Connect with us

Features

Oma: Marry Well

Published

 on

I had a conversation with the cover girl of the February edition of tw magazine, Bola Balogun; and among the many things she spoke about, the one thing that struck me was her utmost respect and faith in her husband. She couldn’t start a word without reference to how supportive of her dreams he has been and how she has been able to submit completely to his authority. This may seem to many like she is under an authoritarian government in her home but that is not the case.

As we continued to discuss intensely about her quick engagement, married life and kids in comparison to the kind of relationship that young women have today, Bola blurted out the words, “Marry Well”. You need to pick a copy of that magazine to completely understand what Bola had to say about marrying well and understand how a woman well-grounded in her career, is able to manage her home front and still be on her A-game. She parties because her work needs her to party, but she prays because she understands the importance of communicating with her creator and she stays submissive to her husband because she is traditional.

Her words got me thinking and I wondered what the definition of ‘marry well’ could mean to a lot of women out there… owing to the many indices that have evolved in recent times. This is particularly because young women are being exposed to a lot of harassment in the society and the promotion of wealth by the entertainment industry. What is more is that technology keeps evolving and many new trends become in vogue which young people wish to get a hold of. How then does one decide whom to get married to and how to get married well?

In my opinion, ‘marry well’ is relative and depends on what is important to the individual. For instance, if I had parents who were aged and dying, with a lot of siblings way behind me whom I need to take care of and who look up to me to save them from the clutches of poverty, ‘marry well’ may have to mean that I need to become the second wife to that man who owns a chain of companies. He’d probably have a lot of affluence to throw around and extend the life span of my parents, give them a taste of the good life before they sleep in the Lord. He would resurrect the dying hopes of my siblings who may now get the chance to go to school, start a business, get employed in his company. If I am smart enough, the future of my children may be secured and they never have to go through the toils that I had to encounter in life.

On the other hand, if my dad is wealthy and I am an only daughter who has been properly groomed and well educated, what I want in life could be to work so hard and earn a good life for myself outside of the comfortable life that my parents can afford. Having done that, if a man tags along and throws his wealth in my face, he may never stand a chance with me. As a matter of fact, I won’t see his wealth but the content of his character. That, for me, would be the definition of marrying well.

A lot of young women have succumbed to all kinds of relationships that are heart breaking but who am I to judge them? However, I will like to take you down my line of thought largely influenced by my early thinking and better broadened by the conversation I had with Bola Balogun.

Shouldn’t marrying well be about marrying a guy who loves and cares for me like he would to himself and put me above all other things asides God in his life? A man who has a sound mind, intelligent enough to build an empire for us and strategic in his actions to create the needed resources that we need as man and wife to raise our children? Shouldn’t marry well be about finding that man who would help you to fulfill the tenets of the word of God that say, “woman, be submissive to your husband” and won’t lead me into the sin of disrespecting my husband or abandoning my faith for a divorce? Like I was told in Church, a woman should obey her husband and the man should obey God; but it becomes a tragedy when a woman has to obey a man who has no regard for God.

Personally, I would ‘want’ a man who can build me a mansion, buy me some diamonds, give me the Beyonce or Paris Hilton kind of life, take me on trips round the world and just make my career a lot easier to deal with because the mention of his name would give me all the contracts that I would ever need and in fact, make me the ambassador that I wish to become someday. But, what I really ‘need’ is a man who may not have it all now but has a future that he is working hard to see come true. A man who understands that I have to submit to him but he has to respect me. A man who will share his ideas with me and I can trust him completely to make great decisions that adds value to my life. He may not be able to afford me the mansions and the diamonds and the trips but we are happy and we work hard together to build an empire.

The Beyonce life that we want is one that was built on hard work not just of her husband but a combination of the two. If Beyonce didn’t have the body and the voice, getting her to make the dollars may have been too difficult for JayZ to Make It Happen for them. Many of the men that I have taken my time to study and admired never started out rich. They had to work hard to be where they are today. Even when they started out with ‘Daddy’s’ money, they needed to make extra efforts to get that money to yield more money.

In the end, the decision is ours to make. What does marry well mean to you?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

Oma Ehiri is a lifestyle blogger and a Digital Media Consultant. She is also a Talent Manager with Ascend Talent Management and the Media Brand Ambassador for Veba Textile Mills.Life is her source of inspiration as she curates her thoughts on her website, www.sotectonic.com. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @oma263.

31 Comments

  1. nur

    March 13, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    Marrying well to me will mean marrying someone within my Economic strata, who understands my need for independence, who supports my career path and who i love unconditionally and wants to make babies with me.

    • Onye

      March 13, 2015 at 7:35 pm

      Such nonsense that Nigerians, even women, think that Beyonce’s success is due to Jay-Z. Ridiculous. She became her own manager after ditching her dad. Nigerians, please women can make it in this world without men.

  2. Changing Faces

    March 13, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Yet another article on marriage in less than 3 hours… hmmm

    BellaNaija, please do a writing competition for your readers 🙂

  3. serene

    March 13, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    … what I really ‘need’ is a man who may not have it all now but has a future that he is working hard to see come true. A man who understands that I have to submit to him but he has to respect me. A man who will share his ideas with me and I can trust him completely to make great decisions that adds value to my life. He may not be able to afford me the mansions and the diamonds and the trips but we are happy and we work hard together to build an empire’.
    right there is what I want

  4. Sisi

    March 13, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    I agree with wholeheartedly with the concept – it’s one of the decisions that you just cannot afford to get wrong as can have heart wrenching consequences tomorrow and for generations to come. Of course there is always (most times) the possibility to get out of bad situation, but most people in hindsight would choose to ‘marry well’. I wish it wasn’t the case that your current situation should determine what it actually means to marry well – I think we could have a standard understanding of what this means. Some people’s situations do mean that they have to think strategically about such a step rather than just the love/respect/hope for solid future.

    I did want to point out that Beyonce has very much built her empire off of her own hard work – having a stable loving relationship with her husband I’m sure has of course contributed to her ability to do this and Jay Z’s business acumen and status should open doors for her. However she is certainly a force to be reckoned with as a separate entity as the brand Beyonce Knowles Carter – I don’t think it’s fair to say Jay Z ‘made it happen for them’. Of course I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship but this is my observation

    • Onye

      March 13, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      I agree about the Beyonce bit you wrote

    • Debbie

      March 14, 2015 at 6:11 pm

      They were both successful before they started dating. So they each made it happen for themselves first. Beyoncé fired her dad to become her own manager so she’s currently making it happen for herself not waiting for her husband. I’m tired of every day marriage articles.

  5. lolipop

    March 13, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    @serene,U just read my entire mind of this piece!!

  6. @edDREAMZ

    March 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Naija ladies want already made man, asin RICH BOBO……
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  7. Aro

    March 13, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    like Dabota Lawson . She married well

    • someone

      March 13, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      I dey tell you.
      GBAM

  8. Angel

    March 13, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Marry right, marry wrong, my boyfriend this, my fiance, my boo….. Seriously BN, give it a rest already, there are more important issues, entertainment news and happenings around the world. Nigerians stay fixated on marriage, esp women, like their whole existence depends on it, that’s why so many are in abusive relationships, just so they can belong. Btw I’m happily married to the most loving, supportive, best husband on earth, who gives me the world, but I don’t go around screaming my husband this, my husband that. Because there are other interesting aspects of my life aside my home. I tell my husband all the time, that he is my world and I love him so much but I also tell him (whenever he annoys me) that I had a life before I met him, and as much as I love him, if he screws up (God forbid), I will move on and continue life. Women needs to understand that there is more to life. for goodness sakes go out see world, get into some career that is huge & interesting, go back to school, switch career, learn a foreign language other than English, the list is endless, I have so much on my bucket list. Live, laugh, enjoy life, explore that part of you, u don’t even know exists, make use of those potentials God deposited in u.

    • someone

      March 13, 2015 at 7:14 pm

      Abeg calm down.
      We like marriage, we like love and relationships and we will always talk about it.
      While still living our lives, travelling, learning languages, going for shows, reading the economist and most importantly, serving God.
      Eg, im typing this while at work.
      Calm down ehn. Calm down.
      If you people don’t want to read about marriage, don’t open the link.

    • kaeto

      March 19, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      She empowered women who might feel the pressure of getting married to have any kind of significance in the Nigerian society.

    • Aneetah

      March 24, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      God bless you dear

  9. cti

    March 13, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    serene, im just gonna repost your comment;

    what I really ‘need’ is a man who may not have it all now but has a future that he is working hard to see come true. A man who understands that I have to submit to him but he has to respect me. A man who will share his ideas with me and I can trust him completely to make great decisions that adds value to my life. He may not be able to afford me the mansions and the diamonds and the trips but we are happy and we work hard together to build an empire’.
    right there is what I want

    GBAM!!!!!

  10. Angel

    March 13, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    Let me add that most times when u pour urself into ur career or whatever u do, and relaxed enjoying life, the right man usually comes along and sweeps you off your feet. But then again, it’s not just about getting married, one also needs to ask God for the wisdom & grace to stay married.

  11. Ifemelu

    March 13, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Please….please show Nigerian women doing more than getting married, thinking of marriage and wanting to be married. It is getting too tiring.

  12. Tee

    March 13, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    Let’s forget this marrying well BS. How about we women work hard, make your own darn money, and be successful on your own. Men do the same! You’ll both be marrying each other well. And tbh, we women want security, but I promise you, if you work hard and get your own security and be confident in who you are, you won’t just be looking for men to give you that. You’ll look for a supportive mate, somebody who will help you achieve your goals and vice versa. A man who is a man, through the good and bad times. No woman wants a daddy’s money boy, we want a refined hustler, someone that’s not afraid of failure. Someone that when things are not going well, you know you’ll pull through as a couple. With God, and hard work, nothing is impossible.

  13. Personal Signature

    March 13, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    There are many bokoharam members on Bella Naija. How do i mean by them being a BK member? They force their opinions and personal wishes on others.

    1. I have been young and old. One thing i have learnt is that we all have choices. Even the Almighty God gave the Israelite choices- Choose ye this day whom ye will serve.
    Therefore, there are different calibre of people on BN. The singles and the married, the young and the old….

    If you don’t want to be married, it is your choice. For those who want to, please allow them write all the articles in the world so that they can get it right and be there one day.

    If you are already married, please don’t make these young folks look desperate. We all have personal visions in life, if that is theirs, let them run after it. @ Angel, you have gotten your man, please allow them get theirs.

    If an article doesn’t go down well with you, you could either ignore or read and waka pass jejely.

    2. Not all that glitters………. Everyone wants to marry right or marry well. It depends on your context of “marrying right” and “marrying well”.

    All i would say is that in your choice making, make sure you apply sense.

    If you get a Dangote, Otedola, Lawson to marry who is still single, please go ahead. On the other hand, if there is none of the above and you have many suitors on your case but because they aint any of the above, you dont wanna do, it is your choice.

    We all should take responsibility for our choices and decisions.
    🙂

  14. Ibinabo

    March 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    To all those complaining about relationship-based articles, remember you had the option to not click on the post. You guys never drop comments on ‘more serious’ posts to at least indicate that those posts are interesting (sometimes such posts have no comments sef) so don’t complain!!

  15. The Truth

    March 13, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    The emphasis on Marriage especially in Nigeria is way too much. It’s worrying because not only does it reduce the IQ but puts one’s thinking in a box. My nieces are only in 200l and they were giving advice to a friend who was in a turbulent relationship (apparently hidden from her family and yes I was eavesdropping) and the younger one said “abeg leave him joor after all he wont marry you. I was sad! These are 18-19 year olds. How did they get there? It’s just sad! And most of the time write ups like this continues to fuel their thinking towards this overly magnified topic. Theres a lot more to life than marriage and love and sex and we owe it to any young girl out there to preach it until the perception changes and I mean anyone who reads this. It’s important that they educate and continually improve themselves, read more, be informed about the things happening around the world, be able to hold an intelligent informed conversation- spend less time on Instagram, FB and Twitter and LIB. Remember there will be no change until we decide change. It is well!

  16. Imose

    March 13, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    Other issues in life have a definite formula to work with but marriage has none !! Marrying well is everything being equal and balanced ! Two vital signs to look out for :are you equally yoked and how compatible are you both in terms of being together in all facets of life .
    Please and please Marry for the right reasons . Marriage can make you or mar you!! I am a testimony. I came from a broken home and the effects on I and siblings ehn I don’t wish it on any one . We survived but not every one of us as children from such background got it all well . I have two sisters suffering from depression. No thanks to our father . It’s what it is . We must move on and make the most out of life . Every day above the ground is a great day … That’s my mantra daily , no worries , more thanks !! Please marry well for your good and that of your children ! I am blessed with the most amazing man and I see it as a restoration from God for the all the years I lost of not having fatherly love or similar care from a male angle . It was a leap of faith and that result is to the glory of God!! Again I say marry well #shalom

    • chi-e-z

      March 14, 2015 at 1:03 am

      You can say that again… smtimes I been dey look @ my parents like y did this 2 people ever get married? and they were in love..i guess… but you can tell they are like night and day honestly no one wants to live in WWIII constantly. please 4 sake of your hapiness and sanity don’t marry if you’re not ready honestly your kids will thank u 4 it.

    • Imose

      March 14, 2015 at 9:27 am

      My dear… It’s a nightmare one can’t wait to stop experiencing !! It will end in praise dear, be strong !! E-hugs**

  17. cti

    March 13, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    @personal signature, God bless you
    Everyone is different, For some people marriage is their life goal or achievement, so let them be.
    I used to be judgmental when peoples opinion or ideology were quite different from mine, but as I grow in the lord, iv become more tolerant because Everyone cant be like me or even you out there.
    ‘Marriage” will always be a topic of discussion till Jesus comes. Deal with it !!! and leave people that want(not desperate) to get married alone.
    I agree building your career/business and becoming financially independent is important but know that everyone’s destiny is different. some women will marry into wealth, some others will build their empire themselves and for some their potential partners will empower them financially before marriage.
    So lets learn to be more accommodating of other peoples opinion.
    BN you guys do a fab job!

  18. amh

    March 13, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    lovely writeup except the Beyonce part which has been corrected. Marrying well to me when i was single is going for a good guy with christian belifs and from a good home. With potentials. Focused. Loving kind and has a drive for sucess. My hubby was not rich when we married. He was a bachelor with drive to suceed. Loving. Articulate highly intelligent and from a good home.I personally think its always good to look at the home ghe spouse comes from
    I might be old school but listening to your parents to acesss the love of your life is very important. At times they see what you dont see. Then finally . His attitude to you and peeps around you and if hes or she is hardworking. Has the need to suceed or loving or order traits depends on individual. Things has changed with the social media thingy. The young wants to marty their ancestor. Or be babymama or marry an overnite millionaire whether na armed robber or otokokoto dem no care. What happened to looking for attributes you like and not the money. My frd was in an abusive relationship but she went on to marry the guy cuz of money. He was disrespectful to elders and to everyone around him. I cringed around him but to cut the story short. he beat her blue black and nearly killed her. Shes still married to him suffering and smilling .she will run away and go back to the guy with her kids again.the guy is a beast
    I do not understand the crazy love or maybe money but hes still the same. To me example i presume of marrying well is Dakore Akande. She married well from a good home with a loving rich husband that supports her in career and encourages her. She has come a long way from her brash sef. Shes well respected. Demure sophisticated . A brand ambassador. A fashionista. And a career Woman. She married the love of her life and not his father. Unlike the babe dt married her grandpa and wants invisible girls to emulate her. Dakore Akande should be a role model to young girls.

  19. Bimps

    March 14, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    The Beyoncé part couldn’t be more wrong. I’m offended on her behalf self. Jay z didn’t make it happen for her. She was the lead singer of one of the most successful girl group of all time. The woman worked hard ever since her childhood today reach where she is today. It’s not right to downplay all she worked for by attributing the life she lives as Jay z making it happen for them. The same woman didn’t want to marry early till she achieved what she had set out to do. Infact he rapped about her loving her work more than him. So before you hope for a Beyoncé life thinking you get everything handed to you by a Jay z remember that she has achieved everything through hardwork and dedication. At the risk of sounding like a stan I had to write this comment because many times women’s success are attributed to men which is often not so with men. At the end of the day we should all work hard towards making ourselves better first.

  20. chy

    March 15, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Funny, how everything about marriage, the women think is all geared towards or about them. Marry well is also for the men. Men marry well; women marry well. Marriage is all about men and women. There should be more articles out there geared towards helping men marry well cause a lot of them think marriage should happen when they are presured or at certain age. Maturity is a high requirement. And women stop thinking every marriage articles is about you and requires you defensive response. Let the men respond.

  21. kaeto

    March 19, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    A man that is in control of his life – he knows who he is, what he needs and how to get it. A man of Character with wisdom, knowledge and understanding is best to marry. I do not see any reason to be with a man of potentials if you have not fulfilled yours. How can somebody carry you up when he is also down. I see the importance of being with a man that only adds value.

  22. Aneetah

    March 24, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    God bless you all for your comments. BN please post my comment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php