Connect with us

Relationships

Joro ‘Doktor Mofin’ Asks ‘When you’re dating someone, should you date their whole family too?’

BellaNaija.com

Published

 on

Joro OlumofinJoro Olumofin is back with another article and this time while taking on relationships he asks the question of if dating should be a family affair.

Read his post below.

Should relationships be a family affair?

This is one of the most common questions in couples therapy and counseling because Family plays a major role in the success or failure of a relationship…

I must also state that there is no fixed solution or approach towards this question or phenomenon; Should you date your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s family too? This is because it is relative i.e. families differ, personalities differ, and societal frameworks differ so there is no generalized solution but only a situational solution.

This being said, some people today, Guys/Ladies date their girlfriends or boyfriends family even extended Family too. They develop an intimate relationship with their boyfriends family members, attend all family functions, add all family members on bbm, whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, go to their boyfriends house to do chores (wash plates, clothes), go and help their boyfriends mom to tie Gele and cook for her, travel to Ogun/Ondo state for a distant uncles 50th birthday party, call their boyfriends cousin to dish out relationship advice, etc.

The question remains – Are all these acts beneficial to the growth and prosperity of a relationship? Are these acts unnecessary? Are you giving people the right to interfere in your relationship?

In my Opinion, I believe you shouldn’t date your bf/gfs family too.

Of course one can have a cordial relationship with them, but don’t involve them in the day to day activities of your relationship because they are going to bring their own experiences, expectations and requirements into your relationship and sometimes even tell you how to manage your life or affairs.

Extraneous Variables in Psychology always need to be reduced or controlled to get an Objective result. Besides, a relationship should be between 2 people not 3, 4 or 5.

Also, sometimes you need to make your own mistakes so that you learn firsthand from them.

As I said earlier, it’s relative. So do what works for you in your own situation and environment.

#DoktorMofin

57 Comments

  1. TK

    June 26, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    My own is why is a grown ass man wearing batman? He is over 30 sigh

    • Moi

      June 26, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Its a t-shirt get over yourself.

    • DEE

      June 26, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      Tshirt with matching cap….abegi

    • MissSilentReader

      June 26, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      T-shirt and cap too… pullease

    • A Real Nigerian

      June 26, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      You have a poor mentality. So what if he wears a Batman shirt?
      In case you didn’t know, DC comics do contain adult content and some issues are rated “M” for Mature.
      So, if you are coming from the “superhero t-shirts are childish” angle, you must be quite ignorant.

    • EllesarisEllendil

      June 26, 2015 at 2:35 pm

      The recent game was rated M. The amount of Wahala ignorance has caused,

    • EllesarisEllendil

      June 26, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      Batman is a grown Man too.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 26, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      A yummy grown man in spandex… hubba hubba. 🙂

    • concerned

      June 26, 2015 at 9:06 pm

      His elder brother Dokun is much more childish, full of himself and super irritating.

  2. Esther samuel ibitokun

    June 26, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    I agreed with u guy

  3. FasholasLover

    June 26, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Laye! That is the beginning of see finish now. I don’t get how girls go to a boy’s family house to visit when the boy is not there. Go to wash plates and help serve food during parties or worse ask the boys sibling to help “beg” the boy or talk to him when there is a problem. If you cannot solve it between the both of you then, be ready to marry the whole family if you do eventually get there. You cannot be “our wife” while dating and want your man to yourself without interference when you marry. Be polite and genuine right from the get go. But do not grovel.

    Start the way you mean to go is my mantra.

  4. ShineShineShine

    June 26, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    I will say do not be too “available”. When you are too available, that is when somebody will notice you cannot sweep properly, that your stew is too salty, that you cannot greet well. Let there be a hint of mystery about you. When you are around, ensure you are respectful to all. If you choose to go and tie gele every weekend, and follow go Ogbomosho for every family event, be prepared to go to the market too and cook the food you went to buy. After chopping be ready to also wash the plates. No so yawa dey take start.

    I am an introvert of sort. I like my space. I cannot deal with unnecessary small talk so. there never was energy for unnecessary visits and friendship. I take my time, study you and be welcoming. Because, if you eventually marry the boy, you need to have an insider to tell you what is going on. But you cannot be in everybody’s face and space and not expect them to be in yours.

  5. Aanu

    June 26, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    It’s amazing how this guy who almost raped me in December is now being glorified on Bella Naija. I come across his posts and wonder how he of all people should be the one advising ladies on “men” issues. I went to Nig in December and he disturbed me for days till I agreed to pay him a visit. He claimed he was lodging at a hotel around ogba or so because he needed to attend a meeting. I got there and he started trying to touch me. I wondered where that came from, I got irritated, warned him and left and he never tried to contact me again after then. Then I started seeing him advice women on men and what not…. Now I never take any “advice” posts on Bella Naija seriously regardless of who it came from.

    • Abena

      June 26, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      This is juicy!Yup all these glorified “counselor’s” always almost have one kain dirty attitude or are plain nasty!
      Glad you got out in one peace(yup pun intended)…You are probably not his first victim and not the last…
      #socialmediachampions #twofacedpeople

    • FasholasLover

      June 26, 2015 at 2:10 pm

      Sista, no man has a right to touch a woman if she specifically did not give the green light. It is a no no. So, shame on Olomofin and his ilk.

      Eeeerrrrgh, this is also like “come to my house” Now dat we know Olomofin is a scumbag, Pls. What did you go to his hotel room to do? A man that you barely knew? At least, that is what your comment conveys. Na so e dey take start o. When we blame the scumbags, let us also tell ourselves the truth o. What were you looking to do in his hotel room? Play Ludo? Sista, l beg talk to ya self.

    • how did he rape you?

      June 26, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      They have come again
      Somebody playing victim card

      1. How you take hook up with the guy? where were you? where did he see you that he started disturbing you?
      2 You went to visit the guy (you carried your legs there)
      3.You are adults
      4. He tried to touch you (he never touched you)
      5. You got irritated, warned him and left. (Did he try to force you to the bed? force you back to the room when you were leaving?
      6. You knew it was a hotel and you went there. You could’t call him out to the lounge, sitting area….?
      7. “He never contacted you again” You wanted him to contact you afterwards?
      8. What if he wanted sex from you and since you are not in, he sharried you? You still wanted him to keep in touch with you?
      9. If you are not a virgin, he is not the first to sleep with you-you have slept with other guys so shuush
      10. Can you list all the guys who have slept with you or you slept with as well?
      11. If there was rape or attempted rape, why didnt you report to the police and just send BN the police report to prove your point?
      12. some ladies are evil. They never wish their ex well. So bcos you see him advise women that is why you came to spill all this? it doesn’t hold water

      13 I don’t know him before you think i am him

      14 You wont take any advice on BN serious again? Who send you? You are inconsequential

      15. Use your brain next time.

      16. Come after me if you like, i have said my own

    • k

      June 26, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      clearly your him!!!

    • J

      June 26, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      I disagree with you on reason 9. That she isnt a virgin doesnt mean its open season and every guy that as much as sneezes beside her. This statement of yours supports and encourages rape.

    • J

      June 26, 2015 at 3:31 pm

      Reason 10 is beyond stupid! What does her ex-*lovers have to do in your fighting for the poster himself?? If you aren’t him, you are definitely a bad friend of his. The type who hangs around him for castoffs and coins.

    • prec

      June 26, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      You warned him and he stopped, how’d that translate to he almost raped you?

    • koolkay

      June 26, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      If we were to be very technical about this, dude did not rape you (in fact the word rape should not feature in this convo). However, he may have tried to get fresh in a clumsy way…… Maybe somewhere in your mind you have lumped him with guys that try to take undue advantage of women (either when drunk or when in need). If I go talk sha, u dey wicked small. This one na open shaming, and we know say everybody get e own.

    • Thatgidigirl

      June 26, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      I don’t like Dr morfin but you have no right to soil his reputation like this. So a guy tried to get fresh with you and stopped when you asked him to, and that translates to rape??? If you liked him, and had gone ahead to have sex with him that would be “love making abi?” Madam fear God with this your attention seeking accusation abeg and pray you never meet a real rapist.

    • Ms_oyinkansola

      June 26, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Wait I am still waiting for how he tried to rape’ you. That word is very sensitive. Ladies pls stop throwing it around. According to this story u told, d Guy was trying to set p normally and u warned him off, he let u b. please how is that attempted rape? Attempted rape story should be , he began touching, u told him to stop but he would not stop and kept holding u down till u were able to somehow push him off and escape/ till someone/thing rescued you. And dear lady, u have no business going to see a guy in a hotel room. so irin ese e. my mum says if u walk anyhow, u will most likely see any how! my piece!

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      July 2, 2015 at 8:01 am

      At first I felt initial pity after much reading, I got irritated with you.
      Pls do not I repeat put a ‘ rape’ word in your context. Pls re-read for yourself…
      You went alone to a dude’s apartment and you didnt think he will touch you???
      I dont get, am lost? If you do not want to be touched make it clear and meet in an OPEN SPACE like restaurant etc. x

      On a random note, I actually do not what he does and why he is suddenly featured on BN. He drives traffic? and gets us to comments???

    • juicy

      July 9, 2015 at 6:58 pm

      Aanu, sorry about your experience with this guy but bellanaija knows nothing about it so cut them some slack

  6. Asanwa

    June 26, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    TK get over yourself and get a grip. get the advise and leave his attire alone. I bet you didn’t even read a piece of the article and you were busy drooling over the batman t-shirt. take several backless seats at the back of the trailer

  7. TGURL

    June 26, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    rape is a serious allegation to lay at someones door and if u r sure y have you not done anything about bringing him to justice…not even in this age wr its easy ….very easy to collect evidence…………JUST SAYING

    • Asake

      June 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      T-GURL you sound like someone I know…..Just saying

  8. how did he rape you?

    June 26, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    They have come again
    Somebody playing victim card

    1. How you take hook up with the guy? where were you? where did he see you that he started disturbing you?
    2 You went to visit the guy (you carried your legs there)
    3.You are adults
    4. He tried to touch you (he never touched you)
    5. You got irritated, warned him and left. (Did he try to force you to the bed? force you back to the room when you were leaving?
    6. You knew it was a hotel and you went there. You could’t call him out to the lounge, sitting area….?
    7. “He never contacted you again” You wanted him to contact you afterwards?
    8. What if he wanted sex from you and since you are not in, he sharried you? You still wanted him to keep in touch with you?
    9. If you are not a virgin, he is not the first to sleep with you-you have slept with other guys so shuush
    10. Can you list all the guys who have slept with you or you slept with as well?
    11. If there was rape or attempted rape, why didnt you report to the police and just send BN the police report to prove your point?
    12. some ladies are evil. They never wish their ex well. So bcos you see him advise women that is why you came to spill all this? it doesn’t hold water

    13 I don’t know him before you think i am him

    14 You wont take any advice on BN serious again? Who send you? You are inconsequential

    15. Use your brain next time.

    16. Come after me if you like, i have said my own

    • Abena

      June 26, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      Your number 9 point is the most ridiculous ever!so because she is not virgin,she can be raped?does not being a virgin make you less of a victim?what nonsense?Time and time again,questions like your number make rape victims ashamed to tell their story.HOW DARE YOU?Shame on you!
      And if she list the number of guys she has slept with then what?was it not con-sexual?this is stupid!

  9. sister

    June 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Sister aanu what if he has changed. Pls forgive and let go. U might have made mistakes in the past doesn’t min nothing good wld come out of u. For ur sake my darling let go

  10. sum1special

    June 26, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    This guy obviously doesnt want to give up.

  11. HelenEventsBlog

    June 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    You see why it is always good to be careful about what you do? cos you never know what you’ll become in future. Once you know you’re going public, It’s always good to seek forgiveness and make peace with whoever you must have offended in order to avoid dirty gist like this. If i were a bad blogger, i’d have just copied the comment, save the picture and put up the story on my blog without doing proper investigation sef.. afteral, its the traffic to the blog that matters. But i love to blog about positive things. I like to write positive stories about. people. A blogger can also hammer blogging positive stories. .If Aanu’s allegation is true then this guy should get in touch with her and apologies ASAP..Besides that, the article makes a lot of sense.

  12. zirah

    June 26, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Darris how I went to this guys house oh to drop something for him with his mum after so much persuasion oh. D next thing d mother thinking I’m d bae turned me to house gal .it wasn’t funny ‘ Iyawo wa Jo wa gbe isu ka no ma worry ko si obinrin to ma gba Seyi lowo e. Tf

    • Omolola

      June 26, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      LMHO!!!

  13. Kilode

    June 26, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Pls we don’t want your advice or your opinions! Pls just go away. Your primate looking face bugs the hell outta me! Leave the single and unmarried girls alone, abi Kilode gaan sef?!

  14. Moyo

    June 26, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    Is Joro a Yoruba man, what is the meaning of Joro, just curious

  15. brown-ice

    June 26, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    This oga don come again oooo.

  16. arin

    June 26, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Yes! Like Toke never gave up. Remember when she started her vlog and all ya would always come after her with knifes and machetes. She didn’t stop. Now you all can’t get enough of her, she grew on your all. Don’t worry our brother ‘lagos socialite’ (I’m glad he you got rid off that title darling) mofin will have your heart soon.

  17. NaijaPikin

    June 26, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Patiently waiting for him to do a story on babymamas. lol

    Abeg allow his shirt. comic/graphic tees are in. They are affordable and comfy too. live and let live.

  18. arin

    June 26, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    I think we need to view her gist from another angle @ he almost raped me. She just got back from obodo oyinbo, where men have more respect for women. Where a man would ask if he can kiss you after that first date, rather than assume that because he bought you chinchiin he has earned the right. Sister, here men think that if you are invited to their house and you show up its means you Def want to be touch (which is out tightly rude). I would love to say more but I’m not one for long story. He didn’t try to rape you, he was being typical. He was just horny and you were available, he taught to try his luck.

    • bn lover

      June 26, 2015 at 7:44 pm

      @arin u just know naija boys well. They will try,wen u tell them off jokingly,they will try deir luck again…but if utell dem off sternly, they will get the message.

  19. Yes?

    June 26, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Not everybody you see out there (in the media, celebrity and vice versa) is all that. I see some people on screen and I shake my head at some part of the real them I know. yeah, really why should we take advise form all theses people?!

  20. wendy

    June 26, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    I believe that you should get to know your boyfriend’s family. It also depends on the society.

    Nigeria Society:
    They have the tendency to see person finish. If you are too nice, down to earth, and available.. Dem go use you clean ground. Unfortunately, Alot of Nigerians likes to be treated like animals before they can respect. you.**This i am learning the hard way*** So, i will say know but create a border.

    America Society:
    They are always welcoming. They appreciate it alot .. They want to know who their Son/Daughter is dating.

  21. Busarni

    June 26, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    @aanu, I am not judging you but why do I have the feeling you are a bitter ex. Your write -up hold no water, too many loose ends. Haba na, you should know here on BN we have smart people from around Nigeria and obodo oyinbo; #yimu.
    “”I went to Nig in December and he disturbed me for days till I agreed to pay him a visit””; (aanu,2015). You decided to pay him a visit in a hotel; somebody that you claimed has been disturbing you days. What were you expecting? to play ludo in the hotel as somebody said or to looku looku each other.
    He never contacted you? Seriously, after tying to rape you? Girl, you must have loved the touchy touchy.
    Finally, when next you try to pull somebody down, carry out proper investigation and up your game; tie up loose ends.

    • Nuna

      June 26, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      I swear her response is extremely ridiculous! If he ‘almost raped her’ as she claimed, she would have barely escaped with her life. She was even expecting a call after the incident.

      MY FREN WEE YOU KEEP KWAYET!!!!!
      Rape is not a word to throw around anyhow. Please be mindful

  22. D

    June 26, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    Joro! Joro! Hope you know the meaning of your name.okay, here is my free 2 cents .in college there was this guy who had a little disagreement with another naija chic , so he did the guy thing of disrespecting her person, the chic didn’t think 2ce she reported him to police he got arrested the crowd that was cheering him along where no where to be found, he asked almost all the Nigerians leaving around to beg her but for where , jail na im sure pass for the dude, thiugh he was later released after doing small time for cell.please ignore those saying; what was she doing there?you are going to be famous might be through what you doing now or something bigger, let consenting be consenting .am a woman but am scared of women. Imi Kekere leti awo gbegiri to oju ba kuro okan o ni kuro( people may overlook aanu’s comment but some things come to mind when they see you or your name is being mentioned) make sure you # durojoro.
    @ aanu find a place in your heart to forgive him.

    P.S you sure give good relationships advice.
    Dunno the 2 parties from anywhere.

  23. Somebody

    June 26, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    Bellanaija, you all are better than this.

    What are these man’s qualifications and if any, and where did he obtain them from? Toke Makinwa does a Vlog series on relationships, but in no place did she ever claim any kind of professional qualifications to do so, and that’s all well and good. This man here on the other hand has tossed around the title of ‘Doctor’ and at other times spewed more or less academic sounding psychology jargon, none of which makes him a doctor, just a well read opiononator at the least.

    The slanted ratio of his advice to women / men alone, calls his professionalism into question but that’s another story. My point is by giving this man a platform you might be enabling a charlatan or worse, a predator (re: Aanu’s comment) and making his quest for legitimacy, which is the holy grail of all confidence scammers, come true.

    May I humbly suggest that before you post another article of ‘Dr. Mofin’s’ again, you post an article authored and researched by BN itself, about his background, qualifications and past experiences that makes him qualified to offer advice as. ‘Dr. Mofin’, unless of course you all want to come out and tell us that the whole ‘Dr.’ title was a joke that you knowingly furthered by posting his articles.

  24. Californiabawlar

    June 26, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    I was reading the “almost raped” story and was so scared for her. I’m glad he at least stopped and didn’t get violent (that’s the naija version of almost raped). When the guy don woze you finish, tear your cloth but then ‘pity’ you and let you go or you knack him something on the head and escape. You know everything has to be dramatic na…lol.

    Now I believe aanu’s story o…why? She said she was from ‘the abroad’…where after the first no, if you insist, even if she agrees, she can still allege rape. I’ve taken a million and one sexual harassment and sensitivity trainings (courtesy our randy/rapey football team on campus,lol). Yall know a chick can have ‘consensual’ sex in this scenario and still claim rape because he lead her to a confined space and she was scared he would get violent if she didn’t comply, right? Yeah yeah…these claims probably doesn’t make sense to yall but it is what it is.

    Aanu, not to diminish your experience, we weren’t there….and I know that uncomfortable/helpless feeling of being at the mercy of a randy guy who basically can choose to rape you or let you go…no man should ever make that thought cross a woman’s mind during an interaction…but big problem here is this happened in Naija, can you see even the girls are like you’re playing the victim card…our boundaries are…errr…more lax…is it in this same naija that conductor can slap you on your bum that you’ll be complaining about ‘inappropriate advances” on a first ‘date’?
    Abegi, just keeps it moving, like someone said, he was being a typical Nigerian man and it’s quite obvious that typical Nigerian babes don’t mind this kind of treatment…refer to the comments.
    Finally, as a proper naija babe, me I fitn’t follow someone with this kain face and demeanor to Sunday morning mass or even mr biggs not to mention a hotel! It’s obvious you don’t know how to spot ’em….so sweetie, summary of the story? Stay in your obodo oyinbo lane!! ?

  25. Jamce

    June 26, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    BN fellows, Aanu has made commenters to “throw away the baby with the bath water” (Abiola 1994). But as some have said, there is no iota of attempted rape in the whole story as narrated by Aanu herself. So what are her supporters asking her to forgive him. If the guy disturbed you to meet him up and you agreed and “only you waka come [go]” to his hotel room. As an adult am sure you know that he fancied you and that was the basis of “disturbing” you to meet up. Of course, he had to try your availability for his purpose of “disturbing” you to meet which you know very well. You asked him to stop and he was gentlemanly enough to stop. You still felt irritated to leave without him even restraining you from leaving. He never called you again. My summation is that you wanted it as much he did but you chose to do the play hard to get. Your pain now is that he didn’t follow up by calling you again and your playing hard to get backfired to deprive you of what you wanted. Otherwise, there is no justification for what you posted.

    So, Aanu please forgive yourself your loss and bitterness and stop posting defamatory statements that you can pay dearly for. We should be mindful of what we post about people.

  26. Jamce

    June 26, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    Joro’s post is on relationship with families is a very serious issue in marriages and should be given its merit. Let those who want to learn a thing learn from the post and genuine comments rather than unwarranted attacks on his person by disgruntled and disappointed fellows. My 2 kobo.

  27. Pretty girl

    June 27, 2015 at 1:39 am

    Mba oh this one is see finishe na. Even my boyfriend mother I don’t knw her she doesn’t knw me

  28. Tosin

    June 27, 2015 at 5:50 am

    nice of aanu to explain truthfully what actually happened.
    i’ve seen a USA trend of putting all the responsibility on the guy to stay away unless actively dragged into the act by the girl. they complained about catcalling (i actually think catcalling is funny, you know, like traders pulling your arm and calling you ‘my wife’ i mean, it’s funny, banter with them) . they complained about rape – and rape, is bad. violent rape is worse. i hear that happens in Lagos on the street in some neighbourhoods girls can’t go about freely some gang might get them. that is terrible. then in Yankee they jail a 19 year old for sleeping with a 17 year old, preferably if there is a race dimension white girl black boy. but if it’s a gray area, i’d say take responsibility like aanu here took responsibility and didn’t lie and just call the poor guy a rapist and go.

  29. JTLUK

    June 27, 2015 at 9:13 am

    We must be guided in our actions for posterity sake. You don’t want to be big tomorrow and someone hits you with a scandal.

    That said, No 9 reason shows your stupidity is cutting edge.

  30. Swizzey

    June 27, 2015 at 11:35 am

    You see why I love&hate obodo oyinbo, if Aanu had said this to anybody and word got to the police what follows is court case and then maybe a conviction.you don turn sex offender be dat. If it’s one person that those police men always believe, its the woman. So @Aanu, next time, think very carefully of the words you use cos it could put sum1 in serious trouble, including you..if you think it’s a joke, just google “Comfort Yinusa”…… @Joro Mofin ..if the part of the hotel meeting is true, make public places, like lounges your best friend, where there are CCTV cameras.

  31. naawaa

    June 29, 2015 at 11:53 am

    love the post @ Joro Mofin. thought I was doing it all wrong by not pretending to be sweet to the family and killing myself at the same time. we visit together and leave together period.

  32. xoxo

    June 30, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    abeg back to the topic… SO I LOVE Le Boo but this is a matter for me
    We started dating 6 months ago. His whole family knows me… thank God we are not in 9ja. It really freaks me out. When I say family, I mean his aunties and cousins too. I think it’s too Much but it’s already too late. He didn’t mean to put me Out there but he told one person who spread the “good news” . His mum has my Number and his aunt is my FB friend. What should I do?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php