Dearest Mr. Ex,
Did I tell you I cried? Oh yes I cried. In fact there were many nights when I went to sleep crying and woke up still crying. It was hard for me to get over the heartbreak that all our dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans for life together could have ended so abruptly… so painfully.
Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you were now dating my roommates best friend? Well yes I cried, especially when my roommate kept asking me why we broke up, and telling me just how wonderful you were to your new girlfriend. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t understand, I put on a brave face, and it was convincing.
Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you proposed to her? You didn’t want to tell me, but I kept pushing. I thought about all those people that talked about being friends with their exes, and I wanted to be your friend, thought we could be friends, after all we were friends before we even thought about dating, but after all the bravery it still hurt. Did I tell you I sat in the bathroom talking to my best friend, because I did not want to disturb my roommate, and telling her that I couldn’t understand why I was still crying for you, it had been months but for some reason I was still crying for you. You and I were never meant to be, I knew it, but I was still crying for you.
I cried because I couldn’t understand how a good and kind God would bring you happiness, and would leave me crushed and unhappy. Was I not the one that went to church regularly? Was I not the one who always tried to do the right thing in our relationship? Was I not the one who prayed, and read the Bible, and believed every word of the Bible, while you rarely even opened the book? I felt like God would reward me with happiness instead of you, or at least before you, but things didn’t work out like that, and in that moment, I understood God better.
Did I tell you I cried, when I found out that I couldn’t attend my roommate’s graduation because you would be there with my roommate’s best friend? Yes I cried as I searched for the two of you on Facebook and saw the happy pictures, and saw our friends, no your friends, embrace her. I promised myself I would no longer cry over you, after that day, I promised myself that the ladies in church that held me, and rubbed my back as I cried over you, would never have to do it again…
And so when I thought about you months later and found out that you had gotten married to her, I remembered how you loved her, and how you talked so highly of her, and how she was the kind of woman you needed me to be, but I never was. You never quite said that, but the way you talked about how the two of you prayed together every morning, I knew you wished you and I had prayed more and argued less.
So today, I’m writing you this letter to let you know that I’ve let you go, and I’m happy for you, and happy for us. I want you to know that I’m happy, not because I’m happily married to a wonderful man now, or because I’ve heard of anything bad that happened to you (because I haven’t). No I’m happy because in the midst of the tears I learned many important things that I was too young and immature to learn before. I learned to trust God, I learned that making the right decision doesn’t always mean that things would be easy. I learned that the way I deal with heartbreak will determine whether I continue to experience the same heartbreak over and over again with different people. I learned that God loves you and me the exact same, and his love is not based on what I have done or not done. I learned that no matter how miserable a situation may seem, there is always hope… and I learned that happy endings are always just around the corner.
Thank you for the lessons. Have a wonderful Valentine’s season.
Photo Credit: whatblackmenthink.com
Osayi Emokpae Lasisi (formerly Osayi Osar-Emokpae) is the author of ‘Because You Deserve Love’, a book that helps single women deal with breakups and heartbreak. You can find out more on http://www.iyasostuff.com/breakup-heartbreak-love/. She has been to deepest pit of despair, so when she says it will get better, she knows from experience.