Because I love Jim Collins and his business advice, and because I love love, and I love talking about relationships, I decided to combine my two loves in this article. When people contemplate marriage, they often think about this question, and wonder if they are making a mistake. We put our heads in our hands and ask ourselves: “So how do I know he is the one? I mean out of the millions of millions of people in the world, how do I know that this one guy is ‘The One?”
Ah! Baby girl I have come from the planet of Love and Jim Collins (shall we call it the planet of Loveollins?) to give you these answers that will rock your world and get you dancing because you are finally sure he is the one, or because you finally have a good reason to dump him. So let’s do this!
Do you share core values? – Okay so he’s fine, and every time you’re around him you think thoughts that make you thankful that we haven’t quite discovered how to read minds. You like the way his voice caresses you every time you hear it, and you like that his name rhymes with yours. All that is nice, but does he share your core values? If you are a traditional worshipper, is he also a traditional worshipper? If you like to steal, does he also like to steal? Hey I’m not judging your decisions, all I’m saying is that if you don’t share the most important things with him, then he’s probably not the one.
Do you need to tightly manage him? – So you find yourself checking his phone multiple times a day. You find yourself hacking into I mean reading his email multiple times a day. When he needs to buy underwear, or you need to get things done in your car, or in your house or anything at all, you know you can’t trust him to do it – or at least you can’t trust him to do it well. Well then baby girl, he may not be the one. If you need to manage everything he is doing just to ensure that it is done well, then it may be that you are dating a boy, and when you marry you want to make sure you marry a man. Why do you need to marry a man? There are just too many things to do in life, too many decisions to make, too many responsibilities… and if you have to stop every time to make sure that he is okay, not only will you be going much slower than you ought to, but you will also be very frustrated.
Does he understand that being with you is not a 9-5 job? – I mean does he understand that a relationship is just that – a relationship. He will never be off duty, he cannot say “Oh TGIF I can dump my woman now.” And if you think relationships are hard, then you’re definitely not ready for marriage. In marriage you are always on the job, always affecting your spouse for the better or the worse. If this guy is not willing to commit to a lifestyle change that removes 90% of the “I” from his vocabulary, and instead replaces it with “We,” then perhaps he is not the one for you. Or at least he is not the one you would enjoy being with in the best sense of the word.
Does he always do what he says he will do? – Ah! you know those guys, the ones that say they are on their way, and then they never show up, or the ones that say they will take your car to the mechanic, or to get it washed, and they never quite get the time to do it. Think about the ones that say they will buy that beautiful Coach purse for you, and they never quite have the money, even though they go shopping every weekend, or the ones that promise you a beautiful birthday present, and 6 years and 7 birthdays later, you’re still waiting. Consider the ones that say they will pick you up by 5:00pm and always end up picking you up around 11:00pm? Yeah those guys… it may be cute now, but by the time you’re getting married it won’t be cute anymore. You need someone responsible and reliable, someone you can rely upon, and build dreams with. So if you can’t trust your beau’s words, then perhaps he is not the one for a special treasure like you.
Is he incredibly passionate? – Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m not talking about all that. I’m talking about is he excited to be around you? Does he thank you for taking the time out of your very busy schedule to grace him with your presence? I once dated a guy that I always went out of my way to be around him, and he was always pretty nonchalant about it. I thought if I was a better girlfriend, or if I was more caring, or if I was more giving, things would change. Thankfully it finally dawned on me that things were not going to change. He wasn’t the one for me… and after I moved on… let’s just say things got much much better. So if your beau is not excited to hear your sultry voice, if he is not thankful to God and to you everyday, and does not bask in your ambience and shudder with the excitement of being in your presence, then perhaps he is not the one for you.
Is he mature and wise? – Baby girl everything you have read so far is very important, but if you take away one thing from this article, this would be it. Your beau must be mature and wise. I once read that wisdom is the ability to make the right decision in the right circumstance. Life is complicated, and relationships are even more complicated.
There will always be opportunities to give up on the relationship, opportunities to quarrel, opportunities to hurt, or get hurt, opportunities to do all sorts of things, and this is why you need a man that is mature and wise. The kind of man that can understand that your anger is not really directed at him, but it’s just your hormones, or the bad day you had at work. The kind of man who does all he can to ensure that you are taken care of, and protected. The kind of man who appreciates you for who you are whether you gain weight from carrying his big-headed children in your womb, or lose weight from an illness.
Now if your beau takes little things personally and if he doesn’t find it easy to forgive, then baby girl perhaps it is time to pack your bags and wait for Mr. Right to find you.
Photo Credit: Lina Hayes
Osayi Osar-Emokpae is not yet married, but she is passionately in love with her Mr. Right. She is an author, speaker, creative genius, social media enthusiast, and some other cool stuff. She is passionate about changing the world by changing herself, and spreading the contagion. You can get a free excerpt of her book: “Impossible is Stupid,” a book that encourages singles in their search for fulfillment and for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right at http://impossibleisstupid.com. You can read more relationship articles on her blog http://iyasostuff.com, Follow her on Pinterest, Twitter or Instagram @iyasostuff. You can also join the iyasostuff community on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/iyasostuff.