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BN Prose: God Bless My Hustle by Chiugo Akaolisa (Part 2)
***Editor’s note: This piece is a continuation from last week’s BN Prose. {Click here if you missed it}
I got up from the bed and carried my son with me. He was a splitting image of his father save for his light skinned complexion and light brown eyes which was mine. The 7 year old little rascal was the only thing that made sense in my world. One quick glance at James who was still sleeping on the bed, I closed the door of our bedroom. It took everything I had in me not to bang the door shut and wake up sleeping beauty. I went into my son’s room and gently laid him on the bed and then I sat on the floor. My head started running through the day’s plan. I had to take Dylan to school, go for my monthly medical check-up, see Chief Pius, pick up my son from school, work out and make dinner. I had to make it work! I said a brief prayer and ended it with “God bless my hustle”. I knew I was the biggest hypocrite on planet earth but I felt that the day I forgot to pray, I would catch some STD or worse, meet some crazy wife/fiancée. Chief Pius was my 3 o’clock today; he is James’ boss. For anyone who has been seeing me as heartless, I was about to go ask for a promotion package for my husband and I was prepared to do anything to get it. Things we do for family! Chief Pius and I’s relationship is what I call “Phone a friend”. Let me explain.
“Who wants to be a Millionaire” is my favorite game show. Since I discovered it one boring afternoon, I have never missed an episode. I love the fact that every contestant is stripped of status, race, class and all those other bullshit and is left with intellect, poise and a little bit of luck. I have since attributed these qualities in my life. If I wanted anything, these three qualities went a long way in helping me get it. I also liked the fact that you were only allowed to bring only one family member to the show you can look to for encouragement. This absolutely made sense! In this business, you only needed one person who you could share everything with, preferably someone in the business as well. This person was my friend, Tracy, my mentor. It also made sense to limit the amount of friends kept that way, their friends and family won’t be off limit.
When I began this life a year and half ago, I thought I would be funny to group my clients according to the life-lines offered on the show because they are my “life-line”; get it? The life-line group was based on the kinds of men, the size of the favours I received and what I had to do to get them.
The first group of men is called phone-a-friend. These men are also called “tight fix, instant gratification”. They are very influential and very discreet. If I needed a private jet for a birthday trip with friends, I would do what was necessary to get it. There were no strings attached, no clinginess and no booty call involved. They do NOT call me when they are bored but they can push all limits when I call. They are the dirtiest of the lot.
The second group is called ask-the-audience. Their names are on every woman’s lips. They are very popular men! They keep a list of girlfriends and they are extremely generous and gregarious. They can pay any amount for a good time. All aristos new to the game go for them hoping to tame them but the more experienced ones stay for a short time and run!! They either come with a crazy partner, an STD, a bad temper or all of the above and some. No matter what happens, you should never been seen outside with them because your face will appear of popular Nigerian gossip sites by the morning and by the afternoon, you will receive your first official death threat. Take it seriously!
The third group, which is my favorite, are called the 50/50. These men are above 50 years so only 50% of the work is expected. They have a lot of cash to burn and no one to spend it on. Their kids are grown and are probably moved out and their wives have probably given up on satisfying them or are busy chasing girls that are willing to do it for them, around town. These men also lack the energy to demand a lot. They are malleable and are willing to spend on you if you promise to show them a different side of life, a listening ear and a little affection.
My alarm on my phone rang for 6AM. I gently nudged my son awake to prepare him for the day ahead. I needed today to go smoothly. Thankfully, Dylan yawned and rolled into my arms. I carried him to the bathroom and got him clean. I dressed him for school, packed his lunch box, made breakfast, got dressed, left a note for sleeping beauty beside his plate and I was out of the house by 7:15AM. This was another habit. As I left my house, I said another little prayer and ended it with GOD BLESS MY HUSTLE.
To be continued…
