like he claimed

  84. damilola

    April 12, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Lool, babcock girls won’t kill me. …

  85. freakysaint.

    April 14, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    lol…how i love the things i read on here! such an amazing thing to relate with different people’s experiences. well mine is quite of a situation. To answer the question ‘is there a good way to break up’..i really must say it depends. I would like to know what yall think of my recent break up tho. PLZ forgive if it gets too long.

    So, dated this guy for 3 years..we started off together for a year and eventually,I had to move to the Uk for my undergrad..meaning LDR(which i hate! lol) . Being all in lurrr (love) we decided we’d rather stay together than be apart so every summer i’d return home to ma man for a mindblowing 3 months. To make this short, He was my first love (awww) and yall know how this love tin can like to be i was committed and loyal the whoooooole time (on ma life). Knowing he would once in a while get down with other girls cus i wasnt there, i had to remain mature n realistic about things…after all ,dude was talking marriage..told everyone about his plans for us, his parents even knew about us and they took me in as ‘our wife’ kain
    coming to the drastic end, last summer i was home for the usual 3 months just to spend time with him and about 2 weeks to my departure for the Uk again, nigger decided he was too busy to come see me before leaving regardless of plans we had made prior. this was eye-opening as i realized, if we had bin for 3 years together n he cudnt sacrifice a lil time to come see me off knowing id be gone for another 9 months, then this was it, after all, i had done my part by coming close to his reach for 3 months!
    Following this break-up which was done over the phone due to the distance between us ( he lived 2hrs away), he persisted on bugging the life outta me for 6 MONTHS..talking about how he needed me and i was his future baby momma and what the point his mother wud even whatsapp me on the reg to get me talking to her son. BUT the thing is in the space of those six months, truths started to come out after breaking up!!! pictures on facebook of the soo many gurls nigger was smashing came up. AND, i find out that not onli is he going around without discretion…he was also ‘smashing’ his baby momma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like WTF?? lol…i knw some might say ‘ what the hell were u doing with him’ but in the one year we were together he was loyal. that i can say. and that was the reason i stayed in the LDR.
    After going through the pain that comes with realizing that u r not as important as u thot u were to a person u clearly gave priority to in ur life, i was reconsidering cus after all….i put him thru hell in those 6 months cus i was sooo hurt n yet, he still persisted..damn! and btw, he denied having anything to do with his baby momma and some other girls.
    In feb, i decided to just give room for us to be on talking terms as mature, civilized pple and not just raining insults and bitterness…resentment type thangs. But the more we talked and tried to work things out..the more i realized we were sooooooooo different and how my ‘things u want in a man’ had changed…on the background, his exes would still do stuff like put pics of them together or use his pic as cover pic on fb and instagram n what not and my friends who clearly didnt want me talking to this guy were stalking n giving me reasons to just send this guy to the wolves. and when i brought this up to him, he wud say…they all want me (cus he’s very good looking and what not, kmt!!) at the end of the day, it was emotionally draining for me cus I really really thot we had something special. lol (to say i know) and i just felt like we were not on the same page and even if he tried to prove that he loved me and got both his parents and friends involved in convincing me cus he didnt want us to break up.. I just changed my number after a month of us trying, got off social media and cut off all possible medium for communication bcus i figured, why be committed to someone who isnt committed to u..esp in LDR which wud go on for as long as i was in school (medicine takes lonnng time).
    Now pics of him and different girls everyday (in very compromising kind of positions) on twitter, fb, instagram, whatsapp…. popping champagne,LOL..the ‘ive moved on’ phase is where he’s @ and im thinking…after all, the brutal cutting off is well -deserved. what say you about this break up? (mind u…talking about it would have only gotten him begging again like the preivous 6 months which would have got me reconsidering and going back back forth n forth…*segun arinzes serious voice* lol, random!)

    • Maryam

      April 21, 2013 at 1:36 pm

      Lol….same thing happened to me. I was in London and he was in Canada. Oh boy said he is falling for some other chick, but he still loves me…mtchewwww……it hurt at first because he’s my first love( u noe how it be). I already broke up with him in my head…so when he finally decided it didn’t hurt as bad

  86. kayman

    July 10, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    being in relationships can b very challenging, no relationship works on a platter of gold it takes hardwork, prayer and committment to make it work. i sympathize with chicks on dis issue n guys too cos its a two way thing. the best way to break up just b polite, mature n make up ur mind also make sure it is face to face n not in a secluded place, after that gradually reduce communication until d effect of d breakup subsides, if its too sudden omo una go kill person ooo so let it be gradual pls

  87. oluke

    April 22, 2015 at 6:08 am

    i think diffrent stlyes of break up for diffrent kind of relationship. so people need face to face if they deserve it and some need sms, and some a phone call.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features