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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: No Strength For Fight

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Convincing my parents that I NEEDED glasses was very difficult. It was believed that I only wanted it as a fashion accessory and so I wasn’t getting them. My pleas fell on deaf ears, and every term I returned to school finding ways to adjust to my rapidly worsening astigmatism. I resigned myself to having to copy someone else’s notes because I could never see the board from where I was sitting. It was a bad time; to make matters worse, I started losing friends.

I was waving at you when you were walking towards the Intro-Tech Lab and you carried face like you didn’t know me.

With some people, it was okay to just explain that that every face beyond 7 feet was just a blurry canvas.

For others, it was always fight.

How will you say you didn’t see me? Am I a pin?

You are such a snob.

You’re always waiting for someone to greet you first.

It was my indoctrination into people who were quarrelsome. There is no amount of explanation that is good enough for quarrelsome people. Attempting to explain yourself is tantamount to banging your head against a brick wall.

It takes a conscious effort to avoid quarrelsome people and the toxic relationships that come therefrom. However, in spite of your best intentions, these problems show up.

In some scenarios, you’ll be charting your own course and trouble will show up.

Angela runs into her old time classmate, Abigail at the mall. They greet each other and do a quick catch up. Then Angela, remembering that Abigail has a son,  says “How is your son? He must be a big boy now.”  Abigail responds with, “He’s fine. Thank you for asking.” Angela goes away thinking all is well… till she receives a text from Abigail “My son has a name. It is David. I’d rather you not ask for him if you can’t make the effort to show you genuinely care.”

Ah! The issue of forgetting people’s children’s names is a serious one amongst Nigerians. After getting in Angela’s type of trouble more than once, I decided to use the blanket expression ‘How is the family?’ There’s no way I’ll remember your child’s name if we’re not spending an inordinate amount of time together, so why am I being called out because I don’t remember the name? It’s even worse now that modern day parents name their kids ‘Oluwaseunbabarafunmilayeyi’.

Why do you have to quarrel with me because I didn’t remember your child’s name?

Why do we have to quarrel over any, and everything?
In a world plagued with sorrow, anguish and wickedness, do you really need to quarrel over the fact that someone took the last portion of Indomie noodles in the pot? Sometimes, just breathe and find an alternative to quarrelling and making an issue out of everything.

As much as I understand that some things can be extremely painful – we’re humans and we expect to be accorded the kind of respect that we give – however, I believe that if you take a few minutes to think about the perceived wrong doing, you can work your way through it.

Not every time vex, vex vex! Some time… just shrug and focus on that which isn’t grinding your gears. Your cousin called your girlfriend fat? Your brother’s girlfriend called your husband by his first name? Your driver forgot to bring out the goat meat from the car? Your pastor didn’t acknowledge your 1 million Naira donation to the building fund?

Keep calm and just breathe!

Life is too short to blow a fuse over any and every situation.

Honestly!

Okay sermon over. What are some of the most ridiculous things you’ve gotten angry over. No shame in admitting mine was one portion of hot spiced Indomie noodles I’d prepared after 3 hours of commute from Lekki to Oshodi. Only to get back from my shower and find out someone had eaten it. I’m sure the gasket of my brain blew that night. If I had calmed down I’d have saved myself the headache that ensued after plenty screaming. Another plate would have been ready in 5 minutes.

What’s the most ridiculous thing someone has quarrelled with you over? “You didn’t greet my aunty when we walked past her at the airport”. Really dude? Really?

Have a calm week ahead. Smile, eat healthy, and be happy.

Peace, love & cucumber slices.

Toodles!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jason Stitt

 

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

85 Comments

  1. fluffycutething

    November 10, 2014 at 10:53 am

    LOL so many scenarios of these now famous quarrels playing in my head. I quarreled with a friend for not informing me she was leaving town till after she arrived her destination. Looking back now… what was my own sef? 😀

    • [email protected]

      November 10, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      Me too, i was upset when my bestie bought a car and didn’t inform me, it was her brother who told me…..i was sooo upset, that she even thought of buying a car, went ahead and bought it and didnt bother to mention it… Omo see me sparking n vexing big time. it hurt the more cause i tell her everything

  2. Monisola

    November 10, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Ha ha ha.
    It’s been years I heard intro tech lab…… Good Old memories
    Some people are naturally endowed to quarrel on the most minute thing, no matter how best you try to explain, or talk your way out of it.
    I have similar experience in high school, given my mild cross eye- strabismus, some friends were lost cos they think I saw them in public and ignored them when I didn’t, just my eyes doing its own thingy.
    My facial expression didn’t help matters sometimes either cos I easily wear my emotions on my face, that doesn’t seat well with many either.
    Oh well, am with you, we need more love than hatred in our world.

    Like You said
    “Keep calm and just breathe!
    Life is too short to blow a fuse over any and every situation.”

    Have a Great week.

    • Ada Nnewi

      November 10, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      I know you moni…lol…#intro tech lab, cross-eyed#..dead give away

  3. TANTRA

    November 10, 2014 at 11:06 am

    The 2 most ridiculous things someone quarreled with me over
    a) my friend’s husband quarreled with me simply because his wife told him we were quarreling. He had to support the wife in the fight against Tantra. As soon as we made up, he also made up with me. His quarrel was ridiculously childish that even when I came to their house, he refused to give me face nor acknowledge my greeting. I asked my friend what was going on with her man. She said, “okay, let me go and tell him that we are no longer quarreling”.
    b) my girlfriend shunned and snubbed me in public. I couldn’t remember offending her. I let her be. When I probed further after some hours, she told me that she was going through her phone and reread a text message I sent to her 2 months earlier.

    • TA

      November 10, 2014 at 11:22 am

      @ Tantra, What!!! After 2 months, she come read am start the vex all over again. Waoh! Some people have time sha.

    • Ivy

      November 10, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      As in ehhh! Excess time on their hands mehn. Two months old message, vexing for the past.
      I remember when an ex told me he cheated on me few months before, i was mad but not so much because to me the worse thing is not even cheating….it’s not telling me that u fucked up. After my ex told me, of course i was mad but i warned him seriously and forgave cuz let’s face it….y i go they carry grudge for something wey don pass?

    • ekalor

      November 10, 2014 at 11:24 am

      My mouth is wide open please…..HUH!!!!!

    • Hian!

      November 10, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Mehn, you’ve got some kin friends sha

    • Abena

      November 10, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      You should have seen how i opened my mouth and laughed at the same time!say what?2 freaking what?!some people cant take a chill mehn..hahhaaha

    • Nife

      November 10, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Bwahahahahahahah

    • Berry Dakara

      November 10, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… she reread a 2-month old text?!?!?!? Looool, priceless!

      I think my most random cause of anger was dreaming that my then best friend annoyed, and when I woke up, I called him to give him a piece of my mind.

      *hides face* Maybe I was PMSing

      berrydakara.blogspot.com

    • notaplayerhater

      November 10, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      @ dakara, I do that for de hubs all the time…it’s a running joke between us now. I go dream say I see am with woman, den wake up from sleep begin para! After 3 to 4 hours of begging me, I go tell am say na dream! Thank God he’s such a great sport about it! He just makes a joke about me and my ‘Hissues’ lol

    • Raving

      November 10, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      (a) is hilarious!!

    • oma Oma

      November 10, 2014 at 10:34 pm

      Loool

  4. Vladmir

    November 10, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Insightful piece.

    Dear Atoke,
    Please, how do I send my article to your team? I want it posted.
    Thanks

  5. Personal Assistant

    November 10, 2014 at 11:24 am

    I am not really the quarrelsome type but if u chook hand for my mouth I must make sure say I bite am reach bone. So if there is a quarrel between me and someone, chances are the person is at fault. I am in a group chat on bbm. Its a group of some of us who finished secondary school in the same year. One particular girl invited me and I accepted her bbm invite. No hello, no chat, even my hello to her was not acknowledged. Only for me to use my rickety legs as my DP. This girl had the nerve to tell me “change that picture”. Like seriously? Lekwa num ikoro). I told this big head all there is to say. She deleted me, I find her go Facebook and continued from there. I purse her go the group chat. I let her no that it is not her body and its not my fault she is fat with multiple spare tires (I have nothing against fat people please except this girl)
    But then dem no dey use quarrel build house if not I will have a full city filled with mansions on top this girl matter.

    • B

      November 10, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Ah! Na wa o! I never ever want to vex u ooooooo!

    • great

      November 11, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      damn best comment ever……… lol. thanks 4 putting a smile on my face

  6. omoibo

    November 10, 2014 at 11:47 am

    One of the best stuff I’ve learnt over the years is NOT to sweat the small stuff. It’s easier said than done but with practice I’m getting better at it.
    As far the abrasive/ quarrelsome folks I avoid them with a 10 foot pole because some individual’s objective in life is that of unnecessary strife….

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that the small stuff is relative.

    • Magz

      November 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      thank u! the supposed big things do not make me angry but it is the little things that count

  7. Lil Biz

    November 10, 2014 at 11:55 am

    LOL!!! But seriously, you are so right. Nigerians can like to quarrel. I mean sometimes, you might feel hurt about certain things, but I’m definitely sure you can also over look them especially considering that no one is obliged to remember or know everything about you. And in cases where you feel you have to drive home a point, rather than make it look like a fight or a deliberate attempt by the “offending party” to hurt you, simply make your grievances known in the nicest forms. Eg Abigail could have just gone “Oh David? David is fine, he’s in primary 3 now (or whatever else) ” I mean, “He’s fine. Thank you for asking” sounds so concluding and cold. I wouldn’t even want to ask anything else, with such an answer.
    I had a quarrel with a neighbor (who obviously “used to” be a friend). Her grouse? She sent me messages via chat and I replied with just an OK. Now, earlier on in the day, I had called her line (and her husband’s), as I wanted to go over to theirs, but in my usual fashion, i needed to call them first. None of them picked their calls, n I called more than once. So she probably got back home, saw my missed calls n then sent the messages which went thus “hi, i just got back, saw ur missed calls, am so hungry mehn,” and i replied OK.

    About 3 days later, it was my sis bday and we were having a little something at home. At about midnight, said neb comes to our apt, with her lil son, greets everyone else, ignores me n comes to get food from the table whr I was serving, n I’m like, “hey what would u want, so I can serve you”, n she goes “***** I”m very angry with you, how can I send you 5 lines of message and all you reply me with is an Ok”, “who do you think you are” “that’s very insulting” bla bla bla…..and am just dere like ??????????????? Then she says she won’t be served by me, she must have the food herself, of course I wasn’t having any of that. You can’t come to my apt where I’ve served erry1 else n have things done ur way. Like play like play, this babe proceeded to fight me o. There were about 6 guys in my apt at the time, yet she fought me till her husby came to get her n her son (who was expectedly, crying already). It was so funny. Of course, that was the last of our friendship. I was so hurt n upset. I would never have expected such a behavior from her, I mean friends quarrel over stuff, but to go physical? because of an “OK” to some messages? Lol! that’s gangsterrrrrr

    Sometimes, people are either too bitter and try to get everyone else in on their bitterness, or they just feel so important and expect everyone around them to walk on egg shells…..(did i get that English correct? LOL)

  8. MO

    November 10, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Ahhhh! Can definitely see some similarities in our glasses story. The fight with parents, no father, having to explain that i really needed the glasses, in his books i didn’t really understand what it meant to use one or was probably doing so (as you said) thinking it’s a fashion item…then mum blew it all up by saying Mr. O’s daughter uses one and she is young too, so it became a “so you want to use glasses cos someone uses it, ehn?”, got it anyway after the struggle.

    And those people that believe you are too uptight and snobbish because they don’t understand and do not care to that you do not see anything beyond “7 feet”, i had them plenty and can’t spend my entire life explaining to such genre of individuals that i was short-sighted, i even had to develop the habit of waving back at any and every one who waves in my direction even if i wasn’t the one it was intended for to avoid any “i was waving at you in front of the department/at the market but you didn’t wave back” talk.

    Still on the same issue, i got mad at my friends for not reading out the test question written on the board to me, well do i blame them? The man said 10mins for a question that requires even more and they had to deal with my “read every line to me” before going on to answer the question but then they are friends and the least i expect from them is to have my back. Looking back i realise i could have walked up to the podium and do the writing there but was too shy to do that, so the blame is all on me, i think.

  9. mama ovie

    November 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    lol I love this article
    I realize as I grow wise I begin to cultivate habit of self control , I smile is the worst scenarios you can think of ,me nor get fighting power
    I have learnt that it wiser if you let things slide for peace sake and as time goes on your battles will then be few and victorious

  10. nammy

    November 10, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Am preparing to quarrel with my friend but it’s not yet ripe cos I rily want to say the right words – I was her chief bridesmaid at her wedding, I paid for my clothes nd we chose the style 2geda, she sewed a different style from what we chose and I still wore the clothes. She ordered shoes for me to wear for the wedding-which I paid for but something went wrong nd d shoes were not delivered, she called to inform me nd I told her we shld just use fine black heels, she insisted on searching for green shoes which was difficult to get given d late hour, she ended up buying me “HIDEOUS” green shoes which I wore just to mk her day. (And which il neva b caught wearing again). I ensured that the shoes did not appear in any pic we took by always hiding behind pple nd presenting only my face for the pics.
    I travelled 3 hours to attend her wedding, organized a wonderful shower for her, very wonderful, even got her hussy to do a video where I asked him some questions- about themselves, like how well does the couple know each other stuff-she was pleasantly surprised. After all these, all I got from my frnd was a bbm bc thank you msg. This msg was sent to all her frnds even those that didn’t attend d wedding. I think my anger is justified nd am still thinking of the best way to vent it.
    NB: I know I didn’t answer the question raised cos the question asked for ridiculous excuses to get angry, but I just needed to vent my anger.

    • derhmy

      November 10, 2014 at 1:24 pm

      sweetie u just have to let it go….sometimes our friends do these things..even sisters do it…when it involves stuff like wedding et al, theres a tendency to get caught up with yourself so much and even act a lil selfish…just take a deep breath and make d decision to forget it…its not that easy i know but u can! *HUGS*

    • ade

      November 10, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      what were you doing with such a friend before sef

    • D

      November 10, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Are you entitled to feeling upset/angry???.Well, the answer is yes because you are entitled to feeling the way you feel. Now to the crux of your spill you have listed all these great and wonderful things you did for your friend but the question I will put forward to you is WHY did you do it? What do I mean? did you do it for what you would get in return? that is, the thank yous or gifts or whatever??? . We have all heard the saying that we should not give expecting anything in return but we sometimes forget that that includes when gratitude from the receiving party(ies). I am not in anyway saying we should condone ingrates, I am also not trying to insinuate that the reason you agreed to do be a bridesmaids or MOH was because of the thank yous but it sure sounds like you sure expected that in return and all I am trying to say a genuine act of love does not expect anything in return. Now do you genuinely love your friend if the answer is yes, then I will say see it as an act of love, you can point it out what you feel is an act of ingratitude on her part but it should not be in anger and so she is aware that not everyone would be as understanding as you had been. Personally though I would not bother because of me an act of love is just that, an act of love. Just my 2 cents.

    • D

      November 10, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      Choi Choi!!! See all the bullets in my write up. That’s what happens when you should be writing a report instead you are commenting on BN

    • nammy

      November 11, 2014 at 8:34 am

      @D, while I did what I did for my friend purely out of love, not expecting anything in return (gifts or souvenirs) ul agree with me that it is only natural to say “thank you” wen someone does something for u. Right from when we were growing up, our parents instilled that in us, we were taught that thank you is 1 of the magic words.
      Imagine this scenario- u r driving down your street and you see your neighbour carrying a really heavy bag, dragging her little kid and walking under the hot son, u stop to give her a lift cos its the naturally right thing to do and when she gets to her destination she just gets down from the car without saying a word, how wld u feel? U didn’t give her a lift cos u expected a thank you but shldnt she show appreciation?
      I helped my friend cos of my love for her, went out of my way to do it, it’ll have been also loving of her to say thanks and ask if I arrived back safely. Honeymoon doesn’t rule out picking up ur phone to make a call.
      My plenty cents!

    • daisy

      November 10, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      I actually think you shld say how u feel to her. Not in a quarrelsome manner tho, but just letting her know you aren’t pleased and you just took everything in stride bcos it was her wedding and you were expected to be a good friend.

    • Jo!

      November 10, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      Nope, vent please. Just don’t do it angry, have a mature conversation about it.
      If you don’t vent, the friendship will never be the same, if you vent, it might actually get better, or you will realise she’s not worth it, so, you’re still better off.

    • B

      November 10, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      How long ago was the wedding? Maybe she is still enjoying her honeymoon, give her some time.

  11. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 10, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Its always the little foxes that spoil the vine.

  12. barbie

    November 10, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Welll so many crazy scenarios i guess. Dere was a day i went to see aa guy i was dating, while wit him his main chick called, dey spoke for a while and she suspected dat d way he was talking i probably was wit him which he denied as usual,. The next tin he sent her one romantic msg “gush i culdnt hold it anymore and since he was expecting a reply frm her which didn’t come he bcame agitated and i sent him a msg dat wat he juz did wasn’t fair OMG i wish i didn’t cos d quarrel no be here @all

    1
    • Daezy

      November 10, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      LOL. Side chick rage.

    • Jo!

      November 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Looooooooooool. OMG, you actually just typed this out, in public… you were a side chick and you knew it??? Jisox

    • Owelle

      November 10, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Lool TF did I just read???

  13. Ada Nnewi

    November 10, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    I get angry when people waste my time, scatter my room, dirty my things, chew gum to loudly and when they say things like “it doesn’t worth it” or “stuffs”, it just makes me dizzy with irritation that feels like anger…I need to calm down sha before i die before my time

    • Ada Nnewi

      November 10, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      *too loudly

  14. Singlegirlblogging

    November 10, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Over the colour of my skin….Like I have a choice.

    Read my blog
    nigeriandate.blogspot.com

  15. Moi

    November 10, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    @Nammy, your wedding story sounds similar to mine but yours is better because you got a thank you. I was a friend’s chief brides maid, went all the way to the east for her trad and back to Lagos, all at my own expense. Had to buy a new dress for the wedding on Friday to the D-day cos tailor messed up my dress and my friend never stopped asking “where is my wedding gift”, I was too furious and had wanted to tell her that whenever am getting married, she should not bring a gift, but I didnt. Fast forward 2 years later, she came to my wedding without a gift. I couldn’t care less. some months after my wedding, I went to visit see her new born with a dress and a beautiful sandal and she told me “is this all you bought for my baby? ” and I was like “Gosh!”. I’ve decided to keep her at arms length because my husband has asked that I should not retaliate or say my mind. Mind you, am good at saying my mind.
    Another friend stopped responding to my calls and bbm for no just cause. After I asked, she told me her brother had sent me a message on fb and I never replied. Called her brother immediately to confirm when and where and it appeared he thought he sent me a message but didn’t. I called her back and gave her the length of my tongue and deleted her cos have had series of rubbish from her in the past.

    • daisy

      November 10, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Loool some friends act like the Devil’s got their remote control

    • Jo!

      November 10, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      I’m sorry but where do you people get friends like this???? Where please, where?
      Mehn, totally appreciating my friends right now

    • fyre

      November 11, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      That’s why I only hv the one friend igbo people will call “nwanne di na mba” and that’s it. I hate drama thats why I hv what a co-worker call “hello….how r u?” friends. Lol……cant stand that mess where someone is mad at me for some petite stuff…..mehn I’ll go sheneyne on that person.

    • fyre

      November 11, 2014 at 7:29 pm

      *petty*

  16. miss max

    November 10, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    nobi everything person go take quarrel, people have quarreled with me for not calling often and all i will say is “sorry no vex” but if dat one no do you then you are on your own as i no get strength for inconsequential rubbish. i know someone who quarreled with her friend for telling her she had given birth and didn’t deem it fit to tell her she was ever pregnant.

  17. manb4real

    November 10, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Once got angry bcos my roommate and friend had a visitor, her tribal person who came over to our room and they were blowing their language all through not minding someone else was there, to add to the matter,the guy refused to go and here I was trying hard to get some well deserved rest after a long lecture day. I didn’t heisted to mention my irritation when she came back after seeing him off. Now that I think about it, it was quiet childish.

  18. Bliss

    November 10, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Ahhhhhh atoke!! I totally understand the plight of trying to convince ur African parents you can’t see and being branded snobbish by people. We have suffered!! For six years I cried out about my eyes, but it fell on deaf ears. It wasn’t until my first year uni when I bombarded my dad at his office and told him I couldn’t take it anymore. I was convinced that I was gradually getting blind. Oya!! We went straight to the ophthalmologist. After examining my eyes, he was shocked that I had never owned glasses. So I had my first glasses prescribed. I could see better, but I noticed I still had to flinch a lot in them. Went back to the doctor and examined and he said my prescription was just fine. Dad was at this point convinced that I just wanted glasses. Three months later I came to the US and decided to use my small pocket money to see a doctor. Gbam!! American dr could not understand how on earth the other doctor did not catch that I hv severe astigmatism in both eyes. She literally took my glasses off my face and tossed in the trash. She said she could not watch me leave her office in them. She put me in contact lenses for two weeks while waiting for my correct glasses to be ready. I’ll never forget that day!! As those lenses hit my eyes ehhh!! It was like everything was in HD!! Dam!! I’d never seen clearer in my life!! Needless to say I’ve never gone back on contacts. I hv them on 24/7, unless when I occasionally take them off at night only for my eyes to breathe. Till date I blame the state of my eyes on my parents. I can’t function without contacts/glasses even in my bedroom. I believe my eyes will not hv gotten this bad if my astigmatism was diagnosed early.

  19. manb4real

    November 10, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    hesited

  20. Neo

    November 10, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    90% of my quarrels stem from the fact that i can be very anal! No matter how little it is,, I hate any alteration to my universe. Yes, i have a universe which works very methodically, any slight disruption throws it off balance.

    On absurd quarrels, I remember one incident when i was in Uni, we were going for a beach party and my friend’s cousin had offered to drop us so we didnt go with the faculty bus. we were about five and this guy had gotten a jeep for the day only for him to carry 2 random babes b4 coming to get us. There was no space and he suggested that we sit in the boot! I was so angry, looking back now it was rather insignificant but for me then it was the principle of the thing (not the fact that i felt i was too hot to sit inside boot) but i made such a fuss that they prepared owners corner for me and owner of the cousin and another friend sat in the boot.

    I used to have a really close friend who I’m no longer in touch ith for reasons best known to her and the decline of our friendship started from her keeping a month long malice with me and another friend bcos wwe used a nickname of hers to set question for mock exams in Law school saying she was an ex-convict. Our crime was that we assocaited her with something bad and she didnt need friends like that.

    • benny

      November 10, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      My darling twin. This is soooooo me. Im not confrontational though… anal yessss

  21. Bliss

    November 10, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Talking about getting angry at people. Me I no fit shout. Nothing exhausts me like talking or vexing. I am a classic example of a person who drops people without notice cuz I believe we getting too old to remind people that what thy are doing is wrong. It has almost become a subconscious part of me. Na u go come apologize cuz my attitude towards u will just reflexively change. I recently unconsciously dropped one of my friends who has a tendency of always being rude to me In public. I think I had lightly called her attention to it once and she clearly brushed it off. The next time she did it while we were at a party together, I didn’t even notice when I left without her. I didn’t call her, honestly forgot to return her calls or texts or simply didn’t give it priority in my busy schedule. I finally answered her call and she was instead apologizing for not coming to my bdy dinner. I really didn’t even notice he wasn’t there, and that wasn’t even the reason I had dropped her. Lol when I told her why, instead if apologizing he said I was being too sensitive. Abeg joooor. I no fit shout. Ain’t spoken to her since then. When she realizes her attitude problem, then we can hv a convo. Ain’t nobori gat time fo dat.

    • Jo!

      November 10, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      he? she? what?

    • MC

      November 10, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      I thought I was confusing myself.!!

  22. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 10, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Yes Atoke, two hands up!

    Once, when we were much younger, my sister “finished” one of my shoes, calling it all shades of ugly. Only for me to go through some of her pictures a couple of days later and who did I see rocking “mallam boots” (according to her). Chai, If looks could kill, those pictures would have caught fire.

    When I raised my hand to say something, feeling all puffed up with the importance of what I had to share, (God always knows how to “slim fit” my excesses) and the person called before me stands up to say exactly what I had in mind. I was busy being so freaking livid, just as the moderator now turns to me and says, Yes, Miss Bobo? Yes what exactly?

    When we went to Apapa amusement park and we got on a ride and it was spinning so fast and I heard my sister screaming hysterically from across me. I was shouting at her, forming protective sister…..just hold on, Jesus is lord, shrabababa , we will get through this…. just hold the rings tight…..mommiee… dont worry, oh God! Are you okay? If I had kept quiet long enough, I would have noticed the imp had stopped screaming and was just staring “kilonshe eliyi” at me. Later it was “Ah, if you heard the way Bobo was screaming, eh? I thought she was dying”. I was so furious I almost decked her. Still try to her every time she brings it up.

    • labake

      November 10, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      @ Bobosteke & Lara Bian; this is the most hillarious one ever. I laughed out my eyes so much tha I have tears running down my cheeks. No wonder you said two hands up. lollllllllllll

    • /onye

      November 11, 2014 at 1:42 am

      brilliant! The one in the amusement park eh! /i don laff tire

    • Bolaji

      November 11, 2014 at 4:09 am

      I screengrabbed this just so i can laugh again when i am feeling sad. God bless you

    • Romy

      November 11, 2014 at 9:00 am

      rotflmao. Gad!!!!!!! I love you!!!! that comment just literally made my day.

    • fyre

      November 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      Lord hv mercy oooooo…..this comment right here kilt me…..buahahahahaha

    • Ese_sleek

      June 15, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      @ Bobosteke and Lara bian, even if am just reading this today-15/6/2015,I fell from my chair laffing…
      all the comments hilarious..

      God bless you all…

    • "changing moniker"

      April 30, 2016 at 11:36 am

      I read this 1 yr, 6 months late but I laughed out loud….you’re good Bobo. ..
      Wait are you 2 in 1?

  23. ebony

    November 10, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    looking back, maybe i overreacted when my sec school best friend told me she couldnt give me the money she wanted to use for bike fare.
    my wallet got stolen in the school library(jextoban ketu) and i didnt have any money to go home(ikorodu) hence the general class donation. i was shocked tho when my friend said she wanted to use the money to take bike for a journey that lasted roughly 5minutes on foot. i felt she could have parted with that money but now i realise i was thinking for her. i was disappointed sha o cos she said it in front of our other class mates and the “ntoin” i got from my classmates who felt she was a bad influence on me made me stop talking to her.

  24. Q

    November 10, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Oooo there’s always the unnecessary quarrels… I mean I was already pissed just reading that lousy text frm your friend…..’…its better you don’t ask…’ really??? I’d have replied with ‘…o shut d hell up!….my daughter’s name is Cecelia, you shld try asking sometime…’….. (she can then decide to be puzzled over the said daughter’s existence).

    I am generally a ‘benefit of the doubt’ giver… so its irritating when people go off unnecessarily…. I once found myself visiting a friend cos I felt we’d been out of touch andnit was a bright day…..I arrived, entered house, screamed hello to silence, but sinc Ii knew she was in for sure, I kept wondering why d silence…then I went to her n greeted again, proceeding with some chit chat, till I realised d silence was deliberate, she sat d whole time, with her back to me…imagine my puzzlement. ?.. ‘what did I do? When did I do it.?…..etc…’ I respected myself n left. Fast forward a while later, I found out she was upset I didnt inform her that some random guy whom she had turned down, was chasing another person I knew,……and I never mentioned it……. Shey if na me dem dey chase, e for better….
    I mean she had had her stupid moments thru our friendship, but this took the cake for me…..I cut her off for over a yr, till she felt the need to apologise for d madness…
    Same nuisance is currently on another useless vexing spree against every friend I know she has, over a mild disagreement. …but History taught me not to give a rats ass!
    Its so irritating, I once drove past her husband n someone I assumed was her, in front of a police station, and what looked like a broken down vehicle…. I slowed down to enquire, but the tot of her just made me hit the accelerator well! I’d rather be stuck with a stranger…..
    #cantdealwithgrownassbabies! She’ll likely read this anyways…. #whocares! Nothing here I havent already expressed.

  25. TATA

    November 10, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    so that’s how my twin and i went to a wedding of a friend’s elder sister who was our senior in the same secondary school. this yowa chic passes by us to greet another friend that they never got along in secondary school and totally snubs us. Kenny and i were laughing ehn, we would have said hi but chill, she walked up to our table and said hi to the other chic, we just bone. she come set table for goat meat suya (asun). omo me i just blessed it and ate, kenny eye the food like say na poison. we come dey wonder say shey na old school guy that she liked but liked me or cos we didn’t go for her wedding. i mean we left secondary school. 8 years ago, JESUS!

  26. nammy

    November 10, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Guess urs was way more chronic than mine, I think avoiding such frnds is the best solution. But Mehn, how I do yearn to give her a piece of my mind. I feel better already though cos of d comments am reading here and the hug from dhermy.

  27. benny

    November 10, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Two days back, a friend sent me a BC extolling the many supposedly beautiful qualities of Buhari… I DREW BLOOD! I JUST SNAPPED. we have been friends since secondary school. At least 17 years. I poured out my sociology notes on the buhari regime, I gave details of family suffering; all the while I was adding expletives to verbally discipline her for that bc. she called, I cut. I continued and went further to warn her to desist from such or leave my bbm.
    I mean I don’t like General Bubu but why did I vex like that? Was it accumulating from something else? Have I been watching her DPs patiently waiting for the day she’ll dare to sell buhari to me as a candidate?
    All my fights are keyboard fights though. I hate physical confrontations please.
    On the love front… sometimes, the voices in my head ask for a mood swing… I will now start texting oga all sorts of accusations, he better not handle it well. My mood swings hate 2 minute brush offs. he better not respond in anger; FIRE! whatever he does at that time is just wrong. Sorry? “Choke on ur sorry”. Baby? “Don’t baby me”. I love you? “LIAR”!!! But he must still sha say it. He will do everything to calm me down and of course I will… he will store allllllllllllllllll my episodes for our weekend wine on the balcony and use it to yab my life; proper roasting. See ehn… i can’t shout

  28. TA

    November 10, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    @ Omoibo, Thanks. In addition to not sweating the small stuff, please pick your battles. Not all battles should be fought even if you are right.

  29. Helen

    November 10, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    All I know is that friendship is not by force. I’m a civilised person; I understand that people have different outlooks to life. That’s the reason I dont keep a band wagon of friends. Just a few with similar values to life like I do. I don’t like stress. Call me a snob, that’s your problem, life is too short to carry extra load of over demanding /bothersome friends. How can you even call someone who doesn’t reason like you do your friend? That title is too sacred to be used for just anyone. If we carefully choose our friends we won’t have problems.

    • Grayce

      November 10, 2014 at 7:40 pm

      I do agree with u Helen..very true…however, I do not agree that u will not have problems if u choose your friends carefully…u have problems with your parents, siblings and/or even significant other… That is inevitable because we all have different charateristics and personality flaws thanks to imperfection. Ironically, I think that is the beauty of life..that we are all different…However, like u mentioned, some people are just not worth the stress..their wahala is just too much *sigh*

  30. Grace E

    November 10, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    I travelled on the day I had my final papers and infact as I left school, it went straight to the airport so I didn’t really get to speak to anybody…I got to my destination and told my friend I arrived..girl vexed for me and gave me silent treatment..I came back nau and she told me she was upset I did not tell her before leaving…and one thing I hate is to constantly explain myself to people so I did not even bother explaining cos it was very trivial to me…I came back and she called me to vex that I know where she lives and I don’t visit her on my way to the mall and I don’t call her that we shud hang out she is in town (I was always out of town planning a friend’s bridal shower and wedding stuff oh)..and that was when I was taking 6 freaking courses in school and working too.. *sigh* then she vexed that despite all her complaints, I didn’t even care or try to do anything to heal our relationship …LMAOOO that thing still makes me laugh till now ‘cos after everything, I still no even send the babe…which kain leech I beg..kmt..
    *sigh* good riddance to bad rubbish…it’s not by force I beg..

    I feel like some people get bored and want something exciting in their life so they just throw in drama…and me too I have energy to eat, laugh, love and dance sekem, skelewu, twerk, sh-money, shoki and etighi but I don’t have energy for fight and petty drama.

    Hope y’all having a good day 🙂

  31. Thatyellowsisi

    November 10, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    hmmm where to start from,..okay, the sight-sight scenario is a constant with me, lost friends, and left people with impressions of me being a snob, because frankly, I really can’t see beyond that 7feet..I had to develop a habit of waving to anyone that waved to me, until i met some serious perverts in this life that took it as greenlight.

    most of my friends call me ‘lil witch’ mainly because you cannot find my ‘trouble’ and go scot-free I employ sarcasm or give it back especially as i am a quiet person,..well i am petite and alot of people take it upon themselves to ride on me.

    Recently, I have been practising ‘Zen’ more or less, Offend me, i go just look, throway face.
    too much ache getting angry over why your sister took the bigger meat in the pot, why your ‘bestfriend’ did not tell you she was pregnant till she almost had the baby, why why why… like the writer has said, its better to just press chill and ignore and be happy. I have learned this after justification of myself scenarios.

  32. Eniye Charles

    November 10, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    Quarrelsome folks or not… Many a time, questions in my head but when is time to asked them, i get scared why? Perhaps, when wrong seams right, and right seams wrong… We should all be careful for nothing… Just be careful!

  33. Dara

    November 10, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    Hahhahahahaha!!! I can totally relate with the ‘forgetting a child’s name’… I got a text seconds after I left this person’s house stating ‘My child is called …’ (awkward)…. This child was only days old at the time o!!! See me see wahala.

    Anyways, some people need to stand in front of the mirror and repeat the following words over and over again till it sinks in.

    Keep calm and just breathe!
    Life is too short to blow a fuse over any and every situation.
    Honestly!

    No need to sweat and quarrel about silly stupid irrelevant things such as “I sent you a message at 2pm… why are you just replying at 6pm… Didn’t you check your phone or was the message invisible…,” (Are you the Mr/bf/husband/fiance?… ) OR “Why are you just replying? Weren’t you with your phone? Remember pride comes before a fall” (#dead… Whats the connection??)

    Some people don’t understand that some people are busy sha… You think everyone spends their lifetime on BBM, Whatsapp, Facebook, etc having meaningless conversations… Think again darling… In case you don’t know, people notice these things… Stop venting over meaningless things…

  34. pretty

    November 11, 2014 at 11:04 am

    my friend can vex for Africa, when she see you talking to another female friend she go begin friend. She is really possessive. I used to be very angry with her cos of her childish behavior but later changed my mind that she is really possessive with friends she likes and respect.. Na so i just leave am.

  35. pretty

    November 11, 2014 at 11:04 am

    *she go begin vex

  36. adeola

    November 11, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    Overtime i’ve learnt to ignore some people , i used to be very quick to speak, after a while i realized i needed to save my strength for better things. With that i never ignore my fiancee, thats because he says annoying things at times so if i dont respond he may take me for a fool . Sometimes i dont even say anything after he has annoyed me , i just end the call , calm down for a few mins before sending him a stinker message with does a hardreset on his brain .

  37. fyre

    November 11, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    1. I got mad at my friend for marrying a guy she just met…..and that was it. But when they start hvng issues am the one she always call, we stay on the phone making fun of him, me encouraging her, she send me pictures of her bruises whenever they had a fight, I always volunteer to call the police on him for her….though we both are in different states.
    2. I had a very good childhood friend who served (NYSC) with my favorite cousin in Benue and I tried my possible best to hook them up but it didnt workout cus she was heads over heels in love with a guy old enough to be her fathers younger brother. I did everything I can to discourage her so she can end up with my cousin but to no avail so I minded beeswax sha. She gave me two chapters of psalm to read for her and pray for her as well which I did (I initially heard a rumor that the guys mom hates the girl and swore he will not marry her) so I thought I was helping a friend out. Fast forward to a year later, I heard another rumor that the guy got a girl pregnant and hv to marry her and they just got married. My said friends younger sister who is also my last sisters friend told me that her sister is engaged to a younger guy and they are about to get married. Me trying to be the kain friend who always try to wish people good speed called her and started u know saying “…..how happy I am that shes finally settling down with someone else, even if the person is not my cousin, I know that the new guy is a lucky guy to have her and that am also happy it wasnt the former guy…”.omo mehn….this gurl went off “….. who told u that? Ehn?! I dont appreciate u going behind my back to gossip about me oh!!!, thats the only thing yall do is to…..gossip gossip gossip.” Am like “huh??????????” She didnt even finish I said “oyyyyy……oya shut ur damn mouth….say because I spend my hard earned money to call u all the time u have the guts to open ur stupid mouth to spew nonsense eh? When was the last time we talk face to face like 7 or 8 years ago. U better watch ur language and the way u use it…” I cant even remember everything I said cus I was royally pissed. Thats how I lose her number, deleted her on fb cus I dont want that nonsense. 3 years later she called me with her little sisters number to pay her condolences cus i lost my eldest sister. She went “…hey” am like “yes?!” Shes like “…hey its me xyz” am like “…ok?”……”…hey u forgotten about me?” Am like “……..” she said “….ok oooo just calling to tell u sorry about ur sisters death….” me …”ok thanks”….she was about to start “….but I cant believe u…….” I hung up. Since then everyone OYO….I aint got no time for bullish joor. Heard she had her 2nd kid mid October….told her lil sis to tell her congrats from my family.

  38. BE

    November 12, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    Mine is so funny, I forgot to call my friend on her birthday till about 8pm on the same day when her text came in about me not being a good friend and I should not give her any excuse about how I forgot because she knows I didn’t call or text her because she didn’t buy my daughter a birthday present a week earlier and how she’s not one of my rich friends hence my not regarding her. This is a friend I spoke with two days earlier, I’m her son’s godmother and she is my son’s too. Honestly her birthday was a terrible day for me, i almost ruined a client’s wedding cos the rental people cancelled on me three hours to the ceremony. It was a nightmare that day but thank God i resolved it.
    Now back to my friend I called and texted her for months and no reply only for her to upload insulting dps and dms on her bbm and fb anytime i called or texted. I sharply cut her off peacefully.
    my life is a lot more peaceful without the drama. The funny part of this is she is way richer than me and most of my friends.

  39. LS

    November 12, 2014 at 9:08 pm

    This is by far the best Monday Morning Banter I have read in a long time and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the comments too! Weird people everywhere, LOL.

    Most ridiculous thing I’ve gotten angry over – when I found out I was being friend-zoned by my best friend. Lol. I think it’s ridiculous cos haba it is not by force toh love na! I actually called him a lieing, selfish, devious *ss in “one” of my outbursts. Loooool. *covers face*

    Most ridiculous thing someone has quarreled with me over – it was my birthday and I had been out all day with my sister, having fun. By evening, I’d had a million messages that I needed to attend to (to avoid giving people a reason to pick a ridiculous quarrel with me. Sigh.). So while I was busy sorting out my messages, Sissy was also trying to engage me in a serious convo. I tried to be attentive to her and i thought I was doing well managing the two tasks until I noticed she had stopped talking. I knew I had missed something but I thought she didn’t notice and so I went on to start another topic. For where? My sister said without mincing words that she wasn’t going to talk to me for the rest of the night. I laughed hard cos I thought it was a joke. No be joke oh, she really didn’t utter a word to me till the next morning,

  40. Crystal

    November 15, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    Pple can vex!!! The feature and comments had me laughing so much that my sides ache.

    As for me, I am friends with 2 sisters and they both have so much drama that I avoid them as much as i can. Sis 1 bought human hair from my friend and decided to return it cos she was no longer interested in buying. Friend said the returned hair wasn’t hers. Fight start and i become referee. But my referee receive blow join. To the extent that i offered to pay for the hair but she refused saying the seller must accept it like that. She even said i was siding with the seller. Omo, i’m tired of the drama just from recounting the issue.

    Sister 2 sent me a congratulations chat some hours after the birth of my 2nd son. Of course i had a zillion bbms to get thru. Imagine my amazement when she had written that i shld at least try to respond when i receive a chat. I just pretended i didn’t see the latter part and responded to the original message.

    Personally, i excuse pple a lot cos i can para for Africa. If i para its either the matter is really important or its a service failure I’m receiving. I hardly do that to friends though cos i believe in giving pple a benefit of doubt and attacking the issue rather than the person.

  41. Bisqo

    November 21, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    I just discovered someone is holding an 8 year old grudge against me because I told her to not carry my daughter, but let her walk instead…. She didn’t even tell me this, I had to find out from someone else… boy, was I stunned! I was in utter disbelief! I haven’t confronted her… where do I start on top 8 year old matter… na real wa!!!

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