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Mz Chizzy: The Role of ‘Visions’ in Relationships



??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Love rocks! Few things can be compared to the joy of being in a strong, healthy and happy relationship. But you would agree that relationships require hard work, time, attention, planning, and executing activities that ultimately lead to the intimacy and happiness you so desire. Without the necessary efforts to keep the love alive, the relationship will wither. Do this for 1, 3 or 8 years, it’s eventually time to walk down the aisle…and suddenly there is a REVELATION!…which oftentimes becomes the genesis of a super story.

Let me to introduce you to Lanre – resourceful, pretty, hardworking Advertising Executive and God-fearing too. Lanre is engaged to be married to a widower. They have been together for 4years and she’s ready to tie the knot with the love of her life. It’s been a long time coming. “Have you asked for God’s blessing on this wedding? Are you sure he is the man for you? Let us go and seek God’s face” suggested Aunty Kella.
A visit to a religious leader reveals Lanre is headed for destruction if she marries le boo. The chances of her dying on her wedding night are as high as a mountain. Fast forward 3 days and it is end of engagement, end of her highly anticipated wedding. Lanre is 37.

Now here’s what I think… Deciding whom you’ll marry is hugely important and will affect extensively the rest of your life. Given the weight of this decision, it’s only natural to want reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. What I really do not understand is why that reassurance should come only from a religious leader – Pastor or Alfa in our part of the world.

No offense, but why is he seeing this vision when the couple is a step away from singlehood? Why not see it in their 1st or 2nd year of dating? Is it the same vision that gives a man the audacity to walk up to a woman and tell her that God has revealed to him that the lady in question is his wife when in actuality, all he has done is donate handsomely to a religious leader so that he will see the vision to his advantage?
Whilst it’s okay to seek HIS guidance in the choice of a marriage mate, where exactly do you draw the line? Whatever happened to praying on your own or with your would-be spouse?

What do you think? Would you listen to a religious leader’s advice to leave the man/woman of your dreams because he foresees danger…after dating le boo for only God-knows-how-long? Your heart tells you to stay. You know you are meant for each other, you have invested so much in the relationship. 5 years no be beans.

Breaking your heart and his is the least thing you want to do right now. Would you go ahead and cancel your wedding or would you listen to the late Joan Rivers who said – “Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.”

Please indulge us, what has He revealed to you while reading this article? Pray, tell!

Photo CreditCepera1975 |

MzChizzy is the writer behind She thinks for a living. She can simultaneously be the nicest and meanest person you’d ever meet. She loves fufu more than life itself and hates taking pictures with a passion. Follow her on twitter @Mzz_Chizzy ‘cos you won’t find her on Instagram.


  1. Ephi

    September 17, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    I believe in seeking God’s face with decisions. The Bible asks us to seek and we will find, He has promised to direct us if we are open to being directed.

    I personally don’t subscribe to “visiting religious leaders” particularly in Nigeria. Seek counsel yes, but within reasonable limits. Also, at the end of the day, you are the one that would be in the marriage / bear the consequences right? Not the religious leader.

    Personal experience: I was once at crossroads with a major decision and really not sure what to do. I spoke to my aunt about it, couple of days later she called me up saying her pastor said option X would not end well so I should go for Y. I thanked her, but went ahead with option X after praying about the whole situation. Looking back now, that was the best ever decision to make as it opened up so many other things almost like a flight of steps.

  2. Ephi

    September 17, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    As for the whole “God revealed to me you are my wife”, mehn, that phrase has been so abused in the church today. I typically just say thank you and end the discussion there.

  3. Irene

    September 17, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Its really a difficult situation to be in,but I think ll follow d pastor’s advice if I knw the pastor is truly a genuine man of God

    • pipi

      September 17, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      and u are? not a child of God abi…. my bible tells me that Jesus died so we can have access to God, he tore the veil. hence we dont need a moses or a joshua to help us speak to God. speak to God your self. If the decision is wrong he will confirm it in ur heart, your pastor’s word is just a confirmation. And all this divine instructions without basis.

      A true pastor: When u tell him about your confusion would ask you very pertinent questions and counsel you based on the answer you give; take for instance u potray the guy as career driven and he knows you are career driven, then he starts to question your desicion and gauge the compartiblity of the couple.

      Fake pastor: doesnt know anything the guy or girl some even go as far as bring different names of your suitors and they pick the one you are most compatible “names on paper”.

      My aunty called me last year and told me to bring names of suitors so she can check the one thats my husband, hehehehehe i gave her random names , imagine after one week called to say one of the random names is my husband.

      To conclude your pastor should play the role of counselor and not a Divination Priest.

    • intoxyka

      September 17, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      God bless you for this comment Pipi….
      what happened to your knees that you cant kneel down and seek God’s face? In fact, you should have started praying since the start of the relationship for God’s will in your life to prevail. Dont wait until the last minute for fire brigade prayer sesions

    • tgal

      September 17, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      haha hahah, the same happened to me oh, as my mom did not allow me rest I sent her 4 names. fake names of non existent people and her pastor saw a vision that one of them was my husband. After I had a good laff, I told her that her pastofr na SCAM.

    • A.D

      September 21, 2014 at 12:47 am

      This same topic has been on my mind lately. Mehn, I think y’all should see this

    • G

      October 10, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      True I learn t Jesus Christ is your personal Lord and Savior. Meeting some dubious pastors , i began to doubt myself and direction. So I fell on the phase on being dependent on man aka pastors. Lord has delivered me and am on the route of not, seeking any man of God for direction or blessings or praying or interceding for me.

  4. Koffie

    September 17, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    God would have to tell me the same thing before I can decide. The thing is this, many of us (I’m still struggling too) do not consult God on small decisions so to say and suddenly we want to hear Him on the biggest decision of our lives; marriage. This is why some people would by themselves pray about their spouse, not hear anything and then Pastor/Prophet/Alfa is saying “God said this n that” and then they just take his word for it cos God didn’t kukuma reply when they had asked themselves. In the light of this, I decided to start PERSONALLY seeking God on seemingly little things as a way of getting used to His voice. This way, when Mr. Right and the time comes, I’d recognise God’s voice on the matter.
    Another thing is that most times, its good to let others pray along with you as one may be blinded by her feelings and all. So I’m not ruling out the visions of others but if we develop a close friendship with God, know His voice, put Him first all the time, we wouldn’t necessarily need a prophet to validate our relationship when we already feel God’s validation.
    I hope Lanre prays more about it cos this one that Aunty Kelly had to come and tell her of her own pastor’s vision ehn. E get kleg small but then again, what do I know

    • Que

      September 17, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Ha Koffie, if my sis reads your comment she’ll think its me o….I gave her these exact lines over the weekend….. we believe God is to be saved for the big stuff only….. very wrong!
      The only thing I’ll add is a principle I know that doesnt fail….. once you have established a consistent rship with God and hear from him….. now occassionally u may have doubts, but the principle of witnessing is how God confirms his words…’…at the mouth of two or three …’ he will confirm his word… if you have doubts about the message you’re getting, ask him to confirm it…. Now this is when other parties in the form of friends/family/spiritual guides etc come in…. ask one or 2people to pray with u if u want to…. He will use people connected to you somehow to get across… it may take time, but it doesnt fail…

      MzChizzy you cant blame alfa or whoever for breaking them up after 5years, if the Lanre felt so strongly about God’s opinion to begin with she should have done her due diligence in the yr 1 and 2 you proposed. At such a stage pls just go marry if u wish n pray for grace…

      Lastly many people believe they will rather hear for themselves than pastor/relative/friend or what not telling them… truth is that everyone has ears so of course you can hear if u put in the time and effort to build that capacity…. but some people carry a prophetic calling….if you know one of such in your circle, and out of forming ‘DIY’ ‘ u resist enlisting their help to join u as u inquire….na u dey make ur tory long I tell u! Not everything will come directly to you.

    • JustSaying

      September 20, 2014 at 6:36 am

      Haha, you said it all…Can I double like your comment.

      I personally believe the issue of marriage or whom God say I should marry is not a joke. But like Koffie said, it start from little things (like God telling to eat something else instead of what u want to eat, wearing scalf or even take umbrella even when it is forecast it won’t rain…they all matters a lot). From some stuff like that, he can tell you what to do about marriage.

  5. Godwillrevealthetruth

    September 17, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Truth be told this is a difficult situation…But I believe God specks and when he does its for our good but honestly if its true that this lady sh’dn’t marry this man then shd he also reveal it to the lady herself or can’t he reveal it to other more people for it to be confirmed because if its e Lord’s spirit it can reveal to more people the same thing….advice your friend to pray hard, be patient and wait on the Lord its better than rushing decision/making a choice…bse if its the true God,my God, the God of Abraham,Isaac and Jacob, he will reveal the truth…

  6. lawsmart

    September 17, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    In as much i so much believe in God’s revelation, i don’t like the idea of man of God telling someone that this is your wife or this not your is not in his position to do the book of genesis when God brought Eve to Adam,it was Adam that saw Eve and identified her as his wife,not even God,but God created Eve in Adam’s likeness,this is to say that every man has to identify his wife himself.when God created Eve He did not say Adam this is your wife,it was Adam that identified her as the flesh of his flesh.ever before eve was created,other animal were there,trees,fishes,every other living creatures were there, and Adam never found satisfaction on any of them until he saw in my own opinion any person who has been in a good and healthy relationship between three-four years, you don’t need a visionist to tell you that this is your better half.what you need to do is to pray hard so as to avoid the works of the wicked ones.only when you ill need to seek the advice of your pastor or a counsellor is when you are in trouble,without that,seek the face of God yourself.

  7. funbaby

    September 17, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    pls my people the best is to have a personal relationship with your God. God speaks to His own you don’t have to go through any pastor. before venturing into a relationship you should seek the face of God first not after putting in 5 years and then you come and ask God if you made the right decision. Does a plane leave the airport without knowing its destination?
    My advise is pray and receive direction, I mean clear direction before making any decision


    September 17, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    I’m not even going to mince words, I. Do. Not. Want. To. Hear. Anything. From. Anyone. Pastor. Alfa. Reverend. Soothsayer. Whatever. I’m just not interested. Been too many times and I can categorically say that they cause more harm than good. Please if you know the God in who’s image you were created and you believe in Him, then surely you must know He is your father. Why must you have a go-between?
    With the major decisions I’ve made in my adult life, especially the best ones, I sought God’s face and His voice, on my knees, with my own mouth and my own tears and I heard Him speak with my own ears. I do not need anybody telling me this and that and confusing the vision I have for myself and my future.
    It’s like my mum says, can you go to a juju priest and he will tell you that you have no problem? If there is no problem then he must formulate one and tell you about it. Same thing with most “pastors”. That marks the beginning of you chasing your own tail. Eeeishhh. This topic has got me so riled up.
    Now I’m not ruling out the power in genuine prophecy, but seeing as there are no marks on a person’s head telling me who is real and who isn’t, I’d rather just go to God on my own.

  9. pretti

    September 17, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    well to me know, except i find it out my self exactly what the pst told me.

  10. Nice

    September 17, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Mz Chizzy,

    Prov 29:18 says where there is no vision, the people perish. . Numbers 12:6 says I the Lord will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream.

    1. Marriage is not a date or relationship. You can wake up tomorrow and break up with your bf/gf but you cant wake up and say you want to divorce. Even with strong evidence in court of law, it takes a while to dissolve – not a days job. Being an eternal journey, it is necessary for you to ask and inquire from God in to this life decision of yours. As you enter, you don enter am o for life, till death do you part. Therefore it is necessary for you to inquire.

    2. Visions are God’s way of instructing and directing us. Ability to see into the future from now.

    3. It is not only pastors/alfas that can or should see visions, we all as sons and daughters should see but because we are lazy spiritually, we cant pray ourselves and our spiritual eyes and ears blocked cos of carnality/worldliness, that is why many run to pastors for prayers/vision. If you can do it yourself, why not?

    4. You need to know there are different kinds of visions, from God, from the devil or what is termed as manipulation. When there is a vision, the first thing to do is to discern if its from God or a manipulation. Lanre’s own could be a manipulation

    5. concerning your question, why didnt he see it one/two years into their dating? why a week to the wedding? The reason being that you never asked/inquired till that period. Many are moved by the bling bling and start a relationship without inquiring from God. If you wait till then, then its left to you.

    6. Lastly, it is not everyone you can marry, no matter how good the person is. If you marry a guy that all the women he married in his life died, you think you will escape it? there is a curse on him and even if you escape it(cos there is nothing prayer cant do), would you prefer to go carry a brand new car or a car you have to take to the mechanic everyday for repairs? In some ladies family, none of them ever gets pregnant. None of her sister is, would you advise your brother to marry that type of lady even without praying about it?

    Hope i answered you?

    • Que

      September 17, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Nos 2-5…gbam!

  11. pretti

    September 17, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    sorry i mean no until i find out myself

  12. victim of 'vision'

    September 17, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    have been a victim of these so called ‘visionary pastors’ RME. I was in a relationship for about six years and when we started talking about getting very serious,hey presto!its the mother and sister heading to one pastor to check out my compatibility with their son. Long story short,pastor ‘found out’ we’ll not be compatible and that was six years down the drain. Most of these pastors don’t see anything and just say whatever they like(or maybe he was asked by them to say what he said,I don’t know). As a Catholic,I’ll stick to my church and priests. That is vision enough for me.

  13. wunmi

    September 17, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Mehnnnnn I don seek God face tire still nothing. I agree with a lot of people about the personal revelation I’d rather God reveals to me than through someone else but it gets really tough & frustrating when you are getting older and still no validation from God. Maybe its in that frustration that we turn to pastors. I don’t know maybe there’s something about me & God but I don’t ever hear his voice. I try so HARD; pray hard & even strive to live right yet I don’t get a clear definite response about intentions. It would be really nice if I could hear his voice. I’ve heard people share about hearing God’s voice and I envy them; its the best thing that can happen to anyone. Nothing beats hearing from God himself. Koffie I’d prolly try your strategy of letting God in on the small stuffs lets see if he comes through for me on the big stuffs

    • nike

      September 17, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Hey wunmi, Mayb you should just start worshipping Nd dont talk. Listen to worship music and just think of him. Make it intimate.

    • Theresa

      September 17, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      I understand Wunmi, but God sometimes doesn’t speak like we think. He gave us common sense to guide us, He gave us His Holy Spirit who gives us peace about a decision. And He longs to guide us, after all He desires the best for us, He is the loving father with a mother’s heart who instituted marriage.

      I too was confused when I wanted to get married, my own mom advised against it on the basis of my fiance’s height. Even though my fiance, now husband didn’t meet all my criteria, especially the physical attributes, he was and is still very loving, caring and helpful. I didn’t have that rush or ‘butterfly in the tummy’ feeling either.

      So I did what I could. I prayed about it and had peace that he was the right one, I never had that peace with my ex. I wrote his pros and cons and realised his pros were weightier than his cons. I spoke to a cousin who encouraged me not to dwell on irrelevant issues such as height when the man had a good character, was hardworking, feared God, was respectful to me and others, was loving, etc.

      Back to the topic, even if a clergyman handpicks a spouse for you, marriage is hardwork. Falling in love is different from being in love, it takes a conscious acts of commitment, unselfishness, kindness, humility/forgiveness, love etc to make marriage work. Marriage like parenting will stretch and try you, but will bring out the best in you if you allow it.
      Marriage is beautiful, I am a witness!

    • Ruby

      September 17, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Please permit me to recommend a book. ( I will assume the permission was granted #smiles). Read Joyce Meyer’s “How to Hear From God’. It will help alot. #hugs

    • chu

      September 18, 2014 at 12:36 pm

      I feel you babe, it took me so long to be able to hear and recognize God’s voice cos I’m used to second guessing everything. But I learnt that God speaks to everyone in different ways, some its a clear audible voice, to some its a word from the bible, to others its a nudging in the spirit. I would also like to recommend Kenneth Hagin’s book-‘How to be led by the Spirit of God’ Read a lot on it and be still. God is very willing to speak to you, in fact more willing than you are to hear.
      For me how I knew God’s voice was that after analyzing everything and second guess all my decisions, I listen to the one my spirit nudges me towards, when I try to be stubborn it just gently nudges me back and I feel no peace till I do it. That was how I chose my husband and that was the best decision I ever made.
      It took me years of trying to understand God’s voice but I finally got it.

    • OmoBaba

      September 20, 2014 at 7:06 am

      I personally believe God speaks but it’s either we are not listening.

      For instance, when a child ask a dad for something they expect response (could either be positive or negative). From someone who is trying to hear God more, I have understand that God is no author of confusion (as the Bible says). However, you can listen to messages or reads books on how to listen to God. I am sure if you pray about it & he sees your sincere heart, he’d surely speak.

      Other thing, You must know that he speaks through various ways too (his words, song, even conversation with people, etc) You just need to be extremely attentive. When he speaks you can learn to obey (because what’s the point of a parent aka God speaking and you don’t obey).

      May God bless you & speak to you xx

    • toby

      September 20, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      you hear the voice of God every day but you just don recognize it. Hearing God does not necessary mean hearing Him talk to you as we see in Nolly wood movies. you can hear from God while meditating on His words. Remember it is His word, He is still saying it. Before i got married, i asked God for three signs which He confirmed so you can also ask for signs. You can also hear from God from our day to day living. Just watch carefully you begin to recognize His voice. Shalom

  14. Vivadrew

    September 17, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    I’d rather pray and ask God for His divine guidance and wisdom than seek the face of man (Pastor, alfa, abia ibok etc) who would end up giving me cardiac arrest by saying ” Ekaette, that man you are walking is notu your manu”. mbok, I cant cry!

  15. Miss Pee

    September 17, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    If you’re a christian, I’m not saying the religious ticking on documents and regular church goer, someone who acts, behave and everything Christ, then you should be able to discern every spirit to know if they are of God.
    I had a recent experience, I told God I will give out my beaded designs to people He places in my heart to give, I’ve done that but I’m not getting much harvests as it’s supposed, I talked to someone about it, immediately I told her, mind you I didn’t mention the part of giving out my beaded designs to her, she just told me the Holy Spirit says you should give your designs out, sow them as a seed. If I had not had a conviction within me, I would have doubted it, immediately I knew I was at the right track. As my Pastor will always say, “It’s Not A luxury To Hear From God”.

    • Miss Pee

      September 17, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      ‘I was on’ not at

    • Que

      September 17, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      And that my dear is called Witnessing.

  16. NaijaPikin

    September 17, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    I don’t go to any man for anything. Why bother when I can go straight to God with my needs. If I need people to pray for and with me, I go to my fam or friends (people I trust).

    Too many fakes out there, i just can’t be bothered with pastor this, pastor that

  17. Amy

    September 17, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    My boyfriend of 9months recently proposed to me(it was a private dinner, just the two of us., no drama biko). We got talking about fixing a date for meeting my people and the introduction proper. I told him I needed him to come and see my pastor. Now, babe is not a very religious person(he had a falling out with his pastor a while back) so he is very skeptical about men of God. Anywas, I sha begged him and he finally agreed. Now, the reason I wanted him to meet my pastor was not so that the pastor can see vision or prophesy about the impending marriage(I have been with him for nine months, I have seen the needed “vision” thank you). I just wanted to introduce him to my pastor so he could pray with us. On getting to church and introducing babe to pastor, the kind of counselling and advice he gave us ehnn, even babe was touched. He later said if he knew how good a counselor my pastor was, he would have followed me to church earlier. My pastor calls me regularly, prays for us, gives us spiritual exercises to do and generally just admonishes us.

    What I am trying to say from the story above is that the role of a pastor is to counsel, guide, admonish and pray WITH/FOR any young couple who comes to him with intentions of marriage and not for him to be seeing visions and giving false prophecies. If my pastor had done that,. God knows that would be the last time I would set foot in church again.
    Two weeks ago, momcy said I should bring babe’s picture let her go to the pastor that saw my sister’s husband. for her. I blatantly refused. She begged, cajoled and even insulted me but i did not budge before `someone will dream dreams and see visions and my 9months of hard work will go down the drain.

    • Nice

      September 17, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Just a quick one Amy,

      You said the role of a pastor is to counsel, guide, admonish and pray WITH/FOR any young couple who comes to him with intentions of marriage and not for him to be seeing visions and giving false prophecies..

      What if God tells him anything at that moment, he shouldn’t tell you?

      People just love to heap unto themselves pastors that will sweet talk them or tell them what they wanna hear. My strong opinion is that since you said up there that you have seen all the visions- no need for any other, why did you have to go to him?
      Prayers for what again? Prayer that it should go well irrespective of whatever God is saying?

      Its mum that has time bothering you o as if its to her benefit. Na to just get married to your babe that concerns you, the future of you both together doesn’t matter to you right?

      claps for you

    • Amy

      September 17, 2014 at 10:32 pm

      I’m sure you go to church and you have a pastor who you submit yourself spiritually to. I go to my past to pray with me. incase you haven’t heard its called agreement prayer. If God were to reveal something to my pastor, he(God) is not an author of confusion. I have a good relationship with him and I am sure he will reveal it to me too.

      In as much as I don’t owe you any explanations, like you pointed out its my life and not my moms. At my age, I know what I want in life. I don’t need my mom to go to a pastor to help me see my future. My future is settled in Christ already. I regularly ask God for the spirit of discernment and if there is something he wants me to know, he will help me discern it. I don’t need a man of God to see visions for me. My advice to you is to build up your relationship with God and believe me, you won’t need all this visions and what not. What you would only need is confirmation of what God has already revealed to you.

  18. busybee

    September 17, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    I’ve also been a victim of this. With a pastor telling me that my ex was great for me and if we didn’t end up together things will be bad for me. Dude and I broke up and things have been great in my own life. Not getting married to him is one of the best decisions I have ever made. If you have allowed any of such people to speak prophesies into your life, you have the power to reject evil/false visions and prophesies that have been spoken about you.


    Let God show me or I’m going with what makes the most logical sense at that point in times.

  19. swoona

    September 17, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    Vision…… after growing up in a white garment church, I grew up with the mentality of getting the pastors approval on everything you do. I realized too late that they tell you what you to hear. if a man of God tells you something that God said, thats kool, however when you start looking, you will find. when i was going to get married. i was told he was the one.
    when i realized a broken marriage is better than a broken life, i was told why did i marry him, he wasnt the one for me. you hear different stories from different prophets. Personally I have decided to get closer to God, let him talk to me directly or through the sermon. I cant shout……..

  20. wunmi

    September 17, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    How do know without a doubt that God is the one talking,? Not our desires or emotions but actually God? How does God talk to us? A friend who is happily married now shared with me that the 1st time she saw her hubby she knew he was the one; she said she felt it in her spirit. She had prayed about it prior to their meeting so when she saw him she just knew. I begin to wonder how does that happen to one person and not another? Not to blow my own trumpet but I’m not the worse person on earth I really do try to get it right with God but still don’t hear him clearly. Please BN friends I’d really love to get advice on how to hear God speak. I’ve read books, fasted, prayed still no show o.

    • Que

      September 17, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      Nne I dont know what different books say, but I believe the bottomline of hearing is first identifying how you communicate and understand best…. in my experience, God speaks to you in your ‘language’ I.e. forms of communication that you most often use and are more likely to understand…. for some its verbal, others is visual, or even a specific language…. mine is largely visual…only once have I heard a verbal word and it was in igbo another written one, also in igbo; another time I had a message about a French colleague sure enough I was given a french word along with his face(the colleague) appearing to me…thank God for google translate cos I got it…. Other times too, its a repeated/stubborn nudging pushing you in certain directions, and only when I obey do I eventually understand why. …sometimes I can randomly stumble on a particular theme/message for several times in a day or even repeatedly over weeks….once it keeps catching my attention like that, I start digging…. starting with d scriptures…. and I go wherever it leads.

      You rightly observed the desires and emotions have their way of confusing you, sure…. thats what fasting and engaging a prayer mate is for… (in this instance is joining with someone neutral who feels your issue)… Sometimes I pray about something, and say a while later a friend comes to say she had a dream bout me, and when they describe it, it seems very random to them, but makes perfect sense to me… point is, if for some reason you’re not hearing directly, best believe that he will use people connected to you, mostly to confirm something he might have shown you, but you’re confused about.

      In all these, you must understand that God knows you best….he will communicate at your level…. in big AND small things (we often underestimate the small issues-(but hearing on such little things are what builds confidence about how he communicates with you)! There are times when I know for certain what a message means, and there are times when the message might be clear but at that point in my life it doesnt make sense, so I document all these…and I often find that at a future date it comes together….I’ve learnt not to be so anxious bout the ones I dont understand yet and I just pray not to miss it when the time is ripe.

      I recommend documenting any experience cos you cant rmbr everything, so if things happen you have reference point, and its a continuous process…we’re always learning aren’t we?

      Sorry for the epistle.

    • Osan

      September 17, 2014 at 9:50 pm

      Hello Wunmi,
      God talks to us all, some of us just have not been taught how to hear from Him. I followed the following steps, and for about 11 years now, I can say I hear from Him clearly. (I still misunderstand things sometimes though, but the written God is our guide)

      1stly-Get the word of God into your Spirit continuously. The word of God in the bible is God talking to you. Listen to messages. Get messages from Kenneth E. Hagin for example. They have a free online podcast on iTunes. Listen to the messages on how to hear from God. When you hear a voice that tells you anything contrary to what is in the BIBLE, that’s not God, Because His spirit (the voice we hear), bears witness with the word. He will never tell you anything contrary to His written word.

      2nd-If you have not received the Holy Spirit. Say this simple prayer. Spirit of the Living God, you have already bee given to me according to Jn14. I receive you into my Spirit right now in Jesus name and I will speak in other tongues.

      3rd-Pray daily, even if it’s 10mins, and always thank the Lord for His Spirit whom you have received with the evidence of speaking in tongues. (even if you are not yet physically speaking, faith calls those things that be not as though they were). Eventually, one day, you will find that as you open your mouth to thank God, you would speak in other tongues. This is exactly how I stared praying in tongues.

      4th & final-Speaking in other tongues is very vital in hearing from the holy spirit. It clears up our ‘spiritual ears- that is our hearts’,so that we can hear clearly what the spirit of God is saying. But be sure to get the word of God in your spirit abundantly, this way, you can judge what you hear, whether its of God or of the devil.

    • to wunmi

      September 17, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      hi wunmi, i know how you feel.. dont you forget that communication involves listening. sometimes, be still and listen to God. play some gospel music and really pay attention. be calm and have faith. God will surprise you.secondly, like someone said earlier, pray for the holy spirit, invite him into your everyday life. every single step or action you make, however seemingly small, let the holy spirit in. you will definitely notice a change.
      finally, you could read Joyce Meyer’s knowing God intimately. that book changed my life.
      il be praying for you. God will surprise you. God bless.

    • Jamce

      September 20, 2014 at 2:18 am

      The starting point in hearing from God is His word in the Bible, submission and obedience to His word. His Spirit dwells in those who love and obey Him wholeheartedly. When sin is our hearts it blocks our relationship with and hearing from God. How do you expect God to speak to one who has already gone into a relationship and engages in illicit sex (aka fornication)? At that point you have disobeyed God and “joined yourselves”. There is nothing for God to say at such moments and times. But because He is gracious, He can stir your spirit unto repentance and restoration of your relationship with Him. Then He can speak and you can hear him. Jesus says my sheep knows my voice. Are you a sheep of Jesus?

  21. Confusedmuch

    September 17, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    This is exactly what I am going through. My guy is Igbo, I am mum n everybody has gone to one soothsayer or the other. Dey are all saying the same thg. That everythg ll be fine in the beginning, but his tradition ll break us up. My mum so believes in this, dat she is vehemently opposing the relationship. I love this guy n he loves me right back. Treats me like am made of egg. He has also proposed. Am stuck. Wat do I do? leave him n hope my own husband will come as the pastors n alfas n sorts have said. Or call their bluff n be happy even though I don’t know wat the future holds.

    • Easy n Gentle

      September 17, 2014 at 8:32 pm

      Dear confusedmuch

      I wish there was a general one answer fits all for your question. All commenters have mentioned about how they proudly went against advice and how great there life is turning out. The ones whose life aren’t turning great might just not be on BN.See, there is no smoke without fire. There won’t be fakes if there were no original.

      The only question to ask is, is yours original? Do they have a track record before now? Only you can determine that answer. It would be sad to have been told before hand only for it to manifest before your very eyes.

      That said, you can go ahead in faith. Bi eni tiri ola kori be, l’omu babalawo d’ifa ojojumo ( for the non Yoruba speakers, every day is different is why the juju man consults his oracle everyday). Prayer changes things, this much I believe. The prediction might be true today but with prayer, a pure heart and hard work, you might overcome. Perhaps immerse yourself in his culture, discard yours to reduce the risk of it happening.

      Ultimately, the decision is yours. Only you can truly find the answer to this.

    • Sem

      September 18, 2014 at 3:19 am

      Hello confused much…I understand how you are feeling…My sister back sometime liked this guy and she always asked God that she would like to marry him someday and even went as far as praying for it. She spoke to one of the prophets in my church who told her that the guy is not the right person for her and she felt very devastated and was down right sad…The guy eventually got married to someone else about a year after and sometime 7months into the guy’s marriage he was killed by a hit and run car and thats how his wife become a widow at such an early age. The second incident relates to me and this happened between my wife and I. While still dating my wife I prayed fervently to ensure that she was the one for me and I felt it in my spirit. I also got confirmation from the same prophet who prayed for my sister and he confirmed what my spirit told me. But my wife’s pastor prayed for her sometime back before we ever even met and he told her that her husband is coming very soon and his name is Sem (I dont wanna write my full name) and just like a skeptic she brushed it off as gibberish. However, when I called her through a friend she wanted to freak out and we hit off straight away and today we are happily married…The point is there are real men of God who hear directly and vividly from God. Not all are fake however test all spirits. All the people who say they have ignored pastors may be correct and there pastors may be fake however there are some who have said the truth and it has panned out…Pray to God to direct you and do not completely disregard men of God afterall Paul came after Jesus and was hearing from God and revealing visions to different churches…May the Lord direct you…

    • Damochi

      September 24, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      I know a lady to whom it was prophesied…..if you dont get pregnant before you get married, you will never have children. Well, fast forward 10+ something years and she has two lovely kids (by choice). Talk to God yourself and if He says go ahead pray for your marriage likenever before. We always forg e t that just as the Lord has plans for our lives so does the devil! The vision anybody sees is dependent on the spirit he or she yeilds to. And so, when I am given a p rophecy or word that. I know is contrary to God’s will for me I not only reject it I pray vehemently again s t it! As far as im concerned ive be I ng privileged into seeing the enemy’s plan f or me…..I deal wi t h it…..move on!

  22. sum1special

    September 17, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    But how do you know or what are the signs when God reveals a partner to you or says your partner isn’t the right person? please people who have gone through this encounters should give me an answer. Thank you. Will be waiting.

    • Prince

      September 17, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      Hearing from God begings with u having a relationship( fellowship) with Him by worshiping,studying and meditating on the word often. Note dat as a christian, u ve d Holy Spirit in u. U ve 2 knw Him better by ur fellowship with d word of God and u ve 2b conscious of His presence and ministry in ur life.
      Jhn 16:13
      God speaks 2 u via his Spirit and His word. D more u fellowship with Him, d more ur spirit becomes sensitive 2 His leading and guidance

    • Prince

      September 17, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      Sori “begins”

  23. Alma

    September 17, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    I can TOTALLY relate to this. As in totally! But i’ve moved on, let him marry his “visioners”.

  24. anonymous

    September 17, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    @confused,uch my case is similar to yours… the only difference is mine is genotype based and i’m a little older.. but trust me when i say no guy has ever treated me the way this guy has.. infact i just understood the word Love.. now on his part prayers were made and they said beginning would be fine but something tragic would happen and it won’t be favorable… i was like hmmm…. told mum oya u sef go pray and witheld the first prayer response from her. now parents on both sides are not yet ware of the age difference and genotype. just i and bae… fingers. arms and legs are crossed

    • Osan

      September 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      When it comes to genotype, its better you walk away my dear, really, its not worth it, please.

    • The_medic

      September 20, 2014 at 9:56 am

      I think if it’s based on genotype it’s just best to count your losses and move on, nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing your child suffer crises after crises, hospital after hospital, or see your child die, right then the love you had before dies. Especially when it’s a 25% chance that each child would have the disease, nothing heartbreaking than having 3 out of 3 children become sicklers and 2 dying, imagine the agony. I know people talk about faith, but to me the faith must change my genotype now before I get married and not after. I’m a medical student and have seen innocent kids suffering all manner of sickle cell complications (please google them) and I think it’s downright selfish of their parents if they knew their genotype prior to marriage. And the other option I’ve heard ppl use is expensive pre-natal diagnostic testing for the disease then aborting any baby that has it, that’s just inhumane to be married and aborting babies, just sick and unconscionable. I think it’s just best to do the right thing, not only for you and your partner but for the sake of your unborn children and the agony they will face. Thanks God grant you strength.

  25. ada

    September 17, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    I have a similar issue. I’m igbo and have a guy that is yoruba who wants to marry me but my mum is somewhat against it. She says she had a dream about a certain guy while praying for me but I no know the person. The person she assumed it was or assumes it is, is not even toasting me let alone marriage. I don’t know if its her opinion on the issue that is giving me doubts and not the peace everybody thinks one should have. I have prayed and asked God for direction but its still not clear. Sometimes I feel because I have somehow always put it in prayer whether aggressively or passively, if it wasn’t meant to be then God would dissolve it. I am still praying and fasting and trusting God for his guidance and direction. Many thanks @nice for the bible passages. @theresa thank you too for sharing.

  26. Dee baby

    September 17, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Seeking God’s face should be done even before you make the decision to start dating anyone for females and for males, before you step out to ask a girl out but we are caught up in the euphoria of physical feeling that we forget the most important thing until there comes a time to make a very serious decision. may God help us all!

  27. Omo Jaiyejaiye

    September 17, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    I was born in a white garment church and my pastor drums it in our ears that we should seek God’s decisions on our relationship, before we start dating d guy, He even advise that if u hv had sexual intercourse wiv a guy before seeking d spiritual aid, what will be seen is compatibility cos of d soul ties. It takes a strong man of God to see thru.
    I was once in a relationship dat I was told initially that it isn’t God’s plan for me, I didn’t listen, I fell in love and we started dating. What I experienced during d 5yrs of dating my mouth no go fit talk finish. I hv moved on bt I now knw better.

  28. kaycee

    September 17, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    most times we are wise in our own eyes and refuse to seek d face of d lord in most things and then we run back to him when things start crashing around us. There are genuine pastors and prophets that can pray and tell u the right thing u may not want to hear but if u go against their advise u will reap d reward or consequences by urself. W e are usually caught up with physical attraction and material wealth, which beclouds our judgement but an unbiased prophet or pastor will reveal d mind of God to u concerning that marriage

  29. Osan

    September 17, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    I do not mean to sound cheeky.
    But If you are making out with some one you are not married to and asking God to show/speak to you as to whether or not someone is your spouse, I hope you know, you are kidding yourself.

    • OmoBaba

      September 20, 2014 at 7:25 am

      Haha, preach sister!!!!!!!!!

  30. Tamidee

    September 18, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Why i understand that its best one seek God’s face personally, and not through pastors, prophets and all….I still believe its not one size fits all situation. Let me give me two examples. One of which was my personal experience and the other one happened to my cousin. I will try to make it as brief as i can.

    My Story- Had my first bobo in my 4th year in the university and of course then….love dey do gragra..One day my mum said she wanted to see the pastor for something important. We both decided to enter the pastor’s house together and just after my mum finished discussing with the pastor…the pastor just turned to me and said “If you need a relationship, the person you are dating right now isnt the guy”. I dismissed it with a shrug knowing how much i love the guy and how he does too( at least that was what i thought) plus i had sought God’s face before i decided to go ahead in the relationship. I was convinced that i was with the right guy and at some point , i was suspecting my mummy….knowing full well that my mum had her reservations about the guy and she probably asked the pastor to systematically tell me not to go ahead. 7 months down the line, i realized i had been brainwashed. Needless i say it was the worst relationship i ever had.

    My Cousin’s Story- She felt in love with a guy( she clearly heard from God to go ahead) and her parents vehemently opposed the relationship. Her parents reasons were based on what a pastor told them- The guy was not a christian, he used to be a cult guy, my cousin will never give birth, The guy will die young,…blablablabla.. Eventually my cousin got married without her parents consent and 8 years down the line…their marriage is waxing stronger and stronger with 3 adorable kids. Her husband worships the ground she walks and she tells me she has no regrets whatsoever going against her parents.

    My point is this- sometimes we feel we are wise in our own eyes, sometimes we are more concerned about how much efforts we have put into the relationship that when genuine pastors try to tell us otherwise, we label them as being fake… we feel they are against our happiness but in actual fact its all for our good. Personally, i wish i had listened to the pastor then at least i would have saved myself of the heartbreaks but because i was beclouded by my own emotions…i dismissed it. My cousin’s decision to go ahead with the marriage as being the best decision ever..Imagine if she had gone with her parents..

  31. Grown woman

    September 18, 2014 at 8:14 am

    These days its hard to trust poeople as in there are some Man of God who can easily mislead you.I believe if you want answers, its best to consult God directly and listen to your heart.When God says yes, nobody can say no 🙂 🙂

  32. Lola

    September 18, 2014 at 9:26 am

    A good man of God will counsel you, pray with you and encourage you to hear from God yourself. Even if he sees anything, he will not tell you unless God speaks or reveal to you. He may only confirm. The Spirit is one and cannot lie

  33. wunmi

    September 18, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Thank you my wonderful BN Family for all your priceless advice. Especially to Que, Osan & To Wunmi. @ Que it wasn’t an epistle I read ALL of it and it made mega sense, I will definitely start documenting my experiences & be more attentive so I can recognize when the spirit is speaking. @ Osan Thank you I will grow in my study of God’s word & pray consistently. My prayer life has been a bit shaky of late. @ To wunmi thank you so very much sweetie especially for deciding to pray for me. God bless you plenty and Amen for the lovely prayers said for me. I feel blessed.

  34. Chu

    September 18, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    I believe you are the first prophet over your life. You should be able to hear God’s voice, then go to your pastor for confirmation, not putting all the work in your pastor’s hands. A man of God is first of all a man, if you are close to the pastor, he might have his idea of what a perfect spouse would be and cam see based on that ideology. However if you do not have a strong relationship with God while I counsel that you grow one, you can seek counsel from a Genuine man of God.
    I know of a lady that took her fiance to her pastor to pray, all he told her was to go on a 3 day prayer and fasting. Afterwards she went to her fiance’s house without giving notice only to see him sniffing cocaine. Suffice to say that was the end of the relationship.
    If we just allow ourselves to listen to the Spirit and not allow ‘love’, desperation to cloud us, we would know the will of God. My pastor used to say why enter a relationship for fun? From the beginning you should know that you can marry this man, not that you discover you can’t after investing years into the relationship.

  35. mercy ogechukwu

    September 18, 2014 at 4:38 pm


  36. to wunmi

    September 18, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    you are very welcome dear, we are all a work in progress.
    came across this article today and i thought of you

  37. anon

    September 21, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    Victim! Dated a man for 2 years not knowing that his father has already gone to their alfa. And the alfa said no. Because of the love he had for me, he never mentioned it to me until the pressure from his dad and the alfa got out of control. He called me and told me. This was almost the 3rd year. ….. well, that was actually God speaking to me cos I am a Catholic and can not be with a muslim. Pls ladies, don’t let love make you close your eyes to salient facts in a relationship. The fact that he went through with what the alfa predicted without saying we should pray together and all that was enough reason for me to run far away.

  38. chic

    September 24, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    i am of the opinion that no one can pray for you ,more than you can pray for yourselves.sometimes we relegate our responsibilities of prayers to our pastors.
    in as much as they are spiritual guides the bible says in the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses let every word be established.if your pastor gives you an opinion have you prayed ?God speaks to us oo.ama just saying …when it comes to marriage you better hear from God yourself many people have missed it becos they listened to d wrong counsel.

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