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Ferdy Adimefe: The Dad I Want to Be

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“The rich man is a person whose child runs into his arms when his hands are empty.”
Miss Cooper was feeling unwell. She was treated for malaria but somehow it persisted. Few days after leaving the hospital, she started throwing up frequently. That morning, I saw her rush into the bathroom and a nine-months-suspicion crept into my mind but I quickly waved it off.

“Perhaps, we should see another doctor or change the medication.” I said.
“You know, this could be more than malaria!” She said.
Typhoid!
“Ferdy, I’m afraid this plays out like morning sickness!”

After four pregnancy tests, a scan, and just two months into our marriage, we received the memo that Kaima Nathan Adimefe was coming sooner than we planned.

Missy had taken out time, from work, to obtain a Masters’ degree; and I was tinkering with the idea of a Ph.D. We had planned to give ourselves two years to tidy up and enjoy the Garden of Eden. But I have learnt to embrace life.

The days and months that followed were filled with preparation: surfing the net for stuff on how to be a dad, shopping for books, and seeking advice. But first, we had to work out where she will give birth: abroad or Nigeria? Which hospital?

And the D-day came.
I was attending an out-of-town conference. I was at the venue of the SME conference when Missy called to say she was having contractions. I badly wanted to return to Lagos.

I spoke to Dr Chuks, my Best Man who pastors a church, and he assured me that Lily would be fine, that he was praying with me, that it was normal for a first baby to arrive a week early.
While I was at the conference, my mind was in Lagos. I couldn’t wait to get back. An hour later, I called again.
“Ferdy, your little boy wants to say hi,” my mother-in-law said.
I heard his cries.
“Mother and child are doing really well.” She said. “You will have to call back.”

The next morning, I rushed from the airport to the hospital. I was quite sad, I felt guilty for my absence. But when I held him, for the first time, and looked into his eyes: a dream. I felt joy and panic, proud to be a dad, humbled to be bestowed with this baby.

I want to be the best dad! Oh my God, this is my baby!
Many nights Missy had placed my palm on her belly and I would feel him moving.
I saw him cry and it was wow! My baby can cry!
He is oblivious of time and demands company at night. Each morning when I wake up and find him sleeping, he looks like my baby pictures.


Missy and I are so lucky to have family and friends who love him as much as we do. Both our siblings (all ten of them!) adore him.

Each day I wake up to the realization that a baby changes everything. Becoming parents changed us for good. Our baby is our priority.
Last night, when Missy and I got home, we rushed off to his room, each hoping to be the first to carry him. My baby peed on my face.
Some nights we are stressed out by his ear blocking cries.

Oh, that first moment, when he fell asleep on my chest!

I remember the first time, Lily and I, tried to change his diaper. This is an art we’re still perfecting.
Right now, I want everyone to have a baby! I can’t wait to welcome our remaining two kids.

I know Kaima Nathan will grow up to make his own choices. Now is the time I have to determine his choices. I am his first teacher and his choices will be determined by the model I display and the opportunities I provide.
I want to develop a new curriculum for him. His first lessons will be the conversations I have with my wife in the morning; what will he hear me say: words of love or constant quarrels?

I hope to pass the same values of creativity, authenticity, respect, hard work, and faith to him.
It’s important that my kid gets the opportunity to pursue whatever he wants. My job is to develop his interest in all areas and not just the ones I’m keen about. I want him to have impatience for injustice and to never withhold his voice against wrong.

Someone once said, “A father shapes the hole in his child”. I grew up with a dad who wasn’t always present due to the nature of his job. He was a visiting dad. I don’t want to be a physically present but emotional absent father. I also want to be the daddy, not just the father of my son.

I hope to teach my son how to laugh at fear, to let him know that God is perfect, that there’s a hole in all other beings.

Sometimes I fail to find my patience, fail to bring out my attention, and fail to notice the little things. But I wouldn’t fail to acknowledge these shortcomings to myself and to my kids. Nobody keeps you honest like a child.

I have accepted my failures and I’m working out a change so that I won’t fail when tested again.
I pray to successfully teach my son to love and respect those precious souls called ladies; that’s the Dad I want to be and much more.

Photo Credit: Seun Idowu
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Ferdy Adimefe is a freelance writer,  media and communications strategist and Curator of the Creative Nigeria Project. His passion is to help creative people everywhere achieve profitability.  When Ferdy is not busy, he is hanging out with Lily and close friends, working on his next book, taking French and salsa classes, and pushing his knowledge of God.

47 Comments

  1. kaay squared

    May 16, 2014 at 10:31 am

    I hate tears in my eyes reading this… too sweet

  2. Orekelewa

    May 16, 2014 at 10:35 am

    awwwwww…congrats guys…i followed your story right from the day you met Miss cooper..God bless your family…

    • Sylvonce

      May 18, 2014 at 9:51 pm

      God bless u for this write up. One can feel in depth of the thoughts u behold on this beautiful journey. God’s wisdom to lead rightly and may He keep and protect ur beautiful family

  3. Mariam o

    May 16, 2014 at 10:45 am

    Am speechless, am wowed, am inspired am so happy for you. God bless your family and keep your bundle of joy. Dear olowo ori mi i know this is how we going to do ours in Jesus name. Counting down with love

  4. Valerie

    May 16, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Congrats Ferdy&Lily. i pray you’d both be the parents you want to be, God bless your family.

  5. asos

    May 16, 2014 at 10:50 am

    This is the cutest…Congrats Ferdy & “Miss Cooper” as we first knew you as. God bless your home.

  6. Hurperyeahmie

    May 16, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww…………. this is huge wow

  7. Fabulicious

    May 16, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Awww….so touching.I can totally relate where you said you wanted at least 2 years together.i have two with no regrets but believe me, in my next world,I will totally enjoy the first 2 years of marriage before we even go the baby direction….hahahaha

  8. O

    May 16, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Awww…Lily n Ferdy congratulations.

  9. DOW

    May 16, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.Congrats. Guys.He’s sooooo cute.

  10. chi

    May 16, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Ferdy’s wife is one lucky woman. I pray my daughters meet men like this. Ferdy, I pray that God gives you the grace and strength to do all you have set out to do.

  11. Berries

    May 16, 2014 at 11:01 am

    Congrats Ferdy and Miss Cooper on the birth of your baby. your write up is so refreshing. love struck..i want a baby.

  12. graciemama.com

    May 16, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Awww…this is so cute. God bless you all. May you both grow to become awesome parents to your kids. I pray that God gives you the Grace to have adorable kids and a peaceful home too.
    graciemama.com/2014/04/30/what-kind-of-parent-do-you-want-to-be

  13. Aibee

    May 16, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Awww. So Sweet. Congrats Ferdy and Miss Cooper. May God bless Kaima and make him great in Jesus name.
    This made me pause … “His first lessons will be the conversations I have with my wife in the morning; what will he hear me say: words of love or constant quarrels?”

  14. Becca

    May 16, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Congratulations Ferdy and Lily!!

  15. Annybeke

    May 16, 2014 at 11:43 am

    wow!! ferdy and miss “cooper” are now parents!!! how time flies…. followed their story from their first meeting years ago to their fun wedding and now a baby!… GOD is faithful. congratulations sweethearts.

  16. mia

    May 16, 2014 at 11:57 am

    this guy is sooo deep. hmm…

  17. @edDREAMZ

    May 16, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Congrats….
    .
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  18. AAsh

    May 16, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Congrats Ferdy and Lily……God bless and keep your baby.Amen……..absolutely delighted about this news……..wish you could see the grin on my face…….followed your story from the days of ‘Miss Cooper’……….may GOD also grant me the fruit of my womb.Amen

  19. Ii

    May 16, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    So nice…pls where can we read previous ones….how he met miss cooper and all

  20. x-factor

    May 16, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Wow!

  21. Truesophie

    May 16, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Congrats ferdy and lily.may ur happiness know no bounds cos it’s infectious.

  22. christy

    May 16, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    awwww…… so mch luv 4 u guys…….followed from ur miss cooper write post………
    God please i nd a man like ferdy!!!

  23. Ayo

    May 16, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Congratulations! This is so beautiful! Dear Kaima, you are the best of you that God created, there is nothing in this world that will stop you, you are a dispenser of Joy, Peace and many more good things to the world at large.

  24. ceejay

    May 16, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Ferdy you are a role model to men of this age…You speak my desires! Congrats and God bless your home.

  25. PR Girl

    May 16, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Congrats! This series though..you however did not inform of us of the part when you made Miss Cooper “scream your name”. *wink* Abi since you have been telling us una love story.

  26. Seun Idowu

    May 16, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    My people! Journeying with you guys has been fun all the way. To the next 5 children!!! Cheers! Happy Birthday, Ferdy!!!

  27. Didi

    May 16, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Congratulations Ferdy and Lily!!

  28. charity Chaste

    May 16, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Congrats Ferdy and Lily……God bless and keep your baby.Amen……..absolutely delighted about this news……..wish you could see the smiley on my face…….followed your love story from the days of ‘Miss Cooper’ & Creative Nigeria Event……….may GOD also grant me the grace to Join the Family League soonest

  29. masked

    May 16, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Awwwwwwww Ferdy&Miss cooper….congrats u guys. I feel like I know you guys

  30. Eunice

    May 16, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    inspiring

  31. Anonymous

    May 16, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    This is extremely touching… the world needs more men like you 🙂 Congrats on your precious gift, may he continue to be a source of joy to you and your family.

  32. Onyinye

    May 16, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Congrats Ferdy, am so happy for you . I trust you will make a good dad. God is with you and lily.

  33. Foluke

    May 16, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Awww…got me teared up! Congrats guys! May he grow strong and healthy in God’s wisdom. Amen!

  34. OBASA

    May 16, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Hurray!!!….So happy for you guys. May more bountiful joyous surround your home. Also, it’s great see you guys again. Respect Ferdy!

  35. Perpetual Adimefe Okoroafor

    May 16, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    Am overwhelmed by this, it’s one that comes from the heart, so proud of you, my younger brother (Chuks) becoming a man and then a father. Well done to you, wifey n my lit. nephew Kayima Nathan

  36. Mui Mui

    May 16, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    Congrats Ferdy and Lily. God bless your family. X

  37. LamLam

    May 16, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    DEEP

  38. Nikki

    May 16, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    Congratulationsssssssssssssssssss Ferdy and Lily!!! I had tears welled up in my eyes reading this…I’m so happy..God bless your family forever!

  39. Ibifiri kamson

    May 17, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Ferdy I love this piece. Congratulations once again. secretlilies.com

  40. Laurieta Adimefe

    May 17, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    wow ! So touching, may God give u the Grace to achieve ur dreams, all the best ferdy

  41. Segun Nofiu

    May 17, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Wow! You’ve always being so inspiring to me, even your life. Am grateful to God for the wonders He is doing in your life and He will never cease to do more and more in Jesus’s name. As a point of contact, God will perfect the arrival of my baby too as soon as possible this month in Jesus’s name. (Amen). God bless you for sharing this, it goes a long way. Success in every side of your life my Man.

  42. BA

    May 18, 2014 at 3:18 am

    Miss Cooper got herself a Good Man. God bless this beautiful family.

  43. Domo!

    May 18, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    Congrats Ferdy and Missy! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us …As always your eloquence and sincerity is both desirable and admirable. Wishing you God’s abundant blessings to you and your fast-growing family

  44. Martha

    May 19, 2014 at 7:44 am

    Congs Ferdy and Lily, ve followed ur write ups and ur Love is great I like it, wish e best and keep e fountain of Love flowing and keep Jesus at e center and e Love will flourish.

  45. lulu

    May 24, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    Awwww. this is so swt….May God bless this Family

  46. Ibidunni_D

    January 14, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    Word cannot simply explain the avalanche that is embedded in me towards this ravishing artistic piece of art! Such a midas touch you posses. God bless you and your lovely family. Ameen

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