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Peculiar Okafor: The Real Woman



Not too tall,
Someone with curves,

She waits for you to talk to her first
She talks to you first to show she’s daring

She doesn’t visit you all the time so she doesn’t lose her respect
She visits whenever she wants because she’s so sure of herself, she doesn’t fear losing her respect.

She’s never argues cos she’s well behaved
She argues cos she’s not afraid to bear her mind

She’s tall, short, slim, fat, sexy, conservative, demure, talkaltive

Are you confused? If you are, it’s a good thing because that was my intention. Ask any group of people who a real woman is and you would get various answers from the reasonable to the downright outlandish and unrealistic – depending on the age, group, interviewer and interviewee.

As women, we are constantly bombarded with advice on how a woman should and shouldn’t behave especially in relation to finding a man. ‘Sit like a woman’, ‘Don’t talk, you’re a lady’ and most of these advice are indeed useful so young ladies learn to comport themselves. The challenge is when we try too hard to define a real woman as if there is a one-size fits all definition. It’s like trying to have a one-size fits all definition for a Car or a Shoe as different designs were made to suit different tastes and desires.

It’s funny to hear men talk about their perfect woman like they had a software to create that woman; they expect us to be tall but not too tall, not fat but not too skinny. You know a real woman, someone who cooks, graduated best in her class, never complains about his friends is a perfect cook and a power dresser even though they may not be enthusiastic to reach deep into their pockets to make the latter possible. It becomes more annoying when they try to pit the females against each other (Yes, I said it, a lot of guys do it, You know when they come and tell you, you’re different! You’re not like the other girls and then leave you for the ‘other girls’ later).

It’s no longer funny when the media, as well as advertising and marketing communications personnel latch onto this propaganda to sell their products or propagate and idea – still with the aim to sell their products. I’m talking about campaigns like the plus size clothes for the real woman’ (so, slim women like me are supposed to tick male in the gender boxes the next time we have to fill a form abi?). The slim women respond by having a lot of their kind on the covers of countless magazines.

Celebrities are not left out with most of them aligning with one of the various teams around; even our mothers discuss whether the working women are better than the ones who have opted to stay home and raise our kids. Single girls argue about whether a real woman would stand by her cheating boyfriend and jump for joy when he proposes because she ‘won in the end’, or break up with him and stand the risk of being an old maid since all ‘men are dogs’. What about whether we should be independent women not asking our boyfriends for anything or have them foot our every bill after all it’s a woman’s God given right to be spent on.

Whenever I hear people comment on young girls and women having low self esteem, I’m tempted to laugh out loud and say ‘It’s a miracle they have any esteem at all because the scrutiny, advice and comparisons can leave someone confused abeg‘.

I will conclude this by saying the real woman is:

Tall, slim and shaped liked a model
Short and petite
Normal shaped
Hour glass, Pear Shaped, Triangular and Boyish
She is quiet, talkative, talks moderately
She is composed and calm, talkative and bubbly. She is  warm and friendly
She is a party goer, an indoor girl and somewhere in between
She is a career woman, someone who would rather keep home and someone to do both
She will stand by a cheating partner or leave because she wouldn’t have that nonsense
She is tough and will weary you with her arguments and she hates to argue at all
She will spend lots of money on make up and she’d rather go natural
She loves the tortures of her braids & weaves and would rather battle with her natural hair.

She is me, she is you, she is every woman in the world and she is beautiful.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Warrengoldswain

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. Lara

    August 15, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Silly girl “To show off a little, I was the Miss UNN in my time and Finalist Miss University Nigeria ” you got me smiling there, nice write up tho.

  2. Shallom

    August 15, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Beautiful! I agee 🙂

  3. obi-talk

    August 15, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Well done, great read!

  4. Nahum

    August 15, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    So plus size women are not real women? Are they freaks of nature?

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      @Nahum..that’s not what she is saying tho…ultimately, she concludes by mentioning that real women include plus size women too

  5. [email protected]

    August 15, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    Awwwww…..yeah we are all real women.
    Thanks Perculia

  6. @edDREAMZ

    August 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Making sense post no doubt…..

  7. Wale

    August 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    What a perculiar name, perculiar.
    I just couldn’t resist.

    • Cheeky

      August 15, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      Not her name, not the correct word either! 🙂

  8. TomatoJos

    August 15, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Great Read. . Nahum she didn’t say that, its just that the advertisers portray curvy women as real women. I have even seen memes like “real men eat meat, bones are for dogs’ which is all kinds of stupid really.. All the writer is saying is that every female is a real woman in her own way, and should not let people talk her into believing otherwise.

  9. chinwe

    August 15, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    love this article, this our society sha is so damn demanding! i also don’t think that there is anything like a real woman. However, there are certain things expected or sensible (if those are the right words) of a woman- don’t talk much yknow like run your mouth, but listen more, learn how to cook if you don’t know, have average weight (for health sake) .,
    Do not sleep around ( for the sake of God oo! no one else). well…..

  10. ug

    August 15, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Well put together

  11. X-factor

    August 15, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    The Paradox of the insatiable masculine appetite

  12. Well make the gurls say yess..n get ma niggaz more confuse!

  13. Well make them gurls say yess..n get ma niggaz more confuse!

  14. Mo

    August 15, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    That was a beautiful piece…. Fits in perfectly with the phase of life I am in. PS: every woman needs to validate herself on a minute by minute basis….. Self validation is a major key in maintaining a healthy self esteem… A woman who knows and validates herself will not be perturbed by all the pressure from society, the media and even the boyfriends/fiances/husbands..

  15. TANTRA

    August 15, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    I think most men fantasize about the ideal woman, not the real woman. The real woman is who they see everywhere. The ideal woman is who they are searching for.

  16. Peculiar Okafor

    August 15, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Dear Tantra,

    The ‘ideal’ is what we hope for, real is what we have. I must say that if we appreciate the beauty in everyone, then we can be content with all our relationships and release the people in our circle to excel. .Please note that I said excel cos I believe that there are excellent people but to say there is a definition for ideal….. I beg to differ ( Did I just say please note?, sounds like an official e-mail but oh well…)

    Dunno if you ever did sciences in Secondary school but under the gas laws, there are ideal laws and there are real laws. so you see my dear, even the sciences know that it’s okay to dream, but at a point, you have to wake up and live life as it is.


  17. Simsi

    August 15, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    This is a beautiful piece. I could relate to it

  18. Cheeky

    August 15, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    Nicely written! Thank you.

  19. lara

    August 15, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    It’s so difficult to be a woman at times

  20. BA

    August 15, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    You rock, Peculiar. Great piece.

  21. beautifulonyinye

    August 16, 2014 at 1:59 am

    Great piece.Keep it up girl.Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

  22. Koffie

    August 16, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    This write up was well thought out and it was about time someone wrote on this. I agree with the part where the writer said the media, society et al try to pitch women against women. Rather than just appreciate who we are, we hear women buying into dumb memes like “bones are for dogs, real men eat meat”. That one cracks me up really. We dont have to bring the next person down to feel good about ourselves. Self love is key and no I’m not talking about rabbits… We are all beautiful in our own way whether pear shaped, apple shaped, hour glass, size 0, tall, short, thick, chubby, skinny and the whole works.

  23. aloveeet

    October 20, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Amazing how the media is used to control us like puppets these days,all playing to the advantage of the male folk. A real woman is passionate about herself first,not trying to bend,break,nip and tuck just to conform to what society says she should be..

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