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Ugochi V. Ukah: Dish Washers & Deal Breakers

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I come from a big family where my mother would always yell “Everybody, wash your plates after eating.” Of course, this instruction did not apply to my parents or to an elderly visitor as we knew better. So after every meal, my sisters and 1 would diligently wash our plates but we would wake up in the morning to still find dirty plates in the sink. Obviously, the culprits were not hard to spot as we, the girls, could tell that the boys had not obeyed the instructions. It was not just because we had not directly seen them washing their plates but also by the way food and finger marks were left all over their plates as if they had just returned from a warzone. Needless to say, arguments would ensue about who used the plates left in the sink and why. The lame excuses that we used to get included – I could not find the sponge; the water had stopped running; NEPA took the light and so I could not see; it was too late so I did not want to wake anybody up with noise; or ridiculous as it might sound, sometimes one would say “Oh, I did not know that we were supposed to wash the plates.” To each statement, we (the girls) usually had a befitting response. You see, we were very defensive as we knew that we would be the target of scolding if my mother saw the dirty dishes.

That was the annoying bit; even though she had made the dishwashing announcement, my mother never bothered about whether they were followed or not and after a while, I came to realise that what she really meant by “Everybody” in that first sentence was “Daughters”. Most of the time, our arguments were in vain as it did not matter if we showed her whose nails were similar to the scratches on the plate, who ate their meat bones in a particular manner, who usually never finished licking their soup or whatever level of proof that we brought forward concerning the ‘non-dish-washers’. Instead she would just reply “The time you used to play plate detective, you could have used it to wash the plates.” And so the task of plate washing usually fell on me as I was the youngest capable daughter at that time because my younger sister was too young. I would see my brothers smirking as I fetched some water in a bowl and began washing and sometimes, they would even stand by the corner pointing out spots on the plate that I had missed. I would be very pissed off, not because it was a difficult task but because I thought that the logistics (including other details I would not bother to list) behind it was unfair.

Therefore, I grew up with an aversion to unwashed plates which I am reminded of occasionally in my friendships or relationships. For instance, whenever I visit a friend’s place and there are dirty plates in the sink, I would complain or better still, start washing them even though I dislike the chore (for reasons explained earlier). Some of my friends have wondered if I have some form of OCD but far from it as many other areas of my life are not as organised. It is just the plate issue and come cold or heat, sickness or in health, I always wash my plates immediately after eating unless someone else has been self-designated to do the washing or there is a dish washer (in which case, I quickly load my plates in there). Regardless of the situation, the plates must not be left out dirty, in my opinion. It is much easier for me to complain or speak my mind with my friends and even help out because we are usually helpful to one another and very ‘sister-like’.

However, the problem is when this occurs in my dating life as I am never really sure about how to go about it. I could try to ignore the situation if the dirty dishes were in the guy’s house but when a fellow comes to my place, eats my food and leave the plates unwashed, I usually get quite irritated as I am reminded of my brothers’ smirks. I would not say that this behaviour is a deal breaker in a relationship for me but it certainly makes me wonder how the man was brought up and what other household chores he might not be willing to do. Eventually, I would begin to watch him more closely and of course, find more faults which make the possibility of the relationship being sustained to plummet. I have heard some people say that you should just tell the person directly what you want just as you would tell a friend. So I have tried that in the past and I have got a response like “Oh, I have not finished eating. I was going to get more food” even though the plate had been left unused for the preceding ten minutes. One time, I strategically waited for a while after he had finished eating and then asked if he wanted more food to which he declined, before I blurted out “So why is your plate glued to the table then?” Yeah, I know that might have sounded rude but I did not really care at that moment.

I have heard many men talk about how they desire to have a ‘homely’ wife with certain qualities such as cooking, cleaning, and childbearing abilities (I call them CCC) amongst many others. Therefore, a lady who does not do the dishes might be a relationship deal breaker for some men. Being a Nigerian and having had a similar upbringing, I can understand where they are coming from although I do not agree with some of the expectations people have. Yes, there may be some chores that seem more feminine or masculine but that does not mean that you should ignore them if you are able to do them just because you are of a different gender. This is not to say that dishwashing is a problem for only the men as I have already mentioned earlier that I know some females who act similarly.

However, my belief is “If you are capable of dishing out your own meal and feeding yourself, then you are capable of washing your own plates; so kindly do so.” In my mind, the solution might be for everyone to have specific plates which they would carry along (even as visitors) so that when it is time for another meal and their plates are dirty, they would have to wash them first. It is my hope to bring up my family in ‘non-gender-specific-duties’ way such that everyone is capable of doing all chores because I believe that while you may seek for certain qualities in a partner or friend, it is highly possible that the other party involved equally desires such a ‘homely’ fellow too.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Photographerlondon

Ugochi V Ukah is a student and loves writing in her spare time; using sarcasm, humour and wit to relay her thoughts. Visit her blog for more stories at: www.ugochivukah.blogspot.com and follow her on twitter @vivio_gogo and IG: @ugochiukah

90 Comments

  1. GL

    May 25, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    I hate washing plates.
    I HATE WASHING PLATES.
    Phew!

  2. W's wife

    May 25, 2015 at 1:21 pm

    Lol! Girl, you should come live with my husband. He NEVER washes his plates. Why should he? He married a wife who went to market, cooked the food and dished it too. All he had to do was feed himself. So why should he add plate washing to the onerous task of spooning food into his mouth?

    abeg, we just choose our battles wisely. Shikena.

    • Jo!

      May 25, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      looooooooool. Love the way you’re taking this.
      And”choose your battles wisely”,Mr W married a wise woman, marriages have scattered for much less

    • ShineShineShine

      May 25, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      @ W’s wife, #RESPECT. E kizzez (In Falz’s voice)

    • shopperoflife

      May 26, 2015 at 12:08 am

      This is what l will do when l marry……The operative word here being “when” l marry. I wonder how many commenters on this particular post are married or have been married for more than 3 years? I do not mean marry on social media o. A wise woman know to choose her battles wisely. Thank you W’swife deep comment.

  3. mywifeisfiiiiiiine

    May 25, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    My mum told me that when she got married to my dad before the era of maids, she cooked the food and my dad did the dishes and I have never forgotten. I know how to cook and it is not fun for me, I don’t like cooking. If my wife na the official cook I guess I am the official plate washer. It’s just the 2 of us, well 3 cause of my baby so it’s not so hard to do. As we expand na dish washer go be the answer. I don’t like it but I do it

    • Tee

      May 25, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Thank you for being a responsible and caring husband. Women were not created to suffer. My husband helps to clear the plates and wash them and on days when we are both tired, we do the dishes together;I wash while he rinses. The gists and laughter in the kitchen make the tiredness bearable and the bond better. No female gene was coded for chores.
      We have checked for the price of a dishwasher. Once the house becomes very full, LG here we come….lol!

    • Sky

      May 26, 2015 at 9:27 am

      God bless you!

  4. ktdt

    May 25, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    I feel you!!! So many of our moms messed up on this chore sharing thing/genderbased expectations.

    However the way it worked in my house growing up was that each person had an assignedchore for the week- could be cooking, sweeping or washing plates and the older ones did this until they dropped off and the younger sibs came of age e.g. first 3 oldest rotated the tasks then the oldest dropped off (say at 18 or 21) and a younger one got bumped up(once you hit 11 or 12) to doing the chores. Thankfully, the boys were rightafter my sister and before me 🙂

    That said I HATE washing dishes and came to an agreement early with my husband that I’ll cook while he washes the dishes (he draws the line at washing pots though!). So imagine my shock when I hear my MIL had been telling people I “refuse to wash plates but can cook for Africa”!! Is it my fault my husband ‘forgets’ to wash plates when his mom is visiting? I told her “I heard you said such and such.. well I don’t wash plates so please pick it up with your son”. She was so embarassed! The thing these dishes cause..

    • ShineShineShine

      May 25, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      You confronted your MIL becos you heard she said……? Not becos she did something while you were both together and you had to clear the air immediately? O girl, u no try o. If gbege happen dat love of your life dat loves washing plates will resign and what ar u gonna do? Chose ur battles wisely.

    • ShineShineShine

      May 25, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      “Choose”

    • ktdt

      May 25, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      But madam, how you take know my full story? I just might be married for over 15 years and counting…I just might be the oldest wife/DIL of my MIL’s, the person telling on her might just have been the newest smallie iyawo to the family, in my kitchen. Learn not to assume too much (where did I mention that there was a confrontation? ) or give unrequested advice on marriage to people on the net who haven’t specifically asked you for it .

    • YettydKat

      May 25, 2015 at 9:21 pm

      BN why are some reply buttons not working?

      @ktdt, the cane that will flog you is soaking in kerosene. You are a foolish woman.

    • Zara

      May 25, 2015 at 10:43 pm

      It’s always good to straighten it out ohhhhh….tomorrow now person fit say na bcos u don tear eye..I wud do the same..if I won’t do it ….better know now ohhh…

  5. A Real Nigerian

    May 25, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    “Ugochi V Ukah is a student and loves writing in her spare time; using sarcasm, humour and wit to relay her thoughts.”
    Uhmm, where is the sarcasm, humour or wit in this one? All I saw was a substandard article with no real purpose other than to entertain the majority of Nigerians who love to chew on petty things.

    • zeee

      May 25, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      na wa for you o

    • Funms

      May 25, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      I second that! Na real WA….

    • soar

      May 25, 2015 at 2:03 pm

      The write-up caught your attention, that’s a plus for the writer.
      But for you; a minus seeing that you wasted space to comment with those empty lines of yours.
      Don’t be to ashamed to admit you are the PETTY Nigerian.

    • Truth

      May 25, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      I complained about this on a previous article, the commenters almost had seizures lol. Her writing is, to put it simply, shallow and lacks insight. I’m waiting for Isio to return…

    • Doxa

      May 25, 2015 at 7:45 pm

      Sailor! Isio is already 2 weeks back. Tomorrow will make it 3 weeks.

    • molarah

      May 25, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Then write your own na! Talk o di kwa cheap. She’s shallow for you but refreshing for others. You don’t like her articles? Simply scroll past, no one’s begging you to read.

    • Authentic Sunshine

      May 25, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      You are mean

    • Me

      May 25, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      @ktdt Madam married for fifteen years, obviously you are either newly married and you are still foolish or you are just plain stupid. Your comment is childish to say the least. If you do not want people to comment on your post then don’t share. Your story sef does not make sense.

  6. DP

    May 25, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    I believe that while you may seek for certain qualities in a partner or friend, it is highly possible that the other party involved equally desires such a ‘homely’ fellow too.: So so correct on this last comment you are so so op point

  7. Lilo

    May 25, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    I don’t mind doing the dishes for le boo. But what I have a major issue with is a grown man eating, licking his plate clean, getting up, going to the kitchen washing his hands and the coming back to sit in front of an empty plate. I am not you mom dude! I mean you could have dropped that plate in the sink when you went to wash your hands. This was a deal breaker for me and good luck to the woman who married my ex because I don’t envy you one bit.

  8. Loma

    May 25, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Lol…Sounds exactly like my life as a middle sister but with one brother, and your narration just helped me make sense of why I hate the sight of dirty dishes and often wash them even though I hate the chore. Sometimes I even lie to myself that it is because I love washing up (nah!).

    • Mayowa

      May 25, 2015 at 3:45 pm

      Looool, I think most families, especially Yoruba, if you’re a girl and a 1st born, that’s just a fast way for depression. Lol.
      Growing up, I did ALL the chores, even though I’m just a year older than my sister, she did nothing. My brothers too did nothing. My sister will watch TV while I stay in the kitchen and wash plates, (I always wondered why My Mum never asked her to join me in the kitchen) today she can neither take care of the house or her room, if she attempts to wash plates (rarely), she doesn’t know she’s supposed to clean the sink afterwards and the gas, and sweep the kitchen. My Mum’s response? “Well you’re the 1st born”. Of course, my brothers can’t do much, cause they’re “boys”. Parents need to teach all their kids etiquette, and not spend their energy only on the 1st child. The 1st child won’t go to his/her younger siblings homes and teach them how to run it. Boys as well should be taught to do basic things, so they’ll be able to cater for themselves. And no matter what they did wrong, she’ll support them, some Parents have double standards. I’ve never understood that first born comment, so stupid. I know better not to raise my kids that way. Loool.
      I understand the writer, in my childhood days, to avoid wahala for myself, I just did the chores.

    • Toyin

      May 26, 2015 at 5:12 am

      I am Yoruba, an only girl and firstborn but sorry this story does not resonate with me. We all washed plates. We all cleaned the cars……my dad included. Nothing like boy-chores and girl-chores in my house. In fact if truth be told my younger brothers did more than me sef. The only person who got preferential treatment was my mom. My brothers’ wives are chopping life now.

      As for me, in my naïveté, I thought my family was how every normal Yoruba family operated. I thought females slaving away while the guys played was all NTA drama. Ha! How wrong I was. Jammed someone from a real typical Naija family who at first pretended to believe in equality of the sexes. Couldn’t deal abeg.

    • Mayowa

      May 26, 2015 at 9:08 am

      It doesn’t have to “reasonate ” with you. I didn’t refer to ALL families so please take your post and comment elsewhere. I’m referring to myself and MANY other people I know who’ve said same, including Aunties and Uncles, friends, enemies and acquaintances. It definitely doesn’t happen in all families, but majority. Thanks and bye! 🙂

    • Mayowa

      May 26, 2015 at 9:09 am

      Oh you’re the only girl? No wonder yours is different. Queen!!! You’re even lucky, for others even if they were in your situation, they wouldn’t be that lucky.

    • Mayowa

      May 26, 2015 at 9:12 am

      Go a little to the end of the post and read Nadia’s comment who’s an only girl but the first child just like you.

  9. soar

    May 25, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    *too

  10. Diddy

    May 25, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    Writer u said in ur word and i quote,it is my hope to bring up my family in a non gender specific duties,while it is a very good thing to say so does include teaching your daughters how to wash ur car,or is it designated only to males?just asking

    • mzreeny

      May 25, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Yes, my dear. I washed my dad’s car growing up and I loved it. It’s not that difficult. I am a girl.

    • Diddy

      May 25, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      keep it up Nne

    • cindy

      May 25, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Classic defense argument. Anyway, most ladies I know wash their parents’ cars. I used to when I was little with my dad and I enjoyed it. Now I don’t because they’ve got drivers. My brothers wash the cars they take out and it’s because they are the ones using it. Clean up your own mess. It’s really no biggie. In fact, I’d find it romantic to wash car with hubby, spraying water on eachother and all.?

    • Diddy

      May 25, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      why u no find am romantic?abi na wrapper u go tie?wen i know se na either bum short or bikini u go wear,so e go dey fun to u,well is nice to know dat some of u cn actually wash cars

    • cindy

      May 25, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      I thought I was the only one who hated doing the dishes. I’m now the last daughter again, so imagine my horror. Maybe it’s because my brothers are older so they’d rather use the excuse of me being the last child than being a girl. Funny enough, now that we are all older the gender roles are starting to get vague. It had to do with a lot of revolting on myself and my sister’s part though. They can’t beat me anymore anyway?? Everyone does everything now – cook, wash plates, clean, feed the dogs, fuel the generator etc……well, except popman of course. He tries sometimes. It makes life so much easier abeg. I have a lot of friends who say they hate going home because of the chores. Then it’s not home again I beg. You face pressure everywhere else, you shouldn’t be under pressure at home too. Home is for relaxing. Shared work (and I mean shared work not division of labour o) makes things seem less difficult. Hence, I can’t marry a man that isn’t domestic biko.

    • serene

      May 25, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      I washed my mum and dad’s car. I didn’t have much of an option anyway since I was the only child

    • Nekky

      May 25, 2015 at 11:53 pm

      ‘m female and i enjoyed washing cars when i was younger. Its no biggie jor. but do u know how annoying it is when u re washing the dishes and plates will just be added to d dirty pile as u re washing Especially if its a big family. It doesnt take anything to wash your plate after eating after all you are the one that used it.

  11. Somebody

    May 25, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    @A real Nigerian, I feel your pain. It’s the fuel scarcity that is causing this one. Mumu.

  12. chi-e-z

    May 25, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    I’d happily wash dishes, cook, clean anyday jut don’t mess up right after I clean up like WHY? ugh… guys u clean as soon as u finish washing last plate that’s when they bring that plate or spoon they 4got ugh… 😀

  13. Moyo

    May 25, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    @a real Nigerian, your comment was quite rude, no one forced you to read the article, in my opinion, it was well written, I don’t know if you expected her to write like Shakespeare or Wole Soyinka. Really.

  14. Nadia

    May 25, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    I can totally relate to this article. I’m the first of six children and the only female. In my case, I practically did every chore from doing dishes to washing cars. My parents would assign different chores to each of us on a rotational basis but somehow I always ended up doing everything because my brothers felt it was okay for a girl to do house chores while they go outside to play football or watch TV.

    So many years later and each of us living in different continents/cities, it’s funny how they still depend on me and our parents. My mum sometimes wishes she was as strict with the boys as she was with me. Glad, my husband is hands-on around the house because these days I only show my “talents” when it is absolutely necessary.

  15. Men bashing continues

    May 25, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    Men bashing continua!

    Wait ladies, are u people so jobless or you are day dreaming of what will be when you eventually marry?

    Many of you are so childish, insecure and got complex. Many of you are not ready for marriage so pls spare d men in your lives and grow up first.

    For Gods sake, what’s the biggie in washing plate? Chai. As a man, I cook, do dishes, clean up…….and any thing possible. Infact if I realize a maid, gf, wifey or so doesn’t do it well, I step in and do myself.

    Washing plate is another big problem to you? Pls forget marriage, remain single and enjoy your life. After you done eating, keep the plates for 1mnth before u wash it.

    There are more serious issues in marriage than dish washing. Yall should grow up a beg

    Daily childish & spoilt brats rant

    • geeeeeee

      May 25, 2015 at 5:03 pm

      Such a big deal to you,that is why you are ranting

    • cindy

      May 25, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      Please shut up! So that you don’t sound more ridiculous than this…….just shut up! No one is bashing men here, what I see here is people saying they want more domestic men. Or are you guilty of what the writer is saying? E dey pain you shey? People are speaking up on centuries of female oppression in the guise of marriage and you are here ranting. When you have a daughter, raise her however you want sho gbo? Make sure she grows up to lick the ground her brothers walk on and eventually her husband too. Mtchew. So someone can’t say what they like or don’t like again? If you read the article well and allowed your IQ actually function, you’d realise that what the writer and most comments here are saying is that we hate doing dishes but do them anyway just because it’s a necessity. You male folks should learn to do basic things not because you like to but because it is basic human etiquette. Stop ranting like a kid and read coherently. Boda Sule?

    • D Main Man

      May 25, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      @cindy, sometimes i wonder if you personally dislike guys, your comments are irksome, Well many guys i know do chores more than the ladies oh.

      years back in our family house, we the guys go to market and buy better stuffs than the females in our house. I had always thought its a norm “eat and wash your plate” in every household because the rule seemed normal to all in the house.

      My parents can never eat ‘unpounded” garri, so every night i had to pound, since am the last and my immediate elder sister got married in her final year. i would ask mum what we are to eat the next morning, so its easier for me to start very early in the morning…i even feel its laziness to cook and let another person do the watching because cooking is done in batches, as you are adding some…you are washing some. i cringe when i read all these unnecessary division of labour.
      Ladies…diid you peel egusi seeds? Did you do farm work on hectares (before our palm plantation grew). i even can taste a soup and immediately tell you the ingredient you didn’t add, i can even tell you which one of the ingredients you didn’t add timely.

      sometimes i wonder what more cooking sense my future dear wife gonna have. Chinese cuisine maybe.

    • Animal Doctor

      May 26, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      What I know is after you lot have logged off your PCs and phones, you will enter your various kitchens and do the needful, so enjoy your online gangsterism on here.

    • ji

      May 25, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      If this article pains you so much, thne look inside because, you are the problem

    • Say What!

      May 25, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      Calm your titties sissy …or is it balls?

  16. Wow

    May 25, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    I absolutely HATE doing dishes. So hubby and I had an agreement before we got married that he’ll be doing the dishes. Thank God for him. He does help around the house. Sometimes when he’s tired, of course I’ll do them. I too grew up in a house full of boys who didn’t really do much chores around the house. So I feel your pain jare. But doing dishes shouldn’t be a deal breaker o. Like someone said earlier, pick your battles.

  17. tutu

    May 25, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    There are more important things to look at in a relationship than whether or not the other party does the dishes…

    • Jhennique

      May 25, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      My dear by the time you have kids running around the house and coupling being a working wife and mother it will be important to you.

    • cindy

      May 25, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      I agree with you. But if doing dishes or not is going to cause resentment on my part, I’d rather tell him honestly or end things if he his proving stubborn. It kind of shows lack of personal hygiene and reeks of over dependency. That is one thing I can stand biko. I don’t want to be pickings socks and flushing toilet later biko. If you don’t do anything else, at least be able to clean up after yourself.

  18. Jhennique

    May 25, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    My dad and brother wash dishes. My ex is also that kind of man,. Hopefully i will marry that kind of man too. Not that i intend to over bear him with work. im a wise woman afterall. Not the kind of man that will no lift a finger. You will be coming back after labour and childbirth to meet an unscrubbed bathroom or an unswept palour or even an unmade bed because hubby refuses to do chores. Tufiakwa!

  19. Ijerinma

    May 25, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    @tutu, at this point we are talking about doing dishes, kk. Both parties should just help each other.It takes two to tangle

  20. Cynthia

    May 25, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    “If you are capable of dishing out your own meal and feeding yourself, then you are capable of washing your own plates; so kindly do so.” – Ugochi Ukah, 2015
    Gbam!!!!!!!!!!!100x

    Finally! *pulls wig off!
    Why can’t they wash their plates? Why can’t they feed themselves? Why must I – because I have boobs and vagina be pressed into washing the plates and cooking their food? Who made these our permanent jobs?

    Mothers! All our mothers who raise us differently. They are the ones that have continuously made it our duty to *take care of them*.

    Who takes care of us? If you ask that they wash your pants now, you will see them running to village meeting to report you.

    To be clear – I must say this. Hunger is not gender-sensitive and that goes for dish-washing. You eat, you wash – nothing dey there as a *man -dude- boy in comment above has said. Let him educate his other men so we all can have peace.

    If you fit chop, you fit wash.

    And mothers, raise your children without special treatments.
    We are the same in the eyes of the creator, let us remain the same indeed.

    Amen.

    • D Main Man

      May 25, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      babez…, Lol, comedian?

      Abeg, Abeg no forget to go with your wig oh.

    • Pat

      May 26, 2015 at 5:15 am

      @Cynthia u got me laughing :).

    • Cynthia

      May 26, 2015 at 8:47 am

      Hahahahahhaha….I picked it up. Never reach to buy new wig

  21. Chief

    May 25, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    @men bashing continues,no mind them.It bugs me out reading all these comments.Why should your husband cook for you and do Dishes? I don’t get it.Why are Nigeria women like this????Real men don’t do dishes.

    • Nanna

      May 25, 2015 at 4:56 pm

      Oh yes they do! Some men enjoy cooking and washing up and there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. In fact they are ‘realer’ than men like you who are still narrow-minded and stunted.

    • geeeeeee

      May 25, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      See them,Lazy Chief, Real men dont do dishes, Negodi isi ya….

    • mo

      May 25, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      Sorry for your wife. Really? men don’t do dishes. The same lies your father’s have been feeding u with. If real men can eat real men should do the dawn dish.

    • cindy

      May 25, 2015 at 6:03 pm

      @chief……that’s our you grade yourself? Lmaoooo……..how about real men don’t need the ego, laziness & selfishness to prove that they are real men? Real men kwa!

    • Mabel

      May 25, 2015 at 7:02 pm

      Dude, get real. How the hell is your ego tied up into the washing of plates and cooking for food? My father cooks and washes dishes, heck he washes them more than me because he hates the kitchen in a state and does his laundry. My mom is not always around and he does not sit and wait for us to take care of him, he is the man and a man knows how to take care of himself. A real man knows how to take care of himself! get that? Learn to be a real man in the world for a change! No wonder some of you walk around with skidmarked draws, not even your behinds you can wipe properly. Learn to take care of yourself!!!

    • ji

      May 25, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      Ebi a pa? Hunger go show you wen. Sit there dey yarn real men.

  22. Mabel

    May 25, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Learning to take care of yourself is a life skill. Cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, ironing and simple sewing should be taught to all children in the household, so that they can be prepared to be responsible adults and sustain themselves on their own. You got young men who can’t fry an egg or put a simple button on a shirt and waiting for wife, ridamdiciulos! We live in a world now where women have to work too and most households cannot survive on just one income so who is to do all this housework?

  23. Paix

    May 25, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    LOL yep as much as I do not like washing plates….I can stick it but ironing is a Nay..Nope..No…I hate it o. Now when I read articles and responses such as this, I always thank God for my parent and then wonder if they were an abnormally cause “Everyone” in my house was brought up to be responsible, do chores, cook, wash plates, clean the house, bake et al. And washing plates was a serious chore in my house o….cause the style that my mum adopted na story for another day…soak in warm water, wash in cold, rinse in warm, rinse in cold, last water while rinsing must be clear,…drain , dry with a dish clothe and stack away….Abasi Mi Mbok.

    Now to everyone doing all chores, especially my brothers who came before the girls , they were brought up to do so, infact more was expected from them than the girls. So I grew up assuming this was the norm in all homes, boy was I shocked when I was exposed to boys do not wash plates, boys do not do this and that syndrome and my response was but in my house boys do everything, much more than the girls cause my parent especially my mum brought them up to be responsible and be able to help around the house….and yep my brothers used to help my mum out with baking and cake decoration as needed. Infact the boys were called on first to take on roles before the girls. Phew mbok biko I must do same for my kids o.

  24. Chief

    May 25, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    @mabel,does it make your father a real man??? With due respect Nope !!…it’s against the code of a real man.Do dishes??? Why are you Nigeria women looking for a way to disrespect Men???? A real man go to the kitchen and do dishes??? My God!!

    • R.

      July 15, 2015 at 3:41 am

      You are a pant boy. Can’t keep my comments to myself any longer. OK you that is ‘real’ man, what have u done? What nonsense code. Rubbish

  25. Doxa

    May 25, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    Maybe I belong to a different school of thought, but …
    I don’t like doing dishes too, or cooking or cleaning, infact I don’t like doing anything, I’d rather have it done for me. However, for now, I do not have anyone to do it for me so I do it by myself.
    If I who does not like doing anything dates and marries Mr. A who does not like doing anything too, that makes it very simple, we will employ someone to help us do it, shikena!
    Honestly, when I hear (and read) about all these chore sharing between husband and wife, I cannot accept it. Will I now be quarelling with my husband because he does not wash the dishes, or will I now break up with a nice guy because of same? No nau.
    Was it Myles Munroe or Matthew Ashimolowo who talked about the things only you can do for yourself and the things someone can do for you and how you should channel your time and energy in doing the things only you can do for yourself and let people help you do the others.
    Cooking, cleaning, house-keeping can be done by someone else, paying attention to my husband and children can only be done by me, so I focus on those ones in the home. Let my husband eat, the house-help will clear the dishes and wash them, while I concentrate on caring for him in more important ways.
    I don’t pray to marry a man who will insist on me cooking all his meals, however I can work towards having well prepared meals ready for the family whenever anyone is hungry, I do not necessarily have to do the cooking.
    I guess this is because of the way I was brought up, the only thing my mum did was to prepare meals (and that is because she LOVES cooking), infact whenever her business hits peak period she leaves the cooking for someone else. There were house-helps everywhere, what will my dad come and be looking for in the kitchen? All mum had to do was supervise them, I never saw her sweep or mop or dust or wash toilet.
    I may not marry a man as wealthy as my dad was, but neither will I have a household as big as we had, so I am pretty sure Mr. A and I will be able to afford at least 1 domestic staff, because honestly even me, if I see who will wash the plate, I won’t wash it, if you like shout and squeeze face from here till tomorrow, when you sha finish, carry the plate and wash, and I believe this is how some men think.

  26. ada

    May 25, 2015 at 9:57 pm

    don’t forget the capable man who takes care of his plate business usually but suddenly turns handicapped in that department once you visit or even just pass by. #phew# deal breaker for me if it becomes constant occurrence. Everyone should be able to take care of their mess or helpout abeg unless one party has volunteered to be dishwasher.

  27. Zara

    May 25, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Ehhhh I cook the food… Darling hub wash the plate..no time!

  28. Chisky

    May 25, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    Look at the bright side of the gender specific job sharing…you learnt how to cook 🙂 People seem to be forgetting tasks that were high intensity so they were left for the boys of the house. In my opinion it goes both ways and it isnt all black and white.

    Great write up though!!

  29. Stella

    May 26, 2015 at 12:39 am

    I never had problem with doing my dishes but remember my sister hated it then, she could pay with all she had if only anyone was willing to help her out.. I have a zero tolerance to leaving dishes overnight – they must not sleep there overnight! Not even ready to shift my stand on it for anyone

  30. UzeeFlyness

    May 26, 2015 at 7:56 am

    Gist of life…so u serve ur man food and when he is done he goes and wash the plate?? Ugochi!!!! Even oyibo no go do this one oh talkless of nigerian. So if u define ur relationship or judge the youngman’s character or upbringing based on dish washing,that means we should judge u based on ur reaction towards the single plate,why its hard for u to do a single plate,how lazy u might be to do laundry and clean the house,take care of the kids Too….my friend wash plate before i call ur mum to come read this and give u a good spanking u deserve…Alika.
    P.s…shebi i don read all abi??? Oya clap for me ?

    • bn anonymous

      May 26, 2015 at 8:55 am

      Plz, read the article well.

  31. Lolo

    May 26, 2015 at 10:20 am

    I am the first girl and I took over plate washing from my brother, my sister took over from me. Whew. Boy, was I relieved. I detest doing the dishes. Chai. So not an interesting chore.

  32. DY

    May 26, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Please enough of the complaints. All I need is a formula to compel my hubby to start picking his plate up after he eats and to at times wash the plate. I do not even need him to wash always.. But at least do not assign it to only me as if it were my job. It irks. So please women of wisdom, bring out the formula.

  33. ssah

    May 26, 2015 at 11:35 am

    i remember when my friend’s ex-fiance told her when they marry they will share financial responsibilities 50-50 because “nowadays providing for the family isn’t just a man’s job”, after much arguments, he agreed to 60-40. she was upset and worried. i was surprised, i asked her if he also said house chores will be 50-50 or 40-60 since nowadays as well house chores isn’t for the lady alone. ofcourse the guy didn’t agree. he asked her to buy furniture and all that into their house. at the end, everyone was glad the relationship ended.
    a guy that has that kind of mentality is trouble.

  34. Minister Ade

    May 26, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    Aha..

    I am the kind of guy that will leave my woman trying to catch up.
    Because i will do so wonderfully well without her being at home.

    Petty thing y’all talk about here for me… Well might be a big deal when you marry some of my male friends.

  35. Tee Hills

    May 26, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    While growing up, we the two girls and my brother did the dishes on a rotational basis when we were on holidays. if there’s no house help, for a week my elder brother could wash all the breakfast dishes, I could wash lunch and my younger sister dinner.
    If there’s a help, we would pick one time during the day to wash the dishes and the help would do the rest of the meals. My mum always ensured that we pitched in so that the help is not over worked.
    Same thing with laundry. We each wash our clothes while the help does the general laundry.
    I don’t like doing dishes but I’ve learnt to do them quickly and get it over with. Plus I don’t like seeing dirty dishes or a dirty kitchen in fact.
    When my mum had more kids, we also took turns with cooking dinner for our younger siblings. I remember waking up my younger sister to make dinner for our younger sibs.

  36. Day dreamers

    May 26, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    Y’all be day dreaming

    Wash plate ko, sweep the floor no

    Stay for your father’s house simple. Think marriage is a joke? I laugh in Spanish.

    Many of you still underage and “manless” at the moment. When you are eventually married, come back and tell BN how your husband washes plate

    @Doxa u the only sensible lady here, be my partner pls?

  37. chioma

    May 26, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    I Just hate washing plates naturally,and it’s very annoying washing dishes that I didn’t use.

  38. eyeswideopen

    May 26, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    I can so relate to this…first born and only girl equals donkey of the house. This post though made me realize how much i think its not fair for the woman to do all the chores around the house. Im so so used to being the one to do everything cuz of how i grew up that my bf is actually pretty spoilt now. Its like im constantly working around the house and hes just lounging and eating. I complain to myself but its time to act #change

  39. Debbie

    May 26, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    In my own house we didn’t do chores cos we had aunties around always, but as we grew lik 12, 13 we did things on our own, as an only girl sumtimes i wuld wake up early to wash my dad’s car and the neighbours it was fun for me. In my house we jst say, U cook today, while the other washes, u sweep the other mops , jst like that. Though we ђά̲̣̣vέ quarrels at times but we still share it amongst ourselves no boy or girl we are all children of same parents and live in same house . Would like in my own home to share the responsibility but if one fails then make him know nd get on with life

  40. Peter Oyeti

    May 26, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    lol…… i can speak for myself , i love washing plates and infact that is my pick when there is “division of labour” when i was growing up. it is simple and fun.

  41. Gal

    May 27, 2015 at 3:45 am

    I cried, wailed in fact caused more than enough trouble that chores were not shared evenly. It was as if my sisters and I had the chores gene. The only boy being the first child did not do jack. even what you would have considered masculine was done by my elder sis. My parents just did not bother. Gals haf suffered ehn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a world!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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