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Isio Knows Better: Coping with Badly Behaved People & Enablers

Isio De-laVega

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Once, a lady asked me how she could cope. Somehow, she was caught in this corporate-cattiness/ gossip that can exist in work places. Anyway, she was losing a lot of sleep over it, and decided to share. But then, she did something interesting – she personalized the question and asked me how I coped, being in entertainment and being in a position where one could slander another maliciously, and get away with it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmn!

Well, these are my sincere opinions. First of all, one has to be tremendously arrogant, or extremely naive to believe that every person one has ever met in this life, likes (or must like) one. Should you feel that you are an exception to this rule – kindly imagine this next scenario.

Imagine that you are being considered for a position of great importance, and that the powers-that-be decide to find out what people think of you from every human being you have ever come in contact with since you were born. And so they send out these questionnaires to everyone you have ever known/anyone who has ever known you – old friends, new friends, family, rivals, room-mates, teachers, colleagues, employers, employees, religious-leader, neighbors, classmates, and even the cashiers at the stores you frequent.

Imagine everyone of these people could write what they really felt about you as anonymous… Do you still think everyone will give you glowing reviews or write something that will help you get that job?

Hian! E go shock you na.

Again, it is only the highest of arrogance/naivete that will make you believe everyone likes you. Don’t be naive. Jesus sef was fiercely disliked yet still highly loved. Not everybody “should” like you. It is not by force. A.K.A Don’t be dreaming Cinderella dreams on a bicycle. E no dey pay.

When you understand and accept this simple fact, you can now relax and change your belief about yourself… for it is only AFTER you change your belief that your behavior will change.

The second thing one should do is consider the ratio of your sincere likers and sincere dislikers. (biko, no vex for my new English). If out of ten people, nine have something unpleasant to say about you, then nne, you are the problem. And no, it is not okay to say, “Afterall, not everybody liked Jesus…” or, “Don’t mind them, they ALL just jealous, they just don’t get my brand of awesomeness, yadi yadi, yada…”

TAHHHHH! Eeez not okay. Thou art the problem. Everybody can not be wrong. I am not a preacher, so I will not say with bellowing bells and stomping feet, “Change, change – so that people will like you!” or, “Change, change, changeeeeee! For the kingdom of God is at hand!”

Eh-eh. Bia,  I cannot fit to shout. Pesin wey dey do bad tin know say wetin e do no good.

If you like, change, if you like… don’t change. Your life, your choice, your consequence, your legacy. Yours. No vex, but every mallam with im kettle.

Thirdly, it is helpful to understand that what is bad to you, may not be “bad” to someone else. Good and bad… Highly subjective. Everyone has their influences and experiences that has shaped who they are, their model of the world and how they act towards other people. Understand this, and you understand that people’s actions towards you is not ALWAYS about YOU.

Someone might treat you a certain way you find distasteful. They may not know, or they might know and not care (who knows, making you feel bad might make them feel good). By all means, hold them accountable, but also hold yourself accountable. People will only give you the level of sh*t you continue to accept. This brings us to the fourth  point…

Don’t be an enabler. Stop jonzing on a bicycle – trying to form “I am a good person. I treat them well even though they treat me badly. I don’t gossip about them but they gossip about me. I think I can fix/change them with my love.”  Yimnu.  Well done o, Aunty and Broda. E ku ise messiah. Eku change. Go on soun. Nothing do you. 

If you really mean business, you will change that environment instead of exhausting yourself trying to change others who have no interest in changing FOR YOU. And look at it from their point of view- why should they? It’s who they are. It is all that they know. Everybody in this world get their own brand of skoinskoin. The trick is to find people whose brand of skoinskoin is similar and harmonious to yours.

People like to gossip – you say you don’t gossip, so what are you doing there? You live on the mainland, but you insist on following Islanders who think people who live on the mainland are beneath them. But, there are many people who live on the island who don’t care where you live, but noooooooooooo… It’s the ones who belittle you you cling to. Well done. Power to you.

Perhaps you’ve been married for many years with only a daughter, and you’ve been struggling to have another child but your “friends” have many, many sons and they keep making you feel inferior or that your marriage is not as “strong” as theirs. You stay there and smile. They are snide, catty, condescending and mocking, AND YOU ARE STILL THERE?! You have decided it’s your destiny to “kill them with love,” with the hope that they will someday treat you with respect. Okay. Beta well-done to you. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Surely, there are a few more compassionate/tolerant people who don’t care that you have just that “one” child. Find yourself some of those.

Imagine if you stop putting yourself in currents that flow against your natural rhythm. The world would not end.  (By currents I mean the summation of a people’s beliefs and behaviors). Find yourself that river (friends/alliances/groups) that flows in harmony to your rhythm. Associations that reinforce your positive social behaviors. Apply this in everything. Your work, your friendships, your relationships.

I find it amazing that many confuse being an enabler with being “good”/”nice”.  A person who continues to chop sh*t is not a better human being than another who refuses to chop any sh*t. It just means you chop sh*t. Simple as A-B-C.

I think enablers need to understand that many people love to receive love/respect but seem to think that just because you love them, it’s okay for them to continually act badly/disrespect/take advantage of you. After all, you love them so you will overlook it and move on. Not only that, they will disrespect you so thoroughly, but will be the first to play the victim card and cry foul when you stop enabling them.
Na wa o. I don’t know when love became “penance”. After all has been said and done, it is easy to say, “please forgive me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me…” But if you were to ask yourself, “Are you the best thing that ever happened to me?” And you cannot say “YES” without doubt/hesitation. Please keep it moving. Love ko, malu ni.
Abegii.

THIS is my anti-enabler philosophy.

Enjoy your Tuesday my lovelies! And please share your anti-enabler philosophy with us!

Mwaaaah!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

86 Comments

  1. Kay

    June 23, 2015 at 9:07 am

    The gospel according to Isio… ‘if u dey inside water and soap still dey enter ur eyes, oyo is ur surname’! Soo love this

    • Ann

      June 23, 2015 at 10:41 am

      Simple and short summary biko….there is actually no better way to summarize Isio’s post!

    • Unbothered

      June 24, 2015 at 3:31 pm

      I think I was less than 10years when my late father used to tell me, LOVE THOSE THAT ARE KIND TO YOU AND BE WICKED TO THOSE THAT ARE BAD TO YOU. I grew up with that and I am not regretting it ….love you so much dad.

    • bella

      June 25, 2015 at 9:36 am

      funny. hahahahha.

  2. divea

    June 23, 2015 at 9:13 am

    let the comments roll in….

  3. haayeesha

    June 23, 2015 at 9:24 am

    hmmm

  4. Demilade

    June 23, 2015 at 9:38 am

    Wow this article is amazing . I think you wrote this for me. I’m an enabler sometimes. No more bullshit, lol. xx
    coco-bella.blogspot.com

  5. Tee

    June 23, 2015 at 9:40 am

    When I say ‘I will not be an enabler’ to an abusive and disrespectful husband, people say eh….that is marriage for you. Just be nice to him no matter what so that you can have peace. I say mba nu! Period!!! Which kain yeye peace be that?? abegii.

    You become an enabler when he insults and disrespects you and you apologise! He beats you and you apologise to him for making him angry??? na wa o!

    • bruno FIERCE

      June 23, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      @tee

      ” You become an enabler when he insults and
      disrespects you and you apologise! He beats
      you and you apologise to him for making him
      angry???”

      you’re the best for writing this statement.

      I am learning a lot from bellanaija commenters, a few days ago someone said “never let a man tekk u NO twice”

      this comment hit a home run in my mind. my god!!!!

      I will start using these two comments very well in my life.

    • Lois

      June 23, 2015 at 6:57 pm

      You don’t have to apologize for your man behaving badly; your apologies enables him to treat your worse same goes for if you give him fire for fire. Nah you go tire and you will even enable him the more to behave worse. It’s just like when you decide not to yell back at someone who’s been raising their voice at you and insulting you. Your silence speaks a lot more than if you join in the shouting bout. I once told a darling colleague of mine (that husband of hers don’t deserve her) that she needed not to say back hurtful things her husband liked to say to her. It became so bad that it became fisticuffs (she hit him first). He stopped eating and made her miserable. I taught her one thing I learnt from my mum and that is ‘make yourself happy’. That can really be tough on someone who has set-out to ‘deal with you’. She cooked, he refused to eat and madam gladly balanced on the dining and consumed dinner for 3 consecutive days. She played her roles as wife, said hello to him, made meals (and ate them herself), leave to work and behaved he did not exist. I can bet Mr. Heady was the one who tried to make amends. He failed henceforth from the ‘belittling attitude’ And issues settled. Not being an enabler according to Isio can be as simple as walking away from the ‘unworthy ‘clique and rather finding happiness in other things

  6. Neo

    June 23, 2015 at 9:40 am

    It was a difficult lesson to learn but now i have, it has become easier to move myself away from circles that do not make me the best version of myself. For a long time now, i have l;earned to stop caring about who dislikes me and trying to “win” them over.

    What i find interesting is the number of people that will merely look at you and form a perception of you which they then proceed to dislike. I wear makeup and heels all the time, therefore I cannot cook or maintain a home. Meanwhile the ones that look like Mary frigging Poppins cannot tell you whichy direction to rotate the oven knobs. If I dont know you or i havent interacted with you,

    i try my best not to form an opinion but once i get to know you and you make an impression I will not make excuses for you.

  7. RIFF RAFF

    June 23, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Ha ha ha , Bravo Isio! Women are gradually waking up o! No more blindly taking bullshit:
    -In the name of love is long-suffering so i have to put up with an unrepentant cheating/beating/STD-giving bobo
    -Because i want that ring at any cost, the sidepieces must not win. if they like, let them share my man with me, but i gats to have that ring
    -Because my husband is rich and if i want to continue swimming in money, i should just shut up, chop that moni and shame “jealous haters” with pictures of my “fab life” on social media
    -Because my in-laws are pressuring me to get pregnant or have a male child, if not, they’ll get “someone to assist me”.
    -Because i don’t come from a home with a “name” and it is rubbed on my face daily by my “prominent” in-laws who feel i should be grateful they accepted “someone like me” into their circle.
    -Because all fingers will be pointed at me if i decide to walk out and i will be blamed for everything even if deep down everyone knows how much crap i have swallowed.
    I”m just using family/marriage relationships as a case study.
    For a couple of weeks now , i have been noticing a new mindset . More and more women are more than fed up and are not afraid to speak up . Men are gradually falling from their demi-god pedestals.
    Women, don’t be afraid to build your own dreams, create your lanes .Even if u want to do “surulere” for a guy, abeg, don’t abandon your dreams o! Never never! Work on them too.With these men, one never knows…..
    KEEP UP WITH YOUR NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE!!!!

  8. FasholasLover

    June 23, 2015 at 9:59 am

    The work place is a microcosm of life. Therefore, it is a complete waste of time to allow anyone’s frustrations define you. Know yourself and be true. If chopping shit is your thing so long as you continue to be seen with the “in crowd” by all means chop shit belleful. However, if you understand that you only live once, and will only pass through this life once, do only those things that will make you sleep peacefully at night.

    These are my by lines:

    Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out! – Robert Tew.

    Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it’ll take their breath away – Tony Gaskins

    • A Real Nigerian

      June 23, 2015 at 11:30 am

      Maybe they are not negative.
      Maybe they are not frustrated.
      Maybe they are telling you that you suck, because you actually do suck.

    • FasholasLover

      June 23, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      @ A Real Nigerian, Lol. KiiKiiKii Of all the comments on this blog na me you see follow. I must have done you strong thang! Keep following me while l lead.

      Despicable Charlatan!!

    • A Real Nigerian

      June 23, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      I respond to comments indiscriminately. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

    • Iyawokekere

      June 23, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      Then you are directionless and if you believe that then, you must be more stupid than l initially thot. You are so obvious.

      Haaah, for a cyborg that claims to be super intelligent, I say @FasholsLover knows how to #press ur Mumu botton

    • sisiet

      June 23, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      A Real Nigerian, it is obvious that you are still smarting from the fact that @Fasholaslover wiped the floor with you some days ago. Except you are telling us that your armour is not made of steel as you want us to believe. You are coming across as chicken o, ontop your gragra?

    • Do me l do you

      June 23, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      Isio de la something something. Beautiful write up once again. You mess around me, l shiat on you ni o. I no send.

      @A Real Nigerian, you still dey vex? That fight have long finished nau. Becos, this your comment has nothing to do with the Post or comment. Talk true Fasholaslover do you strong thing.

    • A Real Nigerian

      June 23, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      The only thing that is obvious, Sisiet, is that you are making clueless and ignorant assumptions so that people can say “Ah! Look at her, she’s standing up to the tyrant, what a smart, brave person.”
      You are trying too hard to be a hero around here, you and your little superhero Fashola’s Lover are even more cringeworthy and creepier than Jane Public and Below Average who kept stalking me till they gave up.
      If you really think the ignorant, made-up nonsense he/she said a few days ago actually translated to wiping the floor with me, you must be the biggest moron alive.

    • I dey laugh o

      June 23, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      E pain am!

      Give it up real nigerian. You are trying too hard. You believe Everybody on this blog is creeping on you.. what did you do? You are trying too hard to be noticed.

  9. bruno FIERCE

    June 23, 2015 at 10:05 am

    I agree with most of what u wrote like the taking people’s shit. omg that’s me. I can put up will people’s bad behaviour but immediately I say no more, immediately I stop putting up with their crap they start to complain, you’ve started blah blah blah example my foolish sisters.
    someone like me I attract the worst of the worst human beings. I have decided u insult me I insult u back immediately, I will not wait or forgive or say “let god be the judge” or let god avenge me cause to be honest there’s nothing like god. when has god ever avenged my enemies, NEVER. now, if u give me a dirty stare I give u a dirtier stare.

    isio I don’t agree with some of what you said like

    ” If out of ten
    people, nine have something unpleasant to say
    about you, then nne, you are the problem”

    I just agree with this statement at all. not all the time. jealousy is a deadly disease. some like me that my existence alone makes people jealous.

    ” TAHHHHH! Eeez not okay. Thou art the
    problem. Everybody can not be wrong”

    everybody can be wrong and only u can be right.

    • Amiira

      June 23, 2015 at 11:47 pm

      You have a gigantic problem. A toxic personality issues. Isio was not wrong by sayng if 9 or 10 people thought badly of you, then you must be the problem. It is mostly not about jealousy; maybe your character just stinks. It is better you get your head out of your ass and re-evaluate yourself. If you’re so high on a horse to get help, then detoxify yourself. You will be glad you did

    • S

      June 27, 2015 at 11:32 pm

      True esp wen the thugs who instigate and pull the trigger play the victim m girl they know how to push ur buttons. You are the butt of their jikes. That’s y 9 out if 10 will say you r bad. Just choose ue battles wisely walk away from provocation. They find another sport to be the butt of their callousness..

  10. larz

    June 23, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Isio- you make sense die. Thanks!

    Even Abacha self get friends. My rule is stick to your true self, and be happy. Dont go out of your way to hurt others but dont hurt yourself to please them either. Me wey dey look for ppl to enable me go kon dey enable others. I no get that kain energy

    • Gbemi

      June 23, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      You are even going far … Even Bruno fierce here get friends

  11. theurbanegirl

    June 23, 2015 at 10:31 am

    love ko malu ni lmao

  12. mimi

    June 23, 2015 at 10:39 am

    Everything good in life is a struggle…..frienships and relationships should not be…….i used to have that problem……not anymore

  13. Annie Mbz

    June 23, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Isio!!!! gbam! it won’t av been said any better. nice article

  14. Amiable me

    June 23, 2015 at 10:57 am

    God make you bigger Isio
    I have only two friends who make me happy
    I have so many ‘hello’ people in my life that help my business,spiritual and social life thrive
    I like am like that
    I live in peace

  15. cindy

    June 23, 2015 at 11:06 am

    Isio my love, what would Jesus do? ??

    • TA

      June 23, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Lol.I stand with you on this good question. What would Jesus do?

    • mz_daniels

      June 23, 2015 at 1:15 pm

      It depends on the situation darling,

      – He could give a witty response like he always did
      – He could evade their trap for he ‘knew all men’
      – He could say to them ‘thou hypocrites and brood of vipers’
      – He could chase them out of the temple saying ‘my father’s house shall be called a house of prayer’
      – He can say ‘go and sin no more’
      – He can wash your feet in service
      -He can say ‘forgive them lord,they know not what they do’.

      Jesus did not have 1 response, he did what was appropriate but in all, he had a strong sense of self and purpose ‘I must work the works of he who sent me’, ‘Destroy this temple, I will build it in 3days’, ‘I come in the volume of the books it is written of me’. Jesus wasn’t afraid to say who he was even when it displeased people but he still had love and compassion for all.

      Y’all shouldn’t make it seem like Jesus was a wimp!

  16. Gorgeous

    June 23, 2015 at 11:08 am

    This seems like a rant. Honestly I know how to handle gossips and bad mouth people. Personally I don’t gossip or tarnish people. Frankly don’t have the energy. But I will treat your fuck ups if you try it with me. I don’t care what level in the organization you are. After all, we are all there to make a living and I won’t accept shit where I eat.

  17. Imoteda

    June 23, 2015 at 11:09 am

    I quite like Isio. She sounds like her skoin-skoin and my skoin-skoin will flow harmoniously in a soap free river

  18. ariyo

    June 23, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Isio,just reffered to my pain,its safe to move with pple who have got same mind as you.

  19. ACE

    June 23, 2015 at 11:18 am

    On point ! Truth is bitter but I will swallow that pill any day. Thanks Isio.

  20. Qui Tay

    June 23, 2015 at 11:22 am

    To whom brain is given sense is expected!! say no to sh**t chopping! lol! thanks a lot Isio, good stuff.

  21. A Real Nigerian

    June 23, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Keep on censoring my comments. *clap clap clap*

    • Taaaah

      June 23, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      Maybe BN censors your comments because, your comments which are a true reflection of who you truly are in real life is Choleric?

  22. monica lyn

    June 23, 2015 at 11:47 am

    i was a serious enabler,maybe i am still an enabler a little because nowadays i make conscious effort to distance myself from anything that hurts me as i am very sensitive.nice write up.

  23. TA

    June 23, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Thanks Isio, just what i needed to read @ this time. Have been tolerating a lot of bullshit, i used to care so much about people’s opinion about me but not anymore. I don’t give a damn if you like me or not. Life is too short abeg

  24. abby just wanna be free!!!!

    June 23, 2015 at 11:51 am

    I am too good and pple take advantage of it,i chop shit heavily and pple still complain I aint chopping enuf shit for dem….I have seen tinz….bad dumping and I still wanna b friends with dem,i just feel d world will b a beta place if there are no quarrels…but I am getting it hot within me,i feel I am in a cage,i feel I am d problem,i feel I have not done enuf….don’t know wat I should do,if I cut dem off,i apologize,if dey cut me off,i call dem bak…..so I decided I wont call dem up again,right now I feel lke calling one up…but no,i wont!!!! he says my attitude is d problem dat is y he doesn’t care for me financially,whereas he does so much for oda pple….I tink I am too nice to say I have an attitude problem….it hurts but its time to cut off pple dat give me heartache!!!!!

    • Ann

      June 23, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      Bia, better don’t call him back ooo, and always have it at the back of you mind that the way you present yourself to people/in relationships matter a lot, if you show you can take whatever you are served..omo you would eat plenty shit, if you go acting like you are been done a favour by them, a bigger plate of shit for you, if you act like if they leave you will die, chai, them go take you play Koso…so be confident, show you are priceless, recognize your self worth and you will be happier..

    • bruno FIERCE

      June 23, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      @ann

      another wonderful advice.

      @ann. everthing you’ve said I have done to a particular person. I behaved like the person did me a favour when we had sex, I behaved like I would die if this particular person left me. this person was so disrespectful and mean to me but I put up with it even before we had sex and after we had sex (this person had an orgasm and enjoyed themselves while me, I didn’t) , this person kept on talking to me like shit and I kept on apologising even tho I did nothing wrong.
      on a faithful day I check my bbm contacts and this idiot has deleted me from bbm. I was confused. I kept on asking myself what I did wrong. then I went to start texting this person asking the person what I did wrong, apologising but the fool wouldn’t even reply.

      I have realised I let this fool do this to me, I kept on eating the shit I was given by this fool.

      nigeria is not a place for the faint hearted. someone like me I get super angry and confused when somebody does something wrong to me. cause I’m a very very nice person. people would take advantage of u and ur niceness.

      now my eyes have opened. I know that bastard would reply me when they see that the grass isnt green on the other side. I will blast the fool. trust me. #brunofierce.

      I am starting a new campaign called STOP EATING PEOPLE’S SHIT.

    • Ann

      June 23, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      Most times we are our own problem, acting like someone is the best thing that have happened to you would only get one all messed up, omo, if you think you are the best thing, i am also the best and we leave happily ever after, there has to be mutual respect, realize you are priceless, don’t go apologizing when you are not wrong, if they walk away…….life doesn’t have a spare, make the best out of the time you ve got and be happy……i once told someone that when it comes to my happiness, i am selfish and get mad when someone trespasses!

  25. lantern

    June 23, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Thank you isio for this brilliant article. You have described who I used to be perfectly, then I read the book ” the confident woman ” by Joyce Meyers . I learnt a lot and making a lot of changes in my life. I am not there yet but I realised that I enabled people to treat me like thrash because I want to be seen as a nice person while I die inside wishing I could speak up for myself. Be true to you because when you close your eyes you see no one.

  26. Ann

    June 23, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    you borrow money to buy designers/expensive labels just to belong, you borrow to rent an apartment on the island just to belong…abeg i no dey jare, i will manage my no labels, china/hong kongs wears, manage my mainland apartment, eat well and be content, hang out with like minds, so that my days on earth would be long, filled with happiness…etc….no forming to make people like you or accept you, if you do not like the way i am, no vex waka for your lane and leave my lane for me!

  27. Ann

    June 23, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    This one fine this one fine na him craze man take dey gather load:

    Translation : Always have a choice in life and be content!

    • Tosin

      June 23, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      😀
      loved this.
      and loved the article.

    • Ann

      June 23, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      Stole it from Nairaland..lols..here’s more

      NIGERIA PIDGIN PROVERBS

      *Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be wahala.
      English translation: Easier said than done.

      *No matter how hot your temper be,e no fit boil beans. English translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem

      *Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup.
      English translation: You can’t run away from your destiny

      *Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap
      English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever

      *Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef
      English translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don’t rush!

      *Akara and moin moin get the same parent,na wetin dem pass through make dem different
      English translation: How you start doesn’t matter, what matters is how you finish.

      *Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus
      English translation: Give everyone what they deserve.

      *The difference between kpekere and plantain chips na packaging
      English translation: Don’t judge based on appearance alone

      *Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take start
      English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke

      *The water wey dem use take make eba can never be recovered.
      English translation: Don’t cry over spilled milk…..
      nairaland.com/2395560/nigeria-pidgin-proverbs-meanings

  28. @edDREAMZ

    June 23, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Onpoint babe though no doubt…
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Unbothered

      June 24, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      Chinedu, these bloggers should start paying you oo…..you are lie everywhere…nawa ooo

  29. bruno FIERCE

    June 23, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    @tee

    ” You become an enabler when he insults and
    disrespects you and you apologise! He beats
    you and you apologise to him for making him
    angry???”

    you’re the best for writing this statement.

    I am learning a lot from bellanaija commenters, a few days ago someone said “never let a man tekk u NO twice”

    this comment hit a home run in my mind. my god!!!!

    I will start using these two comments very well in my life.

  30. dhee

    June 23, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    And that’s how Isio-de-la-wonderful made a comeback with last week’s topic. #thumbs up. Concerning today’s topic,I like to believe “niceness is not a fruit of the Spirit”.As long as you have peace within,you are good to go.Life is too short to try to please everyone…

  31. Unique

    June 23, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Mehn! Isio i am so liking this your writeup.
    I am being a mumu enablers over the years, i cant describe all the dumping i have experienced in life right from my secondary days to university level especially by a aunt of mine who continually gimme serious dumping pass. ‘ shalanga’ ( public loo). i have to endure or else no pocket money or school fees, meanwhile i will still be the one to apologise o after being insulted. After reading a book on self esteem lately, i discovered i fall very low and i was dissapointed with myself. So i started replying her back anytime she try to insults me, at first she was shocked. i ddnt mind o, cos i made up my mind and eventually she knows that i wont take shit from her again,she became cautious of her words.

    Just yesterday, she asked me to come to the bustop of my house to help her with load that she is bringing from the market. so as a good nephew i quickly left what i was doing and stood like 20mins waiting and scanning the bus she probably will be alighting from.

    all of a sudden i heard her screaming ‘ you stupid idiot! why ddnt come and help me carry this load you know i am coming with, you have no manners at all!’ i was still trying to explain myself that i ddnt see her o.

    she continue ranting, me wey no get time for rubbish, i just jejely take a bike home and left her to sort herself out with the load. we are not. on a speaking terms now and i dont care. Enough being a nice boy.

    • FasholasLover

      June 23, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      @Unique, Congratulations. Freedom at last!!! Now, you have to be resourceful, be ready and willing to do menial jobs for pocket money till something big comes along. That way, you don’t have to be a “Shalanga” no more.

    • Kanyinsola

      June 23, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • 2015

      June 23, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      You just contradicted yourself ,you said you have been a MUMU ENABLER and suddenly your statement read ” me wey no get time for rubbish”A MUMU ENABLER cant suddenly change form from a -1 to + 10 in the way your statement made me imagine.

    • Unbothered

      June 24, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      I love you….

    • Bee

      June 24, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Correct Guy! She deserves it, Lol?

  32. unknown

    June 23, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Yes ooooooooo, i really like your write up. Abeg, tell them..

  33. Busarni

    June 23, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Here we go again, with all BN commenters forming victim each time Isio’s piece comes up. Tueeeehh!!!! una no de tire to lie. All of you have suddenly become enablers? Abeggi; Isio dear thanks;
    Hoping to read from genuine people on Isio’s piece is going to be a sort of ten – sigma event.

  34. Tolulope

    June 23, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Isio, you know i love you right?

    It is funny that most people would say they are enablers but will not want to admit that one time or the other they have served shit for someone to eat………lol!

    One of the worst things someone can do to me is take me for granted. That “take me for granted” is a bracket that covers almost everything that is bad but i believe that once you do something you cannot take, to me, you are taking me for granted!

    It is so easy for me to say “please”, “thank you” & “I’m sorry” so people who know me very well know that “once Tolu offends me and i tell her what she did, she will apologize”; because of this, I’ve been served plenty shit (different sizes & colors).

    A very recent shit-serving (it is still happening); a friend/neighbour. She just decided to stop talking to me. If she sees me and if i don’t greet her, she will not open her mouth to say anything o. And even when i greet her, the response i get ehn is always colder than the pure water Sabo pure water sellers hawk around. I would have asked her what the problem is but she has done this before (twice sef) and i was the one who mended the bridge the two times but this time around, i have told myself that i aint mending any bridge, if it can break, it should break biko! She’s not feeding me, I’m not feeding her so we don’t need each other to survive! I’ll continue to greet her as that removes nothing from me. I believe if she’s a good friend, there’s nothing wrong in her telling me how I offended her.

    I showed my youngest sister “pepper” just twice and since then, she has known that such tactics will not be entertained by sis Tolu anymore!

  35. Ann

    June 23, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    Hi Isio, I have come to love your articles. Very real and down to earth approach to life’s issues. This article as usual is so on point. More grease to your wheels.

  36. Tolulope

    June 23, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Oh! About gossip at work, likers & dislikers; when i started working where i am now, i noticed that there were a group of ladies (the enemies of the executive team) who were always gossiping together at lunch. At a point, i decided to stop going for lunch at the same time with them (in our kitchenette). Because of that, i automatically became their enemy and ‘the executive team’s friend’. The same ladies were gossiping against one another o. It wasn’t as if i wasn’t friendly to them; i was but giving each of them a slightly-bored-why-are-you-telling-me-this look whenever they tried to gossip with me made them know that i wasn’t just interested.
    I’ve always known that “if they gossip you, they will gossip about you”, i don’t need that kind of stress in the workplace biko

  37. whocares

    June 23, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    LOOL. I dont have the patience to be an enabler. I have been called “bitchy” or mean for this but I simply do not care. I have also adopted “the truth shall set you free” as my motto. This doesn’t mean I wont wrap the truth in eba and dip it in a bad ass efo elegusi before serving, but it must be said nonetheless; unless whoever is involved is feeding me (e.g you look really great in that suit boss). At work if a collegue requires me time and I have it to spare I will, if I dont I wont, and if I dont want to, it is simply a “I do not feel like”. That does not mean on some occasions, I wont stay till late to help out if i think a person genuinely needs help, but you have to be discerning about these things.
    When people upset me, they always know because I let them know. This depends on the people of course. If I consider a person dispensable, then I wont bother when they annoy me as they do not matter to me. I just ignore them. The people that matter however will hear me scream, I will probably hit them with my bag (I always have at least 2 books and an ipad in it 🙂 and as quick as I am to react, I calm down easily enough and in say 5 minutes (If I receive what I deem to be a good apology) I forgive and forget. Life is too short to be having high blood pressure over people. If your co workers gossip, find some other people who dont. If you are a busy body like me, listen, give appropriate nods, but you do not have to comment. Knowledge is power after all, and knowing who is screwing who might just come in handy someday :p

  38. 2015

    June 23, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    I am the opposite of nice nice …i give you the exact way you dish it and i let you see reasons why you shouldnt trample on me and if tables were turned would you take that shit from someone else? I do not have time for gossip so i ve no friends , and if you gossip in my presence at work you are in for it ,i am usually the last who hears gist at work . I DO NOT SEND ,Times when i try to downplay me …all i still get is jeolousy and envy …used to that already.,its a way of life for me . And i do not give a damn about you been my boss …so everybody knows me for who i am and wont do shit near me and lest i forget the bosses of bosses still come to me for suggestions ,advice abi na advise whichever because they know i will only stand for the TRUTH ,EQUITY and JUSTICE at all times.

    • Twisted knickers

      June 23, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      Lolz. Drink water abeg. Life is not that serious.

  39. Stella

    June 23, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    Hmmm…. so many enablers here dou! lol! Well i am not an enabler, actually i am not even nice so in the first place, you wouldn’t even see my face down to be serving me shit! i give as good as I get! if you are a liability I keep it moving and that applies to both sexes . No time 🙂

  40. Stella

    June 23, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    oh before I forget to enablers it is just plainly speaking a lack of self confidence and low self esteem that makes you allow others ride rough shod over your feelings. Speak to God about it and read Joyce Meyer books cuz she talks about being a strong confident woman a lot for encouragement and adivce on how to go about it.

  41. Noms

    June 23, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    Oniovo, I tolerate a lot but when your cup full and run over, you go her am.
    Some people have described me as being warm, friendly, nice,…. others have described me as selfish, wicked, stubborn.
    In all, I know who I am and they have their opinions.
    Avoidance of the rubbish server is one of my coping mechanism to some too close to be cut off wahala.

  42. Tatafo

    June 23, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    Ehen, abeg which article precisely did @RealNigerian get served??? Me wanna read it myself. Isio de la gbo gbo,you are so pretty when you smile. Fine geh. Personally, am trying to downplay my no nonsense attitude because I feel am becoming too mean towards people now am having second thoughts. Finally, I resolved to maintain a balance between being nice and not being an enabler. There is time for everything and different situations and people calls for different reactions. I await the reply to my tatafo kweshun *wink,wink*

    • Tatafos Friend

      June 23, 2015 at 10:54 pm

      go to ik ogbonna’s baby mama’s delivery and steph okereke linus’s pregnancy announcement. the woman must be emotionally disturbed. She is just fighting left right and centre like somebody said. no direction. notice me or l die. even today now, she has been on every post since morning fighting.

  43. ben

    June 23, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    u dont hv to win ova a frenemy wit love. dat is a dangerous objective dat may leave u trampled. simply walk in love. b nice but dont fraternize. dont move together

    • S

      June 27, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      I tried that shit and kept being abused by frienemy. Distance my self and she keeps tarnishing my name . Close to decade not her cn or spoken. But still makes it her business to revenge on me.

  44. Third

    June 23, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    I have regard for those that have regard me. If he or she isnt nice or doesnt want to be my friend i wont bother myself. And as for relatives; You insult i insult back. You frustrate i frustrate back.

  45. Chioma

    June 24, 2015 at 10:09 am

    I love this piece,Isio just won me over to her camp with this piece …. ”don’t be dreaming Cinderella dreams on a bicycle”…….. #word

  46. black nubia

    June 24, 2015 at 1:19 pm

    great article. Go where u are celebrated not tolerated.

  47. spicyg

    June 24, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    nice writeup..learning fast and well from it ..

  48. yeah

    June 24, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Nice article!People,please,build your self esteem then u won’t let no one abuse or take u for granted.

  49. bella

    June 25, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Isio, i do not know why i love reading your articles but i do. keep up the good work and i sure hope to meet you soon #no homo

  50. teetee

    June 25, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Osas, you are so razz.
    E ku ishe Messiah………….thats my new slang now.

  51. S

    June 27, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    WHEN COMMON SENSE OVERTAKES RELIGIOUSNESS.
    “I think enablers need to understand that many people love to receive love/respect but seem to think that just because you love them, it’s okay for them to continually act badly/disrespect/take advantage of you. After all, you love them so you will overlook it and move on. Not only that, they will disrespect you so thoroughly, but will be the first to play the victim card and cry foul when you stop enabling them.”
    Madame Anti-enabler you summed it all. Thanks for the article.. When the mumu cleared from my eye started living myself.. Pple are calling looking for me to share my love. They don’t deserve it am not their punching bag. Even God not for it.

  52. Angela

    June 27, 2015 at 11:07 pm

    Aunty Isio,you are right.The point is,almost everybody gossips.This is because every person has an opinion about the people he/she meets every day.Gossip is very interesting only when you are not the subject of conversation.You cannot please everyone so all you can do is be yourself and accept people for who they are.

  53. MotherTheresa

    July 9, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    You are definitely not a Christian.

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