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Chiugo Akaolisa: Taking a Break

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Just like everything in life, relationships require a lot a work (so I’ve heard). What starts out as a mushy, butterflies-in-stomach, love obsession can sometimes fizzle into an unending loophole of fights and constant quarrels. The more time you spend with the person that has your heart, the more you learn about their good and ultimately, bad sides. You know, the sides you never saw when you were standing in the rain, professing your love.

In an attempt to salvage what is left of the relationship, some couples suggest a break. In theory, taking a little break may help to revive the relationship, so that you can return to each other stronger and healthier. But in reality, its main aim is to test the couple. The time apart should reveal if the relationship is worth saving or not.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Some die hard people cannot let go of a relationship until it has died all kinds of death (physical, emotional, logical, and mental). Creating distance then becomes necessary in deciding (without the pressure) if it is all worth it.

Personally, I avoid breaks like the plague. I opt for honoring the good memories created and leaving when things are still ok than taking a break and ruining what little respect I have for my partner. There is a better chance of returning to ex boo if the breakup wasn’t that brutal than dragging it out until it is. Distance will most likely create new issues rather than fix the old ones.

Taking a break has its benefits. Granted, if the time apart actually allows for renewed affection and changed behaviour, then I am all for it. Being apart from your partner can truly show you what you are missing when they’re not beside you. I know of couples who spent time apart and remained in each other’s lives only to come back and commit completely. The distance revealed that they couldn’t live without each other, hence, their aim was achieved.

However, a major problem with taking a break is the fact that it has no rules. Until someone writes the book “Taking a Break 101”, there will always grey areas. Neither party knows exactly what to do, how long it is supposed to last or boundaries not to cross. All it does is create a relationship limbo where nobody knows what is going on. Certain questions will always arise: Can we see other people? Is sex off the table for us? Will you change? Can I still call you like before? Can we still harsh out our issues? Etc.

Another major problem I have with taking a break is that it is easily misinterpreted.

Some take it as a cue to go out and test the waters. Sometimes, breaks can make you see the single life as more desirable than it actually is. Once you have had your fill, the relationship then continues. Infidelity that happens as a result becomes a ticking time bomb.

It can also be a coward’s way of ending a relationship. One person holds hope that things will get better while the other has already moved on while still enjoying the benefits of the other person’s affection.

It is then important to weigh your relationship and decide if it will survive a break or if it is better to call it quits. If taking a break is a better alternative, it is very helpful to set ground rules and adhere to them. Learning to accept whatever happens in the time apart and knowing when to let go can never be overstated. Most importantly, make time to fix the problems that called for the break in the first place.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go”― Hermann Hesse.

Goodluck!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jason Stitt

Chiugo Veronica Akaolisa is a graduate from the University of Alberta, Canada. She is a God-lover and a recluse. Her every spare time is spent writing and developing her business. She is an entrepreneur and a budding novelist. Her true passion is Poetry and Relationship Tips. She has a minor in Psychology. Twitter: Verachi | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cakaolisa | Instagram: missverachi |

20 Comments

  1. Anon

    May 20, 2015 at 6:32 pm

    “Some die hard people cannot let go of a relationship until it has died all kinds of death (physical, emotional, logical, and mental)”

    Guilty!! Ugh. Should have just accepted when he first broke up with me. Was still trying to save the relationship till it dragged on for 4 months is all sorts of fights. Even on the road!! At his office too! I had a wake up call at the last one. Carried my things and ran away. God forbid (and help) for me to be in that situation again. If someone breaks up with me, no begging again. It’s alright. Bye bye.

  2. papermoon

    May 20, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    If you go on a break and parties feel like seeing other people then there’s no love in the first place. You have no business being in that relationship in the first place.

    This is my rule: if you can be away from me for 2 weeks without calling me, then you don’t need me (unless something physically prevented you).

    If we go on break and for two weeks I am still struggling to call you or struggling to make conversations, we are off. Love is not by force.

    • nene

      May 20, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      true talk

    • Pat

      May 21, 2015 at 5:33 am

      ” If you go on a break and parties feel like seeing other people then there’s no love in the first place. You have no business being in that relationship in the first place” Correct!

  3. ada

    May 20, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    Good article! I just ended a relationship but the guy refuses to let go. I have tried being civil about it but it is obviously not working. I am considering barring his phone number and blocking him on my chat list As well asking him not to visit me again.

  4. always happy

    May 20, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    Remember that song bye bye bye – thats exactly what you should be singing for all forms of breaks if its your spouse you are taking a break from because reality is if the life you had together is greater than your reasons for the break, you will define the boundaries, obtain the buy in and set the timeline for your “break”. But if its other forms of relationship outside of marriage omo, please press go sef, break till kingdom come, break for as long as you wish and allow the other party break dance sef. Speaking of breaks…. when last did you give yourself a break from your routine life ? Go Get it !

  5. Tosin

    May 21, 2015 at 6:02 am

    everybody needs to chill. whether breaking, taking breaks, joining, merging, saying bye bye, just add a little chill. 🙂
    I remember once (ok, 20 years ago) someone said to me: “Toe-sin? you need to learn the art of chilling.” He should see me now 😀

  6. Diddy

    May 21, 2015 at 7:54 am

    The issue of taking a break can be an advantage to both parties,especially when tins r not working as expected,and sometimes when one party suggest a break the other thinks is as a result of d other seeing someone else,he/she might be right or wrong but which ever way it is,taking a break most times leads to permanent break.it is just like when one of u drop this threatening or not so good statement by saying WE NEED TO TALK,in most cases the outcome of watever talk it is does not end well,so taking a break or need some space is just a way of saying is over technically

  7. teekay

    May 21, 2015 at 9:07 am

    Honestly i should ve tried going on a break with my ex because i was already tired of the relationship not that i didnt love him but i think i took him for granted

  8. Weather

    May 21, 2015 at 9:23 am

    “However, a major problem with taking a break is the fact that it has no rules. Until someone writes the book “Taking a Break 101”, there will always be grey areas. ”
    I am telling you! The grey areas just make the whole thing complicated.

  9. Grown Woman

    May 21, 2015 at 9:49 am

    Heart of the matters aren’t easy.If we must take a break i would rather break off.Nobody has time for surprises.

  10. teetops

    May 21, 2015 at 10:12 am

    “Some die hard people cannot let go of a relationship until it has died all kinds of death (physical, emotional, logical, and mental)” This is me right now! I’m so guilty of this. I’m 8months into a relationship and for the last couple of months it’s been non-stop fighting and quarrelling. I’m so attached to my boyfriend and I’m sure I love him, but I can tell his ready to give up and move on from his actions, but me on the other hand I’m just not ready to let go. I don’t know what to do and it’s bothering me so much 🙁

    • Opsy

      May 21, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      Sorry my dear… let go, if he loves you he’ll try to come back…
      Let go, you’ll be okay!

  11. etim

    May 21, 2015 at 10:16 am

    i just told my girl same thing because she had really being messing up since last year and i always forgive her but i felt like a its better i should give her a break but she has refuse saying she will die if i leave.

  12. Tkum

    May 21, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    nna allow the babe die na…shuuuu..!!! wch can love go make babe utter that negative word sef?…u kpakpa etim be feeling cool cos babe wants to die for you bah?…abeg some of us ladies should try and be borrowing sense sef!…Boy say him wan go, allow am go na! abi is your destiny tied to his prick?

  13. Kimmy

    May 21, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Hahahahahahahahahaha… Tkum haf kill me o.. wetin be kpakpa? serzly some babe’s jst like making guys feel too important

  14. love addict

    May 21, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    Do people still take breaks? I thought it was just code word for “please move on”. Oh well, i guess i will wait till someone writes taking a break 101. Nice write up!

  15. Omotee

    May 23, 2015 at 5:07 am

    If it will work, we will stay to make it work. The moment we feel the need to take a break, we might as well respect ourselves and sanity and break up jeje.

  16. cleo

    May 25, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    The first i was told let us take a break i mentally started took it as a break up and started withdrawing. There is no such thing as taking break. It is either we talk about it and break up. Or set boundaries and redefine the relationship. What happens when we are no break. Can i date other people? Can i see someone else. It is too grey

  17. Chi

    May 29, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Let’s just say he asked for a break and he lost me to something much BETTER!! It hurt me a whole lot back then, but reflecting now I seriously thank God for that break.. He’s still single and actively searching (we have mutual friends, so gist flies)

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