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Trying to Find “The One”? 6 Foolproof Ways to Identify Your Missing Rib

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Because I love Jim Collins and his business advice, and because I love love, and I love talking about relationships, I decided to combine my two loves in this article. When people contemplate marriage, they often think about this question, and wonder if they are making a mistake. We put our heads in our hands and ask ourselves: “So how do I know he is the one? I mean out of the millions of millions of people in the world, how do I know that this one guy is ‘The One?”

Ah! Baby girl I have come from the planet of Love and Jim Collins (shall we call it the planet of Loveollins?) to give you these answers that will rock your world and get you dancing because you are finally sure he is the one, or because you finally have a good reason to dump him. So let’s do this!

Do you share core values? – Okay so he’s fine, and every time you’re around him you think thoughts that make you thankful that we haven’t quite discovered how to read minds. You like the way his voice caresses you every time you hear it, and you like that his name rhymes with yours. All that is nice, but does he share your core values? If you are a traditional worshipper, is he also a traditional worshipper? If you like to steal, does he also like to steal? Hey I’m not judging your decisions, all I’m saying is that if you don’t share the most important things with him, then he’s probably not the one.

Do you need to tightly manage him? – So you find yourself checking his phone multiple times a day. You find yourself hacking into I mean reading his email multiple times a day.  When he needs to buy underwear, or you need to get things done in your car, or in your house or anything at all, you know you can’t trust him to do it – or at least you can’t trust him to do it well. Well then baby girl, he may not be the one. If you need to manage everything he is doing just to ensure that it is done well, then it may be that you are dating a boy, and when you marry you want to make sure you marry a man. Why do you need to marry a man? There are just too many things to do in life, too many decisions to make, too many responsibilities… and if you have to stop every time to make sure that he is okay, not only will you be going much slower than you ought to, but you will also be very frustrated.

Does he understand that being with you is not a 9-5 job? – I mean does he understand that a relationship is just that – a relationship. He will never be off duty, he cannot say “Oh TGIF I can dump my woman now.” And if you think relationships are hard, then you’re definitely not ready for marriage. In marriage you are always on the job, always affecting your spouse for the better or the worse. If this guy is not willing to commit to a lifestyle change that removes 90% of the “I” from his vocabulary, and instead replaces it with “We,” then perhaps he is not the one for you. Or at least he is not the one you would enjoy being with in the best sense of the word.

Does he always do what he says he will do? – Ah! you know those guys, the ones that say they are on their way, and then they never show up, or the ones that say they will take your car to the mechanic, or to get it washed, and they never quite get the time to do it. Think about the ones that say they will buy that beautiful Coach purse for you, and they never quite have the money, even though they go shopping every weekend, or the ones that promise you a beautiful birthday present, and 6 years and 7 birthdays later, you’re still waiting. Consider the ones that say they will pick you up by 5:00pm and  always end up picking you up around 11:00pm? Yeah those guys… it may be cute now, but by the time you’re getting married it won’t be cute anymore. You need someone responsible and reliable, someone you can rely upon, and build dreams with. So if you can’t trust your beau’s words, then perhaps he is not the one for a special treasure like you.

Is he incredibly passionate? – Get your mind out of the gutter!  I’m not talking about all that. I’m talking about is he excited to be around you? Does he thank you for taking the time out of your very busy schedule to grace him with your presence? I once dated a guy that I always went out of my way to be around him, and he was always pretty nonchalant about it. I thought if I was a better girlfriend, or if I was more caring, or if I was more giving, things would change. Thankfully it finally dawned on me that things were not going to change. He wasn’t the one for me… and after I moved on… let’s just say things got much much better. So if your beau is not excited to hear your sultry voice, if he is not thankful to God and to you everyday, and does not bask in your ambience and shudder with the excitement of being in your presence, then perhaps he is not the one for you.

Is he mature and wise? – Baby girl everything you have read so far is very important, but if you take away one thing from this article, this would be it. Your beau must be mature and wise. I once read that wisdom is the ability to make the right decision in the right circumstance. Life is complicated, and relationships are even more complicated.

There will always be opportunities to give up on the relationship, opportunities to quarrel, opportunities to hurt, or get hurt, opportunities to do all sorts of things, and this is why you need a man that is mature and wise. The kind of man that can understand that your anger is not really directed at him, but it’s just your hormones, or the bad day you had at work. The kind of man who does all he can to ensure that you are taken care of, and protected. The kind of man who appreciates you for who you are whether you gain weight from carrying his big-headed children in your womb, or lose weight from an illness.

Now if your beau takes little things personally and if he doesn’t find it easy to forgive, then baby girl perhaps it is time to pack your bags and wait for Mr. Right to find you.

Photo Credit: Lina Hayes
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Osayi Osar-Emokpae is not yet married, but she is passionately in love with her Mr. Right. She is an author, speaker, creative genius, social media enthusiast, and some other cool stuff. She is passionate about changing the world by changing herself, and spreading the contagion. You can get a free excerpt of her book: “Impossible is Stupid,” a book that encourages singles in their search for fulfillment and for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right at http://impossibleisstupid.com. You can read more relationship articles on her blog http://iyasostuff.com, Follow her on Pinterest, Twitter or Instagram @iyasostuff. You can also join the iyasostuff community on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/iyasostuff.

Osayi Lasisi is the creator of the Affiliate Program Advantage - she has been helping to create Affiliate Programs that sell products and services faster for over 5 years. You can connect with her and find out more - https://OsayiLasisi.com

58 Comments

  1. Teefah (www.that1960chick.com)

    May 31, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Why are all these “finding a partner articles” always targeted at women?
    Is he this? Is he that?
    Surely men need spouses too.

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      You are right Teefah! But because there are more women in the world than men, we often just settle for anything we can get…
      Maybe my next article will be directed at men… hmmm*** good idea…

      1
    • .....just saying

      May 31, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      Speak for yourself sweets. I didn’t settle 🙂

      1
    • Mma

      May 31, 2013 at 4:13 pm

      Lol. It is because a man finds his wife, and a women must see qualities that identify her husband.

      africansweetheart.blogspot.co.uk

      1
    • Oaken

      May 31, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      They have commoditized women…it’s rather pathetic…smh.

      1
  2. Mrs Rotimi Alakija

    May 31, 2013 at 11:44 am

    blah blah blah!!!! fed up of all these “how to find him” articles. y dont u do one for “how to spot her”. please tell me something i don’t know. Everywhere we go, its all about MEN!!!!! Like sum1 said, are they our visa to heaven??? e don do jor, can we give it a break already.

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      Mrs. Rotimi you are right oh! If a guy was my guide to heaven… maybe I would already be married. hehe… but sadly although you’ve read many of these articles, for some people this will be the first time they are reading something like this, or the first time they are reading it in a way that makes sense to them…
      Maybe this article does not speak to you… but stay tuned, maybe the next one will 🙂

      1
  3. MI CASA, SU CASA

    May 31, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Good article. Although, I understand the point behid behind the write-up, i honestly dont think there is any “sure and foolproof” method of identification. Different strokes for different folks…Take for instance, the ‘Always does what he says he will do” method…some people NEVER keep to time, some are totally absent-minded and cannot change to save their lives….i dont always do what i say i will do..haha .so does that mean i might not be right for who i am dating…even though he believes im the best thing since sliced bread (flaws and all)????Also, the last foolproof method,” mature and wise”. There are guys out there who people consider immature and foolish but to their better halves, are just right for them…..just saying.

    1
    • MI CASA, SU CASA

      May 31, 2013 at 11:51 am

      behind*

      1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Haba! of course there is never a foolproof method to anything…
      you are right, different strokes for different folks… every relationship is different.
      What I do know is that sometimes people go into marriages thinking that people will change. Yes he may forget something now and it’s no big deal, but if he forgets to pick you up from work, while your car is at the mechanic’s or if he is late to pick up the children from school (and you don’t have help) or any of those little things that make a marriage work… then things start to fall apart…
      However, there are people that still work well together, even if they don’t meet these things, it just takes a special level of grace and understanding, and being okay with the way they are, whether they change or not…
      Su casa es mi casa? gracias! 🙂

      1
    • MI CASA, SU CASA

      June 3, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      si…..mi casa, su casa 😉

      1
    • jcsgirl

      May 31, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      You’re so right tough. I remember one of my girlfriends who fell in love and married this guy that didn’t meet the maturity criteria. I mean dude didn’t even know how to drive when they were dating. He will take bus and train everywhere. Had been in one job for donkey years and very content. He was even a virgin…I mean never had girlfriend before. But he was a sweetheart…such a darling, thoughtful and caring. This girl married this guy and cleaned him up. I mean cleaned and buffed him. He got drivers license, got a higher paying job, they bought a house, changed his wardrobe and is the doting dad of two adorables. Oh did I mention he is soo passionate about the things of God. They are doing great now going on 7 yrs of marriage and I can’t even recognize him. Soo diff strokes for diff ppl.
      My own motto, marry someone you can chop their S**t and still look at them and I say I love you…this goes for men and women o

      1
    • Princess Kakyuu

      May 26, 2017 at 8:02 am

      Yeah , I agree ! Some of the signs may not be found in him but that doesn’t mean he’s not ” the one ” . I am just bothered by the second & third sign because based on what I see in him , though we’re not together yet since he doesn’t court me yet so we are on this stage called ” mutual understanding ” — it’s a stage where two people know that they have this same emotion towards each other yet they are not official at the moment . His eyes are easily caught by beautiful women that passes by , just like any other man , I , being a jealous person , get pissed off . I don’t know if he would change if ever we get together , not to mention that he have a high – risk with what I have said because of his profession , talking to people was an inevitable part of it . Sign # 3 is also a concern because I don’t know if he’s willing to give up his social life for me . Like I said , we are not together yet so I have a ton to know about him , I just want to say what my worries are and I hope the author or even anyone here can give a good advice for this one . I really need it please ! Thanks ! :*

      1
  4. Retrochic

    May 31, 2013 at 11:56 am

    am so happy my boo meets all these criteria’s

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 1:54 pm

      Retrochic!!!!
      Yay! congratulations…
      Abeg invite me to the wedding oh 🙂

      But seriously I’m happy for you, I’m always glad to see happy and healthy relationships.
      Congratulations once again!

      1
    • Princess Kakyuu

      May 26, 2017 at 8:07 am

      Congats ! I wish he would be like that too someday ! *.*

      1
  5. Retrochic

    May 31, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    for the love of God, y is bella not publishing my comments

    1
  6. Zhelloyi

    May 31, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    My “beau” is a wonderful man. He’s the kinda man every woman dreams of from physique to character to the way he treats me. In short he gets a perfect 10/10 in every aspect Osayi has highlighted, sometimes i tell him i am waiting for him to mess up so that ill confirm he’s human (I’m not exaggerating) but he takes little things really personally and i think he finds it hard to forgive because he can stay annoyed for hours on end. He may say he has accepted my apology and all is pie but his attitude will be crap.
    Does this mean he is not the one for me? LOL!

    1
    • dontmention

      May 31, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      This girl abeg begin to tell me now wetter we r both dating the same guy Bc u just described my boyfriend to a t…….wow….or shud we know ourselves somehow?….dat aside…..I love my boyfriend to bits n even dat wouldn’t make me leave him oh Bc he is the exact kind of man I have been praying n hoping for n any woman’s dream man…….sometimes I just look at him n tell myself I don’t want to wake up if it is a dream especially knowing myself n knowing how difficult I can b sometimes……I know I found my match or ‘the one ” for me….

      1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 3:46 pm

      awwwww… see that’s the kind of thing I like to hear!
      I pray that your relationship will only get sweeterer and sweeterer 🙂

      1
    • kokolette04

      May 31, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      You seem like you enjoy being in a relationship with this guy, the fact that he has an unforgiving attitude doesn’t make him not the one. That’s where you come in, if you know the value in forgiveness, you have to teach him. That means when you have altercations, be the bigger person and forgive, every single time. He will change, because he will see that it doesn’t take too much to forgive.

      1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      Aunty Z! That’s a good one…
      Well if he knows this is an issue and he is willing to work on it, and you’re willing to work on it with him… then I don’t see the problem…
      If he doesn’t see it as an issue…and he just gets angrier and moody… and he withdraws from you… well you need to be praying because that can lead to other things…

      1
    • Princess Kakyuu

      May 26, 2017 at 8:15 am

      @Zhelloyi I think he’s a mediator — it’s a type of personality that I have too but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good man . For me it’s the best personality ever not because I am like that but it’s the personality with the ” biggest heart ” of all as far I knew . You can research about it to see for yourself but for your boyfriend , for me he is ” the one ” , you just have to adjust . Just saying ! 🙂

      1
  7. Mama Mia!!!

    May 31, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Hello, I thought we have gone past the ‘Why men love/marry bitches’ kind of talk by now. Truth be told men are unpredictable. well, all humans are. But, a man will shock you at his choice of women even his behaviour towards certain issues will leave you numb whether you do as the so called ‘ girl’s guide’ says. Look, my only advice is to be yourself confidently no matter what society says.

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      Hmm… I don’t think men are unpredictable… honestly I don’t think anyone is unpredictable. There are things you do when you truly love and respect someone (at least when you know what it means to love and respect someone)…
      So if Mr. Boo Love is doing things to show that he is selfish and self-centered, that does not show that he is unpredictable, it just shows that the girl likes him too much to see what he is trying to tell her…

      1
  8. Comfort

    May 31, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    This article was just weird, I think that marriage has become partnership, now more than ever…So we need to stop having boxes to tick for the correct guy, its about time we understood that we must work together. It is not an exam, biko!

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 1:53 pm

      Aunty Comfort you are very right!
      And every relationship is different…
      But one thing I have learned from reading A LOT of relationship books, and being in a few relationships myself is that sometimes you need the check boxes to help you make a better decision instead of just following your feelings… because I for one know that my feelings have led me astray multiple times… (*sigh* ahhh… let me not start oh!)

      1
  9. Abiola

    May 31, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    i am with the right Man…#dancing#

    1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      Abiola! Well done oh!
      I’m *dancing* with you…. YAY!!!!

      1
  10. tehhehehehehe

    May 31, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Perrraps you blinded the moderator with multiple criteria’s and she decided to spare the rest of us.:D Criteria IS the plural word for criterion. One love:*

    1
  11. lx

    May 31, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    The fact is most men I know are nonchalants and that’s no reason to judge or question his quality of love. Also, any girl that need me to take her car to the mechanic or to car wash is joking. I will not even date a girl I think may ask for her car to be washed or fixed. Whatever happens to personal responsibility and taking care of yourself.

    1
    • Msunderstood

      May 31, 2013 at 5:08 pm

      Haha, wow. I don’t even know what to say to u. U can’t do that for someone u love? Step aside Jo.

      1
    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Thank you 🙂

      1
    • Eve

      June 1, 2013 at 9:23 am

      Lx maybe in Nigeria, it is a big deal, but here in the United States, it is not. I see people doing it every now and then. Nobody is holding a gun to your head, it is just the norm. You remind me of my last visit to Nigeria. I have become so used to having men open doors for me, esp. when I go to places, waiting first for the lady to get on the elevator, allowing them to get off first…and these are strangers, not even people you know. How about I’m walking into a building with a guy in naija, I stop in front of the door, automatically thinking he will open it and let me pass, this dude paused and looked at me, I eventually had to open the door myself, and he had the nerve to walk in b4 me…lol! I just said to myself, welcome to naija 🙂

      1
  12. Hilda

    May 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    My boyfriend and i have been friends for 5 years. He was my best guy friend, we even helped each other out when we were in crappy relationships. We even tried to hook each other up! But oneday we decided to give us a go and its been GREAT! He ticks all the boxes for me and i hope all goes well

  13. Abiola

    May 31, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    lol

  14. Kim

    May 31, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Mehn! the last one is jst for me, my beau takes little things personnal even if he’s @ fault

  15. eniola

    May 31, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Nice write – up. I don’t think guides can ever be enough on how to make our choices when it comes to relationships. And at the same time, it’s not everything we read that works for every man, we are all not perfect – I’m a preacher of this saying, but some attitudes to life are just not comprehensible.e.g the way a guy reacts to simple situations, the way he handles serious issues with levity,non-nonchalant attitude to matters that concern me, not setting his priorities right, living everyday as it comes, no plans for the future etc etc. Once I had a boyfriend, who because he was traveling out of the country to sought greener pasture gave out everything he had back home, not sold o! He didn’t make proper inquiry before embarking on the journey, got there and things weren’t the way they were described to him. Broz was back in 6days couldn’t even breath there and bad as e bad, he was almost stranded there. So, u see height of foolishness? So peeps tips on finding Le Beau is never too much and vice-versa. My one penny.

    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 3:51 pm

      Thank you Eniola!
      That’s why I keep writing 🙂

    • Oaken

      May 31, 2013 at 4:56 pm

      Wow…thanks etiolated for eloquently stating your point. Thus reminds me of some guy I dated…all he wanted from me was money and I refused to be his sugar mama so the next argument we had the bastard was like “this drama is too much, sorry I don’t think I can do this, I’d prefer not to hear from you for the rest of my life”. I busrsted out laughing and he asked what was funny. I said well, isn’t it ironic how last week you are the same mofo asking me for $10,000 loan for ur business and this week, I’m too dramatic and you want to be alone? Lmao. He swore up and down that it had nothing to do with the loan and I was like forget you, ole, gold digger” it ain’t like you are my husband so pray tell what right have you to be asking me for money. I went into this rant to reassert the fact that a lot of these men have horrible stress coping mechanism. Their willingness to run to the next available chic cos they aren’t having their way with the other one is rather alarming

    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 6:23 pm

      ahh… please run away from such men oh!!! Chai!

    • mo

      June 1, 2013 at 7:46 am

      hmmmm………..

    • Miss m

      June 1, 2013 at 5:38 am

      It’s so funny! My dear, a woman can deliver a man she loves 4rm foolishness, laziness. Mine was laziness but true love is a beautiful thing Cus he will always listen to ur intuitive suggestions. Mine decided to start a business after 2yearz of joblessness and staying at home playing ps3(someone in his late 20’s). First of all I started by talking sternly 2 him in a way to tell him he wasn’t ashamed of himself. Love is really sweet Cus if he didn’t love me he would have broken up with me. I also pray 4 him. Now he has gotten a job n is planning on a wonderful bigger business idea. Nothing is impossible with prayer,love n support

    • bukky et al

      June 1, 2013 at 8:42 am

      channel your energy towards him and his family and other like minds. quit been a hypocrite, it will do you more good. mog

  16. kokolette04

    May 31, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    The funny thing that i have noticed about this articles is that they are always so typical and generalized. EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT. I have been happily married for 10 years, and before God and man if i knew all the answers or waited to see all these signs in my man i would have still been single or married the wrong guy. All you need to know is that when you find the right person HE COMPLETES YOU! and vice versa. Meaning, you strengthen he’s weaknesses with your strengths and he does the same for you. When you meet such a person, your life becomes much better than it has ever been. It is not about if he calls you all the time or not, or any of those signs listed above, the wrong man can still do all those things. I share core values with my true friends that doesn’t make them my better half. Your better half, is your better half in it’s true sense, God didn’t call it that way for no reason.

    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      interesting points… I like your perspective… you are right every relationship is different…
      But nobody can complete you oh! and nobody is your better half…

      Nevertheless, I’m glad things worked out for you… I pray your marriage gets betterer and betterer everyday! honestly, married people like you inspire me 🙂

  17. ovuoke

    May 31, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    *Yeah those guys… it may be cute now*… err, that is never cute. I wish more people would realise that words do carry value. We shouldn’t just talk for talking sake.

    • Osayi Osar-Emokpae

      May 31, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      Very true! Very true!
      It’s cute until someone gets hurt…

  18. bukky et al

    June 1, 2013 at 8:47 am

    personally I think the last point sums it all up. you sure don’t want an immature and foolish young man. money cannot buy happiness. GO!

  19. yay! It's june!!!

    June 1, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    SHARING CORE VALUES WITH YOUR PARTNER IS VERY IMPORTANT IN FULFILLING ONES DESTINY AND WRITER I MUST SAY YOU NEELED IT RIGHT THERE. If you both don’t have similar vision then she probably not the one. So for those that have it all figured out, please go get your girl. Shalom!

  20. yay! It's june!!!

    June 1, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    she’s

  21. yay! It's june!!!

    June 1, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    nailed

  22. temitee

    June 1, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    Seriously where are all dis good men y’all talking abt? Cos it seems iv been meeting the wrong ones oo! The write up is so inspiring and most of d comments are so interesting and funny.. Iv learnt a lot sha! Atlst I’l kno wat to look out for when I meet a real man now.. Quite interesting, will ff you on twitter for more of such updates

  23. peytons cross

    June 2, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    honestly why are we always talking bout knowing the one finding the one all the time and energy people invest into rlshps if they directed them towards other things they would be happier.its either its meant to be or it isnt its that simple na wa oh finding man abi na keeping man come hard pass passing bar par 2

  24. modupe

    June 6, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    very lovely

  25. nodeby

    June 9, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    y would she call an unborn baby “big headed”?????

  26. Kal

    March 15, 2019 at 6:40 pm

    It’s cool to search for your missing rib
    But it has never being easy to find that Mrs. Right.
    Cool your mind the door is open.

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