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Mz Chizzy: Ashamed Alert! Is Le Boo Ashamed Of You?

MzChizzy

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Love is indeed a beautiful thing, especially when le boo loves all of you, and not just some pretty sexy part of le anatomy. Last I checked too, love is patient, kind…not irritable. Love never fails. And so when my good friend Nkechi told me she was going to end her relationship with her boyfriend of 6 months because she wasn’t proud of him, I wondered if she was in ever in love with him in the first place. How on earth can you be ashamed of someone you claim to love? What part of Bruno Mars’ ‘Just The Way You Are’ do you not understand?
I’m never comfortable walking with him on the street…I don’t want anyone knowing he is my boyfriend, biko…his English sucks. Is Idris Elba not somebody’s boyfriend nii, does his babe have two heads?” blurted Nkechi.

My friend’s honest appraisal of her guy got me thinking about other persons who are possibly in her shoes – people who are in relationships but are supremely ashamed of their partners. So I thought of several reasons why a person could be ashamed of his/her dearest. Thanks to Nkechi, top on my list was poor vocabulary, then your partner’s physique (slim & short, boobs the size of pebbles, large nose, small head, big eyes, stretch marks, senior chikito tummy, *insert more here*)

I asked a few more friends and the list grew to include poor hygiene, inability to express oneself in public and poor dress sense. While trying to wrap my head around some of these reasons, another exclaimed, “Nigerian Police!..I will be mighty ashamed of my boo if he was an ordinary corporal.”
I must confess, a couple of these reasons are valid, so I made further inquiries. How on earth will I know if my partner is ashamed of me? Nkechi was generous enough to give me 8 ‘Ashamed Alerts’ and she mentioned the list is non-exhaustive.
Here you go:
• He walks ahead of you on the road or worst still never sees you off anytime you go visiting.
• He rarely introduces you as his partner or mentions you’re just a friend
• He refuses to change his relationship status on Facebook
• He hardly uses your picture as his DP
• He’s always keeping dates low key; prefers hanging out with you at home or locations where he will unlikely bump into mutual friends
• No PDA.
• He refuses to let you meet his family. He fears that you will not meet their expectations and that they will disapprove of you
• He disrespects you around strangers and doesn’t care if you leave angrily
Now here’s what I think:
When you love someone, you should love all of that person – including his/her flaws. When you find that wonderful man/woman, the last thing you want to do is break up over superficial or self-centered, irrational reasons like the size of his nose.

If you are the ashamee – the one at the receiving end, do not stay with someone who would make hurtful comments about something you totally have no control over. Get rid of the loser like the scum they are and get your groove on. The person who will appreciate everything about you will surface sooner than you think.
If you are the ashamer- the one who is ashamed of another, it is not a crime to be single. How do you desperately date someone who you do not want to be seen in public with…some who repulses you? How do you guys even do these things? But again what do I know?… if people can be ashamed of their parents and siblings, why not a boy/girlfriend, right?

Better be single than date someone you are ashamed of…it isn’t exactly rocket science.
What do you guys think? Have you ever been in a situation where you were ashamed of your boo? How did that affect your relationship? Pray, tell!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Wavebreakmedia Ltd

MzChizzy is the writer behind bottleforthepain.wordpress.com. She thinks for a living. She can simultaneously be the nicest and meanest person you’d ever meet. She loves fufu more than life itself and hates taking pictures with a passion. Follow her on twitter @Mzz_Chizzy ‘cos you won’t find her on Instagram.

189 Comments

  1. Grace E

    August 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    lmao @ “if you are the ashamee”..This article has me laughing out loud literally I can’t even think anything to comment..

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 7:31 am

      glad you enjoyed it! *sister sister hug*

  2. nene

    August 15, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    lmao. i can’t even be attracted to someone who i might be ashamed of. i like tall, rich, well spoken (no phonetics), well travelled, and handsome men, anyone who doesn’t fit in cannot be my boyfriend or husband, i’d rather remain single. i guess people who are ashamed are in the relationship for other reasons (good sex, money, wealth,etc) , and definitely not love. “slim and short”, does his apply to women or men? it’s good that “Nkechi” broke up with her boyfriend, it was noble and kind of her. some men would make their girlfriends/wives feeling insecure because they are ashamed of them, yet they’ll stay in those relationships while the woman suffered emotionally.

    • nene

      August 15, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      lmao. i can’t even be attracted to someone who i might be ashamed of. i like tall, rich, well spoken (no phonetics), well travelled, and handsome men, anyone who doesn’t fit in cannot be my boyfriend or husband, i’d rather remain single. i guess people who are ashamed are in the relationship for other reasons (good sex, money, wealth,etc) , and definitely not love. “slim and short”, does his apply to women or men? it’s good that “Nkechi” broke up with her boyfriend, it was noble and kind of her. some men would make their girlfriends/wives feel insecure because they are ashamed of them, yet they’ll stay in those relationships while the woman suffers emotionally.

    • bruno

      August 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      I can tell,you are very ugly, its the ugly ones that want it all. Sorry for you. Lol

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      @nene I like that..very honest about what u want in a man..ain’t nothing wrong with having some expectations

    • maria

      August 15, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Aunty nene so you will love a man who is tall, rich and well spoken, you just contradicted yourself because you are going into a relationship for those stated reasons not for love

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      u ppl should leave Nene alone…she is stating what some of y’all are low key desiring in your hearts…

    • Nach

      August 15, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      @maria, people have the right to their expectations. When you find what you want trust me you’ll defiantly love it, so pls give nene a break.

    • el patron

      August 15, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      Well done! May God lead him your way! You say what you want! But you should know how to get it too..Don’t be that 40y.o woman still praying to God for mr right, when you sent mr right away because he’s not as tall as you want.

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 7:28 am

      Hi dear! Errrrm…slim and short applies to men…at least that’s what I gleaned from a few friends before writing the piece. One babe actually said “I can’t date a slim and short dude, what is he? My kid brother?” LOL…Glad you enjoyed the piece!

    • profeazy

      August 16, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Come on! Every one loves tall handsome well spoken guys. Someone has to love the others. I guess it’s not you. But when one loves, you love despite the flaws.

  3. There’s nothing they have’nt said bou love..buh just like the bringbackunagurls campaign..nothing is changed infact from woh I see..relationship is harder to keep this days n the matter dey worst errday!

  4. Foo fighters

    August 15, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Ok so I broke up with an ex because he had one of those “I’m never going to age” appearance I mean really cute baby face looks. I’m on the other hand has a tendency to be big if I don’t watch it and I look my age. Everything in the relationship was perfect : friendship, spiritual compatibility and all.
    I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was dating someone that looked like my younger brother! So I broke it off. Till date the guy doesn’t know the re all reason why I ended it. I’m just too ashamed to say.

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 3:50 pm

      awe @foo fighters….I found your comment rather adorable…lol..but if u have the tendency to be big that’s ok…nothing wrong with looking your age either..maybe that cuda motivated u to keep working on yourself to make sure u look like what u want and be confident about it and being with your man…I’m just saying 🙂

    • magh

      August 15, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      I don’t know if this counts but when I was with my ex.. I used to beg him to keep his beards.. He is a lanky man and I’m on the chubby side.. size 8-10.. When he shaves.. he looks like a child.. and I hated it coz it made me look way older than him and we are age mate.. so the beards had to stay!..trimmed but never shaved completely.. I never told him the full reason though.. Just said you look really good with your beards and older.. he liked that lol

    • So everything was perfect & u ended it? Remind me again how much u spent on ur rabbit 😉

  5. O g o

    August 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    If you are not proud to be a friend,why did you start it at first?

  6. nnenna

    August 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    lol at ashamee, google should add that to the dictionary. hmmm, this got me thinking , could this be the reason y he………?

  7. Bewa

    August 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    This article is spot on! lol at ashamee and ashamer! killed me right there. However, while i think its just plain stupid for someone to be with a person he/she isn’t proud of, maybe that person just doesn’t know how to end it without any feelings hurt

  8. lonely girl

    August 15, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    yeah once met this guy through a group chat. we became BB friends and i liked the fact that we talk alot. Till I met him.. tall and lanky i got turned off. I cautioned myself and “managed” him at least he is faithful but my i was not proud of that guy. i”d rather meet him at home and only used his pics once. The dude was eager for marriage but hard as I tried i wasnt comfortable around him. Well the opportunity to run came when I found out he lied about his education and then he mentioned some fetish things done in their village.. I ran and never looked back. His friends thought I was mean but they didnt know I was salvaging our future. I miss his care cos that guy showered me with that and also money but their are more things I value than that. Hey am not slim and all that but I believe love is accepting one for whom they are not thinking of changing them or managing them.

  9. Gorgeous

    August 15, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    LMAO!!! I feel you jare. My own bobo, his shakara is too much oooo. He is fine, over 6’2 and oozes sex. I dont even know how to explain it, But i think he just has this natural sexiness about him. Maybe his stature and the way he talks. One thing though is that the guy can do PDA even in front of his parents with me, and i love him for that. He is a big contradiction because he is also a decent man, but just naturally very sexy. Older women especially no gree am see road. People’s grandmother’s for that matter o. So, it makes me want to hide him sef, i dont like walking with him too much. I have always dated men i overshine, yet this one can wear shorts and shirt with slippers and manage to get all the attention. I don tire for the attention he gets. mtscheew!!!

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      hahaha @gorgeous u killed me…eii u don’t love that? I would be so proud of myself if my man was turning heads like that yet stayed faithful…gosh I’d sleep so well at night…lol

  10. Bewa

    August 15, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    forgot to add that back in uni, i was with a guy that i was really ashamed of. went out with him so i could get back at another guy. what a lame thing to do!The worst part was that the whole school knew we were a couple. i hated going out to see him, and would just wait till it was really dark. even kissing him was a nightmare. i was young sha, but thinking about it now, it was such a really stupid thing. when i tried to end the whole thing, his sister called me and warned me not to even try it because it would kill him. i hope they don’t read this sha!

  11. Modella

    August 15, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Refreshing topic BN..hahahah..it part of human nature..I’ve a cousin who make so much noise,like no one is up to her foot..whom did she end up with? A short scrawing looking man who isn’t even wealthy nor educated..But thank God she was quick to admit before we met the man during the wedding..to each his own..But pls be humble!

  12. Tolu

    August 15, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Thanks for this write up cos I am infact in this situation right now.. My boyfriend is perfect oooo in everything infact he is a dream. But even though he is ok gramatically, I gringe at sometimes when he speaks. So gramatically he is 60% . Then he has tribal marks on his face which are not that visible but I do think about it sometimes. But I have decided that in a world where everyone cannot marry brad Pitt, I will make him my brad Pitt. He is quite handsome by the way! …so I have chosen to die diere ! Oh yes! Because all these perfect men are loaded with wahala and I am not ready to throwaway this one for someone else to cat unit! So me I am ready! He has a teachable spirit so it’s fine with me

    • Ololajulo

      August 15, 2014 at 4:54 pm

      Good on you..smart

    • Trina

      August 15, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      If you “gringe”…maybe you 2 are made for each other.

      It’s “cringe” sweetie. In any case, I like your resolve to stick with him for all the right reasons.

    • Plush

      August 15, 2014 at 9:52 pm

      Ah! Wicked somborri you are 🙂

    • chichi

      August 16, 2014 at 3:00 am

      lmao @trina. Mehn, you have no clue what you just did to me…*crying*

    • Fite

      August 17, 2014 at 6:33 am

      Oh Lord hv mercy!!!!! Its a sunday morning oooo lol

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      August 18, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
      I laughed so hard!!!
      U are such an observer… most prolly a typo on her part…. hehehe

    • Lady S

      August 26, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      You can get him tutors. Check out t3ea.com. All the best!

  13. TANTRA

    August 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    If I am ashamed of you, I will call it quits because I wouldn’t want you to be ashamed of me and yet stuck with me. I once dated a man. I was ashamed of his 1980 Camry driven in 2012. Whenever I see him in the car, I tell him that I will prefer we take a taxi. How could he be driving a car that Toyota used to practise car manufacturing? That was not my idea of vintage. I also met another guy. I didn’t like the genetic deformation of his teeth, so I ran as fast I could. Woe betide me if such teeth bite me. He would be getting definitely more than a pound of flesh.

    • Grace E

      August 15, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      LMAAAOOOOOO Tantra don’t kill me I beg… *sigh* God help me I don’t get fired from this office ‘cos of BNaijerians

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 6:59 am

      LOL! Good Lord! LMAO!

    • Fite

      August 17, 2014 at 6:38 am

      Oh no u didn’t!!!! Wetin them feed una for this article ooo
      Mizchizzy u r responsible for this!

  14. Lokengoc

    August 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    Hey guys!.. its one thing to be ashamed of your bf/gf and its another to agree with ur bf/gf to pretend like u’re not his real babe/guy till u get to a certain age… try to understand this short story…. buh if that nigga aint treating u right please dump his stupid ass! and move on!!! 😀

  15. Bewa

    August 15, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Tantra … please this your comment is too funny. you just made me choke on my pap and beans nau

  16. Damsel says

    August 15, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    For me, I have not started d relationship. Met this guy through a mutual frnd and we chat and talk alot on phone until I requested for his recent picture and gosh I was put off. Considering the fact that am a sucker for cute guys, this guy is far from it. He shows me care but wat I want shld also matter and trust me, this guy is not it. He wants marriage which even makes it worse as we are both of age ( am in my early 30’s and him his late 30’s). Still looking for a way to even end d friendship now

  17. you

    August 15, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    nice article

  18. Bukx

    August 15, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    please what is PDA???

    • Stephanie-Feld

      August 15, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Public Display of Affection

    • Joan85

      August 15, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      Public Display of Affection…:)

  19. benita

    August 15, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    lol very funny and interesting comments anyway. as for me before i fall in love or date u i must understand and be proud of u…i dont think is right to be ashamed of ur partner…

  20. maria

    August 15, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Any one who dates a person then break up with then cos they are ashamed of something physical about them is a douchbag didn’t you see it before you said yes or didn’t he speak when he asked you out that you didn’t hear the way he talks rubbish.

    1
  21. Dee

    August 15, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Facebook ke? In this day and age.

  22. ade......

    August 15, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    I am living example of the “ashamee” during my first year in uni back in Nigeria i met this guy and after much wooing i agreed to date him seeing that all my freinds had boyfreinds in there first year. Things went well the first 3months until Mr ROT (nickname) started to point out to me how flat chested and skinny i was, how ugly i looked just because i refused to use “sleekpowder” as i chose my pearson baby powder over them, how i was a money miss road just because even when all my clothes were bought from stores like zara et all they wont sit well cos i was a size zero and lots that i cant put into writing. As a result i couldnt leave him because even though he cheated and squandered my money i could not leave because i felt no other man would love me and i stayed put in that relationship for 3years and he left without breakig up he just left. He killed my self esteem and i vowed never to date or marry in my life. Fastforward 3years ago having moved to England, i was out shopping when my freind and i started posing and taking pics of eachother when this man walked up to us and gave me his card asking me to pop in to his office that he his a photographer and he would like me to work for him. Even though we were confused my freind persuaded we go which wasnt until after 5months. Long story cut short Mr Kyle owns a modelling agency and i have modelled for 5 stores including Boohoo, my University and so on.
    As you would expect Mr ROT now wants me back and wont stop stalking*tongueout*
    Why this long epistle you may ask, to every ashamee out there leave thay bastard alone and he would come back crwaling… you dont need a man to define you. God loves you and that is the most important . God bless us all.

    • Ololajulo

      August 15, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      Glam!

    • CrystalWhite

      August 15, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      God bless you…this comment made my day.

    • Thatgidigirl

      August 15, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      Amen sister!

    • nene

      August 15, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      exactly what i was saying. the men will make the women feel insecure over time. thank God you moved on.

    • MsBlossom

      August 15, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Good relief to the “ashamee”, Someone who appreciates them is out somewhere , and for the “ashamee” who isn’t even perfect. they en up making wrong choices cos they chase shadows rather than substance…. My Ex is on my case now for several months (wants me back), and the present bobo is acting strong man for me. If it aint working no need forcing. Appreciate self first.

      Its never a crime to be single and happy.

    • MsBlossom

      August 15, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      *Ashamer”

    • oj

      August 15, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      best comment here. almost same experience, d guy was comparing me to my more beautiful and better dressed friends and eventually broke up with me over the phone. took me a long time to get my self esteem back.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 15, 2014 at 11:06 pm

      Your story is the great comeback every “ashamee” dreams of. 🙂

      And the douchebag wasn’t even scared to show his face again after he went MIA all those years ago? What a total idiot.

    • Ibukun

      August 23, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      As in, Total idiot! the nerve!

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 6:58 am

      Hi5 dear! So so proud of ya! And hey! Do not go back to the douchebag biko…you deserve way better! my 2cents

    • KDK

      August 18, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Amen Sister!

  23. Blessed

    August 15, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Hehehhe. this is serious sontin ooo. there is always a scenario that i have played in my head over the years and it has guided my emotions and love.
    i am a tall lady and i love heels so dating a short man is not an option for me, i tell you. shame go catch me taya and i no dey for that kain life. so this is the scenario,
    i just imagine jamming my friends in a mall thats so busy with my le boo and i go over to say hello and i want to introduce my man to them and at that point….. then because of the crowd( and hin height) i go kon begin find am, dey check under table, inbetween pple leg.. hehhehhhehe. my dear, from where i dey think the matter for inside my head, i dey shout God forbid from my mouth. i know its silly but mehn, i no fit and thats why i dont have very very close short guys as friends, i no fit put story cuz i love my friends too much to want to hurt them. its well ooo.
    the thing now be say short girls want tall guys and most tall girls want tall guys so demand is VERY high but supply e too LOW. May God help us oo.

    • Simsi

      August 15, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Loool. Imagine you looking for your boo in between people’s legs. I agree with the demand being high in comparism to the supply. I’m one of the short ones and I can’t imagine myself dating or marrying a short guy. My children will now look like dwarfs. Rara o. Mi o fe. I’m already telling God what I want now. And he’s being sending sexy tall guys. Thank you Lord!

    • Hannah

      August 24, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      “Blessed”u got me laughing dear. U are right o. I’m a tall lady too and it wont be dat good if my man is short. My friends go laf me die. Its really not about dem, but about myself. Thank God my man is tall.. Height counts o

  24. oge

    August 15, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    every beauty needs a beast. imagine if we were all perfect. i’m dating an amazing guy who rocks my world and makes me sooooo happy. he’s not the ideal man but he’s got great attributes. i wont say i’m ashamed of him cause he’s changing tremendously compared to how he was when we first met n started dating. i would jest at him for being a short man and he responds with that’s why i have u my tall woman. he’s not so well spoken but greatly intelligent n smart, n he’s getting better. the ex-was a hunk, well spoken,handsome n all but there was no PDA,no outings(always at home), always walked away n left me in his trail when we were fortunate to go out. in two years of being together we never went to see a movie at d cinemas.(no joke) reading through this article just cleared alot of things for me and i’m glad i took that walk. i kuku be fine geh oo, darkskinned,with a bum that turns head, so i wondered wat the ish was. but im in a better place now n couldnt b more happier. as long as whoever u r with is ready to make changes n takes constructive criticism, then trust me u can make that guy/babe your own idris elba or queen bey.
    my two cents thots.

  25. yemisi

    August 15, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    @tantra you are soooooo funnny i have been laughing in front of my computer since

  26. Unsocial butterfly

    August 15, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Lool, one of the many reasons i dont do hook-ups. I cant afford to be disappointed with the image of who i have in my head. I dated someone who didnt speak very well and i cringed everytime he opened his mouth. Dear friends, it is a horrid place to be in. I cant date someone that i am nt proud of, from the toasting days the answer will be no. Turn offs are reallllly skinny guys, home girl is a 5.6 size 14, dont wanna look like no dude’s mama, B.O and M.O etc.
    Father look upon me with mercy as you wake my Adam from his slumber, i want to be pleasantly surprised).
    Meanwhile, Nene and Tantra’s comments totally slayed.

    • nene

      August 15, 2014 at 5:09 pm

      thanks sis

  27. sisi jules

    August 15, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    lol at all the comments………… Av also dated a guy i was ashamed of and dat was this yr, the reason i dated him was bcos i was dyin single(am not ugly, dont get me wrong.. check me on IG @sisi_jules) and i wanted a boyfrnd and nt just a boyfrnd, a faithful one. I hated his dress sense, his “dats expensive” complains and being ova protective…. I tried changing him by paying for my stuffs and let him pay for his and also changing his walldrope but he neva changed.. we neva worked on the streets and we were neva seen durin the day time cos i feel he was out of fashion and all… not until wen he wanted to propose to me and i turned down his proposal cos am 20 and i av every tendencies of meeting som1 else in future… He still tinks am tribalistic dats the reason i turned his proposal down.

    • sigh

      August 15, 2014 at 8:35 pm

      Walldrope?? I’m ashamed of your grammar 🙁

    • person

      August 15, 2014 at 9:41 pm

      Na only “walldrope” u see dia ni?

    • Pink

      August 16, 2014 at 2:31 am

      @ ur first few sentences actually u are indeed 20.

    • Pink

      August 16, 2014 at 2:32 am

      @ sisi ur first few sentences actually shows u are indeed 20.

    • Lindsey

      August 16, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      Stay in school sweetie

    • Jamce

      August 17, 2014 at 2:31 am

      Hmmm @sisi jules the Ashamer. I thought it’s called “wardrobe” and not “wallrope”. And should be “… every tendency” instead of “… every tendencies”

  28. Simsi

    August 15, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    I once dated a guy I wasn’t proud of. I don’t know what even got into me. I wanted to try dating an ugly guy because relationships with fine boys were not working for me. I was really silly sha. I was supposed to see the boy at the mall one time like that. I was almost at his side and I ran away. The boy saw me o. I denied it that it wasn’t me that he saw. And he saw my friends at the mall. So he knew I was there. I denied it till the end. He tried to kiss me in his car one time like that. I jumped out asap. Couldn’t imagine it. Broke up with him 2 months after. He didn’t know what he did. I’m over proud of my present boo sha. He’s super cute and tall sexy and everything. Damn!*sigh. He loves me and I know it even though he has his faults. there’s plenty of pda too. I’m always the one complaining sef that its too much.

  29. Nana

    August 15, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Most people are ashamed of a guy who has no focus and direction. e.g, sometimes you don’t realise these things until after some months into the relationship.

    • chichi

      August 16, 2014 at 3:06 am

      preach!!

  30. Phew!

    August 15, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    hmm….he’s 6’4, his command of English is very good, he’s really caring and from an equally caring family, has a good job , pays attention to details when it comes to me (treats me like a queen… yada yada), opens doors for me, buys me real roses and shows me off to family and friends at every opportunity he gets, he’s got a huge frame and blah blah. I smell a proposal coming soon lol but….HE’S TOOOOOO DARK! I know it sounds like i’m being vain or petty or whatever but it’s the only thing that turns me off about him. I’m not light skinned myself (mid tone if you may) and i fear we’ll end up using torch light to locate our kids when the lights go out. He always told me how his family and friends always teased him growing up about making sure he marries a light skinned woman. lol, His Mum loves me and treats me like a daughter (she has non, she has just two boys). Funny as it may sound, his complexion is the only reason i’m afraid to give this relationship my all…

    • Sunshyne

      August 15, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      BABE CAN I SLAP YOU PLS????

    • Jennifer

      August 15, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      Can I be next?

    • SASSY

      August 15, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      I’m joining the queue. The girl is so silly

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 15, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      BN Commenters and their no-nonsense attitude. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

    • oak

      August 16, 2014 at 2:40 am

      Pls slap her back to her senses asap

    • Trina

      August 15, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      LOL! What will I not see? Too dark ke? Hahahahaha!!! Abeg don’t kill me!

    • magh

      August 15, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      wowwwww…hmmm please dump him so he can find his perfect woman! na wa ooo..girls!

    • oj

      August 15, 2014 at 6:55 pm

      babe, if i catxh u, i go slap u o. see dis babe o!

    • adaeze nwa

      August 15, 2014 at 7:55 pm

      please allow send u a very hot slap from down here. such ephemeral, childish, totally uncouth, reason you just gave. tomorrow now if husband doesn’t come, youll be blaming God. mtchewwww.pls grow up and receive the good man (I believe) God has given you with thankful heart. .

    • pat

      August 16, 2014 at 9:54 am

      Babes abeg e be like say u no know wetin u get. Soon as u comot anoda fly will see thru ur bobo and would kill or die to remain there. so if u do not appreciate what u have got, someone else will do and keep it for real. I know its ur opinion but pls think before u make any irrational decision that u would regret all ur life. sometimes or even most times opportunity comes but ones. so think am well cos ur kids would still and can still be cute irrespective of the colour. just an advice so suit yourself

    • chu

      August 18, 2014 at 11:29 am

      You must be 20 also.

    • Ibukun

      August 23, 2014 at 11:25 pm

      back hand slap!

  31. adesuwa

    August 15, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    @Tantra u b clown aswear.

  32. adesuwa

    August 15, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    torch to look for ur kids #LWKMD @phew I pray he doesn’t see diz.

    • Lindsey

      August 16, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      I hope the guy sees this jare. He deserves better than this lame girl. This is a serious issue here cos next thing they will have kids and she might hate her kids cos they are dark skinned or start bleaching for her kids at a young age. God forbid she ends up having one kid who isn’t as dark as her other kids, I can see her showing showing favoritism towards her lighter child. Cut the crap and go and friend yourself a yellow man ok.

  33. pretca

    August 15, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    So what if his diction and looks are an A plus but he just doesn’t like to pay attention to his dress sense, like he hardly shops for clothes or shoes, he would rater spend his money on travelling(not that i’m complaining about this one, coz thats one of the things i love about him) than buy a nice pair of shoes or shirt or even worse, he is always wearing over sized clothing..what can the babe do? Anyone in my shoes pls?

    • Orekelewa

      August 15, 2014 at 9:05 pm

      Hahaha! You just described my hubby. Intelligent, all sorts of amazing n would rather spend the money on me or on us traveling. What I do? I shop for him! And now he has started paying more attention to his dressing. Recently he came home with nice straight cut jeans and i was in shock and he goes I got it cos I know that’s what you love me wearing, I laughed really hard. So my dear, like someone said, turn him to ur own Idris Elba. *wink wink*

    • peaches77

      August 15, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      Right on the money dear! “Shop for him” simples !

  34. Meka

    August 15, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    God bless you. And because you’ve thought that way happiness will always be in ur home. Not everyone is perfect

  35. angela

    August 15, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    @tantra..u don make me piss fo my pant..anywy tanks fo de write up…mine is a yoruba guy nt too handsome or ugly bt he doesn’t have style even pda mbano..bt dis new guy ibo guy mehn he’s proud of me de pda sef toomuch..though am a mother of one bt he’s rilly crazy abt Me..#winks#

  36. Mintz

    August 15, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    This is a very interesting topic! I once went out with a guy who was ashamed of me, because of things i cannot control! e.g.

    1 I went to a Nigerian university
    2 I have no siblings leaving abroad
    3 My parents live in a rented apartment (not landlords)
    4 My surnames doesn’t ring a bell
    i could go on!!!!!!!

    Physically he had no problem with me, in his words “i am beautiful and befitting for a man like him, just that i don’t have the pedigree” I could go out with him to see his rich/fake friends, but am not allowed to talk or contribute to their conversation because my surname doesn’t ring a bell.. He was an expert in making me feel inadequate. After 6 months of torture, i dumped him. His reaction, gist for another day.

    That experience put a strain on my relationship with my dad, for months i was bitter with my dad, i felt he didn’t do enough! Thank God am over it now. Please if you find yourself in this situation! ashamer/ ashamee either way, just quit before somebody damage your psychology!

    • magh

      August 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      wow…people! thank God you realized sooner..and why will you be mad at your dad ? I don’t know you guys situation but what if he did what he could afford ? it’s left for you to work hard now and give your kids a better life.. na wa sha.. people and pedigree ..

    • Jaiyeoba

      August 16, 2014 at 9:15 am

      Mints you sound like someone I know. If am right you are now married to a tall,handsome guy with pedigree and you guys have 2 kids. The first guy is a minister’s son. If am wrong no vex I am just a silly busybody.

  37. jumai

    August 15, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    U need to take time and assess a relationship and ur concerns about a persons looks cos at the end of the day u know what u can accommodate in a relationship and decide at that point to either go in or move on ……cos if its not genuine love u end up breaking up and wasting each others time and resources….,,,………lams and jay!

  38. Jennifer

    August 15, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    I dated a guy who was so obviously ashamed. It was quite hurtful. When he ran out of excuses for why he puts everybody but me on his dp and doesn’t take me anywhere he will see those he respects, I had to face the fact that he thinks I’m not good enough. I don’t know why and can’t waste time racking my brains. #kanyeshrug

  39. beautifulonyinye

    August 15, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    Crazily funny comments,u guys just made my day.My very 1st boyfriend was good looking and almost all I wanted in a man but his command of the English language was quite bad then he had an OND and had no plans of furthering his education while I was in Med.School.. I didn’t tell him the real reason I left,he would have hurt more and he was a wonderful bf,I just wasn’t proud of him.

  40. Baby Yaa

    August 15, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    BN….thanks sooo much for this write up

  41. hmmmmm

    August 15, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    Awwww, im a mother of one too. I pray I find one who will be crazy about me too.

  42. blueberry

    August 15, 2014 at 7:39 pm

    @pretca…then once in a while buy him some clothing. A shirt today, a pair of shoes in december, some cool t- shirts in march etc. who says a girl can’ t also take care of her man once in a whiile if he takes good care of her as well. Its a mutual thing. or
    Once or twice a year (not on bdays, and valentine’s day), set a budget aside for ur man and take him out (shopping, dinner etc). Believe me he will always appreciate that.
    P.S. don’t stress yourself if he is a jerk and selfish. They never see further than the tip of their noses.

  43. Nekita

    August 15, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Mine was my very first man, I was 23 in my second year in d university when I met and fell inlove with my first ever boyfriend, he disvirgined me, he loves me but was not proud of me, he walks fast in front and when I confronted him he said I’m too slow, he rearly hang out with me, he is a ladies man, poor guy but cut, not even tall we are same height. 5.7, he never introduced me to his family, his friends that saw me was just by chance. But all that has passed now, we dated for 6years after school my dress sense changed for betr, I am now the one leading, we are married now and I’m pregnant with our first. He is now so very very proud of me… But the things I endured then sha! The tears and alll.. Thank God its now all in the past.

    • brules

      August 19, 2014 at 12:29 am

      awww,thankful it all ended well for you.

  44. abi

    August 15, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    Hmnn,cant stop laughing at d comments above my bf has never but up my pic on any of his social media ND my ex won’t even stop putting my pics on his, even if I put my pics on my BBM or whattsap my bf wld say it’s not nice take it off.

    • Lady

      August 16, 2014 at 7:20 am

      …same my husband NEVER puts up pictures of me. I don’t care though, I know it’s cause he’s hoarding me. 😀

  45. claire

    August 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    @ phew..U are being petty hunny…aint nothing wrong with a dark chocolate man…If u are mid skin tone ur kids will be good hun..besides kids take a little from every where..grand ma, geand pa, you, the hubby…dont throw something beautiful away cause of colour…I do understand n feel for chicks who find themselves in this position ( I have had to let go so many cause of this that I am beginning thats all God has at for me now)..Lol…But I stand my ground and know that I will meet and Marry a Man I am super duper proud of in all ramification……but my take is…if it doesnt rock ur boat and get u excited and make u proud no need half stepping..just kip it moving child!

  46. Jubilee

    August 15, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Very interesting article.i was once in a relationship where I was ashamed of the guy. Looking bAck now I think the reasons we give for being ashamed of someone are very lame. perhaps we are the insecure ones. It’s the way you treat your thing that people will treat it! I know a lady that used to hype her boo so much. I couldn’t wait to meet him from the way she talked about him. lo and behold when I finally met him I couldn’t believe my eyes he was the ugliest thing I have ever set my eyes on. I could never tell my friend that. I had to treat him as royalty the way my friend did.Besides we aren’t perfect either so why be ashamed of someone.if a guy or girl really loves you she/he will be willing to take constructive Critism if corrected with love. Back to my story of the guy I was ashamed of. Now he is married with a super hot wife. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw them. She is even way more beautiful that me (I can’t even hate).He was looking very good and he dressing was on point. The only reason I wasn’t terribly ashamed when I saw then was because I am also happily married(God saved me). But with maturity now I found out that love is a decision. We choose to love people. Even if you meet someone that isn’t your dream man or woman pimp him/her up! Cos someone else will gladly do so as long as the person has a good personality.

  47. Meeee

    August 15, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Currently have this scope that makes 6figures in the US, citizen (he’s very comfortable) but his diction (can blow up ur ears at times), looks and worst of all, his teeth ( has yellow debris in between)- u know how grandfathers teeth may look………..(GOD FORGIVE ME FOR I CANT MAKE A THING) The lady that hooked us up can’t seem to fathom my reason for not wanting to be with him but the truth is, when I marry, I will be in it forever n till death. It’s not worth it. After “see-finish”, all the money n status will fade. I’d rather wait so I won’t be ashamed of him in d future.

  48. anony 2

    August 15, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Looking back… I made a mess of tins….. I made a mess of tins.. I was ashamed of you.. I had a treasure, I lost it.. There has not being anoda.. So tall, so handsome.. I mean y’all I lost a man of about 6’7 and rilly handsome, an athlete for that matter… *biting my tongue so hard* pls don’t av anoda girlfriend…too proud to ask you

    • nnenna

      August 16, 2014 at 8:24 am

      Pride always ends in regret. If you wholly love and RESPECT this individual, don’t be too proud to beg. Goodluck.

  49. i no send

    August 15, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    ..my aunt till tommrw regrets “dumping” a particular “small boy” who at that time had nothing to show but his dreams..today he is the CEO of top 5 banks in country…and the “silly girl” who decided to buy into that dream needless to say is enjoying seriously .. don’t allow minor issues blind you from the bigger picture…just treat everyone right…..ok bye

  50. Omo CU

    August 15, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    Am 23, my le boo is wonderful. He is everything I want in a man. Am still in d university, he is looking for a job and he owns an advert company which he started with 2 of his friends. D PDA is 99.9%. He carries my hand bag whenever we re together (as a Yoruba girl….. U understand what dis aproko Yoruba women can say wen a man carries his lady’s bag). I have met his parents and siblings and some extended family. My issue is with my mum. She wants a rich guy from a rich family. And my le boo’s family is comfortable ( not as rich as my FAM) but den I always have issues with rich guys. D ones I have met don’t have any atom of respect. What will I do. I really want him to meet my mum and am afraid of what she will say.

    • pat

      August 16, 2014 at 10:11 am

      my dear I wish I could write my experience towards having to marry my jewel here but it will be too long to do so. one thing I want you to hold on too is ur happiness first before any one else. if u see your future with ur bobo carry on and be proud to show him to ur parents. try to convince ur mum why u love ur guy and if she still not on ur page go thru people that she listens and most of all commit it to to God’s hand and It will be fine. the road may be rough initially, but if u guy is ready to stand with u all thru the way then kick off as far as u have achieved ur educational status and ready to settle down don’t be scared to let her know ur choice. all the best

  51. Ashamed

    August 15, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    I’m ashamed of ‘ le boo’ .. Its complicated. I love him , but then I don’t know how to handle this. I hate his dress sense.. it totally annoys me and i’ve tried, made suggestions on what he can wear, He can wear jeans to a wedding if you let him. He keeps saying he isn’t trying to impress anyone and how he doesn’t care. But I care and it has started affecting me. Before I used to ask him to foliow me out… BBQ’s or weddings but now I don’t , just because I simply don’t want to have to fight with him about his choice of cloths. * sigh* .. I’m not saying i’m dresses head to toe in designers and expect him to do the same.

    I dress well and I just want my boo to do the same. Sometimes I see him and i’m weak..if only he’ll listen to me . And I think this affects his ability to buy gifts for me, He simply does not get me !!! He is caring and all , but if i’m too ashamed to be seen with him in public , maybe I should just free, But like I said I love him, I haven’t been able to

    • Arya Stark

      August 16, 2014 at 3:42 am

      Ashamed- Don’t force him to change, Act like you don’t care and gently tell him you think he will really look sexy in shirt A and pants B. Also, you can shop for him.

    • meldibson

      August 17, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      lol HIm too is not easy hohoh. I don’t wear designers my boo don’t either but WE BOTH LOVE GOOD THINGS. He has a good dress sense but I felt that he looked the same everyday and was always playing safe. So I told him… He said he would make efforts for me and me alone not anyone else… he is the STAR at his work place dress-wise but not to me lol. He is stepping up his game now and let me help him with his shopping and dress him sometimes. Just talk to your boo quietly; if he no want take the loud way. SHOUT! lol

  52. hamza

    August 15, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    how do you tel, query your guy who has never used you as dp for once (mayb cz d official commitment hasnt happened) without sounding shallow?

  53. Koffie

    August 15, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    Omo CU, my brother was in your boyfriend’s shoes about three years ago. Funny enough the lady and him were omo CU too but her family is way richer. She introduced him to her folks and when the parents studied them together over time, they got to love him and see his potential too. Dont be scared of introducing him to your mum, she might be objective. You even said he has started an advert outlet with his friends….that’s a guy with dreams. Continue to pray for you guys and you’ll be alright. By the way, my brother is doing really well now and they’re set to marry next year.
    As for the topic, my boyfriend and I broke up cos I noticed signs that showed he was ashamed of me. My Adam would come and not tarry. Amen

    • Omo CU

      August 16, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Thanks Koffie. U re amazing

  54. MzSomebody

    August 15, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    God Have Mercy, I’m ashamed of My BF Because He is So Tall and So thin, No Clothe he Puts on Looks good on him because of his Slim Stature, and the Worse part is when he is Unclothed! Everything is just Tiny Bones and Little flesh Coverings, but the thing is the Guy loves me Sooo Much and will do anything for me but I just don’t seem to be able to overlook his physique, really Confused Now, Should I loose a Good Guy on the Grounds of Unattractive Physical Appearance or Continue to be in a relationship with him even though I ain’t Proud of him…

    • magh

      August 16, 2014 at 1:58 am

      idk where you are but you can make him fat! protein shake and all.. I tried that with my ex boo.. it worked for a while.. till classes started and school stress made him thin again

    • meldibson

      August 17, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Take him to the gym! ask him to eat more!!!!

  55. MCskill ThaPreacha

    August 15, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    Chizzyy this is crazy! I’m really LMAO! Damn! Keep em coming bae!

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 6:56 am

      Like, I’ve been laughing real hard at the comments since yst! Ashay, we plenty for the matter. Lol!

  56. Alice Bako

    August 15, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    Pls everyone I need ur advice my hubby has never used my pix on his DP before he has never taken me out before or likes to go out with me he prefers going out alone n when I beg to follow he disagrees he has never bought anything like a dress or wristwatch for me ever since we got married no pda at all at all whenever we are in the house n am hapily gisting n chatting with him he complains I talk too much n that am disturbing him it wasn’t like dis before we got married now am very unhappy pls advice me he dosnt make me happy at all I always ask myself if truly I love him n why I married him becos am unhappy sex is always once a month or 2wice in 3months pls advice me

    • nene

      August 16, 2014 at 1:54 am

      what else do you need to know? your husband doesn’t love you. get a divorce and move on, or suffer in silence.

    • magh

      August 16, 2014 at 2:00 am

      wow alice.. I feel sad for you.. communication they say is key.. have you spoken to him about this.. just like the way you sent in your comment.. why don’t you tell the same way too..

    • Arya Stark

      August 16, 2014 at 3:36 am

      Hello Alice Bako. Please answer the following questions
      1. Did you force him into marriage (pregnancy or constant nagging)?
      2. Do you still make an effort to look like a hot wife in your home (I’m married and know sometimes this can be difficult)?
      3. If you have kids, have you given all your attention to them babies and possibly neglected him?
      4. Have you at all lied or hurt his feelings (some men retaliate by ignoring you completely if they feel you’ve hurt them)?
      If you have answered No to all these questions, then honey I’m sorry to say that your husband might be cheating.

    • nnenna

      August 16, 2014 at 8:54 am

      God bless you. I’m not a relationship expert, but from your article, me think Mr husband cares not. Seek to have a sincere heart-to-heart with him. Tell him your perception of his attitude/treatment towards you, how it makes you feel. Be open, come to the session willing to listen, rather than complain. Give him every opportunity to vent/explain how and why your relationship is going the way you described it. IMPORTANT, do not let the session degenerate to a verbal fight. Learn as much as you can and see what you can work with. You have a brain, you can definitely tell when someone thinks you are one his great missteps in life. If it’s salvageable and he wants the relationship as much as you do. Both of you can work things out. If not. ………..? Well, you can’t make someone love you. Love yourself, make great use of the times he leaves you all by yourself. Find a hobby, make yourself as lovely as you can afford. Who knows he may begin to see you in a new light and come to crave time together with you. If not? At least you didn’t spend your life mopping over someone who cares nothing about you. Ultimately, you have the right to happiness and contentment just like he does. Goodluck.

    • Fite

      August 17, 2014 at 10:50 am

      You my friend is definitely blessed

    • pat

      August 16, 2014 at 10:21 am

      my dear am so sorry about y our situation. but to start with, I believe u should find a way to speak to him about ur concerns and try. if he does grant you an audience pls and pls don’t talk all thru when he speak so u don’t discourage him not too talk.no matter how tempting it might be. secondly, if he does not want to complain or say anything try and speak to someone who he does not refuse like a relation, friend or mentor. am sure he would be able to come out and tell u why things have changed. however, if he does comes out to complain of issues he does not like about you. apologise and let him know u would change and make thgs better. am sure with any of this ur marriage should take shape and also be prayerful too and always be submissive irrespective. all the best.

    • brules

      August 19, 2014 at 12:40 am

      oh dear sis,did you court him @all?Haa this is a new one o!

  57. Tunjie

    August 15, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    One of the most interesting stuff on BN. My take,all of us got that aspect of ours lives wc our partners r nt too proud of. It depends on wat u consider very important. There are things I can tolerate…(I had to quit a relatnship cos le boo is addicted to Nollywood movies n AM) If the good ones out weighs the ones i’m ashamed of in order of my priority, fine.

  58. natty

    August 16, 2014 at 12:00 am

    I dated a guy I was ashamed of, he was average looking and the ugiest of all my ex boyfriends, bad character shows once in a while. now what really used to peeve me was how he’ll be feeling like he’s some sexy god. He could go on and on about how cute he was, as if i no get eye to see the worworness. once I had had enough, I jejely told him he was the least handsome guy I had dated, he was in shock, by the time I had shown him pics of my exes he never brought up the I am handsome topic again.

    • Amaababe

      August 16, 2014 at 3:11 am

      Lmao….

  59. stephanie

    August 16, 2014 at 12:18 am

    This is exactly my plight, I’m single but I just met a guy who seems to be very nice and caring but his use of English is something I can’t put up with and he’s not very smart.i love intelligent guys, u dnt have to be mr Nigeria bt at least have something upstairs cos I’m very intelligent nd I love a good challenge.this has been my prob wt d guy nd my sis thinks that I shud give him a chance cos I’m single bt I’m jst 21 and I told her that d right man for me is on his way,I have to be proud of d man I’m dating biko thats d only way I’d be sure that I’m in love with him…

    • pretca

      August 19, 2014 at 1:30 am

      If you are not feeling the guy from the get go then there is no need to force it. There are some things you can change and some u just can. It sounds like you are usually sapiosexually attracted to the opposite sex which is kind of the same for me. A guys physical looks doesn’t really do much for me, its whats upstairs. Don’t get me wrong, i can be attracted to a cute/fine/handsome guy but the moment i spend an hour (at most with him) I can tell what he has going on upstairs and that automatically puts me off or makes me want to go further.
      BTW when I say intelligence for me, I don’t necessarily mean academic intelligence.
      So yeah, If you aren’t feeling it now , then don’t bother! Someone you will be genuinely attracted to is on the way *wink*

    • pretca

      August 19, 2014 at 1:31 am

      @stephanie If you are not feeling the guy from the get go then there is no need to force it. There are some things you can change and some u just can. It sounds like you are usually sapiosexually attracted to the opposite sex which is kind of the same for me. A guys physical looks doesn’t really do much for me, its whats upstairs. Don’t get me wrong, i can be attracted to a cute/fine/handsome guy but the moment i spend an hour (at most with him) I can tell what he has going on upstairs and that automatically puts me off or makes me want to go further.
      BTW when I say intelligence for me, I don’t necessarily mean academic intelligence.
      So yeah, If you aren’t feeling it now , then don’t bother! Someone you will be genuinely attracted to is on the way *wink*

  60. eve

    August 16, 2014 at 12:55 am

    I love dark skin men, luckily God gave me a tall and very black man as my husband. He’s not perfect, but I choose to love him with all his faults. Somethings u can work on, others u just live with them. Am happy and we have a great marriage. Besides he loves me, lots of pda, faithful and a good dresser. I love him even if am more educated and speak better than him. He has more money than me! Abeg for me I choose to see him as my mr. Perfect!

  61. Amaababe

    August 16, 2014 at 3:08 am

    I have once been embarrassed by a boyfriend of mine who didnt know what the word “couple” meant..Som1 said we were a goodlooking couple n he said “we arent a couple”. It was from that day i started getting ashamed of the man i was dating.

  62. Arya Stark

    August 16, 2014 at 3:28 am

    You guys are funny sha. So because you speak good english, dress well and look good means you are above those who don’t. Love is more than looks. If someone loves you then that matters. There is nothing you can’t fix. if he is a bad dresser- then show him how to put his clothes together. Go shopping as a team and have fun with him. If his english is bad- play fun games that can help build his vocabulary. If he’s fat- Work out as a couple. Bad teeth- Book an appointment with the dentist. Can’t express himself in public- Build his confidence. You girls forming I can’t date this and I can’t date that because I will be ashamed remember you are not all that yo are not perfect and there are people out there who will be ashamed of you as well.

    • Fite

      August 17, 2014 at 10:56 am

      Gbamestest

  63. Arya Stark

    August 16, 2014 at 3:52 am

    My now husband used to dress poorly back in the days, had a difficulty expressing himself in public and had BO. The good thing was that he was very smart and ambitious and that was enough for me.. The song ‘Let me upgrade you’ is not just a song ladies….let it be your anthem. I fixed his dressing, suggested outfits for him. Now this boy even cares about fashion more than me. Regarding his BO, I buy his deodorant and perfume for him and always tell him how sexy he smells after he puts it on. Now this man uses his perfume every time and can;t go a day without his deodorant. Expressing himself publicly is also one of my weaknesses so it’s a work in progress for us cause we are both shy. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CANNOT BE FIXED. LET HIS LOVE BE ENOUGH.

    • Ashamed

      August 16, 2014 at 9:22 pm

      Thank you @ Arya Stark !! God Bless you

  64. Free

    August 16, 2014 at 6:59 am

    I dated a guy who was loving, held me in high esteem and did everything possible to make me happy. He was a graduate, and at first I thought he was ambitious and motivated. However, after graduation, he quickly settled into business (chemist) and still lived at home with his mom and brother. When I asked him what he would do if we did get married, he said he’ll probably rent a room in mushin or yaba, and with his business, we’ll be able to manage. Also, he had no clue about current affairs, social media, apps, modern technology. I just couldn’t go on with him and was ashamed to talk about him to family or friends. Like some one said earlier, sometimes you “manage” a guy and that is really terrible. If you truly love someone, you’d love them with their flaws and not be ashamed of them. I guess I never loved him.

  65. MzChizzy

    August 16, 2014 at 7:03 am

    You ladies are the absolute best! Loving every single comment on here! Thanks for reading…glad y’all enjoyed the write-up…and the comments?….hilarity for days! LMAO! :*

  66. Lady

    August 16, 2014 at 7:36 am

    Thinking back, I remember dating some guy back in Uni who was ashamed of me cause I colored my hair red. Lol. I didn’t care much , I understood his insecurities…but I almost had a stroke when he grabbed me one day in front of all his friends; finally acknowledging our relationship.

  67. Patrice

    August 16, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Mine is always speaking yoruba in public even when everyone else is speaking english. Yoruba yoruba yoruba. And his jokes are always so dry…but he loves me a lot.

  68. onlymewaka

    August 16, 2014 at 11:51 am

    I don laff taya since yesterday till this morning,and I will still come back cos am expecting more comments. My lee boo has never been ashamed of me,but the day I made one funny looking here,he told me he is not feeling the hair,and so am on my way to have another hair style.
    @Mzchizzy,love your write up.

    • MzChizzy

      August 16, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      Thanks dear!

  69. O'lara

    August 16, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Interesting topic! Plenty interesting gist on here…..Getting down to my story,I am currently in a relationship with a guy that I would never in my wildest imagination think I can have a fling with not to talk of RELATIONSHIP, he’s been asking me out when we were schooling abroad some years ago and I bluntly turned him down. My cousin and I will be like ‘he no dey look face’ like am way beyond his league and all, even the good looking guys sef, I don’t spare them a minute of my time not to talk of this ‘ short and not so good looking one’.

    I was in a relationship with a really cool rich bobo then that was spoiling me with money and all dem goodies. BUT! I wasn’t happy, this my ‘cool guy’ is a woman wrapper, I mean a pervert when it comes to women and sex, and the only reason he kept me is because I just happen to have d kind of body he adores! U know d ‘Kim K’ thingy ‘big bum, hips of life on a size 8-10 body. Eventually I had to break up with this guy when high bp wants to kill me at my tender age, and I lost my self esteem, self worth etc

    I had it so bad that I was depressed for weeks, I wouldn’t go out or make my hair, I will just seat at home and cry my eyes out, So many times my friends will tell me to look in the mirror and see what I look like, they have to keep reminding me that any man will be lucky to have me and I deserve better than what am getting from that dude.

    So I ran into d guy that I said ‘he no dey look face’ in Nigeria since most of all relocated back, and he was still on d matter, lool, we started hanging out, though I was going to see him because I needed a job and he was working in really good place I was hoping he would help me get a job there.

    To cut d long story short, we started seeing each other but I was ashamed to tell my cousin because u know we feel he’s not good enough physically. But he’s intelligent, outspoken, caring and all, meanwhile, he has his shortcomings too, but these are things I can deal and cope with.

    Even when my mum meet him she was like, haha! U can’t date this one nah! Lmao!!! Imagine o! But u know what? I called their bluff big time, I decided to stick to my man o! For better for worse, even my friends all act weird when the meet him for d first time, they can’t just believe me, of all people can do this kind of man, but at the end of d day this is where I find happiness… now everyone knows we are together and I don’t give a kahuna what they think. Am proud of him anytime anyday, one of my friend saw a pic of us together and she was like, babe this your bobo don carry wetin pass am o! Lmao! Though he feels insecured sometimes too, and tell me girls like you don’t have one bf, but I have been faithful and amazingly, I love him now, because initially I didn’t, I just enjoyed his company. I have so many guys on my case but…. am done chasing shadows my people, and except thus guy messes up which I pray not, this relationship is alter bound

    My advise, no carry wetin pass ur power, it’s better to have an average man that adores u than a loser who feels too important to treat u well! Above all be happy.

    • meldibson

      August 17, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      You said it girl! Just based on the physique, I would pick a not-so-goo-looking man who can dress (He mears the clothes) over a beautiful looking man who looks bla (the clothes wear him).
      on the emotional side, I would prefer an OK looking man who treats me like HIS QUEEN than a beautiful one who will give me Heartattack

    • Tru

      August 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Babe!!! Been there!!! Only my not-so-fine bobo actually refused to introduce me (fine well brought-up Lagos working chick o) to his mother! That’s when I realised that guys(fine and wöwö) all have issues. ‘Tis well 😀

  70. I dey ur matteri

    August 16, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    @o’lara jex 2 clarify…wen u said u skooled in abroad,ope u meant cotonau or togo…ur english thou

    • Evie

      August 16, 2014 at 7:34 pm

      Lmaoo, I dey your matter biko clarify too…Cotonau koor coconut ni.

    • aj

      August 18, 2014 at 12:00 am

      lmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooo Evie you are funny…infact a lot of ladies on here are hilarious. Keep it coming.

    • Arinola

      August 17, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      To all them “internet English Police”ahn ahn chill! No one is above mistake. We shouldn’t always be in so much hurry to point out faults. @ o”Lara I absolutely love that you have decided to damn the world. That is very big and brave of you. Yes I understand that we all have a “type” , also I have seen women take a raw man, married him, and made him a man of steel. My friend who is still single at 45 told me a story about how some 15 years ago he didn’t want to marry a certain girl because she was “not his type, not classy enough for him” he saw this same girl recently, she is married with children and looked so hawt!! he couldn’t believe his eyes. In his words “some have missed their mr or miss right for silly reasons and are still single, another will come, but it might take a little longer”Wisdom is profitable to direct…

  71. O'lara

    August 16, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    @ I dey ur matter to double clarify, I can’t see where I said ‘schooled in abroad’ if u want to critically analyse my comment be my guest!

  72. Amaka

    August 16, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    My mr perfect is not what I want pshycally … But I love him n I don’t know anyone that loves n support me like he does he makes me happy n I knw he got me anytime any day … All the tall dark handsome n rich r just bp givers

  73. O'lara

    August 16, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    @ I dey ur matter, u are on your own, can’t see where I said ‘I schooled in abroad’ it’s a long post, could have made some mistakes but I def didn’t write that! Fault finders!

  74. nixie

    August 17, 2014 at 1:34 am

    Lmao how I love it here sigh, different pple with different stories.

  75. Fite

    August 17, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Gbamestest!!!!!

  76. meldibson

    August 17, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Am not ashamed of my BooBoo, he is taller than me, slim, clean, educated well spoken, has a good Job and he is a very good man. I love stepping out with him; people like to stare at us… He loves stepping out with me, he says “I am very happy to have you” people always compliment me and he loves that because “am HIS” like he likes to say. He is not exactly where I want him to be style-wise but he is getting there. Don’t get me wrong he is an elegant french man, yet! I want him to loosen up a bit. Working on that! He is slim already I am getting him some tone and lean muscles by taking him to the gym with me and advising him on what to eat. The good thing about him: he is very open and gives it a try. MOUAH!
    Make sure you are happy with who you are; who wants to live a miserable life? Not me

  77. daiva

    August 17, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    interesting read I found myself relating to dis, my bf does abt 6/8 it’s long dist so I don’t know if it’s intentional but lately we av been having issues and my mind tells me to leave him but my heart’s say no. he keeps me distracted mostly ruin my moods and sorts and right now am abt to get my degree and don’t need stress but I don’t seem ready to leave him. I love him lots and trust me I don’t Love easy but I can tell he is not good for me, I guess I need someone to yank d chain off me. we just quarrel lots and he doesn’t show me love since we are not in d same state he doesn’t call much or communicate well. Did I also mention he as a lot of females am not a jealous person but he is beginning to make me one coz am not stupid flaunting babes is not really necessary. I think it’s best I leave him but I love him just don’t know how to

  78. babygiwa

    August 17, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Wow! Interesting comments, thumbs up mz-chizzy. Ok, as a young undergrad there are many guys that are interested in me but the problem is that most of the guys that are about the same age as me (early 20s) aren’t serious!!!! As in, what do you want to do after school? Your relationship with God? Your spoken English? Dress sense? Ambitions? Goals? Aspirations and all…. *sigh* abi na to dey go club and do ishekushe you sabi?? I can’t shout please. I have standards, if you are not in my league I won’t stoop to your level. I can’t date someone i’m not proud of o!

  79. next

    August 17, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    I have this taxi driver that is attracted to me. He is so handsome and tall but I can’t have anything to do with him bcos of the taxi thing. He wants us to go on a date but am so afraid and ashamed that I might see people dat knows us individually

  80. apple crumble

    August 17, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    so two guys are on my case 1st guy likes me alot, he’s been loving me from day1. very caring, God fearing and will go any length for me, he’s got prospects too BUT broo he’s not good looking at alll,he’s bald, has MAD M.O, dry skin, POOR dress sense be wearing faded shirts! (he has money o)poor diction, not exposed to modern technology,no charisma at all. the list goes on..dude won’t just give up on me and i know i’ll definitly be ashamed of him if i give him a chance.2nd guy is this idris elba looking kinda dude with charisma etc that i like alot but this guy doesn’t even take me out, even when we do we leave on time he doesn’t treat me soo well, in short he doesn’t make me happy. im soo ‘confuse’ someborry!

    • Godlymiss

      August 24, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      Its not compulsory that you date either of them.Be patient and you’ll find you have better options.

  81. naana

    August 18, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    @ next: i have a taxi driver friend who just needed someone to push him through life.
    he met this sister whom he took care of from 1st degree to masters degree.
    he is now done with his first degree and still drives his taxi cos he makes more money than working for someone. built a house and owns two taxis.
    how do you see him when he is not driving his taxi? if you think of what people say, you
    are sure to miss your blessings.
    have you seen any potentials in him? as in being a forceful person and always striving to have the best.
    have you asked yourself how these people will act if they find themselves in your shoes? they will stay by this taxi drive who will project so well you’ll get jealouse and bit your nails.
    if your heart wants this and he treats you right, just give him a chance.

  82. naana

    August 18, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    i never knew i will ever get attracted to someone who is not handsome. but some how this heart of mine decided not to work with my brain and i let myself go.
    he is a blessing to me and i am enjoyimg every single bit of it.

  83. ice

    August 18, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    I have a friend who loves short men,and amidst all we said she kept her grounds,it’s about Wat u want

  84. PurpleiciousBabe

    August 18, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    Nawahooo…all the comments sha. It had me loooliiinng.
    I like all types of guys so am good well tall or lanky, or built with muscles etc.Light or dark, white teeth or semi brown teeth, beard or no beard, purposely bald or full of dreads, fashion trender or not,quiet or reserved, glasses or none etc. As long as he is tall or at the very least 3inches taller than me, healthy and happy and comfortable in his own skin, we can make everything else work.
    I recall dating two guys I wasn’t so proud of initially . 1) he was the same height as me 5.4 and I did not find him physically attractive so I was not ooed or ahhed.
    2)He was dark and had a head on him but my, that head was full of brains. so I was sold intellectually.
    With the 2nd one, I eventually got over my shyness and just allowed myself and I began to see he was good looking in his own way.

    I don’t like making people feel insecure about themselves so if I cannot be of help I rather just stay back.. Like the 1st one, the girl who could handle him came by and they got married earlier than expected.

    Happiness and comfort is essential.. We can’t have it all so yh if wehave some great vibes and we connect in all the relevant levels. I am good to go.

  85. brules

    August 19, 2014 at 12:55 am

    oh,i ha d a good time reading the article,and the comments!oh totally mind blowing.Just be led by the holy spirit,some things are minor while others are major,but you gotta be with someone you are proud of o!Because it is the way you treat him that people around will as well.

  86. sum1special

    August 19, 2014 at 10:03 am

    Never been a victim..but you cant be with someone who isnt proud of you now. are you trying to hurt yourself.

  87. deviousmaids

    August 19, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Hmmm to each his own…i met a guy ,a widower, loves me to a point of no return,,cares for me and all he lives for is to make me happy…but guy has tribal mark and he is in his early 40’s while am in my early 30’s.He can turn the world upside down for me,yes i said that. What do i do as am not very proud to show him to people because of the marks and his vocabulary .

  88. pimp

    August 19, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    i have been single for years now,when ever i meet my Mr right some one takes him away from me.my looks scare guys from me.i have a suitor his all what i want from a guy,but he is not cute.his super wealthy but i cant manage him.the more i flee,the more he falls in love.and the one i love has a young baby and is out of the country.dont know when we will meet.he does PDA and is very Cute and no matter mad im,when i speak to him i will be very happy and calm.but he has a young daughter.i need help.

    • brownie

      August 19, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      I’m sorry @pimp but PDA and cute ain’t gonna cut it when it comes to marriage unless that’s all you care about in a marriage (which I’m sure isn’t). You may not like the super wealthy one but how about getting to know him first before writing him off? You may be surprised by what you’ll discover if you get to know him and that doesn’t mean you’re automatically dating him. You can be honest with him and tell him you would like to be friends first, take your time and see if it’s worth investing in or not. Sounds to me like the one with the young daughter has got other things on his plate. Do you really want to get involved with that? Nothing wrong with dating/marrying someone who already has a kid but be prepared to face whatever comes with it, good or bad, drama or no drama.

  89. brownie

    August 19, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    Ladies, it’s all well and good to know what we want and I definitely subscribe to that but how about also thinking about and considering what it is we can bring to the table for the men in our lives as well? I think everyone should apply Godly wisdom in deciding what are your “must haves and have nots”.

    A decision to ex someone based solely on looks may not be the wisest option – and I say this because whether we like it or not, looks will change one day (including yours!) – check out my post about the inevitable growing old on…myscarletthreaddotcom (BN don’t delete pls!). But if a guy (or girl) is ashamed of you and killing your self esteem….cut em loose, it’s not worth it! My 2 cents..

  90. Spicey

    August 19, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Lol! @ashamee nd ashamer. Hmmmm! I have a friend dating a married guy, I warned her abt the bad act o! Hian!!! Here’s the iss, each time both hangout wit friends they relate like ordinary friends and even avoid eye contact sef cos the other guys came in with their wives. Meanwili sontin is popping between themo! U see am!! Odikwa risky* My advice to ladies is to stay off people’s hubby abeg. I don go….

  91. Titi

    August 21, 2014 at 11:23 am

    I cant date someone I wont be proud of. There was one guy my friend wanted me to date he was semi illiterete, he couldnt make a simple sentence without grammatical error, cant even type correctly, I like cool kids and not lwkmdites, also there was one guy that wanted to date me, but he was kinda fat and he had a pot belly. sigghhhhhh I just cant deal.

  92. just a note to say....

    August 22, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    It’s amazing how many comments this post has gotten and I feel it goes to show that this is a fairly common occurrence caused by some underlying issues. What screams out to me is that a lot of girls do not know what they want and secondly do not know who they are or what they are worth and as such get themselves involved in wasteful relationships, never minding time is something you can never get back. It’s so easy for us to air out dirty laundry under the guise of ‘anonymous’ but I think we should examine ourselves to identify what part we are playing in the problem.

    I don’t want to limit this to a Nigerian thing but the underlying issue here is cowardice, and that may have something to do with ones personality (people-pleasing tendencies) or I hate to say upbringing/tribe (and yes I am Yoruba, before anyone starts pointing fingers).

    I too have been guilty of dating people I was ashamed of, for the primary reason of being afraid to hurt them. In one instance, I agreed to date a guy I want attracted to because he had really put himself out there and I felt sorry for him. and so I rationalised thinking he was a kind and caring person, so why not??….the only problem was that I saw him as dispensable and so when something better came along I moved on which was very very cruel of me. I can try and excuse myself by saying I was young, but let facts be fact it was mean.

    I have seen the same habit repeat itself a couple more times and after self-reflection, I discovered that the reason I went into these relationships was because I had a low self esteem about myself such that ‘anyone fairly decent’ would do. The shiny type A ones never approached me anyway. This was also coupled with selfishness. I had been single for a while and so wanted to be loved and as such settled for people I knew lacked the ‘non-negotiable’ characteristics I desired. If not for my burning conscience I could have ended up spending the rest of my life ‘managing’ a relationship, all because I didn’t want to be single. (lets not forget we live life ONCE). In the process I hurt and wounded others and for a long time I was blind to my hardened heart. I am however grateful for my eyes being opened to the truth and getting to see things from the other persons perspective but even more so, for discovering who I am in Christ.
    I also think a memo needs to go out to guys cos from the comments above, the recurring things that girls are often ashamed of include:
    1. BAD dress sense (Oga patapata!!!!!!!!!!!)
    2. Poor diction
    3. physique (some things like height cannot change, but weight can)
    4. Body odour

    I will end by saying, if you have a guy that meets your non-negotiable standard, don’t sweat the small stuff. As a lot of ladies have put it, its all about COMMUNICATION and how you get your point across. Never come across as though u are attacking him but instead ‘baby, I love it / you are so irresistible when you wear xyz…and u got them upping their dress game. I wish someone had told me this before. Anyways, there’s my 100 kobo.

  93. theonewhomustnotbenamed

    August 24, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Physically he ticks all the right boxes,intellectually…not bad. The only issue I have is his diction ,he doesn’t get it all wrong all the time and the good thing is that he listens to correction. Above all he’s caring loving and would do anything to make me happy. I’ve decided to stick with him and help him become a better person diction wise. Datzall.

  94. wondergirl

    August 28, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Okay I have a boyfrnd atm he has bin on my case for about 4 years I liked him right from time but he was jst razz, fas forword 2013 I had jst broke up wit my super fine boy, good english intelignt, proud, broke, asin too broke but he wld b forming bad guy I really like him but he made me feel so less of my self he killd my self esteem I tel u , we brkup sha den I m like lemme jst try this dudr dat has bin on my case for long so I agreed iono wat I was finking whn I agreed, nw I m ashamd of him, he looks very yorubaish he has some area boy traits , he is broke sef nd he isnt hardworkin far ftm my type o guy, iswear iono wat to do

    On

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