Peculiar Okafor: 12 Questions You’ve Always Wanted To Ask

‘You got a secret but I think I know it
You want to let it out but them go call you *****……”

These are lines from Dbanj’s club banger ‘Oliver twist’ and like the person(s) Dbanj is referring to, there are a lot of things I wish I could say but they wouldn’t be socially or politically correct so I’ll just say some of them here. Most of them are actually questions that come up but I do not ask so as not to be branded negatively. Some of you might have had these thoughts (great minds think alike afterall):

1. Why can’t we all admit that we do not know everything and that whatever opinions we give on issues, are just opinions? I think it would save us the energy we expend fighting – all that time spent defending our point of view (most of which are either based on research findings that might change 6 months down the line or on our personal experiences which might not be applicable to everyone). We need to understand that there is ‘Your truth’ and ‘My truth’ and none of these ‘truths’ are absolute. I think John Legend was right in singing ‘Nobody Really Knows’.

2. Why exactly are abortions not legal? I get that certain faiths consider it a sin but pre-marital sex which is one of the primary reasons for an abortion is also a sin. Last time I checked that isn’t illegal, and no one should force their religious beliefs on others. On the other hand,if men could get pregnant, would abortions not be legal?. I know I sound like a feminist and that’s why I’ve never asked this question publicly but seriously wouldn’t we reduce the number of complications and deaths from abortions as well as abandoned babies if abortions were legal?

3. Deep down in our subconscious, do we believe women are slightly inferior to the men? If we say we don’t think so, why do people make statements like ‘Why will he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free’. Is the herdsman or cow buyer not superior to the cow?

4. Do we really like to hear the truth or only what makes us feel good? You could call it selective honesty, diplomacy, boa bla; but the truth is that we might not want to hear the whole truth all the time – that’s probably why generations before us had praise singers to extol the good sides of the successful ones regardless of their faults.

5. If all men cheat on their wives, what’s wrong with being a ‘Runz girl’ or at least dating a married man? I mean it’s the cycle of life, you do ‘runz’ when you’re single and your husband hangs out with ‘runz girls’ when you get married. And please don’t tell me about karma. If all men cheat because they are polygamous by nature, then regardless of what you do as a woman, your husband’s going to cheat right? While we’re talking about this, has there been any scientific research to show that men are genetically modified to cheat? Note that the key word is ‘genetically modified’.

6. Do we really want Nigeria to become extremely lawful? Because sometimes, I feel Nigerians might just want to be rich, comfortable and developed while still being allowed to cut corners. If you don’t believe me, watch the next queue or listen at hangouts and hear people refer to officials who uphold the law as ‘Rigid and uptight’.

7. Do parents want their children to be extremely good and honest or to just live their lives, become successful and not have any bad reputation attached to their name? As in, your son can be a ‘yahoo‘ guy in the University to augment what you give him so long as the neighbors see him as a good boy, he graduates with excellent grades and gets a good job or thriving business and nice family in future. As per the female children, they can date, even commit an abortion so long as they keep a good girl image. No one finds out about the abortion and they get married with lovely children. Afterall, ‘na who dem catch be thief’

8. Do parents think their children believe them when they make statements like ‘I was always the 1st in my class’, ‘I got married as a virgin’, etc? If y’all came first and got married as virgins, who were the ‘Olodos’ and ‘bad girls’ in our time you always tell us about.

9. Is it passion for the arts or the money that is responsible for the proliferation of entertainers and celebrities? We all know the rate of unemployment is so high and the kind of money these entertainers make can make one develop passion. I have no challenge with entertainers but I’m afraid the entertainers will soon exceed the fans and making money from entertainment might soon depend on how large your family is (if every family has at least 1 musician, I go first buy my relative CD before I buy your own. so those with 40 siblings and 500 cousins will have higher chances).

10. What’s up with everyone being a makeup artist, fashion designer and stylist these days? I mean, I like the spirit of entrepreneurship and all but there’s more to a title than talent. The fact that you are very good with dressing yourself up doesn’t qualify you as a stylist (or should it), get extra training if need be, so you can charge a premium.

11. Why are men beginning to wear female dresses? I saw some pictures of some fashion shows lately and I was like….. Creativity is not by force ohhhh. No one has ever gotten arrested for wearing Tops and Jeans. Could it be that men have always secretly wanted to dress up like women? I dunno and I hope you guys can provide answers.

12. Can someone explain to me how the female eyebrow should look? I am getting confused. There’s the ‘Inverted Nike’, ‘The straight eyebrow’ and then some that I can’t even begin to place. Make up artistes in the house, please help us out.

Okay people, here are questions I have been so afraid to ask in public and I feel lots of people have thought about too without asking. Maybe because we are a very appearance based society ( a polite way of saying we’re a bit hypocritical) or because we just don’t want to rock the boat.

If you have answers to any of these questions, please educate the rest of us. You can also share other questions you’ve always wanted to ask.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Zdenka Darula