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Kambili Chimalu: May The Kite And The Eagle Perch

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A lot of gay Nigerians are increasingly stepping into the limelight to campaign for their rights as human beings deserving of respect and peace of mind in their own country. This is a noble and worthwhile pursuit, but it has led a lot of Nigerians to believe (and verbalize) that those who campaign for gay rights are trying to force some sort of “gay agenda” down their throats.

Nigeria, as it is today, is a very dangerous place for anyone suspected of being gay. People may like to deny this, but being gay in Nigeria is tantamount to dousing yourself in fuel and dancing around a bonfire; it is a death sentence, both in the literal and civic sense. The government has enshrined the persecution of gay people and their supporters in law that exposing yourself as a gay individual is simply “asking for it.” Nigerians cheered and openly displayed their bigotry when the law against same-sex marriage was passed. Would a gay person highlighting the injustice of that constitute as “shoving it down other people’s throats?”

People fail to realize that no sane human being would willingly “turn gay” in a country like Nigeria. The potential to lose your family, home, and even life is too great for anyone “to become gay on purpose in order to belong.” Belong to what exactly? The most persecuted group in the world? Let’s try to rationalize this: gays live in a society where the government has legitimized their oppression; almost the whole population see them as abominations; their families often disown them; strangers continually spew vitriol and threaten their very existence; being suspected of being gay may most likely result in a public lynching. So, I fail to see the compelling argumet that would encourage people to become gay because it is the “in-thing.” If anything, it is the “out-out-thing.” Those that make the “people-must-be-becoming-gay-in-order-to-belong” argument refuse to look beyond their heteronormatively enforced ignorance and/or arrogance to empathize with the plight of their fellow humans.

Yes, TV shows are starting to be reflective of the general society around us, so there are a few portrayals of same-sex relationships, but the fact still remains that portrayals of heterosexual relationships are still in the large majority. However, these portrayals of same-sex relationships are found mostly in Western media, but since our focus is Nigeria, I challenge anyone to show me a portrayal of a loving healthy same-sex relationship in the Nigerian media. The few cases we see of same-sex relationships portrayed on TV are often stories of relationships shrouded in secrecy and shame, which is reflective of the general atmosphere in Nigeria. These people must hide who they are, lurking in the shadows and living on the margins of society.

People often shroud their persecution of homosexuals in the cloak of religion and culture, but that is the refuge of those who refuse to take responsibility for their cruel inhumanity to their fellow man. If they can safely transfer the burden of responsibility to religion and culture, then they can sleep better at night knowing that they are merely automatons preserving the scared edicts of their  religion and culture. If their religion and culture have already dehumanized these people as “other,” then it is easier to continue the dehumanization than examine and challenge this injustice.

It is my sincere belief that Nigerians should be the last people using religion as a tool of oppression. Other than the fact that we cannot legislate morality because there should be a thick brick wall separating the church and the state, anyone familiar with the institutions of colonialism and slavery will understand why using a literal interpretation of religious texts to justify the degradation and dehumanization of a group of people is dangerous. The colonial masters, believing in the divine authority that has been bestowed on them by God, carved up and subjugated a whole continent because the dark skin of the savages was an apparent result of God’s view of them as inferior and beasts of burden. Believing colonization to not be enough, this same people, acting under the belief of some divine supremacy, enslaved the inhabitants of that continent. I see no difference between what the fundamentalist racist colonial masters did to what fundamental homophobes are doing in Nigeria today.

When it comes to culture, the one true thing we know for certain is that culture is always adapting to fit the needs of society. We are not bound to live by the codes that worked for our dead ancestors because we were not made for culture; culture was made for us. It is a clay that can be reshaped and remolded to fit the needs of its people.

Whenever I talk about this topic, I always get two comments: are you sure you are not gay and are you even a Christian? So, I am going to preemptively answer these accusations. No, I am not gay. I do not have to be gay to recognize the need for equality. Yes, I am a Christian, but I do not believe that my religion should be the yardstick with which I legislate other people’s morality.

The fight for gay rights is a big and dangerous one, but it is a fight we must engage in. When the oppressed raise their voice for equality, the empowered often call it “shoving your agenda down my throat.” Asking to be treated as a human being in your own country is not “shoving anything down anyone’s throat.” Asking not to be persecuted in your own home is not shoving anything down anyone’s throat. Asking not to live in fear of being lynched for who you are or love is not shoving anything down anyone’s throat.

The truth is that other people’s human rights is non-negotiable and if campaigning for those human rights constitutes shoving it down your throat, then saddle up and be prepared to be force fed basic human decency. No one is asking that heterosexuals go out and find same-sex partners. Heck, no one is saying that homosexuals will convert heterosexuals and their children and bring about the end of humanity. What people are demanding is that heterosexuals not use their normal to deprive other people of their basic humanity.

One of my favorite proverbs is “May the Kite and the Eagle perch. If one says no to the other, let its wing break.” In other words, live and let live. The world is big enough for us, homosexuals and heterosexuals, to coexist without one group trampling on the other’s rights.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Mimagephotography

Human/Sarcastic Empath/Lazy Hardworker/Active Sleeper/Occasional Writer/Part-time Blogger/Unbelieving Omnist/Committed Non-Committer/Human. Default Setting: Self-Preservation. I blog my thoughts on www.optimisticnigerian.com

75 Comments

  1. Mz Socially Awkward...

    May 22, 2015 at 10:20 am

    @The writer, God is love and I agree that one cannot call oneself a Christian and still maliciously pursue the degradation and dehumanization of any person or group. My own view on the subject has previously been given on this blog (i.e. a comment posted here http://www.bellanaija.com/2015/05/05/pastor-adeboye-i-dont-hate-homosexuals/#comments) and I won’t reiterate it today.

    However, I wanted to ask you about something else – the actual post seems to indicate that you’re a Christian but in the blurb beneath, you identify yourself as a humanist. I’m not aware that one can take both of those stances to life and eternity at the same time, so which one of them is your clear avowal?

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 10:39 am

      who cares about ur views. u are a hateful bigot. so pls keep ur stupidity to ur self. look at the way u are talking sef as if ur the queen who has a final say on important issues. what a joke u are.

      girl, several seats for u and ur mumu opinion.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 22, 2015 at 11:18 am

      I can tell you’ve been waiting for very many months and weeks to get that off your chest. Now that we’ve gotten past the inane small talk… how’re you doing today, Bruno? How’ve life and the past week been? Any fun plans for the weekend ahead?? 🙂

      My views don’t matter to you and that’s not a problem for me at all. I will lay me down to sleep tonight very happy now that you’ve made that clear. I made a comment to the writer (clearly indicated by beginning my comment with “@ The writer…”) and then I asked her a question I was curious about.

      Why are you always so angry, though? You can’t honestly be carrying that much bile around with you on a daily basis, luv. Is this just an online character you’ve made up to heat up things on BN now and again or are we actually getting a small glimpse into your everyday existence? It would be funny if it wasn’t so dismal.

    • whocares

      May 22, 2015 at 11:24 am

      *hits bruno fierce on the nose with a newspaper *down boy, down!* . There is no need to be so vitriolic. If you read what she wrote earlier, you will note that she is not a bigot. We are all entitled to our opinions and our faiths..

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 22, 2015 at 11:31 am

      And just wondering out loud after reading your rant again. How is one single view anything close to a “final say”?? Do you make these childish outbursts just so you can look fierce (because you don’t, you just sound quite insane most of the time… I mean, you have lucid and sometime really funny moments but very many times, you sound almost incoherent with misplaced rage)?

      However, I realise that even this will incite another attack. So keep doing you, luv and continue being the amazing person that you are …

    • Annie

      May 22, 2015 at 12:03 pm

      [email protected], @MSA u really ve got time to respond to Bruno, next times just do a ‘waka pass’ at his nan sense comment…oh this isn’t the real Bruno sef..mtchew

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      @mz socially.

      oh please, im not checking for you, u are the least person I want to see in the comment section, and stop trying to use the “kill him with kindness strategy” it can’t work for me cause I know I hit a nerve and u are pissed. u soumd pissed and angry even tho u are pretending not to sound angry.

      thats the only line every body has.
      “bruno is angry”
      “bruno is bitter blah blah blah”

      look boo, I am neither angry nor bitter, I am aggressive, I am FIERCE!!!!!!!!!.
      read my name properly, it states “bruno FIERCE”

      not once has anybody attacked what I say, all they do is attack me personally as if u know me. ha!

      I think its people on this blog that stroke ur ego, you, californiabrawler and leah. thats why u think u have sense or ur intelligent or something.
      I don’t blame them, nigerians like rubbish, you are rubbish.

      u write ur comments in an articulate manner but u are not saying anything meaningful. when I read ur comments, I’m like what is this THOT saying

      woman, keep shut. pls don’t reply me again. batch (its not “batch” I meant to type, u know what I meant to write).lol

      u stated ur views on homosexuality in a former article. so we should go to that article and read about it cause ur a professor or something abi. mumu
      (bellanaija if u like don’t post my comment).

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 22, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      After sitting down and reading all my comments one after the other to gather this level of ammunition, you want to delude yourself that you’re not checking for my views on anything. Sell that lie if it makes you happy, darling (& it’s nice to know I matter this much to your peace of mind). 🙂

      Sadly, stank nastinness can never be confused with fierceness. Ever. That’s a delusion from your lonely daydreams, luv; intense pettiness is all that’s left, like a toddler constantly throwing its dummy out of a pram.

      Oh, and do I perceive some sort of feeble attempt to shut down the blog comments of certain BN’ers who seem to be tensioning you, like CaliforniaBawler, Leah, et al?? Are you trying to ACTUALLY lay down rules and regs about who can say what & when? See this pikin, oh… You’re funny. As though we’re prancing around with you in that your imaginary school playground. Taaaaaaaaaaa, my friend be kwayet… plus you’re clearly one of those cowardly online punks with liver to yarn from far, but can’t gas in the flesh because your mind never reach. Such silliness…

      Bruno, leave us oh. Face your work dey waka go front because all this aggro you dey form here na just for yourself. When you tire to dey waka with your suitcase of issues, write into Aunty Bella for help.

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      “After sitting down and reading all my
      comments one after the other to gather
      this level of ammunition”

      loooooool. you believe ur own hype. u are pathetic.
      you better stop this ur b!tchy mother superior behaviour. LOL.
      how can I take u seriously. first u tried to kill me with kindness with ur first comment that didn’t work now you’ve gone on the offensive. honey, try again.
      I think I insulted u enough in my first comment and u must have gotten the memo cause u sound super angry in ur comment.

      u know nothing, have several many seats, u are just as daft as ur name, u silly wh**e.

      gurl, byeeeee, see you lay-tah (funke akindele voice). not gonna reply u again. all the haters if u like click her comments one billion times, na u sabi, she’s still a dumb broad to me.

      as for the writer, this ur article was suppose to be about homosexuality, why did u have to mix things up with humanism and christainity and orishirishi. now see how people have ignored ur message and put their focus on humanism and christainity. not good.

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 8:23 pm

      I applaud u for believing in something. all u religious peeps.

      but pls when ur religious beliefs starts to infringe on other people’s human right that when me and u belief are gonna have a problem.

      when ur religious beliefs starts making other people’s lives miserable and unhappy, me and ur beliefs are going to have a big problem.

      its because of (homophobia), thats why men rape lesbians in uganda (giving the lesbian aids and getting the lesbian pregnant) a woman like ur self.

      bellanaija “yeye” feminists where are u people. women like ur self are getting raped by numerous men because they are lesbian (getting infected with hiv and getting pregnant).
      you will not talk about that one, (or lesbians are not resl women? and their issues are not real women issues?) instead its who should cook in the house that’s where they will see u people. bellanaija yeye feminists.only very petty issues u people like to discuss .shameful

      some of u just talk u don’t think. continue preaching homophobia. many people’s blood are on ur head and the heads of ur children.continue.

    • memebaby

      May 22, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      bruno.. you are a wild animal who needs to be caged! why are you so spiteful?

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 25, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Bruno now that Bella naija has fixed their like button, we now see the 1 million plus people that loves your insane comment. Bruno you have a mental illness, fix it at Yaba left, Yaba left is a cheap place, You can always talk about what is making you so angry and incoherent, is it your bad childhood?, lack of love, refusal of people to accept your homosexuality?, whatever it is, come to The Federal Neuro psychiatric Hospital in Yaba, if you re not in Lagos there is one Kaduna, Uselu, Abeokuta, Amawbia. these places have counseling and treatment centers and its relatively cheap. After saying you will not hear. you come to blogs and hyper ventilate, in real life, you re burning with untold anger that you cannot express, blogs cannot help you. One good day *boom* you will explode.. O bulu ala ( it will become madness). There is no shame in mental illness, its like any other illness. Bruno go and treat your self, it will ease your burden. you will come and vent your madness on this comment but it will not help. A Neuro psychiatric Center will. It will ease your pain, Patronize it ..Ekwuchakwam!!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 25, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      This level of stupidity just never sits well with me… look into the mirror whenever you want to describe someone as a “THOT” or “whore”. Or better still, look squarely into the face of your mother.

      As for killing you with kindness… dear illiterate child, that wasn’t kindness. Go back and read slowly: try to work out the actual tone. You’re like the BN poster slogan for telling kids to stay in school because this witlessness on display is worrying.

      Why come for everyone one and then whine about people attacking you? That’s just pure b*tch-assedness, my friend. Own your sh*t and accept yourself for the weakling that you are. Or maybe we are simply the only thing that’s making your life worthwhile and you badly need this thrill (to jerk off to or whatever)?

      Like I noted already, you don’t have the cojones (in other words, the balls) to step up in the flesh to a single person that you’ve insulted on this site. Not a single nerve in that yellow-bellied, bottom feeding existence of yours.

      You care, Bruno. You care very deeply about what we think, say and have determined about you. BN commenters are your only joy and you wouldn’t have this any other way. Spreading your slime from page to page, inciting feedback and responses the way you do is your lonely nirvana. In fact, if you didn’t care, you would do what the rest of us are prone to doing, when we jump and pass your foolishness that’s up for display. You were obviously waiting for this moment when you could finally bat your furry mittens in my direction. Oh, Bruno, you silly rabbit. Keep those sh*tty mitts in that sewer you clamber out from, every now and again and I hope the titillation which this exchange has brought to you will last and last in your fantasies.

      And of course I am your mother superior. Talking about people believing their own hype… utter moron. Oh and I hope your new week ahead brings every single, definite thing/reward that you deserve straight into your arms and life. 🙂 Try to decipher the kindness there, if you’re able to. What a complete twit.

    • Anon

      May 22, 2015 at 10:57 am

      Christian humanist perhaps? They exist…

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 22, 2015 at 11:21 am

      That’s an almost contradictory concept to me but maybe it’s a new doctrine. Thanks for the clarification. 🙂

    • whocares

      May 22, 2015 at 11:09 am

      Being a Christian and being a humanist should not be mutually exclusive right? I can see how there will be an overlap, but one is capable of embracing both and achieving balance.

    • molarah

      May 22, 2015 at 11:48 pm

      Huamnist (adj) – of or pertaining to a philosophy asserting human dignity and man’s capacity for fulfillment through reason and scientific method and often REJECTING RELIGION (emphasis mine)

      That up there, I believe, is what MSA is referring to.

      @bruno Bruno, Bruno! I hail! Giving gays a bad name on BellaNaija since 20-whatsit. Till I met a gay dude somewhere recently, the only perception I had of homosexuals was the petty, embittered stereotype you consistently reinforce in your comments. For someone who seems to be pushing for acceptance of this same group, you are not doing much to help this case.

    • Ann

      May 22, 2015 at 11:09 am

      Lmao. Dude. Humanist is not a religion. It’s simply someone who believes in the equality of all humans. Why does she have to choose between that and Christianity biko?

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 22, 2015 at 11:38 am

      Humanism transcends faith. And there is a form of Religious Humanism which is practised by a sub-sect of the movement.

    • D

      May 22, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      @ Ann, humanism as Mz SA has said is actually practiced by a sect, and no it does not just mean equality for all it is by definition “an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters.” i.e they believe humans are of higher importance rather than God so like Mz SA i also do not see how they can coexist with any religion that believes in a supernatural being as being the all powerful head

    • D

      May 22, 2015 at 1:16 pm

      @ Mz SA… I just wanted to say thank you to you and Bleed blue for your comments on my question. I would send you both a personal message and stop disrupting the flow on other people’s write up but o well. Anyway, my Email address is [email protected], or if yourself or bleed blue could kindly give your EMail addresses and i could try reaching out to you.
      NOTE: My sincere apologies to the author and the entire BN community at large for doing this again!!!

    • BlueEyed

      May 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      @MSA the real Christianity (not the pick and choose what suits us) and humanist views are in a way quite relative. After all, Jesus Christ came to die for everybody including the people Christians would readily condemn, also he preached unconditional love.
      Secondly, this comment (and the other one on that other post) just reeks of too much political correctness, when in reality you my dear would pick your religious views (which is terribly flawed) over the truth.
      @Kambili, very brilliant of you to educate the masses (bigots), you just made a fan.

    • lol

      May 22, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      How are they relative??? I think we need to be sure about the definition of words before using them. The whole basis of a humanist or humanism is we humans decide, we are IT!!! no supreme being is involved. How does that in anyway relate to Christianity. Secondly, you called “the masses” bigots. You know the definition of a bigot is one who is intolerant of others views because i have a differing view those not mean I am intolerant of your view. I don’t have to see things your way to be tolerant, I can respect your point of view but not agree with it, does that make me a bigot??? Nope!!!. The bigot is the one who calls people name because they don’t see things your way or agree with your point of view, now that is a bigot!!! I may choose to be “politically correct” or choose my religious views but that does not make me a bigot, it is my own view and opinion. You are the one that needs to be more tolerant of that not me

    • Changing Faces

      May 22, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      Nne I think she means Christian humanist… and every Christian should be a humanist, or don’t you think so? Atleast going by what they broadly stand for

    • miini

      May 22, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      Exactly. I wasn’t aware that christianity and humanism can coexist. The two are so mutually exclusive, so the writer should pls clarify.

    • Kambili Chimalu

      May 22, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      I guess I should have put “religious humanist,” but the blurb’s word count is limited. The focus of secular humanism on non-theism is much more recent and does not cover all the belief systems under humanism. My personal belief system is so encompassing that it transcends both humanism and Christianity. However, explaining what I believe (or don’t believe) will be too tedious to attempt here all in one sitting. It would require more of a conversation. However, I believe in the Divine (God) and I also believe in human dignity and individual freedom (freewill if you will) if that is what you are asking.

      For those that pointed out the contradiction in my belief(s) and asked how I reconcile both: I reconcile my beliefs the same way I reconcile the parts of the Bible I find contradicting.

    • molarah

      May 22, 2015 at 11:56 pm

      But there is no such thing as a religious humanist, at least going by the dictionary definition of humanism. That phrase is an oxymoron. And again, because of the unclear meaning, the comments on this article (like others on similarly debated words as feminism and so on) have primarily focused on the nuances (or lack thereof) of words used in it. I’m not in full agreement with this piece, but I appreciate your efforts and creativity.

  2. Niola

    May 22, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Darling Kambili , if we were to live by the flesh and on the basis of intellectual dexterity alone, all arguments posed above will seem ghen ghen , however when one is guided far above fleshly and human acceptance of things, i.e not conforming to the world’s standards and transforming your mind to higher things, then it becomes hard to ever understand homosexuality. Whilst i think punishing them might be a cog in the wheel approach as it changes nothing, i think helping them seek psychological help,yep! i said psychological cos it ain’t just normal. I have several arguments to explain to you why it isn’t normal, but i will save it for another day. Please be reminded that we do not judge or condemn them, we condemn the act which should equally not be shoved down our throats.

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 10:52 am

      “I think helping them seek
      psychological help,yep! i said psychological
      cos it ain’t just normal”

      are u a psychologist?
      did u study psychology in school?
      if the answer is no pls keep shut.
      who are u to say a group of people are not normal. who the hell are u to begin with.
      your black skin colour and nappy hair is not normal to white people also.

      many parents in america have tried to force their gay kids to be straight by taking them to conversion therapy camps and the end result was suicide. their kids committed suicide. conversion therapy is illegal in many states in america and in many countries.
      you can not fix a clock if its not broken, u can’t fix a gay person’s sexuality because there is nothing wrong with them.

      and pls nobody is shoving anything down ur throat. instead it is straight people that are shoving their heterosexuality down everybody’s throats and trying their best to force everybody to be straight.

    • Niola

      May 22, 2015 at 11:48 am

      Bruno!!! This is an adult’s forum………You are very immature and I will not tolerate your cyber bullying, careless, attention seeking, grammatical error laced comments. Now that BN has moderated the like button we truly know the real you!!!! Self loving child………., When you wake up in the morning, and you see the moon instead of the sun, your cognitive mind will automatically tell you it is not normal, you will question it as it remains an unusual pattern of behavior , same as if i witness a man and another telling me they want to procreate and bla bla bla.

      @ Ann shoving it down my throat doesn’t mean holding me at gun point, you know when we use metaphorical statements like this, it simply means ‘ at every opportunity or platform of being heard, we are simply bombarded with this you must accept me the way i am business ………. I am sorry but i have an opinion too and please respect it…

      @chiddy brilliant analogy!!!

    • purplegirl

      May 22, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      Bruno. Go and deal directly with the people making your life “hell.”We don’t know you so stop behaving like a mannerless child anytime someone has something to say that you don’t like and face the real people in your life.

    • Me

      May 23, 2015 at 10:05 am

      Oh Jesus, please fix whoever this Bruno fierce is. Look here, yes I will be judgmental and very blunt. If you’re involved in homosexuality, you will burn in the lake of fire, that fire that never goes out, you will go to hell. Period!

      Ok you may say well, a person who tells a lie will also go to hell so whats the big deal? Why is homosexuality a problem? My dear, it is a problem, a very big problem; because those who practice it have a sense of justification that their sexuality is right, that they are psychologically built that way.

      Seriously, there is no excuse whatsoever for homosexuality. I don’t care whether the world is beginning to accept it but God forbid that I accept such, I rebuke and reject it. Call me whatever, a religious bigot, a judgmental idiot, whatever but I’d rather be stoned by men than accept a satanic and demonic lifestyle the devil has introduced to the world.

      If you are practising homosexuality, it is not psychological, it is spiritual. You need to address it spiritually, in fact you must undertake a deliverance programme, This one is not an issue psychologists or therapists will solve, that spirit must be bound and cast out of you.

      I don’t hate homosexuals (i.e the people) but I hate the act. However, I will not encourage it by helping those who practice it give an excuse for their sexuality. If i accept it; if i don’t see anything wrong with it, then I’m not on God’ s side, Simple!

    • Ann

      May 22, 2015 at 11:10 am

      Lmao. Has any gay person ever held a gun to your head and forced you to watch them have sex or anything at all? So how are they forcing anything down your throat?!

    • Toma

      May 23, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      But IT IS being forced down our throats in the sense that you must embrace it or face consequences. Just a few days ago a Christian cake store here in the UK was charged with discrimination simply because they said they were not comfy baking a wedding cake for a gay couple! If that’s not forcing it down d throat then what is? There are a million cake stores that will bake it if they don’t now haba! It’s like going to a veggi cafe to demand a beef/chicken burger and cry discrimination when they say they don’t do animal products. We can’t all agree on certain things, that’s life. We need to respect the opinion of others please.

  3. anonymous

    May 22, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Okay I’ll tell y’all a story. My mother’s Umunna is named after a woman who married a woman and raised kids by her (of course, the woman was impregnated by a man).

    One of my great aunts who was an ex runs babe who lost womb married a woman too and had her brother impregnate the woman. Today one of those kids is a top shot in the bank. Though those women were highly jazzed people. My father always says the women in my mum’s ancestry were the real feminists.

    That said, I don’t believe gayism is natural neither do I believe in hating gays. Live and let live.

    The gays should also understand that it’s difficult for us to comprehend their lifestyle, hence they shouldn’t shove it down our throats.

    Egbe belu, Ugo belu, nke si ibe ya ebena, nku ka ya

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 25, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      Whenever people try to relate homosexuality with the Igbo cultural practice of women marrying women, I keep wondering why our generation takes no time to study our culture..they are not the same. Please I agree that homosexuality did not start today, However it is not the same with the Igbo cultural practice of marrying a woman or making a woman a man. Now the practice usually occurs when a woman is unable to birth a male child who will take over the homestead as it is widely practiced in the Igbo community as women do not inherit lands, hence these women when they ve passed child bearing age and their husbands are late, they make them men, a practice that will convey on them every benefit accruing to men, therefore these ladies are allowed to marry other women who come in to produce children for them. These women are impregnated by whomever they wish in order to fulfill their contract of bearing a male child. I am not here to talk about the rightness or wrongness of this move but I need to differentiate it from Homosexuality because most people get it wrong. The women that marry these other women never did it to satisfy any sexual orientation/ appetite. it was a contract known to both sides to be that of child bearing.

  4. chiddy

    May 22, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Just like niola said, punishing them isn’t the best approach rather helping them out of that. If we argue that they it’s not their fault they were made that way, we shud then be ready to accept people who are ‘created’ to be sexually attracted to children and even animals, as it’s equally not their fault. I know this sounds like a cliché but life is all about the choices we make, so make them wisely. I admire your passion in fighting for their rights, I hope u’ll apply such if a paedophile claims he/she was made that way and wants their rights too.

    • Ann

      May 22, 2015 at 11:22 am

      This is sooo stupid. So you’re going to compare two consensual adults engaging in a sane sex relationship to people who rape children? Ughhhh. Key word – CONSENT. Key word – ADULTS. You’re comparing homosexuality to rape. Ughhh. You nigerians have no sense of logic at all at all.

    • cindy

      May 22, 2015 at 11:51 am

      Eh….ignore the child part. What about the animal part?

    • hey ann

      May 22, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Consent right? How about the story of the woman and her son having sexual affairs and said to be in ‘love’? We should accept them as normal right?

    • Anon

      May 22, 2015 at 11:23 am

      Please stop confusing or comparing homosexuality to paedophilia.

      Homosexuals – consensual sex between two men. (I look away, that’s their business.)
      Paedophilia – child sexual abuse/sexual attraction to children. (I will not look away and will have them castrated.)

      Spot the difference?

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 11:47 am

      @chiddy.

      Sexuality (whether heterosexuality or homosexuality) is a normal, healthy part of a person’s personality.

      A Paraphilia (such as pedophilia) is
      not. Paraphilias are mental illnesses, some of
      which cause the sufferer to commit crimes.
      Pedophilia is one such.

      Homophobes love to conflate (merge) homosexuality with pedophilia because of the immediate protective reaction it causes. They love lies like that because they’re so easy to sell to people who lack critical thinking skills.

    • ogeAdiro

      May 22, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      For the record, most civil societies do not recognize an animal’s consent, neither do they recognize a child’s consent; that’s why it’s usually against the law to engage in sexual acts with animals and children in these societies. These societies do not believe that kids and animals have the wherewithal to make decisions about human sexual relations. On the other hand, homosexuality is reasoned to be ok if it is between consenting adults of sound mind.
      Going by this logic, then incest and/or polygamy between consenting adults should also be ok? This question is meant for the likes of Kambili, Ann, tunmi etc…

  5. Ann

    May 22, 2015 at 11:16 am

    I strongly agree with everything you said. I remember asking my mother about homosexuality and I’ll never forget what my mother said – run your own race, love everyone and let other people run their own race to heaven.
    This is a woman who had never left Nigeria at that point so no one could accuse her of being western or conforming to western ideals. My mother just believed in letting people face their own conscience and their own God.
    There is so much homosexuality in nature. All you have to do is Google and you’d find tons of animals who engage in homosexuality. Are we not animals too? Did God not create all of us? I tell people all the time people yelling about homosexuality being a sin are cheating on their wives, are corrupt politicians who are plunging millions of people into poverty in this country and yet we all unlook these sins which are definitely shoved down our throat and actually affects our everyday life. But sure, it’s homosexuality that’s the king of all sins. Mschewe.

    • cindy

      May 22, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Sorry o. But I am not an animal, may be you are sha. God created us to have dominion over animals and not to be like them aunty ann.

    • Ann

      May 22, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Sure. Argue with science.

  6. whocares

    May 22, 2015 at 11:20 am

    You have articulated everything I have tried to explain to people about this topic. I have even written articles about it so really I wont go into it anymore. Its simple really and Evelyn Beatrice Hall says it better than I can – “I disapprove of what what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”. That is the stance I take and I think should be adopted. I personally have nothing against homosexuals but if you do, then you should recognise that they are humans first and foremost and they should not have to suffer. You might not understand it, but you should be able to empathize and understand their struggle and help them win it. The truth is at one point in life, we will all be in the minority and have to fight for something. You might not like it, but you should embrace that spirit of freedom that allows people to live a life free of oppression so that when your time comes, people will take up arms for your cause too. These draconian laws deny people of these basic rights yet most people are ok with it. I dont bang my head against the wall anymore. When the same leader makes a law that affects you adversely, then you will understand. (excuse me whilst I step off my soapbox now)

  7. Tina Turner

    May 22, 2015 at 11:30 am

    I’m a newly converted Christian, but I used to share Kambili’s view, so I’m very familiar with that side of the debate. I was curious to see what the comments on the post would be. I must say that the comments by Niola and Mz Socially Awkward are very refreshing to read. They both present their opinions respectfully while being very clear on their stand. Unfortunately, within popular culture in the west, it is becoming more and more unpopular to have an opposing opinion on this issue. Luckily, in Nigeria, we do not have this same issue. However, our approach is not any better. I personally don’t believe that being gay is a choice. However, I believe that for Christians, there isn’t really much of a debate on this issue. For a person who chooses to live their lives in alignment with the Bible, it is unequivocally a sin. We need to protect our society by advancing our values in order to prevent the moral degradation that would result if we are complacent. This can be done most effectively on the national level through laws and punishment for disregard of these laws. So, if I say I am a Christian, I cannot be opposed to these laws set by authority to protect a morality I believe in. However, hating gay people and wishing evil on them to the point of death is a whole other ball game.

    • Ann

      May 22, 2015 at 11:58 am

      Lol. So you support laws that will throw homosexuals into jail for 14 years but hating them is where you draw the line?! Lmao. I see.

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 22, 2015 at 12:40 pm

      just look at the way this one packaged her bigotry, in a nice articulate manner just like a typical bigot.

      ” We need to protect our
      society by advancing our values in order to
      prevent the moral degradation that would
      result if we are complacent. This can be done
      most effectively on the national level through
      laws and punishment for disregard of these
      laws. So, if I say I am a Christian, I cannot be
      opposed to these laws set by authority to
      protect a morality I believe in”

      first of all everyone doesn’t live their life in accordance to the bible. so pls stop forcing ur religion dont other people’s throats.
      so u like it when gay people are being imprisoned for 14 years, in some countries life in imprisonment or death penalty.

      you are a monster that is what u are.

      I’m sure u must have forgotten when they use to kill and imprison christains for being christains and when they use to kill and impriso black people for being black.

  8. cindy

    May 22, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Writer, please you don’t have to lash out at our faith (I don’t like calling it religion) to make your point. I for one don’t believe being gay is normal because I don’t think it is normal, not because of religion or culture. It may be due to my experiences as a kid and the contradictions these gay rights activists spew. A lot of them say you don’t become gay that you are gay, it’s part of who you are blah blah blah. I say bullshit. I went to a girls only boarding school and I’d be lying if I said there were no times I had feelings for other girls. But I have come to the understanding that it was because of my environment, I was a teenager and my hormones were raving. So yes, it is psychological. When I left the school, I realised that no, I love men and really loved them. Now someone would come and tell me to discover my sexuality, may be I have repressed them blah blah blah. Some will even say I am bi, indirectly supporting multiple sexual partners. Mtchew. Thus, you can become gay and it is dependent on your environment and that is why people like me get pissed when people like you try to shove your agenda or whatnot down our throats. I don’t want my kid growing up thing that being gay is normal because it is not!
    And trying to stress the fact that you are a christian is a shame. You are trying to paint the illusion that you are better than everyone else. And you went on to say using religion as an argument is hypocritical because you know, every Nigerian is a sinner or is corrupt. God hates sin in any form-lying, cheating etc. I live my life after him this I hate sin too including homosexuality.
    Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the sinner but I hate the sin. I am a lover of human rights myself. You can go about your business as you want, I don’t care. I don’t think there should persecuting homosexuals either but I feel there should be censorship. Please don’t brain wash us. Why do people place much emphasis on homosexuality? It is because it is like an addiction that is difficult to get out of just like masturbation. Instead of working on yourself, you try to find justifications for what you are doing wrong. That is how a very close friend of mine became a lesbian. I kept cautioning her about the people she was moving with, but you know they played the pity party game with her and drew her in. Till date, she is still my friend and I tell her the truth all the time. What kind of christian will that make me if I see my own friend on the part to destruction and decide to keep quiet just because I’m afraid of the backlash?
    A nother thing that bothers me about the homo agenda is how they always compare it to rascism. It makes me laugh. Very wicked and disrespectful of you guys. Go check what the black slaves really went through and tell me if you’ve suffered half of what those guys did. You want to ride on the pain of centuries to prove your point. You were the same ones that told us not to stereotype those who act feminine or masculine as gay yet you say you suffer like blacks do. Here is my illustration: If I see a black man, I know he’s one that very minute and it results in my treatment of him immediately. Now, except you tell me you are gay, I’d treat you just like everybody else. So how do you even compare the two?
    You guys should please live your lives quoetly just like the rest of us and stop making noice about. And author, I think you need to recheck your faith and decide where you actually stand.

    • whocares

      May 22, 2015 at 11:56 am

      ermmm, I went to boarding school too, but at no time did I feel anything for the girls not even a stirring except platonic love and friendship…. (says that and dives under the table)

    • Rt

      May 23, 2015 at 12:33 am

      @Cindy
      Ditto!! I’m so sick and tired of their rants..They should just live their lives the way the want and let others be.It’s not a must that everyone gonna agree with their opinion/view..And it’s about time for them to realise that,no matter how they try to convince (trying to shove it down our throats)everyone to agree on their lifestyle,its won’t work cuz not everyone sees it the way they do.The earlier they realise it the better for them.

      P.s…To every gay in NB just save your energy cuz no matter how you Try/ fight/cry/shout it won’t change anything.

  9. vivianmorh

    May 22, 2015 at 11:48 am

    I wonder why so many ppl seem sooo quick to judge odas. Even the bible says who are u to judge anoda mans apprentice. I av seen so many soo called xtians who av premarital sex go abt shoutin that homosexuals are going to hell fire. Bin a xtian doesnt give u the right to be the judge of good and bad. When i tell ppl am a feminist the response i get is,,’ohh i thought u wia a xtian b4 ni oo’. The world is big enuf for all to live. Let God himself seperate the good from the bad. Dnt assume PA positn for him. Live ur own life how u see fit bt dnt use that as a yardstick to measure odas.

  10. tunmi

    May 22, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Thank you Kambili. The thing that irks me the most is when folks refer to it as a lifestyle. A lifestyle implies that one chooses to engage in it. Being gay is not a lifestyle in the way that being straight is not a lifestyle. You did not choose to be attracted to that gorgeous chef, not Fregz the other one. You did not choose to be attracted to any of the opposite sex you had a relationship with, you simply found them attractive in some way. Calling it a lifestyle implies that they choose to love or be attracted to the same-gender. No.

    • Meena

      May 22, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Lmaoo saw that! ”Not Fregz…the other one’ the shade though.

    • tunmi

      May 22, 2015 at 11:41 pm

      Noooo I love Fregz, I just forgot the other guy’s name. If I had the funds I am hiring Fregz, Rooney, 9jafoodie and all of them to cater.

    • Dee

      May 22, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      LMAO!!!! Chai tunmi why shade on Fregz like this nah?

  11. tunmi

    May 22, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    For those who are attracted to children, it nay not be a far reach to conclude that they are born that way. It is entirely something different to act on those attractions, then it becomes child abuse. There are many pedophiles who do NOT act on their feelings, MANY. And I appreciate them for it because it must be a painful existence. The same goes for those attracted to animals. When your orientation causes harm to another and is devoid of consent, it must be horrible and I cannot even imagine it. So to the pedophiles who work to keep their orientation under control and keep themselves away from children, thank you.

    Google’s algorithm are life, all you need is a keyword or a phrase and voila http://www.alternet.org/are-some-men-born-pedophiles-new-science-says-yes-sexologists-say-not-so-fast

  12. Chiedu

    May 22, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    @ Writer.
    Do christian humanist exist?
    Humanism contradicts Christianity. Humanism is a philosophical and ethical stance that emphasizes the value and agency of human beings, individually and collectively, and generally prefers critical thinking and evidence (rationalism, empiricism) over established doctrine or faith (fideism). While Christianity prefers faith (fideism) over rationalism and empiricism. Humanist do not believe in the death and resurrection of Christ.

  13. goodiebagman

    May 22, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    Cindy, you are a somebody

  14. bruno FIERCE

    May 22, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    u can not counter my comments thats why u start insulting me. there’s nothing wrong in insulting me, I don’t mind the insults but pls after insulting me, state ur case.
    who cares if I make grammatical errors, as far as u can understand the point I’m making that’s all that matters. and I have never clicked the love this button on any of my comments ever.

    many of u have fish brain. it doesn’t matter the amount of love this someone gets on their comment. what matters is what the person is saying. smh

    u are not a psychologist neither did u study human sexuality in university so who are u to say gay people are abnormal.

    mr and mrs matured people on bellanaija .
    olodo

    • tiny colored miracle

      May 23, 2015 at 10:43 pm

      E pain am!!!…it z well with ur soul,u wil be fine,sogbo…maybe u can consult ifa,ndo….

  15. Funmilola

    May 22, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    You strongly believe in a system that regards people as capable of using their intelligence to live their lives rather than relying on religious belief……and you are also a Christian who should supposedly believe that Christians do not live by the flesh but by the Spirit……and where does homosexuality fit into the Spirit?and every other sin too. Babe,you are contradicting yourself……when I read comments from people like Msa and niola,I know that its not strange saying no to homosexuality no matter how you and your type try so hard to make people believe.

  16. Easy n Gentle

    May 22, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    To each his own, as long as they are adults and consenting, carry go!!! in that same breath, we are a democracy. In as much as we try to protect the rights of minority, what the majority wants goes and majority can’t make sense of it. the compromise there is, do your business indoors, NO PDAs but then they are human, and humans are never satisfied. soon they’d be fighting for the right to PDA and what not, so I say not to give them an inch in the first place. Make it a non issue but do not criminalize it. caveat: this is my personal opinion and does not reflect the opinion of whom I work for or what I represent

  17. peyton

    May 22, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Interesting…. I just been wondering lately if science comes up today and says sleeping with animals or children is genetically proven or some scientific story framed up to justify whatever sexual desires people want to practice. I find it albeit hypocritical that while it is wrong to criminalize gay marriage it seems okay to criminalize polygamy?? even in countries were gay marriages are allowed polygamy is a criminal offence.
    I do not support gay marriages, nor do i support homosexuality it goes against my belief. Do i believe they should be criminalized no do I also believe that because i hold a contrary view i should be demonized hell no. I do not have to agree to your lifestyle i should be able to freely say marriage for me is between a man and woman without getting attacked. It is my belief and one i will hold onto because I do have a right to my beliefs.
    I do agree that one cannot claim to be a humanist and then claim to be a christian. you cannot serve 2 masters. Christianity is founded and based on a relationship with GOD and in that relationship what is sin and sinful is defined. You cant believe in GOD and choose how you serve him it dosen’t work that way.

    • whocares

      May 22, 2015 at 5:15 pm

      See I don’t understand why you cannot be a humanist and a Christian. The last I checked, God gave you those faculties.. the brain and everything needed for critical reasoning, so why cant you employ them? How does that detract from your faith? Of course there needs to be a balance, and that is why I think the better Christians do not blindly follow the bible or their pastor. To that extent, I believe they are compatible, Of course its all about balance but I think adopting both actually prevents fanaticism on either side. I like to think of it as the relationship between the id, ego and super ego.

  18. Tosin

    May 22, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Amen, optimistic Nigerian. Amen.

    O God of all creation
    Grant this our one request:
    Help us to build a nation
    where no one is oppressed
    – from the past Nigerian National anthem.

    Wallahi, can Buhari help us maybe go back to that anthem with some modifications – I just made one here even, from “no man” to “no one” , and could do some more I believe the big issue back in the day was “though tribe and tongue may differ in brotherhood we stand” as in they wanted to emphasize oneness not diversity. ANYWAY, …
    http://newsbuka.blogspot.com/2012/08/naija-anthem.html (the very modern anthem, sung like Nigeria, we hail thee) ask your parents/grandparents for the tune/melody.

  19. Sarah

    May 22, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Bruno’s comment to Miss SA’s respectful view point is exactly the point. I live in the UK and a lot of homosexuals are rude, forceful and very antagonistic. You should read about the case of the Ashers. Bruno, jut because someone does not agree with your viewpoint makes them a bigot? It would appear homosexuals are deliberately targeting Christians in a the UK and USA but God will see us through. Homosexuals want to force their view point down people’s throats. do you see Christians calling homosexuals bigots? Christians love homosexuals BUT hate HOMSEXUALITY. Is it by force? Why must we love what you love-and by the way, homosexuality is a choice not something a person is born with. May God help Nigeria and may homosexuals never gain ground in Nigeria.

    • Mr A

      May 23, 2015 at 11:58 am

      You call defence being rude,the hiomosexuals are only called rude because u fell intimidated by there presence,what do u expect from a group o people that hate words a hurled at dem all thru der lyfs.Dey are being self protective and not rude

  20. Betwhy

    May 23, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Why is the writer’s face obscured by that whole mass of hair? I want to believe if you will make a stand for something, then do so proudly!

  21. Mr A

    May 23, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Okay I think it’s time for my own rant,when a girl sit on her bffs leg it ain’t serious but when a guy holds hand with another u start getting stares from every quarter.No one is forcing being gay to another but the fact that being gay is d king of all sins.What baffles me is how everyone channels there anger to another persons lifestyle,and u wud be stunned that u you have at least 2 in 5 of your friends are gay .What happens when u find out that ur bbm is gay does he or she all of a sudden become an abomination.Dear all ,its a free world,since they are not forcing der sexual preferable down ur throat let dem leave u can choose to be supportive and render advices like protection and stuffs or learn to keep mute.

  22. solemn

    May 23, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    My own observation is, no one has answered the big question. if there is sexual consent, the act should be seen as normal abi?
    Bruno and d likes,incest should also be seen as normal right?
    your father comes today to tell you he is sexually attracted to your sis,who feels same way; and you are going to accept its normal.
    I have always said it and will keep saying it. Homosexuality is abnormal. And the raging propaganda on it only connotes evil.
    May those who think you can be a humanist and a Christian,keep deceiving themselves.

  23. lacey

    May 24, 2015 at 12:51 am

    My dear being gay,is like somebody saying I am a drug addict and you must accept me! This writer is not a Christian,but a very silly humanist who is confused! Lev18:22,Lev20:13,Det23:17,Rom1:26-27,1Cor6:8-10/Col3:5/1tim1:9,10! God bless this writer and Bruno’s darling souls and stupid hearts!

  24. [email protected]

    May 24, 2015 at 2:48 am

    This homosexuality talk gets really tiring, and it has been over flogged. *sigh* Amongst the argument y’all should just remember the world is gonna end soon. Put your house in other, get your acts together. It’s just gonna be sad when the TRUTH hit some pple and they come to the realization of things. But it’s gonna be too late.

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