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Dearest Mr. Ex

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Dearest Mr. Ex,
Did I tell you I cried? Oh yes I cried. In fact there were many nights when I went to sleep crying and woke up still crying. It was hard for me to get over the heartbreak that all our dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans for life together could have ended so abruptly… so painfully.

Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you were now dating my roommates best friend? Well yes I cried, especially when my roommate kept asking me why we broke up, and telling me just how wonderful you were to your new girlfriend. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t understand, I put on a brave face, and it was convincing.

Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you proposed to her? You didn’t want to tell me, but I kept pushing. I thought about all those people that talked about being friends with their exes, and I wanted to be your friend, thought we could be friends, after all we were friends before we even thought about dating, but after all the bravery it still hurt. Did I tell you I sat in the bathroom talking to my best friend, because I did not want to disturb my roommate, and telling her that I couldn’t understand why I was still crying for you, it had been months but for some reason I was still crying for  you. You and I were never meant to be, I knew it, but I was still crying for you.

I cried because I couldn’t understand how a good and kind God would bring you happiness, and would leave me crushed and unhappy. Was I not the one that went to church regularly? Was I not the one who always tried to do the right thing in our relationship? Was I not the one who prayed, and read the Bible, and believed every word of the Bible, while you rarely even opened the book? I felt like God would reward me with happiness instead of you, or at least before you, but things didn’t work out like that, and in that moment, I understood God better.

Did I tell  you I cried, when I found out that I couldn’t attend my roommate’s graduation because you would be there with my roommate’s best friend? Yes I cried as I searched for the two of you on Facebook and saw the happy pictures, and saw our friends, no your friends, embrace her. I promised myself I would no longer cry over you, after that day, I promised myself that the ladies in church that held me, and rubbed my back as I cried over you, would never have to do it again…

And so when I thought about you months later and found out that you had gotten married to her, I remembered how you loved her, and how you talked so highly of her, and how she was the kind of woman you needed me to be, but I never was. You never quite said that, but the way you talked about how the two of you prayed together every morning, I knew you wished you and I had prayed more and argued less.

So today, I’m writing you this letter to let you know that I’ve let you go, and I’m happy for you, and happy for us. I want you to know that I’m happy, not because I’m happily married to a wonderful man now, or because I’ve heard of anything bad that happened to you (because I haven’t). No I’m happy because in the midst of the tears I learned many important things that I was too young and immature to learn before. I learned to trust God, I learned that making the right decision doesn’t always mean that things would be easy. I learned that the way I deal with heartbreak will determine whether I continue to experience the same heartbreak over and over again with different people. I learned that God loves you and me the exact same, and his love is not based on what I have done or not done. I learned that no matter how miserable a situation may seem, there is always hope… and I learned that happy endings are always just around the corner.

Thank you for the lessons. Have a wonderful Valentine’s season.

With Appreciation,

Moi!

Photo Credit: whatblackmenthink.com

___________________________________________________________________________
Osayi Emokpae Lasisi (formerly Osayi Osar-Emokpae) is the author of ‘Because You Deserve Love’, a book that helps single women deal with breakups and heartbreak. You can find out more on http://www.iyasostuff.com/breakup-heartbreak-love/. She has been to deepest pit of despair, so when she says it will get better, she knows from experience.

Osayi is the Author of Impossible is Stupid (a book about living a fabulous life in every season), and she writes about how you can live a fulfilling life even if things don't turn out the way you expected them to. You can connect with her and find out more - https://OsayiLasisi.com

123 Comments

  1. P

    February 13, 2014 at 9:38 am

    God bless you osayi for this write up:* Good bye dearest Ex:)…….. Thank you for shaping me to be the best for whoever God sends my way.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      Just say goodbye to the “okay” and make room for “Mr. Wonderful!”

    • Ify

      February 13, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      My sentiments exactly! You took the words out of my mouth.

  2. olufunmi

    February 13, 2014 at 9:42 am

    My dear. This piece speaks so so much to me. Infact I am at that point. Thank you

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      You’re welcome dear… and you know what… It will get better… I promise!

  3. Fashionista

    February 13, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Sometimes after the demise of a relationship, we ponder over and over how, why and what made it go wrong. We dissect, we overanalyze, because of course we are in pain. But sometimes it is simple as – some relationships just don’t work out.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      oh so true!… call me Dr. Dissection 🙂

  4. Vanessa

    February 13, 2014 at 9:44 am

    EX why na?

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      abi o!

  5. chenney

    February 13, 2014 at 9:45 am

    mind blowing, quite a piece that anyone who is in a relationship and out of relationship should read through.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      thank you! I appreciate the compliment 🙂

  6. aseye

    February 13, 2014 at 9:47 am

    its possible you cried so much cos u felt humiliated by de breakup. it hurts even more wen u date some one not compatible and he walks away. when there is a break alot of the pain also comes from the feeling of humiliation. its humiliation when yu see an ex that you know very well that you dont love, but then feels strong emotions when you see him or her. deal with the feeling of shame too and you will be fine

  7. Blossom

    February 13, 2014 at 9:48 am

    I feel you, girl. I feel you.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      🙂

  8. aseye

    February 13, 2014 at 9:51 am

    olufumi, please check your feeling of shame too………. sometimes it makes feel funny. sometimes you hurt over some one you dont love and you dont know why you are hurting……….. its shame

  9. F.I.F

    February 13, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Thank you for this write up, its exactly how i feel. I am happy for my ex, but most of all i am very happy for me, especially as we didn’t end up together. At that time i wondered why God could allow me go through so much pain but today i am glad he he (GOD) made sure i got exactly what i have always prayed for no “compromises”

  10. Hurperyearmie

    February 13, 2014 at 9:55 am

    wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is my story he cheated on me, lied to me, and frustrated me till i told him am letting go but will still be his friend ‘cos am more matured but he came back hurting and mocking me by telling me he is getting married to her after asking if am dating now and i said not yet (this happened this week) in fact thanks for this i have let go and am waiting for that man meant for me. Thanks Bella and Osayi this has inspired me

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      awww soo glad to help 🙂 Stay strong… there is someone better out there!

  11. Ndidi

    February 13, 2014 at 9:56 am

    Osayi great write up
    My life , My story!
    But in God we trust
    Happy Valentine’s day my people

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      Happy Valentine’s day 🙂

  12. Alero Mii

    February 13, 2014 at 9:59 am

    I can relate with this… Nice job

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      thank ya 🙂

  13. F.I.F

    February 13, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Thank you for this write up, its exactly how i feel. I am happy for my ex, but most of all i am very happy for me, especially as we didn’t end up together. At that time i wondered why God could allow me go through so much pain but today i am glad he (GOD) made sure i got exactly what i have always prayed for. A man i can speak in tongues in front of, a man that can lay his hands and pray for me when am sick, a man that is as prayerful as he is fun to be around as well as stylish.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      and he’s out there waiting looking for you too… I hope the two of you find each other soon 🙂

  14. honeymix

    February 13, 2014 at 10:07 am

    And I am still crying.

  15. Laury

    February 13, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Mrs Lasisi…..nice one.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Thank ya! 🙂

  16. Robertha

    February 13, 2014 at 10:12 am

    This article left me SPEECHLESS cause I hv been down that road before and am out. Keep it up

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:20 pm

      thank ya!

  17. GUSTY'S BLOG

    February 13, 2014 at 10:37 am

    fantastic article thanks Osayi this has inspired me.

    gustyscommunication.blogspot.com

  18. Bliss

    February 13, 2014 at 10:39 am

    I guess u neva truly get ova an ex until u chose 2.I totally understand what it mins 2b broken buh m gone pass dat stage and av cum 2realize dt itz onli d luv dt christ gives dats a 100percent n yes av gat dat.

  19. whocares

    February 13, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Oga o… the way everyone is “sadding” this morning. Its like I just walked into “breakup anonymous” (terrible joke I agree). The author has been to the “biggest pit of despair”.. my goodness.. A thousand hugs to all you ladies ( Opeyemi: I no sabi that fancy spelling abeg, Honeymix, Olufunmi etc. Be strong. xxxxxx) Hmm post breakup tears. Boy have I paid my dues. lol. I have never understood the “be friends with your ex” thing. I cant do it. I delete all pictures, emails, fb, skypes, block all numbers.. (not cos im angry or anything but it is never productive) if I meet the ex on the street we have a nice conversation and go our separate way. Life is toooo long to be adding a self made frustration to the mix.

    • ANNE

      February 13, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      i agree with you on “be friends with your ex” thing”. I can’t deal with it forming good girl or what?pleaseeeeeeeeee if its over then its completely over,it pays to be real.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      exactly oh… friendship with the ex… not a good idea!!!

    • true talk

      February 13, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      like u.

  20. mia

    February 13, 2014 at 10:55 am

    it always feels painful when your ex starts dating before you or even get married before you, but like i say, God has not forgotten anybody, our seasons could just be different. and them no dey catch late comer for marriage. peace and ease for those hurting, just keep doing the right thing, you will be fine.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Amen 🙂

  21. anonymous

    February 13, 2014 at 10:59 am

    wowww….. beautiful write up and I connect with this. just what i need to move on i know for sure God has a better plan for me too. I end with this quote ” we meet for a reason, a blessing or a lesson” once we have this behind our heads it helps us heal better.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      beautiful quote! thank you for sharing 🙂

  22. no heart to hate

    February 13, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Am Happy for you Osayi thank God you’ve move on. i wish you the Best in all you do

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      thanks dear!

  23. Gezzel

    February 13, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Very touching letter

  24. she-is

    February 13, 2014 at 11:40 am

    you self, you too cry it’s like you’re a well of water. but seriously relationship tips keeps taking me aback, because even when you think you are doing it right, it still turns out to be that you still did not do it right. still wondering how bestest best to please we humans

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      lol! abi oh!!! cry cry!!! but God saw me through sha 🙂

  25. Mariaah

    February 13, 2014 at 11:51 am

    LOL.. I cried, wailed and all. Am I happy now? Heck yeah! I am single though. I am happy for him though, he’s married now, seems happy. His wifey is beautiful!

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      love your attitude… what’s the secret? 🙂

  26. JD

    February 13, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Oh my God, I feel as if you were speaking to me…the trials of love…lovely write up…Time to let go of certain things…

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      Yesssss!!! Let go and see what amazing things happen… (not the things you fear)

  27. Modella

    February 13, 2014 at 11:58 am

    [email protected] No heart to hate..you took it literary?? Is like everyone here has been heartbroken ooo

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      lol yes oh! we’ve all been through something… especially around Valentine’s day…

  28. anonymous

    February 13, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    tnx 4 ds beautiful piece…..bcos i’m also goin tru a breakup now….i can let go off d failed promises nd lies he told me, dat am d sweetest of all….haba, life continues….

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      you know the truth is that you are a sweet, wonderful, beautiful person… just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean it’s not true… and just because he’s gone doesn’t mean that there will never be anyone else to tell you that again…
      In fact, I’m sure there is someone out there looking for you… I hope you’ll be willing to give him a chance 🙂

  29. Aibee

    February 13, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    The only ex I cried at the end of the relationship was the one that cheated on me and got married to the woman he cheated on me with. At which point my long forgotten tears promptly turned to indignation. How dare he get married before me? How dare he have a child before me. Shouldn’t he suffer some mild catastrophe for daring to break my heart. And so on, ad nauseam. I promptly got over my indignation though!

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      ahhh… exactly! how dare he find happiness before me???!!! but in the end… we must choose to become better people 🙂

  30. X Factor

    February 13, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Wow!

  31. Bleed Blue

    February 13, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Awwww I feel like we need a group hug around here.

    It irks me to no limit when my male friends insist we females are very good at breaking hearts. I’m always like “huh?”. I can honestly say every single female I know has a deep heartbreak story to tell.

    Osayi good on you writing this piece, see how you’re helping other sisters gain perspective and take steps towards healing. Nicely done dear.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      🙂 thank you

  32. Osayi

    February 13, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    love your attitude… what’s the secret? 🙂

  33. Ade

    February 13, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    hmmm… this speaks right through me! I haven’t stopped crying though, but i am very happy at the woman i am becoming. I have the love of Christ and that heals every hurt. Time i know will heal all wounds with love! welldone, Mrs. Lasisi….

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      thank you Ade!!! it will get better dear!

  34. funmi

    February 13, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Once a relationship is over ,then it is time to move on. even thou it hurts it is very important to disengage and gather strength from God, otherwise it will take an unnecessary long time to engage the heart with someone else.

  35. Me

    February 13, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Thank you Osayi. For over a year, i av cried about my ex. Thanks for this article, as i now believe God has a plan for me.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      yes oh! a big and wonderful plan!

  36. olabisi

    February 13, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I learned that making the right decision doesn’t always mean that things would be easy. I learned that the way I deal with heartbreak will determine whether I continue to experience the same heartbreak over and over again with different people. Dat my best part of the story…Thank u for this..

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      🙂 thank you

  37. Ropo Ogundemuren

    February 13, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    This is so touching and relatable to all women who have experienced heartbreak in some way or another

  38. Osayi

    February 13, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    yes! and amen!

  39. Grateful Wife

    February 13, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    I’m married to my ex, but this could have been me if we did not end up together, I can relate to the hurt and the pain cause i once felt it. Sometimes i think that if i haven’t married my ex, ill probably have cheated on my husband with him. Sometimes, my crazy mind thinks of cheating on mu husband with my ex_ITS ONE AND THE SAME PERSON

    tables can turn, things can change but GOD’s plan remain unfailing and would definetly manifest

  40. Inspired by Africa

    February 13, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Dang!!!!
    Every sentiment I ever needed to express coherently over a particular situation I was in, I found in this letter.

    Thank you Sisi 🙂

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      you’re welcome 🙂

  41. Me

    February 13, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    He cheated with a “sister” in the same choir. Hurt me to death when i found out ( We had been engaged for 3 years and everyone in Church knew it). He got married to her some months after in the same church and you can only imagine how humiliating it was for me when they both danced out to testify to God’s goodness, apparently his friends and co Pastors had been in on the joke, it was on me. Called some months ago that she put to bed and he’s a proud father of beautiful twin girls. I moved on after crying myself to sleep endlessly, punishing myself with rebound relationships, hurting other guys in return and asking where I went wrong and why God hated me so much. That was four years ago, I’m glad it happened; I’m with an awesome Man right now and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. It was God’s way of telling me he wasn’t mine cos he opened my eyes to see exactly what I was almost settling for. He’s still a serial cheat who goes after anything in skirt. We talk from time to time and his little girls are such cuties! I don’t resent him anymore nor do I resent his wife. He’s hers not mine and I found peace.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      and that’s the most important thing… finding peace. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • iba

      February 13, 2014 at 11:38 pm

      very beautiful story you got there; i just had to comment. Very very happy for you. Indeed he is hers and you found your peace. i have a friend this same thing happned to. A church sister was the person the man ended up with. It was such a small knit group and everyone knew themself. the new babe knew my friend, pastor, workers everybody you name it. My friend nearly went crazy but today she has been rewarded with a new man and life. She is currently married and doing very well. God knows how to reward everyone of us.

  42. Aryn

    February 13, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    On point sis. We often cry thinking its the end of the world, meanwhile Gods got a beta plan ahead for us.

  43. NaijaPikin

    February 13, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    I knew he wasn’t good for me….he hid well the 1st yr, but by the 3rd yr, it was clear he was a tribalist, chauvinist, controlling, insecure man. By then, i didn’t know how to let go. I prayed for God to scatter things beyond repair, and my prayers were answered(long story). But I still cried and cried. lol

    In another relationship now, I have a voice again. They say don’t compare, but i’m happy to compare because it makes me appreciate the man God has sent to me.

  44. frances

    February 13, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Awww, I love this! Turning the sad experience into good, into a glowing light used to help others.
    God bless you for sharing.

    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      thank you 🙂

  45. julz

    February 13, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    this is a nice write up, cool story .Thanks for sharing

  46. phummie

    February 13, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    hmmmmm, not sure i ll write this kind of letter to any ex though…. thumbs up.

  47. royalty

    February 13, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I’ve never commented on bellanaija before, Osayi you’ve made me break my record!! lols. I’ve been through this and I’m married now. I broke up with him after 3 -plus years of dating (abi na courtship? cos he met with my parents). I was thinking the next step was marriage when I discovered he was actually seeing someone else and even told the babe I was a desperate ex trying to win him back. I almost went crazy with grief, my parents were so scared for my health. I found myself going on his fb page, and getting my heart broken in piecesall over again when I see happy pics of him and the ‘new’ babe. Those were tough times for me. Now, God has blessed me beyond my thoughts with a man who is all I can ever dream of, and I look back and realise it would never have really worked with my ex. Our marriage would have been a tug of war and quarrels. God is able to heal every broken heart and make one smile again after tears. I’m a living witness to this fact.
    God bless you much. This is one of your sisters in PWR.

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      Yay! PWR… thanks for sharing your story too 🙂

  48. Sylvia

    February 13, 2014 at 6:21 pm

    Beautiful write up. I can relate wiv dis but in anoder context. We had d perfect relationship (at least i thot we did). Guyz can be very deceptive. Someone dt we discussed a lot, future plans and doin other stuffs dt happy couple does, even BBM sampling. Only to wake up one morning, happily went to his house and discovered dt he has left d country. Whoa! I thot it was d normal pranks his brothers play until reality dawned on me. He dint even discuss or mention any abroad stuff to me. He later called, apologising and stuff buh my dear, d deed has bin done. I cldnt eat for weeks, esp after I heard he is already married to a white and she is preggy. Thank God 4 whr I am naw. I dnt hav a Mr right yet buh I knw soonest. Ryt naw am more dedicated to God, a day can’t pass by wiv out me reading my Bible. I understand God more and take refuge in Him. ( dnt mind my boren an long story oo; matrs of d heart).

    • Osayi

      February 13, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      it’s not boring oh! thanks for sharing…

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      February 14, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Ewo! That is just gangster!

  49. nonye

    February 13, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Glad you stopped crying; something I learnt from Pastor Bimbo Odukoya – you can control your reactions to the things that happen to you. You can choose to be sad, angry or happy about a situation. No point crying, its like investing more emotion in a relationship gone south, knowing the investment will not provide good returns. Dust your shoulder, Pop your collar, Keep it moving.

  50. true talk

    February 13, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    The truth is that U can never get over ur EX. believe everything happens for a reason. Enough of Mr Ex, to my Mr present I am a Nigerian, don’t buy chocolate , flowers or card all these will fade, go for real diamond it must not be expensive, and put on my finger, I can’t wait too long, or next Val’s day u will writing ur own Ms EX,

  51. El patron medellin cartel

    February 13, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Was attracted to the sixty something comments..people thirty something,Osayi Thirty something..ladies life goes on!

    • Osayi

      February 14, 2014 at 6:47 am

      thanks for adding your comment to the numbers 🙂

  52. fashionandstylepolice

    February 13, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Wow. Nice post.

  53. Deevah

    February 13, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Hmmm! Been there, done that…wrote the bloody book. When friends told me it would get better, I wanted to wring their necks. How could it get better? How would they know? They didn’t know my pain, hurt and shame. No one did… Until ish ACTUALLY got better. We got married a week apart. I’m married to the most awesome man ever. And guess what, it GOT BETTER BEFORE I MET MY MR. WONDERFUL, so I wasn’t rebounding. To all the ladies out there, it WILL get better. I guarantee it and put my name on it. Happy St. Valentine’s

    • Osayi

      February 14, 2014 at 6:43 am

      Exactly!

  54. Afropolitan

    February 13, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Very well written and absolutely relatable. The key is to trust that God has and will fulfill that amazing plan for you; that plan that will take you to just that future that you expect and hope for.

  55. I can relate

    February 13, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    As i read this piece, rears filled my eyes. It reminded me of my first Bf, i really liked him but we always had issues..fast forward he started hanging out and going on dates with my sisters friends and they all knew we had something but oh well it didnt bother them.It took me a year to get over him with crying praying and even seed sowing in church….Choi! He got engaged and it was everywere on blogs etc.I cried
    That was 3 years ago tho, i dated sm1 after but im single right now and i intend to follow God ..after all He makes all things Beautiful in his time.Special Love to every single sisi,no pity party on Vals day,when sadness tries to come.Pray Instead!1 love❤️

    • PH Boy

      February 14, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      ……..it shall be well with you.

  56. I can relate

    February 13, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    Tears*

  57. fleur rouge

    February 14, 2014 at 4:13 am

    Trust me, he will cheat on his wife. Just never ends well. Its about integrity. Not you, not the new woman – plain integrity and a man’s ability to keep his word.

  58. Kenny

    February 14, 2014 at 7:46 am

    Beautiful write up. Keep it up babe!

    • Osayi

      February 14, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      awww yay! thank you stranger 😉

  59. Kenny

    February 14, 2014 at 7:47 am

    Thumbs up for such in-depth analysis and maturity

  60. Paul

    February 14, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Wow this is insightful. Kudos to Osayi

  61. Joy

    February 14, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Love this write up……………..all the best.

  62. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    February 14, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    If I could have a moment…

    Seriously, most of the comments here referring to God and His enduring mercies, are after the deed was done. You did not really call on Him before because frankly, he was not needed as much. Now, y’all exes shacked up with/married some woman and you are all loved up with Christ. It does not add up. It is not fair. God has feelings too, only on a much grander scale and He hurts when you use Him like the hankie in your purse you only remember when you need to wipe your face or clean your muck and you dump until further notice. The first love comes along, and after you have gushed out your gratefulness to God, you run off into the arms of yet another man. The faithful arms that held and loved your battered, bruised and broken bodies and nursed you inch by loving inch back to all round health is empty with need of you…. For those who believe in the Bible, it says: “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He would direct your path”.

    Any man who wants you should first kneel before the Throne to ask for your hand from God, who knows to whom he should give it. Don’t run headlong then along the way, you ask Him to bless your mess. That way, you maintain that vital umbilical link with your Father.
    And if bro messes up, we know who would be dealing with Him.

    • Osayi

      February 14, 2014 at 6:05 pm

      true… but sometimes we have to experience the hurt to realize how important God is to us… The important thing is to remember how important God is when another “mr” comes around… that’s the hard part… thanks for sharing 🙂

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      February 14, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      I’m sorry, but I disagree with you. Pain has never and would never glorify God. I will leave it at that.
      By the way, I remember you. You were featured as a natural haired bride. You also attend the Foursquare Gospel Church. My sister absolutely swooned with jealousy when she saw your hair.

  63. cheechee

    February 14, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    true @ bobosteke… mine was sorta funny cos there was never a breakup per say. We just stopped talking.

    • Ekwitosi

      February 14, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      @cheechee lol! Nothing needed to be said!

  64. zoe

    February 17, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    its like am going crazy inside but have been asking God for the strength to pull through and i am gradually. when i met him, about 18months ago i had just got out of some nasty breakup and wasn’t interested but somehow i thought of giving myself another chance. he was everything the others hadnt been. everyone complimented my being vaibrant. he traveled nov last year without breathing a word of it to me the excuse was, oh didnt want to hurt you, it was only my family that knew blah blah blah. then and there i knew this is the type of person i have been sleeping and waking with.he just showed his real self and if am not careful, alot more of this will happen in future. i tried broking it off but cldnt,lol. 2days ago i sent an innocent bbm chat,’i wouldnt want to loose you to someone else’ and the response i got was ‘it hurts me to do this but i have to let you go,i have alot to shoulder and am not thinking of coming back to naija, its a new world out here, you will have to move on’. yeah that is a slap i wont forget in a hurry. am shaking inside but there is nothing else i can or will do than to move on. i always prayed to God day and night about him/us. i don’t know where i faulted but i know God will bless me with one of the best he created no doubt, its a matter of time and patience….. thanks alot Osayi.

  65. Mimi

    February 18, 2014 at 11:17 am

    Wow! This is really encouraging. God bless you Osayi for this piece. Though its so painful to lose your man to someone close. If they had gotten married, they would’ve separated or divorced in the end cos they weren’t meant for each other.

  66. Marf.

    February 18, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    I thought nobody will understand the emotional torture and turmoil am going through now until I stumbles on this heartful piece this morning. I went through this exact experience including the fact that he moved on to my friend and neighbour and I saw him pass by my house to her’s almost every day. Infact, I didn’t attend her graduation in school cause I knew he would be there and he was. The Facebook pictures have the story.
    My best friend and love broke up with me, yet I have to see him in church every Sunday and have to put up a fake smile to show him I am over it and it no longer matters. He had moved on and I acknowledge that it’s over and have made my peace with the fact that we were not meant to be. I still love him but am no longer hoping it will work again cos he is so over me n it’s pointless crying over spilled milk.
    Point is that I have to see him every midweek and Sundays because of service and sometimes put up a show of joviality when am around him cos people that knew or suspected we had a relationship are watching us and I don’t want to seem bitter. Worse is that we have the same circle of friends and still hang out together but in a group.
    We are civil to each other but barely talk directly and we try as much as possible to avoid personal contact.
    After such meetings, the memory of how good we were together comes back and makes me sad and I cry cos I still love him. I have done all there is to do in the rules book including leaving the church and avoiding all contacts with our friends because I didn’t want to keep running Into him but my pastor advised otherwise. He said he understands but I am in church for God and not man. I couldn’t bring myself to shamefully tell him the whole truth that the reason why I was leaving the church of God was because a man rejected me. It’s been 3 months since and even my best friends and family are tired of my pathetic story cos they think I should have gotten over him by now.
    I have sincerely gotten over the rejection, and even forgiven him but not completely. He was not only my love, He was my best friend and I miss him so much. I know have to let go completely but my heart is still my worst enemy on this.

    • adoley

      February 23, 2014 at 12:46 am

      ….You really don’t have to see him at church on sunday…the church is everywhere not just your present church attending location and you don’t have to share the same circle of friends either. Keep the ones who are truly for you and forget about the ones who are not. Forget what others are saying or thinking and Do what you need to do to move on……I shut down my FB account (b4 the break up though…partly to do with r/t drama) and kept it down b/c I didn’t want to see pictures of the ex b/f and it harder for me to get over him… it may sound extreme, but I have other accounts that keep…Pinterest, LinkedIN, google plus, etc. and I do just fine.
      I am not saying that you hide out, but move on. The ex b/f’s sister and I work at the same place…I didn’t know until the interview that she worked there, but it didn’t stop me from taking the job b/c I do what I need to do to pay bills, but at the same time I don’t want reminders of the past to keep me from entering the future. Besides, when you meet Mr. Right…would he want to be around that which makes you sad or angry?

  67. ebony87

    February 18, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!Deep…. really deep. I’ve been there and know how it feels. Presently, i’m dating my closest male friend and am scared i might lose him and his friendship even when he says otherwise. I ask God always for strength just in case i lose him to some ladies that always hang around even when he tells them off in my presence. God help me. Relationships are not easy at all. Thanks Osayi cos you have given me insight on how to handle myself if it happens.

  68. great and strong

    February 19, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    i have been there too and i understand how you feel, but trust me chic, this whole letter is lame, i got over mine in a week. do you know what i said to myself? “this mf is somewhere having so much fun and i am here throwing a pity party!” lol! you know what i did? i told my friends enough of the pity party and lets go get the real party lol!! i got rid of everything that reminded me on him, and i got a hobby, a healthy one. i got so busy. I got alot dates turned some down, accepted the ones i felt like it. they all treat me special but trust me none of them gets to taste the cake until they put a bling on it. i have had enough already. if you can wait, then swerve, some other hot brothers are on the queue. okay, to you that wrote this letter, am sorry about how you feel, but what makes you think that ur ex is even going to read this letter, he will simply throw it away, or delete immediately after reading the email. pls darling stop being pathetic, brace up, you are a woman, that is what makes you stronger. you can go higher and achieve more than he did. focus your energy more on making more achievements. instead of writing this sappy letter, compose a nice business proposal letter to a multinational company, trust me, you will thank me later. we are ladies and we run the world. lol! am out!

  69. great and strong

    February 19, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    omg! over 100 comments? geez! exs are overrated!! smh

  70. AlliwoulddoispraiseGod

    February 21, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    I have been there too and I know this isn’t easy at all,being friend with an ex,i have had 2 huge break ups, a very bitter one at that…at a point I was scared and thought I had spiritual problem(thinking of an average naija girl)lol…..but No it just happened I haven’t been with the right person, I had fallen a victim of failed promises n lies to the extent of getting rid of a unborn baby….I pray to God for forgiveness, the last guy that broke up with me was the worse of all, this guy had little financially, i was happy being with him rather than financial gains…. my stupid self believed all he told me, the plans and all….the moment he got job elsewhere(oil n gas industry)his real self begin to show….excuses upon excuses…the guy that used to tell me I was the best of all, i was an angel with me things have changed for him, truth be told I believed him because I usually pray n fast just for him to be stable financially, mention his name specifically, things changed for him, immediately story changed, he stopped, if I send him bbm msg he would read n not respond, he stopped picking my calls, once I have the chance to pour out my mind he would say I nag…..as time goes on, the relationship faded out, i got the message clearly, he couldn’t come out boldly to tell me he was done with me…how God does his things no one knows, fast forward January 24,2014,i got engaged to my dream man in the US, i am with him presently in the US, arrangements are being made for our intro by March, God indeed is awesome, I cried n cried for God to give me my own, and he answered , this is a guy that by all standards beat hands down the last guy that treated me badly….I forgive him……lessons to my dear ladies…never give up, break up isn’t the end of the world, never loose hope….dust you self up and try again…inspired by haliyah(RIP)

  71. Lovette

    February 22, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Trust me. Majority of d pple commentin here ar females. Come 2 tink of it,we as ladies have in one point of our lives broken guys hearts so y d pity lame letter. Hvnt u stop a min to ask urself if all of these isnt nemesis? Just saying!!! Nyc piece though.

  72. adoley

    February 22, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    As someone who has been through a difficult break up myself…I definitely identify with all of the pain written in this piece. I made the decision to leave after dating for a couple of years….I knew he was cheating though I didn’t have proof, I definitely knew (eventually lol) that he wouldn’t marry me though we had gone shopping for a ring and talked about a family together. I had lost many friends over this relationship…saying that he wasn’t the right one, got mad at ppl trying to hook me up with other ppl while I was still with ex bf, trying to fend off other girls who wanted to sleep with him (for all I know he could of being really sleeping with them). And what made me really seriously think about letting go was the fact that his brother (of the ex bf) asked what I am still doing with him…he should have married me by now…I finished my schooling and now I am working…so why I am I still waiting (at the time he was in pharmacy school). Finally, I got the courage ask him if he would be marry me (without doing to the traditional ceremonies–just going to court and sign)….he said no and that he wanted to give me the best and blah, blah, blah….BUT he never said YES or that we should do it later, or that he wants to marry, but not at this time. When he said that…I decided I had a enough and told him I was done/ended the relationship. He never called me, though I wanted to still work things out to save myself from the shame and embarrassment for being with a guy for so long and him not marrying me– I waited he never called.

    14 months later… I am so happy and relieved that we never got back together….Throughout this process, my feelings gone from sadness, to anger for not knowing better and being so foolish to a much more stronger relationship with God….I learned to put him first and my trust completely in him. Now I can proudly say, if a man wants to know me he has to know God first and foremost. I am proud to say that I am truly living for him, doing his will, and being the light that he wants me to be. I know and trust that God has a perfect time marriage. I can trust that when my husband he will finds me (“he who finds a wife finds a good thing!”…..I don’t need to be desperately looking for him) that he will find someone who won’t feel bitter because of my past relationships and I will be able to invite him into my life as long as he has invited God into his. I know that I will have much more to offer to my husband when I meet him, than I did other relationships…a solid relationship with Christ, better financial management, healthy lifestyle, etc…..not a women full of brokenness,pain, looking dull and sad.

    I want to say to anyone who has gone through a horrible and difficult break-up (not eating, crying, questioning life itself….I have gone through all of that) it will get better! Through Jesus Christ….it will get better!! Allow yourself time to heal!! Allow yourself time to better yourself for the right person. So you a give a better YOU to one who deserves a better YOU. Because broken people don’t make healthy relationships nor healthy families.
    Peace

  73. Rukayat

    February 23, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Beautiful piece! Lessons learnt.

  74. tobee

    February 24, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    @ bobosteke nd lara bien,thnks fr ur contributns.our God is emotional nd has feelings too! It pays to Connect wth Him bfre rushin into d arms of any man.ther re some of us here dat had we waited on God,we would ve ended up wth our Husbands as our 1st love cos dat was wat God intended fr us.I just want to implore we ladies in d ouse to know Him personally nd we wld get the best partners frm Him.may God hlp us. Goodnyte gr8 pple!

  75. nlyn

    February 26, 2014 at 9:58 am

    you are right

  76. nlyn

    February 26, 2014 at 10:00 am

    break up , can be the most painful thing that has ever happen, but what is real is that , time heal all wounds

  77. Damola

    April 10, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    WOW!! Stumbled on this piece while crying my eyes out asking God to comfort me and heal me of this terrible pain. The comments here really helped to lift my soul from this dungeon I find myself in, thanks to everyone. Signing out with a new resolve to be strong while hoping and believing God for my own Adam who would love me irrevocably and unconditionally. I know I’ll be fine and it’s just a matter of time. #wipes tears#

  78. Diya

    October 2, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Aaaaahhhhhh Babes…………i have cried tears mehhnnn! but with each tear i trust humans less, expect less from people and learn to tie-my-heart more!

  79. Helen N.

    May 14, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    Letting go sometimes can be pretty hard, Praying to God to give me the strength to, cos im still crying.
    Lovely write up, Thanks for this!!!!

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