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Tolu Falode: Discovering Your Purpose



Some people are still on the journey to discover purpose. Some are uncertain and some are searching, as they sift through their comfortable schedules going through the daily activities filled with routine but still lacking life in terms of granting fulfilment.

The need to feel alive, relevant and a part of the environment and society are lacking because of the void left in trying to discover purpose.

So how do you discover your purpose?

This is a tricky question all in all; but here are a few steps that will enable you to discover and track the path on which your purpose is likely to meet you on.

Firstly, it is important to know who you are.

What are your likes and your dislikes? What activities define your personality the best? Are you a writer? An artist? A cook? What is the language of your hobby? What do you do without any effort and lacking any form of pressure?

This is the first step towards discovering your purpose. Identify your areas of strength and your weak points. These will enable you to come into a better understanding of who you are and how your hobbies speak of your personality.

Once you have taken time to digest this step, you will find that your areas of interest are broad and vary. For instance, you may like to draw but also enjoy reading a good book.

When you have an outline of areas that make up your general identity you can tune in to these broad brushstrokes to the fine points that define your personality.

This is the next step.

At this stage, you have to think of how you enjoy expressing yourself in the different forms of entertainment you have found that engage you mentally and more importantly positively. For instance if you enjoy reading, what aspect of reading do you enjoy doing? How do you channel this into your everyday life-is it through writing? Are you inspired to share a story? Does your reading enable you to delve into your own imagination through expressions of drawing? Or if it is music-do you enjoy writing lyrics? Or perhaps it is more of a play of sounds that holds your attention. Once you identify your key areas of interest within each hobby that is broad you have stepped closer to discovering your natural inclinations in these areas.

This is an important step that will enable you to come closer to understanding the purpose that you have been called to fulfill.

At this stage, I would like to state the importance of allowing yourself to experience discovery. This is an important point. No one stumbles on purpose overnight. It is a combination of trial and error that leads to the point of triumph. In going through this phase of finding your unique sound, it is important to embrace discovery. This stage is crucial. You may not have all the answers all at once-no-one ever does.

Allow yourself to stumble on the path to self discovery-purpose is a journey; it is not a destination. This means you do not come into an experience of yourself overnight. It is a stage and a step that evolves through effort and error.

Allow yourself to be immersed in it, in order to emerge in a more positive and enlightened understanding of yourself through the process.

It is also critical to state the importance of your own voice. Everyone has a unique sound. Hence do not try and mimic the sound of another person. It is not possible to do so and stumble on purpose. We each have a unique talent to contribute to the world. When you mimic the sound of another person’s voice-you will only emerge with a murmur.

The point of this statement is to clarify the fact that each single person is blessed with a purpose and a talent that is a combination of experience and discovery. It cannot be mimicked.

Purpose is such an internal part of our makeup that it is impossible to successfully come into a realization of it while trailing another person’s steps. The more you do so, the more you wonder away from your own lane of excellence.

It is also crucial to point out the importance of nurturing the process.

Do not detest it.

It is one of the most important stages in finding your purpose. Through the process, you find out your likes and dislikes, you become more aware of your voice, you grow more confident of your sound.

Through the process you will realize purpose.

Each person steps into their purpose at different stages in their lives. It is not a sign of success or failure. It is simply a reflection of the unique nature of our callings. Just like it takes different amounts of scholarly learning to become a nurse, doctor, lawyer, businessman, is a reflection of the variety of experiences and stages that trail the path to purpose.

It is a voice that is tailored in the hotbed of light and darkness. It is a process that emerges from the fire of triumph and loss. It is not uniform. It is unique.

Learn to embrace its nature.

A lot of people face this problem. In failing to embrace the nature of purpose in its individuality-they seek answers in uniformity.

It is impossible to find the path to purpose in a combination of people’s experiences because purpose is your own unique story that will be told at the appropriate time which will inevitably span your lifetime. It is in essence an echo of your person at each stage of your life.

Learn to appreciate its unpredictability to enable you to walk faster and more diligently towards who you are.

Once you embrace it, you have allowed yourself to become a part of it. And in essence, you will have begun to live your purpose in the steps you take towards discovery. Each stage, each detail, each phase is important in the picture that completes the puzzle of your purpose. It is an evolving step you take towards your calling-you will learn to appreciate the beauty in the process of discovery.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Diana Eller

Tolu Falode is a Relationship Counselor with over 6 years experience counseling couples and singles on having an amazing marriage. She shares dating tips on Instagram: @fantheflame and YouTube: Tolu Falode. Email: [email protected]


  1. Mocha

    August 26, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Thank you for this.

  2. been there

    August 26, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Actualising my purpose has been on my mind particularly as I turned 30 this year. I would love the opportunity of working with a global humanitarian organisation, just how to get a good opportunity in Lagos as most openings seem to be in Abuja. But I will make do with making a change in my community until it comes.

  3. Tosin

    August 26, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    but may I suggest that purpose doesn’t *necessarily* have to be *creative*, *cool” “rejecting the norm” or whatever.
    It may indeed be your purpose to be a super-nanny, a high-power partner at a law firm, or a doctor just like your father. Industrial Engineering may be your purpose, or in line with it.
    It’s when you feel something’s missing or wrong that you need to look for answers like this article suggests. It’s not a small task, that’s why so many avoid it. You need to do 100 times what this article is saying.

    Another quick comment:
    many people can’t see the forest for the trees. if you take a poll sometime, please share results. they can get lost in the details without asking why? what is the big picture?
    there are a few people (a small percentage, it seems) who can’t see the trees for the forest. they need the big picture before they can even take a step. they tend to have discovered their purpose earlier because that is a priority for them.

    Open to critique. Sorry if this was preachy. I love Tolu Falode’s pieces.

  4. Ms Deb

    August 30, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Discovering ones purpose is a deep topic and a lot of work. You’ll have to itch to want to improve yourself, learn, engage and all that. If all we yearn for these then we shouldn’t despise responsibilities as it helps us grow. We’d learn from bad or good experiences it depends on how we choose to see. Ideas, self development and finding purpose comes from reading, engaging yourself in fruitful activities (which may not be your spec but ideas pop in eg what if I do blah …) and of course the God factor – praying. Let me leave us with this God is not just interested in our spirituality but also in our success (Joshua 1 vs 8), Ephesians 1 vs 18. Nice one Tolu Falode.

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