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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: The Yin to Your Yang




I was filling out a form to create a profile for online dating last week and one of the questions that was asked was “what do you do to relax?” and without batting an eyelid I swiftly wrote “Watching TV”. Then it occurred to me that I might be giving off an aura of someone who’s a bum but then I couldn’t actually say “Reading encyclopedias”. That would have been downright dishonest and boring as hell so I decided to stick to the truth. And the truth it really is, because at 9PM last night, the 4th season of the best TV show that exists (on this planet! Yes!) premiered last night. Ladies and Gentlemen, Downton Abbey is THE TRUTH and I’m very glad that in those 2 hours as I stretched out on my sofa cradling my large mug, feet all nicely padded in socks I was genuinely happy.  I didn’t lie in my profile.

So how did I get to the point of  registering an online dating profile?  I’ve been incredibly bored and nothing has been happening in my life. It feels like I’ve been in a bubble and it had even begun to reflect in my writing. I live in a city where I don’t know anybody and the closest thing I have to human interaction is Skyping with K.B! I needed to do something interesting, something to plop myself out of this bubble.  I consulted with Glory since she had online dating experience and she’d written two articles on it before.{Read them here – Internet Love, To Google or Not to Google} … I was on my way to finding True Love.

How do you know when you’ve found true love? Does your heart really beat twice as fast when the object of your affection is in the room? Is it like in the movies when everything comes to a halt and there’s just two of you in the entire galaxy? Do you know it is true love when you kiss and instinctively your eyes are forced shut by some force beyond your comprehension and you find you’re perfectly well balanced standing on one leg? Or is it by one glance at a post online with a mention of his net worth and you know that if the fates just align themselves rightly…if only!

I spent this weekend with chatting someone who is positively fixated on the subject of love and other ancillary matters. Her condition is, however, very dynamic. A few weeks ago she was in love with Alex Okosi… the promise of all that wealth and she was sure that all she needed was for someone at MTV to make the introductions. Last week, she joined the list of other hopefuls online to long for Ladi Delano. We came to the conclusion that true love will find her one day and if she was lucky, the dude cupid chose to shoot will have a shed load of money at his disposal.

On a more serious note though, how do you know you have found The One. How do you know that this person… is the Yin to your Yang? It shouldn’t really matter where you met the person… Perhaps you guys locked eyes as his escalator was going down and yours was on its way up?

How did you know your person was YOUR person and if you haven’t quite found the ONE yet, how do you envision it would be? Like the movies? Is it that person that takes you to the edge of the solar system just by touching your nape? Or will you just know because there’s nobody else?

Let’s just have fun this morning. It’s the start of a beautiful week people. Let’s make it count and start on the note of LOVE!

Peace, love & cupcakes!


Photo Credit:

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. tutsie

    September 23, 2013 at 11:02 am

    hmmmn yin to my yang…where are u biko?

    • Zurielle

      September 23, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      Type 700tips on google and you will find it

  2. beforesheimplodes

    September 23, 2013 at 11:07 am

    LOL! I used to think so many things before…when you see the one your pupils would be dilated, I would feel faint, butterflies the whole shebang…however this has happened too many times. I cannot have more than one “the one” abi? Lol

    • Purpleicious Babe

      December 10, 2013 at 1:25 am

      lool.. I think all that happened was mere “attraction”. Again what Atoke described was also mere attraction. All these love things are all attraction. Love is not a feeling just like a hate isnt a feeling. Its all decisions that we make contributed by various factors.

  3. Annie

    September 23, 2013 at 11:12 am

    The the comments come biko..dunno how it feels any more, one moment u think this could be it the next moment it all disappears, ike adigi’m azo. will relax, enjoy ur comments, haaa, i am thinking i ve found “the one” already..lols..just a thought

    • Que

      September 23, 2013 at 11:42 am

      hahahahaaaaa nne I feel u with that ‘…one moment u think this could be it the next moment it all disappears, ike adigi’m azo…’ but in my experience my one serious love happened very slowly…it was a culmination of actions, words and thoughts shared and one day d realization set in that somewhere in between love had happened and we were happy with that… It lasted a long while and d relationship ended for its own reasons but love doesn’t die, it evolves… so now we have a respectable distance luv n friendship, if i think of you, i pray for u…and life goes on. I’m waiting for the next great one, and I don’t even doubt that its existence…. #ExpectantAlways. <3

    • Que

      September 23, 2013 at 11:44 am

      *correction please*- closing line- ‘…I don’t even doubt its existence…’ cheers!

    • NK

      September 24, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      @Que, I feel u. You still think, pray and love from a distance. Haba Que please give it one more try. I did after doing the same thing you are doing for 3years. we have been married for 13yrs now and i have never regretted it. Has it been rosy all the way? No but i have peace. I cant trade it for anything.There is no harm in trying since the love has even evolved to love and not hate.

  4. Iyke

    September 23, 2013 at 11:24 am

    When you get to that STAGE in life, where you begin to set out the qualities you look out for in a partner, am afraid, in my opinion, that is not ‘LOVE’…maybe qualities you can live and work with to be able to thrive in a stable relationship.
    To find the LOVE, you must first become the LOVE….. Self love…the greatest and most important love one could ever bestow upon oneself… It is the foundation of true love…the barometer of all love given and received… It is the love that determines your understanding of love…defines the care and experience of love…the measure of love…as you live a life of love… In a world that often misshapes…deceives and abuses love… Belittles…dismisses and takes advantage of love… Self love protects and restores loss love…damaged love…forgotten love… Recognizing the goodness and the grace of love…the true benefit and power of love.
    We all need it…acknowledged or not…love is the embodiment of both our greatest weakness and unmeasurable strength… Self love gives us the ability to honor…respect and embrace the responsibility of love…to love and be loved in return…is the miracle of love…
    So get some self love first, and in so doing, you will become irresistible to that person that you have been waiting for, whether you haven’t met them yet or whether you’ve been married to them for thirty years!

  5. AA

    September 23, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Am I the only one whose eyes turned red at the end of this post “Or will you just know because there’s nobody else?”, like does this mean God forbid, one is option-less and has to make this one The One? Pls say it aint so

  6. Mz Socially Awkward...

    September 23, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Atoke, I was having evil thoughts about my ex this morning (just found out yet another one of his buds recently got hitched, which just makes me dread the day I’ll hear of his own nuptials) and my broiling rage gets even more intense when I think back to when I foolishly imagined he was “the one” and stupidly allowed love to overrule common sense.

    Online dating is starting to sound like the practical way to go, ain’t nobody got time for those yin-yang illusions anymore. Go ahead and jump right into it; if nothing else, it’ll be a great way to get out more and meet new people.

    • Sene pa se kini

      September 23, 2013 at 11:50 am

      Lol @boiling rage. I heard mine had his introduction just over a year after we broke up and I have never felt so much relief in my life after the initial shock wore off that is. Why are you dreading the news na. If you will be angry about it it is better than being sad about it. My case was different sha. It wasn’t love. me I have not felt it yet and that is something I am looking forward to feeling just so i can assure myself that i am normal. 3 ex boyfriends never loved any. The Yin to your yang does exist. I’ve seen it in some couples and I am just waiting for my own.


      September 24, 2013 at 8:07 pm

      MZ SA, please don’t ever let someone else control your emotions. I read your comments all the time and you seem like a very cool person. My dear, the sooner you let go completely the better for you. Life is too short for one bad relationship to ruin your whole life. There’s just too much to do and experience in this life. As they say “The world is your oyster” so get up and get going!

  7. eniola

    September 23, 2013 at 11:34 am

    LOOL. I don’t even know again. Once i felt this thingly* feeling at the sole of my feet when i met my ex and there was this blood rush in my system when we first kissed, we lasted 3 years plus. Next i see a fine dude and experience the same symptoms and then my eyes does a quick scan at his forth finger and gbam the adrenaline rush clots.
    Jesus take the wheel!

  8. Bimpe

    September 23, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Hehehe. Atoke, this is would have been hilarious. if it wasnt so true on some notes. So, i am not alone on this internet love thingy. is it that most of us have our better halves on the other side of our continent or do we just find it convenient to meet people who we get to dictate how much of us they know or can see for a substantial (or initial) part of the whole relationship stuff. On the other hand, it maybe easier to commit on such terms #i hope those with commitment issues are hearing! this may be a solution. Eitherway, i hope it works well for y’all

  9. Anonymous

    September 23, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Meanwhile am I d only one who didn’t enjoy downtown abbey?

    • Sene pa se kini

      September 23, 2013 at 11:53 am

      Same here. I was waiting to cry with Mary and grieve with the whole family. I have had months of mourning matthews loss and watching season 1 – 3 like 10 times and I wanted that grief to play out on tv so i can shut the door once and for all. Mschew. Now i am pissed. They made it sound like he went to America or something. I know the guy offended Julian Fellows with his need to find fame in America but haba Julian no try at all. lol

    • Loma

      September 23, 2013 at 2:07 pm

      Thank goodness I’m not alone…I really hated last night’s episode of DA and I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was …very disappointing indeed.

    • Bleed blue

      September 23, 2013 at 11:35 pm

      Ahn ahn! See transcipt of the episode. I Sky+’d it naaa! 🙁

  10. Irene

    September 23, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Downton Abbey!!!yayyyyyyyyyiiii!!!yayyyyyyyyi!!Super excited !

  11. Bimpe

    September 23, 2013 at 11:49 am


  12. phummie

    September 23, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Hmmmmm. how do u know? does one really know. the truth God is the only One that can tell u d one but from my experience, i advice that once u KIND OF like the guy that from every indication u re sure he luvs u, plz grab him and keep him. Cos as soon as u have ur ring on, its a whole different ball game. Am not for dat crap that they say dat a woman should love her husband more………NO. A man should be more inlove in marriage cos women can grow to love. So i guess my point is u dont have to have birds and butterfly hovering over u all d time for u to pick d one, but if u kind of like him, u can grow to love him.

    • Sene pa se kini

      September 23, 2013 at 12:09 pm

      kind of like him. Then you must be very selfish. He loves
      you and you kind of like him. He is getting the short end of the
      stick. What now happens when you are married and you meet someone
      you fall totally heads over heels in love with. I have seen it
      before. My cousin walked out of a marriage with one child and a
      second trimester pregnancy. It looked like film trick. The new guy
      accepted her kids and all but they did not get married until she
      had the baby. Theirs is a great love and we have never seen her
      that happy. Her over loved up hubby is yet to recover. He lost his
      wife and kids in one big swoop. She followed advice like yours (if
      you kind of like him and he loves you, jump at the ring when he
      brings it). She had no business marrying him. Love is not selfish.
      Love SHOULD be reciprocated. It is the height of selfishness to
      marry a guy you don’t love but loves you.

    • Ikwiks!

      September 23, 2013 at 3:33 pm

      Jesuuuuu oluwa wa oooo!!! You have just opened my eyes
      wella…What ur cuz did is my worst nightmare… manage manage
      luv… I have 2 guys on my case, comparable in many regards, I’m
      certain I like one more than the other cos there’s an attraction to
      speak of and I see myself making plans with him, but d oda one I’m
      not attracted to at all is more into me, my goals n life plans…
      being a go-getter himself, he gets it, encourages it n all and I
      LOVE that..he’s wayyy funnier too but I cant help feelin like I’m
      holding out for sumthn/someone else… He makes sense in my head,
      but my heart has refused to agree… n if I agree he’ll certainly
      be on d short end of d stick side… so I’ve quietly let it be so
      far, cos God forbid I go on with him, n realise dat my
      ‘kind-of-liking him’ didn’t bloom into genuinely loving him n
      forsaking all others….#InstantDepression??? My last rship tot me
      d same, 18 months and all I had for him was more of brotherly love
      and respect dan anything else- kiss sef go hard, he made sense in
      my head too- kind, romantic, hardworking, Godfearing…d works!
      Then we talked of getting married n buying my ring, and I went to
      bed n almost choked in my sleep with anxiety cos I’d dreamed dat I
      was being dressed on the day of my wedding to him- I woke up
      knowing it was time to get out, but I still stayed till he goofed
      big time n I even forgave that, but it had opened my eyes…Mr
      perfect too was fallible like any other, I had to choose wisely- I
      got out, and it still hurt cos I cared bout him, but the kind of
      relief I’ve felt since knows no bounds- I bumpd into him in lag
      recently, sandwiched btw two chics n it was like seeing my brother
      flirt #Sigh of relief… I no dey do ‘kind-of-liking’ again

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      September 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      DANG!!!!!!! O.o

    • Sene pa se kini

      September 23, 2013 at 4:01 pm

      It is as if i was reading about myself. Oh thank you. I know i am weird but i am normal. I used to have panic attacks at the thought of marrying my ex. Panic attacks that started from nightmares to during the day hyper ventillations when he mentioned going past a jewellery store because i didn’t have the mind to say no to him if he asked because he was a good guy. Thank goodness he too goofed big time and we parted ways. I know what your relief feels like. My cousin’s case is always an example for me. Manage manage love. I can’t deal. I too always knew i was holding out for something amazing and I know i can do the same thing she did. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. He is also getting married next year but I am not bothered at all. I will share something a friend said to me when i complained about not loving this guy that everyone loved and thought was perfect for me. She said babes. He is getting the short end of the stick and it is not fair. Let him go. It is not fair to you and most of all him. He is a good guy and he deserves a woman who loves him too. Where you are heading both of you will be miserable because he is one day going to get tired of waiting for you to grow to love him and he will seek affection outside just to feel loved by a woman. You too you will be miserable as hell because you will not be satisfied. Marry him and you resign yourself to a life of what if. What if i had waited and i met some amazing love later. I held on to those words and bid my time because i did not want to break up with him for no reason. Thankfully the reason came and he goofed big time. Ordinarily i would have forgiven him but i held on to her advice and stuck to my guns. Yin Yang exists. My cousin is so happy it is difficult to believe she came to that love from a messy circumstance. She is happy now and her ex hubby is the loser here. Totally not fair but what will she do. Love is the only time you are allowed to be selfish. We pray he too finds someone else that will love him.

    • Jo!

      September 23, 2013 at 6:09 pm

      Wow! WOW!!!
      This here is ME!……..
      “My last rship tot me d same, 18 months and all I had for him was more of brotherly love and respect dan anything else- kiss sef go hard, he made sense in my head too- kind, romantic, hardworking, Godfearing…d works!
      Then we talked of getting married n buying my ring, and I went to bed n almost choked in my sleep with anxiety cos I’d dreamed dat I was being dressed on the day of my wedding to him- I woke up knowing it was time to get out”….

      This is me! as in ME! 18 months, perfect guy, godfearing, wedding plans, panic attacks, brotherly feeling, just broke up……. everythang===ME! he didn’t even goof, my heart just wasn’t there, I was imagining my wedding day, and all I could think about is bursting into tears. It made total sense in my head, but my heart just refused to agree, breaking up was soooooo hard, I cried for days, but I just had to let him go. He’s too good to not marry someone absolutely in love with him. And I refuse to marry someone I’m not in love with, I deserve more, I mean forever o. *shivers*

    • one person

      September 24, 2013 at 12:55 am

      That’s your cousin experience. I know many who marry men who love them more and are extremely satisfied with their decision. If you are having nightmares about being with the guy by all means cut it off. But if you do like/love, care for, respect and find him attractive please give it a shot. Your cousin certainly felt NOTHING for her husband to do what she did. She is selfish alright. I doubt she even liked him. As many pastors will point out, the Bible says a man should love his wife and she in return should respect her husband. Men thrive on respect first and women respond to love. This is why women are encouraged to marry men who love them more! Please don’t go marrying any man who is working your heart like bowflex in this age and time. Shit is real out there.

    • Bim

      September 24, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      What kind of life is that. To be extremely satisfied just sounds very sad. Years down the line when your children have left the house. You will find that extremely satisfied will turn to loneliness and heartache. Every man and every woman deserves to feel that special kind of love for another human being. Being extremely satisfied is not fair to the man at all. Not excusing why they cheat but if you love a woman and all you get back in return is that she is extremely satisfied. Like everyone has said above that man is getting the short end of the stick. Just because extremely satisfied is the norm doesn’t mean it is right. Just to marry sha, you will settle for extremely satisfied. No o biko. You took a vow to love and cherish. Those words are just empty words if you don’t love the guy but you kind of like him. Men thrive on respect and women on love. You are just twisting the Bible to suit your argument. Every human being, male or female thrives on love. It is better to grow to love the person while you are dating than marry the person in the hope you will grow to love them. Big gamble of your life

    • sek

      September 24, 2013 at 2:14 pm

      Bims life decisions is all a gamble. I have also heard that saying by pastors as well. It is word for word in the Bible. If I read what person said correctly she said it is best for him to love you more she didn’t say don’t love the man. Stop misquoting people. No two people can love equally. Fact! Gamble wisely. thatrisall#

    • one person

      September 24, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      I knew someone would misquote me. @bims read what I wrote well before you comment. I never said marry someone you felt nothing for. I don’t know how you can even be with someone you feel nothing for. Please ask any woman who has been married for over 20 years better yet those who are divorced, about who should love MORE in a romantic union. I don’t know how a woman can be very satisfied in marriage with a man and the man doesn’t feel loved. It’s contradictory. If you feel nothing or very little for the person, satisfaction will not be in your dictionary. A satisfied woman will reciprocate with love no matter what. If you go and marry a man you feel nothing for who doesn’t even know what being a man or married man is about, you are on your own.
      Love and everything about it is a gamble. People who are madly in love can’t stand each other years after. There are those who couldn’t stand each other that are madly in love years later. We should only pray that despite how the love may start, that it be a lasting love at the end of it all. As they say, all that ends well is well. As sek said no two people love equally. One will always get the shorter stick. Make your choice…

    • Amiphat

      September 25, 2013 at 10:57 am

      @Sene pa se kini. Sometimes we jump at the “kinda like him “dude because we’ve been there and done the love thing and it did not work out. We then try to use our heads instead of our hearts to analyse relationships.

      Love’s a bitch.

  13. la belle

    September 23, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    i am soooo in crush and probably a little bit in love with
    this guy that i met about a year ago, naturally meeting a guy,
    hanging out and just having fun has always been like an experience
    i’m open to at any time because it feels like life is a book and
    with each new person you meet, there’s a new chapter. but this
    particular guy just feels me with so much……anxiety or will i
    say(don’t even know the word to use) i actually feel shy at the
    thought of seeing him. so i keep postponing meeting him, giving
    excuses and all just so that i can figure out why i feel the way i
    feel. meanwhile all i can think and dream about is him…..i’ve
    decided to put myself out there with him and see how it goes, just
    hope he’s the one though cos this try and error journey for the one
    while living my life the best way i can and being productive is
    actually annoying

  14. Nucci

    September 23, 2013 at 12:15 pm!!..”ike adigi’m azo”..meaning??

    • Annie

      September 23, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      Meaning the whole search for “the one”is tiring, the whole feeling this is it and then zam, feeling disappears.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 23, 2013 at 2:08 pm

      word for word it means ‘i dont have strenght again’

  15. TA

    September 23, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Atoke of Life! what happen nau? I have been refreshing this page over and over again since 8:00 am. Please dont keep me waiting next week,ya heard? LOL 🙂
    This Yin to Yang matter…jury’ds still out …no one has found the answer yet o!
    Personally,what rocks my boat is a tenacious man,extremely hardworking,a workaholic actually and a man who loves God (at the risk of sounding corny) . A man who loves God more than he would ever love me. If he has both and is taller than me,plus speaks books,documentaries,travel,food,more food,top gear. AH! ;-)Then he has spelt the word YIN.
    Peace,Love and hot moi moi to you all. 🙂

    • Chris

      September 24, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      Ayeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the qualities i want right there! GBAMMMMEST!

    • miss moji

      September 25, 2013 at 10:25 am

      My Precious has all you have listed and more! He’s the ying to my yang and I found him right here!

  16. L2

    September 23, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    With you ‘Downton Abbey’………… Ova truth dey worry am sef.

  17. Ibukun

    September 23, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    DOWNTON ABBEY!!! Mz socially awkward has spoken my mind, can’t believe i thought my ex was “the one” ewwwwwhyuckyamayama!

    • Annie

      September 23, 2013 at 1:53 pm

      Meaning the whole search for “the one”is tiring, the whole feeling this is it and then zam, feeling disappears. Lols, when u go ewwwhyuckyyamayama, do u know its possible he goes same way? lols, life is like that, most time we think our exes are the most fantastic people/person on this planet until the become our exes and we meet a very fantabulous guy…….

  18. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 23, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    First is the look that makes you tingle
    The touch that makes you melt
    The calls you wait for endlessly
    And sms’ pings and msgs’ you can recite
    The kiss that leaves you breathless
    The love that makes you feel blessed
    The ying to your yang
    Is now the stupid bloke who broke your heart
    And dared to call your womanly curves fat!!!

    • Que

      September 23, 2013 at 4:01 pm

      GBAMMMMM!!! looooooollllll………….

  19. smashingM

    September 23, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Met one online and later physically and it felt so right, i lost myself in it thinking “finally! here’s the one”! but guess what? it wasn’t. Met (not really meet cos he’s been on me for 2 years bt i ignored him simply because of the proximity of our work places) THE ONE early last year. Went out with him just to unwind, go back home and ignore him as usual…but guess what? i enjoyed the company so much that it became a daily thingy n i started feeling the blood rush and leg tingling..winks*. we’re tying the knot 2nd week of November. Pray for me. piece of advice: love is lurking at all corners, u’re just not checking out the right corner

  20. nira

    September 23, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    personally, I think one can fall in love a number of times but “the one” is actually the person that has been ordained by God as one’s life partner, to love and to have. I have been in four relationships and I have truly loved each one of these four guys that I was convinced that they were “the one” but it was not to be……I personally think falling in love with someone dosent mean that he or she is “the One”……….I personally some man men and women that are those very in love and faithful with their respective spouses and still have some hidden affection for their exes..

  21. X- Factor

    September 23, 2013 at 1:22 pm


  22. Pipi

    September 23, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    I have never been as confused as I am now. I have always been d one who loves less, then I meet my current boyfriend then from friends we became lovers, after 7 months this guy has never said he loves me but his actions shows it. Then I ask him, oga says he doesn’t feel d storybook type of feelings for me , his heart doesn’t pump or go numb, he likes me for some check list reasons. Hmmmm I was so broken hearted. We are still dating though long distance, am hoping all we actually need is Tom ( because he is actually a wonderful boyfriend) and on the other hand m asking my self … Are u mad ni? Get out of the relationship. But he makes it so difficult for me to leave.

    • Ready

      September 23, 2013 at 3:30 pm

      I could be wrong. But I think you should get out…when
      guys say they don’t feel something, they just really don’t. You say
      he acts like he loves you…my dear, he could just be a very good
      guy. Me I don’t believe in storybook love; God knows I wish my bf
      has access to my mental script of our conversations so he can
      respond as I would want him to, and the funds/time to surprise me
      anyhow with overwhelming selflessness. I say that to say, I don’t
      believe in storybook love, but I’ve read enough people’s
      experiences to know that men who feel like that now, will
      eventually meet the woman who will make them feel…as in feel. I
      could be wrong, but I wouldn’t advise that you be the woman he’s
      cooling his heels with until the passionate love comes

    • Pipi

      September 25, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      ThAnk u ur words was like cold water poured on a sleepy person. I just broke with him, although it seems like I lost my best friend I know there’s someone out there for me

  23. ebony

    September 23, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    me thinks God cant be so wicked as to give us just one soul mate, thats why we meet two or more people and we zing with them.. online tins on the other hand has never worked for me cos people usually lie about their relationship status…

  24. Suyacrush

    September 23, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    Met hubby in 2007, through an online dating site. All my friends thought I was crazy to just go on a date with a stranger. Now the stranger turned out to be a wonderful guy. He became the yin to my yang. He somehow filled the dots of my realistic and defined qualities in a man.
    So it all comes down to being realistic in love which is silly…but really pragmatic.

  25. Bliss

    September 23, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    There are online dating websites in 9ja? That’s so cool. Or are you talking about the regular suspects they advice on TV. all the them

  26. CarliforniaBawlar

    September 23, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    Online dating sha…I hope you get a nice pool in the city you live in, cos that plays a really big role in finding a mate online. Na baba’nla waste of time if you live in the boondocks in North Dakota or Wisconsin and expect to find mates, lol.
    About finding ‘the one’, me I don tire. I aint even looking. If I resort to online dating it would be for the fun of it. Something to keep me ‘busy’ after work. Like Atoke, I don’t have any friends around where I’m at anymore, so I might as well try it out. My little problem is that I feel I appear slimmer and prettier in pictures. I know I’m fine 😀 but sometimes even when I look at my pictures and I look in mirror, I can’t reconcile the two….so If i now go and post pictures online, shey yawa no go burst when a date sees me in person? lol.

  27. mimi

    September 23, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    I thought my ex was the one(foolish me). We dated for 3years and then I let him have the cookie. Six months after him chop cookie, oh boy leave me waka spouting forth such nonsense as we were not compatible and all. Two years later, the sound of his name still makes me see red. Right now, I don’t have time for Yin-ging-Yang-ing. Anyone that comes and has the basics and I manage to like him, na carry go be that. We go dey Yin, dey Yang as we go on. Mi o raye serenren.

    • Abby

      September 23, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Lmaoo your comment is hilarious…this dating thingy is so tiring, you invest time in knowing someone, as soon as you get comfortable, they vanish just like that…anyws lets not give up and carry on with the search it is well IJN

    • Bishop

      September 25, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Why do they disappear? That’s the key question. Something attracted them in the first place right?

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      September 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm

      hhahahahaha……this one pass #GBAM this na #GBOA!!

    • SpecialK!

      September 23, 2013 at 3:16 pm


  28. Chika

    September 23, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Well, I know its the Yin to my Yang, (by the way, *I love the flow of that*) if that person can make me lol within the 1st 5 mins of meeting em. Then as the times progress, I shd be able to be friends with person, be free with person, play and be able to spill without the fear of being judged or the person getting tired of me.

  29. esther

    September 23, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    Lol at all the comment,, My own na whatsapp love. Met him through facebook and we exchanged contacts he calls me every now and then, and he says he loves me. I think i love him too (but wait I am not sure) I always awiat his messages and giggles when he call. No wait!!! one more thing he has the voice like that of an Angel. I think he’s the Yin to my Yang 😉 but I am scared.

  30. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 23, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    My last two relationships were incredibly intense even though there was no sex.

    With the former we completed each others sentences. I would be thinking of a song and he would start singing it. I would be thinking of something i wanted him to do for me next thing he’s calling me on the phone and telling me he has done it. I even had a dream his brother who works with a classified agency (who i had never met or spoken to) was killed. I did not know how to tell him but i did. Later that day said brother narrowly escaped being shot. When i was with him i felt powerful and yes complete. How much of a yin more did he have to be to my yang, i ask? Till tomorrow i cant say why we broke up. Took me two years to get over him.

    The second was more traditional: the kind that grew on you. We could tell each other anything and i mean anything even the basest of feelings. We were so jealous of each other and and very close. We fought like siblings, competed like adversaries, loved like children. I saw him in all his faults: from the more unserious could not dance, could not carry a note to save his life to the more serious of being afraid anytime i performed better than him in anything, preferred spending my money to his and i still chose to love him. He woke up one day and said God said we were not meant to be. I cried for about 45mins and got the whole thing out of my system. But it took time to heal. I was not angry with his statement just the way he went about it. I have gotten to the point when I can smile at our memories.

    So I say nothing can ever tell if you will last the mile from the beginning. There’s all kinds of love to be had and experienced. We all just pray for the kind of love that lasts.

    • TA

      September 23, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      Your last statement is as true as saying rainwater can get you wet. I wish folks will stop writing artcles like how to know the one,5 signs blah blah blah. Haba! I know friends and relatives whose stories are as interesing and diverse as the couple in question. So i repeat after you my dear Bobos & Lara B ”So I say nothing can ever tell if you will last the mile from the beginning. There’s all kinds of love to be had and experienced. We all just pray for the kind of love that lasts.
      Amen to that!!!

    • Que

      September 23, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      2nd amen to that o!!!

  31. mii

    September 23, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    hmmmmm…it is well, hv always been d lesser lover, nd believed in u dnt hv 2 really love d guy dat much, nw am in a present relationship nd still dnt really luv dis guy much, but hes talkin about taking it 2 d next level, nd i dnt think i can marry him just enjoying while i wait 4 d rit 1…i knw dats extremely selfish nd wicked, but d guy in question says he luvs me but hv caught him cheat several times…does he really luv mii, does he really wanna tk it 2 d next level(despite d fact he has introduced me 2 his whole extended family)…

  32. Modella

    September 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Lol @ CalifoniaBawla…that is another topic of discussion.What happened to Atoke date with Banky W? Have you gone down to size 8?

  33. Annie

    September 23, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    still waiting to experience those butterflies and all..didnt really feel my ex bf at the start but 8 months down the line i felt like he was the one..the ying to my yang. lil did i know he had other plans..the next thing he said we were not compatible and wont last and all that..poor me!he got married a year later. not really sure abt this ying to yang stuff but it is well

  34. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 23, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Even if he has introduced you to Jesus (excuse the blasphemy) what clearly matters is you know. Na today people dey pofess love and introduce you as his mata (wife)?

  35. Iyke

    September 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    FEAR!FEAR! FEAR!…the unwanted but often invited guest with the power to undo your intended deeds and potential best… Resend the invitation…life is already full and too over booked to entertain fear’s indifference…reservation canceled! Ladies, when you meet the one you like, go for it, if it works, it’s wow and wonderful..if it fails, it’s an experience.There is no template for finding the right one….Be first, who you want to meet.. start loving yourself and universe will align you with the right mate.

    • esther

      September 23, 2013 at 4:41 pm


    • Ekwitosi

      September 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      @Esther lol! nwanne m soro m huru ihe nke a! (my sister follow me see this kind thing!) But all the same @ Iyke I still love you and your comments!

  36. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 23, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    @ Iyke
    Christ in english? As much as i appreciate your eloquence your comments read more like a dirge than a banter which this is meant and also very melancholic. Lighten up!

  37. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 23, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    #meant to be (sorry)

  38. precious

    September 23, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Yin-yang hmm,lemme share my own tori,met him on FB,things went on smooth,we exchanged contacts,we decide 2 go on a date,felt butterflies in my tummy,buh nigga been acting strange cos I got 2 find out dat he aint into me,takes tym 2 reply my Sms n pings n always giving silly excuses then I recently met 1 in twitter we got talkin exchanged pins n I see myself telling dis new guy all of my fears n dude is lyk a shoulder I cry on tho we haven’t met tho he has nt profess his feelings 4 me am so confused urgh…..

    • esther

      September 23, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      OK,, your story and mine=same, but not the guy being into me ,,sure he is and i know .Though i havent seen him for once ohh but am scared of an unknown..

  39. bruno brunooo

    September 23, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    sighh. I do hope I find the yin to my yang..been dating my bf for 4 yrs and not ones has he said he loves me. now that uni is coming to an end, i think this will be a good excuse to path ways. I asked him long ago if he loved me or not he said he doesn’t use that word not even to his family. He is a good guy..I don’t know if I love him but how do you know these things sef ? He is my first serious relationship so maybe thats why I think I’m/was in love. but for 4 years and he never tells me he loves me but he is good to me in different ways and all that good stuff and has never said those words. Maybe our relationship was just convenient. It hurts sometimes but since school is almost over we can path ways because of distance (my excuse).

    • esther

      September 23, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      You know sometimes, Its hard to say those three magic some people its easy to say but to another category of people its not.

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      September 24, 2013 at 1:01 am

      Bad advice right here……

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 24, 2013 at 9:20 am

      Very bad advice. After 4 years of being a with someone and he can’t say that he loves you? No dey manage ya love oh.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 24, 2013 at 11:26 am

      If you really love someone thats one of the most easiest words to tell the person. For 4 years he didnt say that boo, he aint into you. Im sorry if i sound harsh. And the parting ways thing after school just make sure you give him heads up not dodging his calls or disappearing act. Talk maturely about it and tell him reasons why you are leaving. Its well.

  40. Jay b

    September 23, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    Havent found my yin yet. Hope I do soon. *fingers crossed*

  41. Rachael

    September 23, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    Very interesting article for any one looking for such thing as the one “THE ONE” ..

  42. woman scorned

    September 23, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    yink ko, yang ni. dont believe such. Go with ur head not ur heart. @pipi- please dont be confused . yes action does speak louder than words but not when it comes to true love . If he can show it , he can say it. I was a victim and mine was pure foolishness. he was very romantic and the kind of guy u pick out of fairy tale movie. he had some bad habits but i ignored it over romance or that silly feeling u get when u think u r in luv. the whole 7 years we dated he never said d word love. now its over , imagine wot that did to my self esteem . runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. u have a sign , take it

  43. Unsocial butterfly

    September 24, 2013 at 1:29 am

    It seems, the tales of the ex are running wild here, let me add my own. So yesterday i was going to FB and i came across ex number 1, was looking through his pictures and i saw him wearing a tux and there was a lady who had a wedding dress on, i thought to myslf this dude is married? Oh well! Good luck to him, my epiphany came when i realized that i felt nothing, no tug, no pull, no jealousy at all while going through his album. It just made me realize how over him i was. Reading thru d comments, i found out he was d best man taking pictures with the bride, i was like toh! Moving on to the topic of finding the one, i am at the stage of my life when am not even thinking about it anymore, i have reasoned and analyzed and i just decided to leave it to fate and God! I recently relocated to canada and its so hard to even get ppl who are from nigeria with me. My best friend was telling me that with this kain development hope i know i have to rethink my options of sticking to just the black brothers! Biko, i cant even stress! Btw, those of you into online dating i hv to give it to you, i dont think i cld ever do that. Am alws so scared,in the past they have never jst worked out, so as hooking up through a frnd!*sigh* am jst a complicated woman. Forgive the epistle guys, it was either here or the diary and it is tired of hearing my tales of woe-is-me-i-have-no-boyfriend

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 24, 2013 at 9:27 am

      Yes oh, you gorra expand those options if the Naija possibilities are very slim. And online dating sites, to my mind, are like that sister, aunty or in-law who bugs you all the time about that “a very nice man” she wants to introduce you to. There’s no difference, they all start out with someone looking at the compatibility of both parties, setting you up for a date and hoping it works out. Be open to it if you can be and as I said to Atoke, even if nothing romantic develops (although I’ve attended the wedding of one couple who started out online), you get the opportunity to get out more and meet new people in your locale. 🙂

  44. Daughter of a King

    September 24, 2013 at 7:55 am

    I’m a firm believing in acknowledging my creator (God) in whatever I do; hence, when it’s time for me to settle down and God brings my husband, there will be CONTENTMENT, PEACE OF MIND, and JOY that knows no boundary. Of course, there would be challenging moments, but I will still CHOOSE to feel love towards him, just as I love myself.

    Please don’t go doing trial and error to experience that special feeling..Surrender you plans to God, the one who knows every part of you and he will send someone that will cause you to have the best feeling as well as bring out the best in you.


    • Daughter of a King

      September 24, 2013 at 7:55 am


  45. DOO

    September 24, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Atoke o! I refer you to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

  46. pih

    September 24, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    There is rily no standard way of finding the ONE. It works differently 4 each person. I have a frd who met her spouse on fb n they r soon going to get married n thats nt goin to work 4 another who tries to get a relationshp from fb or a dating side. I hv enjoyd reading the comments abv n looking forward to meet sm1 who goin to b the ying in my yang!! Lol, Oya come quick

  47. freaky chic

    September 24, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    Been in 5 to 6 r/shps in 4 yrs . Am i a r/shp whore???? Anyway i am 22 yrs old and believe me i have never felt ying yang thing. D one time i felt like i loved someone was wen we were shaggin each oda for bou 7months doe i was dating someone else he(my shaggin mate) treated like a gurl frnd doe, all d outings together, d shopping, d sex, ŏh yes d sex, the protection he gave me( cus we uni students). D guy made me fall in love to d extent dat i was d one sayin i love ΰ den he reciprocated ….. Wen i he was bou to grad he askd me to get pregnant 4 him buh i kudnt…..he sed his family wudnt mind but my wud…. soooo he backed out,funny enof still have a year to go in skul n i hav a boyfrnd presently buh i knt find dat someone dat i kud bulshit my gurlfrnds 4…… Sooooo that feeling,is what i am still trying to find…… Infact i haven’t had sex wif anyone since my first crush….

    • omam

      September 24, 2013 at 10:30 pm

      Okk you should write in correct english please!! Im still trying to comprehend your write up 😉 #notinameanway

    • Bishop

      September 25, 2013 at 6:14 pm

      If you actually attended school, why spell in such manner?

  48. true talker

    September 24, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Yin to my Yang! I do believe it exists and neither your heart or your head should be used to determine whether he is “The One.” We had a program in our church titled Finding you and Dr Okey Onuzo mentioned that there’s no way for you to know the person who will give you peace; love you till the end and stay with you till the end, because all of these things are in the future. No one knows the future and no one knows what will happen in the future, except God. I believe God does want us to be happy and He created the marriage. If you have found someone you like, please please please, dont use your head or heart. You have to pray about it, biko. God works with all level of faith and ask Him for confirmation. Make sure you get confirmation from God before saying I do. Confirmation is asking God to confirm whether or not this person is for you. It doesnt have to be difficult, be sincere with God and He will answer you. Ask Him to confirm to you, and maybe several people who have your best interest at heart, eg your mum, sisters, BFFs and you will be surprised at what He will do. Is there a Yin to your Yang, yes there is. Wait for him, be OPEN MINDED, be the BEST you that you can and Trust God…He’s got your back and wants you to get it right.

  49. fiesty chic

    September 24, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    @unsocial butterfly maybe we should hook up cos i also just relocated to canada and men!! there is a dearth of real Naija guys here. everyone keeps saying they see me marrying a whity but i have been tufiakwaing all the way.

    • meme

      September 24, 2013 at 8:04 pm

      it also depends on where you are located. There are lots of Nigerians in Toronto and young guys in calgary who go there to work after graduating. it also depends on your age group as well. You can join a Nigerian church they always have those around. I am catholic so I do not see lots of black africans in my church except when I go back to uni and I see them there. I’m turning 22 soon and frankly speaking, idk if I can find an eligible Nigerian bachelor in the GTA who is serious minded and won’t play games so dating outside my nationality should be an adventure I do not plan to go back home and settle because this is home now so dating outside the Nigerian community might be nice.

    • Msunderstood

      September 28, 2013 at 2:44 am

      I live in Calgary n there are lots of young naija guys looking for naija girlfriends. I tease a lot of them abt wanting to date only naija girls.


    September 24, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    ATOKE OF LIFE!!! You bear your soul so effortlessly, you always give me something to look forward to. As for your question, i believe you’ll know you’ve found THE ONE when the two of you fit like two pieces of a puzzle. There’s never a boring moment with that person, even if you are sitting in silence. No one is perfect, but finding someone with a teachable spirit is like finding gold. Sometimes the butterflies will not flutter and your heart may not necessarily race when the person enters the room. It could just be an indescribable peace you feel when the person is around. Let me stop now before I start sounding like a poetry book. lol!


    September 29, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    God bless Atoke for me. Your monday morning banters just make me want to be a better writer.

  52. Diadem

    September 30, 2013 at 12:31 am

    In my opinion, your whole being will act accordingly if you find the “ying” to your “yang”. There’s no particular description but you will just know. I had a guy who was serious with me although I was basically friendly &went out with him. To him, he thought we had something going but when I got approched my another guy(who is now my hubby), I knew I just had a connection with him. I told the first guy that I wasnt interested anymore. Fastforward to 2yrs & we got engaged & got married.

  53. yin gini?

    October 12, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    Hmmn..I honestly thought I had found the yin to my yang when I met him in 2010. Everyone liked him,all saying I was lucky to have him bla cut the story short,we started having issues,he stopped calling like before,confronted him and you won’t believe this guy cried his eyes out telling me he was sorry for not really calling that he’s been so busy. He picked me up at the airport telling me how I complete him so tey I thought he wanted to propose! Exactly a week after telling me all that “you complete me nonsense”,he called and said he wanted to see me,he came over to my house and gbam! He said it was all over. Guess what? He married three months after we broke if that wasn’t enough,he married her on my birthday! Really not feeling this love thing. If it comes,fine and if it doesn’t,fine still.

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