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Grace Efezokhae: The Virginity Issue



There is a virginity tradition in Yoruba land called Asa Ibile (It is no longer practiced as before). It is a virginity test where the bride goes in with the groom on their wedding night with a white piece of cloth.

Later on that night after intimacy, if the bride is a virgin, she gets gifts of high value from both families and a symbolic message of white cloth with blood stains sent to her family, which is received with joy. But, on the other hand, if the bride fails, a euphemistic message of half boiled/roasted yam is sent to the bride’s family and she will be deemed to have brought shame to her family. And for life the bride will live with the shame that comes with the first night incident in her matrimonial home. No one ever questions the virginity of the man. I beg to digress.

I read the story of Andrea and her vagnitimus issue on BellaNaija and the comments that followed amazed me. People seem to think virginity is synonymous with timidity, frigidity and naivety. Being a virgin in this time and age still rocks. Even if one’s virginity may have been lost through sexual abuse, a decision to be celibate till marriage is highly respected. No matter how abstinence needs to be preached by religious organizations, the fact that sex is pleasurable in marriage should be preached and emphasised greatly. I read personal experiences of virgins getting married and they have the fear of having sex or getting frightened by the size of their husband’s penis.

I have read enough stories in my single life to let me know that SEX is one of the major challenges faced by marriages today ranging from boring sex lives, unwillingness of a couple in trying out new sexual tricks amongst others. Pre-marital counselling should get really detailed about having a loving sex life when married. I just wonder why people get so spiritual about talking about having a healthy sex life. In fact there was a time at the salon, a lady just felt embarrassed hearing the word “breast”. I just wonder how uncomfortable she would have been if she heard the word “sex”.

We were all born virgins, no one was born a sex expert. Even the so called experienced people learnt over time. It’s even possible to spend years doing the wrong thing or going about things the wrong way and keep telling yourself you are a pro.

No woman should be judged based on her virginity. Virginity is not a guarantee for a great sex life while married and even having a great marital life. Virgin or no virgin, Knowledge on sex and everything about it is very important. When married, be open to learn. Communication with your spouse is also very important and a balanced mindset on sex matters is crucial. I will be highly surprised if I hear an intending couple who have been waiting for their wedding night to not have talked about their sexual expectations from each other or even made any reparations at all. That, in my opinion, is disastrous.

Knowledge is POWER, get all you can. Experience isn’t always the best teacher and pornography is not of a means of getting this information.

The whole natural difficulties that we hear of virgins on their wedding night shouldn’t deter you from keeping yours. Keep on keeping on. Being a virgin does not guarantee a happily ever after. There are many other factors that keep a marriage, being a virgin is just one out of a billion factors. What matters most is that you both love, understand and respect each other.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Flashon Studio 

Grace Efezokahe is a finance professional based in Toronto, Ontario. She is an avid reader, writer and traveller who loves to travel and share her experiences for others to see the world through her eyes. She can be reached on [email protected].


  1. Magician

    December 2, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    people need to grow up and stop this “virginity” madness,
    so nauseating that thi is even coming from a woman. Why should women bear the sole cross of keeping themselves yet men praised when they can lay any single girl

    so much story for a hole that got torn at the end of the day.

    • Honeycrown

      December 3, 2014 at 1:15 am

      @ Magician, you echoed my thoughts on the issue of virginity becoming nauseating. Han ha! Last week when *Andrea touched on the issue of Virginity, I believe it was to bring awareness to Vaginismus but most people decided to turn it into a virginity rally.
      The word is Vaginismus not “Vagnitimus” as written in this post. I’m sorry but sometimes, I have eagle eyes.

    • Iris

      December 3, 2014 at 6:16 am

      I definitely agree that the double standards is stupid – especially when religion has been twisted so that only a girl needs to remain a virgin. However, do not assume that “saving yourself for your husband for fear of burning in hell” is the only reason for being a virgin. It could be a personal choice. Maybe you don’t trust enough for that kind of intimacy until you are in a very serious relationship. Beyond that, maybe the the trust builds as your relationship gets more serious and you just decide not to complicate things with sex as you start to talk about marriage. What do you say about girls who have been sleeping with their boyfriends and have aborted babies and babies, yet still clean, cook, and wait on him all in the name of waiting for a ring? Is that one not also a cross? The fact is that our culture of desperation for marriage (for self validation) together with sex in relationships makes for a terrible combination. It wouldn’t be so bad if the girl would have sex with no strings attached so that when the relationship ended there would be no talk of “I gave you my body…I took care of you…I killed three babies against my will” – as if you didn’t sign papers or at least give verbal consent to the abortions- but those are stories we hear a lot. Virgins should not go about with an annoying holier-than-thou attitude judging people. In the same way, don’t go around bashing people for wanting to stay a virgin until… (whenever lol). That’s just reinforcing that annoying “peer pressure” syndrome they probably lectured you about in secondary school.

    • Nahum

      December 3, 2014 at 11:04 am

      When we start praising men for being virgins and putting pressure on men to keep themselves for marriage, then I will buy into this Virginity Rocks ish. Anything that attempts to degrade women, I will not subscribe to it. Men need to be preached to about virginity. It starts with my son

    • slice

      December 3, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      but people just praised that virgin guy this week. I think the real deal here is that as with most things girls tend to talk more openly than men. i know guys who married as virgins that struggled with societal pressure to “do it” and struggled with girls dumping them because they wanted sex. it’s a personal choice and while women tend to be more open about it, there are in fact many guys that marry as virgins. and at least when i’ve heard it preached in churches, it’s been preached towards both genders

  2. christiana

    December 2, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    u are right

  3. Toebee

    December 2, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    Yay!!! Grace on Bella naija.

  4. EllesarisEllendil

    December 2, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    As a male virgin, I have to say its rather easy to remain one, I mean 24 hours goes by so fast with class, library, food, sleep, good novel and after exams games, movies, anime,series etc. You wake 20 years after and realise you’re still alive despite not having experienced sex. Finish up my studies, get married early and problem solved. I for one am absolutely surprised people have time to obsess about sex. Personalities differ I guess.

    • The real Lulu

      December 3, 2014 at 12:53 am

      You my dear are asexual…..

    • olu

      December 3, 2014 at 1:42 am

      Tell me you’ve never had a wet dream. If so, sumtin wrong with you.

    • Bank$

      December 3, 2014 at 3:41 am

      I think it’s time to come out of the closet. It’s ok to be gay

    • curious

      December 3, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      Very ignorant comment. This is why men like to lie about their sexual prowess. People like you trying to cast aspersions on their sexuality


      December 7, 2014 at 6:20 am

      Ignorance! like gay people don’t enjoy sex just like straight people. abi?

    • Nahum

      December 3, 2014 at 11:06 am

      GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Please make sure you teach your sons about the benefits of remaining virgins until they marry

    • mike doe

      December 3, 2014 at 11:40 am

      mr bookworm, Consult ifa….either u gay or ur problem is spiritual…..word of advice, get urself good pussy for 2015

    • BlueEyed

      December 5, 2014 at 2:17 am

      Pls stop with the gay comments, does it mean that gay people don’t think about sex or gay people aren’t sexual? This young chap has decided to prioritize and I’m glad he mentioned his education, sex is indeed over rated and at his young age, not what he needs to focus on.

    • slice

      December 3, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      i agree with you. not everyone is thinking about sex all day when they can be focused on other issues. if you’ve told yourself you want to wait till marriage, it’s pretty easy to that do until and i say until you’re with someone you actually like

    • Anon

      December 4, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      I assure you, dude, with the right kind of woman by your side you would find the same bliss my parents have right now…forty years and still going…never heard as much as an allegation. My dad said it is easier when you have not over-experimented. That your body is just like the brain of a newborn, the way it is configured while he or she grows is a vital part of how he or she eventually turns out. Discipline does not start after you get married, it starts way before then.

    • Nma Nazzy

      December 7, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      Your reply killed it. 🙂

  5. AtL's finest

    December 3, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Are we back again on this topic???? Ok I’m just here to read comments while sipping on my frapaccino

  6. Carliforniabawlar

    December 3, 2014 at 12:19 am

    Jah!! hmmmm…Emi o!! Jah! Jah!! hmmmn…….the spirit is telling me….hmmn…Jah!! I say spirit is telling….A lot of people will NOT read this article…but will (ignorantly) comment!!…thank you Lord for this revelation…Mimo! Mimo! Mimo!

    …and cut!!

    • girl

      December 3, 2014 at 7:02 am

      man i literally bursted out laughing .

    • D

      December 3, 2014 at 9:19 am

      lmso!!! you are hilarious!!!!

  7. Lamlam!

    December 3, 2014 at 12:19 am


  8. Carliforniabawlar

    December 3, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Jah!! hmmmm…Emi o!! Jah! Jah!! hmmmn…….the spirit is telling me….hmmn…Jah!! I say spirit is telling….A lot of people will NOT read this article…but will (ignorantly) comment!!…thank you Lord for this revelation…Mimo! Mimo! Mimo!

    …and cut!!

    Now BN, can we please make this the last virginity related post for a while?
    Tainzabunsh 😀

  9. Olayemi

    December 3, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Aunty. Are you a virgin? Answer first.

    • ada nnewi

      December 3, 2014 at 5:57 am

      If you are not her gynaecologist, It’s none of your business…

  10. anon kwenu

    December 3, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Biko not trying to sound rude what was the underlying reason for this article. I read it but couldnt get the point -_-. Virginity article don dey tire person

    • name

      December 3, 2014 at 2:51 am

      Second that! … I found the article so scattered like “huh”?

  11. Tee

    December 3, 2014 at 1:14 am

    Well Said!!!

  12. Anonymous

    December 3, 2014 at 1:42 am

    What’s wrong in what she said? She was only advising people not to be timid. It’s only non-virgins that’ll take offence to this and read it the other way. She hasn’t in my opinion said anything offensive. Na wa o.

  13. Eva

    December 3, 2014 at 1:45 am

    In this day and age deciding to keep ones virginity should be a personal decision, its not a big deal people try to make it to be. Virgins are not any special than non virgins. Its just a simple choice like everything else in life. If you are a virgin, fine, enjoy it and live happily. If you are not, then live happily too. It does not make you better or worse. Sexuality is part of being human. If you choose to wait to a certain time to express it, or not, just do what works for you and most importantly, what your conscience is at peace with.
    I tired of people putting virgin or non virgins on a pedestal.
    Just live and be happy. We are all adults and have total control of our bodies do what you want with it, dont look down on anyone for their choices.

  14. ngozi

    December 3, 2014 at 2:51 am

    whats up with all this sudden virginity talk/noise? abeg free this topic, we don hear..everybody should take care of themselves….next. cheers!!!.

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:12 pm

      E be like say na wetin dey reign for BN. If you notice certain topics reign periodically, there was a time it was about bleaching, every other day there was a post on that, then natural/relaxed hair. Now na virginity. LOL.

  15. jay

    December 3, 2014 at 6:16 am

    Gracie, nice article but it looks like you have two different contrary opinions. I don’t get it..are you saying virginity is something that should be awarded especially for females or are you saying that the virginity issue is overrated? I really don’t get it but anyway, my stand on this issue still remains. My ex bf was V and a total creep..caught him severally using spit to wank , he had a stack of porn in his room and he was a total perv! Kudos to the few normal virgins out there but most of them have major psychological issues..

    • curious

      December 3, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      Most virgins have psychological issues? Wooooooow. How did you manage to type that without thinking about what you were saying? How would you feel if someone said most non virgins were whores with deep mental issues?

    • anon

      December 4, 2014 at 7:04 am

      You and idoma girl should shift jare..she said “most”.. that’s a ridiculous claim quite alright but then she still said “kudos to the normal Vs out there” just classify urself amongst the normal ones and move on. I quite agree with her though..i have Virgin friends and their doingz is on another level. Reading sex stories, touching themselves and having corrupt thoughts..i just tell them to get laid already and stop deceiving humanity. Leave celibacy for those who can handle it. The V issue is now becoming a cover for sum hoes..they do anal, give head then come right out and say “i’m a virgin”. Tbh. Sum of them are just scam

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      “most of them have psychological issues”? I’m guessing you’ve done research and have data to bake up this outrageous claim? Or you’re using that your one ex-bf to judge every virgin out there?

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      *back up

    • Max

      December 9, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Hmmmm…you seriously think that male virgins have psychological issues huh?And all those who have no psychological issues are the ones many girls will still complain that they “used and dumped” them.What about the popular cliche “all men are the same”?There is a bit of split personality or outright confusion here.

  16. benny

    December 3, 2014 at 7:48 am

    Virginity is a choice. Down here, it is mostly based on beliefs.
    That said, I did not marry as a virgin. I did not marry a virgin and we sure as hell didn’t wait till marriage with each other.
    seeing as proclaiming ur virginity to the world in anticipation of some Nobel prize, I will love to proclaim my sensuality.
    I love sex. Loads of it. It is a major part of my life. It helps me stay in shape, it has given me beautiful babies.
    Let’s not forget about those endorphins: I glow
    Looking back, I won’t change anything (except the underwhelming sexual experiences)
    I love sex. I do not share beliefs that guilt me for loving something so wonderful. Good for you if you do…

  17. spoonfullofsugar

    December 3, 2014 at 8:26 am

    enough of the virginity talk. personality is everything! That is how they say one will always be attached to the guy that dis virgins them and now that I’ve been dis virgined, i cant even be bothered to remember the dudes name.

    • Olanma

      December 3, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      That’s your opinion. People have different opinions. I actually know people that have a different opinion to what you just said. You guys are taking it way too personal. She never said everyone should be virgins and she also never said virgins are better than non-virgins. For crying out loud, she’s saying one shouldn’t even be timid and uncomfortable about sex. I’ve noticed when an article is directly or indirectly about virginity, non-virgins take it too damn personal. You people know what’s killing you inside. The writer has said nothing offensive. Also, the fact that you can’t remember or care about who disvirgined you doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone.
      If you people truly didn’t care about virginity or not being a virgin, you won’t be so bothered to leave comments. Give the writer a break, she’s said nothing offensive. If you people are frustrated, meditate or see a therapist.

    • Miss

      December 3, 2014 at 6:01 pm

      God bless you for this. Virginity is clearly still respected that’s why the non-virgins are all up in arms. No one is. Insulting you abeg,take it easy and let us virgins bask in the glow of STILL being respected

  18. TANTRA

    December 3, 2014 at 8:47 am

    I am not a virgin. Pls, how do I get my virginity back?

    • nira

      December 3, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      @tantra; to become a virgin again, text CLOSE to 32145, powered by MTN….you can thank me later!!!!

    • C'est moi

      December 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Supposing you’re bum’s still a virgin, you save anal sex for marriage.

    • Olanma

      December 3, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      I’m sorry to inform you: Your pesky attempt at sarcasm failed.

    • Olanma

      December 3, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      That’s for Tantra.

    • Miss

      December 3, 2014 at 8:31 pm

      Pls contact @kayan_mata on IG or call 08095202906 she’ll fix you up.Thank me later

  19. ibkgeorge

    December 3, 2014 at 9:09 am

    @Jay I totally disagree.Not all have psychological issues.Having sex is not a do or die affair.I mean the days pass on so quickly you don’t even think of sex. Abegi sex is too overrated jare.To each his own.Am still keeping myself as a Virgin at 33 and am no prude,Do i get so horn?Yes!Do i have to finger myself or touch myself to relieve myself?Heck no!I so look forward to my wedding night with so much excitement.

    • curious

      December 3, 2014 at 5:38 pm


    • Miss

      December 3, 2014 at 8:32 pm

      Aww…..I have a virgin sister here. Bless us dear

  20. Dr. N

    December 3, 2014 at 9:25 am

    Talking about virginity will make a lot of ppl uncomfortable. Why? Many lost theirs without giving “informed” consent. When u write an article u need to be sensitive to them and celebrate abstinence over virginity. That gives a chance to those who want to turn a new leaf. Imagine I have been active for 10 years and I abstained for 2 weeks then I read an article that doesn’t mention me. There is no way I will not feel slighted.
    I think these topics are good BN. Since we must read about d nude ppl (like d kardashians), we must also read about those doing it differently. Thanks
    Gracie, next time, try to convey your point a bit more clearly. E hugs

  21. Noms

    December 3, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Come ooo, All of you saying you’ve had enough on this virginity issue, can you please skip any issue that has virginity in it. Especially this one with the caption “virginity issue” to save yourselves the time to read and comment.
    I am a virgin and will be 30 next month. Its a personal choice and I didn’t read anywhere in this article that said virgins are better than non-virgins. Like she said we were all born virgins and it was by choice or abuse that it changed. E don happen e don happen.
    For me, its not been as easy as a male commenter portrayed it. I have been involved in heavy petting and this imagination mess with my mind alot and sometimes end up masturbating (which I can say I have over come by God’s grace). Every choice in life has its consequences and challenges, so please, stop looking down on anyone because of the choices they made because they have their crosses they bear already, nor add join.
    Some men place value to having a “virgin bride” while some don’t have strength for virgin palava but there is more to life than being a virgin. After all how many times a day do couples have sex sef?
    My ex left me and hasn’t given me a concrete reason till now, whether na the virgin thing sef, I nor know. I have lost favors because ( I was stingy with my body) na my choice and my borrryyy abi?
    Whoever has anything to share about being a virgin, abeg send them in and those wen don taya to read virginity mata, please gallantly skip such issues after all its by choice to read and not by force.
    I hope to have a great sex life but whether I want my hubby to be a virgin*pensive* like I said earlier there is more to life than being a virgin.
    May God continue to help us because he doesn’t love us less, virgin or no virgin but as a matured Christian know yourself nor be curse.
    Wa doooooo

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      This is the best comment here so far.

    • Damito

      December 4, 2014 at 12:24 am

      You F ***** yourself with your own hand and call yourself a virgin!!! Really,!. My dear a viagina is a tight fist so you have just improvised . You are NOT A VIRGIN like most of the deluded people out here. You are just trying to be special by making obnoxious claims. And if I may ask since when did you fisting yourself become a needs to know. Who CARES. You see how your likes expose yourselves for notting, we must get to know about the state of your genitals becos you ve got no personality. Your party trick is your imaginary virginity. Oh please. Pathetic. I don’t care what you imagine about my private part, it’s private. Go wank off some more, you haven’t done it with anyone becos no one wants to give you any loser. DIY JOBBER.

    • Noms

      December 4, 2014 at 11:29 am

      The matter really pain you sha.
      Don’t worry, I am neither naive, timid or frigid, so I know exactly what I’m talking about.
      About not getting any one to do? You dey joke??? I hope so.

    • odafe

      December 4, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Exactly you are not a VIRGIN so stop fronting. Deceiving yourself. You have tasted sex by your own HANDS. I am not against self love. But I hate hypocrisy. You are neither pure or innocent. So stop with the lying. Tufa wa original Nigerian virgin as corrupt as the majority.

  22. JustaGirl

    December 3, 2014 at 10:06 am

    Keeping ones virginity is a covenant between you and God, and not to any human. It pretty much annoys when I see people come out to advertise it..yes you got married and you’ve got a whole life of virginity to pour on your partner. Its not a tool for achieving a happy successful marriage or life, there are a zillion other factors. But its a wait that deserves to be respected, after all isn’t that what is expected of us all?

  23. spoonfullofsugar

    December 3, 2014 at 10:38 am

    BN has really shown me that there are many virgins out there. See people o! virgin at 30, 33, etc! wow!!

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      yes ke…

  24. SunanaAmina

    December 3, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Just passing

  25. Angel

    December 3, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Only thing I got from this article ” we were all born virgins, nobody was born a sex expert, it is possible to be doing the wrong thing or go about things the wrong way and keep telling urself, u re a pro.” Most peeps be feeling like they know everything about sex, actually they are clueless. Sex this, sex that; they see an article on viginity, they get so uncomfortable, if u don’t like the article, pls move on haba. Sex is overrated…

  26. Hannah

    December 3, 2014 at 11:39 am

    Exactly Noms, u are on point. Pls if u are tired of virginity post, when you see an issue with the caption “Virginity’, just skip it. No need to read or even comment.

  27. Lolo

    December 3, 2014 at 11:57 am

    At least the natural hair wave has calmed a bit,it’s the season of the virgins!!!Hoorah BN,Hoorah!!

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      LMAO. Natural hair and bleaching.

  28. babygiwa

    December 3, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    If you are tired of the virgin talk, how about skipping the virginity articles. There, problem solved.

  29. sum1special

    December 3, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Virgin topic again? Can we rest on this issue abeg.

    • Olohi

      December 3, 2014 at 1:47 pm

      How about not read in the 1st place? That’ll help. You people are not tired, when you’re tired, you won’t bother reading.

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      Why did you read the article?

  30. ronke

    December 3, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    the writer seems to have contrary views/opinion as regards virginity. ‘People seem to think virginity is synonymous with timidity, frigidity and naivety. Being a virgin in this time and age still rocks.’ ‘No woman should be judged based on her virginity. Virginity is not a guarantee for a great sex life while married and even having a great marital life.’ Is she preaching abstinence or getting experience before marriage. Well remaining a virgin before marriage should be ones personal decision with God. true that being a virgin doesn’t guarantee a happy, successful marriage; also being a non virgin does not guarantee a happy, successful marriage. I believe everyone should work on themselves to be a better individual so they can be better prepared for marriage/relationship, be more open about discussing sex with ones partner, be flexible. i have friends who have been indulging before marriage and still say they dont enjoy sex. you can be a virgin and still enjoy sex; it all depends on how you are open to learn and experience new things.

  31. sum1special

    December 3, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    @Olohi…who ever said i read it? make sense of a situation before you write and how you come on BN to comment on comments and not the topic beats me.

    • Olohi

      December 3, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      I should actually be the one to tell you to make sense of a situation before commenting.
      You said “can we rest”, if it’s that tiring, you wouldn’t or shouldn’t have even bothered commenting. At the end of the day, you still commented. Like I previously stated, if you people are tired, you’d neither read nor comment. Have a great day!

  32. Winterfell

    December 3, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Good to be a virgin/Not bad if you aint a virgin, dont get where you stand
    Most virgins, fly this imaginary banner to tell the world how proud they are to have kept themselves, but secretly loathe at the fact that they havent experienced it yet

    • Uyi

      December 3, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      As a Man, my guys and I find comments and topics like this amusing. You don’t have to take it personal, you’d be alright.
      On the contrary, I feel non virgins (majority of the girls I know), get irritated when they hear anything virginity, anything at all. Whether it’s offensive or not. As you’ve mentioned that most virgins fly an imaginary banner to tell the world how proud they’ve kept themselves, I’ve also noticed most non-virgins take the issue a little bit too personal and overly sensitive (no matter how they try to hide it). It’s not that serious. If anything, and based on personal observations, it’s mostly non-virgins that have derogatory comments and things to say about virgins. To each his/her own.

    • Idomagirl

      December 3, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      “As you’ve mentioned that most virgins fly an imaginary banner to tell the world how proud they’ve kept themselves,”

      I respectfully disagree, most virgins I have encountered go through great lengths to hide it. Some craft a hypersexualized image or paint themselves as freaks(the sexual kind), meanwhile in reality they’re virgins. All because they do not want to be mocked or looked at a certain way.

    • Mabel

      December 3, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      Yeah. I mean how do you feel at peace knowing that your man tasted other fruit, but you didn’t. I can see if both partners saved themself for each other, but when it is lopsided, I just can’t. The thing all virgins need to be sure of is that this decision is for them, because remaining a virgin until marriage does not make a woman immune to ill-treatment or infidelity. Every time a woman who remained a virgin prior to marriage gets ill-treated or cheated on in their marriage they ALWAYS bring up the fact that they were a virgin when they entered the marriage. It is quite sad to hear because you can hear the regret and the sadness in their voice because they expected that the man would have treated them better because of the fact that they were a virgin.

      I am so pro-woman I couldn’t even encourage a woman to remain a virgin to please culture, religion or a husband; do it for you, as long as you are doing it solely for yourself then I am all for it.

    • Anonymous

      December 4, 2014 at 1:27 am

      So your point?
      That’s your decision and opinion, stick with it. Don’t force it on people.
      So because of the epistle you wrote, girls should now sleep around? Some dumb comments I see online, and you people will type it like you’re making sense.

    • Mabel

      December 4, 2014 at 5:45 am

      @Anon, if you didn’t get the obvious point then the message was not for you. The person(s) for whom the message is intended will GET it.

    • mrs chidukane

      December 4, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      Exactly! Don’t expect a man to treat you like gold cos you kept yourself. Keep yourself for you AND they always say u were my first why are you treating me bad. It doesn’t work that way sweetheart, the bible never stated any reward for sexual purity in a marriage. If it did please someone kindly point it to me, thanks. BN I will send in my own virginity article soon,loool

    • Jennifer

      December 4, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      I get what you’re saying but I’m still not sure what you’re trying to prove. Anyone can be treated like crap in marriage, non-virgin or virgin, so your point wasn’t really practical. No one is sure of what they’ll face in marriage so your advise is not solidly analytical.
      If you decide to be a virgin, follow your path and don’t judge others, if you decide not to be one, fine, but don’t force your beliefs on people. At the end of the day, your points are solely yours, very subjective at that. People always try to prove a point on why virgins shouldn’t be virgins and why they’re missing out. Allow people to do whatever they want.

    • Jennifer

      December 4, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      My comment is for Mabel.

  33. amebo

    December 3, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    All the non-virgins sound bitter. Cyberhugs to all the non-virgins, don’t kill yourselves. Life goes on.

    • curious

      December 3, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      They really do! Their bitterness is palpable!

    • Odafe

      December 4, 2014 at 12:07 am

      Prove your virginity if you can’t shout the hell up. I no girls like you. Really nooooooo.

    • Samie

      December 4, 2014 at 9:14 am

      @ Amebo you sound pathetic

    • Jennifer

      December 4, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Samie you’re actually the one that “sounds” pathetic.

    • Exquisite

      December 4, 2014 at 4:40 pm

      Lol Samie it’s funny cause your comment is the pathetic one. You’d be alright, I promise :*

  34. just me

    December 3, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Only in Africa or Nigeria, we dey carry virgin talk for head. Seriously, to each their own and the one wey dey pain them. If you are a virgin, great. If you are not, life does not start and end there.

    ****leaving forum, searching for other interesting articles*****

    • Noms

      December 4, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Really? Did you read of the 20something years old “oyibo geh” who put her virginity on auction some time ago? Is she African?
      If e nor reach to carry for head, people for nor make offers and then the geh change her
      Na the carry for head dey pain you, we don hear. pele

  35. Stella Kashmoney

    December 3, 2014 at 8:25 pm

    Great read. I passed the Asa Ibile test. Lol.

  36. Miss

    December 3, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Yippee!!! I’m a virgin and proud! Now go argue at the next incinerator!*Tongue out*

    • Odafe

      December 4, 2014 at 12:05 am

      I beg shout up, since when. Agatha no be u be dat. Since when. Wonders will never end!!

    • H

      December 4, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      Choi painment!!!

  37. Tess

    December 3, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    The most important thing is “CHARACTER”. BE WISE!

  38. baboushka

    December 3, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    Too many virgins on this BN sha!

    • Anonymous

      December 4, 2014 at 1:23 am

      Too many bitter people on this BN sha.

    • baboushka

      December 4, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Too many bitter anonymouses on this BN sha! Make I go enjoy some good mind blowing sex with my life partner that I am not married to and loving it jare!

    • Anonymous

      December 4, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      You can enjoy mind blowing sex with all your make friends sef. If you’re not a virgin, be proud of it. No need to make sarcastic comments about people who’ve decided to follow their own paths.

    • baboushka

      December 4, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      and no need to make anon comments to people who choose to enjoy good mind blowing sex your finger must really be hurting from all those likes you keep giving yourself huh? My first comment was in no way sarcastic you chose to see it that way if anything with all the stories we keep hearing these days I was more than surprised that we still have such a huge number of virgins on BN. Now run along and play the kids are outside. I just hope future grooms are keeping themselves too

  39. mike

    December 4, 2014 at 12:38 am

    One thing I know is that there is a difference between a fairly used car, a tokunbo car, a second hand car and a BRAND NEW (CHA CHA) car. There are people who value new things no matter how much sacrifice it will get them to get it while others believe that ‘TOKUNBO’ last better than new. These are school of thought with fans of their own. You wonder why some people would buy a car with AC and some settle for the danfo with the scorching heat in naija? My point, we can’t all like good things. You don’t get to see a #bugati everyday that’s why its so expensive and VALUED but so much OKADAS on our roads. The choice is yours, you are either an okada that holds no dignity for all to use or you are a Bugatti for that special someone. Remember diamonds are reserved for the few. Whichever road you take,if it leads you to your destination, so be it but please learn to respect those that value what they have. OKIRIKA na market o….aje a wa o!

    • Confuzzled

      December 4, 2014 at 11:16 am

      Your car analogy is actually quite spot on, though wrongly applied. The thing about most new cars is that they typically lose value immediately you start driving them. Its common knowledge…

      HOWEVER, if you do your research and buy the right car you might actually find that even if its an old car, your car will gain value with time (yes, some old cars actually appreciate in value lol). Brand performance is very important…

      I guess the moral of the story is that one should buy cars based on long term value rather than focusing on new vs used. 3 Year old BMW is worth much more and has better performance than brand new Gulf. All cars are not the same oh!! Be wise!! LOL

      Ladies and gents, rather than being smug about being a new/fairly used automobile, ask yourself… ‘What am I worth?’ Focus on being a person of worth and all will be well.

    • obi

      December 4, 2014 at 9:58 pm

      Ok mike I can tell you are a virgin looooooool. Bro no difference vagina Na vagina. No difference at all. In fact as a virgin guy any woman can deceive you with virgin talk be cos you would not no the difference looooooool. I swear there is no difference. But you will never no. Looooooool. LMAO.

  40. for real

    December 4, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    Anyone can claim virginity, there is no proof for it any more. so for anyone to be jealous of what cannot be proven is insanity. everyone claiming virginity even ones that masturbate daily to curb there sexual frustration. virginity back in the day when it meant something was purity, innocence. these days its a piece of skin on an old hags VJJ. the problem with my dear masturbating crowd is that the body learns to be satisfied by clitoral manipulation i.e fingering, Penetrative sex becomes a nightmare. yep for some of you fakers vaginismus is payback. so keep on keeping on deceiving yourself at the end of the day you will come and write an epistle on how your vjj has a mind of its own and tightens up anytime the cock comes near. its because your VJJ has been tutored on the act of self pleasures. and my dear Notting is as mind blowing as orgasmic penetrative sex.

  41. Dee

    December 5, 2014 at 2:12 am

    So much fusses about virginity..Chai! i cant believe there is another post on virgins or non-virgins. BTW I am 28 years old and I am still a virgin. However, I cant boldly say I am pure. Yes! i have never had penetrative sex before( vaginal or anal) but I have been involved in what some people will call “heavy petting”…never gone beyond kissing and smooching though..I mean i tell myself” anything with my upper body, i am fine…..and Hell to the No with fondling, touching with my “paradise”…lol… That being said, being a virgin doesnt make you a better wife or a good person less than those who have been there and done that…Being a virgin doesn’t even guarantee a happy home…I have seen those who got exposed to sex at the early age and they are still happily married..I mean if sex is what keeps a marriage, i am sure there would not be so many cases of divorce out there….If you are a virgin , yet you have the worst of all behavior….the worst of any terrible behavior you can think about…the fact that you married a virgin might not be enough to keep your home…Dnt get me wrong, I am not saying its not cool to save sex for marriage..Of course i am..My decision to keep my “virginity” is not because like they say ” your virginity is the best gift you can ever give a man”….I am keeping myself because God says so and for my own good.. I mean a month down the line, I do not get to see my period..I would not blink an eye because i know its just my period messes up..

    So for some of us who are yet to “technically do the do”….rather than focus on “hey, i am a virgin thingy”, we should work on becoming a better person, build yourself up,…and hey the fact that you are not one…You are still amazing just the way you are….

    • moderator

      December 5, 2014 at 5:58 am

      Nice one..thread closed!

  42. MsChief

    December 5, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    I am not a virgin. Do I regret it sometimes? yes. Do I think it makes me a bad/indecent girl? No. I have ‘close’ virgin friends that I can’t tell alot of things because most of them react like they are better than me because i hv had sex and i enjoy sex and it’s funny how they tell me of their ‘heavy petting’ experiences because they know I won’t judge but can’t tell other virgin friends. It gets me worried that there is an imaginary gap between women simply because of our level of sexual exposure, I think the “attack” on virgins by non – virgins and the need to “advertise” (for d want of a better word) their virginity stems out of our need for acceptance and the need to feel better than the next person, if not it really shouldn’t matter either ways. It should be between you and your God.

    • Nma Nazzy

      December 7, 2014 at 5:45 pm

      *nodding my head*

  43. ByHisGrace

    December 5, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    We live in a world that is ruled by new age thinking. It’s all about relativism- there are no absolutes…or are there? we tend to worship human rights over God’s commands. We call ourselves Christians and go to church yet don’t study God’s word for ourselves, but depend on a pastor or our conscience/heart to guide us whilst relegating God’s word to the backseat saying God understands, whilst we do what we want. We expect God to bow to us and have made ourselves little gods. Think about it.
    Please let’s not take God for granted or grieve his holy spirit. We hear very little about holiness and sanctification being preached today, but instead we are filled with messages of self and prosperity. Jesus suffered so much to give us this gospel and all but one of the apostles was killed for the sake of the gospel, yet we are so consumed with the temporary that we are losing sight of what is eternal.
    We only live once and after death judgement. I plead that we turn back to truth; that we reflect on the cross and its ramifications. With the help of the holy spirit with the studying of the word and prayer we can live lives that are pleasing to God in all ramifications. He loves us soooo much so please lets turn from our selfish ways and live in true obedience.

  44. zeedci

    December 6, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    I am 27 and still a virgin. I decided I’d be since I turned 16. When I look back, I am glad for the choice I made. Apart from the fact that I taught that I am honouring God by not sleeping with a lady I won’t married to, this has inculcated a special type of discipline in me. Ya I had masturbated in my teenage, but then… I am glad for the life of purity I live. That’s not to say that those who aren’t are lesser humans, but trust me I am happy with my life

    • Truth

      December 8, 2014 at 8:21 am

      You are missing the point. Sorry my dear if u have tasted sexual pleasure even by your own hands you are not pure, your virginity is therefore just a symbol.

  45. coolchic

    December 9, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    @ truth

    Says who? based on what did you come to that conclusion?

    The bitterness oozing here is unbelievable. you aren’t a virgin its your choice, leave others be. Its only because non virgins feel or know they have lost something or arent living right they want to judge others or cast aspersions on virgins. Abegi no be person send una.

  46. HerExcellence

    July 18, 2015 at 7:27 am

    like so many pipo hav said- a life of purity can neva b overemphasized. when you are not messed up in sexual pleasures(for we d unmarried) trust me…u ll hav so much peace.
    to all d virgins out der….kip kippn it. u stay pure cos God says so. and to d non-virgins, u can retrace ur steps n stay pure till u meet d one instead of being soo bitter with d virgins and pointn out dir masturbatn ish. we all are flawed in one way or d oda. live and lets live bikonu. Namaste!

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