Connect with us

News

BN Prose: A Faith of tWiStS by Fisayo Talabi

Fisayo Talabi

Published

 on

It was yet another Sunday, and life was taking the same pattern as always for the last six years. His alarm had gone off at 5am, and he had as usual, without looking, groped for the big King James Version bible by his bedside table, in the dark.

He did not need any illumination to find his way to the study, stocked with theology books and mounds of spiritual classics he had never opened. His wife had a weekly ritual of dusting those books like they were some sort of estate to be passed to the next generation. In a few minutes, the resounding noise from the Mikano generator flooded the compound. Adamu already knew he was supposed to switch on the generator at 5 am every day, save for days when PHCN was gracious enough to give power.

He opened his memo pad, and for a minute, he scribbled down some words that made no sense. He wanted something catchy… something that would move the congregation and leave them giving expressions like “word” “preach it Sir!” Engineer Odulaja had been so blessed last month that he blessed the Church in the person of the Pastor, with a new iPad. Daniel was still planning on how to type his sermons on the iPad and read from it during the service. He would title the message “Living in the New Testament.”

Nothing seemed to flow. He was blank. He felt like he had preached it all. He had been the pastor of Abundant Grace Tabernacle Ministries International for six years. Six years was enough to exhaust the 66 books in the Bible. He decided he would let the spirit take charge and give him utterance.

Ifeoma had gotten dressed in her gold French lace skirt and blouse. He looked at her bust and she smiled, as though she knew he was impressed. She was the true model of a “Mummy Church”. Her neckline was high enough, unlike last Sunday when she had worn a v-neck and when she had danced forward for the Nelsons’ baby dedication; the church video camera had captured her revealed cleavage. It was so humiliating when the junior pastor’s wife had told him that she had noticed, and the spirit of God told her to discuss it with him. Yet she had also been led to gossip about it at the Christian Wives Association meeting.

***
As he stepped out of the vehicle, a member of the protocol team was already waiting to receive his bible and memo pad. Ifeoma held their two children and walked at a slower pace, pretending not to the notice the “holy hug” shared by her husband and the protocol member. Despite her 6-inch heels, she was able to walk smart and swiftly. Her hair bouncing with elegance as she held her bag in one hand, and Pastor’s things in the other.

After the choir had ministered their song, with the lead singer scoring it exactly the way Damita Haddon had sung it, Daniel shut his eyes for a second -waiting for utterance and inspiration. He climbed on the pulpit and decided the lead singer should render worship songs because the choir ministration had been so spirit filled. He shut his eyes, saying ‘amen’ and ‘hallelujah’, but working his mind around what to say.

In an hour and thirty minutes, the service was over and people had started forming a little crowd to say hello to the pastor. Feyikunmi was doing a good job, asking for the importance of the reason to see pastor. If it was not so important then they would have to wait for a little longer.

“That was a worded message on Genesis 1.1, pastor!” Mrs Julius said, in her usual British accent. “We are so used to Genesis 1.1 but, today you enlightened me and now I know the same God that created the heavens is the same that made the earth, and as such, we can enjoy our heaven on earth. God bless you and continue to use you sir!”

“Mrs Julius, it is always about remembering the basics. The word of God is so simple for us to understand. How are the kids doing?” Daniel said, adjusting his Michael Kors wristwatch.

She shook her head. “They are fine. They are spending the holiday with their father and his new mistress.”
Daniel squeezed her hand and said a small prayer, then assured her that everything would be alright.
“You did the right thing. Contrary to the view of many sanctimonious folks, divorce is allowed by God on the grounds of adultery. God wants you to be happy, and you know, wisdom is profitable to direct. You are a good woman and you deserve happiness.” Later that week, she transferred Two million Naira to the church account to help the “Evangelism-on-the-go” fund raising movement.

Ifeoma had gone back home with the kids immediately after the service, on her husband’s instruction. Daniel forbade her from counselling anyone that Sunday, because she herself needed spiritual purging and a retreat, as a result of her cleavage drama last Sunday. He stayed back in the church office because he needed to see a few important members of the church and plan some meetings for the month.

As he looked through his bible, he shut his eyes and tried to talk to God. He searched for the words to say but they just were missing. He knew he had fooled the congregation and just given a sermon out of common sense, but he knew they would believe and take in every sermon he gave as powerful. He knew he should not have told Mrs Julius she was right in leaving her husband, but if he had told her otherwise, she would have been upset and would have left the church. He knew he should not have hit Ifeoma last Sunday because her cleavage had been revealed when she danced. He should not have told his children it was holy anger when they asked why he hit Mummy every time. He knew the guilt of the miscarriage still tore him apart. He had beaten Ifeoma so much and she had lost their pregnancy. He had to lie to church members that she had been under a lot of stress at the office.

Feyikunmi walked in, after all the other pastors and important members had left.He knew he should not have started having an affair with her. She was everything Ifeoma was not. She was slim, beautiful, fair skinned, and well endowed. She knew how to take care of herself with the money he gave her, and more importantly, how to take care of him in ways Ifeoma could not (or had forgotten). Her presence always made him remember his bachelorhood. He wanted Ifeoma to be the Mummy Church, but he knew he was bored with her endless church conversations, and how she wanted him to fast and pray concerning every little thing. He was bored with the way she respected him. Feyikunmi on the other hand, disrespected him with a sexy kind of respect. She always had an attractive appearance and  he knew he was not the only man attracted to her. A lot of brothers had approached him, saying God had told them Feyikunmi was the One.

As she sat on his table, and kissed his head, he tried to find the words to speak to God but there was an empty void, as empty as the earth was in Genesis 1.1.

to be continued…

Photo Credit: yocreo.com

Fisayo Talabi is a lawyer with an absolute zeal for writing short stories. olufisayotalabi.blogspot.com @fisilicious on Twitter @fisayotalabi on Instagram

59 Comments

  1. yostic

    January 14, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Best 2104 BN article! Love it

  2. Yvonne

    January 14, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Beautiful!!!

  3. Miss tee

    January 14, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Hmmm!! Heavy stuff……..

  4. MissW

    January 14, 2014 at 9:39 am

    whoa! this is breath taking, i really need to know how it ends

  5. Loveth.O.

    January 14, 2014 at 10:10 am

    Was already enjoying the write-up

  6. Jescy Eagle

    January 14, 2014 at 10:44 am

    very interesting…really good article!!

  7. Mills and Boons

    January 14, 2014 at 11:05 am

    Wow!!!!!….. This is so real

  8. whocares

    January 14, 2014 at 11:20 am

    You cannot see me right now, but I have the same facial expression as the Obama meme –
    29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
    This is a fantastic prose and it not only made me think, but it made me sad; for the man that lost his faith and is practically living a lie, the poor woman that has lost herself and gets battered, the children through no fault of their own growing up in that environment… the church members, the ones who do not have a close relationship with their God and depend on a man. The way things seem to be is not the way they really are is it?

  9. adeyinka

    January 14, 2014 at 11:40 am

    wow is all i can say

  10. Hephzibah Frances

    Frances Okoro

    January 14, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Awww, beautiful and captures what’s indeed happening in this socalled modern times…

    imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  11. Mz Socially Awkward...

    January 14, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Fisayo, this was an enjoyable read. When you say “to be continued”, when do you plan to grace us with part 2? 🙂

    I like your writing style, the language allows the story to flow easily and you provide just enough details to give us an insight into your main character. However, you dey yab, oh – “After the choir had ministered their song, with the lead singer scoring it exactly the way Damita Haddon had sung it…” Hahaha! No vex, sometimes choirs have to do that because if you leave too much poetic license to Praise Leaders, you sef no go recognize that same song… as a choir director I know frequently warns – “sing it as on tape, tweak it a little but don’t remix the song”. 🙂 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 14, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Also, wanted to ask if there’s any significance to how you spelt out “tWiStS” in your title? Are the capitalized words an acronym for something? Do tell…

  12. Tincan

    January 14, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Hmmmmnn, more, morem more…

  13. Adeleke

    January 14, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    For some odd reason, I hardly ever read the BN Prose articles here. However, the catchy title of this one got to me (big time). Need I say, I am happy I read it, I can’t wait to get the 2nd part of it. Well done Fisayo.

  14. Noni

    January 14, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    beautiful write up Fisayo

  15. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

    January 14, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    A very interesting read. Nice one. But I find the part of him trying to talk to God while Feyikunmi kissed his head rather strange. Realistically God would be the farthest from his mind.
    Looking forward to part 2!

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

    • Miss C

      January 14, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      Not really o – sometimes when you have had a relationship with God and you are committing a so called ‘big’ sin, you actually think of God although most people push Him out of their mind…

  16. Stan

    January 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Nice one!

  17. Anonymous

    January 14, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Beautiful, resplendent, sexy and sassy Feyikunmi should read more on Karma.

  18. Anonymous

    January 14, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Beautiful, resplendent, sassy and sexy Feyikunmi should read more on Karma.

  19. lorenz

    January 14, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    How do you disrespect someone with a sexy kind of respect? Lol! This write-up is hilarious, and yet very deep. However it doesn’t seem like a complete prose to me. Its seems like a mixture of a lot of fiction and some facts.

  20. memoi

    January 14, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    really good article, looking forward to the next part

  21. Que

    January 14, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    GLUED 4 PART 2,!!!

  22. Dr. N

    January 14, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    Ouch! Is all I can say. Washing dirty linen in public. Eww!

    drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  23. jcsgrl

    January 14, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Hmnn a robust reply comes to mind…

  24. Chinma Eke

    January 14, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    BN, where is a ‘love button’ when we need one?
    This story is true of many pastors, their families and their members. My philosophy is to look unto God and not man.

  25. Dee

    January 14, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    Wow…wow…just don’t make it like them Nollywood movies
    sha…Glory be to God…Watch out for part 3 and on and on…but
    very impressed.

  26. Teemollie

    January 14, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Ore mi toh sure!Nice write up….cnt wait to read what will
    happen to Feyikunmi.keep up the good work!

  27. nenita

    January 14, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Fisco way to go, very interesting write up with a lot of truth. Oya do quick and complete it o *wide grin*

  28. Jemiyo

    January 14, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    This is very interesting and well put together. Good
    job

  29. cynthia

    January 14, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    BEAUTIFUL PIECE, I COULD ACTUALLY RELATE

  30. Lafunky

    January 14, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    Very captivating. Fisayo, when are you posting Part 2? I’m curious to know what Feyikunmi and the Pastor did. Also, did Ifeoma speak out?
    Is their a twist to this story? I’m wondering why you spelt ‘tWiSts’ in an awkward way in your title.

    • haywhy

      January 15, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Ifeoma dare not speak a word,she would protect her marriage. have u seen pastor’s wife? it a great movie u must watch.

    • Lafunky

      January 16, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      I haven’t watched Pastor’s wife. Is it a Nigerian movie? True, I really doubt Ifeoma will speak out. She will start fasting and payer.

    • haywhy

      January 17, 2014 at 11:40 am

      No,it a hollywood movie.

  31. I I

    January 14, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    This is really nice….welldone

  32. Tomifeoluwa

    January 14, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    wonderful article…very deep too!

  33. truth be told

    January 15, 2014 at 12:30 am

    awesome awesome awesome Fisayo! thanks for telling this story 🙂

  34. Laide

    January 15, 2014 at 3:22 am

    OMG…I have a big crush on this writer already , …I love pple that can writteee!

  35. Lase

    January 15, 2014 at 4:18 am

    Beautiful one Fisayo…waiting

  36. dami

    January 15, 2014 at 10:11 am

    i’m giddy with excitement for the next episode.. this reminds me of the COZA scandal. hehe

  37. teepoes

    January 15, 2014 at 10:42 am

    wooow,nyc one Fisayo swit. so proud of you swit

  38. Laury

    January 15, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Lafunky…is that the one on Adelabu ???

    • Lafunky

      January 15, 2014 at 7:37 pm

      No. Is Adelabu a blog?

  39. haywhy

    January 15, 2014 at 11:48 am

    Nice one.waiting for the rest.

  40. titi

    January 15, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    beautiful write up……please grace us with the concluding part(s). nice work!

  41. dp

    January 15, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Beautiful write up i am so in love with it, please bella naija we are waiting for the follow up abeg ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  42. gracistsumbul.wordpress.com

    January 15, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    This is a very engaging piece! Can’t wait to read the rest of it. 🙂

  43. Lolly

    January 15, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    well done! very captivating i must say. looking forward to the concluding part

  44. Zayt

    January 15, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    Powerful read! Cant wait for part 2!

  45. slice

    January 16, 2014 at 1:15 am

    love it

  46. Sophia

    January 16, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Fisayo,very good.as usual tho.i like

  47. bee

    January 16, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    wow awesome. waitin for the concluding part.

  48. Pade

    January 16, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Intriguing,wish it will be in series so we can keeping reading very week.

  49. uju

    January 17, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    oooohhh…Fisayo how dare you cut us off like that ehh…oya beta do and bring the concluding part sharperly oooo….doubly lovely read. Sadly true. the lie we have to live so that our world dont crumbling down at our feet. its soo true of a good number of pastors hence the advice look unto God and not man carries soo much weight. Cant wait for the concluding episodes..

  50. uju

    January 17, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    *come crumbling*

  51. Sobe

    January 28, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    …… disrespected him with a sexy kind of respect…..Best line….

  52. MY LIFY

    June 16, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    OMG!!!!!! This is incredible. I just came across part III and had to read this part first. I am just so lucky that i did not have to be kept in as much suspense as you guys. But I regret not finding such “sexy” work of ART” earlier. Sorry for the expression, but i just needed to use it somewhere. I so love this part. Let me go for part two now.

  53. Chika

    September 8, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    This pastor bad guhn

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php