Relationships 101 by Halima Abubakar.
The Nollywood actress in an interview with Encomium Weekly chats about her upcoming movie, her record label, relationships and her age.
On relationships, she tells us why she isn’t exactly in a hurry to tie the knot, and why lack of trust and lies by men brings about break-ups.
On settling down: “Will I ask a man to marry me? Is it not when you see the man that you want to settle down with that you can decide to marry? You can’t just settle down with anybody because you need to marry.
I don’t want to go into marriage and rush out of it. There is a lot of mistrust and we also have so many irresponsible men so to speak. There are lots and lots of liars among men out there. And if they meet a girl that really loves them, they won’t know because they are used to lying.
So, they think any they meet is also a liar like them. Or if you omit one magnificent information about yourself, if they now get to know later in a negative way from another person, it’s another mistrust .
The day you even say the truth and nothing but absolute truth, they won’t believe you omitted something before it came out, and it’s not like it’s a dangerous thing. But just because you forgot to include the information when you’re chatting with them, it will now become a big problem.
A sort of mistrust will develop from there. And when a man is monitoring you, definitely, there is no trust in that relationship, and nobody will want to be in a marriage where there is no trust.
The relationship would just work only when the partners trust each other. We just pray we meet the right person. I mean, all of us who are yet to marry.You may meet someone you so much love and he is not convinced you love because you are actress.
And now, because you are an actress you are not responsible. And I keep saying, does it mean because you are, you aren’t responsible? Or you think every girl on the street will behave the same way like the other person? I don’t know.
There are so much hypocrites in relationships. There are too many people that like to give fake information. And it’s unfortunate that some of us have seen people who tried as much as they could to ruin other people’s relationships.
But the truth is when a man loves you, he loves you. A man who is ready to quit because of one rumour or the other is never in love with you.
So you can’t force love. How long can you do that? I mean , especially if you are a loyal woman because I know a lot of women who are responsible , who are faithful to their partners, they are faithful and I keep saying is it because you are not faithful? Is it because you as a man is a liar? I just think you don’t suspect somebody to be unfaithful if you’re not.
That’s not life.”
On if it has been difficult finding the right man: “Really, I have not been in too many relationships, that’s one. Number two, even if I say that, a lot of people will click on that and it’s a lie. And I am a loyal person. I don’t like somebody who pretends to be what he’s not. I am not in a hurry the way people are in a hurry on my behalf.
That’s because at the end of the day, I am the one that will live with the man not them. And I wouldn’t want to cry to sleep. I wouldn’t want a man who will make me cry every day, instead of making me happy. Left to me, I will do everything to make him happy but is he really going to reciprocate that?
It has to be a balanced relationship but there is nothing like that.”
On if she is hoping for a responsible man: “I am not hoping. It’s going to happen when it will happen. I am not searching for a husband. So don’t quote me on that, I am just going to tell you and as usual I don’t talk about any relationship. I am just giving you a general insight of what life is about.”
On her trip to the US: “I was ill and was admitted in the hospital. But my super mentor just advised me that I needed a rest and I should go and rest. And that’s exactly what I went to do. But before I knew as usual, bloggers had posted stories about my trip abroad.
On if she went there to meet a man: “For what? When you have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend. It should be the guy and no one else. Let’s assume a boyfriend gives you the money to travel abroad, you will now go and meet another there. That makes no sense.
I am not in support of things like that because I know that God is watching. And a day will come that I pay heavily for that silly mistake. Not that I am saying that I am perfect, I have many flaws but I am a human being, I can’t be perfect.
But I am not in support of promiscuity. “
On criticism about her real age: “I don’t know why Nigerians like age so much. Whatever age you give them they will still doubt you. What I know is that I started acting at 13. I was in secondary school. There was picture I instagrammed. I don’t hide anything concerning my page on Instagram.
I have only one Instagram account which is Halima. Any other handle is not mine. So anything I do, I make it public.
I instagrammed two pictures of when I was 13 and 17, you were 24 here and so on. Some people said which 17, you were 24 here and so on. You know how people behave when it comes to age issue, people will start poke-nosing, saying a lot of things.
Now, I have decided not to declare any age again. If they like like them say I am young.”
To read the full interview, pick up the new issue of Encomium Weekly.