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Ada Obiako: Your Greatest Enemy Is Not Your “Hater”

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Our “haters” have become the crutch we use for not living our best lives.

Our “haters” have become the excuse we offer as to why we continuously refuse to live a life of purpose and fulfillment. We eagerly look around at our environments and look for the easiest person we can cast the blame on for OUR timid and uninspiring choices in life. After all, it is our “haters” that rule our life right?

Wrong.

Your greatest enemy is NOT your “hater”. Your greatest enemy is NOT your circumstance or your unfair lot in life. Your greatest enemy is NOT an external being or force.

Your greatest enemy is your ego.

When you hear the word “ego”, you probably think little of it. You probably assume that your ego is that silly little bit of arrogance and pride that flares up in you when you get first position in class or when you start dating that fine “babe” or “hot guy” that you know all your friends have been drooling over. That’s it, abi? That’s the big hoopla about “ego” right?

Yes, superficial pride and arrogance is part of your ego, but there is SO MUCH MORE to your ego than you give it credit for.

In case you don’t already know, your ego has a PURPOSE. Your ego’s job is to stand as the ultimate obstacle between you and your best life. Your ego takes many forms in your life: from arrogance and pride to self-pity and despair.

I know what you’re thinking.

Doesn’t self-pity mean I don’t have much of an ego? Isn’t ego just a thing for the proud and haughty?

No, no, my friends. Your ego is much more inclusive and intriguing than you’d like to think. You see your ego has one definitive character trait:

It makes everything in life about YOU.

Your arrogance is about YOU and how “better than the rest” you are. Your pride is about YOU and how much you’ve “got-it-all-together”. Now let’s not forget the other side of the spectrum. Your self-pity is also egotistical – it’s about YOU and how “imperfect” you are.

Your extreme sensitivity to the words and actions of others (this is one wahala I know well o!) is about YOU and how “unkind” & “unfair” people/life are to YOU. Pray tell, why are you taking everything so personally? Other people are simply human beings on this spiritual journey of life, making some really great choices along the way and sometimes some poo ones, JUST LIKE YOU. Who told you their negative behavior at times towards you is anything you should hold on to or focus your energy on? Ah, that’s right, YOUR EGO did.

Who do you think is responsible for the negative, self-loathing and unproductive thoughts that viciously float through your mind?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think is the one that deludes you into thinking you’re “perfect just the way you are” and you have absolutely no room for improvement in your thought life, with your words, or when it comes to your actions?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think is the one that keeps you totally self-absorbed and anxious all the time that you consistently miss the opportunities in front of you to love and serve OTHERS (yes, someone besides yourself love) well?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think is responsible for keeping you so distracted by your physical, intellectual, and/or financial insecurities that you never take the time to figure out what your God-given purpose is and how you were created to impact your world?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think gets a happy kick out of life when you are obsessed with competition and find yourself sick with insecurity and jealousy time after time…after time?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think gets the award for making you feel like your spiritual development and attainment of peace, joy, and contentment are damn-near impossible to attain?

YOUR EGO.

Who do you think has a vested interest in your demise?

YOUR EGO.

Don’t waste your time focused on your “haters”, loves. They are the small fishes in the pond. Focus on your ego instead – that’s the mental shark you NEED to learn how to control and starve in your life.

Your “hater” says, “you’re a loser! You can’t do anything good in the world!”, and goes about his or her business. Your ego is the one that replays the words in your mind over and over again like a broken record: “I’m a loser….I can’t do anything good in the world….I’m a loser…I can’t do anything good in the world…I’m a loser…I CAN’T DO ANYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD.”

My question to you is simple, loves:

When will you stop allowing your ego to run your mind and start telling it to shut the heck up?

I hope it’s soon; you’ve got your BEST life waiting for you to live it 🙂

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bevan Goldswain

Adaeze Diana is a freelance writer, copy-editor, speaker, and vision coach who helps young Christian women feeling depressed/hopeless discover who they are and why they exist so that they can learn how to enjoy more fulfilling and fruitful lives. She blogs about the spiritual lessons she's learned at www.deserveyourgreatlife.com. You can follow Adaeze on Twitter and Google+.

20 Comments

  1. Ololajulo

    August 13, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Well said..

  2. aisha

    August 13, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Nice word!

  3. Nahum

    August 13, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    Damn….just what I needed to read. I am super sensitive it has now become embarassing

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      I know what you mean! My sensitivity is something that I am continually disciplining and learning to use as a positive force in my life (I focus on being more empathetic and compassionate towards others) rather than a negative one (i.e. taking everything people say personally). Keep doing the same with yours and you will eventually develop a good handle on it:)

  4. Tokunbo

    August 13, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Couldnt agree more, Nice piece

  5. gloria okwusi

    August 13, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    so true

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      Thank you for commenting, Gloria! It is surely a lesson we all need to re-learn daily (myself included:)

  6. sum1special

    August 13, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    word…people screaming hater when no one has got your time.

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:38 pm

      And it is so easy for us to get caught up on the idea of “haters” because it is heavily promoted within our communities and through various media channels (including social media). The sooner we realize where our main focus needs to lie (development within ourselves), the sooner we can achieve peace and make progress on our God-given path.

  7. Chineze

    August 13, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    Wow…I am. so following her on twitter

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Thank you, Chineze! My Twitter handle is @AdaezeDiana 🙂

  8. 1 + The One

    August 14, 2014 at 1:20 am

    Great piece as always Ada.. We must achieve the best life!

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:28 pm

      Ayo, ayo! Thank you my dear. Like you said, we must achieve the best life and so we must start getting out of our own way:)

  9. adex

    August 14, 2014 at 11:49 am

    i love you

  10. papermoon

    August 17, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Ada, God bless u for ur wisdom. if only we could control the things our minds think about, we will fly like eagles, and ‘haters’ will not exist because we would train our minds not to recognise them.

    • Adaeze Obiako

      August 18, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      Thank you! And may God bless you too:) Like you’ve said, once we can take control of the noise in our heads we can truly open ourselves to enjoy the divine magic of life and serve others at our best capacity.

  11. amaka

    October 11, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Lovely piece…this is surely spoke to me

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