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Nicole The Fertile Chick: Ovulation & Your Other Half

Nicole The Fertile Chick

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I envy couples that have never had to worry about that interesting window in a woman’s cycle called ovulation. The joy of being able to be intimate with your husband without having one eye on the calendar!!! I have had some of my less-fertility-challenged friends tell me that they too are constantly on ovulation watch – in their case it’s not about trying to catch the egg, but how to MISS it. My reaction is always the same, classic eye roll! Oh puleeez! Not the same cup of tea darlings. My fellow egg catchers know exactly what I’m talking about.

There is no faster way to kill the spontaneity of sex than having it programmed. For many a husband, mine inclusive, no amount of seductive underwear and/or romantic setting can override the fact that it is planned sex.

Some partners are great and are very aware that this window is in fact very small, and so do everything they can to ensure all their bases are covered. In fact, I have heard of cases where the men also help track their partner’s fertility window, and are even the instigators to ensure they do not miss it at all. If you have that kind of partner, you are a very lucky woman indeed.

A lot of men just choose not to understand that a woman is only fertile for a few days in her cycle! It’s all fine and good to have sex 100 times a day, but if it doesn’t fall within that elusive monthly timespan, it is a completely futile endeavour. I have heard of cases when Mr. Randy Pants who is always up for some nookie 24/7 immediately loses all interest the instant his partner gives him the signal that it’s ovulation time.

In my own situation, that would inexplicably be the time of the month when my husband and I would get into some really messy fights. More than half the time, they were not even ovulation related. We would almost always coincidentally have some awful arguments right smack in that ovulation window. A number of my friends have told me they also had the same problem.

I absolutely cannot rationalise this cruel and crazy coincidence, except to wonder if, maybe, just maybe, we women exude some kind of anti-pheromones at that time? The reverse is actually the case, as God perfectly designed our bodies to be more receptive to sex at this time. It really is a mystery to me. Besides, who wants to initiate sex when their partner has royally pissed them off? Not many (except you have been trying for more than a few cycles, in which case your partner could have burned to cinders your entire shoe collection but you pocket your anger, for the time being, and pin him down)

How many of us can identify with watching our ovulation window zoom past us like a freight train?! There are few things more frustrating that realising that cycle is probably a bust, and you have to wait another month to get another chance. How many of us have felt the strong desire to sucker punch our partners for wanting to have round-the-clock sex when you are the LEAST fertile?! How many of us have tried to mentally s-t-r-e-t-c-h our ovulation window, hoping that your sex fest on day 25 of your 28 day cycle could still have gotten you pregnant somehow. Wishful thinking at its best!

It was after many many many cycles of trying that I finally learnt the secret. Unless you are one of the lucky few whose partner is on ovulation watch with you, the best thing to do is to not let him know when you’re ovulating. I know that sounds sly, but trust me…it is the best solution. Make it a habit to initiate sex, so that no eyebrows are raised when you do so mid-cycle. All the other little things you do only at ovulation time, like whipping out the Victoria Secrets, burning the scented candles, laying the best bedsheets…try to make a habit of it. That way, Oga won’t smell any rats, and will surely comply when it is time to do the needful.

This not only has worked for so many women, but has also improved marriages. Look at this way. You may or may not catch the egg, but your sex life will be on some high octane tins.

Bottom line is this, no matter our situation in the fertility journey, we should try not to lose our sexual spontaneity. Whilst it is essential for you to be aware of your fertile window, and plan for it accordingly, adopting a school teacher attitude with your spouse (for anything other than role play, of course) could permanently damage that aspect of your relationship, even long after the much desired baby arrives. Food for thought!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

Nicole is a woman in her late 30s, with a passion for all things fertility related. She suffered infertility for the first 3 years of her marriage, and found it extremely isolating. After she had her kids, she started The Fertile Chick (www.thefertilechickonline.com) to create a community and happy-place for all women, in various stages of the fertility journey.

29 Comments

  1. Monisola

    November 10, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Another good read on this topic, which I can relate to……
    My fertility journey included everything you’ve mentioned above, it was a 3 years journey before we got lucky. I monitored the Window like a Hawk, have an application on my phone to monitor the most fertile to least fertile days. Multiple times spent on ovulation kits, pregnancy test kits and medical tests.
    It was a stressful experience, an experience I don’t wish for anyone. The lucky ones shouldn’t take their easy breezy fertility for granted.
    In prayers, supplications and Thanksgiving, we received our miracle, our baby will be here in few weeks.
    Miracle still happen friends, Keep your faith alive.

    • adeanon

      November 10, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      congrats Monisola. our God is faithful- always x

    • fynefidel

      November 10, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      congrats dear…..

  2. Anu

    November 10, 2014 at 11:16 am

    The fight during ‘ovulation period’is mostly termed spiritual and hormonal ( eyes rolling****) yeam i know myths abi???
    Monitoring is fraustrating so much that we miss out the fun despite the fact that many of us don’t even know the O period upon all the monitors in the world!!!
    Complicated world!!!phewwww

  3. kay

    November 10, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Awesome article. I didnt have to watch for too long but they few months we were tracking were absolutely frustrating since for some funny reason, my hubby was never in the mood then.

    • deedee

      November 10, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      Exactly I called my mum and told her that for some reason hubby wont just be in the mood in my fertile window. Am so glad that phase is over.

  4. Beautiful Ella

    November 10, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Great Topic. Something alot of people shy away from. I have a sister who tells me about a similar problem. There’s always trouble looming around ovulation dates. Little fights here and there and they always tend to miss the window. Some women trying to concieve still have the notion it can happen anyday within the 30 days. Like you rightly said the very lucky ones who take in within a breeze dont know how grateful they should be. Shebi you can still kinda calculate your ovulation window. Mine was eratic and could not be caught. In my five years of being married plus countless ovulation prediction kits, I never EVER saw anyone positive. I have a condition called PCOS and I was more or less Anovulatory. Sometimes I saw my period only once or twice in a year max three times unassisted by any drugs. So tell me when exactly do I want to begin to calculate ovulation or chart my temperature. I tried to act normal, using an imaginary calendar in my head. Sometimes I even went for a scan an different times of the month for follecular tracking all it showed was my Polycystic Ovaries.

    Through the grace of God, the storm of five years, one unsucessful IUI, one sucessful ICSI and a severe OHSS that almost cost me my life, our little ones are on the way !

    He makes all things beautiful in His time!!!!

    • D

      November 10, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      You give me hope, that’s exactly what I have been diagnosed with.

    • Amoke

      November 17, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Thanks for sharing. ….currently battling with PCOS and it’s been an emotional journey. ……May GOD answer the prayers of all women seeking the fruit of the womb in Jesus Name.Amen

  5. olami

    November 10, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Hmmmm…there is no way you won’t monitor your ovulation, for the past two months my husband has had to take casual leave from his place of work as my ovulation is always during the week and he works in another state.he is on another casual leave this week again and we just hope God answer us this month….
    P.s we still try to derive pleasure in our own little way even if we have to put pillow under my butt lol

  6. fertile

    November 10, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    Wow, bless u this lady. I tot I have spiritual problems ni sha. Because that time of the month I feel am ovulating sef we would fight fight and fight. Pls any words for me, I have not had my menstruation in almost 5 months, I feel so lost.

    • Grace

      November 10, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      U should see a Doctor,(A specialist)5 months no period it isnt normal expecially if u aint pregnant

    • D

      November 10, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      You are not under any spiritual attack, Nigerians and everything being spiritual. I am in the same boat you are in although mine is longer than 5 months. But yes see a Dr. We are just beginning our fertility journey.

    • Bookie

      November 10, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      try and do virginal test swap. it could be infection and pls do see a gynaecologist.

  7. Ivie

    November 10, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    yeah…i know the feeling. I have only been on this ‘ovulation watch’ for 3 months and it is already wearing me out.

  8. Chu

    November 10, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    I feel you ladies, I now understand when some ladies say they tried getting pregnant for some months before they conceived, and others will comment ‘trying for 6 months geez’ like what are they saying time hasn’t passed. After 5 months of wedding we decided to try to have a child, I was watching for my next period like a hawk, when I started feeling cramps I felt so disappointed but the period didn’t come. I did a lil research and found out that cramps can be a sign of pregnancy, my boobs have also become humongous. I still haven’t done a test to know if I am pregnant but hubby is positive i am.
    But just anticipating if the period comes wasn’t a sweet experience, I can just imagine how ladies that want a child feel every time they see their period. I have become more empathetic and pray for my friends trying to have a child.
    For everyone here that is trying for a child, the God that did it for women of old who had no specialists to take care of them will do the same for you. You will conceive and carry your baby to full term with no complications IJN, whether you are over 30 or not.

    • aize

      November 12, 2014 at 1:53 am

      Amen dear. Been married for five months now. And I can barely wait to have the young ones.

    • Amoke

      November 17, 2014 at 10:56 am

      Amen.
      and congratulations in advance dear…..wishing you a healthy and happy 9months with a healthy baby as the end product

  9. naana

    November 10, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    in my case, there are days in a month that i feel hornier than any other day.
    i had to study my body for sometime and realised those times are my ovulating periods.
    hornier days and the change of the female discharge which becomes thicker than usual.
    temperature changes and boobs become heavier.

    sisters need to visit specialists when encountering changes in their bodies.

  10. Miss b

    November 10, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Ladies I feel your pain, myself and husband lives in two different countries and we see twice or three times a year. Saw him in oct during that window hoping it will happen but it didn’t and won’t see him again till next year. The day I was leaving back to my base, he requested and I said no (knowing O is not is few days) but gave in eventually. Ladies two weeks after we last saw, I was expecting my thing as usual and no show for 8days and decided to test………ladies don’t give it can happen and I sharing the baby dust to you all…

    • fertile

      November 10, 2014 at 7:44 pm

      Wow

    • Amoke

      November 17, 2014 at 10:58 am

      Congratulations b
      Thanks a lot for sharing baby dus!

  11. Funkysoft

    November 10, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    i can so relate with this “fighting thingy ” during ovulation…and honestly i feel at times too that is ‘spiritual” …when is time for my ovulation and i tell bobo…na one excuse or the other oh he gives me & typical me i turn it to fight, he even says “shebi even if is just for one day,God can do wonders?” and i am like “u dis man(in anger) why cant we ‘kpansh” for the 5 days why just one day?but like i have read here i wont talk again i will just keep quiet when next my ovulation comes …lets see if it will work out……
    GOD BE WITH US ALL AND MAY GOD ANSWERS OUR PRAYERS TO BE MOTHERS

  12. Miss Pe

    November 10, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I am not married yet, however Le Boo and I are looking @ early next year. I must confess i am really scared of infertility. So my period is highly irregular and i cannot say this is my calendar or when i ovulate as a result of this. I discussed this with him and he advised i go see a Gynaecologist, i was diagnosed with Hyper Prolactinamia (something that has to do with breast milk), was given some drugs to regularise this. I took them for a while, completed a dosage and Period was regular was about 6 months, not seen it in close 2 months now. Just the thought scares me already.

    Sorry for my long epistle or even diverting from the Topic, i guess what am trying to ask is for similar experiences that came out victorious, advises, e.t.c

    • Amoke

      November 17, 2014 at 11:07 am

      Hi Pe,
      You definitely made the right decision by seeing a gynaecologist, kindly go for another check-up……and please don’t be worried ….each person has a different path in life. …….stay positive, you shall be fruitful in Jesus Name.Amen
      P.S: Google diet for Hyperprolactin
      I was diagnosed with PCOS and told to stay off all diary products. ……milk, eggs, chicken, turkey, bread and avoid oil (except Olive Oil)….’Tis well

  13. Anonymous

    November 10, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    I know I’m ovulating when I get super horny. I’ll be horny for like three days straight. This usually starts about three to four days after my period ends. I usually don’t tell my fiancé cuz we are not trying to get pregnant, but every time it happens he can always tell cuz I’ll be all over him.
    Another way I know I’m ovulating is the discharge. I always get the clear stretchy egg-white discharge.
    I pray God blesses all of y’all seeking the fruit of the womb. May your wombs leap for joy before the year ends IJN.

  14. Alesha

    November 10, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Wow…. Never heard of this ovulation tracking ish oh…. hubby and I just have sex until we get pregnant oh… We have 2 now and decided to start trying for the 3rd one sometime in September. Last month I missed my period and I was pregnant. My hubby just looked at me, feeling like a G and said “ashe o ti e le – I touched you once and you are preggy… na wa o” ( literal translation – you are not even hard).

  15. osa

    November 11, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Very interesting read. I was also on my fertility journey which finally brought forth 3 children. Anyway I would like to share some deep knowledge I discovered. Now we are told by medical doctors etc the woman’s eggs are alive for 24 hours. The male sperm for 72 hours. Please it’s hours not days. Very key to note. Now as I found out not all women’s eggs have the 24 hours window. Some women have 12 hours. And get this eggs are released usually at 12 midnight. Now if your egg is alive for 12 hours and it’s released at midnight that means by 12 noon there is really nothing, no egg waiting for fertilisation. The truth is that only God can determine who is a 24 or 12 hours woman. When I learnt this I started doing the baby dance with my hubby only in the early hours of the morning. And yes I totally agree about not letting him know what you are up to. Then he is more ready to perform. Believe me when I say that I got pregnant on those times. (6 pregnancies). But I must add that I did do all those tests. I hope this helps. Finally every baby dance was accompanied with praying. God has to be in charge.

    • Easy n Gentle

      November 11, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      Quick note, I think women looking to conceive should start having sex in anticipation of ovulation not in reaction to it. The thing is, sperms need close to 12 hours in the woman to get “activated”, after activation, can stay alive for 72. A woman might ovulate on the first day or on the last day of that window, there is really no way to tell. The sperm needs to be already inside, activated and waiting for that egg. Get pro active Ladies

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