Connect with us

Features

Isio Knows Better: After Cheating

Published

 on

Isio-Knows-Better-May-2014-Bellanaija1-562x600I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!
***
She sat there on the bare floor, asking herself how it had come to this. She was once strong, innocent and vibrant. She once spent her afternoons in the parks; beautiful moments spent on the swings, swaying and laughing with wild abandon…she had been told that she had a beautiful laugh. That was then. These days she didn’t feel beautiful. She felt weak, tired and worn-out. She didn’t even remember what it felt like to laugh.

At least you are not crying anymore…

That defiant part of her that was once her self-respect reminded her feebly. She was surprised she still had it in her though. She went everyday with pain in her eyes she tried to hide. She didn’t believe she was special anymore. Somehow he had beaten it out of her- life had beaten it out of her. After a while she thought that if she wasn’t crying, it meant that she was happy- it had been so long- it seemed she had forgotten what it felt like to be truly happy.

Why am I here, dear God what happened to me? It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

“Can you move out of the way? I am late for work!”

His harsh uncompromising tone had jeered her out of her self-pity. Indeed she was seated on the floor by the doorway. She looked up with sad eyes- the windows to an almost broken soul- at the glorious man who had vowed to love and honour her until death did them part. Clad in an Armani suit with a crisp new haircut and his currently tightly tense jaw, he looked glorious yet formidable. He did not even look at her, he looked through her. She wondered how he could be look so beautiful on the outside yet oh-so-ugly inside.

She scampered out of the way and called out his name. If only he would look at her, perhaps he would see her.

He didn’t.

He just strode out of their bedroom and barked to Adamou to bring the car out front.

He was going to work indeed. It was a Saturday. Perhaps he was going to see that woman. He would touch her and kiss her and he would love that woman the way he used to love her. She had suspected for months, but he had said she was just being paranoid. And then that morning, he had told her that he was in love with someone else. That she was pregnant with his child. That they were going to keep it. Yes- it was her. He just thought she should know (so he said).

She wailed hot, miserable and bitter tears as she slumped on the floor broken. She didn’t care that the domestic staff could hear her. She didn’t care that she wasn’t as strong as she thought five minutes ago.

****

The above is the story of a woman who is being cheated on.

A lot has been said about love and happy endings, but not enough on how you are supposed to deal with the mental and psychological consequences of a cheating spouse and worse- a partner who has simply fallen out of love with you for whatever reason. It is very hard to deal with, especially if you are still deeply in love with them.

Please make no mistake, men are being abused and cheated on just as women are being cheated on. Perhaps in different ways and for different reasons, but both happen.

So how do pick yourself up after you’ve been so betrayed in a marriage? I have met many married folk who out of kindness or concern have given me some advice on “taking the giant step”, and I listen intently. But when I ask back how one is supposed to deal with a cheating spouse in marriage, they either quickly change the topic or mumble something about “all-men-cheat”, ignoring, praying-and-fasting and or living for your kids and simply co-existing with the said partner.

Statistically speaking, one or the other in a marriage will have affairs. Physical or emotional. It is very romantic to believe that neither you nor your partner would be attracted to anyone else until you both wither and die. Highly romantic, yet idealistic- and kinda naive.

“So how do you deal with this when this happens?” I asked God in my quiet moments.

What if we love each other but somehow he strays? So many people are hurting, desperate for courage and understanding to heal themselves and their marriages.

And just like that on one night I spent reading like I usually do before sleeping, I came across these words on Philosophersmail.com:

Both parties must scrupulously avoid making the marriage ‘about sex’. They must also, from the outset, plan for the most challenging issue that will, statistically-speaking, arise for them: that one or the other will have affairs. Someone is properly ready for marriage when they are ready to behave maturely around betraying and being betrayed.

The inexperienced, immature view of betrayal goes like this: sex doesn’t have to be part of love. It can be quick and meaningless, just like playing tennis. Two people shouldn’t try to own each other’s bodies. It’s just a bit of fun. So one’s partner shouldn’t mind so much.

But this is wilfully to ignore impregnable basics of human nature. No one can be the victim of adultery and not feel that they have been found fundamentally wanting and cut to the core of their being. They will never get over it. It makes no sense, of course, but that isn’t the point. Many things about us make little sense – and yet have to be respected.

The adulterer has to be ready to honour and forgive the partner’s extreme capacity for jealousy, and so must as far as is possible resist the urge to have sex with other people, must take every possible measure to prevent it being known if they do and must respond with extraordinary kindness and patience if the truth does ever emerge. They should above all never try to persuade their partner that it isn’t right to be jealous or that jealousy is unnatural, ‘bad’ or a bourgeois construct.

On the other side of the equation, one should ready oneself for betrayal. That is, one should make strenuous efforts to try to understand what might go through the partner’s mind when they have sex with someone else. One is likely to think that there is no other option but that they are deliberately trying to humiliate one and that all their love has evaporated. The more likely truth – that one’s partner just wants to have more, or different, sex – is as hard to master as Mandarin or the oboe and requires as much practice.

Two people have to be able to master these feats, because they may – over a lifetime – be called upon to demonstrate them. This – rather than a vow never to have sex with another human again – should be the relevant test for getting {and staying} married.

Wow. Food for thought. Thank you for the clarity sweet Lord.

And what about you? Have you been cheated upon? Did you cheat? Have you simply fallen out of love or have someone fall out of love with you? How did/do you cope?

Have a blessed Tuesday my lovelies!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

136 Comments

  1. Ola

    August 5, 2014 at 11:34 am

    I walked into my boyfriend’s apartment on a Saturday when he claimed he was working. Came in and found him with someone else. Still at a loss of what to make of it

    • Jo!

      August 6, 2014 at 11:28 am

      Mehhhhhhn, this comments section… HA!

  2. curvy ene

    August 5, 2014 at 11:39 am

    hmmm, this is smtn to mull over. av honestly thought a lot about cheating and the consequences nd this exercpt from the philosophers is a new one to me. if u shld always be open to betrayal dt means u have trust issues. thank God u dint contemplate d “all men cheat’ nonsense, dts d old tired excuse. finally if u forgive a cheat he will continue cheating on u cos he feels u willl always forgive.

  3. www.ANEMISTYLE.com

    August 5, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Good article and quite intense. Never been cheated on so I don’t know what it feels like but I believe in never letting anyone determine your self worth ladies and never settle for the ‘all men cheat’ rubbish! There is someone out there that will treat you better!

    • lily

      August 5, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      truth my sister…..there are men out dere, Godly men whose lifes revolves around God. it not easy but God’s grace and strength surrounds them as well as people that cheat

  4. Meanwhile

    August 5, 2014 at 11:52 am

    My lover, my friend, my person has fallen out of love with me. I pushed him though ( thanks to some bad advice). I am beyond bereft, I’ve fallen ill, sleep eludes me and most of all i can’t live with my own thoughts. I just dont know what to do.

    • MyTwoPence

      August 5, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      This happened to me. all i did was give him space and time, we still broke up but today we are the best of friends and iv had a chance to prove to him over and over again that im one of the best things in his life. *wink*

    • Ferrari

      August 6, 2014 at 10:48 am

      I’ve had the same experience

  5. Annoymous

    August 5, 2014 at 11:54 am

    exactly what am going tru at d moment, my fiance went to the uk for a year plus and now that is bac, there seems to another lady in the picture, thou he seems sorry but i think he is sorry to be caught not sorry he cheated.
    cant seems to get my head over it, thinking of calling off the engagement, but then will that be a solution?

    • Jhennique

      August 5, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      it will be the best solution. you might think he wont cheat again, u might think perhaps you will be able ro handle it if he does it again, you might think you might never find a better man afterall most men are cheats. but let me tell you, hoping for a man that will be faithful to you as you are faithful to him isnt reaching for the stars. its not too much to ask. once a cheat, always a cheat. Be calm,, pray and wait, your man will come. or else u break it off temproraily and give it time to see how much he meant that apology.

    • Ayo

      August 5, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Call off the engagement and pass him to me! Been searching since mayb God will answer my prayers through you.

    • benny

      August 5, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Desperate much!!!

    • Jamce

      August 6, 2014 at 12:34 am

      @Gbosa for you…

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Really??

  6. Tracy

    August 5, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    This seems practical….However, the main issue I have with this approach (personally), is that is it is not Gods prescribed way. Secondly, most Nigerian men love to cheat but cannot stand the thought of their wives cheating and even consider it unforgivable. I don’t get the double standard, why dish out what you cant take? or does God have different standards for men and women?. I personally think that the only way to get a man to understand how cheating hurts is to cheat on Him in return and play him as well (the carnal part of me). Also, the lies/deceit that go along with the cheating is even worse in my opinion…and then some men have the effrontery to act arrogant after they have been caught…I guess women make it easy for them…

    • Somebody

      August 5, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      You had me at “this is not Gods prescribed way”. I was thinking the exact same thing as I read the excerpt regardless, this is a thought-provoking one. Keep writing, Isio. Thanks.

    • oyinda

      August 7, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      wow your comment gives me joy….am so tired of especially African women seeing themselves as the cause of their husband’s cheating lifestyle with different videos and articles explaining why he is the victim and the woman is the one with a problem….different videos and articles explaining what she did wrong that pushed him out but has anyone thought of doing videos or writing articles to tell these men how disgusting it is to cheat or how to forgive their partners when she is caught pant’s down??? its even painful when ladies try to be at the mercy of men that do not deserve them

  7. latifa

    August 5, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    I have fallen out of Love with my man. Once you fall out of love with someone….it takes a miracle to fall in love again. I woke up one morning to realise I didn’t love my bf the way I did when we started dating, those days when I couldn’t get enough of him….wow!! He loves me so much and he’s willing to stay even after noticing how much I’ve change towards him. I can’t control my feelings I’m still in this relationship coz I feel bad for him and I know deep down that his type are rare. Isn’t it better to break off the relationship than get married to him knowing I might cheat….But then again it’s possible that if I marry him, I might fall back in love again….ITS SO COMPLICATED!!!

    • Impeccable

      August 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      If you have any love or respect for him then end the relationship. Why prevent someone else from loving him wholeheartedly and giving him what he deserves if he is such a great and ‘rare’ type. Unfair to him for you to continue with the present status quo.

    • Alesha

      August 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      My dear, Love is a CHOICE., its not a feeling…. The minute you understand that, you are set free! You will not always ‘feel’ love. Heck sometimes I dont even love myself (especially when im in my period!)
      Think about it this way, you grew up with ur siblings right, and you love them dearly but did they not annoy the life out of you? Did you not fight and beat each other up at every opportunity? Did you not snitch each other up to your parents to avoid punishment? But you still love them nonetheless because you have no choice, actually you do have a choice but your choice is to continue to love – they are your siblings. That’s what true love is! And yes, you can love a man like that too. Take a look at your parents’ marriage, do you think they ‘felt’ that loving feeling all the time? It is impossible and naive to think that’s what love is all about….

      I’m not saying loving a man will make him cheat-proof or stay faithful but if you wake up one day and decide that you’ve lost that ‘loving feeling’ then maybe you never loved him to begin with.

    • Anon

      August 5, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      I disagree with you and these are my reasons –

      “Think about it this way, you grew up with ur siblings right, and you love them dearly but did they not annoy the life out of you? Did you not fight and beat each other up at every opportunity? Did you not snitch each other up to your parents to avoid punishment? But you still love them nonetheless because you have no choice, actually you do have a choice but your choice is to continue to love – they are your siblings. That’s what true love is!”

      This is called storge. Otherwise known as sisterly/brotherly love.

      “And yes, you can love a man like that too.”

      No you can’t love a man or woman with this type of love. You can love a man or woman with the love called eros. Remember, here, sex plays a big part. In sisterly/brotherly love there’s no sex.

      Take a look at your parents’ marriage, do you think they ‘felt’ that loving feeling all the time? It is impossible and naive to think that’s what love is all about….

      Parents started off with eros and now eros has turned to philia. Or a combination of both eros and philia (friendship.)

      Please don’t confuse things. Love should be categorised if you are going to use different types of human happiness.

      Then there is agape love.

      C.S Lewis is a good read for more.

    • MyTwoPence

      August 5, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Alesha God bless you for this reply!!!!!! I wish everyone would understand this. LOVE IS NEVER ABOUT THE FEELING! in fact the feling is mostly in the beginning. it will fade, it will die and what is left of the ashes is REALITY! in fact the quicker reality is staring you in the face the better for you

    • Bent

      August 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      pity this poor guy.

    • MyTwoPence

      August 5, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      lol! That “waking up one morning” thing. trust me wen i say its just a phase that most relationships go through. do you think there wont be times when you fall out of love with the person u are married to? sometimes irritated, sometimes even disgusted. You just have to teach yourself to love this same person over and over again, once u settle that in your mind, your heart will follow.
      Love is not about the feelings, they wont always be there, Love is the descsion to stay with that person no matter what, be there for them, work it out, be devoted to them even when you cant find a reason to.
      Thats why the rate of divorce is high up these days cos once the feelings are gone everybody wants out. Relationships take work to make it strong. except there are other reasons oh and you know he is not good for you, otherwise use this opportunity to teach yourself how to fall in love with your partner over and over again. it is not a bed of roses, expect some thorns along the way. thats life!

    • latifa

      August 7, 2014 at 1:02 am

      Thanks to every one who contributed and to you @MyTwoPence trust me when I say you two pence really helped, Thank You again.

    • sumptuos_sista

      August 8, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Pls dont , because the next person you date might not be as in love with you as him/might not treat you right .He would be a better choice then…but it would be too late……….Think! . make a list of the things you liked about him when you first started datiing and try to rekindle that love !

    • Isioma

      October 23, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Every thing is in your mind, once you can get your mind to fall in love again then every other thing would follow. If you leave him now, you may later come to the realisation that you have made a terrible mistake and it may be too late to fix it. Think about the reasons why you fell in love in the first place. Remember them cos sometimes we forget. If those things are still there, then your love for him ought to rekindle. If they are things you feel you have outgrown or you no longer need or you can live without, then end the relationship, its you that would manage the feelings irrespective of the choice you make.

  8. Babytohcute

    August 5, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    I am a product of cheating. I feel caught in the middle of everything. Not a part of my life I like to acknowledge or talk about. If you must cheat abeg consider the effects, and if it ends up with a child, deal with it. Frankly, no matter how you accept your spouse will cheat, it’s never easy when it happens.

  9. Miss E

    August 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Isio, you are the best. Very enlightening post.

  10. ade

    August 5, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Bless Isio!

  11. Grown Woman

    August 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Infedility issues are just pathetic, i wish people could just be happy with their partners as they say
    “You can go to all the butcheries, but the meat will always be the same”

    • Grown Woman

      August 5, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      *Butchers*

  12. aisha

    August 5, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Hmmmmm….word!

  13. abby

    August 5, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    isio this is food for thought like you said…my straw curls is standing at attention

  14. Sara

    August 5, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Why do I get the feeling that Isio is being sarcastic? A bit of a tongue in cheek article?

  15. Created Woman

    August 5, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    hmm my ex who is getting married this October told me that he is going to cheat on is wife
    and to my amaze ball he is inviting me for his wedding all expenses paid(evil grin) I will get introduced as a cousin if need be we get to stay in the same hotel , shey be the girl go house after traditional marriage for church wedding the next day.
    she use her gra gra separate us. I practically begged him to marry her cos I want to pay her in her own coin
    the bride to be knows there is a woman in the picture but I feel she thinks he going to change (lol) he begs me to give him a child and want me to get pregnant before his new wife
    I only pity for the girl because na her loss.
    me I just want to be a hard working single mum I already have one child in current marriage and will have another from him I no get time to stay for marriage abeg .
    I have been cheated on so I know how it feels like and as for those who will shout KARMA she has been giving me anal s****x since day one so am used to her
    (quote and curse me Get Ebola)

    • Speechless

      August 5, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Chai, diaris God o!
      Diaris God o
      In everything we are doing, diaris God o

      Diaris God o, diaris God o, diaris God o

      I have heard and seen many but tot seen this kind in my whole life.
      Chai, chai chai

    • MyTwoPence (Jhennique)

      August 5, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      LMAO. diariz really God!!!

    • Speechless

      August 5, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      “my ex who is getting married this October”
      “I just want to be a hard working single mum”
      ” I already have one child in current marriage ”

      BN folks help me out, i seem not to decipher these.
      If you say your ex, meaning you are single.
      You have a child in current marriage, meaning you moved on, married and then had a child.
      You are currently married and you want to be a single mum…….

      confused, baffled, bemused, dazed, perplexed, disjointed, dumbfounded, discombobulated, flabbergasted

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 5, 2014 at 6:12 pm

      What, you caught all those and missed the clunker at the end:- “I have been cheated on so I know how it feels like and as for those who will shout KARMA she has been giving me anal s****x since day one so am used to her”??

      I’m starting to think she’s cheating with the bride… maybe? But such pondering is way, way above the amount of brain fuel I feel is worthy to be invested in this pathetic yarn.

    • frostycake

      August 6, 2014 at 3:12 am

      This is freaken funnyyy…my dear am confused toooo

    • Thatgidigirl

      August 5, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Wow! that’s a lot of bitterness right there.

    • Biols

      August 5, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      abeg this is just a made up story……….. u think we are 2yr old? Even those that write friction stories for kids in primary school know what is collaboration.

  16. bumble bee

    August 5, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Hmmm, yeah I was in a relationship where he constantly cheated and yet I stayed like a fool at the end of it he broke up with me, for no reason at all!!! Fast forward 6years later,everyday I thank God he did cos I ended up meeting someone who after 4years of being together,still loves me like we just met!!! No woman should settle for less ever.. it’s not just about cheating,its about the emotions and what’s left out of it.. if he constantly does and you think he is going to change,you are digging your own grave!!! No one is above mistakes, but a line should be drawn as to where his loyalty and heart it, if it’s not with you, no need forcing it.. dust up your behind and take a walk.. by staying mute and with him,you are reducing your chances of meeting someone better

    • MyTwoPence (Jhennique)

      August 5, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      @Anonymous, do you hear this???

  17. Gorgeous

    August 5, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    When I was younger and unserious, I cheated and I was cheated on. I find that back then I got bored easily and was not ready for any relationship. The truth is though, when I love someone, I would never cheat. It is when I have decided I am on my way out and not going back I cheat and move on. It hurts to be cheated on, and it feels exhilarating to cheat on a cheat.lol. You almost want to show him evidence.

    That being said, marriage to me is a bed undefiled. At this point in my life, I don’t think I can long suffer with anyone. I will have all the kids I want and leave the person if they are hell bent on cheating. I did not get married to die with anyone reckless enough to put their life at risk and the lives or future of their own kids out of selfishness.

    I always make this point known, clearly before any serious talk. I want to live a long and happy life, and God willing see my children’s children. No bagger can take that from me because he is an insatiable sub human.
    I came from a loving family, so I know what a good man is. I am also not afraid to be alone if it comes to that. Quite frankly, I would happily not remarry.

  18. Parable

    August 5, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    The simplest and truthful analogy of a man’s behavior with regards to cheating!

    We all have our homes right? sometimes you feel like going for sight seeing to different places but does that mean you wouldn’t return to your house? No! You will

    No matter how you like or enjoy where you went visiting, would that take the place of your house? No!

    Sometimes, you just feel like going out or visit a place due to the following:
    -You are bored
    -Out of curiosity (what are they doing there?)
    – based on a request by a friend
    – change of environment
    -adventure…
    -and finally temptation.

    This is the same manner it is to cheating. Note that cheating/sleeping with someone outside is not a continuous or daily affair. It comes like an urge/spontaneous….` Many at times, it is not intentional. Not pre-planned

    The man loves his wife, would never replace her, would never trade his wife for a side chick, but sometimes he is just bored. Sometimes, out of curiosity, he wants to know what is out there; sometimes to fit in when friends go out/travel on a mission; as part of an adventure or based on temptation- especially those men who go to clubs or those who don’t go to church and doesn’t have their mind renewed. The environment alone is enough to corrupt people’s mind.

    Having said all the above and NOT JUSTIFYING CHEATING in whatever form, it takes self discipline and grace to remain focused and committed to his partner. He must be a real child of God who has his mind renewed on a constant basis or else, the devil will come and sow thorns in the middle of his seed. The wife must help him not to fail victim of these temptations (from girls who want to get laid, club girls who can do anything to get their own cash). She can help him by praying for him, encouraging him to be rooted in God to have his mind renewed and not fall into temptation, not scorn or nag him into the hands of the devourer outside but open up their arms and give a listening ear if there is someone outside tempting him so he can relate with the wife and let that die there.

    When it happens, how do you cope?
    -leaving him, calling of the wedding/engagement (as some are saying above is not the best option). What if you leave this one and meet the one that is worse off? Someone who isn’t doing it today might change tomorrow so its not just about being angry and want to destroy everything
    -if you are married, talk over it, let him know you are always there for him and when any of those times come, you could help out. Sorry to say it the way it is (i can give you a blow or what you want to go get outside)
    -renewal of mind again to- its a daily thing. Let him have his mind renewed
    -go for a trip/holiday either alone or with him to heal yourself
    -forgive
    -encourage yourself in the Lord

    When it goes beyond this, he needs a deliverance
    Sorry for the long write up

    • CraftyHeart

      August 6, 2014 at 5:31 am

      Does this apply when a wife cheats too?

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:45 am

      …..of course it should apply!

    • Shaz

      August 6, 2014 at 10:30 am

      Are you assuming it is only men who cheat?

    • Sassy

      August 9, 2014 at 8:03 am

      I rarely insult people but I have got to say that you are really very ignorant! My close friend is going through that right now and the husband is still emotionally abusing her. Its so pathetic because she truly is an angel. She did all of the above, plus supporting his sorry self for the years he was without a job, now he makes N6million a month, he finds it so difficult to provide for his kids after he made her resign her job.

      Ladies, once a man starts cheating on you, please get out before you end up with a disease, in addition to being physically and emotionally hurt.

  19. Jay

    August 5, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    I have never cheated. I love my bf too much, I don’t have any friend asides him. He is my lover, friend, fitness trainer, motivator, prayer partner. I really don’t have space to fix someone else in my life cos he is quite a handful.
    I don’t believe what is written above, the Bible is my guiding principle. My partner has never cheated on me either.

    • I'mMeBaby!

      August 5, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Isn’t it a bit concerning that you have no friends besides your boyfriend? That could be unhealthy.

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:46 am

      True talk!

    • Dora the explorer

      August 5, 2014 at 3:50 pm

      wonderful!!!

    • Ceecee

      August 5, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      My dear you are quite deluded…

    • Hadassah

      August 10, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      Please try to have friends…

    • peyton

      August 11, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      if really you read the bible then you will realize that your bf, is not your all GOD is our utmost love belongs to him, firstly you love the Lord with all your heart soul and might.You.If you want to make your bf your all in all please feel free but do not make your reasons based on the bible that is some falsehood and a wrong interpretation of scriptures for even scriptures tell us of the friend that sticks closer than a brother and the friend who lays his life for his friend(JESUS CHRIST).

  20. Akwanwa

    August 5, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    I hav a husband who has never cheated on me, we hav 3 kids but my problem is since the birth of my 1st child sex has bcome a problem for me, I’m hardly in the mood for it, my husband is really a good man he’s trying all he cud to bring me back to my old self but its not ǰust working, I now see sex as something I ǰusτ need to do ɑпd I can practically count the number of times we av had sex dis year, the painful part is dat this is the only thing dat causes our quarrel, aside this our marriage wud hav been close to perfection, I need advise on Whατ to do.

    • MyTwoPence (Jhennique)

      August 5, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Mybe you should talk to a mentor couple. seek counselling, no situation is hopeless

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 5, 2014 at 6:20 pm

      You should plan a get-away, just the two of you. Nothing too grandiose , even a local B&B tucked away in a far corner of whatever region or state you live in will do. Or (even though I’m no marriage counsellor), maybe role-play a little in the bedroom to make things seems brand new, in a sense? Recreate moments you remember from when you both started dating and had the serious hots for each other. Open up to him and be sincere about what really gets your “on” button working and see if he won’t jump at the chance to keep you in the mood.

      In summary, what I’m trying to say is that if you love each other like you say you do, you’ll make the effort to assess all your options because it takes both parties to keep your ship sailing at an even keel.

    • Ololajulo

      August 5, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Darling, please see a therapist or doctor, could be your hormones or the state of your mind. It is not okay to not be in the mood so often…

    • Tincan

      August 6, 2014 at 9:24 am

      I know where you are at because I have same issue. Infact, hubby and I just recovered from last session of him saying to me ‘babes-this-is-not-working-for-me, I-need-you’. He had actually started to doubt if I am still in love with him. Now I know from talking to my girlfriends that I am not the only one that’s in this situation and I’m only on child number 2. When I analysed the issue, I worked out that the underlying cause is that by the time we get to night time, I am knackered beyond reasoning. Whilst we (hubby and I) were talking, I said to him, ‘look at my day. Usually, from when I wake up, it’s go, go, go, go, till bedtime. When I need to sleep, it’s almost like coma’. So we agreed that in spite of the fact that he’s a great guy and all, he still needs to pitch in more. We need to ensure kids are in bed early, TOGETHER, we need to be more purposeful about said activities, TOGETHER, we need to vary things up, TOGETHER. It mostly can’t just be about him ‘turning up’ when I am feeling half dead. Secondly, no wife was to feel like she’s a ‘relieving machine’ for her man, well, I don’t! That means that men need to find out how to work us up and by that I don’t mean 5 mins of 4play, it’s the words you say to me during the day, it’s the light touches here and there, it’s saying, ‘I’m teaching the kids tonight, you go relax’ and yes sometimes, it’s running the bath, bringing out the candles, youtubeing slow jams etc. I guess what I am saying in essence is these men have to cater for their wives in a special way to elicit the bunny. Of course, I get that sometimes, even when I am tired, it has to be a ‘sacrifice’ for want of a better word but it doesn’t work for me alone to be doing all the sacrificing.

      So I think you need to work out your underlying cause and get to work regarding that. But it’s got to be the two of you felling that tree.

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:49 am

      Exactly!

    • Sassy

      August 9, 2014 at 8:14 am

      You are not alone in this Akwanwa, first, see your doctor and thrash out all medical issues there may be. Second, see a sex therapist. Third, go away for a weekend without the kids and pretend you just married.

      Amidst all these stages, never forget to keep praying and asking God to heal and restore your sexual urges. He is Jehovah Rapha after all.

  21. le coco

    August 5, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    its one thing for ur spouse to hav a fling with another person.. but i believe it is more painful for a spouse to cheat on u and fall inlove with the other person.. i was waiting for this weeks piece hoping to laugh but im grateful for this enlightened one.. isio meehn ur alwayz on point

  22. No wonder

    August 5, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Get up and move on if you are cheated on. Pray to God sincerely and tell him how you feel. The comforter will help you get through it. Cheating is not the worse thing that can happen to a marriage. If our mothers can go through it, then you can too. Ask women of olden days, they will tell you that a cheating husband is not the worse that can happen to a marriage. I know a friend whose husband does not cheat but he has the worst behaviour one can think of, Sometimes she says she would prefer he cheats but comes home to be a wonderful man than all his pettiness. Women of nowadays sef, all this me and my husband alone. If you had been open like Sarah in the bible (that is the woman we were told to emulate as Christians), you would not have difficulty sharing. From day one, be open to anything – for better for worse- that is what the vows say. Cheating is one of the for worse. Get over it!

    • CraftyHeart

      August 6, 2014 at 5:35 am

      Wow! Your mentality is exactly the opposite of mine and the life I want to lead. My mother never had to suffer through cheating or any behaviour that made her want to leave. Marriage requires work, yes, but cheating is a fundamental betrayal of trust. Your advice to ‘get over it’ is a recipe for a sad and unfulfilling marriage.

    • Sassy

      August 9, 2014 at 8:17 am

      People like you are the reason why most men think it’s their legal right to cheat. So sad.

  23. jcsgrl

    August 5, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Wow this is a powerful piece! I’m sitting here dissecting the philosopher’s view and my thoughts on cheating and been cheated on. My analysis is based on a committed relationship as in monogamy or marriage. I think maturity in marriage comes in being able to understand that we are imperfect beings who are capable of anything depending on the situation presented to us. However, these imperfect beings are working towards perfection in their union being better individuals and as a unit. Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice and giving up your rights to certain things in order to make it work. So in terms of cheating, everyone has their tolerance level to betrayal. It is possible to forgive, move on and build a healthy relationship after the ordeal. It takes two very mature people to do it. You have to be willing to address the root cause of the infidelity and be willing to take proactive measures not to repeat it. And to the one who’s been hurt, they have to be committed to forgiveness, healing and restoration. Its possible but not everyone can do it. I pray I don’t ever have to go through that sort of betrayal but you know what if it happens, I will pray and ask God for strength and wisdom on what to do: Whether to forgive and move on solo or together.

  24. bb

    August 5, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    I didn’t want to get married just because of cheating but am married now … l just decide not to trust him and love him less.; if he cheats cut him off spiritually and emotionally from him life goes on(expect anything to happen in life)

    • Evie

      August 16, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      Moose.

  25. Theunhappywife

    August 5, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    My husband started cheating on me during our dating years but didn’t get to know it till after our wedding, I was devastated when I found out but I forgave and moved on. Let’s just from then on it has been a streak of cheating, cheated with staffs, at work, church, neighbours, the list is endless and now I’m just miserable. My husband is not even rich, I’m the backbone of the family so you can imagine my misery. I’ve stopped loving him and about to sleep with a rich guy who has been pestering me for years. At least let me pay him back in his own coin then maybe I can move past this hurt.

    • Dora the explorer

      August 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Bumber!!! That will not make you any happier..

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 5, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      cosign with Dora the Explorer. You are very likely to experience even more misery if you do it. See, you don’t even sound like your heart is in it, you’re just talking about paying him back in his own coin. Let me tell you, if he felt no remorese before, he’s not going to feel it now that you’ve lain with another man. These men have a serious anomaly in their short-circuiting and very short memories: your husband sounds like someone who’ll use it against you in the end, heaping more pain on the shame you’ll probably be feeling after you’ve slept with that other man.

      Please just leave him and move on with your life – adultery is a very valid ground for divorce among Christians. One of the best quotes I ever gleaned from a BN comment was (and I’m not sure I remember it verbatim) you shouldn’t ever allow someone else’s bad behaviour cause you to change who you are. It had more impact when I read it in it’s original form but the essence is, please do not allow someone’s wrongdoing influence you to compromise on your own morals.

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Mz Socially Awkward, you always say the right words! I am a fan.

    • chi chi

      August 20, 2014 at 11:33 am

      This is pure truth. Don’t do it girl, you’ll bring yourself down to his level, and only multiply your problem.
      I suggest you quietly get a divorce or separation. Prayer and counselling will also help you rebuild your self-confidence and peace of mind. my opinion.

      jewelzmag.com

    • Ololajulo

      August 5, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      Love, you are not paying him back, you are coming down to his level and demeaning yourself. You want to pay him back? Cut him off financially and economically, cater only for yourself and children, he is a man, let him earn his keep and stop enabling him. Sit up girl.

    • tinkerbell

      August 17, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Don’t do it. not worth it. that other guy simply wants to use your body for sex, thats all. you will feel like shit and despise yourself more after it. be cool. just look to Jesus. he is the defender of the defenseless.

    • Nife

      September 2, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      Wow. I don’t think u suld do that. Am in an exact situation. And what I plan doing is to leave the marriage, because really I can’t slip soo low to cheat. I mean, we would just become the same nau. Its just so frustrating to give ur all and he does just nothing in return. At a point I felt like I was just nothing n no1. May God have mercy

  26. Emo

    August 5, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Been in a relationship for over 5 yrs. Got engaged and not long after, i traveled to another country, but continued our relationship it’s been over 2 yrs now. Met a guy, got close to him. shared everything with him. when i say everything i mean from problems with my fiancé to even menstrual crams. He now knows a lot about me and he was caring and was just the right shoulder to cry on.
    Believe it or not it was on dis same blog and i think one of Isio’s articles that i got to learn that what i was having was an emotional affair. But it had alrdy gone so far. i was deeply attached to dis guy that i did’t know how to move on. Things went a little physical (no sex though). But when i started to understand what i have gotten myself into, i was alrdy having deep feelings for him. But u see, i can’t be with him cos
    1. i am more than 4 yrs older than him.
    2. he doesn’t feel thesame way like not same intensity. yeah he enjoys my company and all and maybe likes some of my physical features but i knw he doesn’t really feel thesame way. Notice how am avoiding the word LOVE?? cos i don’t know what to make of it including wat i feel cos i am wondering if it is love or infatuation.
    3. My fiancé loves me to the ends of the earth and i know i love him too but u see this emotional affair has messed ma head up. right now i am just holding on to what i felt for my ma fiancé when ma head wasn’t messed up.
    Did i mention i had to confess everything to ma fiancé and he forgave me and kinda felt bad for not being here for me and all. Though it wasn’t his fault. I chose to go and cry on anoda guy’s shoulder. I have managed to put an end to everything wth de other guy and moved out to anoda town. right now i still have a very very soft spot for him but i know i will overcome this. Esp wen i reunite wth my fiancé, we r going to work hard on rebuilding and rekindling what we have.

    • fair & lovely

      August 5, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      Emo, trust me, what u feel is just infatuation and it will def pass very soon. It’s okay to feel the way you feel but what u shdnt do is act on that feeling. Been there and I know exactly how you feel. it”s a phase and it would pass soon, just give it time and indulge all you want. But pls do not break up wit ur bf, try all you can to make it work wit d bf. Cheers!

    • Emo

      August 5, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      Thanks very much fair & lovely glad to hear ur advice means i am on the right track. yeah cos i cldn’t just understd what was happening and for that reason i said ‘well i will just stick to what i use to know when ma head was not messed up’ thanks again

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 11:57 am

      awww. . . .may God help you rebuild your relationship.

  27. MyTwoPence (Jhennique)

    August 5, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    do you know the worst part???? people go into relationships and at the back of their minds are expecting their partner to cheat just cos of the experience you have had with other people. so u go snooping around, suspecting every little thing he does, just looking, looking, looking for something that isnt ther until it materialises. Do you realise how powerful you mind is????? do you realise that your mind attracts to you what u have fed it on? give ypourself and your partner a break, except they are chronic cheaters, then it is very possible to stay faithful. talk, connect and most of all pray together. it will all be fine. just be happy 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 5, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      Yep. Agree and wholeheartedly cosign.

  28. Scorned Woman

    August 5, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    My boy friend of 2 years has cheated so many times-Caught him three times now.But my revenge play along like a Mumu as if I still love him (I still love him but I can’t get past his cheating ways ), and dump him at the altar.That would be my revenge..I wish I could look the other way but I can’t .Cheating is a No No for me.

    • Igbeyinadun

      August 5, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      ah! wont you be wasting your time? abeg leave NOW, so you can find your own husband. God will deal with him for you.

    • Ololajulo

      August 5, 2014 at 9:13 pm

      Love, you will also disgrace your family, waste your money , lose your reputation, or you plan to stay single for life… He isn’t worth it,walk away…after keying his new car…

  29. oyaga

    August 5, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Same meat… GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Omotayor

    August 5, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    What do you want me to do when my fiance of 5 years who makes all the money in the world tells me he is not my Life Insurance when i suggest we invest in real estate (like we buy a house or 2).

    I dont make much money but i get just enough to be comfortable from him nothing more…I love him, and very attached to him but …

    • Ib

      August 5, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      Sweetheart I am sorry but he is not your life insurance. No man is! What is your instinct telling you? 5yrs engaged? There is more to life than marriage. For example, becoming the best woman God created you to be. You are worth way more than you think. What is that still small voice telling you. The truth shall set you free.

    • Igbeyinadun

      August 5, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      Wow that’s deep!!! I never advise people to leave their spouses but I can not imagine a life where I cant share finances with my partner. My husband and I dont make a lot either but he make about double of what I make and every investment he makes, he makes sure its both names on them. all i can say is BE KIAFULLL OOOO

    • Ololajulo

      August 5, 2014 at 9:11 pm

      A 5 year engagement! And the man is financially secure? What are you waiting for? Open your eyes please , font waste your time.

    • slice

      August 6, 2014 at 12:12 am

      tell the truth o. what were you saying when he said that. you guys had an argument and he said something. don’t say it like that’s what he always tells you

  31. me too...

    August 5, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    I’ve been married for 7 years and caught my husband cheating on me late last year. I actually bugged his car because I suspected him and then I heard it all….who knows for how long I’ve been a fool. and here’s a guy who checks my every move like a monitoring spirit! I’ve been unable to fully forget the episode even though he has begged and I’ve been praying about it. It’s just not easy. I get angry and irritated at the slightest thing. I can’t understand why the society assumes its ok for the man to cheat…. talk about double standard!

    • Iphie

      August 15, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Hey, how did you bug his car? I need tutorial ASAP.

    • cos I say so

      August 20, 2014 at 7:51 am

      Pls how did you bug the car? I need it o

  32. Flames

    August 5, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Dis is exactly wat I’ve been thinking of since last week. My bf of 4 yrs jst temporarily moved 2 anoda state and 1 of d tins I’ve been thinking of is if I’ll be able 2 4give him if he cheats on me. Tanks 4 d insight

  33. agirl

    August 5, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Hey Guys..i honestly need your advice, i am engaged to the best man on earth, and wen i say best,he is everytin a lady would ask for,hes hardworking, prayerful, has never cheated on me, but the problem is i am still in love with my ex who has cheated on me more than one time, i love my fiance but i am still in love with my ex.i dnt klnw if this is a spiritual or i am just a bad girl that doesn’t deserve my fiance..please feel free to insult or worst but i really need your advise.

    • I'mMeBaby!

      August 5, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      Awwww….sorry to hear that. It’s possible for that to happen so you’re not weird. I’ll recommend you listen to a lady called Terri Savelle Foy on YouTube. Listen a her talk on ‘Breaking Soul Ties’ and if you like it she also has a book called ‘Untangled’ that deals with the same thing.

      Don’t let go of your fiancé, you just need time and the right info to wean yourself off your ex.

      All the get hon, hopefully we’ll see your wedding pics on here soon. x

    • I'mMeBaby!

      August 5, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      *all the BEST

      the YouTube link is

      youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3F267FC31346E031

  34. Duke Mills

    August 5, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    @agirl, you see what I completely dislike about girls . What do you people want??? What is wrong with you?? Sometimes you women are the ones responsible for what men do to you.
    You just said you are engaged to a nice guy who doesn’t cheat on you but you’re still in love with a guy who cheated on you.
    Let me ask you;does that make sense??
    Don’t you think, this word love is seriously blown out of proportion? To me it is. Love is supposed to be where there’s happiness. The two go together. So if your boyfriend/husband beats you,chets on you et al, I am very sure you will not be happy. So ordinary love should be dying in such relationships. Because the fuel of love is happiness and if its absent the love fire will go off.
    When I see women who are in abusive relationship and still talk about love, I can’t help but be bemused.
    Love is not as Serious as we are making it sound.
    Stay with your fiance and banished that thought from your head and heart.
    Now talking about cheating; I think its a topic that most African men relate to. I have been with my friends when we hang out and they cheat on their gf/wife not because of lack of love for their partners but just for adventure.
    So girls be careful when you say your bf/husband has not cheated on you . Believe me if he does it,you will never know. I bet my fiance can say thesame for but of course you know the rest……..(lol)
    As a guy what I will advise girls is for them not to place so much thrust on your bf/husband so as not to be shattered. Whether you like it or not men are very smart and secretive.
    Sorry for the lengthy write up!

    • Intuition

      February 11, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      beg to differ dear. when a man cheats the first to know is the woman gf or wife. The difference is some womenn dont even know what it is and others choose to ignore the nagging thought that things are wrong. thats how we were created. intuition at work
      am talking from personal experience

  35. I'mMeBaby!

    August 5, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    @ Duke Mills…you have a lotta nerve I tell you. You should add your fiancée to the group of women you don’t know what they want cos if I was her I’d leave your cheating arse the moment I find out. I bet you’ll try to convince her it’s normal and she should stay with you. What then makes her any different from the women who stay in abusive relationships?

    Yes, no one should have to live trough abuse but your Mr Man do not qualify to give that advise. Spend some time working on yourself while we listen true men of character.

  36. Duke Mills

    August 5, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    @I’mMebaby! Why now? I didn’t say I am a cheat. I love my fiancee so much and I do everything to make her happy. So you can’t say she doesn’t know what she wants. Besides I am not a cheat. I just wrote something and you translated it to something. I was just using myself as a hypothesis. So please before you break my head nxt time, try and understand the point im trying to make.
    Ladies should stop bragging especially in front of their friends that their bf/husband doesn’t cheat. cuz u may never know.
    Hope now you catch my drift. Thanks.

    • I'mMeBaby!

      August 5, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      Apologies if I misconstrued your statement.

  37. Chica

    August 5, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    hmmm, i have been dating this amazing guy for a couple of years now but I have been cheating on him with a man i have known (and been sleeping with) for about 4 years now. i love my bf to bits but sex with the other guy is just too amazing. the other man is much older, interesting to talk to and gives me both relationship and career advice (lol). my older lover has seen me with my ex and my current bf and he just won’t let me go.

    i honestly don’t feel bad about the cheating, i just hope my bf never finds out because it would really hurt him. i really care about my bf and will go to the ends of the earth for him. i just don’t think that this slight indiscretion with one (constant) person, is really such a big deal. monogamy is a social construct forced down on us.

    • Jamce

      August 6, 2014 at 1:20 am

      Na wa o. “Monogamy is a social construct forced down our throat. Good justification for your nympho tendencies… If na man write this one, the ladies will draw daggers and guns and even scud missiles.

    • Chica

      August 6, 2014 at 10:05 am

      Nymphomania – a neurotic condition in women in which the symptoms are a compulsion to have sexual intercourse with as many men as possible and an inability to have lasting relationships with them

      Erm, how am i a nympho if i have sex with 2 men and not even that regularly? Really confused here

    • Igbeyinadun

      August 6, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      @jamce’s comment – She called you that maybe because you said “i love my bf to bits but sex with the other guy is just too amazing.”

    • magh

      August 7, 2014 at 2:28 am

      I do hope you slip!, he will find out the most random way after you thought you hid it so well. Please let that guy go so he can find someone else who will love him wholeheartedly!

    • Jamce

      August 7, 2014 at 8:07 am

      Since your justification for your cheating is that monogamy is only a social construct forced on you, it is also a good justification for your boyfriend or husband to love you and still have sex with other women. Chai dia ris God o.

    • Sassy

      August 9, 2014 at 8:31 am

      That is absolutely wrong and you need to break up with your boyfriend so he can find a faithful girl to love.

    • nicky

      August 11, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      you are so silly. you should be ashamed of yourself. anyways u might still be a kid, i suggest you grow up fast. sex isnt everything

    • Tosin

      October 16, 2015 at 7:48 am

      variety show 🙂
      i don’t lie tho, it’s not my style. i just announce that hey, i like you and i like him and i like the other. you have a right to variety, no?

  38. Just me

    August 5, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    Sweetheart, you are the reason we can’t find good men in this Country and we keep asking God why? You have everything but you love been cheated on chai! Should I say it’s the devil or you are just stupid? For the record my cousin is cheating on her husband claiming he is also cheating on her. chai daris God o! The VOWS they are breaking daris God oooo!

  39. esty

    August 5, 2014 at 8:56 pm

    Interesting write-up you’ve got there Isio, so insightful. I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on…by my first love actually. We had been together for almost 2 yrs when he confessed to me (or should I say, I coaxed it out of him). He loves me so much. He cried like a baby begging for my forgiveness and for me not to leave him. I forgave him and we moved on (or so I thought). In our 3rd year together, I began to realise just how detached I was from him and our relationship. Yes, I loved him, but I just had no connection with him. We used to be so close, I thought I’d marry this guy. smh. I eventually suggested we took a break…indefinitely. I’m yet to meet someone new and I’m not even excited. It’s been a little over 4 months since we separated and my friends are worried I may be alone forever if I don’t start dating asap. Lol! I’m 22 BTW.

    • Igbeyinadun

      August 6, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      22 pere? abeg take your time jare. dont let your friends rush you into anything!

    • MC

      August 7, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      just 22. single for 4 months. And your friends think you’ll be alone forever if you dont start dating asap.
      oh. oh. ohhhh

  40. Catie

    August 5, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    @agirl, its not spiritual and you are not a bad girl. Emotions are very strong and sometimes love does not die even though U have to move on. I was in ur shoes just before I got married. I was in love with my ex who cheated on me and was emotionally abusive and I loved my then fiancé, now husband. I was confused. However I ve been married for a year and a half and I don’t regret it. I am loving my husband more and more. I still ve a huge soft spot for my ex, but that’s all it will ever be. I believe that if I stayed with my ex , I would be very miserable. Do not dwell on your love for your ex and DO NOT let him know how U feel about him now. Shut the communication line between U and ur ex to the barest minimum. With time and attention free your fiancé, it will be relegated in your heart. If you know your love language, teach your fiancé. Continue to love your fiancé and tell him so too!

  41. Babe

    August 5, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    Somethings we read on social media just amuses me. I’m not a “Ruth” but I honestly dont know how I’d react if my man cheats on me.

  42. girls cheat too

    August 6, 2014 at 12:10 am

    i found out my girl friend is cheating on me . this is a girl i love so much, being faithful to and intend to engage this year . i forgave her but i’m really begining to think being faithful is not worth it , i never told my friends about it cus they will laugh at me for being so silly dating just one girl because according to them nigerian girls can never be trusted . Guess i learnt the hard way .

    • magh

      August 7, 2014 at 2:35 am

      hmmm.. nawa! bros idk what to tell you.. I’ve not been cheated on before so ask yourself. Have you forgiven her totally ? will you bring it up later ? will you continue to feel hurt ? do you feel like you need a break from your relationship ?
      sighhh

  43. Jamce

    August 6, 2014 at 1:33 am

    Am not righteous. But from the day you have sex outside marriage and not eventually get married to the same man or woman, you have sown the seed of “ADULTERY” waiting to be harvested. The word CHEATING makes light of the issues involved as sex has deep spiritual, emotional, psychological implications which the world makes light of in the name of civilisation and social liberty. Let’s think deeply about why cheating, adultery and all forms of sexual vices are so rampant. It’s because we have deviated from God’s word and discipline and of course, the world is now in vicious cycle of sexual indiscipline. Cheating and adultery will never go away until we all realise the wrong in sex outside marriage, repent and ask God to renew our minds. Shalom.

  44. cecilia

    August 6, 2014 at 2:46 am

    dont cheat take it to God in prayer and forget it there. He will heal the wounded heart and turn things around at His Time.

  45. Pelumi

    August 6, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Recently I got to knw dat mi bf has bein cheatin on mi for years, this a guy I placed mi lyf on. Am so confused couldnt trust him anymore dnt knw if I shuld jst 4give or let go…….cant jst stop tinkin abt it everyday

    • Sassy

      August 9, 2014 at 8:05 am

      Leave him and you will definitely meet a better guy. Just believe. One needs to have principles.

  46. Tincan

    August 6, 2014 at 9:36 am

    Chai, I’m so late to this party but Isio, I don’t think the advice the philosophers mail is giving is God’s answer to you at allllllll. We’re you being sarky? I don’t believe God wants us to go into marriage being ready to be cheated on? I have seen nothing in His word that indicates that. Also, the Adulterer should take care to ensure that the one being cheated upon doesn’t find out? Really? Where does confess your sins to one another come in? This sound like human wisdom to me, not Godly wisdom at allllllll.

  47. Grown Woman

    August 6, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Chaiii when you come and read BN you just get to know how people suffer from this rship,and women these days are really becoming worse…..i think its better to have high self esteem issues and maybe you won’t be in these miserable rships.Gods timing is always the best and will surely give you a better partner.One thing to remember is that,”Thank God for what you have and keep praying for what you desire’ 🙂 🙂

    • Ivy

      August 6, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      My exact thots. But i believe that no matter how high self-esteemed one is, it will still hurt when one finds out one has been cheated on. In every situation thank God.

  48. nkem

    August 17, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Am in a very depressing state of mind,I can’t seem to find my own man,i can’t seem to find someone who truly belongs to me..i have dated 3guys and through out the time I spent in the relationship I have never cheated on any of them..i fall in love with everything I have,i love my partner more than I love myself I guess that why I always get hurt in the end..my problem with my relationships is that all the 3 guys I have dated lied to me,that they are single,they make me fall deeply in love with them,,then later I get to find out the truth that am just a second fidel,a side chick who they never took serious..i get insults from the main girls in their life..this has happened to me three consecutive times with three different guys! Right now am single,,been single since my last break up which was in October 25 2013! I am beginning to think something is spiritually wrong with me,,i always walk away from my relationship shattered,heartbroken and emotionally de stabilised! Please is something wrong with me? Why can’t I seem to get a young single guy to love me and be mine alone? It’s so painful for me now,sometimes when I remember those feelings of being in love I just cry bitterly because I really want to fall in love again!

  49. it aint easy!

    August 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    Lovely write up Isio and wonderful comments,sometimes I think abt my life and I pray God makes it beta.hubby who is sooo rich has abandoned feeding expenses for me despite the fact that I make peanuts compared to himand will always say he does investments which my name doesn’t appear in any paperwork,d little I have to take care of myself I spend to take care of feeding and kids and he’ll say its for d future,sometimes I think I’m being irrational. Cos he doesn’t cheat but I get afraid sometimes…its good to help hubby sometimes but how far is too far…isio when will u write on what women should contribute in marriages..I don tire!

  50. Amaka

    August 19, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Jamce, thank you for that comment. When we deviate from Gods plans we converge with the devils’!

  51. Msblossom

    August 19, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Isio always r…….
    Ok i came when the party is over, So my case is that of the Ex, who wants me back , and with the present bobo who i’m trying hard to rebuild the love he had for me (yea i destroyed it by saying i didnt want the relationship again) . dude still stayed but later i found out that he started texting some chick, said i broke his heart when i said i didn’t want the relationship anymore..
    Some experiences shared on here makes me weep in my heart . Really women are at the recieving end. but how long is too long to tolerate a cheating hubby/bf ? Is walking away a guarantee that the next man won’t cheat? Most times i have come to the conclusion that being single is the best, no man trouble, no heart break or suspcion , just you yourself and and maybe you family (father mother & siblings), because honestly there is no guarantee in any relationship both marriage and courtship or dating whatever we call it. Cheating will always be cheating in whatever context we assume it , be it with a person, finances, emotions, self etc cheating is vague in my own opinion. Having noticed that i used to be happy & in control when i’m single , but immediately i give one dude a chance, after a while i loose control of myself, issues of trust, cheating, anxiety etc…IT NEVER ELUDES US…God bless those that don’t experience any.
    .
    Relationship is not rocket science its either we get ready to tolerate all the bull shit that comes with it or decide to remain single as a woman ,but society has a hand book for every woman , Get education , maybe get a job it doesnt matter if its high paying or low, just get married is seen as the ultimate by society, then have kids, cook for your hubby, have more kids if u can carter to them, then cook more for him, look sexy, be a super mum, don’t nag, give him guy time, ignore him if he cheats, bla bla bla…..

    P.S …The basic thing is to be mostly inlove with Oneself and be open minded regardless & Having a man shouldn’t be measured as a yard stick for a woman’s sucess , achievemnts or fulfilments in life, …THERE IS MORE

    ENJOY THE EPISTLE I WROTE…HEHEHEHHE

  52. Ezinne

    July 6, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    where is our Isio?????

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features

css.php