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Frances Okoro: Save Us From the ‘Come To My House’ Syndrome

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It was intended to be a simple PM on my BBM but the number of furious replies I got indicated that I had to expand my reach. The said PM was – “Naija men with come to my house, come to my house.” Is there seriously no young man who can advise his fellow men on dating etiquettes? Help us plssssss”

I sincerely felt that I was alone in this predicament till I started getting pings from people who were even more angry about it than I was. And then I realized that this is a general epidemic.

Now, I had different responses from people and I will attempt to put those responses into consideration and not be too streamlined with my views.
Most of the males who responded to my PM agreed with the fact that their brothers are not representing the male folks as well as they should in this area but one of the men made a case for our culture being the reason for this predicament.
According to him, Nigerians do not see the home as a private place and can invite just about anyone into their home. He also talked about the mentality that has been deeply ingrained in us – some men just don’t think that going on dates is necessary, or rather, “we can meet up at my house, there’s no need to go through all that white culture ish” (paraphrased)

As much as I understand where he was coming from and I agree with him that the Nigerian mentality has a lot to bear with this situation. I also think that there are two reasons why the “come to my house issue” is so rampant today.

(1) Some men just don’t think that it’s necessary to go through all that stress in wooing a lady anymore.
A friend of mine actually said that chivalry is dead in response to my PM but I am a positive person, so I refuse to believe that there is no single man on this earth who knows how to take a woman on a date and win her heart slowly – no, there must surely be such men left on earth. (yes, I am rooting for the male folks)

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“.
I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.
The man who inspired my PM is a lecturer. Another man who contributed to my cry for help studied law as a first degree. He is involved in media and publicity for a while, and is a called pastor… so you can go figure out the thing about education being a way to raise up people with a modern outlook on things.

(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.
Now, I have to be very careful with how I say this, because I understand like my male friend stated above: that for some men, inviting a lady to their house at first meeting just doesn’t mean anything to them. They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part.
So yes, I agree that those kind of men exist.

We don’t need to go deep down into stories do we? Or maybe we do.
Listen carefully and you will hear stories from the lady who has true stories to tell on how she had to fend off SERIOUS sexual advances just because she believed a man who said he had no ulterior motive for inviting her to his house.

Some of our female friends won’t open up to us but some ladies have been raped because of the “come to my house syndrome”
They cower in shame and guilt, berating their selves that they should have known better than to go to his house. And the society doesn’t make it easy on them too.
Most people would say things like – “Why did you go to his house? That’s a sign that you wanted the sexual act to happen”
So the victims keep quiet and bottle up the hurt and shame inside.

What about the guy that tells you to just come into his house while he dresses up so you both can go out and then, under the guise of that excuse starts drawing close for a kiss?

So the “come to my house syndrome” is a serious one.
Aside from the serious underlying issues of ladies who have had sad stories of sexual assault and rape to tell, it also begs for a total overhauling of the way some Nigerian men view wooing a lady – an overhauling of faulty dating mentalities.

If the woman was to be a street lady, we might pardon you, but no, you see a decent lady with her worth shining through and you just don’t want to put in an effort into treating her like the jewel that she is.
What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask?
It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.

So I plead again, don’t we have young mighty men of valor who can advise their fellow men on dating etiquettes?
Men who can organize classes and teach their fellow men these things – if it comes to that.
Or maybe I should be pleading with our churches too. Almost every church organizes programmes for ladies on how to be virtuous women, how to behave themselves while on a date, etc. Can’t such programmes be held for men too? Women aren’t the only ones who need to be groomed, men need to be groomed too.

So gentlemen, I sincerely still believe that there are a lot of you who are getting it right in the area of what I just talked about.
Please teach your fellow men about these things, we will be absolutely grateful to you all.

Signed,
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my house syndrome”

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bruno Monteny

Hephzibah Frances is a child of God and a delight to her Father's heart. She is a Lawyer, author and social entrepreneur called to the nations.She is the founder of The Women At The Well a Christian women ministry based in Lagos.andAwakening Youthful Seeds For Christ Initiative a Non-Governmental Organisation focused on raising purposeful youths.She is currently the author of four books including the best-selling book PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND. Get all her books here here And get her latest fiction book - "ENIOLA" for abused womenhereWanna know what to do while you are single? Join the "21 DAYS PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND PRAISE AND PRAYER CHALLENGE GOING ON RIGHT NOW! "here Join up the challenge on her Instagram channel @HephzibahFrancesEmail her at [email protected] in touch with her: On Facebook: HephzibahFrancesOn twitter @Hephzibahfran/On instagram @hephzibahfrancesWatch her videos on her Youtube Channel at - FrancesOkoroVisit her website at www.hephzibahfrances.com

139 Comments

  1. anonymous

    June 11, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Come to my house is annoying eh, the worst is ‘send a picture’ or ‘put different pictures of you as your dp for me’, when you refuse,you hear ‘but you’re beautiful, why don’t you like taking pictures?’.

    Although, some guys see ‘come to my house’ as a way of showing you they have nothing to hide.

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      @anon, the send a picture thing..this was so rampant when BBM craze just started eh and soooo annoying.

    • ssah

      June 11, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      or you hear, “send me a pic of you as you are” even , and especially when they know you are in bed. mcheewmmm

    • Abena

      June 11, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      That one just gets my goat!i mean you meet someone and the next minute or two,he is asking for your “nice” inserts sexy picture to me….
      I would politely ask you to take the one up on my dp,i am not sending you nada!
      What a sense of entitlement!!!!

    • goodiebagman

      June 11, 2015 at 8:50 pm

      Judging by the comments I’m seeing here, it’s safe to assume none of you are on tinder? lol
      Person wen read these comments go think say una no dey knack, meanwhile nobody knack pass una

    • Lola

      June 11, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      Goodie bag man.
      You are dull.

    • Kelly

      June 12, 2015 at 6:27 am

      Lol. Tinder is hardcore o.

    • Biodun

      June 12, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      LOL!!! well said my man!

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 12, 2015 at 5:00 am

      “Come to my house” or “send me a nice pic of you” the first time we see or chat, that’s the end…I blacklist you without warning

    • Ada

      June 12, 2015 at 8:29 am

      Send a picture na im vex me pass, I can stop talking to you just becasue of it o! ~petpeeve

    • Free

      June 12, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Too funny! I can relate… because it’s just so annoying.

    • Latifa

      June 13, 2015 at 7:00 pm

      My dear Frances, Thank you for speaking my mind and that of other ladies. That was how i met one dude via social media, we exchanged numbers and he called we talked for a while ( at least he was reasobable enough to call as oppose to whatsapp texting ) next thing he wants us to go clubbing that day that day. Wonders shall never end. When i declined he invited me to his house the next day (in other to see what he was gonna say) asked him to come pick me up and the He-goat told me to take a cab, i told him point blank that I wasn’t coming he even invited me to see a movie at the cinema and this arrogant man told me to take a cab there that he can’t pick me up WTF even if you’re the prince of Zamunda. I just quietly deleted him oh NO TIME FOR BRAINLESS CHICKENS.

  2. Teni

    June 11, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Hmmm, Thank God am not alone in this… Why would you invite me to your house when we haven’t even spoken 50 words to each other? You are asking a lady out and you can’t take the pain to meet her in her turf or where she’ll be free enough to converse naturally, and when i told the muntula that i am not coming to your house,he asked stupidly “what are you afraid of?” This is someone i met in a banking hall o,i don’t know his ebi or ara o!
    Some other guys was introduced to me by a mutual friend and it was almost as if i was forcing him to see me cos all he hammered on from day 1 is that i should come to his house.
    Please are these houses made of gold? Is there something you have there that we must see? Idongerrit o

    • Onye

      June 11, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      My dear, Idongerritt at all! I even thought it was just me all this nonsense behaviour was being directed to. Also, I intend to stay a virgin till I marry so I don’t need to be tempted or forced in any way possible.

    • Olufunmi

      June 12, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      @Onye, please do. Its the best you can offer God and urself. Thumbs up.

  3. Chinma Eke

    June 11, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Finally!!!!!!!! Someone addresses the ‘come-to-my-house’ syndrome. Nigerian men have grown lay-zeeee, as in lazy! Kai! They don’t even bother going through the motions, just straight up- come to my house, is their house a tourist destination?
    I once asked a male friend; if guys are not worried about ‘witches’ and being robbed and all those awful stories. His response was a shrug, and an; ‘you only live once’. Like, really?

    • Tomi

      June 11, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      Loool @ tourist attraction. Maybe it is, you never know..lol
      withtomi.com

  4. Oyindee

    June 11, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    My God,this hit right home,just this week Sat i was invited to a friend’s bday party at the beach and so i went and had a good time and as usual a guy requested for my number i obliged and we started chatting by Monday and by Thursday this was the chat i got ‘how do we see again and talk,am travelling for my frd’s sister’s introduction this week and i would love to go with you,its in Kogi State…..suffice to say i have since stopped replying all his chats.Haba,he didn’t even say ‘come to my house’,he was literally dancing with his D— in front of me and was saying ‘come to my temple and gbadun koboko’……lmao i just weak abeg

    • sbr

      June 11, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      lol at come to my temple…

    • pipi

      June 11, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      Some guys though! thats how i met one guy after talking a few times.. dude goes follow me for a wedding at enugu! hain i couldnt believe my eyes! did he just write that … delete button activated

    • emeraldish

      June 12, 2015 at 8:59 am

      this person is just hilarious

  5. http://xplorenollywood.blogspot.com

    June 11, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    WORD! Thank you for this. While men are the major players in this, please dont forget that some women also request to come over to guys houses as well. But i say a loud PREACH to the fact that chivalry is dead… Guys want to eat their cake and have it nowadays. wanting stuff to be done at their pace and time, but again, who can blame them? Ladies too dont have time to waste, some of us chase guys (lets not claim holy here) we like to the extent of sex sef, so if this happens, how exactly is this man suppose to chase another lady properlywhen he basically got some other ladies for free! So this conversation will never end! I however, stand that if a guy truly likes you, he will respect you and chase you anywhere.

  6. fête

    June 11, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Hmmmn this is a serious epidemic, a friend of mine was raped due to this come to my house syndrome. I’ll say this,my Nigerian brothers not every woman is a prostitute. I know there are a lot of prostitutes out there now but please not every girl is one. “Come to my house we’ll just chill and watch movies” they’ll not allow you drink water before they start groping you. Next thing you’ll hear is are you a kid? I thought you were mature. Even the ones that’ll take you to nice restaurant will be rubbing your thigh under the table. Next thing you’ll hear can I get just a kiss? It’s so irritating, I always say do you know whether I’m a witch? We just met for chrissake. Uggh! God help single women in this country

    • Tiny colored miracle

      June 11, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      Rub thighs ehen,may dm chill now,wen I pour cold fanta on u……olosii

  7. LOL

    June 11, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    ooh my goodness timely post. I can totally relate to this. ”come to my house come to my house” is there a movie showing at your house or sth? some guys have just totally lost their values, gone are the days when men were anxious to even take ladies on dates where they can totally have fun.

  8. Bleed Blue

    June 11, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    LOL! This “come to my house” syndrome sha!

    They get upset when you decline. They get fresh when you accept.

    “Come to my house nau, haba”. No thank you Sir, instead let us meet on the main road abeg.

    • ssah

      June 11, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      loooooooool @main road. i concur pa! let us meet on lagos/ibadan expressway sef…lols. alakoba

    • emeraldish

      June 12, 2015 at 9:03 am

      hahahahahahahaha, na real main road !

    • Adain

      June 12, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      LMAOOOO @ Main road. Weeps.

  9. cindy

    June 11, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    That was how I was invited out one evening like that to this dude’s house. The innocent me then trusted him because I’d known him for some years. Next thing I know, the guy started getting fondly whilewe were watching a family/horror movie, not even a romantic one. He even tried to get me drunk. I just jejely told him I was not ready. No need to say no…….requires too much explanation. Next time he asked us to go out to see a late night movie, he realised it was too late along the line because of traffic and asked me to sleep over again. I gave an affirmative NO. He got angry and dropped me back at school. The annoying part is that he got angry. I’m like oga why na? It is my body, I decide who I want to share it with when I want to share it. So you want me to stay so that you can try again bah? If I say no again, you’ll now force yourself on me. I cannot be telling story that touches the heart. I trust Nigerians, they’ll ask me why I went back after the first time. I’m sure it’s not a surprise that it was the last I heard from him.

    • natu

      June 11, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      They are animals!!! They don’t understand the meaning of courting.

  10. andy

    June 11, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    Omg ! I keep saying it … any guy that’s only after coming to your house (if you are a single lady) or keep asking you to come to his house, is upto no good. Have had my fair share of experience and if a guy ain’t ready to do things the proper way like, 1) invite you out on dates 2) call you to show how much he cares (and not call once in 1 week and complain, lament and cry wolf about you not calling !! Why in the world wld I wanna call your ***) etc, Pls Pls Pls … jam the nearest transformer !! We don’t have properly groomed men anymore and it’s so so such a sad thing. What the hell happened …. When they see a check all they see are boobs and bum !! They never look past that …. Men Pls wake up and do things the right way ! Women are getttng tired of all this …

  11. andy

    June 11, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    *CHICK

  12. poison ivy

    June 11, 2015 at 2:09 pm

    Come to my house is PH guy’s everyday language and also what are you doing this friday, let’s club na. So when they are done drowning you with alcohol they can now have easy access. Chivalry my dear is dead and gone in PH, I “tells” you.
    Usually when I get “the come to my house “, I reply by saying “what’s happening in your house “? Then they go further with the “ooooh Manchester is playing and I don’t want to miss it.
    Then I educate him by letting him know am doing you a favour here not the other way around, if am hanging it should be in a neutral environment where we both can be comfortable and you can spew all the made up lines you’ve got.
    Boys/Men nowadays want shortcut and we ladies are the problem here………Girl get your mind right and make them work for it.

    • kay

      June 11, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      WAHALI I THOT I WAS THE ODD ONE OUT,HAVE TURNED DOWN POTENTIAL GOOD GUYS COS OF THIS COME TO MY HOUSE WAHALA.
      AT A POINT THEY WOULD BE ASKING ME ARE U A KID,DO I WANT TO RAPE YOU….FORMING VEXING FOR ME.LOL
      Ph guys SMH cant wait to leave this town.From former experience have seen things and am team no till marriage.if u don’t agree to my terms its a no no.and even before i come i should be familiar to people who know u ,SO IF STORY THAT TOUCH COME I KNOW WHO I CAN HOLD.

  13. bibie

    June 11, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    People! I have learnt my lesson from that one o. almost got raped yrs ago and barely forgave myself cos i carried my two legs there. Real stupid thing to do. Even if the guy is a monk, my dear may experience not be your best teacher.

    So fast forward, years later, my then relationship is ruined and starting another one. This holy bro asks the same and since we have been visiting each oda as friends i tot i shouldnt inflict the punishment of a sinner on this saint. I’m sure he has no such intention. What did i get in return? “asking for a kiss” roving hands. Ol’ boy! no more house runs, come to my house, meet in a park or restaurant or leave it! Shuo, no be by force to see biko

  14. At Last

    June 11, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Perfect timing……I wonder why a guy will need to invite a lady over to his house on a first date…Haba even if ure not the hanging out type, lets simply take a walk would be better….

  15. sussy

    June 11, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you my sisters, its so damn irritating, immediately you tell me “come to my house” for our first date, i mark a big X against your name and you may never see me again, whenever am ready to visit you, I will let you know.
    I met and have met so many guys, we will have an interesting conversation, next thing is “what are you doing this weekend, come to my house?” I say “no”, they will be like don’t tell me you are one of those “I don’t visit guys in their houses type of girl” ,the next thing is I inform them I’m not mobile and cannot do wakadube around Lagos, but since you want to see me and can’t suggest any place, my house is wide open to you.

  16. @vivanaija

    June 11, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    I just had to comment! Story of my life! Naija guys here in the US are actually worse! They want you to travel cross-country to meet them when you barely know each other!

  17. xxxxxxx

    June 11, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Spot on. this syndrome gets me upset all the time. annoying part is when you take the initiative to request that you meet up a a neutral place, the response is c’mon we are not kids. are we just knowing ourselves for the first time? i mean, if we can adopt the culture of using cutleries to eat , why not the culture of wooing a lady? Men please stand up and learn the rules

  18. Splen

    June 11, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Hmmm. my sister this issue of come to my house is a serious thing with naija guys, I thought am the only one experiencing it.

  19. bee

    June 11, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    The come to my house ish is definitely annoying, but your post got me wondering , when is the right time to visit a guy at his place? when you guys are officially dating? or when you comfortable enough with him?

    • sussy

      June 11, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      I think its whenever you’re comfortable enough with him, you don’t have to wait till you are dating.

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      Bee, for me, it’s when I am comfortable enough to visit him, which he should let take the normal course of things – growth, not forcing it to bud and then ruining everything…

  20. James

    June 11, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    This is funny.. . 2 girlfriends have left me in a short time because i refused to invite them to my house. I actually prefer meeting in a public spot, have drinks, laugh, gist etc. Alas, they didn’t like that.. I may be wrong, but i think a lot of guys tell ladies what they like to hear.
    I won’t hesitate to invite to my house, after the third date.

    • Tiny colored miracle

      June 11, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Invite now…ds tym it may be winch!!!!!!!!!u go invite

    • Bleed Blue

      June 11, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      Bwahahahahahaha!!!!

      Why winch? Why na ehn? Encourage a brother who’s being sensitive enough to at least give it 2 dates before popping the big question.

  21. Anon

    June 11, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    I agree that not all guys have an ulterior motive when they ask you to visit them at home! I believe some of them just want a place where they can be very comfortable and perhaps give you a home-made treat.
    I knew a guy like that once, though we had a proper first date (lunch and cinema) and he visited me in my family house like twice before that, so I guess I had begun to feel comfortable around him. All the times I visited him at home, he was such a gentleman. One time, he cooked the soup we ate from scratch while I was there.
    The second person I know was not going to pester me for sex, but he wanted some petting, other than that, he was well-behaved. In his case, it was either his place or my place, just somewhere we could be alone together.

    Caveat: These are guys I had know for a while o, not the first date in my house type.

  22. maame k

    June 11, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    hmmmm…..it reminds me of my own experience,,not all men who come to church regularly are “real christian brothers”,i got introduced to this christian brother in my church after service,and the guy start looking at me in way i didnt like,oooooo
    his first comment…wow you look inviting,where do you live?,now in mind i knew this guy no dey correct,lol..please can i have your number?i gave it out(silly me)christian brother didnt call but started whatsapping asking me to come to his house that same evening because something in him keeps telling him am his wife so we need to have a real talk,then i asked him how well do you know me and you want me to be your wife?christian brother insists am his and he”s mine lol,i politely told him to let us meet at restaurant somewhere in town so we can talk,christian brother suddenly got angry and raining insults on me telling me that am an ordinary girl,,,you think you are pretty?i want to help you thats why i said you should come to my house so we talk,,,,initially i was keeping my cool and didnt want to be rude but i didnt spare him oooooo,christian brother got angry and stop texting and calling me..#lessons learnt,not all christian brothers are real#

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 6:21 pm

      See this brother oh, wetin person nor go see…the Church is a place for sick souls-myself inclusive-all at different stages of being healed by God(if they allow Him to heal them), some don’t want to allow Jesus do the healing, they come sick and stay sick, doing all sorts.
      So maame k, we must test the spirits like the Bible says. Not all christian brothers are for God oh, it’s by actions, not name. I don learn this lesson too.

    • Blackbeauty

      June 13, 2015 at 11:30 pm

      ‘Wow, you look inviting. Where do you live?’ Really? Really?? At that point dear sister, you should have raised an eyebrow and jejely cat walked away. What nonsense.

  23. Tosin

    June 11, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    big hiss. because i’ve been a victim 🙂 i don’t know how he hasn’t figured out that it doesn’t work. ha, didn’t his sister(s) teach him better?

  24. DiDi

    June 11, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    If I could froth in the mouth right now ..I would ..I once visited a friend only to find soup ingredients waiting …he was waiting for me to come and cook as his girl friend didn’t show up.Suffice to say we stopped being friends that day …they meet you ,ask for your number flash to make sure it’s real ,harrass you for pictures,then the almighty come to my house I think its time men get the memo. We aren’t all easy some of us prefer to close our legs for years if Mr Cometomyhouse and Mr Sendmepicsnow strolls by,we want to be wooed not hit on the head and dragged to your cave.

    • At Last

      June 11, 2015 at 4:09 pm

      You nailed it!!!!

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      @Didi, And if you refuse to cook, they say you are not a wife material..mtcheww!
      The nerve…oh we really need better older men to mentor these young men, like please! like now!

  25. Kokolet

    June 11, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    Me ke,shuooooo!i already have a ready made answer for the ‘Come to my house’ am always like ‘abeg what is happening there o,do you have a cinema in your house?
    I almost shot one guy cos of that ,we just met and had know each other for barely 2 weeks as just friends when the idiot asked the question,to even make matters worse he stays in PH,even offered to pay my ticket tru and fro abeg does that make sense.

  26. www.thelmathinks.com

    June 11, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    Lovely! But will girls listen? No. They will still carry their two left legs to a guy’s house to ‘chill and watch movies’ and when his hands start roving they begin to lament. (Not pointing fingers, I’ve also done my fair share of stupid things in days of youthful exuberance). Please if you’re not prepared to shag a guy then you have no business going to his house! Avoid stories that touch.

    That said, I’m very opportuned to have met some gentlemen whose “chill and watch movies” actually means “chill and watch movies”, and guys who understand that No means No. So they’re not all bad. But first you must be a good judge of character. Don’t gamble with your body by going to just any guy’s house and hope he will respect himself enough to respect you.

    But some women don’t have much sense of self worth and/or value, and that’s why some men act the way they do… You can’t blame them, some guys want to try their luck and see if you’ll fall. Not every guy is straight up going to respect you or make an effort, some guys will first try to find out if you’re worth the effort, or if you can take their BS and just how much of their BS you will take. I mean, why take her on a date if she’ll agree to come to my house?

    Also there’s the issue of the guy knowing exactly what he wants, and that’s just to smash you, so isn’t it economical to just bring you home and get right to it? Why wine and dine her when He doesn’t need to? Because really, who wants to spend money when they dont have to? And who wants to spend money on someone that isnt worth it?

    Because trust me, any man that really likes and wants to be serious with you will make the effort, if hes not sure what to do, he’ll ask you.

  27. Jerry King

    June 11, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Most guys are not comfortable with numerous outdoor dates. the risk that it may get boring and the relationship will just fade out. So d girl has to go to his house, have sex with him and he feels even. The outdoor dates may begin again if the guy truly likes her. but if not, the guy spent some money on the girl, which is considered a win for the lady and they had sex. d guy is happy! Anything other than that is cheating.

    • Diligence

      June 11, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      This is Nigerian mentality. Pure

    • Bleed Blue

      June 11, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      And a very sad one at that!

      Is it a business transaction? Outdoor dates paid for with the currency of sex?

      Jerry Springer please do yourself a favor and expand your mental horizon, speak to intelligent people and exchange ideas, read books like:
      What Women Wish You Knew About Dating: A Single Guy’s Guide by Stephen Simpson.

      Na wa!

    • Tosin

      June 11, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      yup. one gala (the snack, not the event) and he’s ready for his return on investment. 🙂

    • lol

      June 11, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      oga shut up to think you just posted this is sad abeg. its men like you we are talking about sha. so if the guy spent money nkor so having sex with her is a fair game bah nonsense.

    • babym

      June 11, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      Buhahahahahaha whattttt???!!!! what manner of nonsense is this? My brother, everything you wrote just sounds sooo wrooong! ahn ahhn u sef read it again. It looks like u r a new commenter, abeg take some to familiarise yourself with BN comment ethos! We nor dey approve this kind mentality for here o buhahahaha. Oya we shall forgive you since u r new. Go and sin no more.

    • That Igbo Girl

      June 11, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      What kind of excuse is that? What kind of man is that? He is just a cheapskate.

      Tufiakwa. I reject that for my womenfolks.

    • natu

      June 11, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      Boy bye. You high or nah?

    • Doxa

      June 11, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      Seeing d guy’s passport nau, u go think say na beta person, u no go know say….

    • Easy n Gentle

      June 11, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Apparently Mr Jerry King, you’re new to BN. The ladies here, they don’t want to hear the kind of truths you just spilled. it’s the reign of the feminist, and they are taking over, trying to impose idealist behaviors in the new generation, just sit back, read and learn ?

      My BN ladies, even the good men save for maybe the most Christian brothers has that mentality. it has nothing to do with you really, but in the Men’s world (naija at least), you be real mumu if you invest on a lady without returns (loosely defined as sex, relationship or bestie/padi that can perhaps get you other baes in future). Just before the attack comes, it’s not limited to the bad eggs. ask that one good guy you know and hear what he says (if he has the mind to tell you the truth)

    • BGT

      June 11, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      Easy and Gentle? More like stupid and daft.
      You think therefore you are. Do not make it seem like the situation cannot be helped. I will raise my sons to be better. Better than you and your cave man ways of thinking. I feel sorry for the women in your life.

    • Easy n Gentle

      June 12, 2015 at 5:19 am

      Typical women behaviour!!! you don’t agree with an opinion or it doesn’t go your way, you resort to insults. Killing the messenger and ignoring the message, typical BN. If you continue to bully men on this blog, how do expect to read more of what happens in their side of the world, and if you don’t get information, how do you expect to be able to fix it. at the end of the day, you lose out because it doesn’t affect the average guy you meet in the real world who is still what he is, just like we tell you he’d be. and Men will never take you seriously if the attitude does not change, especially when it comes to conflict resolution. If your wahala is too much, he’d pack up and run. and you people wonder why marriages are failing. Stupid and daft? ? I forgive you

    • Ada

      June 12, 2015 at 8:36 am

      Bia Bellanaija, una suppose add hate button too! Make we hate anything we no like! Like this young man’s rubbish idea here!

    • Adain

      June 12, 2015 at 5:07 pm

      Guy, even with your suit-tie-enlightened picture, you’re spewing this BS?

  28. ednutey

    June 11, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Meeting on 3MB isnt so uch of a bad idea….thank u

    I think ive been lucky…if im not having the orgies for u n u say “come to my house” n i come…dont even bother,cos it wont happen,but the ones I think sometin might happen,i just jejely steer clear of the path to “his house”…but again,im sure ive bin lucky

  29. Swoosh

    June 11, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    It goes both ways. Some girls will suspect they are just a side chick if a man never invites them home. The compromise is when a man invites you to his house, go with your brother in tow. If his attitude changes, then he had no good intentions.

  30. mrs chidukane

    June 11, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    This article is spot on, especially the second paragraph. I could write an epistle on come to my house. When I was still young and naive, I was a victim. Since then, I make sure to avoid any come to my house shit. I must say that I’ve met guys that are quite harmless when they invite you over but they are a minority. I didn’t even go to my husband’s house for the five years I knew him till the year we got married. Most guys now are all about sex. I remember years back I got talking with a man in a luxury bus from Lagos to owerri. Will you believe that when we got to Owerri, the man told me he was going to his village for a burial and wants me to follow him? Ha! Someone he just met? I told him my mom was expecting me. Will you believe that months later I went for a family wedding and saw the man. Turns out he’s my mom’s cousin? I couldn’t even shout.

    • Doxa

      June 11, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      I am almost sure he did as if he didn’t know you.

    • Easy n Gentle

      June 11, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Standard!!! back then, my flat mate and oshomo of the clique, was coming to school and brought this girl along. I was batting my eyelids thinking to myself, “where you see this one again”, after she left I asked padi “where you see the babe?” and he replies “we just met on the bus”, the bus ride was like 1hour max oooo. I was thinking “weyrey ni boboi sha!!! you no even know if she just get hiv result say she positive, or perhaps dem send am come to come steal your destiny”. That’s from a guy’s perspective. Imagine the girl that followed, and she was well packaged too, a student of a private uni if I remember well

  31. Adenike

    June 11, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Please please please! I’m soo tired of this sob story. How long will men be blamed? Women talk to other women. Tell them to grow, borrow or attach standards. This thing started and still continues mostly because of women with low/stupid standards. Till tomorrow there is that girl who wants to be a side chic, for the money or for the fun of it. Yet you want a guy to woo you? You can’t get what you can’t give. Why keep making the same mistakes that people have already made? Why open your eyes and fall into that “trap”? For every guy out there, there’s a girl he wants to woo, but just like current takes the path of least resistance; there’s another girl with terrible standards who will not let him do the chase. Eg. I expect bobo to take me out on a date, and probably the 90 day no sex rule etc…but there’s this girl out there who doesn’t mind “coming to his house” to wash, clean, cook and have sex with him without hesitation just because or because of a few naira notes. There’s always that girl willing to take less or none. So the guy asks himself (esp if all her services was what he wanted from you/in a girlfriend), why am I disturbing myself over this other one?
    Then those with stupid standards- one story that comes to mind is the story toke shared, of a girl asking a guy to buy her a car after two weeks of knowing each other- as your father, abi what? Then the guy will say other girls are materialistic. So now guys want to sample anyone who so decides to be the meal of the day.
    However, there are still some guys that are willing to woo you. Hopefully they find you, and you recognise them. My heart goes out to those that have been raped. No one deserves to be taken advantage of, and there is no excuse for that. Why rape someone when there are others that will give you without your asking?

    • FasholasLover

      June 11, 2015 at 7:34 pm

      Thanks Adenike. You are priced the way you display. When you carry your two legs to go and “watch” film in a guys house – a guy you just met o what do you expect?. I beg l cant deal. Unfortunately, while we hv girls who know their worth, we also hv girls who will cook, clean and hv sex on a first invite like you said. So, when bobo stupid meets smart girls, he cannot understand why you will not “come to my house” So, why buy the whole cow if you can get the milk for free?

      I am a happy go lucky girl, the life and soul of the party but when it comes to this come to my house matter eeeh, you are on a long thing o. I don’t cook, l don’t clean. If you will not court me properly, your loss because, l consider myself quiet a catch. Most times, we make the mistake of thinking when a girl is cocooned life will be kind. Unfortunately, that is a big lie. Teach your daughters, sisters so they do not learn from their friends who do not know any better. Thank God for a strong Mother and three older sistas.

  32. Magz

    June 11, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Frances Okoro thanks a lot for this!

    I am still waiting for some men to come deny this o or even bash the author.

    The two recent “come to my house” experiences i had:

    1. “we will go see a movie Friday night, then you can come to my place on Sunday morning. I like home cooked meal, you know?’ i told him as gently as possible that no it wouldn’t work.

    2. This one is the most infuriating person. I’ve ever met in my life (and believe me, I’ve met some infuriating people). We started talking (a friend did the “matchmake”) and then he asked that i come down to Ibadan to meet him. Calmly, i asked him “so if i come to Ibadan, where will i stay?”, his very daft answer “my house is spacious enough and i live alone”. I (still calmly o) refused and then he started. He took it P completely, said i wasn’t open-minded and all, that i insulted him etc.
    i was shocked!

    Most Nigerian men need to learn how to woo…..I’ve learnt to stop telling guys i love cooking cos what follows is “come and cook for me”.

    Another annoying statement is “send me your pictures”…………oga! my picture is on my dp/profile picture, check that one out!

    • yeancah

      June 11, 2015 at 5:23 pm

      Your own is good, I’ve seen a guy willing to travel continents… Babe let me come to india to see you and I go where would you stay.. Lodge in a hotel.. He’s like no now, I can stay in your room.. So I said Ok.. I would stay at my friend’s place since you want to stay in my room.. Nah so bros vex o.. You that you want to travel from Paris to India, can’t you at least get hotel lodging for yourself… I don’t care if kanji would kill you..infact the earlier it kills you the better for ,e

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 6:32 pm

      I was actually thinking of the backlash when I was working on this article Magz…was steeling myself up, but the truth is the truth and if they will change, all the better…

      I don’t get it with their vex vex when we refuse..like oga, just accept correction and change! Is it that hard???

    • Doxa

      June 11, 2015 at 8:25 pm

      Nawa, e bi like say I carry last for this send me ur picture thing. A church brother I recently starting chatting with asked that I send him my pix. He actually asked if I had any sexy pictures and I said I didn’t. I noticed he had used the word sexy so many times already and brought it to his attention, he said that it meant nothing as he uses the word loosely. I actually sent him 2 (chei, a whole 2) of my pictures after telling him he would be disappointed when he sees them. I am sure he was disappointed, coz the only thing he said was ‘it’s nice’.
      This is a guy who on the first night of our chatting asked me how many relationships I have been in.
      Hmmm…to think that I didn’t read much much meaning to all these things.

    • Kili

      June 11, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      Lol…. He said you aren’t open-minded???? Later they lol say the want to marry “varjeen”

  33. Olu

    June 11, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    Guys, stay off this thread …it’s one of ‘those’ ..yea..

    And the author sure knows how to roll them out…….

    enjoy yaself ladies…

    • Strit Kredibility

      June 11, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      @Olu, i am just here like you upholding the Bola Ige doctrine of siddon look. We know what this article set out to achieve. We know our women like we know our politicians. Na only talk dem sabi. Nkan to ba wun anybody lo le fi enu won so

    • Gina

      June 11, 2015 at 11:37 pm

      Awwww @strit kredibility and you used to make sense before oh. What changed you?
      Pray tell. What was this article set out to achieve? Please do us all a favor and use a proper thought pattern and make sensible suggestions. That’s the standard we are used to from your comments. Unless of course you genuinely have nothing productive to say.

  34. Chief

    June 11, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    They don come again,another Bellanaija article bashing and disrespecting nigeria men….

    • Dee

      June 11, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      See this one with his big stomach. Mtcheeeeeew!

      Instead of this your silly perfunctory comment, why not refute what the author has said and do so objectively? Let’s have an intelligent debate. I dare you!

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      @Chief, no bashing here, just a plea for change…

  35. divea

    June 11, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    I tire for that line. I don’t take any guy who invites me to his house or ask to come over to my house serious. In fact, even if he has good intentions towards me. In the past, i gave in and had to fight my way out. He promised that nothing will happen and behold, he started whining how he loves and can’t stay without me. Hmm….what men will have to say to get laid?

  36. Nedu

    June 11, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Why do guys need to stay off? make we borrow brain small nah. Not every woman is the ‘come to my house’ on a first date type. You won’t ask that of a woman you will marry.

    IF nothing, make we borrow brain small. This is also painful when it ends in rape. That’s really sad and my heart goes out to those who have been victims.

    Rule of the thump; Don’t go if you do not or aren’t sure of the Dude.

  37. girls stay on your lane

    June 11, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Listen all.
    1. I let my female friends who misconstruct this know that “I am not after you for sex, if I want sex, I know where to go get it from, even if I don’t have a gf, why will I waste my time trying to get a girl to sleep with me when I know places where girls will be struggling with each other to have a man.

    2. Having said that, its just part of our culture that the house/home is a safe & secured place that real relationships should start from. While many parents don’t allow guys to come check their daughters at home, the wise parents entertain their friends and allow them in cos it is only the serious guys that will like to come home and know the parents and all. A guy that doesn’t want to come to your house or want to invite you home is def not being serious with you.

    3. If a guy wants you to come to his house, you should even be happy as he’s got nothing to hide from you. A guy who has another gf/wife will never want you to know his house so that his hidden secrets wouldn’t be revealed to you.

    4. Another reason upcoming guys do this is because it is cheaper for them. They can buy juice, food from eatery all within 1-2 k. Take a girl out on a date, if she doesnt invite all her friends to come with her and get takeaway for them, she must make sure she eats everything she cant use her money to buy or the one her father cannot buy for her.

    under 2hrs, she must do shoprite, yahooza, tuttifrutti, kfc. Go to a club, she must ask for a 25k wine. 25k to be spent in a day as if all she’s interested in is to spend your money and not a life with you

    Ladies also need to be decent and stop being a longer throat as if they are hungry, starving, never eaten b4 or a villager that has never seen good things befbefore

    • Doxa

      June 11, 2015 at 8:31 pm

      In the long run, I think itnis better for you to take the girl out and allow her display her long throat, that way, you know the kind of person she is and stay off. Just the same way a girl will judge a ‘come to my house’ kind of guy as wanting just sex and she will stay away.
      My own advice, if you really like her, dont invite her to your house else you may lose her.

    • supreemsauce

      June 12, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      With which money ? You think money is easy to come by? Take a girl out and allow her to display her long throat by ordering anything and everything she hasn’t had in years? Then you expect us to be gentlemen and pay right ? If we flake on the bill, it becomes a problem shey? I’m getting you..
      Wait sef, Where is the money ? or do you think the economic situation in this country is a myth ?…Your comment is just like this article, it’s one-sided…and a one-sided opinion never addresses anything…The fault is for both parties…Plus maybe y’all haven’t noticed, the percentage of you girls rooting for this article are in the MINORITY, so it will be more effective if this write up was directed at girls rather than NIGERIAN Men…We guys indulge in what see or hear from other guys success stories in these cases…So if this issue is becoming more rampant, that means you girls need to check yourselves and tell yourselves the truth…More girls are giving their selves in to these requests and seriously it’s not our fault…Make una Leave us Alone ?

  38. natu

    June 11, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    It is easy to blame Nigerian men but let be honest it takes two to tango ladies. Don’t be desperate!!! Let him woo and court you. We deserve it ladies. Don’t make it easy for them.

  39. Single girls club

    June 11, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    All these single girls, including the writer, will write all kinda nonsense to brush up their ego on why they are still single.

    When a man comes now, they forget all the thrash and become a fan of another club

    As if your fathers, brothers, uncles and all are not males.

    singletons, kontinu

    • Mayyyy

      June 11, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      That was unnecessary.

    • Anu

      June 12, 2015 at 1:42 am

      …and senseless

  40. Frances Okoro

    June 11, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    Bee, for me, it’s when I am comfortable enough to visit him, which he should let take the normal course of things – growth, not forcing it to bud and then ruining everything…

  41. Chief

    June 11, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    @natu,you are on your own ooo!!.Don’t take the advise and comments on BN.They are two faced people…. @Single girls club,no mind them,all of them commenting here are waiting to be invited to a man’s house.look at them,bunch of angry BN single girls….

  42. semesee

    June 11, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    For every guy that has used this ‘ come to my house’ approach, there is a lady that has accepted this invitation without hesitation. If every single Nja dude got a resounding NO! We won’t be having this discussion. When a guy asks for your number ,his initial thoughts are……what is the cheapest, fastest easiest , stress free way ì can get in between her legs. So there you go come to my house !simples.

  43. Benbella

    June 11, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    Listen, if a guy invites you over, and you are now down with that parole, then turn down the offer, and move on to the next mugu who toasts you. Where there would be an issue, is if you carried your 2 whore legs to the guys house, against your better judgment, and he starts to press your boobs and ass. Guys have been inviting chicks over to their cribs since before Nigeria was formed in 1914. It will never stop, and all your comments here will not change the fact that it is a successful and proficient tactic for guys. And some girls actually dig it too (no pun intended). Let me illustrate further:

    1. Guys as a matter of the way we function, try to look for the most fun we can get at the least expense in time or resources. When you invite a chick to your lair, its cost effective – you save on gas, effort, cinema money, etc. Most guys do their crib up so it is fit for entertaining anyway. So you can get the five star treatment there, much more than the hassle of waiting to be seated at some oversubscribed restaurant. Oh you want ofada rice or Indomie? Let me househelp Akpan prepare it for you. You want pizza instead? Beautiful, but I have the next best thing in Agege bread and fried egg.
    Besides if the girl agrees to come over, you save on the stress of trying to coerce her to come up for “coffee”. Or zobo.

    2. It is a successful tactic. If you know the amount of girls that get lashed this way, you would not fault any guy for trying it. In fact it is the reverse opposite this days if you try to “woo” (i hate that word – abi you be sheep?) a girl. That is just a waste of time. This is BN where everyone claims that they are immaculate virgins who never do any wrong; but who are the girls boys are lashing everyday from inviting over on the first date? Nigga please.
    My friend and I were cruising down Adeniran Ogunsanya, and he spotted a chick trying to enter a cab. He got down and spoke to her, and got her MTN digits. He whatsapped her for 2 straight days, and then invited her over. Next thing you know, he was introducing her to the D. He washed, rinsed and repeated this process over the next year with about 15 different chicks, and all in this Lagos. His flat is not even all that, but there is something about AC, 50-in-1 DVDs and the promise of Indomie and cold fanta that makes some girls part their legs like the Red Sea. Abeg make una stop all this una nonsense.

    3. Many girls do not even understand the concept of a date. Have you ever tried something that did not involve you eating or going to the cinema? Guys are fed up of these same old bullshit dates from girls who refuse to get creative. Some girls want you to wine and dine them for eternity while they feed fat at your expense. Too many guys have been burned that way. As long as there are girls who take advantage of generous guys with genuine intentions, there will be guys who want to lash for next to nothing.

    You have been warned

    • Gina

      June 11, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      As much as I dont like what you’ve said here, I cannot deny that you make quite a lot of sense. Your arguments are objective even if rude in several parts.
      Okay ladies lets check ourselves. Is there any one amongst you here towing the path of the Adeniran Ogusanya cab taker? Please stop it oh! You’re giving the rest of us a bad name!

    • Grace

      June 12, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      You see the truth is you might not even know if you’re towing that line.’ When a girl says he used me and dumped me, the guy’s side of the story is ‘I chatted her for weeks, made her feel I was different, didn’t even spend much ( and they wonder why babes ask for Cars after 2 weeks) and I had her. If he ain’t real, he disappears after a while and calls you a mumu.

      What I’m trying to say Gina if all he wants is sex and you are catching feeling your ‘he used and dumped me’ is his ‘ I didn’t even do much’.

      That’s why babes be liking older men these days.

      A friend of mine is dating a widower and the relationship started with sex on the 2nd date sef. Dinner date, perfume shopping, etc and a straight up, ‘Don’t know if I’ll get married to you but if you sleep over in my house we’re having sex.’ Guess it was his honesty or whatever but the babe spent the night and she’s been pampered ever since.

      ( Okay, tbh, the friend is me)

  44. Christabel

    June 11, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    I mean, this come to my house thing keeps happening to me but I always laff it off. But the last time it happened I vex no be small. So I meet a fellow Lawyer in court one day and we exchange contacts. After conversing on the phone for a while, we agreed to meet. During the date, he was very attentive, even noticing my nude nail polish *lol*,I actually started to like him.
    But my hopes were dashed when the dude insisted I visit know his house after the date! Omo it was 9pm already! I said no and he got angry, I no fit shout so I came down from his car and hailed a cab to take me to my house. Believe it or not, he has not called me since then! Guys no dey try!

  45. Doxa

    June 11, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    For those saying ‘Single ladies club’ and ladies coming here to brush their egos, I believe only very few of the BN regulars claim to be saints. Many of us come here to rub minds and learn from other people’s experiences. Many BNers have made mistakes that they wish they hadn’t and share their stories so that others do not make the same mistakes, that’s why you see us so passionate about some particular topics, especially the ones that have to do with family and relationships.
    We BN ladies are our sisters’ keepers and we like it like that. If you do not like it, plix feel free to limit your comments to LIB only.
    Thanks and byes.
    #Sayingnotocyberbullies

  46. Tobi

    June 11, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    ” 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.”

    what arrant nonsense! But then again, 63% of statistics are made up on the spot.

  47. Sparks and Tingles

    June 11, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    I am ashamed for the be-penised gender *Covers face*

    The guys that show this degree of crudeness and desperation are bringing shame to their families, not me.

  48. The Novice

    June 11, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    I learnt my lesson very early! I was 16 and had just left boarding school at the time when I met this innocent looking guy. I couldn’t allow him visit me cos my house was out of bounds to boys…that was why I agreed to visit him. I hadn’t even entered the ante-room when this guy started pestering me to kiss him! I was so shocked!!! Eventually, the guy almost raped me, he dragged me to his bedroom….I begged, I cried, I prayed…it wasn’t funny! When I tried to shout, he threatened me. The idiot later masturbated and left me, It was just God! I was a big fool. Throughout my University days, I never visited any guy out of fear. I will never forget the experience.

    • Frances Okoro

      June 11, 2015 at 11:34 pm

      I’m so sorry about your experience @The novice, I know how much that stuff scars us for a looong time. Most of my mistakes on this stuff we’re made when I was around 16 too. My naivete then knew no bounds. thats for those who fault some ladies who have been victims of rape or something from the house of guys, don’t be quick to judge. nor be every lady get sense, some actually believe it when the guy says that “nothing will happen” – I know cuz I believed it at my young age too. Till slaps and threat of belt “if I don’t open my legs” forced me to know that some men are brutal. I carried the scar of the almost rape for more than 6years till God helped me to deal with it… so when someone writes about this issue, it’s cuz it’s a serious one. I for one started knowing that some guys aren’t what they seem from the “come to my house” experience..

      This article isn’t a show of “holier than thou attitude”, it’s a desire and a plea for change from our men – at least for those who’d listen…

  49. Sam

    June 11, 2015 at 11:05 pm

    Please I will like to know first, what do you have to contribute to the relationship. Second, am from part of Nigeria where I was thought to show women respect by first showing the girl I love where I stay by welcoming her in first then we can have a date at any restaurant I can afford. The issue is, some girls use the opportunity of I don’t know anything about you, where you stay, your people etc to extort the innocent men with a good intentions, another thing is, since the Nigeria men of today are getting worse in terms of courting, let the women be reasonable enough to ask them self what must have went wrong. For me I think the women are the course of the changes because the emotionally sincere and lovable heart men keep falling in to the hand of women who will scam them in the name of love and leave them heart broken. So just maybe there’s (are) some adjustments the women will need to do for things to fall back in place.

    • Naomi

      June 12, 2015 at 5:40 am

      Please which part of Nigeria is that?

  50. Sam

    June 11, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    Am yet to see that woman with undiluted love, that’s maybe because the few and very scarce to find or probably there’s none. God help us find our souls mate and make us compertable as there’s no perfect man nor woman these days.

    • sussy

      June 12, 2015 at 7:48 am

      You are yet to see doesn’t stop you from being a good human being, let everyone take responsibility for their actions, the author is not saying all men are bad or horrible, she is saying stop inviting girls to your house for the first date, it doesn’t show you in a good light if the girl is responsible. Start to be that change.
      If you don’t have all the money to spend, take her to the park, or for drinks and talk, or better yet go to her house side, the sky will not drop, highest she will feign disinterest, and life goes on.
      A friend of mine was almost a victim of rape, what happened? the guy was dropping her off from work, then decided to drop by his house to take a few things. He suggested she waited in the parlor, lo and behold, the son of man started undressing in front of her, she was confused at first, then ran to the door, it was locked, if not for threats and begging that she would report him to everyone they both knew, only God knows what would have happened. Her first time of “visiting” his house. This was someone she knew by the way.
      Sorry my comment is everywhere.

  51. OT

    June 12, 2015 at 2:07 am

    I don’t knw whether u re male or female buh I just ve 2 say dis, “Receive sense in Jesus name” Amen! *rme*

  52. emeraldish

    June 12, 2015 at 10:23 am

    is this a joke? Nigerian men are becoming worse by the day , Gosh!

  53. tunde

    June 12, 2015 at 10:31 am

    the thing is this gurl is right but when you dont want to go to a guys house and you cant contribute one kobo when you go on a date. all you want is chop the guys money… after you are done with the date you will now say you are going home…,lol …. now tell me who be mumu.. by the way whats wrong in going to a guys house on the first date… nigerian gurls really need to step up their games. once we see that yall can afford to pay your bills when we take you out we will stop inviting you to our house……

    • Naomi

      June 13, 2015 at 1:00 am

      Uncle, when you have a daughter give her this advise u just said.

  54. emeraldish

    June 12, 2015 at 10:43 am

    come to my house has become a norm with naija mehn, once they even try that “lets chill ” thing , its equivalent to “let me give u the D” and i run for dey life.

  55. Tk

    June 12, 2015 at 11:34 am

    I’ve done this several times without bad intentions…anyway i must stop it today to avoid been misunderstood…..
    Thanks for the write-up

  56. Nkechi

    June 12, 2015 at 11:44 am

    Bless your heart Francis Okoro, for bringing this up. It’s crazy insane. Having moved back to Nigeria for a while now, I found it shocking, creepy and insulting for a guy I barely know to ask me to come to his house .
    And my response is always direct ” I tell them it’s insulting to me, of course they always jump to the answer of ” I mean no harm”. However the message is passed and I notice the tricks never repeats itself again

  57. divea

    June 12, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    I know some guys have good intentions but men are they not few. With harrowing experiences and stories that touches the heart, i don’t think i will be able to visit any guy let alone allow the guy to utter the words. I only pray when that special one comes i won’t miss him.

  58. mrs

    June 12, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    different strokes for diff folks,i had my xperience wen i was in sec sch wen i saw a frd off to see her boyfrd n 1 of d guy’s frd came in n sat bside me b4 i knew was was happening he had locked d door n wen i refused to allow him touch me he beat the hell out of me n had his way to d fullest meanwhile my frd n his bf heard me screamin bt pretended as if notin n dat was aw i lost my virginity thou i told my mum n sisters wen i got home bt i didnt want any legal action to be taken cuz of public embarrasment bt d guy often make jest of me anytime he sees me pass by.dat was y i neva visit any guy again,d moment u even say d word come to my house i start hatin u immediately bt God has a way of doin tins cuz i paid my hubby a visit several tyms during our courtship days even pass d night wit him n i neva told touched me until i told him i wanted it cuz i started wondering if he’s complete or not n now to God b d glory we blessed wit a gal n xpectin a boy soonest.smile

  59. Magz

    June 12, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    I do not understand people who think this is a “men-bashing” article or where the BN holier-than-thou women can show they’re saints (I don’t want to believe we ever do that though).

    This is someone letting off their frustration!

    Is it not this site that stories of “almost rape” will be featured and some men & women will come and comment “why did she go to his house? she shouldn’t have gone”??? And yet someone summoned up the courage to write about it (based on her experience of “almost rape”) and some people still went ahead to say she wrote the article to bash men! Really?!
    Throughout the article, she didn’t generalize, she kept using “some men”……so i don’t see where she tried to bash all men as there is a whole lot of truth in what she wrote.
    And for the few men who think BN women are trying to show they’re saints: some women have commented that they once fell for “come to my house” and were almost raped!

    The fact that some of us (who respect ourselves) demand that men respect us isn’t too much and it doesn’t mean we’re trying to behave like saints! Now let me speak on behalf of these ladies;

    “Dear men,

    Please don’t think you can invite me to your house and try to have sex with me even when i say no, just because i am single/we just started talking/you spent money on a date we had.
    Get to know me and when you know me very well, you will know the appropriate time to invite me to your place.
    If you are going to get angry because i said no, that is your cup of tea. And if it will make you feel better, calculate what you have spent on data/calls/dates and i will refund it.

    Thanks.

  60. Duchess

    June 12, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    I wonder where The real Nigerian and Bruno are with their empty skulls. Stupid!

  61. tiyi

    June 12, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    lol come to my house wahala..Can have cons and pros o. I remember the first time that happened..my bf (well he wasnt at the time) wanted me to have some books his sister left behind in their apt. I knew he liked me but i wasnt interested like that.. from taking books i don’t know how it led to having my cooch eaten lol. ..love you bibi

  62. Tope

    June 12, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    I have had this come to my house experience on 3 occasions… Though not on the first dates

    Truly in my mind I know there is no way the guy will not ask for at least romance… Well if you insist I will na. But you ain’t getting naaada. And on these occasions, the guys actually expected me to give in to their advances, All because I came.
    I spent the night on 3 occasions Thank God for my life… I don’t know how I got the liver that nothing will happen sha

    But on a more serious note::: We ladies should never ever go to a guys house … Until you are properly dating and that is when the relationship has taken a real course. (If we really have respect for ourselves.

  63. Joyce

    June 12, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    You just wrote what has been on my mind for ages. I don’t get why most nigerian men feel its normal an right to do this. This has happened to me severally and just happened to me this morning. Even the ones you think will respect themselves will at the end have ulterior motives. This come to my house n drone needs to be stopped. If you are too broke to tak a lady out become more creative than just saying come over to my house. Thank you for writing this I’m sure some will try and change their ways

  64. Baby Boo

    June 12, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    That was I decided to pay this friend whom I met during service year a visit on a hot Saturday afternoon. On getting to his family house, apparently his mother and sisters were out for a wedding. Its only by Gods mercy that I got out alive. He dragged my clothes, mind you I wore a polo t shirt and I always button it to the last button. The edges of that top was slacked , i was even forming asthmatic but the dude no gree ohh. I had to run down the stairs and run out of the house. I was in shock. Like play like play, na so dem for rape me ohh. I took the next available bike immediately I came out of the gate.

  65. Curvyene

    June 13, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Lol this just happened to me on Thursday lmao and I was almost raped u best believe, d funny part is the whole getting angry when u refuse part like I don’t get it na wa o. Well no more sha o, dis girl has raised her standards.

  66. Curvyene

    June 13, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Btw thanks @ France’s okoro for this article.

    • Frances Okoro

      June 13, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      Thank you Curvyene..thats one lesson i’m taking away from the comments here too, ladies also need to up their game.
      How you present yourself is also largely, how you will be treated.
      It just would be nice still for both sexes to make changes as needed..

      And thank God you had no stories that touch…

  67. Brighton Lad

    June 16, 2015 at 12:24 am

    The problem with most of the women complaining here is that if Dangote shud tell them to come to his house they won’t even think twice.. Most of you are grumbling because the guys are not as rich as crazy… I have seen ladies beg to go to my guy’s house because his house is big and he drives a benz… Naija ladies wen it comes to things like this I don’t take u pple serious… u go to a guy’s house and u were expecting a night vigil service or u think the guy invited u to come and play ludo with him… Give urself some sense abeg….

  68. D Doc

    June 16, 2015 at 11:47 am

    I don’t know how many women you know who think like that…maybe you need to change your circle of friends. And if you have nothing to offer a lady, please save her the grief of knowing you. As far as I’m concerned, if you take someone out on a date, take her somewhere your pocket can handle. If she wants to buy something for her friends, fine. Let her use her money. If you want to buy something for her friends, fine. But You’re not a child. No one should bully you into doing anything. And you have absolutely no right to accept sexual favours from someone you take out on a date. If you have a problem with your sexual desire, see a behavioural scientist. I’m sure your mothers raised you better. Victims of sexual abuse are everywhere. If you had a lot of sense, you’d be worried about the world your daughters and sisters are exposed to. It’s probably because many of you guys haven’t had a near-rape experience. Maybe then you’d understand.

  69. Angiee

    June 20, 2015 at 12:34 am

    My dear thank you for addressing this topic. It’s always very annoying whenever a guy tells me to come to his house. But most times, I will not blame them cos maybe they have actually come across ladies that have heeded to their call, so in their mind all ladies are the same. I wonder when our guys will have sense. Some will even have the guts to tell you to come visit them in their state of residence & I wonder where I will tell my parents that am going to if am to pay him a visit? One serious annoying one of them. After few weeks of knowing him wanted me to come and spend the whole day in his house on my birthday (can you imagine). And when you refuse they get angry & I wonder why. Pls, our men gats to grow up, real fast.

  70. Janet Blessing

    June 23, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    I had a similar experience… na only God save me.

  71. black nubia

    June 24, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    if its not come to my house, its send my a picture. some even go as far as telling you to come and stay for the weekend. i actually had such experience earlier this year. i had been talking to this guy for about 2 years, without seeing him in person. we always had nice convos and all that. this year he says come to my crib, and foolish me i went. na God save me sha. Sometimes u think that u know someone and u decide to give them a benefit of a doubt. only to be disappointed. smh

  72. Laladee

    June 29, 2015 at 12:01 am

    Some will even forcefully insist to visit you at your own house when they know you live alone after you reject visiting him at his own house #LAGOSMEN need lessons on chivalry.

  73. Tessa Doghor

    June 13, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Thank you for speaking up.
    For those of us who won’t
    When a guy says that, it just disqualifies him.
    What kind of honest convo do you want to have behind closed doors?
    Abeg, that is the road to premarital sex.

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