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Nicole The Fertile Chick: How Do I Stay Happy For Everyone Getting Pregnant?

Nicole The Fertile Chick

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“Oh my God!!! I’m so happy for you! What fantastic news! You and your husband must be thrilled!!” These are the words some of us would have said at some point in time, a huge smile on our faces, but with a hollow-as-a-pit feeling in our stomachs. You’re happy for this friend, family member, colleague, acquaintance, you really are….but it’s just yet another person who has hit the jackpot in the pregnancy lottery while you…well, your tickets have all been dud so far.

I was never the jealous sort. All my life, I was the one who would, instead of hate on you for being prettier, having better clothes, a better job, etc., would genuinely admire you and use you as my template. But when I found myself languishing in the desert of infertility, I found that it got progressively harder to smile from my heart when I happened upon people for whom getting pregnant was not an issue (some of whom found it an inconvenience even….ironic much!).

A number of my acquaintances and colleagues got married around the same time as I did. When the first person got pregnant, it was all so exciting, and I couldn’t wait for my turn. Then the next person got pregnant, and then the next. With each one, it got harder and was such a mish mash of emotions. The happiness for the person would be real, but so would the sadness…the reminder of my own situation. But somehow, and only by the grace of God, I was always able to pull myself together, typically after a minimum of 24 hours (LOL), and really be truly happy for the person involved.

Sometimes, it did get annoying though. I had an acquaintance who got married a few months after I did, that claimed to have been on birth control when she conceived, and how it was such a bother as she and her husband would have preferred to wait at least 2 years before having kids. Years later, I was to find out that it was a bold faced lie, and she and her husband had been actively trying from the very start. A relative of mine decided to try for a baby the month after she got engaged. She thought it would take her a few months of trying, instead she got pregnant that very first month.

I, on the other hand, had been trying for about 16 months at the time. The day she called to tell me, my period had just arrived, ending a cycle I had been convinced pregnancy would occur. I had barely gotten over the heart break of Aunt Flo’s arrival, when I received my relative’s happy news. I could barely manage 2 minutes of conversation. It took me the rest of the day to grieve and regroup. By the time I returned her call the next day, I had gotten over myself and was able to honestly and truly rejoice with her.

But the worst part about being in this situation and trying to be genuinely happy for people? It is the fact that everyone else is almost more interested in your reaction than the happy news itself. Be it in the office, church, a family gathering, when the news of pregnancy is broken, the spotlight seems to shift from the happy mother/parents-to-be to you, Mrs Infertile. Your facial reaction(s), body language, tone, words….everything is analysed and assessed and spun into fodder for the next round of gossip. If you’re over enthusiastic and animated by the news, the story becomes that you’re fake and a pretender. If you’re not as enthusiastic, then you must be jealous. Sometimes, you simply cannot do anything right by these casual bystanders.

Speaking from my own experience, most times, these friends, relatives, acquaintances who got pregnant were ever so considerate and even in the midst of the jubilation did show genuine concern for me (shout out to my darling girls…I wish I could mention you by name ☺). But I did encounter some…well…less than gracious ones. A “friend” of mine dodged me like the plague for the first few months of her pregnancy. I had heard she was pregnant, and it really hurt that she chose to avoid me. To add insult to injury, I heard from more than one person how she was “afraid” to tell me because she didn’t know how I would react. Gosh…that hurt! I don’t mind having a pity party by myself, but having everyone else make me the subject of such pity, or sometimes scorn and disdain, is not a pleasant option.

In the end, I had to learn to just chin up and face it. I accepted that it was okay to feel sad, but to keep the sadness as short lived as I could possibly manage. I learnt that, even in the face of the initial sadness, I had to master the perfect poker face, manage as genuine a smile as I could, and be as sincere as I could in my congratulations…especially as anything outside of this could potentially hurt the feelings of this pregnant person…but to keep this first discussion as short as possible. Only after I had had enough time to process the news and regroup, would I then seek out the happy party for a much more elaborate and enthusiastic discussion. This is how it worked for me…it might not be the same for everyone.

For the newly pregnant, the best way to manage your friends still in the land of infertility is not to tiptoe around them. This just aggravates the situation. Confiding in them as early as possible will pull them in, and make them feel a part of it. Acknowledging their pain and giving words of encouragement and prayer, will make the sharing even easier. Essentially, I have learnt that it is best for both parties to acknowledge the elephant in the room, and be sensitive to each other. Period.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images

Nicole is a woman in her late 30s, with a passion for all things fertility related. She suffered infertility for the first 3 years of her marriage, and found it extremely isolating. After she had her kids, she started The Fertile Chick (www.thefertilechickonline.com) to create a community and happy-place for all women, in various stages of the fertility journey.

113 Comments

  1. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 3, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I don’t know you, and you definitely do not know me but you absolutely rock.!!.
    I’ll come back to say something less juvenile than this but you are amazing in your humanity; your ability to not be afraid of your feelings and your grace. You are simply beautiful. Thank you.

  2. richbee

    November 3, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    So touchingg….may God open every womb that is desirous of this wonderful gift in jesus mighty name.

    • uju

      November 3, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Amen

    • Temi

      November 17, 2014 at 11:20 am

      Amen

  3. Anonymous!!

    November 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    God bless you Nicole for this piece! My elder sister is in this current situation and she is the first person on all of my prayer request list because of this issue. Lord Jesus, I know you will hear our cries before the year runs out, Amen!

    .She has been married for seven years, as a virgin sef, no child, no pregnancy, no miscarriage, nothing. I have personally had to fight some of her friends who make snide remarks about/to her. Thank God for her husband, the strongest man I know. Despite the pressure from his people, he has kept his calm and has not added to my sister’s headache in anyway. He says since doctors have certified both of them medically OK, that God will do it at his own appointed time He actually bundled his mother to the airport the last time she came and suggested that he marry another wife. People who don’t even know my sister from Adam just make stupid remarks and accusations. I remember this one time during Easter, I called her to ask her about something only for her to answer my call in tears. I was alarmed and I quickly rushed to her house. She told me that one of their tenant’s child had littered the front of their flat and she had shooed the child away. Children being what they are, the child went crying to his mother and the woman did not even ask my sister what happened, she just came to bang on my sister’s door, telling her not to touch her child with her evil hands and that if my sister had known the pains of pregnancy, my sister would not have shooed her child. Kai, my head turn. I went to the tenant’s house, gave her a very stern warning and told her if she liked herself, she should never talk to my sister like that again ever in her life. Two days later, my sister’s husband came back from his business trip and after my sister told him what happened, he gave the tenants a quit notice and told other tenants in the building that if they dare give my sister headache, they would have him to contend with.

    I am also in a not-so-similar-but I-know-the-feeling-all-too-well position. Almost all of my friends are married, save I and another friend. Then, I could always console myself that well, shebi me and this my friend is still single, not until two weeks ago, babe calls me screaming. I dint hear what she was saying, she asked me to open my BBM and lo and behold, her boify had just proposed with the most beautiful ring. I was happy for her but at the same time, I was sad because this means I am now the only single girl left from my clique of friends. I went out and bought a bottle of JD and drank myself to stupor. It was not until after two days before I was able to call my friend back and truly rejoice with her.

    • Grown Woman

      November 3, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Oh dear so sorry about your sis.My cousin is going through tht phase at the moment it is definately not easy.God will do for them at his own time.Do not worry about you being single, as one of the BN commentor once said “Love can find you at anytime and its the quality of love tht matters and not the timing” Keep praying and everything will be perfect the most important thing is not to be desperate.May God help all the singles out there searching for their soulmates. 🙂 🙂

    • chy

      November 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      my dear anonymous, we seem to be in the same boat. almost every 2 Sundays. in my church there is an announcement of “Wedding wedding wedding” and i feel like all eyes turn to me as its obvious am struggling in that department and they are trying to find out if am happy or not. they dont know cos they are not in the same situation to know what it feels like to be happy for everyone getting hitched and you are not. Its not easy to put up a brave face and be genuinely happy at this time. they feel its jealousy and my translation of jealousy is not far from covetousness and i have not desired another persons husband but they just don’t get the feeling of being sick at the pit of your stomach. if you haven’t been it the situation you won’t understand. while i understand and agree totally with the writer, i am sure she got married quite early and that is no longer her problem. consider not being married at 34+ and all i think about is the biological clock ticking at my child bearing goal. when will i get married and when will i start thinking of having a child when i haven’t achieved the first. its not easy at all.

      to all my unmarried young ladies i must say take heart and resort in prayer cos it will be better one day.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 3, 2014 at 4:14 pm

      I felt moved to reply to you because of the wonderful text message I just received from a dear friend that I count as a sister.

      My darling pal was unlucky in love for a really long time (you name it, she’s been there) and after she (and frankly a lot of people in her life) had just about given up on the possibility that she’ll ever get married, that’s when she met her now-husband. Very cliche I know but she met him when she was 38yrs old and they tied the knot last year before she turned 40. Chick frankly told us that she wasn’t even going to put herself through any stress about children because she knew the score and fertility issues a woman in her 40s would be faced with. Lo and behold, the moment they went off birth control, she got pregnant (very unexpectedly because she had just started a new job and was thinking she had a few months before it happened).

      God has been faithful and she gave birth to her baby boy this morning, barely a few months past her first wedding anniversary. To your eyes now, it may seem like time is passing by but her testimony is my response to your worries – don’t give in to the desolation the calendar brings. God can be such a powerful restorer of time if you keep trusting Him.

    • ML

      November 5, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      Take heart my sister. I’m single too and have been for 7 years. Last year I was in a full scale panic, and I ended up being quite miserable. This year I took my focus off of finding the right person and focused on being the right person and learning what God wants me to learn in this beautiful season of solitude. It hasn’t always been awesome but it’s been an eye-opener, I feel more at peace and I have come to the realisation that God is enough for me at this point. I needed to come to this realisation. The man, the children and the marriage will be bonuses in my life. Try and enjoy your season and don’t forget that in His time, He makes all things beautiful.
      P.S. – He is not restricted by time (your biological clock).

    • TA

      November 3, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      I just liked your comment 10 times! Big hug from me.

    • cleo

      November 3, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      I thank God for your sister’s husband. I pray she takes in soon. Also encourage her not to worry. Let her hand it over to God to do His thing.
      I am also in the same single situation as your are and men it is not easy oooooo. All my friends are married. They don’t rub in my face, but sometimes i just wish i would be married soon.

    • Grace E

      November 3, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      awe anonymous…I love your story..I also LOVE your sister’s husband… “He actually bundled his mother to the airport the last time she came and suggested that he marry another wife”…. BLESS him!!!..I’d love to marry a man like that; who can put his family members in their place.. a woman is already going through a lot and trying to deal with predicaments and then people to just keep adding to that…MEHN… *sigh* I hope your sister eventually is blessed with a beautiful child; one that will grow up to bring her so much joy..and even more if/when she desires more..remember Abraham and Sarah? how much they wanted a son? granted, it may not take your sis as long as Sarah to have a child….Patience PAINS…..but it eventually PAYS

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 3, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      A bottle of JD…
      Tried to drown my sorrows in drink but the bastards learnt to swim.

    • Anonymous!!

      November 3, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      Thank you all. I know God will do it for my sister and for all other women out there in need of a child. All we single ladies too, our joy is about to be complete and our burdens rolled away. Amen.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 3, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      Okay, the writer of this article rocks (Dear writer, I shall address that in a seperate comment) and your sister’s husband rocks in an equally awesome measure! Well done to him for shielding his wife from all of the hurtful people she’s had to deal with, while going through this time of waiting. And you rock as well for standing by her so she knows that she always has that support.

      Me, na wrapper I for tie go fight that tenant, oh. No time for stupid people, mehhhhnnnnnnn.

      As for the buying of the JD for numbing effects, I feel your pain. I’m at the age where practically all the friends in my own age group are married and I’m seeing my younger friends get engaged. You’re delighted by each breaking news of a new engagement but as the writer alludes to it, you know there’s going to be someone close at hand who’ll immediately turn to you in the middle of the rejoicing and declare loudly “It will happen for you too, oh”. I’m like, dang, can I just relish this moment of shared joy without you reminding me that I’m still very single? Yes, I know it’s a prayer and that nobody rejects prayers but I promise you that if you say those same words as a heartfelt silent prayer in your heart and really mean it, Heaven might hear it faster.

      So, here’s to Heaven hearing all our prayers (and those of our loved ones) faster. 🙂

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 3, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      Aunty Awkward, eh, some people just don’t understand the finer graces of silent “messages”. If they have not shouted their prayers to the high heavens to the hearing of the world and its brothers, they will feel they have not truly spoken. I don’t even understand why they feel compelled to speak.

      All my friends are married with babies. I have never being the marrying kind and I may find the urges of those who wish to do so unrelatable; but if you recognize that longing look in your friend, family members or just an acquaintance, you don’t need them to know that you are including them in your prayers or inform them of what you think they must be doing wrong.

    • TA

      November 3, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      @ Mz Socially Awkward, Thanks for this line ..’say a prayer in your heart,heaven might hear it faster’. I thought I was the only one o who encounters all these ‘well-wishers’.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 4, 2014 at 11:42 am

      My sisters, some people have no chill and we just have to understand that very pervasive fact of our people. I think having stood on this side of the shore, I’ve come to now exercise tact when I’m speaking with any woman I know that’s still praying for their first child after many years of marriage. I won’t, for instance, hail them everyday with the greeting of “we’re praying for you oh!” or see them holding someone’s baby and come and announce loudly, “your own will soon come, too!”.

      There are other ways to stand with them through encouragement and prayers and I wish people would be more intuitive about these things.

    • Patiently waiting

      November 5, 2014 at 10:17 am

      Ma socially awkward

      Didn’t realize you weren’t married. Your posts sound so mature, like you have three children, an awesome job and an even more awesome hubby. Not saying all this to make you feel bad, I am a single lady myself in the midst of very married friends. Just to point out that not being married does not mean that you cannot be wise, discerning and have a thought worth listening to.

      I say this cos there are many times when I give my opinion on issues especially in marriage or child bearing or general life topics some look at me like I do not have the authority to talk about them.

      Let’s keep being useful to our generation and making our mark. God has not forgotten us and in due time we would also post about our engagements, weddings and pregnancies.

    • fyre

      November 6, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Mz Awkward…..none of that “Ma” abeg…..makes me feel old already….my God given name will suffice jor

    • Addy

      November 3, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      Anon: Babe i just read your story, its really terrible and i think i know that feeling. Am not married yet but i noticed something about my health and now am even scared of saying YES to any guy cos i really dont know what tomorrow holds for me, Am really trusting God for divine healing in this aspect of my life but i want you to tell your sis to be strong and hold on unto God firmly bcos he is the only one who gives CHILDREN, He hasnt failed before and he wont fail her. A close friend of mine told me about a couple in their (one of the parishes in Abuja) who has been childless for 23yrs and you wont believe that they just dedicated their child few weeks ago. My dear thats what GOD ALONE CAN do. keep your faith and he will visit you with your own, who will love you till eternity and also visit your sister with CHILDREN that she will even get tired of having them…. Hold onto him, and you will see him show you his wonders.

    • Addy

      November 3, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      Anon: Babe i just read your story, its really terrible and i think i know that feeling. Am not married yet but i noticed something about my health and now am even scared of saying YES to any guy cos i really dont know what tomorrow holds for me, Am really trusting God for divine healing in this aspect of my life but i want you to tell your sis to be strong and hold on unto God firmly bcos he is the only one who gives CHILDREN, He hasnt failed before and he wont fail her. A close friend of mine told me about a couple in their (one of the parishes in Abuja) who has been childless for 23yrs and you wont believe that they just dedicated their child few weeks ago. My dear thats what GOD ALONE CAN do. keep your faith and he will visit you with your own, who will love you till eternity and also visit your sister with CHILDREN that she will even get tired of having them…. Hold onto him, and you will see him show you his wonders.

    • slice

      November 3, 2014 at 6:55 pm

      please has she tried IVF

    • Lola

      November 3, 2014 at 10:16 pm

      Girllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!! i can so totally relate. When i was younger i didn’t understand what drove people to drink, to commit suicide, to pop pills until now. I am also still single and the societal pressure can be so overwhelming. You are the brunt of comedian;s single gal jokes, the gate man in your office will disrespect you and even go as far as calling you that girl, every other pastor thinks you have a spirit husband, most people think that you must have done plenty shakara for guys whilst you were younger or that you were a runs girl, endless things and all of these plus another excited phone call from a friend who you were in the same shoes or another sight of your friend pregnant with their third fourth child (cos they don’t even bother to tell you that they’re pregnant anymore is enough to drive a sane person to just want to numb the pain to stop feeling even though its just for a few minutes. its not that you’re not genuinely happy for them, its just that you’re sad for you!!!!!! it has nothing to do with them

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 4, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Let me add to your list of perceived slights against “singledom” – when you’re standing next to someone you’re the same age with or even older than and a member of your church comes over and greets them “Good afternoon Ma” or “Good morning sister x” and then the same church member turns around and greets you by name.

      And I’ve specifically referred to it as a “perceived” slight (for this one, more particularly) because even though I get very tempted to take serious offence (as in, why the “Ma” or the “Sister” no reach my side? Na because I no carry husband dey come church?), have had to mentally caution myself that it’s not about me. It’s about other people’s skewed definition of respect and if I keep focused on the important things, none of this should matter.

      But e hard, oh. E hard!

    • mist

      November 4, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      Exodus 23:26″There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days.

      Tell your sister to pray with and claim the promise in this verse constantly. God is King! He will surely fulfill his word.

  4. hB

    November 3, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Touching story. never give up my dear. i had my first child 7 years after i got married, one day i boldly decided to stop the worries and self pity and instead i prayed and cried unto the Lord and asked him to give me a child. within a year my prayer was answered with a healthy beautiful baby girl.. God does all thing beautifully at his own time. Wish you all the best.

    • Jo!

      November 3, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      This people, this is the answer,stop the worrying, running around, crying (easier said, I know, but you’ve got to do it), and sit down, just you and whatever God you believe in, separate yourself, then trash it out, if you do not believe in any god/God…. I don’t know o

    • Changing Faces

      November 3, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      Really? See them…

  5. mrs chidukane

    November 3, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    I’ve been there. All the girls in my prayer list got pregnant, people I got married before and all but finally I have my own. It’s not easy, at some point I dreaded going out cos people will pointedly look at your stomach and make snide remarks. If you sneeze you’re pregnant, you fall sick you’re pregnant, and don’t forget the inlaws. In all I thank God for an amazing husband who had my back and my supportive family especially my mom. The only advice I have cos I know you’re praying and stuff is go out and have mad fun now cos when your baby comes, no time again and the baby will definitely come.

  6. Anonymous

    November 3, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    I do’t know you but I soooooooo feel ya badly. I am in this situation currently. Been married for almost three years now. Thank God for my husband and his family, no pressures. They just encourage and pray for us. I know God would do it because no word of His calls us barren. Just keep holding on. Be strong. I attend showers, naming, dedication and all and I pray that God blesses me as He has blessed them.

  7. Anonymous

    November 3, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    i have been waiting for nine years and it just hurts me when people think i dont have a child because i messed up my womb while growing up but that is not the case. my husband was and still is my first and only. How many people do i need to explain that to!!!

    • Plush

      November 3, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      How many people to explain to? No one actually.
      Enter into your personal place of rest sis, and let God do God.
      Do the necessary checks and ‘dos’ though. What He has given us capacity to do, He won’t come down to do for us o!

    • TA

      November 3, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      Even if you are able to explain that to everyone, do you really think they won’t think up something else equally malicious and false to say about your past? Some people are just like that. They are happy only when others are miserable and think up nasty things to say about you. IT might be hard to do, but please for your own sanity, do not listen to such talk even when ‘friends’ bring the gist of who said what about you, PLEASE do not listen. Chin up! Be strong and if you feel like having a good cry, it is ok. Just do not listen to toxic talk. Stay blessed. *Sending several hugs your way*

    • anonymous

      November 3, 2014 at 5:15 pm

      Dearie, to answer your question, ‘No One’. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone.

      Besides except your womb was badly damaged, there is no scientific proof that an abortion limits your chances of getting pregnant

    • slice

      November 3, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      pls try ivf if you haven’t already

    • Idak

      November 4, 2014 at 3:45 am

      You owe no one such explanations. Karma is not a proven theory. The rain falls on both the righteous and unrighteous. These things are not as straight forward as we often think. However, God is full of mercy and His mercy can and (I pray will) intervene on your behalf. Continue to enjoy your one and only, to the fullest.

  8. makeupbyebi

    November 3, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    @About Nicole the fertile Chick… i embrace your bravery and plain honesty! u wrote thoughts of mine i had few years and some months back… thanks for sharing cos this is so sensitive a topic that i was afraid to think it at some point. N yeah i too hv been at that cross roads of self pity and being truly happy with the celebrant. I choose to make peace with my situation irrespective of what celebrations where going on around me 🙂 🙁 we all came to this life seperately and have diff paths! i told myself that in my down times and it elates my emotions.

  9. chai, these girls wont kee me o

    November 3, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    chai, these girls wont kee me o

    It has shifted from “i am not married/i want to be married/my friends are married and i am single” to “pregnancy” things

    You people they enjoy o and you are so lucky you didn’t exist in the days of the Israelites, who murmured and perished in the wilderness

    Complain, murmur, anxious over everything in life.

    chai.

    Shey now God don give you the hubby, now na baby again?
    chai!

    Ungrateful generation

    • [email protected]

      November 3, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      That you have heart desires doesn’t make you ungrateful…and the writer never said she wasn’t happy for those around her who get pregnant..
      Judgemental people like you would have be the first hit in the days of the isrealites

    • anonymous

      November 3, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      How can you be so cruel and insensitive!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 3, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      And after typing out that foolishness above, I’ll put good money on a bet that your voice will be the very first (and loudest) one to cry, “Ahhhh, NEPA!!!” whenever there’s a power outage in your ‘hood. Truly ungrateful reaction to such a plight, when you should just be happy to live a candlelit existence with the millions of mosquitos as a reminder of how lucky you are to be alive and not have light….

      … Or maybe you curse out the government for the petrol shortages whenever you roll up to the filling station with your car tank running on empty and there’s a bold “No fuel” sign hung in front of the closed gates. I mean, you very likely already have two fully functioning legs, so there shouldn’t be any unnecessary entitlement to having a 4-wheeled vehicle that you can drive, in addition to having your legs …

      Abi? Afterall, God has given you the gift of being alive so which one wey you need electricity and fuel for again? Abi???

    • J

      November 3, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      Why are you even dignifying THAT human with a thoughtful response?

    • chai, these girls wont kee me o

      November 4, 2014 at 10:13 am

      Ode ni e, kmt for my screen jor

    • Nife

      November 6, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      Bwahahahaha. The person no well obviously and on the wrong blog

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 3, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      Hello Chai,
      Actually, its the other way round, God feels we never ask him enough because we trust in our strengths more. God is always happy when we ask. He is ecstatic when we recognize that he is not a some stingy, wizened old man with cruel eyes and a long white beard, wearing a white djalabia. There is nothing like asking too much from/of God. Ask David, he wrote most of those Psalms, all 150 of them with long verses filled with praises and thanksgivings and a healthy sprinkling of requests here and there.

      All that he asks is that we say thank you when we receive and give him glory. Each request before him is an exciting opportunity for him to show you his love and an act of trust on your part. It helps stretch your faith to accommodate the largess of his blessing. Do you think you ever hold out your hand and God is not there to clasp it in it? How so like man we wrongly think God is.

      Happy asking to us all.

    • Truth Teller

      November 4, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      What a silly and insensitive thing to write. Do you have any idea what people in these circumstances go through in this part of the world? Please watch what you write.

    • fyre

      November 6, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Ok…..make una no crucify @Chai…….shes just voicing her opinion which all of us have a right to including her/him. Yeah I understand the pains the writer and every married woman with no kid is going through…..but come on people! !!!! Especially my single sisters…….really yall, we come to this site and type up a storm about not being terrorized into getting married by family and friends and stuff like that, and that our time is coming by the Grace of God, and here we r lamenting about being single. No offence to anyone but in my opinion…….we r all hypocrites. U wanna get married cus of ur age, ur age mates are getting married, u dont wanna be the only single one among ur friends/siblings……..really?! In this time and age? We all just wanna get married just to belong, to be called “Ma” abi na “Sister/Aunty”…..tomorrow we complain of domestic violence, being bored in marriage, no kids and many thing that comes with wanting by all means to get married. FYI am single and in my early 30s and I know the pains especially when ur younger sister is about to tie the knot and u’r the bridesmaid…….hurts but am not jumping into anything thats gonna bite me in the rear end tomorrow. Lets all change our mouth abeg…….and leave @Chai alone cus he/she speaketh the truth and nothing but the truth.

  10. [email protected]

    November 3, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Sending you a dozen cyber hugs………….. It would happen for you soon
    I can totally relate!! All my friends are married, or planning their weddings and while i am genuinely happy for them i cant help the “‘when would it be my turn” ‘feelings i get when they shared the big news with me.
    God’s time is the best, he is never ahead of time or late..His time is just perfect!!

  11. di

    November 3, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    hmmmm mine is seeing your friends get married even though u and boo started going out long b4 they even met their current hubbys….boo just wants everything to be perfect before we tie the knots….oh well

    • Anonymous!!

      November 3, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      LOOOLZZ….At least, you have boo.

    • Ivy

      November 5, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      @ my dear anonymous, Abi o! There is a boo already sef. We that are not yet boo-ed up nko?

  12. baboushka

    November 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Your baby will be there when it is time for it to be there so sit back and relax. BN its like you guys were in my life this weekend with all these related topics today a certain person who has a husband with dead beat tendencies despite his high income just got pregnant for the fourth time to say I was shocked is an understatement I couldn’t hide my disappointment because this just means another mouth for us her people to feed! My friend called me cruel I told her the next time her very married relatives with husbands who have jobs start calling her for feeding money for her children then we can talk.

  13. Changing Faces

    November 3, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    Big hug from me to you… I have never walked in your shoes, but I’m very sensitive to friends who are waiting. I will never understand why people feel it’s ok to be mean to women who don’t have kids. Some act like getting pregnant is as a result of them being amazing humans, or some powers they possess. A “church sister” actually told someone who was waiting that she wasn’t praying hard enough, as God always answered her requests! I always say that I did nothing special to be able to have kids; I’m not the holiest, most prayerful, most virtuous… It’s just by God’s grace and mercy. That grace and mercy is available to us all. Just hold on, do whatever you have to to keep yourself happy. It’d happen

  14. bukola

    November 3, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    @anonymous you dont need to explain anything to nobody, they are not your God, just hold on to your God, those that had series of abortion sef dont always have issue getting pregnant when they are ready, we arent all the same. Talk to you God and keep your calm.

  15. ibi

    November 3, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    @hB, I Rejoice with you. can you kindly spill on how you and hubby were able to hold on, the tales etc…when the baby finally came. so others can learn pls. cheers

  16. TA

    November 3, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    @ Nicole the fertile chick, and other BN readers trying to have a baby, I pray you all get your heart’s desires. This may sound trite,but please do not give in to despair or lose hope. I read in the papers the other day about some Lagos lady in her 50’s who had a baby! She kept trying and trying! I cannot claim to understand what you are going through, but please when you do get depressed or feel frustrated, remember that there are people who love and care about you deeply whether you have a baby or not. I pray God blesses you all richly, way beyond your imagination. *Big Cyber Hugs*

  17. Omoté

    November 3, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    Thanks 4 sharing Nicole! It ain’t easy at all, u r genuinely happy 4 d nxt person but at d same time u get this horrible sinking feeling. It usually takes about a day to get back to being normal. N all d unsolicited advice n ‘eeeeyah God will soon do it’ frm aunties n friends just makes u wanna hide in d house n not want to see any1. If u avnt got a strong support system, d wait for d ‘2 cute pink lines´ on a strip can b really dreadful. Baby dust to us all anxiously waiting!!!!!

  18. ada

    November 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    I was married for 7years and God blessed hubby and I with a healthy baby boy. My advise is to seek medical intervention on time and wait on God. No amount of tears and self pity can help. Trust me. Loads of hugs!

  19. estelle

    November 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    this is just my two cents on the issue. I know of 2 couples who were having trouble having kids and after adopting had one and two of their own. One of them was my auntie and after about 6 years of marriage decided to adopt my cousin whose dad had passed away. she was only 4 years and she brought so much joy to my aunt and her husband. she took their minds off their inability to have kids and my auntie was her happiest. A year later my auntie was pregnant with her own. to her, her adopted daughter was her gift from God, that opened other doors for her.

    sometimes taking care of another’s child can open your womb. i’ve witnessed this and read it so many times. you don’t have to officially adopt if you don’t want to (it’s a blessing too) but it takes your mind off things, and gives you someone to give and show love to 🙂

  20. Emoks

    November 3, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    This is a very sensitive and hard topic, million thanx for this article cuz i`m in a similar position, the good thing is I got pregnant yet lost the baby in july after trying three times..i wish i had the time to write everything but what I want all women going thru this to understand is the gynaecologist you see has a vital role to play. imagine me being diagnosed with endometrioses first,first time i heard of it and when i googled it i didnt sleep all night but then again i started analysing everything and I relaised i`ve never had signs of endometriosis. later on i was told of hostile cervical mucus but thankfully i conceived in may. Now its an ovary problem so they need to stimulate the ovaries etc…please always get a second opinion…dont be afraid to try atleast three doctors, little things can cause infertility virgin or not… sorry if i dont sound coherent,rushing. Baby dust to all the women searching,God will answer us. With love from Cameroon

    • tunmi

      November 3, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      I am in no way trying to minimize all of your concerns and pain. Emoks, thank you so much for mentioning your experience ce with a gynecologist. In addition to your prayers (if that is your cup of tea) please seek medical help for both spouses.

      Side note: I am happy that you guys have supportive spouses. I realize that what should be the standard is not always the case, and this applies to you. It reminds of Nigerian politics (no offense). Standard practices deemed as high-achieving ones (that probably came across as insulting, and I am sorry for that). It’s just a new realization that many Nigerian husbands do not meet the standard of being a supportive spouse if the fear is that in a trying period, he leaves (physically or emotionally.

    • tunmi

      November 4, 2014 at 12:00 am

      I meant, this applies to Nigeria.

  21. jcsgrl

    November 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    BNers I guess y’all didn’t get memo that Nicole has already conceived. Thumbs up Nicole! This is a great segment to add to BN as several women are going through it.
    As a soldier in the fertilty army, resting in God and moving on with your life is the best theraphy. When it hurts, grieve and then move on. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your time will come and it will be beautiful. Do things that make you happy. Use the time to biuld your relationship as a couple. Travel, go back to school, start that buz, build your house, start that project. God will perfect everything. Plenty baby dust to you my fellow sisters and comrades

    • [email protected]

      November 3, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      @jcgrl her profile was added recently…when the post first came out her profile was blanck hence the assumption that she didn’t have kids.

    • [email protected]

      November 3, 2014 at 4:43 pm

      blank****

  22. titilayo

    November 3, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Not sure why any one will want to kill themselves or loose sleep because they cannot give birth to a child.feel free to pick one or more available children ready for adoption in your own backyard who will love you forever and even more than your own blood because you did something that their own biological parent couldnt.To each is own.I adopted 3 children at 23, 25 & 28 years old.My eggs are very okay and so are the hubbys.I had 2 of my own in between.Humans please know your problems never go away, they just change.Please stop berating yourself because of petty things..Expect bigger problems in the future, and no it is not a curse, life will happen..From no boyfriend to no husband to no pikin to i am fat after delivering with stretch marks all over to husband dosent find me attractive anymore to the children are driving me crazy and frustrated and so on.Just like almost everything in today, life has become if you cant make it, buy it and keep it moving.Depression and denial are two of the worst ailments anyone can give to themselves.Let people who have ears hear..My children know they were adopted, so no stigma there.Good luck to all those awaiting the fruit.And please if you can adopt do so, you will experience a different kind of happiness if its just a child that you believe will be the point of your existence in this life.

    • D

      November 3, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      Truly said by a person who has not seen an adopted child misbehave…I can write an epistle on adopted kids that will make you believe that being barren can actually be a gift. Adopting a child not knowing their background is not beans. My host family here adopted a little girl, fastfoward to 14 years later, this girl can’t keep her legs closed and I mean she does not mind who she gets it from as long as she is getting it. They have tried all sorts of counselling all she says is that she wants to have a baby at 16, she told her adopted parents that she can’t wait for them to die so that she can get all they will leave her in their will. She moved out at age 18yrs and told them she was not going to be finishing high school although she only needs to be in school for 1/2 the year to have enough credit to graduate. She is not the only one. another couple adopted a lil boy after the guy’s father committed suicide, today the now teenage is dealing with all sorts of depression and has tried to commit suicide so many times.
      There is no one size fits all with having kids and because that is what you think would work for you does not mean it is the best solution for others, so please do not try to belittle someone else’s struggle because you have not walked in their shoes. That’s why the word empathy is in the dictionary today. Gosh I hate when people do that

    • AVID BLOG READER

      November 3, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      WOW! Your view is so myopic that I truly pity your narrow mind. So are you saying that biological children do not misbehave? I have so much more to say but what is the use of preaching to a small minded person like you.

    • baboushka

      November 3, 2014 at 8:21 pm

      @D True Story I know two families where the BIOLOGICAL children planned the deaths of their parents so they can inherit their property they were too impatient and wanted to get rich quick so killing the folks was the best solution, The kid who masterminded the murder in one family is currently serving life, the kids from the other family are still on trial beat that! Titilayo you are my hero! I have been pro adoption for as long as I can remember God bless you girl for giving a home to those babies.

    • Miss Mo

      November 3, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Titilayo, surely there is a better way to make your point without beating one over the head. the fact that you adopted and it worked out for you doesn’t mean everyone must tow the same line.
      They can be sad that they can’t get pregnant and may never know the joys or pains of mothered and or childbirth.
      Please have some decency and respect for other peoples plight, especially when it comes to marriage or children.
      That being said, kudos to the writer,I do hope the every woman hoping for a life partner and child is blessed with their hearts desire, bearing in mind that happiness first starts with you finding peace and being kind and thoughtful

  23. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 3, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    When you are single, you learn to cope with managing things on your own like servicing the gen, fumigating your house and asking the security man to help zip up your dress after dancing round the house at odd angles trying to reach the zipper;

    When you have a boyfriend you deal with trust, weird colored boxers, when he called 4 instead of 3 times and heart palpitations whenever he is sitting by himself and typing furiously on the phone with an enigmatic smile on his lips;

    When you get a fiancé, you hope you bump into your evil ex at the mall or a restaurant with your fiancé in tow and hating yourself for it and wondering if that makes you a shallow person, Then you start analyzing why your ex still has such a hold over you then you wonder if you have moved on, then you wonder again why it did not work out, then you get angry that you are wondering and you keep wondering….

    When you get married, you deal with in laws, bills, and having to check with the other person and struggling not to keep up with the jones’ who would call to inform you of their latest purchase or success then you start looking for things to trump them and then you get drawn into that web and hate that you are in it; husbands staying out late to hang out with the boys (at least you hope it is the boys not the girls)

    When you get pregnant, you worry about being a good parent, what if the child is autistic, what if its a still birth, what if you die at child birth, what if you have the baby on the same day as your “first’s” birthday, and you start wondering if that is some sign of… something?

    When you have kids, you worry about putting on weight, dead romance and looking in the mirror, wondering if you look like your mom who you swore you would never look like, your kids performance at school, yelling at everything and everyone for no reason except that you just feel like yelling, keeping up with your career;

    and it goes on…..

    I have learnt to take life in stages. I learnt that it is not wrong to hanker for good things that should be mine; but I have also learnt not to let their absence rule me. I know people are working hard to make sure I’m aware of these absence(s) in my life and I may not always be able to control my reactions. I don’t make it a point to be stoic all the time; after all, we are stronger where we are broken after we heal. Thank you Jesus.

    • TA

      November 3, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      @ Bobos & Lara Bian my BN soul sister, ah…I too have asked the security guard to zip up my dress for me. Lol! I didn’t even think anything of it when it happened until I mentioned it to an acquaintance who ”made me see how pitiable my situation is’. Spot on about people who work hard to make sure you are aware of the absences in your life. Imagine!!!

    • jcsgrl

      November 3, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      oooh baby girl love you to the moon and back. On point!!!

    • mrs chidukane

      November 3, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      Oh my darling @bobosteke this your comment is the best and is so true. If only it was that easy

    • Just me

      November 3, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Very well thought out response. So true.
      The part about security helping you zip up your dress, so funny.
      I do not have security guard to zip up my dress so sometimes i simply change clothes because i have no one to help me….lol
      I truly enjoyed reading your post. Thanks.

    • fyre

      November 6, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      U totally rock!! In my bubble guppies voice lol
      Heres more….and when you are married, u worry about ur space, when do I get my space back? (Cus me being single now nobody can tell me what to or not to do)…..U worry about where he is at? when he didnt come home on time, what is he doing?”
      When the kids start coming u’ ll be so tempted to give them up for adoption (at least that’s how I feel when babysitting my 2 nephews, the 4 month old is crying, the 3 year old is making so much noise and will not listen….I’ll be so very tempted to….)
      Anyways na true u talk sha…..

  24. efe

    November 3, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    @ anonymous. l know that surely and truly,your sister will have her own children coming in set of Twins.
    l would like to share this TESTIMONY of someone very close to me by marriage.who had been married for 15years and no children but she and her husband,kept on loving and serving God,no matter the situation,and the woman kept on telling herself she would have her own children.My dear when God started His Work,in three years she had a set of twins twice and then a baby girl..l believe every child is a PROMISE from God and have a Purpose to fulfill on earth,the timing of arrival is in the Hands of the ALMIGHTY God,who has said that none shall be barren,this woman started having her children close to or in her 50s,normal deliveries. This God is a WONDER working God.
    For me each time,l heard she had put to birth,l celebrate the arrival of the babies and her Marriage,cause some couples in less than 5 years of waiting,it is either the man would go out trying or the marriage just packs up.
    For all the Singles, God will give you,your own very husband,who will stand with/by you through thick and thin,and not been shaken by dictates of others.
    In His time,God makes ALL things so so BEAUTIFUL.

  25. Mz Socially Awkward...

    November 3, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Dear writer, you this fabulous woman, you. Thank you for for being so honest and real about your struggle and I know that by sharing this, you’ve given a voice to the emotions of a lot of women carrying the same weight.

    As for that balance… ah, yes, that balance of expressing (and feeling) genuine joy and experiencing the inward sadness of knowing you’re still sitting in the waiting room while people who came before, with or after you have gone through the door that you’ve been praying would open. All I can say is that it takes Grace to wait (as one who is waiting in another area and praying that God will deliver me from any feelings of frustration that might lead me to do my own thing)….. so I sincerely pray that you and every other woman with this prayer on their lips will find more Grace with a strengthened conviction that God will surely lead you out of the waiting room by Himself.

    Plus, I share that frustration regarding friends who hide their good news because they’re worried it may depress you. As in, do you also plan to elope and have a secret wedding in your bid to protect me? Or delete your Facebook profile so that I don’t get suicidal when I see all the photographs and joyful wishes on account of your engagement? I don’t understand the rationale for being so secretive about good news and just believe that people who do that are projecting EXACTLY how they would have felt if the shoe had been on the other foot.

  26. Ohis

    November 3, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Hmmmmmm great write up…i have been married for four years and yesterday 2nd of nov my doctor called to say i was pregnant.am really grateful to the one who made it possible..GOD.to all my sisters still waiting it will happen sooner than you expect….grab this book..Waiting room by yewande zaccheus

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 3, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      Unfortunately, you cannot see the pakuromo I did on your behalf to God..
      Out of “@Ohis” ,perfect in beauty, God shines forth…

    • AAsh

      November 17, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Congratulations Ohis, wishing you a healthy and happy nine months with bundles of joy as the end product in Jesus Name.Amen

  27. Hannah

    November 3, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    So in biology class…..boy meets girl, Usain Bolt sperm jams the cutest egg and junior is formed. For many people it happens and for a lot it takes time! Been married for seven years now, I’ve had one miscarriage, fibroid surgery, ectopic pregnancy surgery and when I thought all hope was lost God surprised me…….in second trimester now.
    People make awful comments in the name of showing love which sounds like mockery sometimes but I learnt over the years to not let anything get to me. You ll be reminded of how old Sarah was before God answered her or how one couple waited for 22 years etc……. and people always wonder why you need money after all you are not paying school fees now. Friends and family members praying for you in public at the very moment you are not thinking of your problems or people feeling that you are not praying enough or going to the right church
    I can relate to what you are going through and even though it’s difficult ,never put yourself in a situation where people will start pitying you.
    Always remember that when Jesus shared the loaves and fish, everyone on that mountain got just that some got earlier and others later………babies will go round. I m a living testimony.

    • slice

      November 3, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      the people who publicly pray for you are the most annoying. if someone is celebrating another person, why use that moment to call them out

  28. Love

    November 3, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    I have hope reading this,its been two years of waiting with two miscarriages its not been easy its so depressing and its seems like everyone is getting pregnant around me i rejoice with them & i go to my corner and cry myself out especially after everyone thinks they have an advice for you thank God for my hubby he is always there to encourage me and i have always had so much faith in God he will give me my twins when he wants to, prayers for all of us trusting God,he will answer us very soon.

  29. D

    November 3, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    I will share my story not because I seek people’s kind words or pity but to give someone a reason to smile. My husband and I have been married for 6 years not long for some but long for some others. The first couple years we did not want to get pregnant but 3 years ago we started trying actively but nothing till date. But I had a candid talk with my hubby 1 because my period is pretty much non-existent, that is, no ovulation so chances of getting pregnant are slim without medical intervention (which we are actually in the initial process of undertaking) but I decided that not having kids of my own would never deter me from being happy for others. I never want to be the woman that people would be hiding getting pregnant from, so when the thought wants to even creep in I make a conscious decision to shake it off and rejoice with people. My hubby and I have decided if God does not bless us with kids we will be ok, we are open to adopting but the truth is I would love to have my own but it does not make or break our marriage or relationship and does not stop me from celebrating and being happy for others. I don’t even let the sadness creep in. The truth is most of our friends still think today that we are not trying or do not have any interest in having kids because we do celebrate with them whole heartedly too.

    • titilayo

      November 3, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      No one is belittling anyone’s struggle. I wish the best for you.But it’s with comments like yours that make children without parents become adopted.Adopted children act the way they do sometimes because they have had it very rough and no one to love them or give them a chance.I wonder why you had to include a case or two out of a million about a girl or boy that disrespected their parents because they were not their biological parents. Am sure there are many more about biological children that have even killed their own parents.realize that sometimes regardless of home training or upbringing if a child wants to be a thorn in the flesh, by all means they will be.It is difficult for one to be logical when they are going through issues..The world is a selfish place so we will always act selfish.Please don’t hate me or people that think like me either because that is what we do.As i said earlier for people looking for the meaning of their existence with children i wish you all the best.Children can be a blessing it doesn’t matter where they come from.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 3, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      Hey D,
      I often look forward to reading your comments on BN. They are pragmatic, sharp and very forward looking. You stand tall. I wont say anymore. Cheers.

      My avatar is just dancing all over this post. Sorry, o people.

  30. AVID BLOG READER

    November 3, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    This article is one of the most honest I have read in a while. It is okay to admit that we may feel a tinge of envy when someone else achieves what we crave. Letting that feeling linger is what is bad. For all those struggling with infertility, if you have tried getting pregnant for a year and it is not working, consult a doctor. it is better to know what may be wrong and figure out how to move forward.

  31. yea

    November 3, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    When I got pregnant last year just a couple of months after my wedding, I put up a picture and my friend whose marriage will be 6 years asked me if I was pregnant. I felt so bad telling her that I was barely married and already pregnant while she had been trying for years. She was happy for me but I try not to even discuss anything fertility with her.if she feels like it, I listen, but I never go there.

    People who don’t share with friends who are waiting may not mean any harm, they may just feel like their joy will open a fresh wound that their loved one is already dealing with.

    May I also add that men need encouragement during this waiting period too, especially men who are responsible and are bulwarks for their wives who are waiting. We will do well to uphold them with kind words and love too, men need reassurance more than we think.

    Strength and grace to those wait in on God for anything, may we find the answers, soon.

  32. Babym

    November 3, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Hi guys, im currently in the smae situation and my mum in law (bless her) sent me the article she found below. I found it really encouraging and thought to share 🙂

    “Then there was the time when my husband and I decided we wanted to have a child one whom we could raise up to know the Lord, who we could minister to and learn to sacrifice for and enter into a new kind of love for another person with. It had been a shared desired we’d both held from before we were even married—which was one of the things that attracted me to him so much in the first place.

    So when we were first married, I had prayed that, when the time was right for us to start a family, the Lord would put it on my husband’s heart so that he would be the one who would bring it up, rather than me. Almost two years into our marriage, my husband (who had no idea of that prayer) told me he thought it was time. I was overjoyed at how God had answered the first part of my prayer. And so I fully expected that he would fulfill the second part (the child), as well.

    But I didn’t expect that we’d have to wait for that.

    I guess I figured that if God had called us to this and had ordained the time for us to begin trying, then it followed that it was in fact the right time and a pregnancy would ensue. But it didn’t.

    For the first couple of months I remained positive. But then I had to start fighting off discouragement as it seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant, except me. In spite of the fact that we really desired this and had prayed about it and I wanted to be like Hannah, dedicating my child to the Lord.

    About five months into the process, we began sharing our struggle with close friends in our church community, asking them to pray for us, as well. It was a prayer request that we would soon get used to sharing, over and over again, month after month.

    And as we shared our desire for a child, dealing with the disappointment started to become easier. I still had many moments when I cried about it and wrestled through it, but my trust in the Lord was never shaken through it. I know his timing is best. And I had prayed that I didn’t want to have a child if it would mean they wouldn’t follow the Lord—that would be an even worse future to me than a childless one.

    I began trying to see this time of waiting as an opportunity—one where I could spray paint at will and kick up my heels to read for hours on end, uninterrupted by cries or hungry mouths but my own. I also spent it reading about the call of motherhood and preparing my heart.

    Because I still believed that God would fulfill my desire. I just didn’t know when.

    Finally, a year after we’d first decided to start trying, I discovered that I really was content. Yes, the desire still was there, but it didn’t pull at my heart strings like it had before. I looked at the life that surrounded me and realized that it was wonderful as it was: I had an incredible husband, a stable home, a loving community, a great life full of joy and pleasure. Yes, a child would be a cherry on top of it all and enrich it even more. But I realized I could not bear to despise that which I already had for that which I did not have. What I had was good; not having a child did not make it any worse.

    And of course you know what happened next. Later that month, it turns out, I became pregnant with our daughter, although I wouldn’t discover that for another five weeks.

    God did prove faithful. God did finish what he started. God did not desert us, but walked us through this season so that when we emerged on the other end, our faith was strengthened and our hearts even fuller than they would have been if he’d answered those prayers right away. His plan—as it always is, we must remind ourselves time and time again—was the better one. And I can’t wait to enjoy the fruits of it here soon!”

  33. phenny

    November 3, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    The various comments have been so inspiring and encouraging. singing… It is when condition is terrible,that is when Jesus will be wonderful.

  34. deenjay

    November 3, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    I can so totally relate to this. In my second year of marriage now and it seems like evryone around me needs to remind me of how ” God will soon do it” and me not been sure whether they really mean it or they are just been snide. But I can tell you that the most hurtful things to be said have come from family. My dad is supposed to celebrate a major birthday sometime next year, but he has told me and every member of my immediate family that he’s not celebrating because of me and “my situation”. Also had my sister in law ask me if I was praying “Hannah-desperation prayers”. What about the lady in church who I got married before by 8months and had her baby in July who never fails to mention anytime I am withhin earshot that “she just thanks God for the priviledge to be a mother and that she has a seed to show for her one year of marriage”. I just think sometimes that in wanting to help in these kind of situations, we do more harm than good. I am praying for God to just heal my heart of all the hurt and pain cos my sisters, e no easy ooo. I rejoice with everyone around me whom God has blessed and believe that sooner than I expect, he’ll bless me and hubby too. 🙂

    • tunmi

      November 4, 2014 at 12:09 am

      Oh my goodness, that is harsh. I wish I could give you and others a hug right now. You already are feeling this way and they compound matters. I wish you strength to find happiness in the little things. Also see a gynecologist, you and your spouse. I hope you both are granted your heart’s desires.

  35. Favour

    November 3, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    In the name of Jesus, everyone here who has read this article, you will be confirmed pregnant before d end of this year 2014 be still and know he is God

  36. Corper Shaun

    November 3, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Like seriously, so inspiring….Not just the article but the comments, i must confess that i was glued to the end, never took the time to read through the comment section as i did this because each testimony ring true and hits home. We should all be so blessed.

  37. Bestest!

    I was recently diagnosed with endometriosis and ovarian cyst, so hubby and i cant make babies until i go for surgery,and I have said to myself, I will not have sleepless nights because i’m TTC.

    My main aim will be to achieve other goals and try other options like IVF if it takes too long.

    • Survivor

      November 4, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Hmm, your comment reminds me of my experience. No, I cowered when I saw this. Then, I told myself, “sweetheart, you’ve come this far and God is so good!!!!”.
      I was diagnosed with both about 7 years ago. I will tell you having surgery was rewarding but the aftermath of it? Oh dear. I was being thought of as someone who had abortions that went horribly wrong and then Lady Karma caught up with me. (It is well o!) In fact, I used to tell myself that it would have been better if I had been reckless and done all the acid mouths thought I did, then all of these would have made more sense. At least, then I will know I got what I deserved.
      Having surgery can be very isolating and overwhelming. I had surgery when the pain became very deadly. I was at work when the cyst ruptured and numbed me downwards. Doctors had hoped it would shrink as I was quite apprehensive about going under the knife. It took me several years to HEAL. I had to heal mentally and physically.
      Healing mentally required that I stopped pitying myself and shutting out acid mouths. Some people in my life would mean well at the start, but at any slight hint of provocation, will remind me of how many hills I have climbed in my life. But guess what? The view at the top of any hill I endured climbing always looked beautiful! Thank God for that! Imagine, I will be climbing the hills I have come to accept as part of life jeje, and acid mouths will shoot balls of acid at me. And as their words miss me, I continue to climb my hill singing my “Kumbaya O Lord”. Hmm! God has been faithful because He does come by!
      I healed physically by doing what I love. I am addicted to doing what I love. What I want. And how I want it. You know? Hehehe.
      I also choose to eat healthy. The reward of that is, my “bulge” has gone. And I make sure I am happy. I still make it a point to surround myself with happyness and I remove myself from anything that tries to steal my happyness. Hehehe!
      Hoping all goes well for you.

  38. Idak

    November 4, 2014 at 4:15 am

    My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all the ladies who have poured out their hearts on this page ( and their husbands too, we often forget how are hard it is for them ). I desire nothing short of a breaking forth of dawn, in your situations.
    However, in the midst of the occasional pity parties, please remember that it could be a whole lot worse. Some marriages are worse than the pain of spinsterhood that you presently feel, not to mention the pain of parenting a child or even children with issues. I know it is not your portion ( by the way, whose portion is it?) but all I am simply saying is that if you look well enough you have reasons to be grateful and not lose your self confidence on account of issues that are out of your control. For every lady drinking a bottle of JD over the lack of a husband, there is wife somewhere drinking two bottles of same over a husband who is not worthy of the name or a child who has been diagnosed with a condition that redefines life completely in a sad way.
    In summary, do not allow your soul get bugged down by the comments and attitudes of simpletons.
    May you rise and soar in the face of all and may your dawn come,if not in this area then enjoy it in other areas.
    May those taking in seed,retain seed,bring forth in due season and may your seed be a blessing to you ( irrespective of whether you married as a virgin or as a whore)
    May those seeking partners not find partners that will make them regret leaving spinsterhood and may they find the wisdom and strength to withstand the friction and occasional hassles inherent in every union and partnership.

    • TA

      November 4, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      Idak my Idak. Thank You and welcome back. That’s all. 🙂

    • Idak

      November 4, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      My personal TA!!

  39. ada

    November 4, 2014 at 10:36 am

    This article and all the comments are truly very touching. Anonymous I was moved to say a prayer for your sister today using her as a point of contact for others in similar situation. God is faithful to complete what he has started. He created the institution marriage and asked that we multiply so as he has instituted their marriage, he would indeed cause them to multiply. The devotional I read today says that he would bless us little by little, step by step, day by day to be able to handle the bigger blessings. Your sister is truly blessed, the gift of life, sound health, wonderful family and I dare to say the best of husbands. Did I add that she’s a landlady “Two days later, my sister’s husband came back from his business trip and after my sister told him what happened, he gave the tenants a quit notice and told other tenants in the building that if they dare give my sister headache, they would have him to contend with.” Its not only one tenant they have oh. Ok my point is she is blessed so she should thank God for all he has blessed her with and with the thankful heart ask for what she desires. When you appreciate the little you have, he blesses you with more. We see that in the story of talents in the bible. Some of the challenges we face is just so God can be glorified in the end. He promised to crown the year with a bountiful harvest and I trust that as this year ends she shall smile. I believe it would all end in praise. Cheers

  40. mercii

    November 4, 2014 at 10:44 am

    HE makes all things beautiful in HIS own time. Only GOD can make things beautiful, whether single, married waiting for a child, just be hopeful. Not easy but worth the try.

  41. daiva

    November 4, 2014 at 11:35 am

    my prayers are with everyone to be granted their heart desires, but pls let’s really consider adoption, ivf, surrogate and odas. The world has progressed so much and d fact u dint carry a child for nine months doesn’t means it not urs, let dose kids be fortunate to av u as parents pls think abt it. I may be young and not understand all dese but I think focusing on love helps, Love ur husband and dat little girl dat has no one to Love her and teach her right from wrong. singlehood choi dat part ain’t easy but let’s think dat tins cud be worse and hopes God drags future hubby by his ears till he comes oh.

  42. mist

    November 4, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    wow BN, what did i say wrong? why is my comment not here??

  43. UB40

    November 4, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    This has been one of the most honest post/comments on BN, no faking it as everyone has poured out their hearts, God bless and grant us all our heart desires, AMEN

  44. mrsnyam

    November 4, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    I feel relieved reading this…..thanks nicole..ive been married for just two months and we have started trying ive known that i have a problem (PCOS) which delays pregnancy and i started seeing my doctor even before my hubby proposed and ive been praying about it and i know God will answer my prayer very soon and about everyone getting married, just relax u turn will come,i remember this time last year i was also asking when my turn will be as all my friends were married except me, i remember my friend whom i was her maid of honor in may last year calling to say that i should see a woman of God who prays for single ladies and i remember telling her how God is so close to me my knee is not too far from the ground i was going to pray and with God on my side d fixing is sure, i was only 28 and she made me feel i was too old for my boyfriend of 8yrs to want me again,well God did it for me when i least expected i,ts just a year and am settled in my home and happy…God will grant us our heart desires in Jesus name.

  45. Ohis

    November 4, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    Thanks [email protected] bobosteke and lara bian

  46. temmie

    November 6, 2014 at 11:47 am

    God bless @Nicole for such a wonderful write up. May God answer our prayers. I went through all the comments and I must commend the sincerity of the posters..one don’t know how lots of people are having it difficult ttc just cuz its easy for some of us. Baby dust to all mum’s in the waiting room, may God answer our prayers and give us double for all our troubles. Amen.

  47. Tee

    November 6, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    this post is the most sincere post have read so far. i could easily connect to the different issues. my mum last week came back happy from the market with a news of someone who have been without child for about 25yrs after marriage just gave birth to quadruplets. it really was a great news. bottom line is your time will come. so sit back and relax. thats what have also resolved to do.

  48. Nife

    November 6, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Wow. I tot I was abnormal actually. Because I always seem genuinely happy for the preggy bt always so weary of the unlookers around. Your points are all valid. Soo soo on point. May God visit everyone waiting

  49. KaKa

    November 10, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Wow so touching @Mz Socially awkward ur set time is near n I really luv ur comment!

    Meanwhile don’t let anybody write you off when God hasn’t.

    I was in a relationship for 8yrs wit my den Boo I met him wen I was 17 and we started dating till he had a job and it was time for him to settle down……in between the 8yrs I had 4 abortions for him and later in 2011 I gave my life to Christ n stop having sex with him. Ok time for marriage reached and everybody just knew I will be the “wife” even our Pst knew us

    I got the shocker of my life when he said he wasn’t sure I will have kids after marriage to cut the long story short he left me and married someone else

    But thank God I got married last year exactly a year after he got married I became pregnant the following month after my wedding had my baby in December last year and am pregnant for my second child…….meanwhile I hear his wife is still trusting God

    Now wat am I sayingz…..do not write off anyone because our destinies are only known to God. God sees our heart and can never fail his children.
    He is a rewarder to those that deligently seek him. If despite all I did and went through God forgave me and blessed me He will surely bless you all too

  50. kikky

    January 1, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    My Sister u don’t owe anybody any explanation was over 10 years b4 l had mine. D journey was so lonely but l decided l must live. Relax take your clinic seriously you and your hubby…..With prayers all shall be well. Ave u tried fertilaid supplements, ivf etc u will laugh last

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