Connect with us

Features

Olajumoke Awosemo: For Prospect or For Money

Published

 on

I grew up at a time when the society was still very sane. When young girls were advised to marry for love and not for money and that once you see that a man is hardworking and has prospect, he is a keeper.

These days, the society has gone somewhat berserk! The morals of the days of old have been thrown right down the bin. It’s no wonder why some women would rather remain single than marry a man with only ‘prospect’. An average of 3 in 5 young ladies wants to marry a rich man. Don’t get me wrong here. I am not talking about a regular income earner who is barely able to have a little savings after taking care of his monthly bills. These girls desire men who have no worries at all about how their money is spent. Men who can give their credit cards to their partners to be used just as the women so desires. Men, who can afford the red soles, the LVs and the Chanel bags without batting an eyelid, I am referring to the men who an aged security man will salute with honor just for some weekend tips.

That’s what I am talking about!

But come to think of it, don’t these young girls seriously have a valid point? One could even argue that they are forward thinking, because the way the world is going now, very soon, it’s either you are labeled rich or tagged broke. There will be no middle class anymore.

Folks like me can get judgmental all we want but the world belongs to the rich. The society celebrates the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ will forever be in servitude to them. The idea of getting prosperous through hard work and burning mid night candles is slowly fading off. People regard your pocket without thinking of how the pocket became full.

There is a very chilled out hangout spot in Abuja that I usually loved to go. I often noticed business meetings and work related outings being held there. It was my husband that first called my attention to it that the reason why the security men always tell us to park down the road, away from the entrance is because our car is not the type that they like to accessorize their cool spot with. He argues that there are usually still empty spaces inside. Each time we go to this place, he passes this very comment, and I usually remained silent. I thought he was overreacting and even just hallucinating (husband dearest detests overbearing security men). Regardless of this security guards brouhaha, we couldn’t resist going to this lovely spot as they just have a very nice ambiance and a good chef.

A few months down the line, we bought a new car and my husband couldn’t wait to pay a visit to our lovely spot just to prove himself right. Alas, once we turned towards the gate, like three security men were already at our beck and call, each regarding us with immense respect and telling us there is space just by a lush car parked in front. I think I was more annoyed at myself for thinking that my husband was over thinking the situation than angry at these security men because they were merely obeying the orders that they had been given.

The issue is, how many young girls are willing to marry a man who for the state of his car, will be told to park down the road and take a short stroll in, rather than pack inside and walk a few seconds to an already reserved table? How many young ladies are willing to keep having the same conversations with their spouse about having to manage the available funds for the necessary projects and leave the unnecessary ones aside? What right thinking young lady wants to start and raise a family with just ‘prospect’?

My two cents: even though ‘prospect’ cannot feed the family or provide the comforts of life that everyone deserves, money still doesn’t buy genuine happiness.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Monkey Business Images

Olajumoke Awosemo is an HR Professional, a Personal Shopper and a Self-Developed writer. Her interest in writing focuses mainly on relationships, marriage and related issues but sometimes touches on other current issues. She is a wife, a mother and jointly manages a relationship blog with her husband at www.hookedandthrilled.com/blogger. She also runs her personal shopper business at www.hookedandthrilled.com/shopper"

32 Comments

  1. BlueEyed

    March 26, 2015 at 3:03 am

    This topic is still an issue?? 1. Prospects 2.propects that can be achieved in little or no time or in a very near foreseeable future if not please don’t waste anybody’s time.

    • Don Nexom

      March 26, 2015 at 9:14 am

      Ofcourse, one must be God to kw a prospect that can be achieved in lil or no time. These days one is seen as being “desperate to settle” if she ever considers a man with just prospect. Money overrules all other virtues.

  2. Chidimma fora thy

    March 26, 2015 at 6:24 am

    Is hard to find a girl that married her husband because of love

    • Blessmyheart

      March 26, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      It’s funny how people generalise without hard facts to back up their claims

    • dee

      March 26, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      That’s why you can’t speak English

  3. ibi

    March 26, 2015 at 8:27 am

    ermm chidimma I married for love OOOO! even in marriage, women (even me sef) still eye and admire the ”BIG MEN” but for me ooo my PROSPECT is turning into Money. hahaha. The question i think is can you, hey you lady mama eying LV, can you be PATIENT?

  4. Aro

    March 26, 2015 at 8:36 am

    lol right! This is 2015, with the competition going on around girls. Go to where rich people are and marry for love! Finish! No argument

  5. enny

    March 26, 2015 at 8:44 am

    What is sane about young girls marrying for love? its the most insane reason to marry someone especially in this generation that you confuse love and lust!!. you can love anybody and not marry them my dear. your parents, sibblings, some friends love you, must they marry you?

    That is how people say they love someone and marry them despite visible red flags. all in teh name of love.

    what is love by the way? Is it sufficient to sustain marriage? My dearly you marry for character(commitment; selflessness; integrirty; hardwork; respect etc). Plus why is the so called potential tied to finance sef!!!!!!!!!!!!!! character itself is the potential!

    back to your topic there are several young girls that are willing to marry a man who for the state of his car, will be told to park down the road and take a short stroll in, rather than pack inside and walk a few seconds to an already reserved table. look around you many girls are marrying guys who dont even have cars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! forget teh danjumas, dakotas, okoyas etc they are a minority and basically on social media!!!!!!!!!! check around you and you will see that is true. in your church, ur office, ur neigbourhood, family etc. even the girls that are so aristocratic in school when they are ready to settle down, tehy marry normal guys.

    stop this holier than though atttitude!!! you dont need us to justify that you are a good girl. if you did not marry your husband when he did not have a car several other babes would have.

  6. Chinma Eke

    March 26, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Personally, I think marry for money or prospects has always been, it isn’t a new thing, also celebrating the haves isn’t a new thing, These are issues that are in our folklores, history books and date back to time immemorial. It’s not so much about being materialistic as it is about being realistic. Yes; realistic. Marriages, relationships break-up every day, a poor man/woman cheats as much as a rich man., and social status doesn’t guarantee marital bliss. Which is why any human; male or female will go for better prospects, at least to a large extent you can eliminate money issues from the many issues you’ll face in the relationship.
    Our generation didn’t invent materialism, matter of fact, its in our generation that we see some upper/ruling breaking convention and marrying commoners, lets stop making it a millennial issue, afterall, the people who are all for marrying wealthy are mostly our parents who are of the older generation.

    • le coco

      March 26, 2015 at 10:25 am

      1000 gbosa’s for u .. that exactly wht i said.. marrying for money isnt new

  7. enny

    March 26, 2015 at 8:48 am

    by the way i have been married for 12years and i am happily married. and i can tell you that even in the 12years of marriage alot have goneby that we both know it takes more than love to keep us going. marraige is about reality and sometimes that reality is for individuals.

  8. Bowo

    March 26, 2015 at 9:03 am

    …so i married for love…abi na prospect as una put am…anyhoos that was my HUMUNGOUS GIGANTIC MISTAKE!!! cos i should have married for money jooor…trust me this love thing will fade and soon you’ll understand its by far better to cry in a Rolls Royce than on an Okada or Keke Napep!!! na so so prospect excuse u go dey hear when ur mates are globe trotting to exotic destinations…getting zanottis…living la vida locaaaa…HOMBRE! prospects don’t pay no bills!!!!!!!! you need funds not prospect for romance to grow…Thank you and God bless!

    • Kaycee

      March 26, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      Y don’t you make your own money. This mentality is why rich men act as if u lots are some sort of possession. SMH

    • MC

      March 26, 2015 at 1:34 pm

      Where’s YOUR money at?

    • D

      March 26, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      @ Bowo, like many have tried saying (maybe not in the most positive way) if you want to the designers and the globe trotting life style. I will advise work and save for it. Marriage is a partnership regardless of the reason you went into it to begin with. I know many single ladies that work hard and save and travel so instead of blaming your partner for your inability to travel “like your mates” I will say what have you done to work towards achieving that? because it is obvious that is a goal of yours.

      Before i continue, let me add this envy is a terrible thing, and someone once told me the things we run after the most are the things that elude us in life because 90% we run after them for the wrong reasons. I like to travel myself and we have not been able to go on a vacation in the last 3 years because we have quite a few balls we are juggling and i knew that even 3 years ago when we took our last vacation that it would be awhile before we went on our next vacation, (having champagne taste on a beer budget certainly does not help either). I am however the one in our partnership that pushes for travelling for vacations so it falls on me to make it happen within our own means so what did i do? i sat down with hubby and said i want to go to timbaktu…so we need to cut back on this and to get there in 2-3years this is what we have to do. By God’s grace, now we are planning a vacation and trust me i am packing it with as much stuff as i can get within our budget, destination wise. What did we do?? We cut back on some of our spending, we actually sat down and I told him i am cutting back on groceries and some other things (Groceries took a major beating though). We did not starve but you know we Nigerians lovvveee our food, it did mean no buying of clothes and those purses/bags i so love but i gave those up so hubby knew i was serious and I was n just demanding it, I was willing to work for it so whenever he could he would add his own 2 cents here and there to the pool. I am not anything in anyone’s face but to tell you, you can too, you can travel, and go on vacation just like those “mates” you see doing it and you can do it by yourself. it might take 5 years but heyyy it is not a race..

      Also be willing to start small, I know everybody wants to go to Hawaii, Seychelles, London, Houston and co, but remember, Rome was not built in a day. Don’t look down on humble beginnings, you can always aspire for the a forementioned destinations but there is nothing wrong with starting small (this is where the difference comes in between greed/envy or just wanting something better for yourself). Understand we are not in the world to compete with anyone, (now i am not saying you should not let things/people motivate you but motivation is different from competing). We started out by just going to Abuja, flying aerocontractors for 20k and staying at a nice hotel for 5 days, or pH and then it was Ghana. Before you know it, you too are applying for visa to visit the eiffel tower in france or saying hello to “iya sharlie” in London. I only say this because i believe in positive reinforcement and i believe that helps more than any negative comments. I do apologize for the long epistle….

    • Al

      March 27, 2015 at 11:00 am

      @ D chop knuckle abeg. A major source of unhappiness for we women is constantly comparing ourselves with others. We do not run the same race abeg! This is the 21st Century my dear, so nothing is stopping you from making your own money and working with ur hubby to achieve your goals. I and hubby are not rich by any means but can afford basic things and even afford to travel once a year. My close friends are married to rich dudes who can afford to ‘trip’ them anytime they so desire. Infact its so good they could afford to resign from their jobs and ‘relax’. Do I envy them? Well I wont lie I would love to resign my job and be having a ball, but when I look at their lives (at least what I can see) I would not exchange my hubby for any so called rich guy and I will explain why. For me, maybe not others, character matters more than money which is what my hubby has. Like Kaycee rightly said, from what I have seen of their husband’s behaviour, my friends are treated more like property than like spouses. I was almost a victim of that as I dated an ‘oil big boy’. Money was no object, but it was obvious he felt I was his property as he acted like he was doing me a humongous favour by finding me worthy enough to date ontop me being an ‘ordinary undegrad’ and he being the ultimate ‘naija big boy’. I decided I would rather have a prospect who treated me like a human being than a big boy who expected me to be a ‘stepford wife’
      Long story short, be content with what you have. The grass is not always greener on the other side depending on how you look at it. Money will NEVER bring happiness only comfort. Except you have a lazy non-ambitious man, please work with your hubby as D has advised you and then you would also be ‘balling’

    • Obiaguna

      March 30, 2015 at 12:56 am

      You sound like a child.

  9. le coco

    March 26, 2015 at 9:16 am

    @chidimma fora thy… i totally agree with u but.. i dont think they r too hard to find.. bt gosh ppl r becoming more business minded wen it comes to marriage…
    i also feel lyk there was no time in our istory.. well atleast in the passed 50 years(or when our folks got married) that ppl were not business minded when it came to marriage.. i am even inclined to believe that more people marry for love nowadays than for other reasons.. how many of our parents actually fell inluv before getting married? the truth is there arent that many.. most men back then just felt that once they r done with uni, nd gotten a job, it is now time for marriage.. so they go to sm1’s house and picks a pretty girl(obviously with her consent).. the truth is not many women in my parents day would say no to a man that was working.. so to me that is not love… nowadays you actually have to date, like each other, and agree to get married.. this is because most women nowadays are educated so they will not just settle…
    but unfortunately there are still those archaic minded people who get an opportunity to leave nigeria, and come back to the country after a few years for the sole purpose of marriage.. this style of “picking” a wife is what people used to do back in the day. i mean how ca you just go to nigeria for 1 month and then come back with a wife.. which persons family agrees to such? sha..

  10. prince

    March 26, 2015 at 10:49 am

    Have you guys noticed how our ladies preferred to remain single because of this same issue. They want to rub shoulders with the high and mighty not caring how the wealth came. I wasn’t born in the 50s, 60s or 70s but like she said, girls seems to marry earlier then and have their children on time bcos they believe that prospect is far more valuable to riches..

  11. Que

    March 26, 2015 at 10:50 am

    There’s something off bout the tone of this article….. seemed like self-righteousness masked as public concern…. and that’s aside the fact that the topic itself ended in a cliche manner- pointing out what we know and staying there, rather than profer encouraging thoughts and solutions…. just highlighting a problem and asking ‘how many girls this, how many women that, never got us anywhere….

    We make a national mistake assuming everyone must approach marriage with one and the same goal……forgetting that our life experiences are as diverse as our number and backgrounds…. I believe the necessary ingredient is for the ‘two people intending to do the forever walk, to agree on why they are doing it, and agree on why they have chosen each other to do the walk with…’. If two clear-eyed adults make decisions based on yardsticks I don’t approve of, and aren’t likely to affect innocent bystanders, then it’s their prerogative. Expecting a single standard from another couple is potentially setting yourself up for reciprocal demands that you might equally fail to meet.

    The real question is how many people, upon observing your life and marriage (under a microscope) will choose to be like you and desire your kind of relationship? That’s the best way to spread your message.

    • Anonymous

      March 26, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      Que, you speak/write with great insight. Love your depth of thoughts; you could pass for a renowned writer. Kudos!

  12. Bukola

    March 26, 2015 at 11:35 am

    @Enny, you are blessed, you definitely said the words, love is a feeling & it can fade#God#character#understanding#commitment#patience#is what makes the couple work it out

  13. PH Boy

    March 26, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    …………love is not blind in Nigeria! Naija women dey see road pass. Ladies….Would you go out with a guy that comes to take you out to the movies with a keke Napep, even if God showed him to you. Would you marry a guy that has the best of qualities but stays in a one-bedroom at Idimu. Would you readily flaunt your bobo to your family and friends if he was very very broke but had the so called prospects + qualities. Folks should say the truth for a change. Marriage is serious business here in Nigeria as nobody wants to suffer but everybody wants the happy ending. Starting + Sustaining any level of relationship costs money and there is no credit facility involved.

  14. teetee

    March 26, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    @Bowo: i dey your side jare. I don date guy wey no get money and d guy no gree step up. Be sure the guy is not a dreamer because some of this so called guys are just dreamers and will refuse to leave the level which they are in. This prospect thing dey dicey jare.

    • nene

      March 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      gbam! i would marry for love first as long as i’m happy and he’s not a lazy loser, but if my guy wants to remain on a low level, i refuse to stay backward.

  15. jefka

    March 26, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    what is love?
    answer: love is a conscious and deliberate decision to consider your partners bs as trials that will eventually make your relationship stronger.
    what is money?
    answer: money makes the world go round.
    my fellow girls, educated and non educated “womens” (in mama peace voice) be wise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Ifunanyanna

    March 26, 2015 at 9:57 pm

    Sorry to digress. Mine is a case of looks. I am considering dating someone , but he happens to be on the big side, while I am a size 10. He really loves me and all and is really working on his weight, however when I think of all my friends’ boyfriends, I start having a rethink. Most of my friends are dating regular slim guys, while me who happens to be even slimmer than all of them might end up with this chubby dude.

    • bee

      March 27, 2015 at 4:07 am

      Ifunanyanna, you are not yet ready/mature for a relationship, you are looking at your friend’s slim guys who might be beating them up ehhh,my dear chill and take your time, you are still a child for those reasons you mentioned o

  17. kemi

    March 27, 2015 at 3:36 am

    You like what you like darling, but he can slim down but if he is crazy and slim he might never be sane. trust me if he is a good man in a few years u will regret not giving him a chance.

  18. Ba

    March 27, 2015 at 5:58 am

    This write up is a true experience of what a few week ago. Met this attractive ladies at my workplace, not a staff but visitor-strike a date with her-she honor it by coming to the eatery-we had fun-got outside to be going-and she demand “where is my car”-was about replying when she proclaim “she can’t date a guy without a Dr”-wow, she was serious as she left me in the open public car-she didn’t even bring a ride as I guess perfectly, she hump a taxi or ok ada like me.-bad date for me.

    I don’t decide to chase her further because her impression already signal a lot about the new relationship. If you lack faith in me, for me that is the greatest mistrust. I am just thinking, If I don’t get my life partner while I don’t have personal ride and house, when I eventually did. Standard must change.

  19. b

    March 27, 2015 at 6:44 am

    This write up is a true experience of what a few week ago. Met this attractive ladies at my workplace, not a staff but visitor-strike a date with her-she honor it by coming to the eatery-we had fun-got outside to be going-and she demand “where is my car”-was about replying when she proclaim “she can’t date a guy without a Dr”-wow, she was serious as she left me in the open public car-she didn’t even bring a ride as I guess perfectly, she hump a taxi or ok ada like me.-bad date for me.

    I don’t decide to chase her further because her impression already signal a lot about the new relationship. If you lack faith in me, for me that is the greatest mistrust. I am just thinking, If I don’t get my life partner while I don’t have personal ride and house, when I eventually did. Standard must change.

  20. Terms & Conditions

    March 27, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    This is why I say Pastors shouldn’t waste their time praying for these folks
    Many of them would have married long ago with prolly 2-3kids
    They want to marry money, thereby wasting your prayer over them
    stop praying for these ones I tell you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php