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Liz Awoliyi: The Case of an Over Sharer

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Before I started writing this, I was thinking Liz, don’t become known for always writing self help guides or coming across as on “Adviser”.

However, on this topic of “over sharing” I think I’m qualified to speak as once upon a time I was one.

Hi, My name is Liz, I’m an ex – over sharer. Definition of an ‘Over Sharing’ –
Revealing an inappropriate amount of detail about one’s personal life.

Studies have proven that Facebook encourages users to engage in self-promoting, superficial behaviours, its social-media so I guess that’s just what its there for, for you to be social. So, how does one decipher what quantifies as ‘over sharing’?

In all honesty, you can’t live your life on social media and then expect people not to comment. Far too many people are ‘doing it for the ‘gram’; everyone seems to know everything about everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with sharing. I love playing dress up and showing off my new outfit on Instagram, but there comes a time when we need to stop. Think…am I crossing the line?

I remember a time I was constantly tweeting, I was constantly tweeting everything I thought. I would cough and tweet that I coughed. I would share personal details about my life.

What I was doing was giving people ammunition to judge me with, I shared so much of my life that everyone interested in it, felt like they knew me and they could comment on the information I was sharing.

When I look back at my days of over sharing, the truth, 80% of the time it was because I was bored, I had nothing better to do. This also stemmed partly from a need of attention.

What I realise with hindsight is that I now had people around me that were living vicariously through me. They would egg me on, “Liz, you’re the Celebrity”; aren’t you going to post that on Facebook? Meanwhile they kept their lives private and continued to help me publicise mine.

And there are grave consequences of over sharing online which I know only too well.

There are many types of people on social media, but for the purpose of my article I will focus on these:
You have the ‘Narcissists’ like me, who are constantly posting selfies for no particular reason. Narcissistic people are approval seekers, their egos are fragile, and they live for comments and the likes.

Then, we have ‘The quizzers’; these people are constantly asking questions, and this allows them to start conversations.

You have the ‘business owners’. These ones are just there to promote their enterprises with some shoving it down their throats… from selling Cambodian hair, to waist trainers, to land in Lekki.

Then we have the ‘changelings’. These people will metamorphose when they come online. They adopt a new personality online and no one knows their true personality.

Then there are the ‘Lurkers’. They are the true fans.

The lurkers are interesting people to look at for this topic. The lurkers have the most opinions, but they remain in the shadows. They are monitoring spirits, you may not have even seen them in person for some years or you may not even know them. They are in tune with every update which you have kindly over shared. They are there, behind the scenes… judging you, they would never comment on Facebook or IG, but they are comfortably commenting anonymously on blogs.

The number one problem people who over-share are confronted with is that people will mis-read them. As an over sharer, people will misconstrue your point, and you are feeding them ammunition to judge you with.
On an aside, I’ll also add this. Please don’t judge people from what you see on their social media feeds. Perceptions are deceiving, often times what you are seeing is a struggle wrapped up in strength. People tend to put their best foot forward online.

I attended Genevieve Magazine’s “Financially Fearless” a couple of weeks ago, and one for the most important comments that resonated with me was from Nimi Akinkugbe. She said this “The Jonesses are broke! Stop trying to keep up with society! Determine your own lifestyle according to your own values and stick to it”.
My message is this: Be appreciative of what God has given you; don’t envy what other’s have. No matter how big or small some may consider your blessing to be. A blessing is a blessing. Stay content. Stay grateful.

Do you see yourself in any of the personality types mentioned in this article? Where do we draw the line on over sharing?

22 Comments

  1. Sbr

    July 2, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Line? What line? You put it out there, I see, I read, I judge. No vex.

  2. loveth

    July 2, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    TOKE MAKINWA, a typical example….True talk, keep ur private life 4rm social media.

    • Madamsofo

      July 2, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      So her selfies and quotes equals private life?

  3. A Real Nigerian

    July 2, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    You want to come across as a tough, no-nonsense, blunt person. But the truth is, you lack understanding and have no idea what the article is on about.
    You really need to work on your reading comprehension.

    • A Real Nigerian

      July 2, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      Meant for Sbr.

    • Sbr

      July 2, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      I liked your ignorant comment in error sef.

      My comment was in response to the last paragraph of the article which you appear not to have understood yourself.

      Now read the article again, take it in, digest it and then read my comment in context if that is a possibility for you.

      Waving you goodbye with the middle finger of both my hands.

    • NikiNiki

      July 2, 2015 at 5:01 pm

      And how do you come across @A real Nigerian? Slime? Yeah, Sleaziiiiii

  4. mamahenz

    July 2, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Gbagaun!

  5. www.thelmathinks.com

    July 2, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I found this article rather confusing and all over the place. Are we talking about over-sharing and over-sharers? Are we talking about the 5 kinds of people you see on social media? Are we talking about finances and why you shouldn’t keep up with the joneses? Or at we talking about the importance of gratitude and contentment?
    I’m struggling to understand how Liz started by saying she’s writing on Over-sharing, a topic is very qualified to write on. And ends by saying; my message is “Be appreciative of what God has given you”.
    I appreciate the concept of writing an article on a subject matter and weaving various other topics through it, with fluidity and great skill. But this right here, I just don’t get. I think Liz should have treated these themes individually.

    Speaking on the post’s title, I used to be an oversharer. I thank God I saw the light when I did. You might think it’s all well and good to be open, and like Liz said, some people will cheer you on (while keeping their lives private). But no matter how innocent your intentions, you’re only arming people with ammunition to use against you. The less you share (with strangers on the internet and the actual people in your life) the better.

    • Sky Blue

      July 2, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      You put this so concisely. I felt she could’ve elaborated a lot more on the oversharing issue and then perhaps discussed the other topics in their own separate articles.

  6. BlueEyed

    July 2, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    I have mastered the art of controlling what I put out there and the amount I put out (and even what I take in) that sometimes I tell myself to just have fun a little. But knowing social media and the craziness in it, I’ll keep at what I’m doing, it’s kept people out of my business

  7. Dr. N

    July 2, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    Nne, the joneses are broke.
    Many designer bags r actually knock offs, clothes r borrowed, rent is owed, school fees is late: just don’t bother evying anyone. We are all living 1 day at a time

  8. Anonymous

    July 2, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Do not feed the troll

  9. Bode

    July 2, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    I see where you are coming @Thelmathinks but my guess os that if Liz were to delve into all the points individually, we would have a thesis on our hands. All the points touched on are relevant! I.e. Dangers of over sharing, importance of not buying into the hype from over sharers and ultimately being content! I especially like the point about the cheer leaders who will egg you on but keep their lives private and the fact that the Jonesses’ are broke! Perhaps it could all have been weaved in more smoothly… It was a good read nonetheless! Nice write up Lizzz. Too many people on instagram most especially over share!

  10. teegal

    July 2, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    Lovely piece!

  11. Lillian

    July 2, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    Lovely piece I hope we can take in the important points and work on ourselves…. Change is the only constant thing in life.

  12. shady

    July 2, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Madam Toke will benefit frm this. Take a slice of this humble pie and eat it well my dear becos u don’t know where to draw the line. I remember when u deceive everyone that u have split up frm majestic only to turn up nd get married on d same day he proposed to u. Now pregnancy rumour, for u to take time out, have a moment with ur self, reflect, be still , be real to ur self Naaaaa aa Mba Toke don’t do quiet. I must share, I must put up a front that am a strong woman. It’s ok to have a moment of quietness ,while u’re away having that moment don’t worry no one will take ur spot or shine. It will still be there honey waiting for u.

  13. The real D

    July 3, 2015 at 2:05 am

    I am a self professed and confessed lurker…yes i will never comment but i know all your status updates and picture updates. I try my best to draw a line at judging others though. I one thing i have learned with age, is that, you never know someone else’s story… If i have something to say i let you know, this mainly goes to oversharers when i feel someone is over sharing i will let you know i think you should do it less. But apart from that yes i will sit and watch, maybe give some likes here and there but that’s about it. I value my privacy too much.

  14. fleur

    July 3, 2015 at 3:33 am

    I know many who will benefit from this. They constantly inundate people with unsolicited lengthy romantic letters to their husbands about heroism that in reality equates wearing ones shoes properly. When their kids pass from one class to another, they post it. On kids birthdays they write page long history about the child’s virtues. When the same husband errs, you know because they post cryptic messages. We no wan know. Hide ya sef small. We no wan see. Everybody geh wahala and goodies. If other people tell these over sharers about the goodies they receive, they just might stop existing. sign

  15. anonymous

    July 3, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    thanks for not posting my comment, not a surprise actually *side eyes*. At least you read :D.

  16. The Observer

    July 3, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    Social Media has become homes for some people now. That’s where their lives start and end. It’s sad. I read a caption of some young lady who posted a pic on Instagram which said ” I have up to 2,000 followers, if y’all don’t start showing some love, I’m going to start blocking”.. Showing some love?? Really? These people don’t love you, they don’t know you. They know the long weaves, nails and bags you carry. People don’t have real conversations anymore. Everything is on social media.

  17. ty

    July 4, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Bellanaija wud post all d insulting comments from Bruno n his likes,then sieve n not post my comment,no problem.Shady,I wrote u a long text cos of ur toke mention,plus stop making everything a toke topic.tank u

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