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Ehi Ade Mabo: Potential Counts For Something

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Recently, I celebrated my birthday and usually, I am one to celebrate with style…maybe plan a trip, have a party or some go out to nice dinners with friends and families. However, I realize that as I get older, my idea of fun just keeps changing and fluctuating. Nowadays, my idea of fun has taken a turn in the opposite direction. I find that what gets me excited is sitting alone in my home office with a nice progressive book, which could be a John Maxwell, Myles Munroe or Sam Adeyemi.

This is typically accompanied with a hot cup of chocolate amidst some Sinach, Frank Edwards or at best listening to Timi Dakolo’s Iyawo mi with amplified sound speakers tuned to the maximum and miming to it on repeat for hours till I’m exhausted and passed out on the couch. So essentially, my perfect day is a combination of a nice book, good music, my own company and some sleep! If that sounds boring, ah well *shrugs*

However, this year was different! I attempted getting into my space doing what Ehi loves, but I had planned dinner with hubby later that evening. Well, on arriving at my home, lo and behold… my entire house was flooded with all sorts of gifts various sizes of nicely packaged gifts littered my couch. Some were even over pouring on the kitchen counter, the floor…everywhere! I was completely floored…to say the least! The man had gone ahead to arrange for 31 amazing gifts with all my favorite things in the world with help from some of my lovely friends…these were not random gifts just spontaneously picked out…these were the kind of gifts that you open and you go “boo, how did you know I wanted this”? “ oh I overheard you talking to your friend about wanting that phone and those flats and that scarf” really???!!

All the gifts had personalized notes on them….days past my birthday and I’m still struggling to open all my gifts and grappling with the unimaginable love and asking myself “How did I get here?”

How thoughtful can a person be? To compile a list of my needs as I speak and comment randomly on how “it will be nice to have that phone and that leather bound journal”. So apparently I need to be careful with what I say around him because my hubby is literally like a genie.

My hubby is the king of surprises and not a single occasion has gone by without me getting knocked off my socks. Earlier this year for our traditional anniversary, it was a tiny trinket with a car keys to a white Range Rover I had dreamed of even before I met him. On our church anniversary a few months later it was  random people whisking me up from the mall in a Limo with paparazzi, make up crew and stylists ready to transform me to a princess and then I found myself in an unknown destination with my favorite people in the whole world just cheering me on! I mean the man just knows how to make a girl feel like a princess!!!

Anyways, a lot of times it’s quite embarrassing because when you are always on the receiving end and always the surprisee  and never the surpriser. At some point, you just want to make an attempt to outgive lol so I made him agree that he would not do it again at least not till i manage to catch up, but he just wouldn’t quit!

He just has a way of making me feel like the luckiest girl alive but why am I even giving you all this details? You might ask! Am I just trying to show off? Or trying to paint a picture of a perfect marriage to you? No..no ..no..actually very far from it!

Once upon a time actually, not very long ago this man I speak about with so much pride could not afford to buy us a mattress? Yes! even I slept on a duvet and folded it so it felt more comfortable.

On our very first date, this man who drove half way across town to come pick me for dinner. His 2004 gold Nissan Altima broke down in the dead of winter because he could not afford proper winter tires, so there we in the cold and sought help to get the car off the road.

At one point in our lives, neither I nor Ade could afford a cup of coffee. I remember vividly as we spent time in transit whilst journeying through Frankfurt. I was cold and needed coffee and after a couple of swipes and 4 credit cards later, none could spare us the embarrassment of that dreaded word you see on the card reader “DECLINED” – for coffee that costs $1.49!

Speaking of embarrassment: have you had to speak lots of words and have lengthy conversations with your Landlord asking for a rent extension? And you look at yourself and ask “WHY”? Because you know, had it not been that the phone bill was already 3 months due and you were already cut off, this rent cheque might have cleared without an NSF (Non Sufficient Funds) notice.

Have you ever been desperate to move past a critical financial situation, you manage to get a job that has you selling water purifiers door to door and you are told you cannot get paid except by commissions on sold water purifiers.  And oh by the way since this is a business investment, you need to shell out a whopping $90.00 to get trained and of course the cheque bounces which causes your bank to further charge you $42.50 for a bounced cheque. So now your account is officially in the red, great! That used to be me.

I know you do not understand because you may have never driven a car until it dies in the middle of the road because there is no gas in it, or ever had to keep your braids for four months because $80.00 for a weave was too luxurious a price to pay.

I may not be able to completely tell you all our struggles and this is not the intent of this write up. A lot of times, I get asked questions along the lines of “Is it wrong to marry just for money?” or “ Should I date a person who is dead broke and cannot provide for me?”

These are all valid questions and I thought in order to answer these questions, it might help to shed some light on my journey with dating, courting, and the decision to say YES to the ring in the light of finances and money.

Let me be clear, that this is not about being a Dr Phil but ladies, some of us really need to look beyond the visible, the tangible and the physical. When you meet a potential husband who is interested in tying the knot with you, finances are an important piece of the equation. I know what you are saying, I had this conversation with a cousin and she said “Sorry Ehi, I cannot be doing “e go beta” with any man now”. You either have the cash to meet my needs or we are not meant to be. If you share the same school of thought, hey, I totally get it! And no I was not sent by the “Broke Men Association” to persuade you to stick around, but some of us need to start using more concrete and lasting measures to make relationship decisions versus, temporal criteria like “he has money” or “he does not have money”.

Refrain from making a permanent decision like who to get married to based on a temporary circumstance like “he does not have a job”  or “ he has 14 cars” What if that changes and he grows rich or gets really broke?

What potential does he carry? What are his goals and ambitions? What is his level of determination and ambition? What is the quality of conversation he has? What information is he feeding on? What is he spending his time on? Is he striving to improve himself by gaining knowledge and garnering information? Or is his mind stagnant and set in his ways?

Ladies, there is hope for the man who may not have physical cash but knows where he is going, look for a visionary whose lead you are comfortable following, broke or wealthy is irrelevant, money will ALWAYS follow after a great and progressive mind, inevitably. Do not be so quick to call off that engagement just yet, an extra dose of patience may be needed. Don’t write him off so soon, you may need to see with a different pair of eyes, the eyes of a marathoner. There is a place for a sprint and a different place for a marathon, it is often not the one who moves fastest that is the wisest but the one who is calculated, timely and focused. Marriage and all its decisions is a marathon not a sprint

Hang in tight, POTENTIAL definitely counts for something!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Mimagephotography

For the last few years she has inspired and empowered men and women all ages and walks of life to rise above their challenges and be the best they can be. Whether you struggle with finding your sweet spot in your purpose, relationships, finances, brand and self esteem, or you just know life should be more exciting that it is now, you are not alone. Ehi Ade Mabo has continued to encourage and coach people of all ages to finding the zeal, power and Passion to rise above their current struggles, and live the life of their dreams. Ehi Ade Mabo Is a life Coach, blogger, writer, speaker and upcoming author. She is married to business consultant Ade Mabo. She is working on her debut book Rise Above the Challenge. www.ehimabo.com

30 Comments

  1. vheeki

    November 25, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    God bless your soul Ehi! This post came at the time I needed it most…
    Kudos to BN. Lovely write-up

    • Ehi Ade Mabo

      November 26, 2014 at 5:35 am

      Thank you for reading, God bless you too 🙂

  2. Thatgidigirl

    November 25, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Amazing write up, inspiring Ehi. However, what if your loyalty to his potential doesn’t pay off at the end of the day? Like you, i entered bus, okada (2 on a bike), shared my pocket money from my parents as a student with him, believed in his potentials, supported and struggled with him (even when i felt he was building castles in the sky). When he decided to leave Nigeria to do his masters, i was his biggest cheer leader plus scraped my savings and gave to him. Oh well, let’s just say I didn’t get your happy ending and dude is married to someone he met while studying. I am however happy with the woman i have become, i channelled all my anger into developing myself and when we talk these days he says he is so proud of me and keeps asking for forgiveness. But the damage has already been done, i doubt that i can work with potential or prospects again, except he is prospecting the presidency. It takes a man with integrity to appreciate the woman that struggled with him in the past. I don’t even want to mention alot of our mothers that struggled in the past with their husbands and ended up being the lonely “first wife”.

    • Grown Woman

      November 25, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Oh dear that is really pathetic….with today’s generation, things have really changed.I think its best everybody focueses on themselves individually lets both hustle and meet half away this supporting businees usually doesn’t turn out so well at times.You start with them from the bottom but as soon as they get to the top, you are left there hanging and someone else comes along the way to enjoy the privledges .

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      November 25, 2014 at 10:41 pm

      Yup!!! I feel you boo.
      I wish I could leave a video response lol. Maybe inspired by my new video.
      To me it is not even the issue of ‘potential’ it is simply three things ‘integrity, faithfulness and just realness’. I think struggles is ok as long as you both have your head screwed on. Most ladies with their heads screwed on will defo try to stick out with a guy that has his head screwed on simples!
      By screwed on, I mean people that genuinely know themselves have foresight and are capable of deeper meanings(not people with misplaced priorities).. Sometimes life happens.

      Life is so much better if people are just good and don’t change to disappoint or mess up but life isn’t so we gotta keep trying and pray we meet the good bunch left.
      My two cents. x

    • ATP

      November 26, 2014 at 12:01 am

      ummmmmm

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      November 26, 2014 at 12:37 am

      I also want to add that, it is far easier to stick it out with a guy that is serviceable and has the attributes as mentioned. Why wouldn’t you? However, I don’t blame anyone that goes for the made/ rich guy because a) Some women are happy to be taken care of whether or not the dude has more concubines etc at least their are material needs are met and some women are ok with that.
      b)It is far more easier to go with a made person than to struggle and not even know whether the person will reciprocate the kindness.
      c)Some women have seen the worst of life, they are not that deep not bothered about the aformentioned attributes rather just want to live a comfortable life they think rich will provide.

      In conclusion, we cannot guarantee what will work or wouldn’t but I do know that most women do stick it out.
      I always think it is far better to comfortable in a rich man’s home than to be all good to a poor man that don’t care lol..
      Do you BOO!!!

    • Ehi Ade Mabo

      November 26, 2014 at 5:50 am

      I really appreciate the fact that you bring this up…when i was writing this, i was aware it was a thought that would be lurking in the minds of most people and your experiences and concern is a very VALID one.
      Here’s what i would like to point out to you and anyone else reading this, Life itself is a risk, everyday you wake up and go out to work to earn a living, you at a 40% risk of losing your life to an accident especially as a driver, are you gonna wake up and repeat the cycle again? YES!

      Each time you date a person (wealthy or broke), there is a chance that things for change for the better or for worse, will you still take a chance and date anyways? Absolutely!

      When you get married to a man (saint or sinner), there is a probability that he could be lured into temptation of cheating, would you still say YES and get married anyways, of course!!

      Essentially darling, nothing in life is promised…we each wake up every morning hoping, praying and believing in a higher power to deal us a good hand but as long as we live, we can Never get any guarantees from any MAN or human for that matter.

      Deciding to only go for a wealthy “man” is great but remember, that automatically leaves you with a slimmer chance of meeting your spouse and suture partner, because you have narrowed your choices to such a select few. Remember, you lose a 100% of the shots you dont take. Obviously, im not saying to say hello to every Tom, Dick and Harry who have no vision for their lives and no plans or viable strategy to get out of poverty.

      What i am saying though is that whilst you are being patient with this mister who “isnt quite there yet” invest some time in yourself, you also develop yourself so he know you have no intention of using him as an ATM, that way, he recognizes your value and when his economic status changes, he is not asking for your hand in marriage just out of pity that you have stuck with him BUT because he knows the value you bring to the table and girl, if he decides to walk away, you may be pained for a little bit but not for long because you ARE A POWERHOUSE! You know who you are and what you bring to the table for any man…

      hope this makes sense!

      Thanks for sharing, i appreciate you

    • EMINI

      November 26, 2014 at 10:21 am

      Babes not all relationships end in marriages. All you can do is to learn, thank God and leave ur heart opened to love.NEVER GIVE UP.

  3. oj

    November 25, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    had the same experience. my ex couldn’t afford to take me to a nice eatery sef. long story short, when he “thought” he has arrived, he ended the relationship over the phone. I just pray for a man who genuinely loves God and me, who is hard-working, financially responsible and capable. Note that financially responsibility does not mean the guy is rich but that he knows how to make wise use of what he has.

    • Ehi Ade Mabo

      November 26, 2014 at 5:55 am

      Oj, i hope you can heal and get over this hurt but please read my response above, please spend some time on yourself, work on you, develop you, let your value appreciate so we are not playing a reactive game here, if a man decides to walk, let him walk, you will be another man’s answered prayers but make sure you DEVELOP YOURSELF.

    • oj

      November 26, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Thanks Ehi, I’m happy to say I’ve been doing just that. I’ve graduated from the university. I now work for a global firm and i’m currently pursuing my masters degree.

  4. Grown Woman

    November 25, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    Good write up. I would definately consider a determined,focused and hardworking person over some goal less individual. I believe we are all different, some people prefer ready made and some prefer being in the chase together.I think the most important think is to work hard and have a balanced life and if a good man/woman comes along the way who is already well established it should be a bonus 🙂

  5. Chichi

    November 25, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Hmmmm…I remember when we used to “stroll” for long distances just to cut down transport fare. People thought we were so in love, holding hands and strolling. The two of us knew what it was all about. Today, I get cars as birthday gift. Hahahahahaaa…what a world!

  6. efe

    November 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Ehi,my sister. God bless your soul for this wonderful,write up. Ladies do not even know what POTENTIALS are in a MAN,and not all MEN have the Fear of God with their God given Potentials, You were indeed damn lucky. Your Hussy has got both POTENTIALS and the FEAR of GOD in Him.
    Thumps up!!!

  7. Lonely Girl

    November 25, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Had to quote this ” Ladies, there is hope for the man who may not have physical cash but knows where he is going, look for a visionary whose lead you are comfortable following, broke or wealthy is irrelevant, money will ALWAYS follow after a great and progressive mind, ”

    As much as I would like to agree with you, I would like to add that ladies should also progress as the guy progresses. Men its sad but some ladies help some guys attain their dreams and then that same guy sees the lady as not good enough. ;(

    I personally look out for the potentials as we have seen guys who were once big boys in banks hustling on the street but never again would i step down and say cos ” I love you, I would give you my hard earned money to go to school or pursue your dreams and then the idiot would now send me an email telling me i am too fat for him cos he is now in America ” leaving me to lick my wounds.

    • Easy n Gentle

      November 25, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      I keep saying, never fear to outshine a man. If he can’t deal with you out shining him then he is not the one for you. Besides why would you want to be with a man you can easily outshine. So brother’s dreams come true, what about yours? Have you been stagnant since? So you were valuable to him then because he had none, evolve and be valuable to him now for something else. If you were growing as much as he was or even better,it’s simple logic, no one dumps valuable stuffs unless he is spectacularly dumb. Giving loyalty and support is your choice, getting it in return is theirs. A relationship is always in constant dynamics and we should never stop growing and adding value to ourself

  8. @edDREAMZ

    November 25, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Making sense post no doubt….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  9. Dr.N

    November 25, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    My brother used to say of my then fiancé “Promising young man! When will d promise be fulfilled?” We had to share bikes to save costs. I still rem d 1st day he took me to a fast food joint. But he was an undergraduate. I think there is time for everything.
    A 37 yr old man, unemployed, watching football, playing wt playstation all day……… And u tell me he has potential? Use your tongue to count your teeth.
    Your points are valid but we need to customise them individually. Hehehe

  10. laury

    November 25, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Please where are the good fine brothers with drive. I cant stand a man with zero drive, its just a huge turn off. This sister is single, this country where I dey no dey help matters.

  11. tree

    November 26, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Hmmm nice write up! But what do U say to a 36yrs old man, working his ass off I get it, but living in the basement with his sister, don’t want to get a degree. How long can U watch an adult suffer like that? Because when he gets older, the tougher it becomes.. With my degree and career, I’m a jackpot to him but he’s not to me.. I do know he’s got a great spirit but the potential to education isn’t there and ain’t nobody got time to baby sit a grown ass man to get a proper degree.. And do it because u wanna do it not just becauae im making u do it.. 4yrs is enough time. Abeg what’s next!! Gone are those days when I use to ve the time to wanna be d typical house wife without a ring or wanna play Ms. Nice #BS#.. TD Jakes once said ” don’t let your temporary condition become your permanent condition. Just because I’m old enough to settle down doesn’t mean I ve to accept everything and anything roaming the streets.

  12. yankee

    November 26, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Hmmmm mtchew!! Experience is d great teacher in life and I don’t blame women when they can’t keep up with BS from men. Eg my cousin dated a guy for 6yrs. Her Dad is wealthy in Nigeria (private name) she brought him to lag and Abj, apartment for him, made sure he had everything. My cousin left to UK for Masters,story changed because he finally got a 2yrs Contact job of which my cousin got for him through her dad. Come and see this dude feel on top of d world! After cussing my cousin out in telling her oh I got a better car than u now.. He broke up with her smh.. And u think shes got the time for another one like her Ex?? Mtchew

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      November 26, 2014 at 11:40 am

      Let me say that your cousin adopted her boyfriend as her child and just as a child the boy grew up needed independence and freed himself. Children always grow up, we mothers should learn to wean them and let them fly. Looool! I kid. But my point is there is a big difference between helping someone to get to somewhere and going to that place for the person.

    • [email protected]

      November 26, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      All I’m saying

  13. Precious Annestine

    November 26, 2014 at 11:14 am

    Awesome awesome……i’ve copied and pasted to my facebook. However, in Uganda its usually the reverse…lol! The men r the used and the ladies-users!!!

  14. B

    November 26, 2014 at 11:23 am

    This is a very lovely post, one every single person who intends to get married will benefit from.

  15. Dee

    November 26, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Ehi, this is a great piece, it’s not just a story but an experience most ladies have had. What i think should count is seeing the future potentials and holding onto that but you see, some people experience such hard times that momentary comfort comes before finding future potentials. In all, like you said, we should learn to look beyond the visible and physical cos times really do change. What if those things that give you comfort are no longer dished out by your partner tomorrow, would you abandon him in search for another? This is not just applicable in your relationships with our partners but in our daily endeavors, we lack resilience and trust in our little beginnings. We want things already fashioned out. Pls dont get me wrong, if you have such fantastic already made food on your table, by all means , eat it if you want or need to. But for the rest of us that this story is speaking to…. we know ourselves very well, May God help us all to choose wisely..

  16. #bossbabe

    November 26, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    Very well said my friend. I pray God will guide and bless you with wisdom. Your strength has always been encouraging. ..lovely write up boo Boom!

  17. Britico

    November 26, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    I remember growing up as a carefree child in GRA ikeji then; time flies. Grew up, went to Uni and was very good friends with a guy who later became my husband. I had heard the word face me I face you before; but did not understand what it was until i got married. That is what my husband could afford. We were so broke that we could not even afford furniture for several months. Infact the one that really got to me the most was our lack of curtains. So I had to spread a piece of cloth to cover the windows sometimes for some privacy. It was a nightmare then. Fast forward a few years later we relocated to the UK where we still are. We are comfortable now and my hubby is the best. When I remember those dark times I can only say; God has been faithful. All we can see is now. We as mortals do not really know what the future holds.

  18. Meerah

    November 27, 2014 at 10:01 am

    Having potential is one thing, living up to that potential is a totally different thing. We ladies are typically wired to stay and make things work, rather than to just ditch a dude at the first few signs of distress.
    But, ladies know when to abandon ship. There are times when the guy is just not worth the struggle or investment, so ditch him, and go back to focusing on making urself comfortable.
    There was this guy i was with some years back. Dude was the perfect gentleman at first, but then after a while started complaining of being; not even able to afford parking when we went out. He always rejected my contribution, saying he can handle it, he’s the man. things quickly changed from him calling to me doing doing all the contacting, and spending all the money. He asked for some money from me, which i was gonna give him, but he asked that I make it a loan instead, and he’d pay back ASAP. Dude took my money, stopped answering my calls, left the country without my knowledge, and started chasing my friend. Fast forward a few months, he came back guns blazing with stories. I never got my money back. If I had taken him back, i promise he would have done something worse, so of course he got the boot.
    Now although mine is small compared to others, honestly, potential took on a whole new meaning. For me now, a guy having potential, means he can already hold down his own, but is trying to get more. A completely broke guy spells out a liar and a scammer to me.

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