Last week, I bumped into a longtime friend and as we exchanged greetings and all the necessary pleasantries, neither of us could deny the faint awkwardness that lingered in the air. We met at Sixth-form College and became fast friends; she is extremely vivacious and full of fun and very pretty too; we were the three Musketeers – me, her and a third friend. After college, all three of us went on to different universities but remained close friends. We visited each other at our respective universities and hung out during the long summer months. It was on one of such visits to my university many years ago, that my friend, let’s call her Dupe, met another friend of mine, (from university) let’s call him Dapo. During Dupe’s visits, naturally, she met most of my friends as we’d all go out clubbing and lunching together and just have a good time. The minute I came back from the bus stop one day, after seeing Dupe off, Dapo was on my case – “men, that your friend is fiinnnneeee! Please hook me up now”. I playfully brushed him off as a simple case of guys not being able to see a fine girl and keep it moving.
As it so happened, Dupe had noticed Dapo as well and asked me about him. Long story short, I did the hook up and they started dating. At the beginning, it was all fun, games and good times; we were like a big blended family. Fast forward to second year, I got to find out that Dapo was playing not one but at least two away matches. One of them was a mutual friend of Dapo and I, who he was having regular sex with, but told her that he and Dupe were just “talking” that it wasn’t anything serious. Even when I told her that he wasn’t being honest, she found it hard to believe me because of how he had vehemently denied anything serious was going on with him and Dupe, talk less of them dating. My younger self then, took it upon herself to ask Dapo and of course he denied that anything was going on with our mutual friend. He also denied downplaying him and Dupes relationship.
I decided to remain quiet, hoping that now that I had asked him and he knew that I knew, that he would stop. That was however not the case because he continued with our mutual friend (Who, left to her didn’t know Dupe and believed Dapo anyway). Eventually, I told Dupe as I felt my loyalty was to her; having met her before Dapo and being closer to her. As you might have already guessed, Dupe did not believe me; she accused me of trying to come between her and her love and told me to back off. From then onwards, when Dupe would come visiting to my university, she would go straight to Dapo’s room; I wouldn’t even know she was around, until I either bumped into them or someone else mentioned seeing her. And so our relationship disintegrated.
A few months later, I found out they had broken up because Dapo had chatted up and eventually played away with one of Dupe’s friends. Understandably, she couldn’t tell me herself and even after I found out, she still couldn’t bring it up with me. We tried to mend things but it was just never the same again. The experience taught me a very valuable lesson, never to get involved (I don’t even do hook ups) and I haven’t strayed from that lesson since.
In trying to understand Dupe’s reaction, I imagine it is difficult to receive such news from a third party (friend or not). It is one thing to discover the information yourself (a la phone check or catching the offender pants down) but when someone is bringing the news to you, it makes you feel vulnerable and I can imagine that’s what the person doesn’t want to have to deal with. The only person I “may” break my rule for is my sister, other than that; I will certainly be minding my business.
Would you get involved?
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Isaiah Love
Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/ nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a fulfilled and happy life.