I got a message about a month ago from someone I hadn’t spoken to in over 5 years. We were good friends in college but lost touch after graduation so I was really shocked when I received an animated message from him on social media that read something like:
“Toyosi!! Wow!!! It is so good to reconnect with you!! Is there a number I can reach you on?” While I was still thinking of a courteous reply to send, he sent, “We used to be good friends, what happened?”
I was perplexed.
I really wanted to reply saying, “I don’t understand”.
Me last year may have been super-excited about reconnecting with an old friend and rekindling the fire of the good friendship that we had but me this year read that email and immediately thought to myself, “there’s no space!”
Where would I start from during the conversation when he calls? So I would have to discuss what I’ve been doing since I left college with yet another person. I would have to talk about the major decisions I’ve made, the friends he knew I had then that I’m no longer friends with, why I’m no longer friends with them, the friends he knew I had then that I’m still friends with, what each of them is up to, the ex/current boyfriends, what they are up to, and any other piece of information that he may be interested in during the phone call. And it won’t end there! I’d have to ask him the same questions and listen to any other piece of information he chooses to share with me and then update him regularly and be there when he wants to update me.
I’m sorry I can’t.
There’s no space and no time to start investing in rekindling the beautiful friendship that we had. Yes it was beautiful but there’s just no space right now.
It’s not everyone who comes back knocking on the door of your life that you should grant entry to and it’s not everyone that is entitled to the current information and mysteries of your heart. Doesn’t the Good Book say to guard our hearts with all diligence?
My friend, Ola once said, “My life is a sold out concert, if you lose your ticket, you may never get back in”.™
It’s O.K. to tell yourself that there’s simply no space for any more people and not feel guilty about it. Don’t stretch yourself thin trying to give everyone room in your life, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice! If you are stretched thin already and another person comes around, trying to get close/be a confidant, let your conversation go somewhat like this:
Him/Her: Knock knock
You: Who’s there?
Him/Her: Taiwo from 1973
You: NO SPACE!!
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Birgit Reitz-hofmann