This is true. I know better. I lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.
You see, there is this conversation that we all have with ourselves, within ourselves and most times I just listen to mine. So, here’s an introduction to the Isio that is; beneath the surface.
There’s my mind: sharp, witty, caustic, 100% Realist. No nonsense. A ferocious reader; likes to acquire knowledge, highly opinionated.
And there’s my soul: soft, kind, maternal, nurturing, and forgiving. She is the lover, the spiritual one, the deep thinker, very empathic.
And there’s my body: which is where I come in, this vessel, experiencing life. The voice of the mind and soul. Likes beautiful things. Does not like driving, does not like traffic, absolutely detests saliva, sweat and yucky bodily fluids, loves laughing, exotic food and pretty much is concerned with the more mundane things of life. She is the everlasting referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul.
This is Isio.
Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. Now I must say that these conversations happen in various languages, in any situation and underneath a poker face and a hidden smile.
A couple of years ago, I was dealing with a break-up and I went with my dejection to my mentor’s house. I had sighed and winced my way through the night. I was exhausted. I could feel my mind eye-balling me as she drummed her fingers against her chin. Her body language and stony gaze spoke volumes.
“Awwww, a’she o’o tie le. Oshisko! Cry-cry baby. Pstchewwwwwwwwww” (Awwww, so you are not even tough. Cry-cry baby” *insert long hiss*)
I ignored her.
I quickened my pace up the stairs. I needed to listen to my mentor speak. He was so wise, so non-judgmental. He would help me put my emotions into perspective. He was good like that. As usual, I tried to act like I was a big girl and that nothing was wrong. Then he asked how my boyfriend was and I just let it all out. He let me speak. And I spoke. He asked me how I felt. I spoke some more.
“At least you didn’t cry.” my mind smirked in remembrance.
Then he said to me, “Isio, but you need to understand, that everything he did or didn’t do, was not about you. Nobody really sets out to categorically hurt anyone else. It’s just that at every given moment in a relationship, you need to make a choice between what you want at that moment (you being a single unit) and what is best for you and your partner (that is you as a part of a whole). Sometimes they correlate, sometimes they don’t.
And you, being a female with invested emotions in him, see it as a “how could he DO this to ME? After all we’ve been through? “But it’s not about that. You need to take a moment, and separate yourself from the situation and see it for what it is”. What it is simply being that your Mr. Man is simply exercising his right to put himself first, and he took it.
Take for example your boyfriend is with his side-chic…’’
Immediately I stiffen.
“And you call him…”
I glare several fiery daggers of warnings at him. So unpalatable was the thought of my love sharing the same oxygen (forget space) with another woman. Especially, since I wasn’t sure why my once “delicious” boyfriend had been acting like he was made of poopoo. Animal poopoo. So badly behaved he had become, the yeye man.
Dammmmn, but he was sexy sha. Ughhh!
“Wow, easy now,” he chuckled as he cut into my thoughts, “You don’t know why he is acting up, but let us choose a bad scenario…”
“Okay”, I pout my distaste. I was sure I would not like this “bad” scenario.
He continues “So, he is with another woman, and you call. He lets it ring and does not pick up. At that moment he is NOT picking up – NOT because he derives psychotic pleasure from your pain which keeps him going, but because at that moment is thinking 3 things; ME. MY PLEASURE. NOW.
It is an unpalatable truth. But the truth nonetheless. It’s not about you.”
“Now, I am not saying that what he did was right, or that it wasn’t hurtful or unfair; all I am saying is that instead of looking at yourself from the point of view of the victim, perhaps then you would be able to exercise YOUR own right, to make a choice that puts you first. He had done what he considers best for him at the time. He has had his moment. Act, don’t just react. The choices are many.”
Stay/go? Work through it/sit at home and weep? Talk with him/talk about it? Keep calling his phone like a maniac or put on a sexy dress and go to the movies with your friends? The choices are limitless.
Understanding that it is “not about you” gives you power over your emotions when people treat you unfairly. You can choose to ignore. You can choose to love him in spite of it anyways. You can choose to futiley make him answer the “why would you do this to me” question with tears streaming down your face so he can SEE how much he hurt you. Or you can simply make a choice for yourself that puts you first- that is, if you wish. The choice is always yours.
Wow! This is true. I never thought about it like that.
Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega