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Aunty Bella: Mr. Idle & Hating It

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

A BN reader left this message in the comments section on one of the posts published today. We decided to share it. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***

I know this is off topic, but what I am experiencing is kind of depressing me daily.

I live with an aunt who doesn’t believe in working before you finish school. I have pleaded with her a countless times, even sent emissaries in the form of uncles and maternal on the same issues, yet she won’t budge.
I’m grateful to the fact that she is being solely responsible for my schooling since secondary school up till now (I am currently in second semester to final year). All the while she was the one that refuses to allow me to go full time for my course and instead I had to settle for a weekend programme which I am still very much grateful for as I am the first in my family to attend Uni.

The bone of contention is that throughout the week (Monday -Friday) I practically do nothing at home except to read, sleep, eat and other sedentary activities. I am bored to death everyday and would have loved to engage in one productive activity or the other but the gate is always locked during the weekdays.

I need help perhaps if I could get an online job or something to keep my sanity, add value and a sense of responsibility. Someone should please help because I have attempted suicide twice.
I am not really bothered about the pay but at least something that makes sense.

I am a guy and will be 28 in November. I am good with computers and tech stuff and creative too.

Please help a brother.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Kiosea39

45 Comments

  1. l

    August 25, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    very simple…. create a blog and start blogging or better still create a youtube account and share your gift/passion; tech, computer, creative stuff or issues addressing men… theres always something to do. dont think about it just do it.. you never know…. your welcome 😛

    • Author Unknown

      August 26, 2015 at 12:32 am

      Just make sure your aunt doesn’t catch you working from home 🙂 l won’t be there to save your ass.

    • Concerned commenter

      August 26, 2015 at 10:02 am

      As the 1st commenter said write a blog create content be a youtuber or if you have a social media management skill email [email protected] for web/social media job but please suicide is not an option!!! Your existence is important to the world, everyone is expecting you to share your talent with them so what ever it is find it and use it

  2. Intheoverseas

    August 25, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    Hey there, don’t be dismayed. If you are good with research and gathering data -efficiently, I may have a job that you can conveniently perform in your house. Email me via [email protected] to discuss. Cheers!

  3. Adaeze Writes

    August 25, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    Wow! This is so sad. I’m quite curious as to why your aunt lets a grown man stay home all day without doing anything. Truth is, competition is growing by the day and even many secondary school leavers have done some kind of work or the other to boost their CVs. I suggest you try starting a blog and blog on something that you’re passionate about, as you scout for an online jobs. Also visit Jobberman.com, they have lots of online jobs there as well.
    Good luck dear!

    • Tkum

      August 26, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      jobberman ke!… Nna please be wary and careful of scam oo

  4. Naomi

    August 25, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    LEAVE THAT HOUSE ASAP. When u graduate and you start Nysc in a FARAWAY state, live in corpers lodge, WORK and save money.
    Please no distractions, no time for romance or fine boy or partying or anything else. Plan accordingly. In fact when your aunt says it again ‘dont work’, smile and say yes ma….and intensify your plans carefully..dont argue dont beg her…
    Sounds like nollywood lol maybe the aunt is using u for jazz lol lol

  5. Duchess Maria

    August 25, 2015 at 9:16 pm

    Have you considered web design or graphic design? Those will allow you to work virtually.
    Also like the first commenter said – blogging, Youtube or something of that nature.
    You should also consider having a heart to heart with your aunt cos you are a grown man and shouldn’t be locked up in the house like that. Come to a compromise with her, because even if you can’t work, you need to be able to leave your house every now and then to get some fresh air, excercise and a change of environment.

  6. femfem

    August 25, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    Chaii I am sorry but your auntie is very wicked. A hah. Please go against her wishes and get a job. How can you be sleeping at home all day at ahlge 28. Tufiakwa. Make up some lie about where you go everyday. You have to take your own destiny into your hands

  7. faith

    August 25, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    locked gate ke?! Olorun ma je ka ri ibi.
    1. visit Joberman, start a blog e.t.c
    2. On a neutral note, you should count yourself lucky, I’m 20 years old and i’m currently struggling to cope cos my father has ‘finished’ his work since i’m done with uni. lol (funny right?)…. it’s true tho and even while i was in school sef, whenever money cpmes, its like celebration galore cos it was soooo rare (and no, popsy isnt poor) lol.. i find it funny now, wasnt so funny then.
    3. On a more critical note, scale the fence and ruunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn for your life!!!!. eventually when she begs you to come back (she will) give ur Ts&Cs before going back.
    4. I’m 8 years younger but i feel like punching you in the face for even having suicidal thoughts…. i mean, ”4 y?!’….. if u kill yourself, u’ll go to hell ALONE!! abi u want to kill her first b4 u go?? …pls ooo on a more serious note, don’t try it!
    …………..i don’t know if all i’ve typed makes any sense and sincerely i’m too lazy to go over it so just pick out the relevant and leave the irrelevant……lots of love……..once again…….DON’T KILL YOURSELF OOO ABEG, NA GOD I DEY TAKE BEG!!!

  8. Seun

    August 25, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Mr man do not commit suicide. I repeat do not commit suicide. Suicide is NOT the way out! You’re 28 and have a lot ahead of you. Must you live with your aunt? And why is the gate locked during the day all week? Seems like prison to me and you’re only allowed to go out during the weekend. If you have friends around, ill suggest you pack your bags and move in with a friend or better still go back home. Talk to people around, make contacts/connections in your neighborhood, when you go to school during weekend. Plan well before making a move. If you have to suspend your education for now, do that so you can work and save money for your education. (Find out more info about suspending school so you won’t have to start all over again). Heck you’re almost done with school so you can do it. There’s a different happiness you get from making your own money and caring for yourself if you’re someone who is independent and it seems like you are. Some people have controling personality and in a way it gives them the euphoric feeling of power and control. Your aunt maybe one of them or she’s worried you won’t focus much in school. Let her know how clinically depressed you are. (You’re clinically depressed if you’ve attempted suicide twice). Get out of that house before you do harm to yourself. At the end of the day, you’ll end up resenting your aunt and wont appreciate her help. And reason why? You’re not happy, she’s not letting you fulfill your purpose. If you kill yourself today, that’s the end of your career, your life, everything. And trust me life still goes on.

    Ps: dont stay indoor too much. Get a vitamin D prescription from a doctor or nurse asap. Your serotonin level in the brain is probably depleted from lack of vit D due to staying indoor and not much productivity going on. Get some sun in the morning in your compound until you’re able to figure out other options. Goodluck and please DO Not commit suicide. You are yet to fulfill your dreams, goals and aspirations. This too shall pass. Take care.

  9. Miss Pynk

    August 25, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    There is no contact info for the poster even if anyone is to offer himhelp. Poster please contact me @ [email protected]. Make sure you put a proper title in the email.

    Poster needs a correspondence type of job where he can work from home, get paid and liberate himself from prison.

    Pynk360.com

  10. zeezee

    August 25, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    @faith, as a side note, do you feel your dad should continue giving you money because you’re only 20, even though you’re done with uni, just because he has it? If the answer is yes, then you probably shouldn’t be advising today. Maybe next time.

    • faith

      August 25, 2015 at 10:35 pm

      um, yes, cos i’ve not even gone for service and I’m a lady!!! an btw d point i was tryn to make was fact that life could be worse which u shoula gotten if u read my experience WHILE IN SCHOOL!! lol……. and really, lets stick to d main point, shall we ……………………….#YAWNS#

    • faith

      August 25, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      u said side note…………. and i went back to check for ur main note…. thing is–there isn’t one……..hehe. pple sha……. smh as i slllllllllooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllly walk away. berra advice person that asked for it. lol

    • zeezee

      August 26, 2015 at 10:18 am

      my point is you don’t sound industry-minded enough to be giving advice. No malice involved- you also need advice in a way. But take care not to fall off your horse as you slowly walk away dear.

    • nira

      August 26, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Pls what is wrong with a father still giving his child money @ age 20? Abeg stop being unrealistic, there’s nothing wrong with that. Not that I promote laziness, but some parents will always be parents. I have a friend who is married and has a good job, anytime she visits her dad at his office, he still gives her money even though he knows she doesnt really need it.

  11. Unique

    August 25, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    This is serious! 28yrs and idle when some of your mates are married with kids, accomplishing great things or the other.
    The possibilities of online jobs is quite slim in nigeria unlike abroad. Try creating a blog to share your passion, and start planning your freedom when you go for nysc.

    I wish i could speak with you but bro suicide is not the way

    • nira

      August 26, 2015 at 10:15 am

      And was that first paragraph really needed? The guy is already depressed and contemplating suicide and u still felt the need to say his mates re married with kids and accomplishing big things…smh. Why cant u just simply encourage and advise the brother….people sha!!!

  12. Dr. N

    August 25, 2015 at 10:34 pm

    The gate is always locked.? By who?
    Say after me, “I am responsible for what my life. From today, I take charge of my destiny. I shall live to fulfill my purpose and even give back to my aunt and society”
    Now, invest in the following books
    1. The power of self discipline by Brian Tracy
    2. Why A students work for C students by Robert Kiyosaki
    3. Secrets of the Millionaire mind by T. Harv Eker
    4. Image of Righteousness by Creflo Dollar
    5. Instinct by T.D. Jakes
    Save a lil money and buy them when she opens that gate. Knowledge will make u grow big on d inside, soon u will become too big for that gate. It will even open by itself.
    Cheers, man.

    • RIFF RAFF

      August 26, 2015 at 10:18 am

      i know it’s a little late, but thank u very much. I’ll try and get them. I love reading. A lot…
      Thanks once again, i’m grateful.

  13. Dr. N

    August 25, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    *Responsible for my life*

  14. Koffie

    August 25, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    I can’t even think of any justification your aunt can give for basically locking you at home. There’s this babe that talked about needing people to write for her and she’ll pay them 35k and bla bla. Check Atoke’s banter for this week. If she considers you a good fit, you could use the proceeds to register for online IT courses relating to your area of interest. That would come in handy when you hit the labour market. Suicide is never an option love, keep pushing. I’ll say a prayer for you.
    All the best.

  15. worried individual........

    August 25, 2015 at 11:25 pm

    please dont commit suicide…. its not worth it, please. just in case youve thought about it!!! hopefully these helps but if your still confused please contact [email protected]
    you have a lot ahead of you just cause things are hard or daunting doesnt mean there isnt a way. there is!!

  16. Ola

    August 26, 2015 at 12:46 am

    Please how do I get an article posted on BN?

  17. smile

    August 26, 2015 at 1:16 am

    suicidal attempts are a no no…u shldnt evn think of that..dnt let urself be that vulnerable. call me on this no we need to tlk 08186830344

  18. maria

    August 26, 2015 at 1:21 am

    I am more frustrated than the poster!I understand him well. The past months have been very challenging for me. Yes, suicide thoughts have been flooding in. I feel stagnant. Anything I wish to do doesn’t just work out and most time I need money to do things which I don’t have. Finding a temporary job have proved abortive and now I need to go back to school next session and I don’t even know where my fees will come from. Please if anyone has a work from home kinda job contact me on [email protected]. Thanks

    • treasure

      August 26, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Rebuke all negative thoughts and tell yourself that you’re here for a purpose which your present circumstances cannot hinder. It will all be a testimony soon enough. Please go through the comments and send your job request and CV to all the emails people have put out there, good luck dear.

  19. smile

    August 26, 2015 at 1:30 am

    Suicidal attempts are a no no…y shld u let urself be that vulnerable to such terrible thoughts. u are young and there a million opportunities out there dt will keep u busy from home…u have a whole life ahead of u…call me on this no we need to tlk 08186830344

  20. Mee

    August 26, 2015 at 2:08 am

    @zeezee relax my friend, relax.

  21. Noella

    August 26, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Don’t listen to ill advise from ppl telling you to run. Your aunt has helped you thus far and it will be very stupid for you to bale. Some women are overprotective like that she’s probably scared that u are not mature enough yet. She might just be an old school lady. Calm your head and look into blogging or youtube or other online gigs as advised by some also be careful of getting scammed while at it. Wait do not rebel with ur aunt she has done well so far. Suicide is ridiculous get it out of ur mind and stop having extreme emotions. Be patient and wise. The suggestion about jazz is so silly dont even take it to heart everything is not about juju

  22. Ayoka

    August 26, 2015 at 3:58 am

    There might be something else instigating the suicide thoughts. I wonder what else is going on.

  23. Tosin

    August 26, 2015 at 6:33 am

    See your mouth. You need to get a room or squat somewhere. Then you can move about, play ball or whatever you like. Even if you were 18 and so sure of what you want and sure that your living situation was killing your vibe, I’d say the same thing, let alone over 20. Don’t let me hear such nonsense from your mouth again.
    Self-imposed imprisonment.

  24. Lillian

    August 26, 2015 at 7:57 am

    Poster,just as the first commenter said,try blogging,Since u are good with computers,try Web designing,ok wish u well dear

  25. Mr Idle and Hating it.

    August 26, 2015 at 8:13 am

    Thanks so much ever so faithful, courageous, enlightening and helpful BN’ers. I am really grateful for your tips, words of encouragements, scolding and genuine helps you guyz are the best.. i had actaully tried to elope last year, it became a complicated issue as the securityman of sthe compundi i scaled the fence into thought i was a thief and inhad to sleep in the police net for a day before help csme..
    I couldnt place my contact details here because she ( my aunt) visit this site religiously but to all those that put their contacts up, i will definitedly get in touch .

    @Dr N, @pynk, @l, @smile,@ noella. Thanks so much

    • Ojie

      August 26, 2015 at 11:13 am

      If she visits the site a lot, I would have left out discussing about her because she might figure it out. What are your interests? How do I contact you? Interested in sales? Share your email address

    • Tosin

      August 26, 2015 at 2:26 pm

      your aunt cray to detain you. you cray to put up with it. hope she sees this.

  26. jasmine

    August 26, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Heheheh, don’t commit suicide o. Let’s trade place. Tired of working o. I want to stay at home Monday to sunday doing nothing except eat, sleep and watch movies

    • Tosin

      August 26, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      🙂

  27. I REALLY HOPE YOU SEE THIS

    August 26, 2015 at 9:50 am

    Hello writer! You are being dramatic with the suicide part, you actually have no excuse to commit suicide. I have a feeling you are the joy of your family since you are the first to attend Uni. You have all reasons to stay alive, be accomplished and celebrate. Except if your aunt is abusive (but even that is no excuse to end your life) DOES SHE HAVE KIDS OF HER OWN????

    Now back to your aunt; you should be grateful to her for all she has done for you. Her reason for discouraging you from working could be because she wants you to concentrate fully on finishing you degree since your are in your final year. Working and studying could be distracting. Stay focused on finishing for now, in the main time you can develop your other talents, polish up you CV and come up with a plan of how you’d like to run your life.

    My problem though is, I really don’t see a reason why an aunt would lock up a 28year old man, regardless of how old she may be. I think she is really crossing the line here. You are an adult, a man of your own regardless if she is putting you through school or not.

    As I mentioned earlier, you should be grateful for the opportunity she has given you ALWAYS and assist her whenever you have the power to!!! But then do not feel the need to always satisfy her, you need to break that! How will you grow if your aunt has a say on whatever decision you make at 28. YOU DO NOT OWE HER! I REPEAT YOU DO NOT OWE HER!!! OTHERWISE YOU’LL FIND YOURSELF PAYING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! YOU ARE A MAN…. YOU NEED TO SHOW HER THAT BY STANDING UP TO HER (NOT IN A RUDE WAY PLEASE). YOU COMING HERE TO ASK FOR HELP DOESN’T SHOW THAT YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH TO STAND ON YOUR OWN OR FACE YOU AUNT (even though it sounds like you are in a tight corner).

    SHOW HER YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH AND YOU’LL SEE SHE’LL RELAX… EVEN IF I MEANS SHE’LL BE ANGRY AT YOU… IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! TIME IS ON NOBODY’S SIDE BROTHER

  28. intheoverseas

    August 26, 2015 at 11:10 am

    You see why some people will have problems getting good jobs…? I dropped my email for “Mr Idle and hating it” to get in touch and a few others did as well. Some with smart and polite introductions and others just asking ‘for help’ in the subject space with no note in the body of the mail. The worst, however was a certain Mr saying:

    Good morning,I got your address on Bella Naija. I am good in gathering Data. What do you have for me?

    I respond saying:

    Hello, thanks for your email. Considering that you were not the intended person for this opportunity, if you were interested, I believe that the least you could have done (as others had) was to send a proper email with your intentions and competencies in order to be considered. Not asking ‘what do you have for me?’ like we are in a commercial bus park. A little mail etiquette goes a long way.

    And then Mr hotshots responds with:

    You are entitled to your own opinions,Am good and that’s all that matters to me. You just missed working with me. Thanks,God bless.

    SMH…

    Mr hotshots you have a stinking attitude that no amount of skill you bring can make an astute employer hire or retain you. Please work on that aspect of yourself before sending any unsolicited emails for opportunities that don’t concern you. Regards.

    • treasure

      August 26, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      a job seeker actually said that???? wow, hunger never mama am finish, e go humble by force.

    • Manny

      August 26, 2015 at 7:37 pm

      intheoverseas, for real????? Lord have mercy. Your reply was even mild sef

  29. Fabulous B

    August 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Dear, just calm down. My life was in disarray and no friend pulled me out, I believe GOD did and my determination to keep at it while I failed several times. It took me a long time (years) to start repositioning my life but bit by bit I kicked it up. Your life has a lot of meaning and it’s going to be a purposeful one. Read those books dr N suggest and the blog idea by the 1st commenter. Keep a positive mind and you can achieve all you set out to do. Forget your age right now and picture your beautiful life and set yourself to achieving it. There is time to achieve greatness. The most important before all this motivations is GOD, your creator. Move closer and get deeper in the word of GOD; it ain’t easy but seek and ask GOD. He’s your best friend.
    We can talk better if you want – pin:2BC07481

  30. Fabulous B

    August 26, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    Wow! @intheoverseas comment. I hope whoever it is corrects this. That’s rude.
    I’ve learnt from your comment too. 🙂 continous learning

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