I envy couples that have never had to worry about that interesting window in a woman’s cycle called ovulation. The joy of being able to be intimate with your husband without having one eye on the calendar!!! I have had some of my less-fertility-challenged friends tell me that they too are constantly on ovulation watch – in their case it’s not about trying to catch the egg, but how to MISS it. My reaction is always the same, classic eye roll! Oh puleeez! Not the same cup of tea darlings. My fellow egg catchers know exactly what I’m talking about.
There is no faster way to kill the spontaneity of sex than having it programmed. For many a husband, mine inclusive, no amount of seductive underwear and/or romantic setting can override the fact that it is planned sex.
Some partners are great and are very aware that this window is in fact very small, and so do everything they can to ensure all their bases are covered. In fact, I have heard of cases where the men also help track their partner’s fertility window, and are even the instigators to ensure they do not miss it at all. If you have that kind of partner, you are a very lucky woman indeed.
A lot of men just choose not to understand that a woman is only fertile for a few days in her cycle! It’s all fine and good to have sex 100 times a day, but if it doesn’t fall within that elusive monthly timespan, it is a completely futile endeavour. I have heard of cases when Mr. Randy Pants who is always up for some nookie 24/7 immediately loses all interest the instant his partner gives him the signal that it’s ovulation time.
In my own situation, that would inexplicably be the time of the month when my husband and I would get into some really messy fights. More than half the time, they were not even ovulation related. We would almost always coincidentally have some awful arguments right smack in that ovulation window. A number of my friends have told me they also had the same problem.
I absolutely cannot rationalise this cruel and crazy coincidence, except to wonder if, maybe, just maybe, we women exude some kind of anti-pheromones at that time? The reverse is actually the case, as God perfectly designed our bodies to be more receptive to sex at this time. It really is a mystery to me. Besides, who wants to initiate sex when their partner has royally pissed them off? Not many (except you have been trying for more than a few cycles, in which case your partner could have burned to cinders your entire shoe collection but you pocket your anger, for the time being, and pin him down)
How many of us can identify with watching our ovulation window zoom past us like a freight train?! There are few things more frustrating that realising that cycle is probably a bust, and you have to wait another month to get another chance. How many of us have felt the strong desire to sucker punch our partners for wanting to have round-the-clock sex when you are the LEAST fertile?! How many of us have tried to mentally s-t-r-e-t-c-h our ovulation window, hoping that your sex fest on day 25 of your 28 day cycle could still have gotten you pregnant somehow. Wishful thinking at its best!
It was after many many many cycles of trying that I finally learnt the secret. Unless you are one of the lucky few whose partner is on ovulation watch with you, the best thing to do is to not let him know when you’re ovulating. I know that sounds sly, but trust me…it is the best solution. Make it a habit to initiate sex, so that no eyebrows are raised when you do so mid-cycle. All the other little things you do only at ovulation time, like whipping out the Victoria Secrets, burning the scented candles, laying the best bedsheets…try to make a habit of it. That way, Oga won’t smell any rats, and will surely comply when it is time to do the needful.
This not only has worked for so many women, but has also improved marriages. Look at this way. You may or may not catch the egg, but your sex life will be on some high octane tins.
Bottom line is this, no matter our situation in the fertility journey, we should try not to lose our sexual spontaneity. Whilst it is essential for you to be aware of your fertile window, and plan for it accordingly, adopting a school teacher attitude with your spouse (for anything other than role play, of course) could permanently damage that aspect of your relationship, even long after the much desired baby arrives. Food for thought!
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang