Love is indeed a beautiful thing, especially when le boo loves all of you, and not just some pretty sexy part of le anatomy. Last I checked too, love is patient, kind…not irritable. Love never fails. And so when my good friend Nkechi told me she was going to end her relationship with her boyfriend of 6 months because she wasn’t proud of him, I wondered if she was in ever in love with him in the first place. How on earth can you be ashamed of someone you claim to love? What part of Bruno Mars’ ‘Just The Way You Are’ do you not understand?
“I’m never comfortable walking with him on the street…I don’t want anyone knowing he is my boyfriend, biko…his English sucks. Is Idris Elba not somebody’s boyfriend nii, does his babe have two heads?” blurted Nkechi.
My friend’s honest appraisal of her guy got me thinking about other persons who are possibly in her shoes – people who are in relationships but are supremely ashamed of their partners. So I thought of several reasons why a person could be ashamed of his/her dearest. Thanks to Nkechi, top on my list was poor vocabulary, then your partner’s physique (slim & short, boobs the size of pebbles, large nose, small head, big eyes, stretch marks, senior chikito tummy, *insert more here*)
I asked a few more friends and the list grew to include poor hygiene, inability to express oneself in public and poor dress sense. While trying to wrap my head around some of these reasons, another exclaimed, “Nigerian Police!..I will be mighty ashamed of my boo if he was an ordinary corporal.”
I must confess, a couple of these reasons are valid, so I made further inquiries. How on earth will I know if my partner is ashamed of me? Nkechi was generous enough to give me 8 ‘Ashamed Alerts’ and she mentioned the list is non-exhaustive.
Here you go:
• He walks ahead of you on the road or worst still never sees you off anytime you go visiting.
• He rarely introduces you as his partner or mentions you’re just a friend
• He refuses to change his relationship status on Facebook
• He hardly uses your picture as his DP
• He’s always keeping dates low key; prefers hanging out with you at home or locations where he will unlikely bump into mutual friends
• No PDA.
• He refuses to let you meet his family. He fears that you will not meet their expectations and that they will disapprove of you
• He disrespects you around strangers and doesn’t care if you leave angrily
Now here’s what I think:
When you love someone, you should love all of that person – including his/her flaws. When you find that wonderful man/woman, the last thing you want to do is break up over superficial or self-centered, irrational reasons like the size of his nose.
If you are the ashamee – the one at the receiving end, do not stay with someone who would make hurtful comments about something you totally have no control over. Get rid of the loser like the scum they are and get your groove on. The person who will appreciate everything about you will surface sooner than you think.
If you are the ashamer- the one who is ashamed of another, it is not a crime to be single. How do you desperately date someone who you do not want to be seen in public with…some who repulses you? How do you guys even do these things? But again what do I know?… if people can be ashamed of their parents and siblings, why not a boy/girlfriend, right?
Better be single than date someone you are ashamed of…it isn’t exactly rocket science.
What do you guys think? Have you ever been in a situation where you were ashamed of your boo? How did that affect your relationship? Pray, tell!
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